Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Kylie's Mom....yes...you are in a lot of pain now....and many will tell you that is 'normal' for you have just started on your grief journey....grief is so very heavy....and yes...it does feel as if your heart has shattered...for grief is very physical...with that said...we always tell our parents to be very kind and gentle to yourself at this time...we call it 'self care'....it will feel as if you can't breathe....so take time to rest, drink fluids...eat fruit...wrap yourself in a warm blanket...I felt as if my human boat was going down..down..down...for the last time....and many on this site reached out their 'hands' with words of comfort and I felt like I was 'coming up for air'.....

   We all have asked the same ...'WHY'....why my child...why me....over and over like background music...we scream, plead, wail, weep, pray and stumble along in a daze....of unbelief....

   And it is 'ok' to be angry....anger is a normal part of grief....God can take it....go ahead....just be angry. Just don't let the anger turn itself on you.

    I believe...that our children sometimes get so sick...so very sick...and there is simply no magic pill in the medicine bag that can cure them....our children are racked with pain...and there is nothing on this earth that can take away that pain....and our children can be so broken....there is nothing that can make them healthy and whole again.....then they can no longer breathe the oxygen on this human earth.....so they grow wings and fly to their 'after life'....their original home...and there they are made whole and holy again.

  That is just my belief...that is what I believe of my John David...and that is what I hold onto....

God did not take him for anything I have done....He took him because there was nothing left here that He could do for him...

   I have always thought....'the angels do not weep for our children in their heaven's home....they weep for there is nothing they can do to console us'.....in our earth home....

    With that said....I want you to know that I think to lose a 5 year old beautiful little girl like yours would be and is so...so hard...and I have prayed for you....I see that pretty little girl with giggles all over her face....and we hurt with you.

    I hope you have a good support circle around you...with family and friends...if not...I hope you can find a group near you that  you can join...and be with others that has lost a child. This is one of those things in life...that really begs to be with those that have walked in your shoes....for there is simply no lesson or manual that can teach this kind of grief. Peace be with you.

[ericasmom]

Kylie's Mom, everything Susan says here is true and from the heart. Your beautiful Daughter is a huge loss, so so hard to lose one so young, I have also sent prayers. I am sorry that the doctors did not prepare for this possibility for Kylie, how shocking for you all. I am glad that she was in your loving arms when she left, knowing the warmth of her MOmma, the beat of your heart to take with her. Always your Daughter, Always. Keep coming back and share with us, we will always be here for you and for each other.

 

Carol, so nice to see you here. Happy Birthday Chickadee, and how nice that your two Mikes left you hearts for you along your walk. Always watching over you, always with a smile. Love bursting forth, like the love Mike wrote of in his cards to you, a special unending love for you. For all you have been for him.

 

Susan, how is your Texas weather? Are you warming up?

 

I went for a walk this morning, doubled up on my layers and wore my sunglasses as the sun bounces off the snow so well, and it felt delightful to be able to be out for an hour again. The cold we have had makes that not really doable, so this was nice.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee and Carol....more later....

[Mermaid Tears]

Carol....thanks for that 'from a Mama's heart' post.....and thanks for sharing those 'little sacred' treasures....not only do they outshine any card from Hallmark...but the simplicity of a child's heart just comes through....and between the lines and the colors we see those little hands creating .....

   And there you have 'two hearts'....just for you....I have been mystified since I have 'known' you....of the hearts that seem to be placed right on your path....there is no coincidence there....your boys know you need to have those 'signs' that they are still there for you....sweet.

 

Dee...I do hope your little family has safe travels...and they will get to brush off the snow for some sunshine...a winter time vacation....here in South Texas....especially around the coast ..we have 'Snow Birds'....people that come from up north and spend the winters here.....the coastal areas love them to come....for it helps our summer vacation spots have occupancy...Port Aransas is full of them and the 'snow birds' have a great time....I remember when I was about 8 years old and we were at our cabin in Matagorda....and we saw some people in the waves in October....I was shocked...and my Dad said....'they are from up North'....how I admired people that could go in water 'that cold'....(for us South Texans anyway)...

 

How was the play ? We have a beautiful theater in town..Unity Theater..(some wealthy people from Brenham built it for our small town)..it is like a theater in the round....and we so enjoy the plays.

   When did the group get together ? How many of ya'll met ? I think that is evidence of the fellowship we share...also the kindness and respect we hold all with on this site....

 

Gretchen....let us hear....also Debbie....wondering how you are getting along....

 

More later....

[ericasmom]

Oh yes the play...well we went out to dinner, met our friends there, another couple, and we hurried off for the theater after a delicious meal. So we get there and hand the tickets to be shown to our seats and they said, Hmmm, these tickets are for one month from now. We had a good laugh and left and went out for a drink. A lovely night. Fun to get out, we don't do that much in the evening as we are earlier to bed folks than many.

It is cold cold cold again. Going down to subzero windchills that will stay with us for several days, from Canada down to us and east to the Atlantic seaboard. Get the longjohns out folks.

 

Sleep deeply dear ones, perhaps a good dream for someone tonight, a visit.

 

Kate so cool that the sisters won gold and silver yesterday. How adorable they are.

[wgreenlee]

Carol...

 

That's a beautiful picture.  What a soul your Mike was... When I think of Mike I always go to the picture of the big board at Fenway.  Baseball season is around the corner...I hope it's a good one for you.

 

Cherry...

 

Kylie is so beautiful.  I know this is so terribly hard, but I am so glad you are sharing with us.  This will be a long journey...as we have discussed before on here...we are now in a "new normal."  We will all be there for you...to cry...scream...mourn...hopefully laugh as you continue to share your wonderful daughter and your own journey.  I, too, constantly ask God..."Why?" and know that there will probably won't be an answer I can understand.  There are so many passages in the Bible that talk about God's plan for us and how He will be there for us, as well.  I must take comfort, as hard as that is sometimes, that those words are still true, and I may one day find peace in all of this.  I hope you will, too.  I am praying daily for that.

 

God, please comfort Cherry right now, and provide your grace and mercy in her life.  Let her feel Kylie so close and allow her to heal in her way and in her time.  Amen!

 

Laurie...

 

Your dream was right on...  Your comment about his gait and look were so "him."  Amazing!  And you know what I did yesterday when I visited Brooks...I looked under the bush...I just thought maybe... Crazy, I know!  But it didn't need to be there for me to know he had visited you, and I am so thankful for that. Maybe Jesse sent him...and you shared...so we both felt our sons close this weekend.  On my tv stand is one of my most prized possessions, a ball Brooks signed and gave me for his senior baseball day.  It was precious even before his death, and now is even more special.

 

"Dad, it would take the rest of my life to thank you for everything you've done!  I love you so much...Brooks."

 

 

Well, Brooksy, your life was short, but it was plenty long for me to know of your thanks and love.  Never doubted...never forgotten.  I love you, son...Dad

 

Made a birdhouse for Brooks this weekend and worked on Rod's Mustang some more.  Weekends seem so hard lately.  I posted on Facebook that I was going to shut off Brooks' phone and asked everyone if they would send a text or call him just one more time.  I had to shut his phone off right afterwards, because it was already ringing and buzzing.  Didn't think there would be so many so soon.  Couldn't handle it, but I will... Maybe just one a day.  Can't remember who mentioned using Audacity to save the voicemails, but I found a video explaining how.  Thank you...think it was Laurie, Lora, or Susan.

 

 

Dee...

 

Evaluation tomorrow.  No biggie.  Another year down I guess.

 

Love and peace to all...wanted to write more but suddenly find myself thinking too much.  I sure hope Becky is ok.

 

Herd of deer by my school last week...

 

[msmom]

I'm sure many (if not all) of you can relate to this: sometimes/most times I am so overwhelmed at the prospect of just communicating. It is taking all of me to type this now. But I wanted to quickly post a huge THANK YOU to all of you. To those who responded to my post and those who didn't but have to others. Because you are all contributing to helping each other. I so appreciate everyone for being here forming community. I will write more another time. I will share about my son, tell you all about him so he can become known to you like all the angels here. It feels overwhelming just thinking about doing that too.

 

Briefly, his birthday is this Wed ( 23yrs old) and I have no energy to do anything. Too soon after his passing on Dec 20th. We buried him 7 weeks ago today (it's Sunday night as I type). Every time I say or type those words that are so horrific I am in disbelief I am talking about my boy.  My one and only precious child. It is cruel for me to have to be living still after doing that. To have to breath and eat and wake and dress when he can't. When he was sick I didn't think of what I did to care for him as me 'having to do it' but instead thought of it as 'I get to do it'. I have no other children and no grands so nothing to live for. I hear so many so "thank God I had my daughter or son to live for as I wouldn't have made it without that to keep me going". So how am I supposed to keep going? For what? I don't mean how do I make it through each day. How am I ever going to find any real life again when I had the most important part of my life ripped from me? It's not as if he moved or is gone for a bit which feels bad too but I would  know there is an option to have him home, talk on phone, etc. This is too permanent. This is too stabbing to the heart. It's cruel.

 

Thank you all.

 

,

[wgreenlee]

Msmom...

 

I will be praying and thinking of you so much as you approach Wednesday.  I wonder what I will be able to do when Brooks' birthday comes in May.  It is my birthdate as well.  Something very special, but now will make it even harder.  You can only do what "you can do."  You are truly so new to this that I ache for you...as we all ache for you.  I wasn't sure how I was going to make it those first few months, but I did with the help of all here on this site.  Please...please continue to share.  I am making a little Valentine's thing if you would like to share a picture of your son.  I would love to honor him.

[Tbearw58]

To MSMOM 

 

I feel your pain so much I lost my best friend my son Nick on 11/14/2013 and am having a very hard time going on without him but as you can see you are not alone and we are here to help you get through the most horrible time of your life. We care and love you as if we have know you all our lives. Please come here and post all of you r thought and feelings nothing is off limits here we respect all you feel. and no one will judge you for it we only want to hold your hand and help as much as we can. I am new here only 13 weeks since I lost Nick and I seem to be getting a little better but it still is very very painful so stay here and live for your self you need to I know your son would have wanted you to. We are here together always. 

[Tbearw58]

Wade I cant thank you enough you sure can write well and I hope it makes the others feel better thanks for being so positive I know you and I are new to this here. 

[mybeautifulgirl]

Msmon,

I too feel your pain. The sadness, emptiness. I feel also that life is not worth living. Constantly thinking of my beautiful girl.

My tears are always just below the surface. Mondays and Tuesdays are always bad for me. I relive those awful days and I feel bitter that her life was taken this way.

Although I feel such sadness I am reminded constantly ,through news reports and of course here of all the sadness around and how people are suffering in the world.

It is great that we are all here together, a common bond that links us. Knowing we are not alone in our grief.

Peace to all.

Jan

[MissKylie]

Thank you for the prayers and comforting words.  Everyday, i share to my husband and my Mom how i find support thru this site. My husband feels so devastated as he's been working overseas and when he came back, Kylie was diagnosed with cancer. Mom is the one who takes care of Kylie everyday. During Kylie's burial i can hear the pain in her sobs...as Kylie is her first grandchild.

 

We grieve because we want to be with our children more. Parents should not outlive their children. If it's God's plan, I wonder what His plans are that it takes a lot of pain and tears and yet, still not understandable.

 

Few days from now, it's going to be Valentine's day. Kylie loves everything about heart, flowers and love. She's all happiness and sweetness. She gave me a red heart last year with Happy valentines day note in it.

 

Sometimes, I pretend that these are not real. Kylie is not dead. Reality sinks in when I call her name outloud and no one answers, "I'm coming , Mommy!"

 

I admire you all for your courage and kindness. Who would expect you'd experience comfort, warmth and kindness in this. When the people who guides you through this journey are also suffering from loss and pain. Brave hearts!

 

Read your posts on how you get by each day and activities you do. I haven't had the chance to open the boxes of Kylie's stuff as everything is happening so fast while am trying to take things slowly. As i said, I can't believe that Kylie is no longer with us.

 

Tomorrow will be another day... I sometimes wish that may God take my life away so I will be so much happier to be with my daughter. Until such day,  i feel like i don't have the right to be happy.

 

Here's the line from a song that I dedicate for Kylie:

" I can take all the madness the world has to give, but I won't last a day, without you..."

 

Thanks All.

[Mermaid Tears]

MsMom and new ones.........we all agree.....the 'birth' day of your child....the day that angel fell from a cloud and was placed in your arms and heart...is etched across your heart...embedded in memory....will not ever be erased by time....

  and it is  a hard day to face....Dee has said many times that we are so brave...to have lived one day more than our child..

and that we survive...is a testament to our strength....

even though we feel like we are dissolving in a heap of tears...

and we are wiped out by the sheer force of hurt and pain....I will not 'gild the lily' for any parent....this is the hardest journey you will ever step foot on...it is just so darn hard....there is nothing easy with the grief of your child passing....

there is no way to jump over it....walk around it...side step it....you simply have to go through it....

  we all wish there was 'some other way'.....all I can offer you are the words I write...the tools that helped me...and that I walk in the same shoes...on the same dark grief journey....and I can offer 'my hand' to you...and others on this site...as we slump along and grope along...

   I bought every book by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.....and read every word in every book...and re-read some....I 'cocooned' ...I did not accept any invitations to social or community events....I needed to be still....I needed to weep...and I needed the space to break down...I had to allow myself to shatter into a million tiny pieces...to allow the reality to seep in...I was possessive of my grief...it was mine...and I had to learn to console myself...I am such an independent personality...I did not even want a Pastor or counselor to 'talk and tell me' anything...

Then.....one night...I was looking something else up on the internet....and there was this 'site'.....and right there...there were others 'writing' and posting.....the exact feelings and thoughts I was having....they 'knew' just what was going on with me...they were walking in my shoes....I found a circle of kindred spirits....and this site...and the parents on here....have been a balm on my broken heart....it has become a circle of healing for me.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wade, it is good the dream brought comfort to you...it was one of my vivid dreams...thank you for sharing all you do...

 

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Here is a poem that I believe Shannon shared with us at one point...it stuck with me...just substitute he or man for gender

 

An Ugly Pair of Shoes
Author Unknown

 

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

 

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This weekend was rather hard...today is the 10th...I believe that is why...also the realtor called from Arizona yesterday, we are trying to sell our vacation parcel there...it was the last family trip we did with Jesse, June of 2012 for two weeks...too many memories there....now broken dreams...

 

I have found that certain happenings, places, or calendar days are often sources that spike off a grief storm...last night my husband went to Jesse's home which is near by...it is his place of choosing to feel close with Jesse...

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...you asked about our weather....we have had some real Winter Weather...but nothing like your area is getting...it warmed up over the week-end...and Sunday was one of those 'days made in heaven'.....sunshine....no wind....no humidity...crisp...but....today we have cold winds..rain....and about 48....I don't think it will get to freezing in the next few days....just grey dripping skies....

   I am guessing ya'll were out with people that have the same 'sense of humor'.....when you found out the tickets for the play were for next month...and that ya'll had a laugh and then went for drinks....

   well....now you have something to look forward to next month...we have some friends in Brenham that went to the Houston Fat Stock Show and Rodeo....and the same thing...their tickets were for the 'next' night....one of the husbands did not find it amusing...at all.....oh well.....

   I find that my priorities....my conception....my rationale..my view of the world....is becoming very streamlined....it's hard to explain....for I have always been somewhat of a free thinker...and a 'live and let live' kind of personality....but now it is as if a huge erasure came down and started erasing 'items on my life lists'.....

maybe I am learning to come down to the 'lowest common denominator'...like my Dad always told me....or maybe John David's spirit is leading me...for now I see some of the honesty in the way he 'saw' the world....

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...what dream? I guess I missed a post.....

I so relate....it was just so..so...hard to go to Port 'A' ....but I can't turn my back on it for the other children have their hearts and memories there...and now GRANDchildren are making memories there....

   I have been thinking of going to another seaside place....even Matagorda has all the memories of my childhood and parents....

    There is just no place to run and hide....

How is your husband doing ? Daniel got on a 'rambling thought and talk' last night...and all I can do is sit and listen...let him talk himself out....

    Yes...I agree....I mark the 3rd of every month....count the months..weeks...days....

and you have the 10th.....

   the grief journey may not have a map or compass....but it does have those markers....

[ericasmom]

Yes, I agree Susan  and Laurie,

grief is a non-linear event, but those days and numbers that sound the alarms are always there. The first two years I found I counted in days, weeks, months, years and weeks, until year two. Then I kindof went into just 2 years, 2 years and 3 months...It felt like when our Babies were babies, we spoke of their age in months until they were 24 months old and then we went forward with 2 years, 2 years and 4 months...

I like what you said about the simple truths and honesty that you might be able to see now, perhaps the way John David saw things. Yes.  Oh yes, the folks we met in the city are also very laid-back about things like this. We had a nice visit.

 

I am not feeling great today, the virus that so many have seems to be hitting on me. GO AWAY! My throat is a bit rough, a cough comes from nowhere, i am very tired. Oh well, I am among those who have had this going for some time now; my students.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

There is just no place to run and hide....

There are times when I would like to just get away...perhaps it would help...but then the remembrance would follow...

But I am planning a short trip to my sister-in-law, Trudi, again with my daughter at the end of this month...it will be good for my daughter to get away...

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Lora, how is your brother doing? Wondering if you still are going to sell the house...You are in my thoughts today...

Carol, I like the idea of "Mike's Box" the card he made you is precious...those things from our loved ones we keep close to the heart...

MSMom, the birthday will be hard, some people go to the site and set off balloons with messages, I think we had a special floral arrangment made and went out by Jesse's site and just "visited"...we did not have anyone come over as for us it would have been too much...

More later...

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...I hope you can 'head' it off....I had 'something'....finally took an antibiotic for a few days from my Dr. son...and then Zicam...the zinc just helps the immune system....and my Dr. son told me that many are low on zinc....

     In our family we 'debate' certain things....John David had an 'eye and ear' that was pretty straight on about certain subjects...and he could size someone up pretty accurate...out of the mouths of babes...

 

Laurie...there is no place to run and hide...or I would be there...no matter where...the same problems and grief would pack themselves in my suitcase....and be my constant companion...but...I do believe the 'young' do get a boost from seeing something different...and being in another place...their vision enlarges...the perimeter of their lives expand for them to walk outside their comfort zone.....how is she doing? Sleeping better ? Panic attacks lessened ?

    For me and my 'adult children'....I am there to help pick up the pieces of their sad broken hearts...am there to hear them tell a John David story...or share a memory...a dream they had....find a photo they want and remember....copy one of his letters they want for themselves....give them a shirt or jacket...one wanted his key chain...

  and you are there for Christina....and in doing so....you are giving her more than Mama support....you are helping her know that she can weather the storms of life....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Cherry, there is a lot of disbelief in the early days...I have recommended Carol Kearns who is a grief counselor., she was mentored under Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in the modern day hospice movement..Carol has a web site with a lot of grief material on it

 

http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/overview.html

 

She lost her small daughter, Krissie, at age 8 due to a drowning...

 

**********************************************

 

Dee, I hope you do not get too sick...I took Zicam the last time I came down with something and it did work for me...

 

Maybe you can go to the play next month...it is good you were with people who had a sense of humor and didn't worry over the small stuff...

 

************************************************

 

Susan, Christina is doing better for the most part, there are still those up and down days...this weekend being on of the down days...

 

I could not help but notice the temperature you mentioned....48 degrees, wow that would be a heat wave up here..

 

************************************************

 

Wanda, Mary Ann, Debbie, how are you all today?

 

***********************************************

 

Ted, thank you for sharing about Nick...it takes a long time...

 

************************************************

 

Kate, thinking of you and Ross as you  head into the next medical appointments...sending prayers...

 

***************************************************

 

Shannon, how are things there, did you get the snow that people in Indiana got?

 

Sandy, were you able to pick up the sheltie yet?

[wgreenlee]

Laurie...Susan...Dee...Colleen...Kate...Carol

 

You are the "light of the world" in my eyes.  What you say and even more... how you say it...with love and compassion... always brings me closer to the peace I am longing for... Your "promises" that healing is slow, but continual, always gives me hope.  I know that my grief journey is still uphill, but I am continually blessed by the support here on Indigo.

 

Today I found dozens of recordings on Brook's phone of him singing, and even though I am so sad right now, I know those will be so treasured in the months to come.  I constantly pray that all of you find those special memories that make you smile, even for just a moment, because moments now can make those down days so much better.

 

Ted...

 

I am slowly navigating my way like you, but your support...like a brother...eases my pain tonight.  Like you, my tears sometimes just roll down my cheeks when I think of my son.  But that is good...they contain the memories of hundreds of special moments and I would not dry them for anything.  They make me who I am right now, an emotional man mourning the loss of the most priceless, special treasure I was ever given.

 

Cherry...

 

Those two pictures are now saved on my computer, and like the rest of our children, I will keep her close to my heart.  I created a desktop picture of all of our children that greets me each and every day.  It is hard somedays, but yet the journey we are all walking deserves nothing less.

 

Kylie...you are beautiful

 

Msmom...

 

Yes, there is pain and longing, but comfort will always be provided here.  Thinking of you as your son's birthday comes on Wednesday.  I don't remember seeing your son's name, and I apologize if it was mentioned, but I would like to wish him a happy birthday if you would let me know.

 

Shannon...

 

Thinking of you...Thinking of Zak too, because I know how young men want to impress the girls on Valentine's Day.

 

Dee...

 

Love the "non-linear" reference as we are currently working on graphing linear equations.  And being a math person I just did a little figuring about the time you have given us...those before and those now...and it comes out to about 1630 hours if you average only 15 minutes per post.  THAT gives me HOPE that I will be ok.  Thank you, God, for providing me an angel to help guide me on my journey. 

 

Brooksy, your ornament is still shining...49 days now...please keep it going for me...and every day I will look under your bush for that baseball you showed Laurie.  Thank you.

[MissKylie]

Laurie- i love the poem. It describes how we really are in this journey. I'll read it over and over again. I've been posting pictures of Kylie everyday in my facebook. Some of my friends would just say get over it. She's now in heaven. They'll never understand as they're not wearing our pair of shoes.

 

Wade- you lighten up our mood everytime you attempt to comfort. Yes, there's no word that can fill this void of emptiness. Losing our child. I hope our loved ones can feel how much we love them beyond this world.

 

Being part of this support system keeps me sane. It's hard to keep one's sanity specially of a parent who has lost a child.

 

There's no place to just run and hide...Indeed. There are days when I woke up, I forgot that Kylie is already gone. Her laughter and memories are still alive with me. I feel so sorry for myself. As no parent deserves to loose a child. We all have tried to make them live. Kylie...9 months in my womb. 5 years of sweet memories.

 

 

Prayers...my faith in God is failing. I've asked Him to heal my dear Kylie but He didn't answer.

 

Please continue to share your experiences on how you go through this journey. Will walk with you until I'd learn the lessons that needs to be learned.

[mybeautifulgirl]

Hello all,

My sadness is deep tonight, can't get Meagan out of my head. I miss her so.

Tears and more tears !

I want her back!

A good friend gave me this rose in memory of Meagan, called "Close to You"

The other is a picture Meagan constructed .

The other is Meagan pictured in happier times with her sister and myself near Christmas.

This will eventually be framed.

Bless you all.

Jan

[mybeautifulgirl]

Hi all,

Somehow my post went without my photos.

You all here are my guiding light.

Jan

[Tbearw58]

Hello everyone I am here at work like I am every night Saturday - Tuesday nights. I work a single shift alone here in the steam plant for the hospital. We have finally warmed up and the streets are clear of snow. Every night I sit here and have time to think about our children that we have lost and that they are not gone form our lives they are here in spirit and in our hearts. I know we all miss them and our lives are less because   their not here physically . I have started to feel less of the searing pain and have been working on remembering the great times Nick and I had during his life. It will be 13 weeks now on 02/13/2014. We are better people because of them and now we must be better also because it is what they would have wanted us to be. Wade you can say the most amazing things I bet your child was a great person. To everyone I hope you will find your inner comfort and support you need so life can go on for you. If you need to tell me anything I will listen and help comfort you anyway I can.

 

I do miss Nick deeply and will forever, he lets me know its ok every now and then because I see pennies from heaven he places out for me to find.  It may sound crazy but it has been 3 of them since I asked him to do it and they have been were I looked and minutes later there they are. They were not there a minute ago, so think what you might I am  convinced it is really from heaven.  

 

Life will never be fair and we are mortal in this world death is a part of what we are and I know someday I will be able to be with those I have lost. Faith is the only way to make it through this and I believe. 

 

 

Rest in peace my son Nick I miss you and will share a tear for you each and every day of the rest of my life I love you 

Ted your loving dad

[Mermaid Tears]

[MissKylie]

   There's one Sunday afternoon when we invited a pastor to come over our house for Bible study and grief counselling. He said we should be happy because our daughter is now an angel. Kylie is in better place than us who still walk in the face of the earth, trying to be holy and fulfill God's will. While my child has already completed her mission and now in God's loving arms.

 

My husband responded that no matter how sinful Kylie will be, it is better than living our life without her. She's only 5 years old...too young to die and literally a life short-lived.

 

Pastor read the story about Job. To be honest, we're not 100% convinced. Whenever I try to reflect the story in the Bible, it breaks my heart why life should be taken away for the test of faith. I told my Mom and she said if I'm challenging God. Everybody knows we cannot defy God. I just asked Mom if God truly exists. He should know how much we treasure Kylie. And He would also know that loosing Kylie will shatter our faith and hearts into pieces

 

We visited Kylie's place today and cried so much again. Am grateful this site allow us to cry and mourn as much as we can. And to share our grief experience with all honesty. And with people gifted with so much love , who really understand what loss of loved one really means. 

 

All your words here are sincere and I can feel that it's helping me to cope. Thanks to you all.

 

 

 

 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Ted,

I believe in your pennies from heaven. Nick would want you to know he is still close. I have had similar things happen that I just know are Trista's way to let me know. I've read everything I can get my hands on since loosing Trista that deals with loss of a child, grief, and spirituality. My Aunt bought me a book for Christmas. It's a Chicken Soup for the Soul book called 101 Messages From Heaven. I've read many like this but never tire of the stories about the ways people have been touched by a loved one.

Susan,

Thank you for the picture messages you shared today. There is a truth in each. I've saved them to my computer. I keep a folder for things like that so I can go back to them.

Jan,

Thank you for sharing your pictures. By Meagan's smile I can see what a happy time that was for her. The rose is beautiful. I was given a rose bush in remembrance of Trista. I started a garden for her and on her Birthday her friends and family all brought things to add to her garden. I think it will be nice to have those framed. I understand just wanting them back. I feel the same.

Cherry,

I understand the struggles with faith. Many of us go through that. I question everything. The why's and how's are such a part of this journey. I'm thinking of you and your beautiful Kylie. I've added you to my prayers along with everyone here. This place has been a lifeline for me and I hope coming here and sharing your journey and your amazing little Girl with us will do the same for you.

Wade,

Wow! Brooks light is still shining just like it does in your heart and now the hearts of all of us who have been blessed to know his amazing Spirit through you. Thank you for asking about Zak and I. I am just going through a 'time' right now. Working on Trista's Memorial stone has been hard. It's something I want very much to do and make perfect for her but I have to do it a little at a time. Zak is good. I wanted to thank you for offering your help to him. He is doing better. The thing with Zak is he knows the material. His ADD causes him to have problems with work outside the classroom. Even when he completes it he rarely turns it in. The problem lies in getting things from school to home and back again. His teachers have all said that if he were graded on tests and classroom work alone he would have all A's. We are working on the organization issues and he is doing better. I am trying to be more aware of what's going on with him. He's such a go with the flow kid, I don't want him to get lost when no one is looking. I haven't been as on top of things as I should be.

Laurie,

We have quite a bit of snow. Not as much as some places though. Our temps have dropped again and it's below zero with the wind chill. It's been a long, cold, lonely winter. Just wish we would be able to say Here Comes The Sun. Thank you for sharing that you hit a really dark place around 8 months. I know it's one step forward and two steps back sometimes. I'm glad you shared Carol Kearns website again. When you shared it soon after I came here it helped a lot to read her writings. I appreciate so much all you share with us that you find in your searching.

Dee,

I'm one of those that has been battling this 'cold' all winter it seems. I've had this cough since the New Year. It comes and goes. I hope you are able to fight it off and feel better soon. I'm still in the place of counting days, weeks, months. Saturdays are still very hard.

MsMom,

I also don't see if you posted your Son's name but please know I'm thinking of you as you approach his birthday tomorrow. I know this will be a hard day. Trista's birthday came just 20 days after her accident. My thoughts will be with you. What everyone has posted is so true and from the heart. This is a terribly painful journey but we are here.

The other night I was working on Trista's stone. I want to do a photo collage similar to what Lora did on Cara's stone. I know Trista has a lot of pictures on her laptop I haven't seen. She had broken her charger a couple of weeks before her accident. She had gone shopping that day. She bought a swimsuit for a trip she was supposed to take with friends to the zoo and waterpark the next day. She had also bought a charger. The bag was removed from Ashley's car and brought to me. I hadn't opened it. It has sat in the closet for 8.5 months. I decided to get the charger out to see the pictures on her laptop. When I opened the bag, it was full of broken glass from the accident. My heart just dropped. The other thing I saw was a bag of beef jerky. I was so shaken by the glass I closed up the bag and put it back in the closet. The beef jerky stayed in my mind. Trista loved beef jerky but was a vegetarian.I was able to talk to my niece who had been with Trista that day. I asked about it and she said it was the funniest thing. Tris bought the beef jerky that day and they gave her a hard time because of her vegetarianism. She said she had saved a lot of animals over the years but life is short and she just wanted some beef jerky. Later, I decided to get out Trista's beads. She worked with beads a lot especially when she was anxious. It was calming for her. Everyone close to her has a 'Trista bracelet'. I even found one made for Aiden with his name in her jewelry box. I put it up for him to have when he gets older. Anyway, I wanted to make a bracelet for Trista just like she had done for everyone. One I will wear with her name. I dumped the beads out to find the right ones and there, in the bag of beads, was a big piece of beef jerky.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....your Trista...was so 'Trista'....loved the beef jerky story.....oh yes....the many faces and colors and expressions and mind sets of the young.....they can change their minds like the wind blows....it is just them getting a foot hold on their world and the world at large.....I remember my daughter and her every changing ways of 'making up her mind'....one day she would be 'one way' and the next day 'another way'......and the wonder of me thinking...'what will she think of today'.....

  it sounds as if she decided to be a vegetarian...but the craving for beef jerky would just get the better of her sometimes...so funny...and now...it brings you a sacred smile....you and Trista were so connected in mind, body and spirit...as it should be between a parent and child.

 

Lora....I hope you are ok....and not getting too worn out shoveling snow....is your brother still on the mend in a positive way...and I hope you don't have to do too much to get your house sold...if that is what you have decided to do....when we moved to Brenham....I downsized....but we had hugical homes because we had 6 kids....it was hard for me to decide what furniture to keep...and what to give away...John David told me to look on the bright side...that I would never have to go furniture shopping again...I didn't have room for anything new. I just kept the 'family furniture' that Daniel and I inherited...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Susan,

Yes, Trista had a mind all her own from day one. The beef jerky really did help me to smile. I can just hear her telling her friends that day that if she wanted beef jerky she would have beef jerky. She had a little catch phrase, "Whatever, whatever. I do what I want." She always said it in a sweet little singsong voice so she came across sounding cute and funny and not snotty but the meaning was there. She did what she wanted. She was 'perfectly Trista'... no other explanation required.

I found this picture of her on her phone. I love it. My beautiful Girl.

I found this blog today and thought I would share it. I've just gotten the chance to read a little but it is for bereaved parents and addresses so many different things from pages specifically for Dads to loss of an only child. I thought there might be some good things for all of us there.

http://journeysthrugrief.wordpress.com/latest-posts/

[Mermaid Tears]

Ted and Wade....the love you have for your SONshine boys comes through in bright colors....although I know your color now is grey....I think I have been in a cycle of 'remembering John David when he was a little boy'.....instead of the grown man when he left this human earth....

  I think that must be the human way of surviving...for if all the memories came at once....we would be destroyed..by our own mind....our own device....

  and I seem to have this certain way of remembering....for I will 'see' something...'hear' a song....a certain smell....and it opens a portal in my memory....that was tucked way way back...

[Mermaid Tears]

Jan...I so thank you for sharing 'your girl' with us....I see some happy smiles...and some 'happy hats'....

and your grief is as deep as the love for your girl...that is the way I see my grief...my grief is in balance for the love of my John David....

   Please keep coming back and sharing with us....we know how you hurt...and we walk in your shoes...

it is so darn hard...

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....I promise you this....when I see Beef Jerky....I will always remember your Trista....she has certainly put a new spin on it...

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade...I have a 'K'Zillion' photos....

this is Jeremy....he and Brooks do favor each other....will find his baseball photos...'one day'...

 

 

Jeremy loves kitties, too

[daveydow1]

YIKES !   Am I ever behind on BI    but will post anyhow.

 

Kyliesmom-----So very sorry for your loss of your sweet little daughter.  She is

a beautiful child.  Please come back to this site....everyone understands. Peace to you.

 

Ted------I so understand about the 'pennies from heaven', and I think that Nick has a

hand in putting them where you will find them.  Our angels surely have their ways

of letting us know that they are near.....and not far far away.

 

 

Dee-----

Yes.....more snow, ice and zero temps.  This Feb. seems so very long, and it is

the shortest month of the year.  On the bright side,.....the snow is pretty to look

in nature....clinging to all the trees and shrubs.  Many birds at the feeders again.

I hope the hawk goes elsewhere for his raid.

 

Shannon----thanks for the cute pic of Trista.  She had an endearing independent

way about her, and as you say......it was cute.  Love the phrase...."whatever, whatever,

I do what I want".   Such a cute little teenager.   Peace to you.

 

I'm sorry for new parents coming to this site, and for their loss of a child.  Thoughts & prayers for all.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry   

[Sholl1955]

Hello all,

Hope everyone continues to survive the "Deep Freeze.  We had snow over the weekend and below temps the last two nights.  It was 13 below when I went to work this morning and the forecast is to be 17 below 0 tonight.    The weather guy said we will break another record.  Guess we are having our own winter Olympics.    I was trying to look at the forecast and decided that I would take off work tomorrow so we can go get Hope since there is snow forcasted again for the weekend.  I was doing this on Monday and no snow was due until after Wednesday.   So, I called the lady that had her to work it out so we could pick her up Wed.   Only to find out she had given her to a couple she knew that wanted her, and never called us .    I was not happy.   My hubby had been so depressed this weekend, so I told him about her, showed him pictures  of her and he smiled for the first time in a long time.  He was looking forward to getting her.  But I had to tell him last evening that we weren't getting her.   He isn't doing well today.        I guess it wasn't to be, but I get so frustrated with people sometime.   We will get a dog for him but I am thinking it won't be a service dog like he is used to.    Oh well.   Everyone stay warm and I wish for a restful night for all.    Sandy.

[SamDsmom]

Hello everyone,

I have been under the weather and have not kept up. I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. I am so sorry that I as I see there are new people here. I intend to catch up on my reading. It helps to reach outside myself. Just feel like I need to stay connected.

Kylie's mom,

I am so sorry about your precious angel. I understand your feelings about what your pastor said to you. I have had the same experiences. I have been read the story of Job, I have been told that I should find comfort in the fact that Sam is in heaven and I will see him again. I have questioned my beliefs and then felt guilty and scared for my doubts and anger. have spent sleepless nights so missing my son then to have the grief and despair compounded by guilt and fear. I don't have any answers and after almost 5 months i still struggle, but i can so identify with what you shared.

I have some things I want to share, news about police reports, death certificates and attorneys but I really don't have the energy.

I think I'll just go back and try to catch up. I see new pictures and something about a beautiful young lady and some beef jerky.

Debbie

[ericasmom]

Sandy, the weather for your area is more severe than here in Chicago, you have had more snow and some of your daily temps are lower than ours though I think the nights are the same. Today we got to a high of 9 degrees---whoo-hoo! Tomorrow however, we are to get to 23 which sounds just perfect to my ears. Recess and everything. Lovely. So maybe we won't have anymore subzero cold, I hope not anyhow. Twenties and thirties are good. More snow? I don't mind as long as we can get out in it.

I am so sad about the dog though, she should have called you to let you know the dog was going to another family, how sad. But perhaps the perfect dog is just around the corner. Fingers crossed. You are a tough cookie Sandy. I hope your husband can feel better about things soon.

 

Nick, like Shannon, I too believe in your pennies from heaven. I find pennies at times too, and the first thing I do is try to read the date on them, because the ones that hold my Daughter's year are extra special, but all of them offer me a smile and a little message from Erica.

 

Susan, I agree that Jeremy does resemble Brooks. How sweet, how handsome those two are.

 

Wade, it is funny but so many poems I have written in the last years involve math and I was the girl who could never pass a math class. Now I see the connection of math to so much. I always challenge my kids starting the first day of the year to find one thing that does not have anything to do with math. They try, but each thing that they name has math and I quickly list all the math that is involved. By mid year they do it to each other.

 

Shannon,"whatever whatever" I love that little quip of Trista's. You know her through and through. I do think that she takes delight in this.  Love the photo. My cold is like the others in the school building but I would like to make sure that it does not get worse. Many kids are coughing like crazy, that deep chest cough, their eyes are red rimmed from the strain of the cold on their little systems. Fingers crossed that I can get through it without the extra-icky-parts. I feel much better today than yesterday.

 

Sherry, it does look pretty yes, though I know many are very tired of it, especially if they feel housebound. Our feeders are emptying each day too, a joy to see the junco's and the many variety of sparrow alongside the cardinals and on the ground, the bunnies and squirrels eating up the seed that spills out. The deer prints prove that those deer are hungry and coming 3.5 blocks out of the woods to see what is around our homes.

 

Sleep well All, dream sweetly.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sandy, I know my sister in law has had many shelties for over 20 years…they are an intelligent breed and I think any sheltie of good breeding will do for an excellent companion dog…

 

Sherry, I hope you are not buried in snow like we are here in northern Wisconsin…it will be good  not to have to fight the ice and cold…thanks for your posts, they always brighten my day…

 

Shannon, such gifts our loved ones leave behind…you know the story of my wristband…I think the beads were meant to be found…now beads of love…

 

Susan, thanks for sharing the pictures of Jeremy…I too have cycled through various stages of Jesse life…sometimes in my memory during the day and sometimes in my dreams…last night was a hard night of dreams…

 

Cherry, I have a lot to say about scripture…it would take a while to explain…the short version is that even though I was more “fundamental” in my belief system before, things happened that could not be explained…I have now moved more towards a spiritual approach…I know what happened to Jesse and I…these experiences did not fit into the small box of what I was taught…I would remind those who read Job of chapter 3, also of Jacob (renamed Isreal) that if Joseph had not been found Jacob would have gone to his death mourning…and early on in my mourning I focused on this verse “Jesus wept”…and was moved deeply in his soul at his friend’s passing….it is okay to grieve...your journey is your own...

 

Jan, that is such a beautiful picture your daughter Meagan made…those are treasures for the heart…

 

Wade, your love for your son is so evident in the posts you have…for some reason I believe we were all meant to find each other here…to be comforted….and that our children now in spirit form all know our hearts and wait for us there…

 

Debbie,share when you can...

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful night...I think of everyone here and ask the Chief Shepherd of our souls to hold us tight…

 

 

[SamDsmom]

I took a few days off at "home". I went through some more things. I had forgotten about Sam's staff choice award. It so says what my baby was about. I still have not been able to get a lot of things out of my storage down in Georgia. Maybe that's a good thing for now.

[ericasmom]

Debbie, good to see you though sorry that you are not feeling well.

Listen, to you and Kylie's Mom and all the Newbies here, and not so Newbie too, please don't feel guilty for what others say to you about grief. The pastor and priests can say what they will but it does not mean you are doing wrong by grieving. It also is quite normal to question your faith when you lose a child, and it is okay to fully feel betrayed.

I will say my belief is this; God did not take our Kids away, God instead, provides a place for us all when we need to leave this earthly place. It is not God's job to keep us alive here, but his/her promise to a place beyond here.

Now these are just my thoughts and beliefs, nobody should try to undermine your beliefs nor the way you may question faith  at this raw time in your lives. More than likely you will return to your faith or belief system with some new additional thoughts but that is fine. We change, we are changed by this loss, nobody that loses a Child should feel guilty for how others expect us to behave.

I do believe that you can gently let folks know that grief takes time and because we need to grieve does not mean we don't believe. And for some, that don't believe in God - that is perfectly fine as well. Nobody has the right to judge us by our belief systems, and if they need to judge us then we don't really need to be around them. We need to grieve. No matter the culture or religion, grief is real and it is with us in each step adn breath. This is a long process.

Get some rest.

[MissKylie]

Dear All, thanks for your comforting words and compassion. It's really hard to walk on this journey alone. Am glad i've found this place to grieve , where people will not judge and it's okay to feel hatred and pain altogether.

 

A week before Kylie died, she draw this and I posted it on the wall. It breaks my heart. I'm thinking if she needs me up there.

[wgreenlee]

Cherry...Debbie...all my friends here...

 

I know it is hard to keep your faith.  I have always been strong in my faith...at one time almost entered the priesthood...but I also question daily God's "plan." I often tell my students that life is not fair, and never did I think it would actually be so prophetic.  Ever since Brooks was young I thought God had a plan for him...just little things that occurred and how he interacted with others.  He once entered a kind of game show of Bible passages when he was only about ten and almost won.  And this was against much older kids.  He had an amazing memory, but more so, really felt the verses.  That's what he said once.  He said it just wasn't hard to remember them.  Was that part of God's plan?  When Brooks was going through a Salvation Army rehab program a couple of years ago, he walked away during the first month.  He and another young man had gotten into a little trouble and decided it wasn't worth it.  Just a little thing, but Brooks thought he would be kicked out...which turned out wasn't true.  He was devastated.  It was a Wednesday evening when they always do chapel and I went every time.  When I got there they said Brooks had walked away.  I went searching for him and found him about 15 minutes later in downtown Reno.  What were the chances of that happening?  We talked and he wanted to go back, but said it wasn't allowed.  I told him to let God make that decision.  I brought him and his friend back and the service was still going on.  When we entered the Chapel everyone turned toward us, and all the men...mostly older guys... all stood up and came over and hugged each of us...right during the service.  During prayer time we went up and knelt at the alter and prayed to God that Brooks and his "friend" would be allowed back in.  Brooks would have faced some jail time if he quit the program.  At the end of the service the Chaplain and Major, with the other counselors, met with us.  They said that they had never made this decision before, but would allow Brooks and his friend back in with some stipulations.  They were reluctant because this was a line they didn't want to cross, but they said the counselors had told them how Brooks was already such a good influence, and even the older guys responded to him.  Brooks was in that program for over six months and he came out clean and a better man.  When someone "graduates" many of the older graduated guys come back to honor the new graduate.  There were many who came that day to honor Brooks.  The Chaplain said that the decision to keep Brooks was one of the best he made and Brooks would be gladly accepted as an intern counselor if he didn't have any other plans.  They try to give the graduates something constructive to do to stop relapses on the outside.  Brooks wanted to go back to school and work on his music, which the Chaplain was ok with.  Many of his other troubled friends have since told me how Brooks helped them in their recoveries, as well.  Things I never knew, because Brooks always tried to keep their confidences.  I have learned that Brooks stayed overnight with them many times when they were "down."  He gave them rides to meetings...and gave them money for gas and groceries...money I gave him and always wondered why he went through it so fast.  Sometimes we had little arguments about that, because I thought maybe he might be using again.  I just never knew, because that was Brooksy.

 

Anyway...maybe that was what God had planned for Brooks...maybe these were the "acts" he was supposed to do in this life and then God rewarded him with another year of the best in his life before taking him home...new family...new sobriety...new friendships...  It's so hard right now to think that God would take him away after that, but I know I must constantly try to take comfort in the memories I have been given, or else I think I would truly lose myself.  I "know" God took him too early and it's not fair, but yet what do I know right now other than grief.  God knows I am grieving and I know He understands, even though I am angry and questioning.

 

Questioning God is natural.  The Bible is full of the greatest prophets and apostles questioning God.  Sometimes God answered them, and sometimes he did not.  We are no different.  I am angry with God, but I still pray to Him daily for my family...friends...for you.

 

I guess what I am trying to say...not very well...is that we can never lose hope as hard as it may be right now.  Our lives are all changed from losing our most prized possession, but hope is endless if we choose to believe.  I...for myself only...choose to have faith that somehow...some way...there will be meaning and peace for me in this journey.  I look for my child everywhere...all day...every day...that is what we do when we lose something so precious.  I cry...scream to God...ask Him "why"...try to convince God to give me another chance...because I think if I had enough faith He could still fix this.  So irrational...but I want my boy back so much.  But at the end of each day I still thank Him for what He has given me...all of you...without whom I would be more of a mess than I am.

 

Thank you God for my compassionate and loving friends that you have guided my way.  Only you know how much I need them.  Only you could have provided this saving grace for me.  Please be with each and every one of them.  Hold them close...carry them through this journey no matter how long it may be.  Let all of us help each other to grieve together...to make sense of all of this.  Let those who have more wisdom guide the rest of us through these early days of grief.  In your power and glory...Amen!

 

Thank you for always listening...for your comfort amidst your pain...for being who you are and sharing your "most prized possession" with me to help in my own grief journey.

 

[wgreenlee]

One of my ex-students visited me today.  Her sister, Tiffani, is the one who has a brain tumor and I had asked everyone to pray for her a little while back.  Tiffani and Brooks were a little item for a while and remained very good friends through school and afterwards.  So much time spent up at Lake Tahoe and parties and stuff.  Her family has been so good to us these last five months.  Bailey and I talked a little today, and she just needed some comfort.  Now, I know why.  This was posted on Tiffani's Facebook page tonight.

 

Friends and family...... As for a medical update my tumor has returned and is greater in size and location remains inoperatable. I have been given two months. In the mean time we are praying for a miracle. 

this is a very difficult time. So please be respectful for the privacy of my family and I. We will do our best to respond to messages etc. However time, is very valued and of the essence we will be making the most of spending each moment together. Thank you all for the continuous prayers. I can't but we can  I will never quit.

 

Please pray for Tiffani and her family.  I am so heartbroken now...so tired of death...I have prayed so hard for a miracle in her life.  I am trying hard to heed my own words, but I am "tired."  I am bringing them rotisserie chicken tomorrow.  Bailey said it is Tiffani's favorite.  But I am lost again.  What do I say?  I know I need to be strong.  

 

God, I have faith...please please bless her...spare her.  Brooks doesn't need her...I know he wants her to stay.  Do whatever you need to do...help her.

[Tbearw58]

Wade I will be praying with every thing I have for a miracle.

 

I went to a compassionate friends meeting tonight and found out one of my sons good friends mother last week her sister was murdered. They were at the meeting and in very much pain. I too am tired of death and need to have it stop so I can take a breath please.   

[Guest]

.

[Mermaid Tears]

From Lora....I would give my soul to the devil for Cara to of had another chance,   I am tired from everything.

 

Lora...it seems as if this grief journey has taken its toll on every parent....and I am sure...many of us will nod our heads in agreement with your words...

     I am guessing that your brother has no policy where he worked for 'medical leave'.....and when the lawyers get 'in it'...it never seems to travel on a straight line...I do feel for you and him...and dealing with insurance and the red tape....keep up with your exercises...if there is a 'magic pill' out there...it would be 'exercise'....no matter what....motion is one thing that the body needs...and the mind. It is the one thing that is a Win/Win.....

 

 

Sandy....I have 2 'mutts'.....and Lora mentioned a Rescue Animal Shelter....sometimes an older dog...many are housebroke...makes the ideal companion...they are more settled down...just a thought....I will always have a dog...and when my 'two' here are gone....I will go to a Rescue Shelter....

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....your feet have been put on an unexplained and uninvited path.....

and we hear you....

It seems as if those who are filled with the most compassion and empathy...are the ones that are handed more than their share of encounters with sad and sorrow filled experiences and situations....

   Many will relate with you on this.....

It seems as if when we lost our child...then we sit in a room that has 20 doors...and they open with other people and issues...

and we get to be the chosen one to deal with it all....

   We never get an answer....

We just know we have to deal with it....head on...or head down...

   Prayers for the family ...and prayers for you

You are strong enough for this...

[SamDsmom]

I just wanted to tell Msmom I am thinking of her and her wonderful son.

Wade, I agree with Susan, I believe that Brooks had a calling at the homeless shelter. I see how you have helped all of us here so much.you are in my prayers.

Lora, I think of you and Cara often.I can so identify with tired.

I wish I could respond to everyone individually. Unfortunately I am dealing with so much crap I feel like Sam died all over again. Attorneys, insurance, police, city etc...

I don't know how to get through out

[Mermaid Tears]

Debbie...don't worry about responding to all on this site...many agree we just gather here for the hands that reach out to lift us up...and to hear how you are doing....

  Many on this site have had to deal with all 'the lawyers..red tape..insurance'....mess.....

so if you have a question...there just could be one or many that have had to work their way through...and can give you some good advice....am glad you are getting some days off the road...love those pictures of your boy....and that award is simply testament to his persona.....but many of us already knew that about your SONshine boy....