Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora...It has not been cold in many places in Canada this past while. In fact there have been record breaking highs in many places last week. Toronto was in the mid to high teens last week....which is approximately mid fifties to sixties. We, as per usual... are situated smack dab in the middle of the country... and as we live on a lake we often have what is called the lake effect.November can bring cloudy and dull skies with early snow. This year was unusual for us. The temps are colder then normal and snow arrived earlier then we usually have. Most of our friends are leaving to go south after the holidays. Guess that is why they are called snowbirds. Yes, I have decorated for Christmas in most of the house. Still have the tree to put up which I will not do until December. Today I put up my Dickens Village on the mantelpiece with a garland that lights up around the border. It adds a touch of cheer.

Becky... I like your poster very much. Good to see you again.

Brenda...glad you got those meds! Hope they kick in soon and you will be feeling better soon. Sorry to see that family issues are still causing stress. Thinking of you.

Thinking of everyone. Take care.

Kate

[aim630]

Thanks Lora. Today she would be 26, hard to believe. Her boyfriend's mom texted me. I wonder if they would have been married by now.

The volunteering was kind of a bust, no one showed up, but usually everyone waits until the last minute. I did pull a 12 year old named Ashley off the tree, and we got her a nice MP3 player. Ashley loved music, and had her iPod attached to her at all times, so we thought it was fitting.

Hope everyone had the best holiday they could under the circumstances, especially those of you going through your first Thanksgiving without your angel.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[daveydow1]

Hello to all Indigos........I haven't been here for a day or so....(computer problems).

I hope that they are fixed now....with the help of some expert techs which took

2 full hours....from my antivirus software support co. (expensive, too ).

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY,.......SWEET ASHLEY ANGEL.

Amy---thinking of you and sending prayers.

Dee----Yes,...I agree with you on trying to cope and navigate this rough road

after a beloved child has left this world too soon. It definitely is a new format

for which we have no directions. It's never easy, but we must somehow find

our way.....a little bit at a time.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

ASHLEY Dear, Happy Heavenly Birthday. This will always be a day that holds your Momma's heart and hers holds you. A special day that brought you face to face, cheek to cheek. You will always be her Dear Daughter Ashley.

Party with the kids will you? Play some of your favorite music nice and loud and dance with the angels all.

Amy, sorry this is not huge lettering and colorful, my access to color and options has disappeared in the last two days. Odd, I see others are using color. Anyhow, I pray you are well and I am glad that you picked a girl named Ashley for a special gift. Makes my heart smile.

[ericasmom]

Found my color...ASHLEY-ASHLEY-ASHLEY!

Lora, no, Jonathan was not able to talk about Erica much at all-he only put forth the effort there when we were involved with the lawyers and being deposed by AMTRAK, otherwise, Erica and her death were a topic that was taboo almost. I would bring her up in a memory of some sort but he might get extremely quiet with it, or even make excuses to leave. I never stopped talking about her, but limited how much I talked about her when he was present. Each year in July, we have a big gathering in her name and he was always more able on that day as well. He was 21 when Eri died. She was 19. His friends stayed very close to him, watching over him, letting him know that they were there. In the last two years he has brought up memories or asked questions that involved he and Eri? My heart flutters when he does, allowing his ache to move aside a bit and make room for the good memories again. Now at age 31 and married, he is feeling more balanced I think, more able.

It is said that when a Child loses a sibling, they lose the witness to their own life. It is so. How is your Son doing?

[BrendaDup59]

Manny, I am glad yesterday was a better day for you. I agree with you that addiction is a disease, just keep remembering the happy memories and the great person that Christopher was. You loved him unconditional; you were there for him in his times of need. As a parent, we would have gladly taken their place if we could. Just remember to take it day by day, one step at a time.

Kate, I am glad the tea fundraiser for the church went well. Too bad the weather did not cooperate, I am not sure I could survive in Canada, it just sounds so cold. Try to stay warm. How are the Griswold’s Christmas lights? Are you turning them on yet?

Shelly, I am sorry for the loss of your daughter, also. I have worked two jobs since 2003, so I am used to it. I think keeping busy is good as long as you allow yourself time to grieve, which I do, if you don’t take time it will eventually surface at some point in your life. Nice to meet you, too.

Dee, I am sure you were thankful to have your family together on Sunday. I was just wondering, out of curiosity, did you and Jon talk about Eri at all. I know you said he has recently just started bring her up.

Becky, nice poster, as always. How are you doing? How was your holiday?

Brenda, Glad you are feeling better. I am sorry that you are still having problems with your son, Brett. Do you think this is caused from his grief from losing his brother?

Try to stay warm and have a nice day,

Lora

Hi Lora,

as for my son Brett, ever since he met and married Sarah he has changed and not for the better, he has been distancing himself for years and just always seemed angry at us ,his wife I feel has been the influence she never liked us and I think he stays away to keep the piece ,the day we lost Brian we were sitting on my moms front porch and he said that Brian always got on to him for not calling or coming over , I just looked at him, do I think his anger is grief NO , I think he feels bad for treating Brian the way he did Brian would have done anything for Brett, it breaks my heart to know Brian died wanting the love and respect from his father and brother and never got it. .I thought losing Brian would have brought Brett and I closer and it didn't , so in a since I lost both my sons and that is so hard to except. But losing Brian is by far the worst most devastating thing to happen to me I was very close to Brian he valued family . Brett has made the choice to walk away from us and I guess someday I will have to except it. I am sorry to have bothered everyone with this but it is so hard. Thanks for asking . Brenda.

[ericasmom]

Brenda, you are not bothering anyone, you are speaking of your life and your heartache. We are here, you need to speak of things such as theseWe all need to know that what we say here is heard and felt by everyone else. We feel your pain Dear, and wish we could make it right.

[mikesmomrs]

Amy, I am so sorry I was not here yesterday to wish your sweet Ashley a happy birthday...I hope that you felt her presence and were able to fill your heart with the sweet memories of her, beginning with that very first time you held her...what a beautiful day that was, and you have it in your memory...FOREVER. ASHLEY...ASHLEY...ASHLEY....I hope that our angels surrounded you and celebrated your birthday...happy birthday sweet girl, baby of Amy, Ashley forever.

[mikesmomrs]

BRENDA...I too am so very sorry about how Brett is acting, as well. I wish that things could be different for you and your family. I must say that I agree with Dee, please do not feel bad about coming here to vent about this problem...that is why we are here. We do need to speak of these things along this path we are on, the path of healing. I have come on and talked about how much I miss my husband, and everyone has been so receptive and comforting to me as I go through this new terrible journey and try to heal from this new loss, as well as the loss of our son. We are here to comfort one another, to help each other heal. Please don't hesitate to come and be with us, talk with us, vent, and allow yourself to receive the comfort and understanding offered here. Holding you close and sending strength and love.

[shorty16]

Kate

Record high temperatures!!!

We are freezing here in Wisconsin. 13 degrees this morning (I do not know the conversion).

Send some warmth our way!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[daveydow1]

Brenda----I'm sorry that your son, Brett, has grown further from you

after Brian's passing. It is likely that his wife influences his decisions.

Family dynamics can often be complex and cause sadness. I am sorry

that this is the case for you. Peace & comfort.

Amy-----The girl named Ashley will no doubt be excited to get the gift

of the MP3 player you got for her. I know that it must be so bittersweet

for you. Wishing you peace & comfort.

Carol----Good to see Mike's smile. You have my heart as you navigate this new

loss path..... the path you have been on for this long time because of young Mike

leaving the world too soon, and now mourning Ralph's passing so recently.

May your dear memories of father and son bring you some measure of comfort.

Sending prayers.

Kate-----Your Dickens village decorating the mantel sounds so nice, and

adds some cheer to the home. I have not done any decorating as of yet. I'm

one to wait til about the week before Christmas. We don't do any outside

decorating of the yard.....no one out here in the rural area does that sort of

decorating. We have a very large lighted wreath that we hang on the front

porch.....there's a handy plug nearby. Not sure what the Christmas tree will

be this year.....the large one, or the small one. Like to have one up especially

for the grandies when they come. We stopped having one after Dave died...

for about 5 yrs. or so.

Colleen-----BRrrrrr....13 degrees !! Stay warm.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[tobyfreefoot]

i am so glad to have a marker up for forest so he is no longer in a lonely unmarked grave and it has many places to decorate as that is all that i can do for him now however i am filled with a scary emptiness i don't want to look at. i have been working on this memorial so long and it has kept me busy doing something for him and now........................................................................................

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................there is this big hole in my family and heart and i don't know how this is going to work. can someone tell me?

will post more pics later

[Guest]

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[tobyfreefoot]

brenda i wrote you a long message then accidentally deleted it. i will try again later.

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

Gretchen, the marker is gorgeous, a work of pure heart and art. As far as falling flat after the high energy to get the piece installed, it was sure to come. It comes to us all whether it be the work on the marker, or the work to find justice...we fall flat, even below flat, we fall down down down that old rabbit hole. Don't despair Gretchen, we know you will find the light again and come up to the surface, but for now, you are in the depths. It is where we land when we realize our battle for something is done. What then will we have to occupy ourselves and stay busy with a cause? We find things to work on and work for after we sink into the hole for a while. I promise you that you will come up again, and you may even have ideas that come to you while in the blues, those catacombs. I will post a song called Catacombs, it speaks to the depths that we find ourselves at times in this journey. I know it feels that htere is nothing more to do, but there is, there will be, you will see. For now, let yourself feel the brunt of this as there is no way around it right now. When our battle int he courts ended, when we after 4 years had to stop due to the way the courts were dealing with things in Michigan, my former husband, Michael, felt so sad. He felt that at least he could be fighting for Eri, keeping her alive in a sense. He sunk very low after that. I myself, felt ready to be done fighting, it was time. We are all of us different, get rest when you can, eat some food, drink plenty of fluids, and let it out.

[shellyku]

HAPPY BELATED HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY!!!

I hope the music was loud and everyone danced and danced. Amy, my heart to you

as you passed this marker in time.

[briansdad]

I hope everyone survived the Thanksgiving holiday. We had turkey legs left over because that was Brian's favorite part. As I often do, here is a song my daughter showed me. She's missing her big brother. He has continued to visit my wife and me by turning on our TV in our bedroom while we try to sleep.

[ericasmom]

Catacombs by Poi dog Pondering, one of my favorite band from Chicago

[Guest]

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[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Dee and Greg for the music. I do remember Blake mentioning it on The Voice. It is a real tearjerker for me. Beautifully done but just hits to the core somehow with the raw emotion.

Gretchen...you most definitely gave it your very best effort in preparing a beautiful memorial for your precious boy. Just lovely!

Lora...how are you holding up after the weekend of mad shoppers? Was it crazy? We are holding our Midnight Madness event this coming Friday night in our small town. There will be carolers dressed in victorian costume. All the little shops decorate and serve eggnog and warmed cider. There will be sleigh rides and a large bonfire by the dock. Free hot dogs and drinks for the kids. There will be the lighting of the town Christmas Tree by the water and a lantern release over the lake. It is always a ton of fun and a great way to get into the spirit. The weather will actually be perfect by then. Some would almost think Santa lived here!

Brenda...hope your cold has improved.

Take care everyone.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Dee and Greg-----Thanks for the songs. They are so haunting & lovely.

Lora-----Thanks for your kind words. As far as the computer is concerned,

I sure hope that it holds up since I don't have the cash for another one

right now..........so far so good since the "Fix" process thru the anti-virus

company. I sure do understand the way this lousy journey we're on can

be scary........especially early on the road.....first several years even.

Kate----

The Christmas festivities in your small town sound just lovely.

Everyone must enjoy themselves, and really get into the spirit of

Christmas. The stores & shops sound very nice, and the sleigh rides

will be an added touch. The whole thing sounds magical.

Gretchen-----Forest's headstone is so nice and artfully unique. It is so

understandable that you have such an empty place in your heart without

your dear Forest. A parent's heart just longs and yearns for the dear child.

Just hang on, Gretchen....It's not easy, that's for sure....as everyone here can attest to.

But your memories of your son, and signs from him as you go along can warm your

heart and give you strength. Sending thoughts and prayers, friend.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[shellyku]

Dee and Greg - As Sherry pointed out, the songs were both beautiful. I believe Dee posted Catacombs

before but I've never heard Miranda's song before...so descriptive of our feelings.

Kate - your little town celebration sounds like a Christmas card come to life. Enchanting.

Lora - I noticed you're from Pennsylvania, so am I. I wonder how far apart or close together we live?!

Gretchen - Forest's headstone is just beautiful. Sarah's husband picked hers out and he chose

a truly beautiful one, simple but lovely. Still hard to go there though and see it .

Hope everyone has a peaceful night with sweet dreams of their angels. Shelly

[BrendaDup59]

I just wanted to thank everyone for your comments about Brett I am just going to have to except this some how, but honestly I don't think I ever will.I am still feeling bad, I am not getting much sleep because of coughing I almost have to sleep sitting up . really frustrating when I have so much to do I have not even started putting up my Christmas and that takes me 2 weeks to do... oh well

Hope everyone is doing OK. Thanks again Love Brenda

[aim630]

Thanks everyone for Ashley's birthday wishes.

Dee-I am using my iPad, and never can figure out how to change the color or font. Glad you had a good time in the city.

Gretchen-Forest's headstone is beautiful. Hang in there. Wish I had better advice.

Kate-Your town's celebration sounds charming! I hope you have a good time.

Greg-That song just brings tears to my eyes. My daughter Katie had it on her iPod, and has quoted some of the lyrics on her twitter account.

Brenda-I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your son Brett, and that you don't feel well. We had a bad cold and it seems like it took forever for the coughing to stop. I hope you feel better soon. I have the tree up, but none of the other decorations. It's hard to get excited about decorating now.

Sherry-Hope your computer continues to keep working. Thanks for the words of encouragement you give to everyone.

[ericasmom]

You are right Shelly, when we get a new group of parents here, I always put that song up.

Kate, enjoy the village celebrations this weekend. It sounds so quaint, so peaceful.

Amy, the far left button just over the B for Bold lettering is where I finally was able to enable my color button again.

Brenda, that cold is nothing to take lightly as you know. Don't be too hard on yourself, your body needs time to heal with this. Several folks have had pneumonia recently after suffering that cold. Are you nwarm tea and honey?You will get the decorations up, and maybe you don't want all of them up this year. Maybe your little guy can help with some of it. Brett will have to figure out his role in your life it seems. It is terribly sad. I am sorry that he can not see his way clear to joining in with you and the family. I think that one day he will find his way back to being involved again, and he will realize with clarity why he made these choices.

Greg, such a pretty song, sad and familiar. Turkey legs for your Boy hu? My Girl, the wishbone to dry and save for the next day.

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=gSRUj31mTF4&feature=endscreen

This is the song that has long been my favorite for the holidays, and our school puts on a wonderful winter show the day before we leave for our break. So before eri died, I asked the music teacher if this song would be one our whole third grade could sing...he asked for a cd of it and I gave it to him. this was June of 2003. He likes to plan ahead. so then ERi was killed, and while I forgot about doing that song, he did not. He secretly had the kids practice that song, one of my students, who was /is a genius and musician extrordinare even in third grade. He developed the violin parts by practicing each night at home. The kids generally do three songs each year in the show. I actually knew that they were doing this because I overheard them practicing. But the day of the show, Mr. Jacobson spoke gently to the whole crowd, he said: As most of you know, Lincoln lost a former student this past summer and that person was Ms. Conmy's daughter, Erica Reith. It is in her memory that we play and sing this song...

I bent in sobs and grateful heart. Most adults were crying.

[tobyfreefoot]

in sunlight i cannot lose the shadows. only in darkness am i free-but who does not want to live in the sun?

[ericasmom]

One day the sun will warm you again. And one day those shadows will comfort you.

[517958]

Hello all Indigos

It's been a while since I posted anything but I come often to read. I'm sorry for all the new people. It makes me sad to remember back to last year at this time with the loss of Charlotte so fresh and still being in such terrible shock. Now I am trying to get through another round of holidays without her and it's in some ways harder than the first. Now it is more real and therefore devastating. I started crying a few days before Thanksgiving and really haven’t stopped much – only just to do the things I have to do to care for my surviving children, my husband and my home. I thought I would want to listen to Christmas music this year (formerly one of my most favorite things about Christmas) but it’s all very irritating to me now. Losing a child has stolen so much away from me above and beyond that precious little girl. Probably the reason I don’t post much is because I still feel too selfish and sad to be able to help anyone else but I do feel the sorrow at the losses I see on this site every day. I’m still hoping to get to a place where I can help others or at the very least, be able to see some blessings from this but I’m just not there yet. I will try to remain patient for that.

[daveydow1]

Angela-----Good to see your post and Char's sweet face. Thinking of you

as the Christmas season is upon us. It's so difficult, ...I know. Peace to you.

Amy-----

I imagine that Katy will soon be coming home from OU for the

Christmas break, won't she? My computer seems to be O.K......at least

'half--O.K'. You know how they can be such a headache when they're not

working right or when they have problems?.... NO FUN....

Dee----Thanks for the song. It must have been so bittersweet when the

students sang the song dedicated to dear ERi. Definitely when the tears

would fall.

Gretchen---

Thanks for the saying you posted. So inspiring and true.

Brenda-----

Hoping that you will be able to get some good rest.

Lora----Do you work in retail? I know that it must be stressful at this time of

year........ especially with the extended hours the stores are having...some

open 24 hrs. I've not been in any stores yet, and don't usually go til the

last minute. I do feel for the people working at the stores, though. My son,

Dave, had worked a short stint at a discount store,....he hated it, and didn't

stay there long, but was an employee during the Christmas madness time.

He quit when he got into the computer field. Hope that you can somehow find a way

to find peace & relaxation whenever you're off work. I know it's hard though.

I, too, worked at the big discount stores...also for a short time...then went

into nursing. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

Sherry yes, the song and the circumstances made my heart so full. I have told this story before so forgive my telling it again each year folks, each year there are new parents and as they prepare for the first holiday season, I retell ours. That song, 2000 miles came on while I was in a store last week, and the tears fell. I have always been a crier, I was a crier even as a child. Beautiful music, talented stage productions, the voices of children singing, people winning something big...all of these and more have always made me cry. I was the joke of my family as a kid because I was so easy to tears. I am very easy to tears still, and more so since Eri left.

Sherry, you are probably having some of our weather tomorrow, which is warm for this late date in November and sunny.

Angela, so good to see you. I know that the second set of holidays can seem even more devastating than the first in some ways but eventually the holidays will feel like a good time again, finding different ways to celebrate them might help. I keep you in my prayers.

[shellyku]

Dee - 2000 Miles...CHILLS! I can understand how that moved you when played by the kids.

Angela - so good to see you! This being our third Christmas without Sarah is a bit easier

than the first two. It could have a lot to do with the fact that we have a baby girl to focus

on, our younger daughter Jill has a 7 month old daughter. I pray the spirit of the Holidays

will permeate your soul.

Lora - not far at all. We've made many a trip to Penn State...precious memories. Maybe

one day we could meet.

Sherry - computers and I don't get along very well. If not for my sons-in-law and my daughter

I wouldn't know how to do anything.

Amy - hope all is well.

Must get ready for work...ughhh! Prayers for a peaceful day to each and every one of you!

Shelly

[Guest]

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[daveydow1]

Shellyku-----I get frustrated with computers when they don't respond

right....I learned a good bit about them in work, and from my son,

Dave, who was a tech in the internet field. It's good that you have

your family for backup help.

Dee----Yes....it's to get around 60 degrees this weekend. Some rain

in the forcast. You mentioned shedding tears easily. I've always been

the opposite. When I graduated from high school, classmates (girls)

were all crying. I didn't cry.......all I wanted to do was get out of there.

Not much to say tonight.....so I'll sign off for now.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi Indigos,

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, just really been feeling very tired, and sad. Trying to wrap up the year in Pop Warner Football, and packing things up for new administrators to take over. Nine years this year, and five of them spent with our son, Jared. It was really hard this year, seeing those young boys so full of life and potential, and remembering all the time spent with Jared, and how full of life he was, and how much potential he had for greatness.

We haven't put up any Christmas decorations. Last year, I guess we were on autopilot, because we did decorate inside and out pretty much the same as before October 3, 2011, when we lost our 15 year old son, Jared. I decorated the tree with as many pictures of him as I could find and print. Our daughter, Jasmine, 22, and stil living here at home with us, says she could care less this year either. Everybody is kinda on the fence about it.

I am still forgetful of things, and just feel like I want all responsibilities to go away, so I could just sleep, hibernate, something. I am tired of waking up to the same reality day after day.

[Sholl1955]

Lora, I am sorry your coworker hurt you today. And it does hurt when people expect us to be over something as traumatic and life changing as losing our child. They just do not understand at all the depth that this pain goes and is unlike any other loss we have experienced. You are a caring person and it hurts when people that we have helped out turn on us when we are at our lowest. And you would probably help her again if she needed it. My boss asked me after 3 weeks if I was over Sarah now. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!! They don't know we will never get over it and certainly not this early. I hope they never have to understand.

My Sarah's birthday is tomorrow. It is her 34th. I never dreamed 34 years ago when we were blessed with her in our family that we would lose her so soon. In fact I never thought of losing her, just took for granted her dad and I would go first. Like everyone else here I am sure. I have been dreading this day. She has been gone 9 months now and the vast difference between the joy and anticipation in the 9 months I carried her under my heart, to the past 9 months of heartache pain and loss is so evident.

My thoughts and prayers are for everyone on this site.

Sandy

[Sholl1955]

Lora, I am sorry your coworker hurt you today. And it does hurt when people expect us to be over something as traumatic and life changing as losing our child. They just do not understand at all the depth that this pain goes and is unlike any other loss we have experienced. You are a caring person and it hurts when people that we have helped out turn on us when we are at our lowest. And you would probably help her again if she needed it. My boss asked me after 3 weeks if I was over Sarah now. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!! They don't know we will never get over it and certainly not this early. I hope they never have to understand.

My Sarah's birthday is tomorrow. It is her 34th. I never dreamed 34 years ago when we were blessed with her in our family that we would lose her so soon. In fact I never thought of losing her, just took for granted her dad and I would go first. Like everyone else here I am sure. I have been dreading this day. She has been gone 9 months now and the vast difference between the joy and anticipation in the 9 months I carried her under my heart, to the past 9 months of heartache pain and loss is so evident.

My thoughts and prayers are for everyone on this site.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Lora, I agree with Sandy, that was a truly heartless thing to say to you. I wish folks could hear the way they sound. I don't know if you were told, but many years ago now, we kind of started a collection of really stupid or awkward things that people say to us in our grief. many are well meaning but some are not. This one from your co-worker can be put in our collection that one day might be a book called: Oh No You Did Not Just Say That!

I hope that she finds a way to apologize, to mend a break in the friendship. this was a bad day, but it might be that you will feel better tomorrow. You know that your heart is true, we only wish others would use the same kind of goodness in their actions.

Sandy, it will be hard tomorrow but chances are the days leading up to tomorrow are even harder. If you are able tomorrow, do something that Sarah would have liked to do. She will be with you when you do.

Becky, the harsh light of day. That is what the holiday season can be when faced with the pressure of trying to change things while grieving. The three of you need a break perhaps. Maybe a change of scenery for a day or two. Some place that can renew your spirit.

[JD99501]

So whats it like dealing with a loss?

Like a tree covered in moss

The wind the moon the sky

They all fly by

The rain pours

drips drops

thunder clops

drip drop

drip drop

I moan and groan

still feeling like stone

The sun has finally shone

The birds land lightly in my branches

I say nothing fearing to take chances

They feed thier yound and have fun

I feel Done,stunned, and spun

Fire one day will consume

I presume

I will smell my sweet perfume

Ash and smoke

and then I will choke.

smoke.....smoke....smoke

But this only a dream

you know what I mean?

~JD

[JD99501]

What happen to me one day

I opened the door

what so happened to be dead on the floor

I looked and gasped

gosh I wish it was my last

I paced back and forth in confusion

my mind filled with fusion

What do I do?

I am alone

not knowing who to call on the phone

police fire who can help me

I can hardly see

Police and ambulances everywhere

it just isnt fair

I heard the wheels across the tile

That goes into the permenant file

one last look before I fell

back into hell

what do I do now where do I go

Police say don't leave him alone

Preacher came my eyes fixed nobdies home

on my knees puking

my head slamming on the counter rebuking

Everything is creaking

everyones speaking

my eyes blurry, teared, and freaking

It keeps getting worse creeping!

The cops keeping asking for my name and ID

Don't you guys speak to each other,damn its free

sssssss(sharp inhale)

Theyve taken him hes gone

Wrap me up and throw me away

I still say that till this day

~JD

SUDEP killed my son........tick,tock, knocked the clock..I answer," Did you already come in?"

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

SARAH

SARAH

SARAH

Fly freely Sweet Birthday Child of Sandy, touch your Mom today with your forever love, give her a sense of your peace and sprinkle angel magic on your Children. Everyone misses you Girly, and you will always be their Daughter, Mother, Friend, and Beloved.

Sandy, to knowing how hard this first of many feel, we are holding you close.

[shorty16]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Sarah

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever

[BrendaDup59]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Sarah...

[ericasmom]

JD, the ache in your poetry is a strong expression of your broken heart. I had to look up SUDEP to find it is sudden death from Epilepsy, so so sad. I am sorry JD. Keep writing, keep unwinding the thread that makes knots in your spirit, let it out as many ways as you can and eventually, you will be able to rewind that ball of yarn and see it as a timeline of your Sweet Child's life, it will be a touchstone to that magical person who will always reside in your heart.

[jennifersmom]

I ha

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, SARAH!!!

JD, those were my son Jared's initials, and what we called him most of his young life. J.D. for Jared Daniel. I am so sorry for your pain, JD, my son was also 15 when he was killed.

I too wrote poems. Quite a few dealing with those first horrible moments that are seared into our memories. Lately, I don't dwell as much on those moments as much, but just feel incredibly sad that he isn't here, that I can't talk to him, hug him, tell him I love him, and have him tell me that he loves me. We always went back and forth with that, I love you, I love you more, I love you infinity, and then I love you infinity and there would be something added on top, like love you infinity with a boxer puppy on top, etc., just hard to feel excited or happy about anything when he's not here to be a part of it.