Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 once again trying to plan forest's birthday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Susan, I liked the living in two worlds screenshot...says it all... ..it will just be Bob and I this time. If he stays down and rests he should be able to go but will have to take it easy afterwards. Shannon, I loved the writing Trista had...maybe one day you could publish a small book of her collective writings...I remember she had some others that were very good, I think it was a list... Dee, hope the temps are leveling off where you are...it has been so cold up here and trying to run around in this frozen tundra tests one's patience.. Sherry, thanks for the note the other day...and for remembering my infant son Taylor....a book that was listed on the Elisabeth Kubler Ross org. web site recommended keeping a dream journal...I am glad that I have as it helps me to process my deeper emotions. Eileen, sending prayers for your business and the struggles you face...I know in my town there is a company that runs a senior taxi service and transports people to their doctor / medical appointments...I believe they are subsidized by the gov't somehow to do this needed service....can you alter what you do somehow? Just a thought...(It is called Abby Vans from Neillsville WI if you want to look it up) Someone share with me this grief web site from Mark Ireland. He is the author of Soul Shift and lost his youngest son Brandon a few years ago. He has another perspective on grief that I have found to be of value. Here is the link to his main site.http://www.helpingparentsheal.info/#(Their mission statement Our mission is to help parents who have lost children, giving them support and resources to aid in the healing process. We will go a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and evidence for the afterlife, but in a non-dogmatic way. In other words, we will welcome everyone regardless of their religious (or non-religious) background and allow for a very open type of dialog. ) Gretchen nice to see your posts thanks for sharing the photos. Georgina, loved the photo of the heart cloud... Victoria, I am sorry you are facing an additional legal challenge, sending prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Thanks Laurie, I will look into the site when I have a bit more time, tonight I have to go babysit and tomorrow is Little Man's baptism. The after church meal will be here for 20. Husband is making Jumbalaya, I made gluten free cornbreads, and I will make a salad. Other grandparents are bringing desert and wine. Cheers. Gretchen, love the photo and music you posted, your smile is so like Forest's smile. You will figure out what to do for his day of birth...that lovely face of his just smiling on you all. Fun to go with Marshall to see Jack Black. How nice to have a small venue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amanda36 Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 It's been Seven months. Things are some times better, but the bad days are SO BAD. I get a hurting in my soul to talk to her, and see her. There was not a day I went without talking to my Amanda...... Of all the Holiday's New Years was the worse.... Starting a new year without Amanda in it,,,,, it's just not right. The last few days I can't seem to do anything. I just don't want to do anything. I have never been the kind of person to just set and watch TV. And not it seem like that is all I do. Sometime I fill like I'm going crazy......... I pray God pulls me out of the. It seems like I took 6 steps forward and 4 steps back. Thank you all for listening. I'm guessing this too will pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Today is exactly 15 weeks since my Mike left me. Every Saturday is so hard, I imagine him struggling to catch his breath while I'm downstairs cleaning. I go to his room almost every day and kiss the pillow his head rested on, but today I decided to crawl in his bed. Took my journal to write to him & listened to that song "dancing in the sky" over & over..,,I'm tired... So tired...I see the heart in the clouds....are our babies really in heaven waiting for us? I need to know he's waiting for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amanda36 Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Susan, I liked the living in two worlds screenshot...says it all... ..it will just be Bob and I this time. If he stays down and rests he should be able to go but will have to take it easy afterwards. Shannon, I loved the writing Trista had...maybe one day you could publish a small book of her collective writings...I remember she had some others that were very good, I think it was a list... Dee, hope the temps are leveling off where you are...it has been so cold up here and trying to run around in this frozen tundra tests one's patience.. Sherry, thanks for the note the other day...and for remembering my infant son Taylor....a book that was listed on the Elisabeth Kubler Ross org. web site recommended keeping a dream journal...I am glad that I have as it helps me to process my deeper emotions. Eileen, sending prayers for your business and the struggles you face...I know in my town there is a company that runs a senior taxi service and transports people to their doctor / medical appointments...I believe they are subsidized by the gov't somehow to do this needed service....can you alter what you do somehow? Just a thought...(It is called Abby Vans from Neillsville WI if you want to look it up) Someone share with me this grief web site from Mark Ireland. He is the author of Soul Shift and lost his youngest son Brandon a few years ago. He has another perspective on grief that I have found to be of value. Here is the link to his main site.http://www.helpingparentsheal.info/#(Their mission statement Our mission is to help parents who have lost children, giving them support and resources to aid in the healing process. We will go a step beyond other groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and evidence for the afterlife, but in a non-dogmatic way. In other words, we will welcome everyone regardless of their religious (or non-religious) background and allow for a very open type of dialog. ) Gretchen nice to see your posts thanks for sharing the photos. Georgina, loved the photo of the heart cloud... Victoria, I am sorry you are facing an additional legal challenge, sending prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amanda36 Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 thank you all for the nice things you have said. Also the websites you have shared. I hate that anyone has lost a child, but at least I know I'm not in this alone. I now know what my Mother went through when my brother passed away in 2007. Thank You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amanda36 Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Today is exactly 15 weeks since my Mike left me. Every Saturday is so hard, I imagine him struggling to catch his breath while I'm downstairs cleaning. I go to his room almost every day and kiss the pillow his head rested on, but today I decided to crawl in his bed. Took my journal to write to him & listened to that song "dancing in the sky" over & over..,,I'm tired... So tired...I see the heart in the clouds....are our babies really in heaven waiting for us? I need to know he's waiting for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Amanda36 Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Mike's Mom...... I know there is a heaven. I believe, and always will believe. Your Son is with my daughter and everyone's loved one in Heaven. And I will tell you. In 15 years, I'm sure it still will not be easy for me. But a lady I know lost a son and she told me to Change everything, redo your house, every room if that is what it takes. I am in the proses of doing that. And it is helping. Oh I still have my REALLY bad days, But I'm telling you.. there is a Heaven. And I thank God I have about 30 Messages on my phone from my daughter. I don't listen to them all the time, but when I need to hear her voice, I am so Bless to hear her say His Mom, and Just called to say Goodnight, or Hey maybe I don't want to leave a message Love you.... and her laugh. She was the best thing in my life, but she was ready to go home to the Lord. She had suffered enough. So now I have to except it. Mike's Mom, look back and I promise you, you will see the times when the Lord was there, you will see the times God was present. God Bless you, and everyone that has lost a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 I wanted to attach the ornament I made for Michael for st nicks this year; I wanted to put something in his stocking so I found a picture of him holding his little brother Chris when he was born. Michael was so excited & happy to have a baby brother! I hope I've attached this correctly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Amanda36, thank you, I know there has to be a heaven, I want to talk to my son so desperately, I've been so incredibly sad this week. I'm not sure where this new life of mine is going, I've always had such a positive outlook on life but right now I'm not sure what to think or feel....I just want to see my son, I can't believe he's gone...,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Amanda36.....it is late....but I want you to know that we all hear....all that are here....more tomorrow for you...just hang on with both hands.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Francesca, he is waiting for you but he doesn't want you to leave early, you are still here, to find a way to live in this different place and shine Mike's light. It will take time Sweetie, but you will find your way. I know some days you would rather not, it takes so much energy just to get out of bed somedays, to find a whole new way to live seems excruciatingly difficult. It is and it will be, but it is worth the ache to carve out this space. Life is going to be different but it can be good again. It will always hold the energy of your Mike, as will you always hold his energy, and in his honor you can live your best life.Amanda36, my heart to you as you join us here in this place, so sorry that you have had to find a place such as ours, and yet so glad that you did. I hate to think of those who go through this terrible loss without a place like ours. I have been here for 11 years, my Daughter was 19 when she was killed. Can you tell us more about your Sweet Daughter? About you and the family, I mean when you are ready of course. I hope that you jpost some more and read. We are holding your hands, knowing what a struggle you have been traveling through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 17 weeks 3 days since we lost our Angel James We are going to the site where he died to lay fresh flowers as it's the 11th. Then church and then to his grave. I just can't believe that I'm never going to see him again have that amazing hug hear those words I love you mum. I'm struggling but I know we all are and I find comfort here. I read more than post as I'm not good at putting my feelings into words. But I listen and try. I love the idea of the quilt made out of special clothing I'm going to try that James was also very good with words he wrote so many caring thoughtful words so I'm going to collate them into a book to keep and read. Thank you Lauriie for all the links to your grief journey you sent me I've been going through them.Francesca I feel your pain our Sons deaths were so close they were also close in age.Dee Susan Shannon Sherry Elieen Laurie you all give so much of yourselves to us newbies I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that God Bless to everyone going through this awful journey of loss and grief. I'm glad you all like the clouds. I've attached a picture of my three at my daughters wedding in June our last time as a whole family Love to you all Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Georgina, lovely photo you shared, thank you for giving us the faces and smiles of your wonderful family. Such good looking Children. Does your Daughter live near-by? How is she in her grief? There is a good book that reads like fiction but is memoir: Name All the Animals by Alison Smith. I loved this book and read it soon after Erica died. Also: Paula by Isabelle Allende Also: The Worst Loss by two women whose names I have forgotten but very helpful And: Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott more because she is an irreverent spiritual woman and one of my favorite authors.I cry while I read and appreciate the ways some are able to word my heart, as though they live there too. But in fact, we are living what they have lived. The one by Alison Smith is written from her point of view as sister to the Child who died so it may serve your Daughter well also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Amanda....I 'found' this site one night when I was looking something else up on the internet....I feel as if I was 'guided'....and my human boat was going down...down...down....and the parents on this site threw me a life jacket...to keep me afloat...for I was really drowning in deep and dark waters....drowning in such deep sadness. I discovered I wasn't going crazy....I was just in deep mourning....and yes.....we are all a 'mess' when our world is shifted. We are unbalanced...and our hearts are shattered and splattered.... Dee has said that we are so..so brave to live one day past when we lose our child...so true...You will grieve for your child in your own unique way...as your child was unique...We all have different situations and circumstances and live all over the world...but there are some common grounds in this kind of grief. I 'cocooned'.....I cancelled every civic and social engagement....I bought every book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and read them.....I still 'cocoon' to a certain extent......and yes....we are forever changed....Dee says we must change to make room for the loss..... I am still seeking my 'new normal'.....our 'change' does not happen over night...although...our world changed in a nano second....that is why so many say the same thing...'I am a mess'......there is nothing to hold on to when the bottom falls out from under you.... This grief journey does not come with any map or compass....it is dark..and we fumble along....and you are right....some days we march 5 steps ahead....and the next....7 steps back.... We have many parents on this site that has been here for years....I call them 'spirit guides'....and they are farther up the path than we are.....but they 'wave' to us....and let us know we, too, can survive. We are so blessed that many parents had a knowing in their heart that they could help 'new' parents that just stepped on this grief journey. I stay on this site for I do not have a circle of friends living around me that has lost a child....and only a parent that has lost a child can understand the shoes I walk in....my 'dread' of holidays....my eternal ache for my John David....my quick tears....my Mother's heart....on this site I can have a horrible day dealing with my grief....and the parents on this site understand without me giving a lot of description....they nod their heads and reach out to me and hold my hand. We are here to hear you. Peace to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Georgina....an amazing love filled photo....thank you for sharing...does your daughter live close to you ? My daughter, Randa, and her family live in the same town....she was so close to John David..she the older sister...we see each other 'almost' every day....we talk to each other every day...she is just now ..me, too....able to talk in a 'loving everyday kind of way and say his name'.....without falling to pieces...she has always been my 'little partner'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Hi Susan and Dee the smaller one Charlotte is my youngest she lives with me now. She's just moved back in. She suffers with a syndrome called Crydral Cranial Oestosis she's had lots of surgery over the years is almost deaf very small but such a special girl a real fighter almost died at birth. She was very close to James and he was a good support to her throughout her life , very protective. She's 23. They had a special relationship. The bride is my middle child she's 28 was a ballet dancer before she married also very close to her brother She's such also just lovely very generous and caring. She's expecting her first child and has had a very rough ride with all the stress but thank God she's ok only 8 weeks to go now Gemma lives in London which is about 2 hours away from me. So I don't see her a lot but we talk everyday. Both of the girls are coping they cry everyday still but are trying to be strong for me and their dad. They worry about us we haven't been coping very well which isn't fair on them but we can't help it. I've been going through the disclosure pack today all the witness statements police statements scene photos. Just trying to make sense of it all but it's impossible all the statements are different and I just want justice for my son but it's not going to happen The inquest is just a formality which we have to go through to get a verdict. Nothing will change the driver gets to go on with his life and we just have to live with it.Dee I've order the Alison Smith book for the girls to read thank you.My younger daughter wrote this last night on. Face book.Love and Peace to you all God Bless GEORGINA xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 Georgina, I am glad that Charlotte is living with you while you all grieve. She is indeed a fighter. And I am sending extra prayers for your Gemma too, as she nurtures her pregnancy while grieving. Your Daughters have two of my favorite names. I love them, have taught only one Charlotte, but never a Gemma. Just so you know, as I recall the mom in the story you ordered goes off to live a new life, so if you think that will be rough on the girls, maybe hold off. By the way, your being weepy and in deep mourning is not a weakness it is grief in all of its clarity. It will change as you go but to hold it back is like not breathing, you must breathe, and you must grieve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 11, 2015 still covered with grease from my job and my really stained prosthesis on but a moment of joy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Gretchen.....so much joy in that one photo....those little hands hold so much healing...the child like spirit brings us to a place of sweet simplicity and solace..thanks for sharing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RicknTommysMommaa Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 i have good days and bad days.. sometimes they are the same day.. can i be bad and show who helps me get thru some of those days??in green is Baby.. Tourquoise is Cissy.. they are my champions.. their coats have absorbed my tears, their cuddling helped me sleep.. their play has brought a smile to my face, bittersweet tho it is.. Victoria Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Thanks Dee I will. I feel so strange today a panic in my heart another horrible day to face watching others go on with their lives whilst ours has stopped in that moment of time and never will be the same again. Victoria I too have two dogs ones who's bithday is today she's 13 The other who's two and a half. The small one Cindy Boo has been a comfort to me she knows something's wrong and lays by my side constantly. The older one Kizzy has missed James so much has been very restless and went through days and days of waiting for him by the stairs to come home Georgina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RicknTommysMommaa Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 today my sons fiance goes back to classes.. she is pharmacology student.. when Rick died.. well shes got a lot on her plate right now.. she has to catch up the missed part of last semester plus her new classes now.. i will think of her today, with support for her, sorry cant say prayers because, well, just not feeling prayers right now.. she has lost an awful lot with Ricks death too.. the whole future they had planned.. you see.. Rick had it all figured out.. he would work while she got degree, graduates 2017, then they would get married, get house, start having my grandbabies.. wellmeaning friends tell her she has to 'get on with her life' and 'concentrate on the future' and the like.. can i slap them and get away with it do you think?? they were each others life.. amazing to see the two of them together because even when you only say one you saw the other in their eyes.. they were so in love.. and Rick was her .. anchor.. so now shes afloat and friends dont seem to understand that.. my soul is shattered.. how can hers be less.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Laurie....thinking of you and Bob today....when you can...please let us know how it went..... Oh Yes.....our pets....that love us unconditionally....and are there through thick and thin...I have John David's dog...Cowgirl...he had to move and the new apartment had a 'no pet' policy....I know many parents inherit their children's pets....am so glad I have her now...I also have another dog....a small one...named Sue Ann....I have two cats...I named one after my best...best friend...(she died )...Margaret Ann....I missed saying her name....it may sound strange to some....but...that is my business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Just checking in for a minute..........not feeling 'up to par'....(just the 'blahs'.) I'm sorry to see so many new people here at BI. My thoughts & prayers arefor each one......and I hope you will return. We're here & we understand. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0t0EW6z8a0&feature=youtube_gdata_player needle and the damage done, in memory of joshua betterton's birthday. 1976 - 2013 I love you Josh.your mom and i are now watching the sky for you and forest--we expect some amazing comet to blaze across. xo love, gurnder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Victoria.....yes....Rick's fiance will have her own grief journey to walk.....but you both loved the same man....not with the same love....but a love for him that creates a strong circle of love. She will have her direction and you...yours.....but both of you can hold hands while walking on this dark and sad path. I am glad you are there for her and understand how hard the days and months ahead will be a challenge.....for she will have to grieve and sit in class...study...and take tests...all the while carrying her heavy burden of grief. She will not have any 'time off' to let her grief find a balance for her healing. You will be invaluable for her.....for she can come and talk the night away.....and you will understand. She will be invaluable to you in that she knows that amazing boy from cover to cover...that your heart is breaking for. Please don't fret or waste any of your anger or frustration over people saying things like...'get on with your life'....I think people are well meaning....they just don't know how to use the 'right' words at times like this.....I simply call them ignorant....at least until they walk in your shoes. For now....the best thing you and she can do for each other is to realize to take this grief one day at a time....and to be kind and gentle to one another....take care of each other....and 'self care'.....I do believe the small things we can do for another are really the most meaningful. Sherry.....we have had some 'cold and very wintery weather' in our part of south Texas....I really don't know how I would make it if I had 'Real Winter' weather for a long time.... Kate....am thinking of you.....wondering if you had surgery ? Laurie....let us hear.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2015 Gretchen...is that your friend's son ?I do hope the sky will open for them to shine through, too.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 We had a short court date today, and the lady who ran over my son had her lawyer request a different judge. The request was granted. I don't think it will help her much though. It also gives the DA more time to interview another witness I found. But another judge means the jury trial will not be until maybe June or July (because another judge will have to be brought in from another county). The trial will be at least 3 to 4 days long. There will also be shorter, update status dates in between today and then. But the District Attorney seems committed to our case. ******************************** Sherry, understand those Blah's. Today I just took a nap afterwards for about 2 hours. I really needed just to sleep for awhile. Are you and your husband going to do a garden this year? My husband said there is a large gray squirrel running around Jesse's house that we still own. He is going to try and "live trap" him. I think we should just cut down the walnut tree behind the house so critters will not be drawn in. Gretchen, thanks for sharing the pics. Are you able to talk to your friend, Josh's mom? Shannon, thinking of you too as you approach another court date. from Georgina, "I feel so strange today a panic in my heart another horrible day to face watching others go on with their lives whilst ours has stopped in that moment of time and never will be the same again" I think many of us can relate to that feeling...and the surrealness we find ourselves in.... Susan, thanks for asking about the court date and how it went. I agree that pets can help us through some tough times and they often serve as a connection point to the deceased if they were owned by that person. I looked for an article on how pets help people in the grief process and found this. It is geared to a suicide death but still applies: http://www.suicidefindinghope.com/content/how_pets_help_us Dee, how did the baby's baptism go the other day? You mentioned your husband making Jumbalaya, never had it...hope everything went well...Hope Erica is enjoying being the big sister....my youngest son's daughter Jennifer is about 3 years older than Benton, she loves being the boss of him because at her house she is the youngest Sending gentle thoughts for all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Laurie I'm so sorry about your day in court today positives and negatives to get from it but it's just awful how they drag things out. I'm going to London tomorrow to see a solicitor from a charity called'Roadpeace', I've had to read all the statements in our disclouse pack and fill out a table of similarities and differences between them. Such a painful hard thing to do but we cannot afford to pay someone. I hope she can help me I'm so lost. Georgina Love to all xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lsj53 Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 I have been trying to catch up on posts tonight and want to send prayers and blessings to all those here with loss of their children, financial issues, depression and grief issues, other family issues, legal issues, etc. I went back to work part time last week and will return to full time in about a week. I am managing to hold it together "fair" at work at least in front of my coworkers. A close coworker said she saw my doctor today who asked how I was doing and the co worker told her I was doing much better. I guess when you're not crying in front of others all the time they think that you are much better although it's only been two and a half months since the death of my only child ,a son, who lived with me. What she doesn't see is the anxiety inside of me , the panic attacks, the constant thoughts inside my head about my son,and the tears that flow both to and from work and at home. Another close friend called me last night and when I started crying and tried to tell her how I was feeling she started talking about people that loose young children and how they don't have them the amount of time I had my son who was 42. It doesnt matter the age of your child you loose as they are your love and everything in your life is changed forever no matter their age. Coming home from work is very hard knowing he won't be coming home. We also have a maltipoo that was a joint "baby " of ours, he is almost 10 and special needs due to multiple past and present health issues. He has grieved over the loss of his "daddy" and has been a comfort to me although I must admit my grief has prevented giving him as much emotional attention as he needs. I have only a sister who lives about 30 miles away and is in poor health and my 2 awesome grandkids, ages 14 and 16, who live 4 hours away, Oh how I wish they lived closer! Contact from friends has dwindled to minimum and visits and calls have gotten rare so I'm very lonely. This is why I sought out this board and so glad to have found friends that understand although I am very sad what brought you to this uderstanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Victoria, I sure hope your Son's Girl will be able to find her way back to studying and putting the energy into school. It will be very hard for her I am sure though younger folks do grieve differently and may need to have something to consume their time again. School is a healthy outlet as long as she doesn't feel poorly about herself if she struggles to catch up. Her friends have no idea what she is feeling, just like ours don't, but being younger, they really have a more immediate sense of things I think. I wish her goodness. Georgina, and all pet owners, it is sweet to have that unconditional love that a pet can give. Erica and Jon's cats lived here after they both left for Michigan, and Stormy, Eri's cat sat on her pile of clothes we broght back from Kalamazoo after cleaning out her room adn bringing it all home. Stormy sat there and meowed and sniffed and seemed to almost guard the pile of belongings. We no longer have animals, but loved all the ones we have had. Gretchen I love the photos of you and the kids, so much love there, that amazing grammylove. And your Friend's Boy, so beautiful and so missed, just like all of our Kids. Give your friend a hug from us. Sherry, get some rest and read and maybe in a few days you will feel a bit lighter. How is Kitty? Laurie, I sure know how the court things go, it is very hard to have faith in the system sometimes. What did the driver hope to accomplish in securing another judge? Does she feel that this judge is biased?The baptism was great, Erica the big sister has found an opera-etic pitch lately and just lets it peal when she chooses...well she chose at church to let it go, oh my what a sound bouncing off the high domed ceilings, and the stained glass. The priest said, " well if something that small can make such a joyful noise that loud, I expect all of you adults to sing loud." Good sense of humor.I ended up taking her in the bathroom to play in the sink for a while.Back at our house we had about 18 people present for dinner, it was grand. A calm and happy group and the babes were a delight. Little Dude in his whilte sweater outfit...adorable, and Erica in bright gold knit tights under a navy adn gold corduroy dress. So sweet.We enjoyed wine, football, and good conversation. My husbands jumbalaya was delicious and my gluten free cornbread was pretty good for my first time making it, I will tweak it next time putting some more fun stuff into it. But it was a spectacular day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 I wore Michaels lucky Packer shirt yesterday & they won! Mike loved the packers ; his best friend loves the Cowboys & early on in the season the two of them discussed the possibility of a Packer/Cowboy playoff- they would've had such a great time. This game was for you son! Trying to have a better day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Go Packers Francesca. Your Mike is beaming as the Packers took over in the end. HOORAY! And by this, just a game to many, is a way to communicate and connect to your Boy. I talk aloud to Erica, still after this many years, in part because I feel she can hear some of my talks, and also because it makes me feel more connected. WE do what feels best in a place where nothing seems right, eventually, a new normal will be found, by your looking for ways to have a better day. A ladybug has been crawling in adn out of my keyboard tonight, she is busy. I wrote Eri's name in the snow today...it was the first really deep-enough snow this morning to scoot my feet into 6 ft. letters across our lawn. I figure she could see the sparkle of her name shining up to her. She loved the snow, so do I. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 yes that is my friend lynn's son. i've known her since i was twelve. i was there the day he was born, the first of our friends to have a baby. we would pass him back and forth all evening she, her husband, her brother and i, because he was very collicky and that red hair!! i talk to her every couple of days on my way to work as she is a night owl too. we have lots of memories, same sense of humor and needless to say shared grief over our children. her other son is so sweet, he lives in kc and occasionally posts things about how much he misses his big brother. it is hard for him in lots of ways, he and josh had big falling outs because of josh's drug addiction and he of course now wrestles with things he said and did. so sad for him. i wish he knew my kids to talk to. josh and justin are quite a bit older than mine so when they saw each other at get togethers forest was the only one they really knew at all. i'm playing hooky from work for 1/2 a day. should feel guilty but i don't. so sorry there are so many of you here that are new and i haven't really gotten to know. keep coming back, i found it and still do find it such a comfort just to talk about my life in general here because everyone here knows how different life has become for us, and how many people out there we pretend for and have no idea we are not the same person. love to all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Gretchen, I hope you enjoy your time off. I love the picture of you and those little sweeties. Dee, I'm sure Eri smiled at seeing her name sparkle in the snow. We've only had one good snow, early in the season. I also wrote Trista's name then. They story of Stormy guarding Eri's things touched my heart. Trista's dog, Tazzy slept with Tris. He followed her around everywhere. If he was 'in trouble' she would talk to him just like you would a child, explaining his 'mistake' and why she was upset with him. He would sit right at her feet, looking up at her until she would give up and call him into her lap. For a long time after she left he would just lay right outside her bedroom door. He eventually started sleeping with me but I still find him there sometimes. He misses her too. I'm so glad the baptism was nice and you had such an awesome day with your little loves. Francesca, I agree with Dee. I'm sure Mike was thrilled at the outcome of the game. I also have certain things of Trista that I wear to feel that connection to her. Like Dee, I talk aloud to her and also write to her. Linda, I understand that loneliness. I also lived away from most of my family and friends. I had people drift away too. I think sometimes they just don't know what to say or how to relate to our grief. I think sometimes even surrounded by people we sill feel 'alone in a crowd'. This 'place' is different because everyone here understands. I'm glad you found us. You're right. The age of your Child does not matter. Your baby is your baby no matter how old they are. People say hurtful things in attempt to console and comfort sometimes. They just don't get it. I stopped trying to make anyone else understand and instead I come here. I'm glad that you have Shawn's little dog. Animals can be great healers of the heart. I have Trista's little Pomeranian, Tazzy, and her cat, Christopher. I am not a 'little dog' person or a cat person but I love them both and I'm so happy to have them. Sometimes Tazzy runs off. We keep a close eye but he's small and when the kids are in and out he sneaks right past them. He's well known around the neighborhood. Once he ended up clear downtown at the flower shop. He's even made our small town law enforcement blotter in the paper. It doesn't take much here. He stays home more often now that he's getting older but still takes off on an adventure now and then. When he does I tell Tris to bring him home safely and always I get a call shortly after or he shows up at the door. Sherry, I hope you get feeling better soon. I have felt just a heavy tiredness lately. I'm thinking of you. Laurie, I'm so sorry that this will drag on longer for you but I am glad to hear that you have the support of the district attorney. This has all been a long time coming and you have worked so hard. Susan, I don't think naming your cat Margaret Ann is strange at all. I know what you mean about that Mother/Daughter dynamic during the teenage years. When I say Tris was ' 'angsty' it's a word I use with much love. She had this way of seeing all that's wrong in the world and this strong desire to fix it. I have always been much like you in that my kids are free to voice absolutely any thought or feeling as long as they do it respectfully and as long as they understand that as 'The Mom' I make the final decision. I always want them to feel heard and understood. I knew with Tris that those personality traits that could send me to the edge of madness, her strong opinions and independence, would some day serve her so well and they would be the personality traits that would make it maybe a little easier to send her out into the world. I would know she would not ever be bullied or taken advantage of and would always stand her ground. Still trying to catch up on posts. I've stayed pretty busy for a couple weeks just reorganizing everything. I used to be fairly organized. Since losing Tris, I've done what has to be done... Laundry, dishes, mopping the floors... But nothing else really mattered. I guess it's a good sign that I even care. Or maybe it's just necessity because no one can find anything. I'm pretty proud though. I've gone through every room one by one and made it make sense again. I've stayed focused long enough to follow through which is also new development. Going through things in my office I found the box of sympathy cards I received. I looked at some. I know I read them all but have no memory of most of them. It was like reading them for the first time. Kate, how are you??Also thinking of Wade and Wanda today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Gretchen....I have lost count of the many 'thought movies' that re-run across my foggy mind ....all the 'what if'.... What If.....Margaret Ann was still alive....and she could be with me on this grief journey....oh....what I would give to be able to talk with her...I was 12 years old when we became 'friends'....it is such a cute story how an 18 year old and a 12 year old became such 'Soul and Spirit Friends'.....she named her oldest son John David....and I named my first born son John David....when she was pregnant with her 4th child....I was pregnant with my first....(she had 3 boys)....finally...she had a girl...and then I had a girl....we were over the moon....she named her girl, Leslie and I named my girl, Randa....names from 'Gone With the Wind'.....and then I had 5 boys....(little girls are hard to come by in our family)....all our son's have boys...Randa has 2 girls and 2 boys...Jeremy is not married... then I go into the What If....I could have my GRANDparents or parents to talk to....I know they would love and pet on me..You have a real blessing to have your friend....for both of you walk in the same shoes and can be such a support to each other when the bottom is falling out from beneath you....I know that each of you wishes you did not share that kind of grief...but you do have each other. Enjoy your hookey day. Dee....I love the snow writing.....I wish I had a quarter for every time I would pick up a GRANDchild and exit with them...teething...dirty diapers...crying...and it was no problem at all....love covers it all. more later.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 susan--i am so sorry you lost such a close friend. i have several very close friends i've had since 12. the fact that lynn lost josh is terrible, but helping her has given me so much. as you know there is nothing like talking with someone that truly understands and the fact we have known each other so long--plus i lived with her brother when i was young. he is still my heart's heart. he is my skin horse (from the veleteen rabbit) and has been a golden thread through the tapestry of my life and he of course is grieving too. at any rate we feel like comfortable shoes laughing and crying together. i wish your beautiful friend was still here. i'm glad you named your furry friend for her.here is lynn's brother rus back in the day with lynn and dave's dog woozle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yes Gretchen.....those 'old' friends know you in a way like no other...and it is good you have those that make the fabric of your life richer...I do have some dear friends....that I have 'known' since birth...because of our small town... but I have to admit...the relationship between me and Margaret Ann was quintessential..I do love the Velveteen Rabbit...we gave the book to Jeremy when he was 5 and my parents gave him a white baby rabbit complete with a cage....you become real when you are loved. I give one to all my GRANDchildren. Laurie.....in spite of the delay....and that is all they are doing is using every thing in the book to delay it....for they probably know that instead of being in jail....she will be sent to prison after sentencing. I do believe all went well for you and yours...if the DA is convinced she is guilty...he/she will be aggressive....for it will look good on their credentials they took someone like that off the streets. It will be a positive score for one of our parents to have the justice system serve them well. We know that nothing can bring our child back....but having the legal system / courts/ law enforcement not doing their job...makes their passing that much more darker...and healing almost non-existent....for all the wrongs that were not addressed....and the people that were not held accountable. Shannon....am so glad you are getting your nest organized....when I am 'cleaning and get-r-done' I feel so good...it is like a vacation to me....and I need to follow your footsteps ....sometimes I look around and think..'why haven't I done that?'...and then I remember....it is like I haven't been here.....very strange...I do believe for some of us....we do things by rote...by habit...without a purpose....that is just the way to get from 'A' to 'Z'.....without thinking...but grief has numbed me in so many ways....I don't know if those parts will ever be energized like they were 'before'.....I guess that is something I will have to leave for time to tell. It sounds as if Trista was headed up to be a lawyer or counselor....if she was that young and already debating the 'problems' of the world...if you are a lawyer you can represent the downtrodden..if you are a counselor....you can help them.... Randa is a force all her own...she is a Gemini....and can multitask better than anyone I have ever known....and she can turn on a dime and give you change....she 'reads' people very well.....and she is very loyal. Tonight my twins...Hunter Bear and Taylor are being inducted into the High School Natl. Honor Society....and Austin was selected into the U of Texas National Honor Society.....just got that news a couple of weeks ago....his Creative Writing Professor gave him a 100+......'Radio/TV/Film' program....you have to be selected... We are proud of them....they do work hard for their grades....Taylor has decided to graduate a year early....she has one of the astrophysicists kind of math minds.....she did not inherit that from me....she reminds me of me when I was young...sorta a 'rebel without a cause'.....she does not march to the beat of ordinary drums....her Uncle John David carried her very high....she asked for his belt that has his name on the back...his old leather belt....I told her I would have it sized for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 Thought I would put out this resource that I was reminded of today: Still Standing Magazine, for surviving child loss. Link to an article on what not to say to a bereaved parent http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/6-things-never-say-bereaved-parent/ Thanks Susan, for your note below. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 I just wanted to say "HI" to everyone and that I have been thinking of all of you and wondering how you are doing. I have not been well the past month.... and have had to undergo some tests at the hospital. I wound up in ER the other night with the pain from a few things going on. Gall stones being one of them. I have mostly spent my days sleeping, as I am on so many meds that my head is spinning. I sit here patiently waiting for the surgeon to determine when he is going to remove this darned thing. I understand they will not know until they get in there if it can be done by laprascopic (sp?) surgery due to other health issues, or the old way. Which is a two month recovery period. Oh, goody!. Nuts, getting older is definitely no fun. I have always said that I am not over the hill... but standing on top with the best view. On a more positive note I am getting caught up on a ton of Netflix programs. Also, our weather has taken a turn for the better with the arrival of a warm front. Well, warm for us. Not that I can get out to enjoy it...but it is nice to know that winter is slowly fading away. I have a lot to get caught up in my reading of posts. I am sorry to see so many new people, but also glad that you have found this place to find support. Love to all, KATE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2015 So sorry Kate to hear that...hopefully the procedure goes smoothly...must be the month for this kind of stuff...my husband just found out he has to be off until February from his kidney and prostate surgery...if you get the laparoscopic surgery it would be easier...I bought my husband a readers digest and a National Geographic magazine, there was a very interesting article in it on ancient peoples...otherwise maybe a Kindle device would be nice about now...I am leaning to purchasing one after sitting there for so many hours, much easier to transport... Let us know how things go...sending prayers and love... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 Kate, I am sorry that you have been so ill as to go to the hospital...goodness. I hope that the work can be done lap-way but either way, time to begin to feel better for spring in a few months. Glad that you will be getting this done soon. If I could walk over and bring you some soup and have some tea with you, I sure would. Thoughts and prayers my Dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 It's been a few days and I had to catch up. Kate, sorry about your gallbladder, and I also hope it can be done laparascopic. I had mine out that way years ago, and it was great. I've had about 10 other laparascopic surgeries since then, and the recoup is so much easier than doing it "open". I had that too, and was laid up for weeks. Mermaid Tears (susan?) those cabinet tile creations are fabulous! I adore them! You should open an Etsy store. I would be a customer! I used to cross stitch like a fiend, and it was so relaxing to me. It's been years, life got too busy, and I haven't had the where with all, to start again. I bought a "teach yourself to crochet" book a few years ago. Made my baby niece an afghan and that was it. I picked it up again two Christmas' ago and vowed to make everyone a scarf I didn't even finish one. Been a rough few days. I seem to cry most in the mornings, and in the car. With all that has happened at work, having to lay everyone off, it was heartbreaking. I still have this need to above all else scream, MY SON DIED. That supercedes it all. How did everything go so very wrong at the same time. Every Friday night, I stare at the clock. It was Friday 11/28/2014 time of death 2338. So the countdown starts at 10:20ish, that we got a call from my sister. And I play the X weeks ago, at this time, I was driving to my sisters....now I was driving to the hospital...now I was standing in the ER watching them roll Matthew in while doing compressions.... I still feel the need to cocoon myself. I don't want to go out, to mingle, to meet friends for dinner. My friend wants me to get together with her two daughters who are 13, and my granddaughter so they can give their Christmas gift to her. I don't want to. I just feel I have no conversation to offer. And I feel her getting frustrated by my constant excuses. How to make someone understand without hurting feelings. I'm sure she thinks I should be returning to the land of the living, but I still feel like dying myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 It's been a few days and I had to catch up. Kate, sorry about your gallbladder, and I also hope it can be done laparascopic. I had mine out that way years ago, and it was great. I've had about 10 other laparascopic surgeries since then, and the recoup is so much easier than doing it "open". I had that too, and was laid up for weeks. Mermaid Tears (susan?) those cabinet tile creations are fabulous! I adore them! You should open an Etsy store. I would be a customer! I used to cross stitch like a fiend, and it was so relaxing to me. It's been years, life got too busy, and I haven't had the where with all, to start again. I bought a "teach yourself to crochet" book a few years ago. Made my baby niece an afghan and that was it. I picked it up again two Christmas' ago and vowed to make everyone a scarf I didn't even finish one. Been a rough few days. I seem to cry most in the mornings, and in the car. With all that has happened at work, having to lay everyone off, it was heartbreaking. I still have this need to above all else scream, MY SON DIED. That supercedes it all. How did everything go so very wrong at the same time. Every Friday night, I stare at the clock. It was Friday 11/28/2014 time of death 2338. So the countdown starts at 10:20ish, that we got a call from my sister. And I play the X weeks ago, at this time, I was driving to my sisters....now I was driving to the hospital...now I was standing in the ER watching them roll Matthew in while doing compressions.... I still feel the need to cocoon myself. I don't want to go out, to mingle, to meet friends for dinner. My friend wants me to get together with her two daughters who are 13, and my granddaughter so they can give their Christmas gift to her. I don't want to. I just feel I have no conversation to offer. And I feel her getting frustrated by my constant excuses. How to make someone understand without hurting feelings. I'm sure she thinks I should be returning to the land of the living, but I still feel like dying myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 This is something I had wanted to frame and give Matthew for his birthday 2 weeks before he left me. It described everything we had been through perfectly. I never got it done in time, so I had it printed and framed and displayed at his wake. Eileen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 Thank you everyone for your thoughts and wishes. I appreciate it. I am at my wits end after five full weeks of this. Our medical system has gone to the dogs with the waiting period for surgeries. It is the number of people waiting that has become the issue. Having said that I guess we are lucky to live in a country that provides free medical care to all. When Ross was diagnosed with cancer and referred to the Cancer Care program he had immediate attention. When placed on the palliative program all of his meds, tests, checkups, were free. Truly serious life threatening circumstances are seen immediately. The ER staff were my heroes the other night. They took me immediately as they were concerned the stone was going to block a duct. These poor guys are working on the front line and I am ever so grateful. I hope to read and get caught up on posts over the next few days. Take care, everyone. sending love to all, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 eileen--it has hardly been any time at all since you lost your son. going out and mingling may be a long time coming. it was for me, still isn't always what i'm up for. maybe you should tell her that you realize she doesn't understand but you just don't feel up to company yet and maybe she could make an arrangement for your granddaughter to visit her girls without you. seems reasonable to me. kate sorry you've been ill. i have spent the last 6 weeks in bed on and off myself and the spinning head and meds is a mess!! trying to stay off some because they don't mix at all but as a result i am in some pretty intolerable pain. bla can't seem to find a solution. surely it's out there somewhere. hope you get all yours worked out, i hear gall bladder pain is no fun!! my son in law works at a club where some of the kids friends work. there are dollar bills stapled to the walls. he sent me this pic and said he just found this at work last night encased permanently in the countertop so nobody can rip it down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2015 Gretchen, wow, loved the dollar bill with Forest's name on it -- that is so incredible and so touching... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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