Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Hello  to   all  my friends   here  at   BI.

 

Well.....we got through Christmas Day.  For myself,  it was not as painful as I had anticipated.

sending thoughts & prayers for all parents.....especially those who are so very new to

this journey.

 

Suzie-----thank you for posting that touching little story about Brad's santa movie that

you found.  It must have been  bittersweet for you.  These little things are ways that our beloved

children are able to connect with us from just on the other side.  So glad that you found

the movie.  I had written a poem for my baby, Lisa, who died many years ago. Throughout

the years, the poem was lost.  Then when my son, David, died 11 years ago, I had saved

two of the older-model answering machines where he had posted a message for incoming

calls.  I had listened to the message once.  Now.....these years later, and a couple of moves,

I am unable to find one of the machines, and the one that I have on hand seems to not have

anything on it.......so I have resigned myself that I will not find the message again. But I will

always have those little connections with him, ......as you have just had with finding Brad's

movie that you and he so enjoyed when he was a beloved little 4-year old boy.  Peace to you.

 

Dee-----So nice that you had the lovely day with your family, and the amusement and delight

of seeing the babes with their Christmas presents.  We had a nice visit with a large gathering

at a family members home..... large but casual.  Hope you didn't have any trouble with eating

because of the dental work recently done.  I am coming along, and my jaw is healing well

from the extraction.  Now.....I'll be back in the dentist's chair Tuesday 30th to start a crown

on another tooth.    Yikes!

 

     

 

PEACE    AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS. 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

 

[dAd]

Thanks for sharing Suzie, these are wonderful little precious gifts that encourage us as we journey along. Second Christmas without my precious daughter, I lit a candle in our living room, next to the Christmas tree which we loved so much to adorn, then wished her Merry Christmas on her Memorial page, and then added: 'We hold your hand as a child for a while , but your heart FOREVER!' 

[mikesmomrs]

Hello Everyone:  it has been a very long time since I posted, but please know it is not because I have forgotten.  I do have you all in my heart  and my prayers, always.   I hope that everyone is doing okay during this Christmas season...I know it can be very difficult, no matter how long it has been that you have been traveling this road of losing your beloved child.  I've read over a couple of pages of recent posts and see that there are many new members posting.  I am so very sorry for your loss, but am very glad that you have found your way to this site.  There is much love and understanding here, and you will always find comfort.  It has been 8 years this past October since we lost our only son, Mike, to brain cancer.  Like all of you, the time element seems unreal most times...sometimes it seems much longer, and sometimes it seems like a week ago.  The missing never ends, as we all know, but over time we do find our breath more easily, we find more comfort from our memories (most of the time), and we are better able to process sour grief, rather than just live "in" it, we learn to live "through" it, and move forward with our lives, as we all know that our loved one would want us to.

 

DEE::  was so glad to read that you had a wonderful day with Jon, Shannon and the beautiful babies you all have been blessed with.  I love what you wrote about the signs that we see being the "gifts that are the magic of our angels, the ways that they let us know that they are near, that they are always rooting for us."  For me, these signs provide a strengthening of my resolve to live my life as best I can, and are food for my heart. 

 

I wish strength and love for all who travel this road, and especially during this season that sometimes wrings our heart out and reminds us of what is no longer here in our daily lives.  The memories we have are our treasures, and though they can truly be so very bittersweet, they do give us strength to go through each day. 

 

Love to all, and wishes for peace and comfort to you this Christmas season.

Carol

 

 

[ericasmom]

Carol, what a wonderful treat to see your Mike and read your words. Thank you for being here. How are all of your Grandies? How are your Daughters? And what of you Dear One? Are you finding hearts as your two Mikes like to send?

My thoughts and hopes with you as we start a new year.

[Suzie1228]

Tomorrow is Brads birthday he is 44 years old. I use the term "is" instead of would have been because his sprit is still so very much alive and I celebrate his life everyday. I am going to make a pineapple upside down cake which is his favorite and I have made one every year for him so I figured why stop now. My best friend Susan told me last evening that she has never seen two people so connected to each other as me and Brad. We were like two halves of the whole. I know I will be OK in the long run because I  know that is how he would have wanted things to be, It's strange because not long before his death we were talking about something, I do not even remember what it was but he stopped and looked at me and said, you do know that you will outlive me. I just laughed it off because  I never imagined that he would die before me. A few months later he was shot and killed. I still have no answers and may never but I can and do celebrate his life and the wonderful years and special relationship that we had. That I am thankful for everyday.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Good morning everyone. I have been reading over the past couple days. I hope that everyone found some moments of peace and comfort for Christmas. I love reading about the ways each of us feels the continued love and light from our angels.

Suzie, I love that you found the movie that was yours and Brad's.

Such a wonderful gift.

Dee, I also love the imagery of Eri sitting on a star.

Christmas was very different this year. I had some very hard days in the time leading up as I did all the things that Tris loved to do... the baking and decorating. I try to include Trista in the things I do it helps. When we made gingerbread we made a special gingerbread angel for Trista.

Christmas Eve was busy and I did well, I think, making it special for the kids. We did all our Christmas Eve things. The kids get their stockings on Christmas Eve, new pjs, an ornament, we make our Gingerbread house, watch a Christmas movie and read stories in front of the tree. Aiden, more than once, looked up and said, "This is the most wonderful Christmas ever!"

I felt Trista that night, all around us. It's hard to explain but I just felt her there with us. It made the missing not so painful because I felt her energy was really there. When we read our stories in front of the tree we read Trista's favorite in honor of her, the one she chose every year... Max Lucado's, Alabaster's Song. I got choked up reading it but the kids understood. I felt then the same feeling I had when making gingerbread. It was Trista all around us. When we took our pictures in front of the tree, I asked the kids if they would want to hold something of Trista's to include her in the picture. They all liked the idea and decided to hold a picture of her. When I went to take the picture, on the screen, I could see this bright light, like an orb. It flew across the screen and all around the kids. I couldn't see it with my eyes when I looked up but when I looked back down it was there just moving around and around the kids. I didn't get the light in my picture because I was too in awe, watching it, to think to click the picture. Then it was gone. It's ok though because I will never forget that light.

About 2 am Christmas morning, when I was finally finished preparing and I went to check on Aiden I realized he was wheezing terribly. He'd had a cold but this sounded very scary. I woke him and we sat in a steam bath for awhile. It helped and he was able to rest but I didn't sleep. I watched over him the rest of the night to make sure he was ok. Christmas Day we ended up in the ER. He had bronchitis. After a breathing treatment and prednisone he was doing much better and they sent him home.

Christmas Day was good but I was so tired. We just relaxed. The kids played and checked out their new things. We had a nice dinner and I did a small candle lighting ceremony for Tris before we ate. My Grandma came and after dinner we went to the cemetery to see the lights I put up at Trista's site. I took some yellow roses and the gingerbread Angel we made.

The past two days have been days of rest for sure after all of that.

[ericasmom]

Love the orbs Shannon, I love how Trista twinkled her light all around her brothers for you to see, to know. I am thrilled that you felt her near through the days leading up to and through the holiday. I am sorry that Aidan had to go to the hospital and grateful that you were able to get him treatment so quickly.

Rest sweet little Mom that you are. Hugs.

 

Suzie, it seems that Brad had an inkling as other kids here have, that he was not going to be around for long. I do believe that the sense of dying lays within some people for a bit of time, almost a preparation of sorts. I am sorry that it was a violent end for Brad. He is with you as you know, and he will be trying to sneak bites of the cake as you are making it. Bless you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Besides wrapping Christmas gifts....I wrapped layers of FAITH around me and my broken heart...and carried on...

 

I woke up on September 1st and the first thoughts I had on waking were...'how I dread the holidays ahead'.....

 

Grief and Christmas is not for sissies...

    I would like to applaud all the parents on this site...and all over....for being so...so brave....please pat yourself on the back...give yourself a hug....for surviving and carrying yourself through this.....as your child would want for you...

  You know....they would not have left you...unless they had to....

       Even if we were slumping and limping through these holidays....tears and sobbing....we made it...

 

I am so glad it is over....I have a teaspoon of stamina and strength left....

    I hosted the Christmas Eve party.....10...

 

I had 14 for Christmas Day.....I had the traditional Turkey/Dressing/side dishes....

I had 16 for the day after.....Seafood Gumbo....

    No one that has even won an Oscar has anything on me.....

I looked around at all my blessings....pulled myself together....for sure there were times when my eyes smarted with quick tears...my mouth trembled....and I would rush to the bathroom to give myself some minutes to breathe deep....gave myself the 'talk' I woke up thinking....'this is just a normal part of life.....living and dying are normal parts of living on this earth home'

      with all that....I stepped into my role as 'Royal Hostess'.....making everyone welcomed, comfortable and waited upon...

    and everyone was so much more relaxed...and good humor was passed around.....and after eating....they started telling 'John David stories'......there are so many.....it was then that I was so infused with their deep love for him...and how they are grieving also....and as a family...and the circle of friends.....we so need that spot of comfort to talk about him with great ease......and of course.....they needed me to give 'permission'.....it wasn't planned....but I am so very grateful we crossed into another phase where we let his name be the 'everyday name' it always was. It is so healing.

I realized they were all waiting for me to give the 'go ahead'.....it is a good thing.

[ericasmom]

Susan, I love that you wrapped not only gifts but layers of faith...and when that faith feels thin, pull it close and think of a few memories that brings you warmth and bolsters your faith.

 

Just back from a nice dinner with my husband. It is our 16th anniversary today...a second marriage for us both. We shared a small shaker of margarita, it was a treat for sure.  Such a nice meal at one of our favorite spots nearby. Lovely.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Carol, I am delighted to see your Mike’s face on the screen again…”Like all of you, the time element seems unreal most times...sometimes it seems much longer, and sometimes it seems like a week ago.”

I think it will always be that for me,  in a snap something can trigger off a memory that sends me back...Is your daughter recovered from her surgery she had earlier this year…I remember it was a long time in healing and that she had to stay with you…

 

Dianne (Michael) sending out a virtual hug…know your son’s memorial was today…cry all you want, tears are cleansing to the soul…

 

dAd, thinking of you and your girl tonight…many of us light candles as a loving remembrance…there is something about the soft glow of the light….

 

Jim’s Mom Rosie, read your quote… “The rest of the world has moved on, I haven’t, I’m faking it….” This is so true once a person is past the second year…just so hard to adjust to a new reality…

 

Gretchen, how sweet and thoughtful for your co-worker to find you the Mario as a replacement for the weather-worn one…things like that are indeed treasures for the heart…

 

Sherry, it was good that you were able to get through the day with relative calm…I am sorry you lost your recording though…

 

Suzie, Dee is right, some of our children knew…Jesse did and it was an “accidental” death…I hope your cake turns out well for Brad’s birthday…Pineapple upside-down cake is one of my favorites too…

 

Shannon, thank you for sharing about Trista and her amazing special gift to you, I know she is near to you….

 

Susan, I am glad that your family was able to have that open sharing of John David…know that they are all missing him…

 

Thanks Kate and Sandy for leaving your wishes for Christmas…Sandy, hopefully you can spend a few moments of self-care…I am so glad that your daughter has her remembrance marker…

 

 

Marsha, noticed your son also just had his marker placed...I am sorry he had to struggle with cancer...wishing you gentleness tonight...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, wishing you both a wonderful anniversary …

[Mermaid Tears]

Happy Anniversary Dee......I, too, have a 'second marriage' ......and Wyatt John...our 'new little man' was born on my parent's anniversary...December 14th.....my Dad...knowing how my Mom loved to 'celebrate' always was in a dither to make that day so special for her....oh....the lengths he would go to....all the behind the scene 'doings'.....and at Christmas time...was a real stretch....but for the both of them....what they felt sacred was the Christmas cards they would send each other during WW11...and their favorite song at Christmas was Jim Reeves singing..'The Christmas Card'.....it was always played on their anniversary.....will try to find it....

[Mermaid Tears]

http://youtu.be/uc30hfdXANM?list=RDuc30hfdXANM

[tobyfreefoot]

ashlie's mama posted ths on her facebook page Dancing in the sky with lyrics

[Mermaid Tears]

Good to hear from our Carol...who has 'two hearts'.....when I see two hearts entwined...I think of you....

 

Shannon....I believe with all my heart and soul...that shining orb was your Trista....I did a tiny research on orbs...want to do some more....

   and if Aiden said it was 'the best Christmas ever'.....you performed above expectations...using all your stamina and strength to come through....

 

Dee....am happy you are getting your 'walks' in.....geez....I felt blessed because I was so...so busy....no down time to get 'down'.....

     There is always that moment when a parent is faced with the crossroad of being 'bitter' or 'better'....we have no choice in that our child died.....we have a choice in how we will carry through....it is ok if we enter that choice kicking and screaming...

 

Laurie....your family has had the loss of many family members...and there you are with your grief of Jesse David...how are your parents...

 

Lora....thought of you on Christmas Day going to the movies....with all the uproar of 'The Interview'....was thinking maybe you went to see it....it was showing at some theaters.....

 

Gretchen...thanks for sharing that song....

 

Kate....how are you ?

 

to the new parents....please let us hear from you and how you are doing....we know how very hard it is to go through this time of year....my heart is always so glad when it is over....

[Mermaid Tears]

[daveydow1]

Laurie-----thanks for your kind words.  I, too,  am glad that the holidays are behind us

for another year.   Through the years I've been on BI,  most everyone here has expressed

a reluctance to face the stress of these days without our beloved children here to join

us in celebrations.  Somehow,  we seem to come through it,  with the help of feeling the

nearness of our angels,  and for other loved ones who surround us at this time of year.

 

Susan------John David'smom----- thank you for sharing your lovely story of your dear parents

and their special anniversary date.  Little Wyatt John  being born on that date must be so

wonderful for them.  I must say that I admire your tradition of having all the people for the

dinners and parties that you host at this time of year.....and appreciate that there were times

when it was difficult.  These are examples of the determination that leads us to take that

next step on the  'one step at a time'  journey....knowing that our angels would want us to,

and that they are always with us.   Peace to you.

 

Dee----HAPPY   16TH    ANNIVERSARY.!

 

 

Shannon----

I hope that Aiden will be feeling better very soon.  Also,  glad that you felt

your sweet Trista's presence.

 

 

HAPPY  HEAVENLY   BIRTHDAY..........BRAD

 

 

Carol----So good to see your post.  As Dee said, not long ago......time is rather abstract

when on this journey, and missing our children who left this world too soon.   Mike and

Mike Jr. were surely looking down from above and smiling on all your family, as each

one remembers them in their own way with thoughts and prayers.  

 

 

WISHING    PEACE    AND    COMFORT    TO    ALL    INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

[ericasmom]

Susan, thanks for posting the song The Old Christmas Card, special to us because it is special to you. So glad that your kids and Grandies spoke of John David, that the remembering is sweeter and more freely offered. Wonderful. Your dining table sounds fabulous, seafood gumbo, turkey...yum.

 

Laurie, I love the font you used. Thanks for your good wishes for our anniversary. It was good.

 

Gretchen, thank you too for your post of a song. How pretty. How are your Kids doing?

 

Sherry, how are your teeth feeling? Are you on a soft diet? I cheated for sure but carefully so.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you Dee and Sherry for your kind words.....

only the parents on this site know of the bare knuckle...uphill....heavy heart....effort it took me to pull it together...and put it on....and carry through.

    The fact is....how many times did I think of each of you....knowing you had made it through...and many were doing just as I did....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Brad…may the strength of your spirit provide the comfort needed for your mom during this time.

 

 

Suzie, you are in my thoughts...

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, my parents are doing okay, my dad is somewhat depressed...we go down tomorrow for a quick visit...thanks for asking. I too enjoyed the story of your parents...I miss your Essie stories too...

 

Today at church, I had someone ask me if something was wrong with me because I lookedso tired...(he knows my son passed), I am so tired, waking up all night long, the thoughts that intrude in the stillness of the night...another court date on Jan 12...I am a little irritated with the man just like, okay, my life is just blown away right now and you ask why I look so bad? (which is what he meant though I know unintentionally) ...

 

Thinking of Lora and Becky tonight...Ted, are you okay? Colleen, how did things go for you?

 

Kate, how are things your way, we are about to have a drastic drop in temperature....

 

Dee, glad you liked the font...trying a little creativity...I use Microsoft Word to type and give the color to the text and then copy and paste in the editor on this site...so it is a little more jazzed....

 

Also, on my other thread, My Grief Journey, on the last page (3) I have videos that I continue to add to regarding the science of a afterlife if anyone is interested....try to post things that might be helpful to others that I found helpful, like throwing a breadcrumb trail behind me....

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi sorry I haven't posted I've been reading everyday. I'm so lost My families not complete anymore there's a massive gaping whole in it. I have hated every moment of this christmas I haven't been strong just wanting to sleep forever. I feel so low. We've got the disclosure and inquest to go through the stress of this is almost tearing us apart. I do find comfort in all your words and I thank you all I wouldn't be here without this guidance ad support. Your all so special. Thank you Georginaxxx james mum

[Tbearw58]

Laurie, Lately I have been sick with a chest cold and so tired. Sleep is never more then 4 hours at one time. I to hated this holiday and no longer want to have them any more. Thank you for caring. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Ted....did you get to see your GRANDdaughter over the holidays ?

 

Georgina....yes....it is a mess.....and we know you feel like you are in a living hell......for now.....just breathe....take some deep breaths...wrap a blanket around yourself....and 'self care'.....don't over think.....this is a hard journey...we know....we don't have any answers....for now...just take it one day at a time...baby steps...we are here to hear you.

 

 

Laurie....good that you are going for a visit....as you know....how good it is to have a 'child' walk through your door...I had to relate an 'Essie' story to one of my friends who was throwing a fit because her son was not coming home for Christmas...will relate it later.....it got her calmed down...and in a better frame of mind.

[Jeff's Mom]

I too have been reading, but not posting the past few days. I am almost ashamed to say that we did have a very nice Christmas... and it was quiet, but not as stressful as previous years. We went to see that new movie with Benedict Cumberbatch on Saturday and really enjoyed it. The Imitation Game was very well done... and I will be surprised if he is not nominated for an Academy Award.  The weather is just plain nasty today. I woke up last night to see the reading at -33.3 C. That is just plain cold by any definition. Supposedly it is turning around again tomorrow night and the temps will once again rise to more reasonable temps. I'm not a fan of winter. Unfortunately a few health issues prevent us from leaving at this point for warmer climes.

 

I wish everyone some peace in their day today and thinking of you. Sending love to all. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

this is some info for the parent that had issues with her eye lids/eyes......from crying....

 

last May....I, too, started having red swollen eye lids...glassy eyes....and I did a lot of crying....finally...I had to see the eye Dr. for then my eyes were getting worse.....two months of trying several kinds of eye drops...and even a round of antibiotics....we finally found some eye drops that worked....and also....a towelette...called 'Cliradex'....these are amazing...and they work wonders on swollen eye lids....

   and yes....when I talked to the eye Dr. I told him 'my story' and started sobbing.....

so I use Cliradex every morning....I do cut the towelette in two....and just use half....they are not cheap....hope this info helps..

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate...my heart smiles in that you had a nice Christmas....you so deserve all that is bright and beautiful...

[flocicero]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a while, been so busy with holidays & traveling to Wisconsin & back to Indiana. I have tried to keep up with reading though & have had all of you in my prayers this Christmas season. Suzie, I can totally relate to how you've been feeling. My son also passed away this September 27th, 2014 & his birthday was Dec 20th ; I didn't think I would survive but somehow we manage because we have to.

We celebrated his birthday with my family at his resting place, we lit candles that initially didn't want to stay lit because of the wind but within minutes all the candles were aglow & we were able to place them in the ground & they stayed lit even as we were leaving. My sister commented in jest that she hoped the candles didn't cause damage to the cemetery & I responded that if something happened it would be Michael being his usual bad boy self- I surprised myself by being able to joke ( Michael would have totally laughed at my comment).

We spent Christmas Eve at my mothers house ; this was very hard- I imagined Michael in every room laughing & joking with everyone as he always did. It was also very hard to see my nephew with his new pregnant wife & her little 4 yr old girl- he has a family but Michael never will. My nephew & mike were like brothers & they both battled drugs but my son didn't make it ; I actually felt envious- so hard to explain because I love my nephew.

I started to write how I felt about Christmas Eve in my journal & ended up with a little poem :

First Christmas Eve without You

Family gathered at grandma & grandpas

As we've done in years gone by

But You were missing

There was a void no one could fill

The laughter seemed subdued

The jokes not quite as funny

Because You were missing

We enjoyed the lovely feast

Prepared by grandmas hands

We gathered around the tree

Opened presents one by one

We shared our joy and memories

But we also shared our sorrow

Because You were missing....

I love you Michael until the end of time

Your loving mom forever.....

[Mermaid Tears]

Mike's Mom....your SONshine boy is glowing from all the candles and your love sent to him....he is still your boy...you are still his Mom...and nothing...not even death can separate you from him....love does not die....

   the poem was written with your heart....

and the 'missing you' will go on forever and ever....

with time....grief is going to be a part of you....with time....a parent simply learns how to carry it...it will not be in balance all the time....but with baby steps....a parent learns how to navigate this earth home....

[ericasmom]

Ted, so good to know that you are out there. Take extra care of yourself with this chest cold, goes easily into secondary infections so rest if you can and drink plenty of water and hot tea. I wish you well Ted.

 

Georgina, yes, hating the holidays will be with you for some time. They are so very hard the first two years or so. For me the first year was the worst. The missing at the table is just so blatant. And Francesca, your poem certainly says that. The missing of your Mike, feeling his absence. It is amazingly hard but please don't think yourselves weak in any sense of the word. Any parent that survives one day beyond their child is not weak and in fact should be wearing a cape that signifies deep strength born out of love. Our kids want us to go on, not only to go on but to shine their light for they no longer can do this. We are to stand where they no longer can and live our best lives. Oh but it takes time, so talk to your Sons, let them know how desperately hard this is and how dearly you need them to leave a sign here and there to help you continue this uphill walk.

[ericasmom]

A belated hope for you Brad, to have spent your first heavenly birthday flying freely through the heavens. I know that you sat near your Mom for a while, watching her and giving her your deep love.

You will always be loved Brad.

[ericasmom]

Kate, stay home and cozy against the cold. I hope you are both well and I am glad to hear you enjoyed your holiday.

 

Husband and I are catching up on movies so last night we watched: The hundred foot journey. LOVED IT! And tonight we watched: St. Vincent. LOVED IT. Be prepared for swearing in both especially St.Vincent but boy, those two movies provided the deep joy that some movies can give. Poignant and heartfelt and funny.

 

Two photos, one of my little Eri (20 months) outdoors one day last week, she and I went to the park and then to the library.

The other is our BigMan Mike, 4 months old now.

[ericasmom]

Sweet Angels, reach your hands and light out to help those from the missing, now found downed jetliner. Wrap your peace around them.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...thanks for sharing...your Baby Movie Star just shines....and that new little man is so masculine...looks as if for every month he is growing 2 months...

will check those movies out....I woke up yesterday morning around 3...felt as if I had something in my eye....so I got up and tried to wash it out...long story short....whatever it was was flushed out...but eye very swollen and irritated...put some ointment in it..and watched Netflix...today it is fine....but the good downtime did me good...I really needed to 'stop and relax'...

 

I watched the news this morning....beyond sad for all those families....

 

one of John David's 'old' girlfriends contacted me and said her Mom had been put on hospice....one of Randa's friends was put on hospice....we have enough sorrow to share...and enough faith to get us through..

[ericasmom]

Susan, as irritating as that was for your eye, it seems it was a means to your resting a bit and so I am glad. Yep, even with our Super Grievers Capes, we need a rest. Your Boy was sitting with you, resting with you and in you.

I am sorry that Randa is losing a friend, so young. And for all that are facing such things, prayers and hope.

[tobyfreefoot]

had our usual christmas eve brunch for about 35 people. day after christmas went to a funeral for a friend from another time, had lunch with old friends then came down with a terrible cold. been asleep for three days. off work with rotator cuff sprain so at least that all worked out. one of my old co workers' only child apparently committed suicide over the holidays. my daughter's husband lost his job but all in all everything is ok i guess. same as it ever will be i suppose. sure haven't been very upbeat but maybe as i feel better i will be able to lift my spirits some. susan--i love the quotes you posted. thanks for letting us know we are understood.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, I agree that there is some very tragic news these days. We send our prayers and hope for their families to find comfort.

 

Dee, oh my, what lovely little beauties. Do I detect some red hair? What a joy they bring and I am sure they have brought many smiles and warmed your heart.

 

Ted, I hope you are staying warm and looking after yourself. I read in our paper today that the ER's are packed to the brim with so many people developing chest problems. Be careful.

 

Sandy, how are things your way? Your Mom? I have been thinking of you over the past few days and wondering how everyone is coping.

 

Laurie, how are you?

 

The weather is again about to turn around for us... and I must say it is about time. The few days of intense cold we have had has put a serious damper on the kids enjoying their Christmas vacation if outdoor activities were planned. My granddaughter is in a ski competition this past couple of days at Mt. Norquay. Just imagine...a six year old? Having grown up on the prairies anything larger than a big bump scares me. I hate heights.

 

I am thinking of everyone and know how hard those first couple of years can be. I hope you are taking care of yourselves and making sure you get the proper rest... as much as you may not want to at this time. Hang in there and for now...just try to breathe and take one day at a time. 

[daveydow1]

Dee------Back to the dentist today, for the first phase of  getting a crown.....

it wasn't bad at all....thank goodness.  I go back in 2 wks. The site of the

extraction I had recently is healing nicely.....just a little soreness, that's all.

Thanks for the lovely pics of your dear grandbabies.  Little Erica sure is

growing, and baby Michael is so cute too.

 

 

Gretchen  -----

Take good care of yourself....with the cold, and the strained rotator cuff.

.....I've heard those can be painful.

 

 

Ted-----

Good to see your post.  I hope that your cold will go away soon.

 

Kate----Good to see your post. I'm with you.....I don't like heights. Your granddaughter

must be good at skiing....and only 6 years old.!  Wow.   I've never tried skiing....I'd

probably end up with a broken leg or something.   

 

PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry  

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...Randa's friend is an older acquaintance...in fact....his daughter had a crush on John David when they were in Jr. High...this guy was 'over the top' with a sense of humor...one of those 'good old boys'....everyone in the county knows him...a big..big heart ...he and his buddies could throw these huge Bar-B-Ques....a 'real' Cowboy gentleman...he doted on Randa...

 

Kate....someone can have my share of skiing also...Daniel is amazing....in fact...everyone in my family loves it..(except Austin).....he and I are so alike in many ways.....we are having some 'South Texas Winter weather'....I have had a fire in my fireplace for a couple of days....

 

Gretchen....so sorry to hear of your son-in-law losing his job....will he have a hard time finding another...tell him to come to Texas....our state is booming....and hope you can nurse your cold into better health...that rest is the best thing you can do for it....Grief and Christmas is not for sissies....so ....pat yourself on the back that you made it through it....so sad about your co-worker losing their only child to suicide....you will know what to do for them...they walk the same grief journey. Dark days are ahead of that family.

 

Shannon...how is Aiden ?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I just got home....thanks for all who responded to my last post...parents are doing okay...

 

...thanks Susan for the tip about the relief for the eyes...might try this....do you mind if I repost your post about this health tip on my other thread, the Grief Healing - My Journey?

 

Also, someone asked me about the videos I posted...here is a link to page 3 of that thread

 

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/4873-grief-healing-my-journey/page-3

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, I am sorry that you have that horrid cold. Glad not that your rotater is sprained, but that you can stay home and just rest. Hot tea and rest, maybe some honey for your throat and immune system. Steamy showers for your sinus. Vitamin C. I am grateful for the school break right now hoping that the cases of flu are reduced by not being in such close proximity.

 

Sherry, great news about your dental work. I am glad that you are healing well. Thanks Sherry, those two little Darlings make my heart so big.

 

Kate, we are now getting that cold cold air that y ou have had to deal with. Tomorrow should be about 16 degrees as a high. Yikes. We have had such warm temps this December, under such cloudy skies. Today however was Cold and Sunny as it should be for this time of year. I went to the slough to see the ice forming and hope that we will stay below freezing for a good month or so to make and keep the ice. The balance of nature is so out of whack so I will appreciate the real winter when it comes to stay. Sure, I may get tired of it come March, but really it is not normal to have these warm temps.

Thanks for the compliments on the kids, and yes, there is some auburn color in both kids. Your little Grandgirl must be very good to be competing.

 

as far as skiing, I never went and hate heights so I wanted to make sure that my own kids were not afraid like me...my sisters and I all gave our kids ski lessons for Christmas one year, three Sundays in a row at a local human made hill and not only did the kids get lessons but could ski all day for free afterwards. It was a great deal and the cousins all learned to ski together. Jon and ERi were great at it right away, and in fact Eri did not wait for the instructor when I planted her on the bunny hill to wait with her brother and cousins...I turned to help another cousin with his skis and down that hill she went, not one worry in the world. I yelled come back up here adn she yelled, " I already know how to do it." She was in first grade. She and her brother became very good skiers and snowboarders and went all over the place with their Dad after our divorce. They loved Montana and Utah, but loved Canada, Whistler the best. Those lessons, such as they were, were the best gift we could have given them.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thanks Susan and Dee for your thoughts and words. We found out today that we will have the disclosure tomorrow. The collision investigating officer is coming to our home with the CID. I'm so scared of what we'll see and be told. This is my beautiful son's last moments I want to know what happened why the lorry hit him but I'm scared how I will Handel it. I'm not too good at the moment not feeling strong. We've waited 15 weeks for these answers. I miss my boy so much I'm trying hard to cope hour by hour day by day that's all I can do T the moment. We still go to his grave every single day We keep being told this is wrong. Why.

Love to you all

I'm praying for the plane crash victims. Georgina x

[Amber'sMom]

I am a new member. My 27 year old daughter was murdered earlier this year. This was her first birthday and Christmas in heaven. I just wanted to skip December this year! It's so difficult, my heart is so heavy. When it happened, it was just so sudden and unexpected with no time to prepare or say or do things. It's just so hard to accept even though it's been 8 months. 

                                                        Amber's Mom-Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

Amber's Mom....am so sorry to hear of your girl....and of course....you are shattered....we understand....the grief journey comes with no compass or map....and it is very dark....and we have to feel our way....for this is like a foreign country...one where our child is not there....

we don't have any answers on this site....we are just parents that has lost a child...and when I say child...it doesn't matter if your child lived 2 hours....2 years....50 years....they are still your child....

  we have many parents that have been on this site for many years....I call them our 'spirit guides'...and they are farther up the grief path than we are....but....they wave to us...and wave us on....letting us know that we can survive....I found this site one night when I was looking something else up on the internet....I feel as if I was 'guided'  to this site....and I found many parents with hands and hearts stretched out to me...when my human boat was going down...down....and they threw out a life jacket to me....so I could float in my tears....until I could reach shallow waters and find my footing...in this earth home without my John David....please tell us about your girl...and how you are doing....we are here to hear you. Peace to you.

[Amber'sMom]

Thank you Mermaid tears. It is so good to know that someone is out there and listening. I have just been a mess since her birthday on Dec 18th and then of course there was Christmas. Yes, I do feel that I am floating on my tears. Also, I'm raising her precious daughters who were actually present (heard the gunshots but did not actually witness the event) when she was murdered (4 and 9 yrs old). As expected with this type tragedy, they require more than most children (counseling, support groups, etc) but I'm happy to do it for them. My family needs lots of prayers!!! Thanks for responding.

                                                                                                                      Amber's Mom-Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina.....of course you are not feeling 'strong'....and that is just a word....as Dee has said....if we live one day longer past our child ....we are the strongest and bravest of parents....and I am sure you feel as if jelly is in your veins....and that is 'ok'...in fact...it is ok to be ok.....not leaping over mountains.....just being....the Mom of your boy....

     and if you want to go to the resting place of your boy one time a day...two times a day....three times a day....that is your call....

  in fact...you are the star of your movie.....you have the lead.....

I had the instinct to 'cocoon'....but it wasn't until I found this site.....and it was Dee and others that 'gave me' my permission in a way....for I didn't really know how 'to drop out' for awhile....I didn't know I had that 'reason'....that I felt so strongly about to do.....

  and then....I simply said...'No Thank You'...or ...'Not now'...and I slipped into my 'cocooning' and it was the best thing I could have done for myself....

    I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child....and that is why this  site is so important to me and my mental health....for here...I have kindred friends that know what I am going through...

   and for you and the disclosure tomorrow.....just know that all of us on this site will be holding your 'hand'...we will be with you...for many on this site has sat in your chair....in your place..and they have had to face the same.....we walk in your shoes....

 

I want you to know that your boy is shining through....he is 'with you'....he is forever your 'boy' and you are forever his Mom...

 

for some reason....for me....the 'how and why' our child passes...seems to have no relevance for me any longer....the fact that I know that 'he' is still with me....is what makes the day livable and going forward the most important part of my grief journey....

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...of course you can use any info that I give ...the Cliradex swabs/towelettes have been an amazing tool for my tear swollen eyelids.....ever.....

 

am glad you made your trip....how have you been....and your family..??

 

I hope you are finding a 'resting spot'...where you can gather your self and wits about you....you have many on your plate that need you....you are spread thin....I guess that is the nature of our lives.....and we gather ourselves and find a balance with what we have to do...and how to balance the grief. Sometimes I feel 'intruded'....but no....it is just life living out itself.

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy....you will find many active parents on this site that will respond to you....

and you have the little daughters....if there is a blessing....they did not 'see'...they 'heard'.....which is beyond sad...it sounds as if you have them in a circle of love and caring....

   but of course....you are a 'mess'....if anything....I think that is normal....we have to be a mess to live one day more than our child....and grief is very dark...and heavy....and grief is also very exhausting....we tell 'new parents' to self care....for grief can cause physical and emotional health issues.....just take it all one day at a time....baby steps....some days you will take 4 steps forward...another day....5 steps backward....and that is ok.....do not ask a lot of yourself at this time...this is not a time to 'rise above it all'....or be stoic....or leap over tall mountains.....

some days.....just breathe...and be....

there is no magic pill....we can't jump over it...or side step it...all we can do is simply go through it....

the grief journey comes with no compass or map.....there is no 'one size fits all'....

your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique....

please tell us about your girl...and you....we are here to hear you. Peace to you.

I lost my John David in 2012....

[Amber'sMom]

Mermaid Tears, I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. This is most definitely a group that none one chooses to join. It's uncharted territory for us all and I'm just trying to navigate through it. I do have several friends that have told me to call them anytime, which is really amazing. I'm in a small group of wonderful, loving ladies at my church who are there for me. I'm truly blessed but many times it's just that my heart has a gaping wound in it and I'm just crying. I have nothing to say to anyone. I'm just hurting and missing my daughter. It's so personal and no words to describe it. I'm still just wishing that it's not true! That's really silly because, unfortunately, I know that it is so very true but my heart is just screaming nooooooooooo.....!!!. I will tell you about my daughter another time. I love talking about her but right now I'm very sleep deprived and may just go to bed. Sometimes I'm not sure why, I usually just toss and turn.

[ericasmom]

Ambers Mom, I sure hope you were able to actually sleep tonight. I say when you feel tired, take the chance to sleep because of how hard it is that first and second year to get deep rest. I will talk more tomorrow but everything Susan has said is RIGHT ON. She is a great guide as you find your way into this gentle home. A home of broken hearts but I promise you this; our hearts mend in ways that hold our ache right next to our joys and we never forget our sweet ones, never. Mending comes many months and years after this heaviest time of grieving. We find one day a sense of our Child riding shotgun in our hearts and we are moved forward in that.

Peace one day.

 

Georgina, you hang on and know that we are rooting for you and if you find you cannot handle the news, whatever it is, in the way you hoped...oh well, it won't ruin anything now will it. Those folks that come over to have this meeting are well aware of the reactions of we parents when we receive the facts. There is no wrong way to react Sweetie, you just let it go when you need to. You are far stronger than you know at this time. In a few years which I know seems like an endless amount of time, you will look back and realize the strength you have shown.