Members Jeff's Mom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 I have to say that reading Wade's post has brought me to my knees today. Thanks Laurie for posting that beautiful song. This is our National Mental Health month. The talk shows on the radio and Tv are devoted to discussing the very serious issues surrounding this topic. I have asked Lora to post a song. It is an old one. Simply worded but o the point. I believe it relates to what we are feeling here today. This song is dedicated to those kids that are suffering in silence from depression, abuse, bullying, ridicule, addictions that appears hopeless... etc. The words say it all. Holding you all close today as always. Love to all, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Tam,I am so glad that you came here to tell it's about your son. I lost my Sam 4 months ago to a train accident. Please tell us about your son. This is a place of wonderful support that is seldom found outside this site. Wade thinking of you this morning. I have no words except know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Right On Kate, this morning on the way to work was a story on public radio about a boy who all his life was bullied, especially while in JR. High and then in Freshman year, he was a special needs Kiddo, he was treated so poorly, kids dumped food on his lap in the cafeteria that last day he was here, they found him in the bathroom crying and pulled his pants down, further humiliating this poor kid. He called his Dad and said, " I love you dad" and then hung himself. How dare others take away the chance of happy in a life??? As teachers, we constantly see that our schools fall way short in teaching this prevention and many parents do not teach about why they cannot bully. Kate this plays on your tender heart. Hang on. Wade, please let us know how you are, how this student's friends are doing? Did your school put into place a system to help the kids cope? When Eri was 15 she was in a boy's house when two boys decided to play russian roulette, one boy died, she saw. It was horrid. Counselors were at the school, Eri refused to talk much, though her friend that was with her there, talked a lot. Everyone so different in their grief. Deep hope to All. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 The angels weep.....not for those in their heavenly home...but for those of us on this earth that they can't console... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 INdeed Susan, because we are without means to change this, only the wish that we could. We know what that family must go through now, and we know too, what Wade is going to struggle with. When our hearts are shattered we are traumatized, when shatter after shatter occurs, we find PTSD hard to avoid. HOPE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Tam, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling all of your family is changed from this sadness. Yes, the first year of firsts are over, the many folks who no longer say our Baby's name, and we love to hear that name, we never tire of it. I have had to tell folks to say the name of my Daughter, I say it daily in some way, in addition to talking to ERica directly. My students speak of her and ask questions about her because that is how I frame my life, I teach third grade and when Eri was killed over 10 years ago, I told my students and tell them each year that I have two kids, Jon and Eri. One died, ERica died. But I will always love her and she will always be my Daughter. I speak about her and we have a fund here at the school where I work, which is where she and my Son attended as little ones. I see you are in Illinois. I am just outside of Chicago. Where are you? dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 I was thinking of you, Dee....the 'after' it all....the trauma of your childhood...and then losing your Eri...thankfully you found a 'friend in your counselor' to pull and push you along....I was thinking of Wade and how shattered he must feel with the loss of Brooks and his other family members...and now this....he, too, may need some help with the trauma going on around him.... Kate....am thinking of you....knowing that hearing this can only create a downward spiral for you... Now when I hear about a 'child' passing....I do think of the dark days ahead for that family... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Yes Susan, the after it all factor. 3.5 weeks after ERi died, my cousin Lela died. She was in her mid-fifties. We grew up in the same two-flat in Chicago. Her kids are wonderful people that when they were little, I babysat for. They are all in their 40,s now and they dearly miss their momma.A year after ERi my friend Mark died, suddenly from heart issues. THen that same year, a man I have known for along time, died from a heart attack. A friend had breast cancer, later died, another old acqaintance died when a train hit her on her bike, she raised her kids here near us, she also taught in this same district...Then my first husband, dad of my kids, got sick with cancer, he died 1.5 years later...prior to his dying a young girl from this town, who also played in the same circles of Jon and Eri, drown in Alaska... it went on like this. I just felt so very worried all of the time. I began having trouble keeping the replay of bad events and sleep was interrupted more and more. Finally I realized that this was PTSD and started back up with my therapist and described to her what I was doing...she said sounds like PTSD. It helped me to know that I could find some new tools to deal with this, and I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Had not been able to be here for a while .... went to NC to visit with my oldest son and daughter in law. He is in the military, and had to go to Louisiana for his training before he leaves for Afghanistan. He was supposed to be home last Monday, but as of today was still in Louisiana ..that southern storm really messed things up for travel. I was very sad that I didn't get to spend any time with him, but I did enjoy the time with my daughter in law, and shopping for our future grandson. John is supposed to be back home in NC tomorrow (fingers crossed) .. hoping he is home, because tomorrow is Geoff's birthday. I want him to be able to at least be with his wife. We put a memorium in the newspaper this week. We've had so many people contact us this week, that want to do something special for Geoffs "special" day. It makes me feel so good inside to know that people still care, and they still miss him. I had a dream while I was in NC that Geoffrey was alive (only third dream I've had with him in it), and then I woke up and realized that the dream was just that, a dream, I am still living the nightmare of his loss. We will be going to a funeral tomorrow for a girl that my oldest son went to school with ..she took her own life last weekend. She had lost a sister to suicide three years ago .. and her parents are going through it again... I can't even imagine the pain they are going through yet again. My heart goes out to them right now, and I ask you all to say an extra prayer for them.Thanks,Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Lora, thank you so much for posting the songs. While they are fairly dated... they still speak to the heart. Dee and Susan, thanks for your kind words. Karen, thinking of you as Geoff's special day is close at hand. Prayers for the family tomorrow. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Lora, Thank you for the songs. It is very hard for me to listen to them but I have noticed lately that the tears bring relief.What I wanted to comment on is that it amazes me the level of true empathy that is shared here. In the outside world there is a short period of time where everyone wants to offer well meaning sympathy. Several years back a friend of Sam's committed suicide. He got drunk and took his father's shot gun and killed himself in his truck. I remember going to the funeral and feeling so bad for his parents. I offered my condolences, sent a few cards, talked to my son about it, but I wasn't close to the family and life went on. When we got back to town after Sam's accident, the first person I ran into (accidentally) was Jay's mother. I saw her completely differently. It has been 5 years but tears streamed down her cheeks when she saw me. Or lives have changed. I get that now. Not just missing our children, but our while beings. The filters through which we see ourselves and others.I haven't just thought of Wade and everyone else today, but my heart hurts for you all. I can't really explain it but I'm sure I don't have to. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Karen...it makes my heart smile that the people around you are circling the wagons for you and your SONshine boy...for his 'birth' day....to remember when that angel slipped off a cloud and was placed in your arms and heart...and hope travel goes without complications for your oldest son to join his wife.... My son is an Emergency Trauma Surgeon in the Navy.....he left for Afghanistan a month after John David passed...he told me that is where he is needed...and he wanted to go...for his gift is in his hands. He said when those soldiers are blown apart from the bombs...and they bring them to him...he can work his gift so they can live. My heart was in my throat the whole time he was there. He also went to Iraq.... Yes...you will be attending a very sad funeral...I cannot imagine the horrendous pain that family is feeling...I cannot wrap my mind around it...it is beyond sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted January 31, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Wade, I read your post last night. I just had no words. I wish I had. Just please know that I sent so much love and prayers straight to you. I asked Our Loving Creator to hold your heart close and prayed for all the Angels to surround you with love. Please know that you and the family of this Child will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Hold on, my friend. We are here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 I began working on my son Nicks motorcycle its a 2000 Honda CR250 and it needs a complete rebuild. This is something i did to make him happy when he was alive. I loved repairing his toys to make him happy it made me happy doing that. Now I wont be able to ride in real life with him only in spirit. So in my shop I cry alot now days because it is full of happy things Nick and I did together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Ted, embrace those special memories. I know that right now it is very painful to see through those tears, With time and patience one day those memories will bring a warm smile as you recall the special memories that only you and Nick shared. Today I find that I can smile through the tears and often laugh as I recall Jeff's antics. Good looking bike! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2014 Tam-----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son. While no one ever wants to beon a site such as this one, ...I'm glad that you have found it. It's so dreadfullyhard to try to keep one's balance after such a devastating loss....for sure. I remember people telling me that it would be small steps, and I wanted to tellthem "No, ...I want to take big steps". This was my foolish and futile fantasy of trying toescape the pain, but I soon found out that they were right......small steps iswhat we take. I guess that we must walk through the pain for however longit takes, and not try taking some imagined shortcut around it. Please keep coming toBI (formerly called Beyond Indigo). Everyone understands. Peace to you. Susan----Thanks. Yep---I agree...winter scenes are nice to look at, but not much funwhen it comes to driving, and other complications such as frozen pipes etc. Debbie-----I, too, think that little children can say things that can comfort ussomehow. There innocence and honesty is something to behold. May yourthoughts & memories of your dear son, Sam, warm your heart & soul. Dee-----We are to get more snow later tonight, I've heard. However....it is to warm up a bit.I hope that some of the ice everywhere can melt. Oh, I think it's good for you to talk openlyabout ERi to your students. It teaches them that it's ok to talk about someone who is loveddearly and who left this world. Society sometimes sends the opposite message, and tendsto brush death and all it's sorrow 'under the rug', so to speak, but we all know that it is not helpful to do that. WISHING COMFORT AND A PEACEFUL REST FOR ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 I just wanted to stop in tonight and let everyone know I'm thinking of you all. I want to respond to everyone but my words are really failing me right now. To those that are new here... You have found a place full of compassion and understanding. Tam, Please tell us more about your Son as you feel ready. Ted, I understand just what you're saying... all those memories. I, too, have slowly been able to smile at some of the awesome memories of my Trista. Most times the smiles still come with the tears. Hold tight to those beautiful times you shared with Nick. Karen, I will be thinking of you and Geoff tonight and tomorrow on his Birthday. I've been listening to this tonight. Tomorrow will be eight months since my Trista left. It's hitting me hard. January hit me hard... 2014... no new memories to be made this year. I wanted to post this music. It's very soothing and the name really hit me... Journey to the Angels." May we all 'journey to our Angels' tonight in our hearts and in our dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 I logged on hoping to see Wade back. Wondering how he is doing. Sending love thoughts and prayers out to everyone tonight. Ted, thank you for sharing the picture of Nicks bike. I can relate to how hard it is to be surrounded by those special things that were just between you and your child. I go between soaking it all in and then not being able to bear it. Hang in there.Karen, I will keep your family in my prayers. So glad you are back.I have been trying so hard to find my place, my own nesting spot. I have a really hard time on my bunk. That is where I was when my mom called and told me about Sam. I sleep there at night but if we drive at night, I have horrible anxiety and panic up there during the day. So I have a big fleece blanket that I made for Sam many years ago. I love to wrap up in it. I have talked to my husband about having a time where I am not "on call" for honey doos.....I need a drink, im hungry, could you dial so and so on the phone, hand me a kleenex, hand me my medicine etc.... Those all usually start when I get online. I understand because he is driving and if we had to pull over all the time we would never get anywhere. So he has agreed to let me have my time. I can go to the back for me time. I still have difficulty concentrating so I havent picked up my reading.There was a rough time after Sam was born when I suffered from post partum depression. One of the things that really helped me was collage. I started doing some little projects and it has really helped. I made 2 picture frames for my grandaughters. My next project is to make frames for my daughters dedicated to their brother and with pictures of them with him.I cry more now than I have for the last few months but I feel more connected with my SAM.I made an album here in galleries today. I hope that soon I will be able to share a video that Sam's friends made for us. I'm just not quite ready.The attorney that I spoke to advised that we call them back after we had the final police report and death certificate. Sam's dad called me today. He said that he called the state to see why he had not recieved the certificate. Come to find out, the coroner never sent it in. The police still won't release his things. I am on my way there. I guess I know what I will be doing all day Monday.Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 These are the frames I msde for my babies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Hello my friendsFebruary is around the corner and for some, that is a tough month.I am sending loving thoughts to those parents.Several new people here, and for that, I am sorry. This searing pain will not last forever. I have learned to find the light again. I am trying to weave Brian into the pattern of my new life. In the beginning, every memory hurt. But with time, I laugh again at the son I had and the fun we had. We really do have a different life now and we need time to get to know who we have become.Hang in there my friends.Colleen, Brian's Mom 4 ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Gretchen, I know I am bit early...but Happy Heavenly Birthday Forest...we think of you on the day when your mom first held you with all the love a heart could hold... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Kate, thank you for the music this morning...I really appreciate the support you have been for me and for so many in our early grieving... Ted, my husband is doing the same, trying to finish projects that went undone, it is all too surreal...I was having a hard time myself today thinking of all the projects we had planned...I remember going with Jesse to buy some building materials and doors for his house...remember walking with him selecting the items...if I would have known they would never be used and why... Debbie, it is good that you are finding ways to take care of yourself during this time...whatever will take some stress away is good...the picture frames are very cute... Shannon, the music you posted is very soothing...I can see why you like it...did you still go away for the weekend? I am going to put a excerpt from a book Shannon had recommended on early grief...it really spoke to my heart ********************************************** "At times grief invites us into a terrain that reduces us to our most naked self. We find it hard to meet the day, to accomplish the smallest of tasks, to tolerate the greetings of others. We feel estranged from the world and only marginally able to navigate the necessities of eating, sleeping, and self-care. Some other presence takes over in times of intense grief and we are humbled, brought to our knees where we live close to the ground, the gravity of sorrow felt deep in our bones." Weller, Francis (2012-07-11). Entering the Healing Ground: Grief, Ritual and the Soul of the World (p. 17). WisdomBridge Press. Kindle Edition. *********************************************** Karen, please share about your son Geoff as you are able... Colleen, thanks for coming back and encouraging us onward... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Laurie, The weekend we are planning is not until March 14 and 15. We are still planning to go though. I know that book was one of the first that I read on this journey. I don't know if others have this experience or not, but... while I, on some level, retrained most of what I've read, it all seems so surreal to me. I find myself going back and rereading. Debbie, I really love the picture frames. They are so sweet. They will be loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 It has been a difficult struggle. We have clawed our way to the point that we are able to find degrees of happiness again. We laugh, cry, and talk about our son in a way that the pain is not as intense. Life begins to take on new shape and meaning again. Jeff will remain with me in my heart until I take my last breath. I know deep down inside that he would insist that we find happiness again. And we are. Colleen is correct that it will slowly ease. Sending love to all. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Thank you all for the support...long, long day. The staff met this morning before school so the administration could go over the support that was going to be provided. Counselors from all the schools and community were on hand to help the students and staff. We were given a little note to read to the kids. I wanted so badly to not go, but I didn't want to leave my students to a sub. They were very thankful and supportive...to myself...to each other...to Eli's close friends. Lots of hugs and tears. The kids had so much empathy...they would come up to me and ask if I needed a hug...or ask me if I would give them a hug. And none of them worried about the tears we all shed. I have such good friends at school. Many of them came up to me to make sure I was ok...to see if I needed a break. I said I was...even though I wasn't...but sometimes you just have to "do what you have to do." Now, to help Eli's family. The police, along with the district, will do an investigation to see if there were any signs...bullying, etc. Some of us teachers got together to pick our brains, but we couldn't come up with anything. What did we miss? It is our job to help protect them, and now again, I wonder what I could have done. The question of "Why?" will be on my mind for a long time. Rod "made" me come over to start building Brooks' birdhouse. I didn't do a very good job. The pieces didn't fit together very well...kinda like the story of our lives sometimes. Just needed to be busy again so it was good. I will be ok. I have support...I have you... I hope Eli's family has support. The admin is going to come up with a way to help. I'm sure we will have a free-dress day where the kids pay a dollar so they don't have to wear uniforms. They did that for me...the kids came up to me when I went back to school after Brooks' death and told me they had paid a dollar for Brooks... They wanted me to know they hadn't paid for free-dress, but for me...that was special...now all those memories are flooding back...like someone said here a little while ago..."Can't see the screen anymore through the tears." Grief is exhausting!!! I hope I sleep tonight. Your support again allows me to live...to hope...to cry without judgement...Thank you!!! I miss you, Brooks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 This was a post on Trista's facebook page today from the girl who was driving the car: Today seems to be a hard day for everyone today, and like all the others I've been missing you. I'm not sure why today hit me so hard but I slept all day hoping to see you in my dreams and now I lie awake crying in bed because all I want is to see you. I'd give my future to see you again and it's so awful not to have my best friend by my side anymore. I still blame myself Tris, and if I could trade you spots I would in a heartbeat. You didn't do anything to deserve to be gone, you were just an innocent passenger. I'm sorry... I'm just so sorry.. This is so very hard for me but I felt the need to respond because I respond to all the posts on her page. I just didn't know how. I didn't want to say... "It's not your fault". She is a very smart girl and she knows she has 'some fault' in this. There are other things that came into play but yes... a split second choice on her part... could have changed everything. I felt that 'it's not your fault' is one of those things... like when people say to me... God needed another Angel... and so this is what I said to her. Ashley, What Camara said is so true. There is a lot of wisdom in her words. I won't pretend you should wake up tomorrow and be 'ok'. We both know that's not going to happen. If you didn't feel these things you would not be a 'human'. You would not be the person that Trista loves. She always loved those who felt deeply, as she always felt everything deeply. We all want her back. We all want to erase that split second where so many things came together in a single terrible moment. But one life lost is too much. Close your eyes and ask yourself... "what would Trista say to you"? You will hear her voice. Whether you believe it is her voice or simply that you know her well enough that you know exactly what she would say, doesn't really matter. It's still just as powerful and I know what she will say. She will say it in a way that is just yours and hers and you will know. You have a responsibility now, to live your life to the very fullest. To take Trista with you in your heart because she will be sharing in your experiences with you and in those quiet moments where you connect to her she will share her new experience with you. You will get a glimpse of the love and peace that is now her new life. Right now you are carrying the pain. Eventually that will soften. Eventually it is the love that you will feel the most. Hugs to you, Sweet Girl. I hope that this somehow gave her some comfort and peace. I know she would have never hurt my Girl in a million years if she knew. I just don't know how to handle this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Shannon... I think what you wrote was just right. It had to be so hard...but I think it shows the amazing heart you have. It was from the "heart"... honest too. That is how it should be. We cannot hide from what we are going through. I have learned that...it will sneak up on us if we do. Every time my thoughts drift to Brooks, I think of Trista. Renea and I always wondered if we did the right thing by only having Brooks...he never really mentioned anything about brothers or sisters...but, I think he would have loved being Trista's big brother. Just something about the memories you share...and the memories I have of Brooks with his friend's younger siblings. They loved him because he was funny and outgoing and made them feel special...and he was protective of them. He would sing and dance for them. My students were always so infatuated with him when he came to visit me at school. That's one of the things that his friends always liked...that Brooks would always be there for their brothers and sisters. He had so much empathy. That sure seems to be a theme with all of our angels. One of the many reasons they are all so special...and will continue to live on... Being on here again has made a difference... Where I felt lost just an hour ago, now I see some light to guide me. Not a spotlight, but light nonetheless. You all have done that. Words can't convey what that means...so... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Wade, I am so glad to know that you are home and that you were able to get through this day with the help of good students and friends, and that you helped so many through the day as well. Yes, sometimes you do what you have to do, and your being there for the kids was a very strong example to them that even in the most bleak and painful times, their Teacher stands with us and shows again adn again that our lives are very very important. Debbie, I am thrilled that you have some time to yourself and that you are feeling more connected to your Sweet Son. Those tears being shed are allowing you to make more room in you to feel all that is around you. Shannon, what Wade did for his students today is what you did for Trista's friend . The words you spoke were so healing and so powerful, I am sure that she has a new strength in her after reading them. And the stars are shining on your home, your Girl so proud of that best friend of hers, You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 When you need comfort, it always seems to appear... A friend of Brooks posted this on FB to me. Another memory to smile about...to know your child made a difference is the best reward a parent can have... I will place this one in a special place in my heart... Bruiser is Michelle's dog... Michelle Anderson Wade, this is Bruiser. Brooks loved him. Every time he came to my house, he talked to him and played with him. He even made up a song about him, I really wish I could remember it. I just wanted to share that with you. Michelle Anderson You're welcome, Wade. I thought you might appreciate that. Brooks will always have a special place in my heart. At the time, I only had Bru and it meant the world to me that Brooks was kind to him. He never dismissed him as "just a dog" and always made it a point to love on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mybeautifulgirl Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Shannon, what you said was perfect. A difficult situation for you but your words were perfect.Wade, Oh dear, such sadness . I guess this death brings everything back home again for you again. In our life we do not know what is around the corner. We are so unprepared for the reality of death that it is such a shock to the system when something like this happens. I am really missing my girl today. Everywhere I look I see Meagan. I feel so sad. I am lost without her.She did not deserve to die. Tears well in my eyes As I think of my loss.Dee, You seem to say the right things to everyone here.I appreciate your knowledge and experience down this grief path. It would be a lonely journey without your words of comfort.I turn to this website for comfort and understanding from folks in similar circumstance. My thoughts are with everyone here tonight.Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Jan, It's good to see you here tonight. I'm sorry you are having a difficult time. I can so identify. It seems like some days are worse than others. It changes from moment. We are headed back home to get my step son for a super bowl party. That has always been a big day for our sports nut family. It is really d ifficult as that is something we always did as a family. Even when I wasn't home, Sam would stay home with his dad. He would call me for every big game play or a funny commercial. Oh, how I miss him. I pulled out a dvd a few days ago. It was one that Sam's friends made of Sam and his family and friends. They played it before his service while everyone was waiting for the family in the sanctuary. I only saw it once right after the service. I had it out to download on my laptop and have not been able to watch it yet. I would like to share it here, but I'm not quite ready for that yet either. I did come across one of the songs that they used today and was able to listen to it. The tears were plenty but I made it through which I guess is progress. I'm not sure if I feel better, just a little different. I'm going to try to upload it. Shannon, What you did for that little girl today was so powerful and so selfless. It would have been so easy not to have responded in that way. I always hear you talk about making Trista proud. I know she is beaming. Well, I tried to upload the video but it wouldn't let me for some reason. It is Mariah Carey and Boyz 2 Men "Some Sweet Day". It is really a beautiful song. Thinking of everyone tonight, Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mybeautifulgirl Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Debbie,Thanks for uploading that song. So relevant.I knew the song but had not taken much notice of the words.Very true.It is important lesson for us all to tell our loved ones how much we love and care for them while they are alive.Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Thanks Wade for the friendship video and Debbie for the music, such great ways to touch hearts here. You all touch mine.Jan, if those of us here for a longer time can assist with our words, well then we feel so glad that we can do just that. I know that there were others here when I first came, and that they left us with their experiences and footsteps to follow if needed. I am holding your hand, your heart, as you find your way through this tangled time, Meagan rooting for her Momma all the day through. That you see her at each turn is a reminder of your tragic loss but also a beautiful reminder of the energy she gives you, leaves for you to find your way. It takes a long while to find out who you are and what you are going to do next, but she is near and her love is like yours: Forever. Snowing like crazy, have to go to the gym with My sweet BabyERZ and then to the carnival for the silent auction...All day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Sorry I messed up that post belowI was trying to respond to the Mariah Carey song Sam d mom postedI don't know if I had mentioned it before that was one of many songs I sung to Steve those last days when he was in the hospital,they say sometimes music or song can be heard or whatever you want to call it easier or better than just spoken words to those who are comatose.its just one of several I remember singing him along with Winnie the pooh song and you are my special angel songs I sung to him as a babyWhen his friends came to visit him in the hospital they played him songs mostly rap and the stuff they liked to listen to for him while they were there.on their iPods ect... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Debbie, thank you for uploading that song. Very beautiful. Dee, have a good time at the Carnival! Hope the snow adds to the scenario. Wade, yesterday must have been so difficult for you. yet you managed to be there for your students in spite of your own personal loss. Another reason you won that award. I was so sorry to hear of that young man taking his own life. Every time I hear of another suicide it gives me the chills. How I feel for his parents. Just be there for them. Support is what they are going to need more than ever. I am glad they are looking into it closely as one would expect. As to the Why? Perhaps they will never know. I'm afraid that is something that Ross and I live with on a daily basis. I pray that we both live long enough to see the day that kids can come forward and ask for help without the fear of the stigma attached to this. Stay strong. Brooks would be very proud of how you handled it yesterday. Hope Renea is doing ok as well. It is a beautiful day here today. Sunny and quite pleasant. We are heading into the city to shop and grab some lunch. perhaps take in a movie. Wishing everyone a decent day. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Wade,My Brian was also an animal lover. That shows real compassion and I know Brian is showing all the newer angels around heaven.Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Wade,My Brian was also an animal lover. That shows real compassion and I know Brian is showing all the newer angels around heaven.Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Watch "MercyMe - The Hurt & The Healer with lyrics" on YouTube I don't know why but for some reason music is really touching me right now. Just thought I'd share again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Watch "MercyMe - The Hurt & The Healer with lyrics" on YouTube Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted February 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2014 Jan, it is such a hard adjustment with our beloved children…thank you for sharing your lovely daughter with us…we walk with you…. MaryAnn, those memories from the hospital are so hard to deal with...but that his friends came...and helped hold his hand... Susan, your son Aaron is an amazing man…such a gift he was to be a healer… Kate, wishing you and Ross a nice day trip…it is very snowy yet today and I went in and got a set of new tires for my daughter’s car to help with traction…hope the roads are plowed fairly well up there…I read your words about your son last night…they are close to my heart… Debbie, thank you for the music… wishing for some comforting times for you… Wade, we are here for you, hard, hard day…I am sure Jesse and Brooks are walking strong where they are -- along with all our angels we miss so much… Shannon, what you wrote is exactly perfect…I am sure Trista is proud, and you are right that you cannot entirely dismiss this because it is what it is…the results of that day are lived with... Our last court date we had the girl did not even bother to appear…yes the weather was not the best but I think if it was something she wanted to go to, she would have been there…the first court date, she appeared at the court over the teleprompter because she was in jail for an unrelated issue…. This morning Christina was sick again…I think it is PTSD… For all those who read and don’t post... wishing you a peaceful day as well, it is a hard journey… ****************************On Grief: The onset of grief following a significant loss initiates a shift in our daily rhythm. We enter into what many cultures refer to as a time of living in the ashes. Among the ancient Scandinavian culture, for instance, it was a common practice for those dealing with loss to spend their days alongside the fires that were aligned down the center of the longhouse. They would occupy this physical and soul terrain until they felt they had fully moved through this time where grief had taken them. Ash speaks to what remains, the barest semblance of what once was. “Ash is the ultimate reduction, the bare soul, the last truth, all else dissolved.” The soul in grief feels reduced, brought to the place where all other thoughts or matters dissipate into ash. Little was expected of the griever during this time, which often lasted a year or longer. The individual’s duty was to mourn, to live in the ashes of their loss and regard this time as holy. It was a brooding time, a deeply interior period of digesting and metabolizing the bitter tincture of loss. It was a time out of time, a journey to the place of sorrow and emptying. Whoever came back from this sojourn came back changed and deepened by this work in the ashes.Author: Weller, Francis Article on Helping those in Grief from New York Timeshttp://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/21/opinion/brooks-the-art-of-presence.html?_r=3Excerpt:Do be there. Some people think that those who experience trauma need space to sort things through. Assume the opposite. Most people need presence. The Woodiwisses say they were awed after each tragedy by the number of people, many of whom had been mere acquaintances, who showed up and offered love, from across the nation and the continents. They were also disoriented by a number of close friends who simply weren’t there, who were afraid or too busy. Anna and Catherine’s father, Ashley, says he could detect no pattern to help predict who would step up and provide the ministry of presence and who would fumble. Neither age, experience nor personal belief correlated with sensitivity and love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbearw58 Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Nick service slide show https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=807918442567402&set=vb.100000477622671&type=3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sholl1955 Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Hello all. I have been reading and you are all amazing, wonderful people. The support here is priceless. My prayers are with everyone. We spent the morning in the Emergency Room. My hubby started having hip pain on Thursday while at the daycare and began having trouble walking as his hip keeps giving out. No known injury. I made a doctor appt. for Monday, but he got worse through the night , They took xrays and didn't see a fracture, and diagnosed Bursitis of his hip. Giving him anti-inflammatory meds and will follow with his doctor Monday. I manage to get him around the apartment with a walker. He also has Asthma which is giving him problems with this crazy weather. Poor guy. Each time he has difficulties it makes the dementia worse. Sometimes it evens out as he gets better and sometimes it doesn't. But I have learned to take it a day at a time, and be thankful for the good days, and deal with the bad ones. I did miss my Sarah as we sat in the ER and waited. She was always there at times that he struggled. I missed her so. It felt very lonely. But I did think that I knew I could come here later and share that I miss her today and that you would all understand. Thank you for being here. We have ugly weather here today. Snow, rain, sleet, more snow. Crazy winter. Wishing a quiet/safe evening for all. Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Sandy, I am so sorry that your Husband is suffering with pain and confusion that results from the continuity change. I know you miss Sarah and her warmth especially when dealing with these difficult times, she sits with you still but in a new way. I hope that you and your Husband get some good solid rest tonight and that you can relax tomorrow. You probably have gotten more snow than us with the way it dips south around the lake, so be careful and stay cozy. Debbie, I echo Lora, thanks for the music indeed. The universal language of music, the ways it brings us together and the ways we can let our defenses down when we listen. The backdrop to our lives. Laurie, I am saying prayers for Christina to feel some sunlight on her face and in her heart. She is hurting, wondering what to do with this extra layer of pain. Holding you both as you go along. Maryanne, good to see you today and thank you for the music as well. Col, how are your roads? Kate, thanks the carnival went quite well. Lora time with Erica was super lovely, and the carnival was a wonderful time. I am pooped. So if you move, will you move in your immediate area? A photo of Erica spotting us in the mirror at the gym this morning and two photos showing some of the mini-bean-bag games we had at auction. (student painted) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Gretchen,Thinking of you today. Sending warm thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Hope your celebration of your dear FOREST'S BIRTHDAY. I don't remember of you said exactly what day it was but, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOREST! I hope you are doing well. I know sometimes these things can be so stressful. Wade,Thinking of you today. How are you doing? Ted,I tried to watch your video, but couldn't open it. Wanda,You have been on my mind the last few days. Hope you are doing ok.Sandy,You really have your plate full. Please take care of yourself.Lora, I finally started looking around other parts of this website. I was able to start an album. I came across Cara's first thing when I opened galleries. Her face popped out at me. Smiling, beautiful. I especially liked the pictures of her tacos. Sam loved Taco Bell also. I think it's awful but I always gave in. I'm really glad I did. Chris P and Tam,Hope you are finding some peace. Going home. Almost there. I plan to sneak out during the super bowl party tomorrow to spend some quite time with Sam at his house in his space. I LOVE YOU SAM. I MISS YOU SO MUCH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SamDsmom Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 Dee,Those pictures are so cute. She looks like a little angel with her chubby cheeks.Laurie,I am holding you and Christina in my prayers. Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2014 am with you all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now