Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 6, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2015 I haven't been on here much due to some health issues with my husband. He has surgery tomorrow for Kidney Stones. Since Sunday, we have had 2 emergency room visits, 2 urologist visits, and 1 pre-op visit. I am tired. It will be an overnight stay so will be at a hospital until Thursday. At 2 of the visits he kept telling the medical staff about Jesse. Having someone ask how many kids you have, I determined just to say it like it is, 2 here and 2 in heaven. Next Monday it will be a court room date for the girl who ran over Jesse. ********************************************Thinking of everyone tonight. I want to tell anyone new here, that this "place" has helped me so much during this time. I am grateful to all who have helped me and listened. Blessings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Laurie, I sure hope that your husband will do very well through surgery and post surgery, heal quickly and that you feel our love with you over these next hard days. Prayers. Susan, what's up? Thank you for showing us the news where your Son was spoken about. What sadness and what love that surround you all in this. I love the utube. The song is lovely and the photos let us in to see life as it was. Those are golden memories. Shannon, the poem you posted is lovely, couplets written with Trista totally at the forefront. Lovely. Sherry, it will be negative 10 actual tonight and wind chill to 35 below. I am glad to be home and school has been cancelled for tomorrow. Good. No kids should be at bus stops in this weather. Peace my friends, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Total panic attack tonight. Aiden said his tummy hurt and shortly after fell asleep. That's a little unusual for him. He's so high energy that bedtime is typically more of a struggle. It could have been that he didn't nap today or the fact that he was extra rambunctious this evening that he tired out sooner but my mind just kept spinning. Did he ingest something I wasn't aware of that made his stomach hurt? Is he coming down with something? I worry so much. I called my sister and she helped calm me down. I'm still sitting here watching over him. I'm so afraid of something happening to one of my boys. Sometimes the fear is so intense...Even when I know I'm being irrational. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandy's mom Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Gretchen - I think I will be doing the same thing. Keeping most of Mandy's things. I am thinkng of having a quilt made from her clothes. We have a studio and my husband put the table in there for now, He said if I can't get rid of it we can just store it in there. I think that is wonderful you are able to go to his grave and get comfort there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RicknTommysMommaa Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 since both are gone i guess i dont have to worry about posting thier picture online huh..Tommy the hero is the brunette.. lost him 6 month after this pic.. the little cutie is my Rick.. gone today 8 weeks.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lsj53 Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 I am back to work today after two months oft since loss of my son. I'm scared and crying but will keep trying to put one foot in front of the other. Ill also see my primary doctor today and my grief counselor also rescheduled for today. I am only working half day but with the two apps it will be a full day for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As I have only done minimal till now. I feel like I am entering the unknon world of the twilight zone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Linda.....your employer sounds as if they are caring...in letting you have a 2 month absence....some don't even get 2 weeks...and just going for half a day will help you get the foot in the door....and your feet on solid foundation...and we know how foreign it feels to re-enter the 'world'.....when your whole world has been shifted and turned upside down....just take those very deep breaths...(at Christmas I would go into the bathroom and take many when I felt shaky)....and...don't try to 'explain' or give any excuses....just give yourself some kind attention.....and some TLC.....am glad you are going to see your grief counselor/primary Dr......they are there for you...and can give you the human touch....and keep an eye on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Look at Tommy and Ricky....our hearts that are already broken.....break a little more for you.....thanks for sharing...sometimes we just don't have any words that are beyond sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Laurie....we are all wishing your husband a successful surgery and recovery....remember my husband had quadruple by pass open heart surgery 9 months after we lost John David....I am beginning to think that the internal grief turns physical more in men than women...I see it as a healthy sign that he is talking about Jesse....for a Dr. and surgeon to know of this will give them another tool in his recovery. He is trying to open up and talk about it. You have had a lot on your plate....and once again we want you to 'self care'....you have brought all of us on this site so much meaningful information with your research...your quest....your seeking.....and so generous in sharing what you have learned. We are all richer for the knowledge. You and I are marching into 2015.....the 3rd year of our grief journey....me with my John David....you with your Jesse David...and it still seems to be foreign ground....still seems to be like walking on quicksand...where we can get swallowed up on certain places.....but each of us has other children that we love just as much and need our care. This grief is exhausting......and you....like me.....just wish that 'things would stop happening'.....so we can just lick our wounds. I sometimes 'wonder' about it all....and conclude that 'other issues' keep us involved and carry us forward.I hope while you are standing vigil at the hospital....there is a 'comfort chair' there for you....not as good as the one you have at home.....but one where you can have some rest. How many times when someone will post a situation on this site.....and so many of us think...'if only we lived down the street and could be there in person'.......this is one of those times with you....of course....Shannon comes to mind for I think all of us want to circle the wagons for all the outside issues that have engulfed her since she lost her Trista...but many have had such hardships to deal with and their grief. Let us hear from you.....Susan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Mandy's Mom......I ,too, have decided to have a quilt made from John David's clothing.....I will have one for me and then 5 more for his sister and 4 brothers......while I was at the County Fair there was a quilt made by a daughter for her Dad....she had photo/squares incorporated....and there was a scrapbook where she took photos of the item of clothing...like a shirt/pair of pants.....she won an award.....and I was so impressed with the 'thought' and work that went into creating that work of love. I would like to do it myself.....just create the top...and then have someone finish it and put the binder around it....I am only a straight stitcher.....if my Mom was alive...or Daniel's Mom.....they could do it....but they are gone, too.... I think that you should do....or not do.....whatever your instinct is.....remember....you are the 'star' of your movie....if you don't want to move anything....or one thing....that is your choice. I think because our 'world' changed so much in a nano second....we just can't allow one more tiny change....until we can have some healing and balance to come back into our lives...and only the healing hands of time can bring that solace to our world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Shannon....I do hope Aiden is better....and all of us can relate to that 'fear' that clutches at our hearts....and have to have someone 'talk us off that ledge'...... I think we all realize that we have to make grief our friend...as Colleen has said....but we all realize that 'fear' walks and talks with us, too......I have these teen-age GRANDchildren that drive.....so sirens have a different kind of sound to me now. Dee has said that we change....to make room for the loss....and I guess this is part of the change that we have this knee jerk reaction for our loved ones.....from now on....it will be instinct to have that 'What If' become full blown fear. I love how Aiden loves costumes....my GRANDchildren that live close by in Brenham..Austin, Hunter Bear, Tay and Pibby....when they were young....there were toy chests full of costumes....many changes through out the day....which creates a fertile ground for magic and imagination. I love that poem....written with the love pencil straight from a Mama's heart... Dee....I saw on the news last night that the schools would be closed.....my house looks like a greenhouse....here in South Texas we don't have much freezing weather...but we are getting a real Arctic Blast tonight...so all the plants had to come in...we covered the huge pots....so glad you and the kids will not be out in that deep freeze. Kate....how are you.....? I have had friends that had gall bladder problems....and boy....does that pain hurt....but after surgery...all was just fine. Let us hear. Carol.....every time I see double hearts I think of you....look at this cactus... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 attached Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Susan, love those double hearts on the cactus. How cool. Speaking of cool...bitter friggin cold here, so glad school was cancelled. I loved sleeping in again and went back to the chiropractor for another session which leaves me feeling much better. It was one of those times when I needed a second session to feel better. So I will go out later to pick up my Daughter in law from the train, she works downtown...and otherwise a low key day. The news is bad, that attack in Paris. I pray so that folks understand that the shooters are not representative of a whole culture and religion, just the fanatic wing of that religion, which all religions have those that are on the fringes of madness. Prayers. Linda, you went back to work so we are holding your hand as you do, and yes, it is a Twilight Zone you walk through. With two appointments in addition to your half day return to work I would imagine you will feel a bit overwhelmed, but remember, these are huge steps, huge. So treat yourself well, drink some hot tea and honey tonight, put your feet up. Do for yourself what you would advise a friend to do in similar circumstances. We so often don't treat ourselves as we would want for a friend. Tommy and Ricky's Momma, what beautiful boys, they look so alike except for hair color. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing your Boys with us. Shannon, keep us posted on Aidan and how he is feeling. Laurie, prayers for your Hubby and for court next week. So much but there you are, standing in the light of your sweet Jesse. Loving you from his new place and proud of you all the time. I can smell the aroma of the big pot of soup I am making, herbs and chicken on a slow simmer...ahhh winter meal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2015 Dee----So glad that your school was cancelled. It's sooo cold here too, (10 degreesand a 15-20 mph wind which makes the wind chill factor very bad). Our schooldistrict had a 2 hr. delay for today. The Catholic school where Becky teachesdid not cancel today, so Becky went in , but had to leave when she didn't haveanyone to stay with the boys, and school was cancelled in their district. (Her husbandhad to get to work). The Catholic school does not often cancel......not governed by thedecisions of the public schools. Glad that your chiro visits are giving you comfort,and wasn't it heavenly to sleep in ? Victoria----thanks for the pics of your beautiful boys. I'm glad you have found us hereat this site. Peace to you, friend. Shannon----I hope that your boy, Aiden, is feeling better. I understand your worry. Laurie-----sending prayers for your husband and his surgery. Susan-----John Davids mom------thank you so much for all those lovely screen shots.They say so well, how we all feel. Perfect words. Oh---love the heart-shaped cactus! PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Just an update... Not much time right now. I decided to reorganize my office tonight. Me and projects. I stay motivated long enough to make a mess then wonder what the heck I was thinking. Aiden is fine... Perfect. It's amazing the things my mind can do in the dark of night.... The nighttime Whatifs (from a Shel Silverstein poem I read to the kids.) Thank you all for asking about him. I'm sure the Christmas Day trip to the ER didn't help my anxiety. Still weighing on me, I guess. Thinking of all tonight and sending wishes for a peaceful evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Laurie, I'm keeping you and your husband in my thoughts and sending prayers for a quick recovery. Also prayers for strength and comfort with the upcoming court day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 I had a couple of good days recently but felt guilty for it; thought I was getting better ....so depressed again.....I see him so clearly in my mind.....we were just shopping together, seems like the other day. He was such a kid at heart, he really didn't have the emotional level that a 30 year old man should have....,,,Eileen, my Michael battled addition for the past 12 years & I'm sure that had a lot to with his emotional state as well as dealing with ADHD. I know how tough that fight is every day...doing all you can to save him.....my husband & I basically put our lives on hold because we were so focused on saving Michael ...we did all we could and still we lost him.....I went to a Compassionate Friends meeting last night, there were only 4 of us including the facilitator....it was good to talk to others.I got the autopsy report & the toxicology screen...reading through it was gruesome but I forced myself, I feel that I have to make myself face everything no matter how hard. His death was ruled a natural death due to aspiration of gastric contents but he had 3 drugs in his system- morphine, Xanax , Valium & all were within therapeutic range so they didn't call it an overdose. My husband seemed relieved- he hates the stigma of "overdose" but I'm upset with the fact that it will make it more difficult to get help from the police in finding out where he got the drugs.....he wouldn't have aspirated if he could have woken up but the drugs didn't allow him to wake up....and his bitch girlfriend was in his room when he died & didn't call for help....she robbed him and left the house , she told me he was still sleeping....I've never seen or heard from her since...His death is impossible to deal with but knowing his girlfriend was in the room when this happened makes it so incredibly agonizing ....we've considered that she could have woken up & found him gone & possibly freaked out, but to rob him of all his personal possessions & leave him dead for me to find is simply unimaginable..........I can't get past this...Shannon your poem is beautiful ...made me cry..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Bob is resting at the hospital...he is doing okay as can be. I am doubtful that he will come home tomorrow. (he also had another procedure done on his prostate which I think is going to need a bit of recovery). Christina had so much anxiety about this she got sick last night. Thank you all for the warm get well wishes it means alot. Last night I dreamed about Jesse too. It was a very strong dream, stronger than normal. As he appeared in my dream, I was so incredibly thrilled beyond thrilled, estatic to see him. He spoke (rather through thought) to me about his manner of death. I noticed his chest area was not at first totally filled in, like it was somewhat transparent, I always seem to focus on this area of him in my dreams since his heart valves had been torn away....I am traumatized even in sleep. He slowly faded from my view after this, I so desperately wanted to go to. He was more tranquil than normal...I awoke from this early morning dream and recorded it later in my dream journal. I keep those types of dreams to review later... The picture you posted Susan, Jesse loved those types of cactuses. He last experiment was to transplant some from our Arizona place to his place to see if they would survive the Wisconsin winter. They did and even bloomed bright yellow flowers. He was so proud of his cactuses. I dug up several of them and now keep them in my house in pots. I remember that your husband had that quadruple bypass....stress can do a lot to the body... ****************************************************************************** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Victoria, thank you for sharing the picture of your sons...it is a lovely photo... I had one son die as an infant, and one as an adult. I know how your whole world can feel yanked out from under you. I needed to rest for a long while. We are not the same. I am still trying to come to terms with who I am now. I know I have re-evaluated so many things in my life. What was worth something before doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Definitely have moved more towards becoming more spiritual and moved away from religious dogma. Mike's mom, it is awful and horrifying that the girl left your son like that. I often wonder why some people seem to lack human compassion and respect for others. It is so foreign to my thinking to just leave someone in dire straights like that. I have not come to terms yet with that type of person. I don't know if I ever will. Shannon, glad to hear that Aiden is okay. Understand that panicky feeling. Mary Ann, totally agree with the words on the image you posted. Linda, it would be hard to come back to work, though I know for some, work was helpful to them. My husband has strong workplace co-worker relationships and so did my daughter, so for them it provided stability and an outlet. Hopefully your workplace is supportive of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Again, thanks to all who wrote to me in regards of Bob...I am exhausted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Always will be so Maryanne. She tucks me into my sleep each night as I send her my hopes and prayers. Sherry, terrible that your Daughter had to report to her classroom only to have to turn around to get her Boys when their school cancelled. I am thinking that there should be a more united way of doing things whether parochial or public. Maybe have it be a blanket closing if the temps and wind chills reach a specific number, that way all parents and guardians can figure out daycare and work schedules when it is this cold. How goes those dental visits? Mike's Mom, a couple good days are a good sign for you but so often in that first year, there is guilt that hangs nearby. I know that our Angels would like to make it so that no guilt was about, they want us to find ways to have good days. One day you will let some of that guilt go, it is another natural reaction for those early in grief. It was just a blink of an eye that you were shopping with your Boy, the abstraction of time is simply overwhelming at times. Keep holding on and know that we are here for you. Remember that grief is a process, all processes take time, there are so many stages involved and in grief, many of the stages overlap and repeat themselves at different points on your path. One day you will see the steps you have taken and feel proud of the strength it took to get to the point you are. Laurie, so glad that your Bob is doing okay tonight. I am sorry that your Christina had a hard time with the anxiety of having Dad in surgery. It is hard to face more worry isn't it.How nice that you had a strong dream of Jesse. He was letting you know he is near it seems, that he is close. I dearly hope that you get some deep sleep tonight and not get too rundown. Another day off tomorrow as the morning temps are expected to be negative 12, the actual temps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RicknTommysMommaa Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 I have come to the conclusion that a large part of our culture should have the surname of "I sue".. I went to dr today.. blood pressure is up (gee doc wonder why) but not concerning yet.. then I went to pick up my sons death certificates.. while there I told the guys (who have all thru this been very helpful, paid to or not) that the driver of the semi that caused my sons death wants "damage compensation"... WHAT???? Telling them all of a sudden I went from "the my heart is broken i can't do anything" to the " let me at him.. I'll tear him limb from limb".. you want damage.. oh please just come within reach of my "mothers "hands.. this 'professional driver' (oh btw, hubby IS and I was a truckdriver).. did NOT have logs, not for that day or several before.. federally REQUIRED logs.. in the police report (yes its written down) that he told the cop there 'but i can make something up if you need me to'.. ended up with a $100 citation.. last log violation hubby got was $1200..AND THIS MAN WANTS TO SUE MY SONS INSURANCE FOR DAMAGES??? guys at the funeral home told me get a lawyer.. sue HIM for .. oh my brain just went dead.. cant tell im angry can you.. unlawful death?? un something death.. no.. wrongful death i think.. civil suit since it was deemed accident.. now.. i have lost my baby.. 33 yrs old but he was my baby.. the police, the coroner, the funeral home.. his fiance, family, friends.. please "I" need just 2 seconds, in a row, for ME!!! I am.. clueless.. lost.. if Rick were here HE would be the one i talked to, asked questions of.. he always had good ideas if he didnt have the answers.. i want him back..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Victoria I feel for you so much take a deep breath. I'm going through this too my beautiful son was crossing the road when he was killed instantly when a lorry hit him the police are not going to charge the lorry driver as they say there is not enough evidence too It looks like he didn't react at all just didn't see my son crossing. It's killing me so hard I feel the police are on the drivers side it seems that way we're lost devastated trying to go through all the papers in the case file and we can't afford help so we're on our own. I will think of you and keep you close to my heart God Bless You Georgina xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Oh Boy, I know the terrible frustration that comes with the wrongful death allegations. We had a wrongful death suit against both the town of Kalamazoo Michigan, and AMTRAK. Because railroads are mostly funded by govt. and Michigan had what is called, Torte reform, our case landed in Federal Court in Grand Rapids, Michigan. We live just outside of Chicago. The other side had continuance after continuance called at the last minute several times, very frustrating. Because the broken crossing light at the crossing where Erica's car was struck, ws not an AMTRAK light, but instead a village light hooked up to AMTRAK timers, we were in a case with both. IT was AMTRAK'S job to check the lights each month, and they did and reported to the township that the light was broken. They reported it once in 11 months of it being out of order. ONCE! On paper, the records show it was written broken, each month. The township did not respond apparently and because of a lousy fuse, not a costly item at all, a fuse, my girl was struck and later died. We were in and out of the court system for 4 years, we did not win our case but were given a slight settlement from AMTRAK. We told the township to fix the crossing, which by the way cut through two college campuses and saw tens of thousands of crossings a day to the many fast food joints. We told them that we would not go away until they fixed it and they did. So some good came from the heartache, no other person will die as Erica did on those tracks in Kalamazoo, Michigan. The whole thing was reconfigured and the five crossings are all safe now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RicknTommysMommaa Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 i just want to be allowed to grieve and heal.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Victoria.....sometimes many of us on this site is at a loss for words.....and words are all we have to share on this site... You must be feeling betrayed by all the earth and heavens....and ....lots of anger.....you have what I call 'rightful anger'...there is a reason we were given the emotion of anger....and one is to use it as a catalyst to 'right a wrong'.... but I am so distressed by the stories from the parents that have to go and move mountains...to seek the justice for their child.... Something for you to think about.....call your son's insurance company and explain what you heard....believe me...that insurance company does not want to pay any damages...and believe me....they have a stable full of lawyers..... After all....that is between the truck driver and the insurance company...... The lawyers at the insurance company can advise you on what you can/cannot do....and what you can look into doing.... Now....if it was an 'accident'.....you may/may not be able to receive anything.....and suing would only cost you the money for a lawyer on your own. Lawyers love to have people come through their front door wanting 'to sue'....that is why the insurance company/lawyers would be a good place to start. hope this helps..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Victoria.....that is a good thing to know about yourself....and that is good that you are thinking of yourself...and your 'self care'..... that is the big reason I had to 'cocoon'....I knew I had to carve out some isolation time....and learn how to 'live' in this new normal....a time to lick my wounds.... I felt shattered and splattered....and I had to learn to pick up the pieces and put them back in some kind of new balance.. I am still picking up pieces.... I know I want to sit some place between Grace and grief...I want to have Grace and Acceptance...not bitter or stoic...or surrender... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2015 Laurie....good to hear your husband is doing well.....am very happy about your dream of your boy...maybe when situations get tense and stressed on this earth home...the veil is more transparent...allowing our loved ones to show their concern and care it was sometime in August...there was a cactus growing in the front yard of a neighbor of my daughter....and there was yellow 'blooms' all over it....very eye catching.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Don't have much time this morning, but need to say I'm at the end of my rope. Just decided Wednesday that we need to close the doors today of our company, a private ambulance service. This leaves 30 people who have become my family out of work. We had it for 15 years. I'm still in a deep fog over Matthew, and now this. I have no income, can't collect unemployment any time in the foreseeable future, until the business end is tied up. I'll lose my home, I'm terrified. I keep looking at Matthew's picture and ask how can everything go so terribly wrong all at once. Its just 6 short weeks since he left us, and another major hit. I'm drowning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Eileen....I own my own business....a small apartment complex.....why do you have to 'close the doors'...?? Is this a new decision...or one that has been on the back burner....?? You can contact the SBA ....they are all over the USA if you need to talk to someone.....and they can (sometimes..depending on the problem)...give you advise on how to keep your business afloat....to weather the bad times....and tools to make it through a rough or down time...or....they can give you ideas on how to offer different services to your already standing business.... Just offering you this....and hope you can find a way to keep it all going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Eileen,I don't know all your circumstances but I understand that overwhelming feeling of drowning. I had a lot thrown at me beginning just weeks after my Trista left. I also had deal with closing the doors to family business and letting employees that I truly cared about go. My husband had a breakdown of sorts and left us often during that time. I also faced the fear of losing my home and was left to care for my two boys on my own. I did have family support but I live almost 2 hours away from my close family. They helped as they could but it didn't stop me from feeling so alone. It was a devastating time and I wasn't sure if I could make it... But I did. We are here for you. My wish is that every grieving parent could just be swooped up and set gently down in a place of healing and light... A beautiful place to rest and just be... with other grieving parents because we are the only ones who truly understand. A place we could stay as long as we needed... Away from attorneys and businesses, and uncaring people and even well-meaning clueless ones... until we felt strong enough to face the world again. If there was a place like that though, I would probably never leave. We do have this place... And I've come to think of it very much like the non physical version of the place I described. Let us be a soft place to land in the midst of it all. We can't stop others or life from adding more and more layers to an already terrible grief but we can come here. We can be heard and understood and others will try to help ease the burden with their words. Sending prayers that everything works out for you and prayers of strength to deal with all these things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Shannon.....the place you were describing....'The Island of Grieving Parents'..comes very close to what this site means to me... if I am having a day when I miss my boy with a kind of pain that goes so deep....and there is no relief....I know there will be parents on this site that understand....and have empathy....for they have those kinds of days, too....they will reach out to me and tell me they have walked in those shoes, too....and then.....I don't feel alone in this.... My Essie use to say...'If there is one...there is some'.....so true.... I have been wondering how you have been handling 'all the circumstances and situations' that have encircled you...and hope that you be given the strength and stamina to make it one day at a time...for really...that is all we really have...today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Shannon----I'm glad that Aiden is doing better. It's a worry when childrenare sick. Victoria----I, too, share your frustration regarding the legalities of your dear son'sdeath. My David was also killed by a truck driver who was a distracted driver....he was distracted by the fact that he was sleeping at the wheel. Trying to getfacts regarding the crash (in 2003) was a nightmare. Many lies & double-talk.I now realize that there are probably facts that we will never know. I understandyour anger and frustration, and crushing grief. I hope that you will first takecare of you.......something that we all sometimes forget to do...especially in theearly times on this rough journey. Peace & comfort. Francesca--mikesmom----I am so sorry that Mike's girlfriend behaved in such aterrible and heartless way surrounding the circumstances of his death. Robbinghim of his posessions was just inexcusable. I wish you peace. Laurie----Glad that your husband is doing a bit better. Sending more prayers forhis recovery. So glad that you had a dream of Jesse. Yes....I agree...sometimesdreams can be quite confusing as to their meaning. I think it is a good idea thatyou keep a dream journal. We, (you and I ), share similarities on this journey....both of us had lost a baby, and then years later lost an adult child. When my Lisadied years ago, .....I had many years to work through the grief.....I still miss her,as I know you miss your baby, and your Jesse. With the loss of my David, I know that at thispoint.....I don't have 40 years to work through the grief of losing my son. AsDee has said......time is so abstract in this rough journey. Dee-----Yes---it would be nice if there were some uniformity in place for schoolclosings. As it is...at least in our area.....whether to have classes, or to closebecause of bad weather is up to the school superintendents to decide, and itends up being a patchwork of closings. It would make it so much easier forparents, if they could know ahead, so that child-care could be arranged withoutlast minute scrambling. Last year.....with so much snow,.....the Catholic schoolthat Becky works at did not call for a closing.....(blizzard conditions outside),while nearly all the public schools were closed. So, Becky went in ( 30 mi. insnow ).......THEN, after a couple hours, the nun who is the superintendentdecided that they should close. ARGghhhhh. Only one more appt. at the dentist...to get the crown on.....shouldn't be too bad. When the bills roll in.....That's whenI'll feel the pain.... Georgina-----I'm sorry that the police are not very helpful about the facts concerningyou dear son's death. I must agree that in our case, the police did their best, butit was in the courts where the leniency toward the truck driver was so evident. I'msure he was relieved to get such light punishment. It was very frustrating for us.I hope that there will be more information forthcoming for you. Peace to you. WISHING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Eileen, I had some of the same concerns for you as the others: is this decision to close the business due to the economy which no matter what the news says, is still pretty iffy, or is this due to your needing to step away from all things that drain your heart and spirit? Either way, I do so hope that you can get the assistance necessary for you to keep your home stable, well as stable as grief can allow it. I hate that you have yet another weight to carry, can you get assistance as Susan has mentioned? I know that my brain was scrambled with all that changed our lives so dealing with details of any sort bothered me very much. I had no patience with that. This must be very trying on you. Sherry, glad that you will just endure one more time with the dentist...fabulous. Yep, the bills are going to hurt for sure but hey, we all have bills for sure. Shannon, indeed we have this place which feels like part of my home...I am here each day with all of you and I am one of you. We have the same address here, we share our home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 Hi Sherry thanks fir you reply to me it really helps. I too lost a baby his name was Peter he was born a year after James. But didn't survive this almost killed me Now James has gone too. I'm really struggling trying hard to get through each day. We are waiting for the inquest. But this won't change anything it will just decide the how, when, where we know in our hearts that we'll never know the truth the driver was definitely careless but we can't prove it. It's slowlly killing me reading all the facts Ita just too much to bear. Love to you all Georgina James mum xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted January 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2015 This is what I saw can you all see it now. I've clipped the picture to make it clearer. Xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Kate...Debbie...Carol....Lora....Wade....thinking of you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 susan--that is perfect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 I fully agree with Gretchen, perfection Susan. As far as the pretty clouds, I see a face but we are all so subject to seeing completely different items within the clouds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Thank you all for your words. The business has been in a state of "hanging on" for one more week for quite some time. This last blow from a new Medicare regulation, was the icing on the cake, taking away our regular dialysis patients which was a steady income. Many other new regs in the past few years created a steady decline. Its just all too much at once, to much change, too much devastation. Its like a black hole just swallowing me up.You'd think after the past few weeks I would be out of tears, but they keep coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Dee, I love that you used the word 'home' because I do feel the same. Like this is a second home. You all welcomed me here and I'm so grateful for that. I'm not sure how I would have survived the past 19 months without you all. Susan, I remember that writing and I agree with Dee and Gretchen. It is perfect. I am doing ok. A day at a time is definitely what I do. With my anxiety and the fact that I've already experienced the loss of my Girl it's easy to let my mind run away with the worst case scenario. There are many things that are beyond my control and I've had to just breathe and be while things unfold and focus only on what I do have control over. I think in some ways all the things I've had to deal with in my early grief have certainly affected my grieving process. It just is. I'm coming to a point I think though that things will start to fall into place for me and the boys. I hope so. I can remember just wanting to get out, get away.... Wondering why people would not just leave me alone. Why they couldn't understand this deep grief. If there had been an Island for grieving parents I'd have been there but this place and all of you helped so much. Eileen, I hope everything works out. I know how daunting it can be closing a business and when you're already so weary from grief. -----------------------------------------I have started my Spring cleaning. I decided to do it the same time I put Christmas away. I want to paint Aiden's room. He's five now so the nursery jungle theme is old news. He wants a Super Mario room. Zak wants to switch rooms. We have a Family room downstairs that has a small kitchenette (sink, fridge, bar, microwave). We are going to make that into Zak's space. He's going to be 16 in February so he's excited about his own space there. He is a musician and with his drum set, keyboard and guitar stand he's outgrown his room. So it makes sense. He also has a lot of friends that tend to end up here on weekends. Four or five boys sleeping in his small room is kind of hilarious. Many times they end up there anyway. I'm kind of excited to do this project with him. Painting and making the space his. For Christmas I got him a Celtic wolf incense burner and a fabric Nirvana poster to go in his new space. He loved them. The last Christmas Tris was here we redid her room as part of her Christmas. Just she and I working sometimes until 3 am trying to get all the painting done before her new stuff arrived. That was such an awesome time for me. I hope Zak and I have just as much fun creating his space. Anyway, as I was organizing I found some more of Trista's writings. She wrote with so much emotion for 17 years old. I think she had real talent. My Zak also writes. Mostly lyrics for his music. I see a lot of talent in him too and encourage him to keep writing. It's a good outlet. From one of Trista's writings... This touched me as I so know the feeling. It was written during a time that Trista's anxiety was pretty intense after the loss of her father and grandfather ..."I want to go back to the days of sandboxes and imaginary friends, of chocolate stains on your favorite shirt and when having ice cream for breakfast made you the happiest kid in town."Of course these memories of her childhood are also mine. I remember her imaginary friends and letting her, on special occasions, have ice cream for breakfast. Im glad these things put that soft glow on her memories. In a place of reflection lately. I miss my Girl. My beautiful, amazing, smart, silly, sweet, thoughtful, compassionate, angsty, mouthy Trista. I just miss her. I hope everyone has a peaceful day and that we all find some comfort today. Also, in the cloud I see a heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Shannon, I do regard this as home. And it is so nice to come here each day to share my heart and have your hearts shared right back. I don't know if I commented last week or earlier about Zak taking his classes at home. I think that you are really helping him deal with grief and anxiety in great ways and to now give him that place where he can mark his identity is wonderful. Good for you and Good for Zak. I bet Aidan will love changing up his room. Any ideas from him as to what he would enjoy color wise and theme?I love what Trista wrote, and I too miss those days when our kids biggest issues were scrapes from a fall or being mad at us for making them go to church. Did you all see the over 100 car pile-up in Kalamazoo yesterday? THat is where Eri and Jon lived, that patch of highway is treacherous, it somehow gets squalls where just yards prior it was bright and sunny. Tricky. Hope for everyone in that mess. My prayers are concentric circles around those who commit violence; that somehow they see that they must end this pattern, end it now! 2000 villagers in Nigeria were slaughtered by the Boko Horum this week, we must make it so that these violators of human rights are taken out of society and not able to act. What must be done to make it so this kind of violence is not even thought of is education, free and good education and opportunity and full bellies and then folks won't live in desperate times thinking of desperate measures. Sorry, my heart is so wrenched by the actions of those who take take take. My soapbox I suppose. Speaking of hearts, yes, thanks Shannon, I do see the heart in the clouds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 A Mumford and Sons song that I love, that is inside me today. https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A0LEVvpZZrFU4SsARI8PxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTBsa3ZzMnBvBHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkAw--?p=ghosts+that+we+knew+youtube+mumford+and+sons+lyrics+i+will+wait&tnr=21&vid=564618F998925DBAA33E564618F998925DBAA33E&l=338&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DUN.608033211930904421%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DQgNZXAtDtBw&sigr=11bfmhf6t&tt=b&tit=Mumford+%26+Sons+%26quot%3BGhosts+That+We+Knew%26quot%3B+Lyrics&sigt=11lqhjufc&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3Dghosts%2Bithat%2Bwe%2Bknew%2Byoutube%2Bmumford%2Band%2Bsons%2Blyrics%2Bi%2Bwill%2Bwait%26ei%3DUTF-8%26hsimp%3Dyhs-001%26hspart%3Dmozilla&sigb=14cp59gda&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 shannon-changing the boys rooms sounds awesome and fun. i also saw hearts in the clouds right off the bat. dee-i saw mumford and sons a couple years ago, i think i posted some pics of us camping--little woodstock. the place i am free from anything but sound, vibration and sight. taking marshall to see jack white on feb. 2nd. i am very selective who i go to see, always see jack when he comes round, always in a small venue. excited to take marshall. did i post this picture of forest's best friend susan and i a couple months ago when we went to see adrian belew? (famed guitarist from king crimson, talking heads, frank zappa, david bowie, nine inch nails and solo career) he played to an audience of about 150 people. waited all my life to hear him play "big electric cat" it was a moment for me!! couldn't find a live video with decent sound but here is the twang bar king playing one of my old favshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_kk8mGqBj8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Eileen....so many are on the same page.....our middle class is struggling with 30 hour work weeks....and business owners are faced with so many new regulations....I am so sorry all this has crippled you....a man in our town....'drives' for people...he works on his own....Nursing homes hire him to drive people to Dr.'s visits...(when a family member can't)...he takes people from the Nursing home for visits on holidays...when people in Brenham have Dr. visits in Houston, Cypress, Katy Texas...he drives them....I met him one time and I was asking about his services...and he told me...'I will drive anyone...anywhere'...of course...he charges for his services.... I do hope you will not have to face losing your home....that is beyond tragic....especially when you are carrying this heavy and dark kind of grief. We are all here to listen to you....and hold your hand....as you notice....we have parents that come here and talk about many subjects....and that is just fine.....for we all know that we each have different circumstances and situations that color and direct our grief.... This kind of grief spreads into every corner like an ink stain....please be mindful of yourself and 'self care'.... Dee....I saw on the news about the 100 car wreck/pile up....so ...so tragic...and the weather is not helping...speed limits are not enforced enough....I can drive 80 miles an hour on some roads in Texas...and people pass me like I am tied to a fence post....you do not have a safe zone to react with those speeds... It is hard to wrap my mind around the national news at times....and keep in balance....I do believe I was made for hometown news....like how many cows Mr. Brown sold at the auction....the church is having a bake sale....the football team won.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Gretchen and Dee....thanks for sharing your songs....am always ready to have new music come into my playing field...years and years ago....married to my 'ex'....there was some very rough times...I called those years 'the years where no new music came in'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 This “place” has meant so much to me …I think of the beginning of this whole grief journey and am so thankful you all reached out, like Susan says there was a “circle of wagons” here…and to those newer here I send gentle wishes for the day…Bob is on the mend…we just have to get through Monday… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 yes Shannon....daughters can be 'mouthy'....and full of 'daughter/Mama angst'.....but think of this....a Mama is the frontline...and I always let Randa argue/debate her reasoning...her 'stand' on things...I was allowed the same privilege...my Dad's rules were....be concise...be specific...keep your manners and respect the other person's viewpoint....even though they may not agree with yours...these differences came about when Randa was starting in her teens...shopping/clothing....make-up...mascara...etc.....she always wanted to dress like she slid off a honky tonk bar stool...so I would allow her to debate her side....many times....we would debate in every corner of the house...she learned she could stand her ground and still have unconditional love...but that is a good trait for a daughter to cut her teeth with... your Trista was an old soul....many do not get that kind of reasoning until they are in their early 40's....love the ice cream for breakfast.....we would have strawberry shortcake suppers sprinkled in the year....and when Daniel would be on business trips...John David insisted on having Corn Dogs for dinner.... I love the idea of re-decorating/painting....your boys will be partners in creativity....especially Zak....I, too, think you are giving Zak the right tools to his grief walk....and some space where he can stretch out and heal.....and use all his musical instruments for his creativity....and have friends over.....he needs those friends so much now....you are wise to have an open door policy. As you know...so many of us have this inner feeling of wanting to just 'go away'....get away....fly the coop....I think when we use our creativity on our homes....we can accomplish the get away feeling with paint...re -arranging..re-purpose our furniture...change things around....and have another view for our eyes. During the holidays....I kept my hands so...so busy....thinking if I did not have down time...I would not slip farther into my dread....I had these pantry doors I took off my kitchen cabinets when I was doing some remodeling in 2010..and came up with this idea....some 'signs'....I order my black and white tile from Wayfair...they have many different sizes of black and white and I need different sizes for things I create.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2015 Laurie...that is great news....that Bob is healing.....but....just be on the look - out....men do not like 'recovery'...and you will have to take 2 patience pills twice a day.....when Daniel was in recovery....he really had a very black kind of mood...but my son, Aaron told me that was normal....the first two weeks....then all leveled off. Once again....we will all wake up Monday morning with you and yours on our minds and in our prayers...also asking Jesse David to watch over his loved ones and give you a special sign to help you march forward. Who will be with you in court ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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