Loss of an Adult Child

[warmingc]

Thank you to those of you who have responded to me in love and pain and thoughtfulness. Audrey was such a special person even though she was the one (of four) who needed the most mothering. She was caring, color-blind, empathetic, loving, and smart. She was also exasperating, needy, crazy, and searching. Like many kids, she was not quite sure where she was going, but always looking. Loved her so much. So close to all of my kids, but she really had my heart. I miss her every minute of every day. Yesterday was 15 months since I lost her on the 15th day. It has been so hard to deal with this on my own. Friends have forgotten about me, family has forgotten about me. Just am sad every day, all day long. I teach 4th grade and that's the only time I sort of check out, but the rest of the time, can't believe my life has taken this path. I lost 6 babies. Each one more painful than the next, but none of those losses can compare to losing my precious Audrey. Thank you for letting me talk.

[Sholl1955]

Warmingc I am glad you found this site but sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I lost my daughter, Sarah, age 33 March 14th 2012, and I understand the sadness that stays with us. Friends and family have moved on and have no clue how we really feel. Of course we wouldn't want them to be able to understand as the only way one can truly understand is by losing a child. However it is a very lonely place that we find ourselves. This site is the place to come and share our hearts with people who truly understand and who care for us. I have not posted for awhile but read every day and gain strength from what others post. There are some very wise people who belong here and I am thankful for their desire to continue and help those who come needing caring, supportive friends. Come often, post when you feel you want to and know everyone her "gets it" Sandy

[Sholl1955]

Warmingc I am glad you found this site but sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I lost my daughter, Sarah, age 33 March 14th 2012, and I understand the sadness that stays with us. Friends and family have moved on and have no clue how we really feel. Of course we wouldn't want them to be able to understand as the only way one can truly understand is by losing a child. However it is a very lonely place that we find ourselves. This site is the place to come and share our hearts with people who truly understand and who care for us. I have not posted for awhile but read every day and gain strength from what others post. There are some very wise people who belong here and I am thankful for their desire to continue and help those who come needing caring, supportive friends. Come often, post when you feel you want to and know everyone her "gets it" Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

I am really a mess right now...but will find footing tomorrow...

[Mermaid Tears]

I really know that ones can find a way....from the first year to the 10th...

[ericasmom]

Sandy, good to see you here tonight. I have missed you. How is husband? How are your knees? Did the move happen?

Warming C, I am sorry that you feel so alone in your grief, I know that that happens to many. There are times I need to be alone in my grief, but I do have folks to share my thoughts with so I am lucky in that way. I teach third grade, and going back in August after Eri died in July was difficult but necessary. As it turns out, it was the best decision I could have ever made as the Kids in school were my purpose and my focus. That first group I had after my Daughter was killed have now graduated high school. One of those kids in that class, Julia, just lost her brother three days ago. A car with a Drunk driver hit him. Died at the scene. Damn.

What's up Susan? is there something triggering your blues or is the calendar day by day doing this? I am holding your hand, hold on.

Shannon, I agree, that video of Forest and his buddies is the best. I have seen it so I am glad Gretchen put it up again. I love that Forest, that smile is beautiful.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I have a feeling I will not be sleeping anytime soon. I'm so exhausted but my mind keeps racing. I've had a constant headache and I've realized it's probably because I continuously clench my teeth without knowing I'm doing it. My body aches. My chest hurts. I'm nauseated most of the time. I miss my Trista so much. I don't cry a lot but I'm teary all the time. I replay the events of the day of the accident over and over. I can't breathe and I call out her name involuntarily. I can't watch television or listen to the radio. I can only listen to certain music and only when I choose too. Trista never leaves my thoughts even for a second no matter what I'm doing. I just miss her so much. I don't know how to get through this. I'm trying so hard but what I really want to do is just go away from everyone and everything for a long long time. I want to shut down. Everything I do is on autopilot. I just get through another day to do it over again the next. I try to be strong for my family but I am completely broken. Today I was told the crash report was complete but hadn't been released yet. I'm waiting to hear about that. They said within a week or two they will be ready to move forward.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

Shannon, go to bed with a book to read, a book that has nothing to do with grief maybe, read till your eyes drop, someone elses story so that your brain can take a break. I remember those long nights, I always have a book that I like sitting waiting for me each night. Some nights I read several pages, some nights, it is two paragraphs as my eyes are very tired, if my brain can float, I get to sleep.

This is a normal state of being for such an abnormal happening in y our life.

By the way, you are being strong for your family; just think of what you would say to any one of us if we thought we might be weak just because we wish we were alone and not have to take care of anything...all of us have been there more than once on this journey. YOu are strong, anyone who wakes up the next day and finds some sort of energy to get through first one day, then weeks, and then months after a child dies? Well you are strong, very strong.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Thank you. That is exactly what I do most nights. I have only been able to read books on grief, loss of a child, or spirituality though. It does help most nights. I just have nights that are so hard to shut my mind down. I go through the day pretending to be "ok", taking care of my three year old, making sure he has hugs and smiles even when I'm screaming inside. When everyone is in bed for the night, I guess that is when I can finally break down.

I'm glad I can come here and do that. My friends and family are all over an hour away. They are all moving on which I know is life. That's how it goes but to me it's so fresh and raw. I have so many things yet to go through before I am finally just left alone with my grief as far a legal things, etc.

I've had two people tell me in the past week that they can't believe how well I'm doing and that they just know that if they lost a child they would have to be locked away somewhere. I believe one person used the term "rubber room". These are people that I barely know so how do they know how well I'm doing? I know people say things out of a complete lack of understanding but really? As if their grief would be worse than mine? I'm sure they probably mean it to as encouragement but do they realize how many times a day I think just that but know I have to stay strong for my boys.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jeff's Mom]

I feel exactly the same way Laurie. For me, I feel that I was not able to actually grieve for my son properly the first year and a half. That I am behind what others expect of me. My mother-in-laws cancer was so all consuming and attending to her daily needs was all we could in all honesty deal with. The trouble is that I came to understand that the general populace that has not experienced this is very judgemental. They in their discomfort push us along in order not to have to feel guilty. Yesterday, for the first time since Jeff's death we did not receive one call. Was it that time has moved on, or was it compounded by my husband's illness? I can honestly say that yes, I would love the support. But if they are not able to offer it naturally....well, I really don't need them in my life. This is not anger I feel, but more disgust. As we walked into the memorial site yesterday afternoon a woman walked out that had two dogs with her. She saw me carrying the flowers. She stopped and said that I was obviously going to Jeff's bench. It was so nice to hear her mention his name. A total stranger stopped to tell us how much she appreciated the effort we had gone to provide such a lovely and calm spot where one could just sit and reflect on the beauty of nature. The view was breathtaking yesterday. After losing a child we are forced into reshaping our lives. Many do not like it. That's too bad. We need to do what we can for ourselves to handle this pain. If it is uncomfortable for others then that is their concern. I always say to myself that I have not left him behind but I am taking him along for the journey. It helps somehow to think this. The first year is beyond horrible. Do what you have to in order to get through the day. It does soften with time. But it never goes back to being the same. Stay as busy and focused as you can on accomplishing things. I know it is a real effort. Slowly it will start to get a bit easier. Life will again find purpose and there will be smiles and happiness once again. They would want that for us. Sending warm wishes to all for a peaceful day. Love, Kate

[ericasmom]

Susan, how are you today? The dates looming are the source for many a panic attack or shut down for parents who have lost a child. It is the most unnatural date on a calendar, it is the most hated date, it requires us to do something that goes against every bone and every instinct in our bodies and minds. Our spirit feels sucked out of us, and with it, our breath. How the hell does this many days go by without our Beloved Child? And yet those days do. And they accumulate just like the salt on the rims of our glasses. To love so greatly also means to grieve so completely. And you are, you are following the stages of grief that Elizabeth Kubler Ross has written so eloquently about, there is nothing really linear about it, thank God, we bounce like a ball between them with little say-so on our part. Yes, we eventually will have more say-so, it does happen, but this is early on your road and you are facing the benchmark that returns us to the scene of so much broken-ness. I promise that you will find a more peaceful place in your heart down the road.

We find we are far stronger than we ever knew, and yet somehow we feel weakened by our reactions. We are not weak, we are friggin STRONG and letting our grief take the path it needs to take will allow even more strength later on.

Shannon, there are some amazing memoirs I have read that read like fiction but are parents or siblings writing about their losses; By Alison Smith, Name All the Animals. By Isabelle Allende', Paula and also by Isabelle, The Sum of Our Days. A book by Anne Lamott that I adore is Traveling Mercies, a story from her life that just speaks to real life in such poetic terms. She is irreverent and hilarious, but very spiritual. I go between memoir and women's current fiction. I find it is the only cure for my lifetime of insomnia, which of course became huge when Erica died.

I know and many others too, about the things folks say that they think are appropriate but are not.

A few years ago I proposed that we all write down the things folks say and write a book entitled, " Oh no you didn't just say that!"

So maybe today we can all add one thing or more of well-meaning (or not) folks who say things that don't sit right.

My entry; A man I had once loved(long ago) said this to me at the FARMERS MARKET a month following ERi's death, " I just could not be at the services for Erica, I could not get near your pain."

I replied, " No worries, your wife came."

[ericasmom]

Kate, we posted at the same time. Your post was lovely, I found myself shaking my head in agreement and I am so glad that the day unfolded with beauty from the Bench. Jeff's window to the world.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

New cover photo for Jared's memorial FB page. My rasta angel!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Thank you for the book suggestions. I will check them out. I have also always struggled a bit with insomnia but it has gotten so much worse. I know we have all heard things from well meaning people and I really try to look at it with the understanding that they have no clue. I like the book idea. I would also add the story of the well meaning neighbor who, just 2 weeks after the accident, told me that he knows it's hard right now but that someday I may find humor in the situation and proceeded to tell me a "funny" story about the cremation of his dog. I know it's impossible to understand until you've been through it but I'm sure that even before this happened I would have known better than that. I don't think I will ever be able to speak to him again.

Laurie,

I'm so sorry you're still waiting after 11 months. Maybe things are moving faster for me because it's such a small, rural area. There's just not as much going on here. My heart goes out to those of you who are still waiting after so long. I know how hard it's been just waiting these few weeks. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I hate that any of us go through these things but it does help to know I'm not alone. I don't know anything about Gregorian chant but I do know that certain sounds can be so healing.Sound therapy using singing bowls has been suggested to me but I haven't looked in to it yet.

Kate,

"I have not left him behind but I am taking him along for the journey." Thank you for sharing that. It is helpful to think that way.

Shannon

[Mermaid Tears]

I am thinking of and for all my 'friends' on this site....we gather here with our shattered and broken hearts....we reach out and slowly gather the pieces...and create a mosaic of our 'new normal'...thank you to all of you that are thinking of me...your words mean so much..and I will tell each of you....I needed to read your words and thoughts....I can't go into all that is 'going on'....too little time...too many words....more later....

[tobyfreefoot]

kate--that is exactly how i feel on many days, the good days like he is absolutely going along with me. i can feel him looking through my eyes and visa versa like we are some how merged. you know that often the mother ends up with some of their child's dna and it is then passed on to subsequent children. so moms, if you are your children's biological mothers it is very possible they truly are a part of you.

laurie we had a monk intone some gregorian chants at my aunt's funereal. i see how that could be a very soothing sound.

becky--beautiful!! love all the symbolism and wonderful professional job you did!!

came across this the other day and reminded me of the song we played at forest's funeral "watch the sky for me"

ALWAYS FOREST SWEETHEART ALWAYS

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Becky,

I love what you do with the photos of Jared. They are truly beautiful and show so much love. I have always enjoyed photography and used a photo editor to enhance my pictures, mostly of my kids. I have been doing some things with some of Trista's photos. It gives me a reason to look at them and way to give her some loving energy. I will post one I did recently. I saw the quote online and it really spoke to me about the way I miss her. After reading what Gretchen said about DNA, it goes along with that as well.

Susan,

When I read your posts they really speak straight to my heart. You have such passion and emotion in your words.

[Guest]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sorry, double post, sigh...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[zachysmom]

I had to come back. I missed being here and also tomorrow is 4 years. The meds I am on help but do not take it away. I do not want it taken away. He is my baby. Do not know what I am going to do but just going to take it slow.

[ericasmom]

Beth, 4 years, oh my goodness. I am glad to know you are out there in the big old world. Happy too, that the medicine you are taking is helping but that your memories are in tact. That is what we all want, to be able to remember but to lose some of the sharpness to the pain. Tell us how you are Dear. Let us know what you have been doing in the last two years.

Shannon, I love that saying, so perfect. PERFECT!

Sherry, hot in your world? How are the crops? It is so so hot here, very humid, the level of pressure in the air is very uncomfortable.

Susan, thoughts your way.

Gretchen, I remember the first time I watched the video, I smiled and smiled with Forest, did again, watching it yesterday. He makes me smile.

Laurie, yes, those are panic attacks and I have mistaken it for a heart attack as well. Breathe into a small paper bag, cup it over your nose and mouth and breathe into the bag and you will feel in a few breaths, your body calming as you re-oxygenate your blood. When we are heading toward panic, we don't realize that we are breathing very shallowly, and so we have the reaction we do. Listen to the Gregorian chants and breathe deeply sitting tall or standing up.

Lora, sleep Girlfriend, just rest and rest and maybe tomorrow or the next day you will feel like chatting, maybe not, but you do not have to worry about us, we are here when ever you need. Sadness makes us very tired and I am glad that you are listening to your body.

Sandy, how are you?

Shelly, what about you?

Del?

Carol?

Trudi?

Greg?

Colleen?

Leah?

Brenda?

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Lora,

I come here for the support I get and the connection and love I feel from all of you. You have all been so welcoming and helpful to me. I don't have much to offer now in terms wisdom or experience but one thing that I do know is tired. You have been on my mind a lot lately. I know you have just passed that one year mark. In fact, with our Angel Dates being only 13 days apart, I imagine one year ago you were very much where I am now. I have thought of all you've gone through in this year and especially here recently with Cara's Angelversary and the placing of her stone. I can't say I know how you feel because I haven't gotten there yet but I'm sure it's exhausting. I can say that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get the rest you need and the time to take care of you.

Shannon

[517958]

Zachy's mom, I'm sorry for your loss. I also lost a young child. My 5 year-old drowned in a swimming pool on July 6th 2011. So I've just been past the 2 year mark. Know that I will be thinking about you today - this hard day.

Zach be with your mom today and every day!

[ericasmom]

ZACHY Sweetheart-

Sit upon your Momma's shoulder today and rest your head against hers, let her feel that special sense of YOU! One day without you is too long but your family is doing what they must to live their best lives in the light of your love.

[daveydow1]

HAPPY BELATED HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, JEFF. SMILE DOWN ON YOUR DEAR

MOM AND DAD AND WARM THEIR HEARTS.

Kate----I agree that sometimes it might be a stranger who gives us a bit of

comfort when those closer to us shy away. You said sometimes others

just want to "push us along in order not to feel guilty". this seems to be so

true. I have never had any phone calls on David's birthday or Angel Day.

No one comments about the memorial that we pay to have in the newspaper

each year on his angel day. My husband and I say "that's ok.......WE remember'.

As you say....we aren't looking for sympathy.....but it can hurt when everyone

seems to have forgotten. Also...I like what you said that you have not left Jeff

behind, but are taking him along on the journey. Since all of us here at BI

have lost our children,.......we live with the sorrow every day. Other people

have just the fleeting, immediate exposure to the reality, and they are able

to quickly remove themselves from it. With us......it's an ongoing lifetime

thing that will be with us always. It softens in time, but of course, since we

loved them so very much......it's the reality for us. The memorial area and

bench for Jeff sounds like a beautiful place.

Warmingc-----I'm so sorry for your los of your dear daughter, Audrey. Thank

you for posting her pic. She is a beautiful young lady. Everyone here understands

your pain and sorrow. Please come back to BI (Beyond Indigo) anytime you

feel you can. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Shannon----

Yes---I agree that BI can be a lifeline for so many of us. As with you...

many of us do not have people close to us nearby, so this site is a good place

to come and vent all our feelings and experiences.....good or not so good, and

everyone knows how you feel. Take care.

Dee-----Yep---HOT...HOT....HOT here also, and the humidity is just adding to

the misery. We are to get some relief with a cool front coming down from

Canada (thanks Kate ).....by Saturday.

Hope your A/C holds out......they are working so hard right now.

ZACKY.......ZACKY.......BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[zachysmom]

We released 1 balloon for each year and 1 for Zachy to play with. Could not believe how high they went. They went up practically straight even though there was a breeze. I have added pictures of two of the balloons. Had to break out the paint.net to circle the balloons because they are so small.

[Mermaid Tears]

Zachy's Mom....as Dee as said...'our lives changed when that baby was placed on our arms....our lives changed again when they left our arms'....for now....feel our arms of support around you...and know His Arms of Mercy, Grace, Love and Healing are around you...it is a heartbreaker for sure...to have this day...and feel the sadness closing around. We all wish you some SONshine through the broken cracks of your heart...we all weep with you.

[shellykut]

Hello all Indigos - please know that I think of you all every day and read every day but I just can't seem to get my head above water lately. It will be three years since Sarah died and I feel like I'm in a different realm. I believe I was doing ok but since early June I just can't get it together. For those of you longer on this road, have you gone through phases of anxiety, not really engaging in life, feeling distant and disconnected? I'm sorry to be talking about just me, but I'm really struggling. Some feedback would be really appreciated! Love to all...Shelly

[MissingB]

I am new to the group and am glad I found you all. My only son, Bryce, died from an epileptic seizure on 12/7/12. He was 23. He developed epilepsy at age 4 and from the first time I saw him have a seizure until the day he died I worried about him dying.

I found him in his bed and it was obvious to me how he died. I then had to wait hours while the police and coroner came into my house and asked me very invasive questions while I was in complete shock. It is quite an ordeal when a young person dies at home and by the questions (even if you give medical history) you can tell that they expect a death of someone that age to be drug/alcohol related or malicious. They wondered around my house, opened doors to rooms they didn't need to, made me feel like I had done something wrong. Stood next to the Christmas tree that Bryce and I were going to decorate that day and made me feel more anxious than I thought possible.

I've avoided thinking about finding him and the hours afterward because it is just so hard. I guess I am at a point on this long road where I am starting to be able to process "The Day" and those first painful, shocking hours. Why this week do the thoughts come flooding at me, I keep asking myself. I've been doing "good" - whatever that means in my mind.

I have strictly avoided saying "I found my son dead." It takes things to another level to do so. To just say he died is hard enough. I've even been to a grief group where someone asked me how my son died and told them an epileptic seizure and the next thing that came out of the person's mouth implied I/we didn't do enough medically to prevent his seizures. That we could have prevented it.

We all know there is no guidebook for parenting and we do the best we can and make mistakes and learn from them along the way. There is absolutely no guide for surviving the death of a child and the intense pain and sadness involved. Let alone have someone else imply we could have done more to prevent it....we do enough of that to ourselves knowing that we were doing everything we could for our adult son and still wonder and blame ourselves for not doing more. The person who said this was very new to the loss of a child, so I don't think they really even realized how their comment came across. I am trying to let it go, but it sticks - ya know?

Sometimes life just seems so impossible now and yet the days go by.....

Thank you all for being here and letting me say these things. I hope that I can be a help to someone else at some point.

Jill - still Bryce's mom

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Jill, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Bryce. I related so much to what you posted. My son Jeff died on December 12, 2009. His death was sudden and unexpected at home with us. I remember vividly while the Mounties walked around our home taking pictures and asking questions while we sat there in complete shock. You are correct that they do so in any case that happens suddenly. I relate totally to the pain of looking at the Christmas tree and thinking that this could not be happening as it is Christmas time. I know that sounds foolish, but we were in complete shock and it felt surreal for a very long time. You have come to a great place and are most welcome. Everyone here is walking the same path. It is a good place to vent and open up about your true feelings. As far as what to say to others...well, I would just tell them that he died suddenly and unexpectedly and you can't discuss it at the time as it is too upsetting. Certainly that is what we have done on many occasions. People usually will not press with a reply like that.

[Mermaid Tears]

Hello Jill....I am so sorry for your loss....we on this site will understand every word you write..every sorrow you feel...the deep sadness..for I have come to understand...you really have to walk in those shoes..to know the grief path....and yes....it is hard to say...'my child died'...I think I am still saying...'he passed'....and I can only imagine how very hard it was to have 'all those people' come in your house...the invaded your space...your home...but....that is their job...and sad they can't take it to another level of compassion. But that is not what you should dwell on.....nor what that person said about 'doing enough' for your son's medical issues....all of us here feel 'some or much' guilt...regret...the "I coulda...shoulda..."...all the hand wringing...sob sessions on 'what should have been done'...oh yes....we wear the 'hair shirt' of the mourning parent very well. That is why we understand where you are coming from. Please...please...when all 'the boogie men' come out of the closet...please...know that you loved and did all you could for him...we are all in that place...you have enough love for your boy to go to the moon and back in a rocking chair. The 'we' here...the 'you' on this site....we search for the 'answers' for their passing...and then we 'search' for a reason to go on....also....the 'how' to go on....and so we come together...we reach out...we find we are not alone...we aren't abnormal...we are just 'mourning' and finding that 'new normal'. One important lesson I have learned since I have been on this site is....DO NOT let the rude...out-of-place....ignorant things people say to your face....stay with you.....let it go....for it will only fester and can make you physically sick...really. Everyone on this site has shared some real 'hurtful and hateful' things that have been said to their face. So...you are not alone...many will share with you how they have had to rise above it.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Sholl1955]

Dee, Thank you for asking about me. We did get moved. Still have a few things at my son in laws house but are in our new apartment. It is ironic that we have come full circle. We lived in an apartment when we first got married, then bought a house, raised our girls, sold our house and moved in with Sarah and my son in law to care for Sarah, and now she is gone and we are back in an apartment. I never liked apartment living but this is a nice one. It is a good size and in retirement community so is very quiet. My husband is struggling some. but that is not unusual since moving and changing his world usually causes some challenges. My knee ended up having a tear in the MCL No surgery will help so it just needs to heal on it's own. It is taking time. The distance between me and Rachel is worse. She doesn't want much to do with me. My heart is broken I have really lost both of my girls and now we don't see are granddaughters like we did. I wonder what our purpose in life is right now, I think we could just fade away and no one would notice. This second year without Sarah is in some ways harder than the first, Well, I need to go. I am really tired and not making sense , Good night. Sandy

[ericasmom]

Laurie, it is so hard, I know. Make a list if you have time, of things you think you might enjoy or would like to do; take a walk, go for a swim, take a drive, go fishing, listen to some music, read a specific book or magazine, pack a lunch and go for a hike...see if there are any activities that sound good to you. There may be, and some things on the list might be from your life before you lost Jessie but you may find some new interests, something that you have never done...either way, try to do one thing from your list in the next 3 or 4 days. Even if you are not charging out of the gate to do something, you can still do it and see how it felt have an activity to do one day.

Jill, this is not an easy email for you to write and yet you did it, you introduced yourself to the many members and we all welcome you. Tell us more about Bryce when you can, what kind of young man he is/was. I am so sorry that your Boy died. My girl died 10 years ago in an accident of train on car. It is very hard to pick our pieces up and try to fit them in the old outlines...we are changed, so we have to fit the pieces in differently and learn to live in the light of your Son's love. We stand where they no longer can. Peace to you.

[ericasmom]

Sandy, we posted at the same time and I went directly to bed as my eyes were slamming. Oh my, I think you make perfect sense Dear. Of course you are broken hearted with all that has changed, and yes, Rachel's change has left you wondering so many things. I am so sorry, I wish that I could ask your Daughter what is up with this treatment? The new apartment does sound nice and I give you kudos for being able to do this move in the midst of so much, including your knee. I hope that the purpose of your lives comes clear again, and I hope that you feel the love of Sarah all around you. May there be a rainbow coming soon.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Laurie, that is so amazing that you and your cousin share such commonalities in your losses. Sadness. Love the sign.

I went to a funeral service today for a 22 year old who was killed crossing the street last week, by a hit and run, (later caught) driver. The young driver was 21 and very drunk. Oh the lives he has altered just cause he did not stop from getting behind the wheel.

Christopher died, his twin and sister, (whom I taught) and Mom, looked how I know I must have looked 10 years ago, lost and in shock and feeling that the day was someone's bad dream, not really my life. That pain so thick and evident. Oh how I wish they never had to know. So prayers for Christopher's siblings and Momma and may he be singing and making music with our Angels now, blessings Chris.

[Mermaid Tears]

Have been reading posts....thinking of all....so much 'going on' and 'so much to do'.....but have thoughts to share with all...later....

[ericasmom]

Good morning Folks. Rough sleep last evening, bad dreams and confusing dreams all night it seemed. We had a big storm, a good one that was needed to both water the earth and knock out the humidity. It is now much nicer out after 5 days in the high 90's and humid as can be. Now the storms are headed to Sherry and tomorrow your weather should be nicer too.

[daveydow1]

Jill---I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Bryce. As you say......

we, as parents, can only do the best that we can. We all feel the

onslaught of guilt when our beloved children die. I guess it's part of

the grief process......as books tells us. But, when we just go back and

think....we know, in our hearts, that there is nothing we could have

done to prevent our precious child's death, and we mourn anyhow,

because of the love we have for them, which lives on and will always

be with us. Please come back to BI. Peace & comfort, friend.

I FOUND THIS SAYING IN A BOOK RECENTLY.

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven

where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down

upon us to let us know they are happy.

Inspired by an Eskimo Legend.

Shelly-----So sorry that you are having such a rough time of it. The

pain can wash over like a tidal wave at any point in time. May Sarah

smile down and warm your heart with her love.

Laurie----Sending many thoughts & prayers that you may feel a bit

better. I don't need to tell you that after the loss of a dear child, it is

the worst possible thing that can happen to a parent in this lifetime.

Holding you close.

Dee----Thank the heavens that we have gotten relief from the sweltering

days,.......huh? We were not able to get out to tend to the garden, and

the weeds are like a jungle now. Our cornfield must have loved the

hot humid days.......it's 10 ft. tall, and like a dense green wall all around us.

Sending prayers for Christopher's family.....my heart goes out to them.

Many of us here at BI know the terrible grief that was caused by someone

else's negligence. The careless negligence that took our dear children

from us and left us to try, somehow, to deal with the sorrow & pain.

Today, I'll try to get out there in the garden and start some work......looks

overwhelming right now.

Kate-----

How is your dear husband doing? I'm sending prayers. Are you having mild weather,

or hot days? Hope it's mild.

WISHING PEACE, COMFORT, TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, it is nicer out but still hotter than I thought it was supposed to be. I am having a hard time cooling down.

Don't worry too much about those weeds, they will wait for you.

I love the Eskimo saying, it was on a card sent when Eri died and I pinned it to my bulletin board at school. I love it. Thanks for sharing.

[tobyfreefoot]

just in from having a couple epidurals. sorry to see new people and become aware of older members. so sad.

dee-i also had a night of nightmares

went by and straightened up everything at the cemetery. we had some heavy rain and all those cardboard tubes from the fourth were having some trouble but it all looks good again now.

love to you all. i'm hoping to feel better in a few days and will be able to keep up with things a little better.

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....am sorry....I tried to watch your video of your SONshine boy...just couldn't do it....I tried to watch Laurie's of her SONshine...I guess I just relate too much....or the 'osmosis' of it all makes me incapable....hope you are feeling better....what is the problem..?? Back problems..?? Well....it is a no brainer....when people go through the grief....they can manifest very physical problems...