Loss of an Adult Child

[Sholl1955]

Oh my, this is so goofy. I thought there was something wrong with my computer. Today is a beautiful day outside so I need to take my husband and do something outside. I would rather just stay in and avoid everyone but know that is not good either. Still on the job search. Looking for a job after 20 years at the same place is overwhelming and at times discouraging. I had no choice but to make these changes and know I did the right thing, however most everyone else, family and friends included feel it was the wrong decision and no one offered any suggestions to come up with another idea. Oh well one day at a time. Rant over, now on to see what the day will bring.

Hope today is a restful one to all.

Sandy

[Guest]

...

[Jeff's Mom]

Can't say I particularly like this new forum. Perhaps it will just take some time to get used to. The weather is just horrible. Blowing snow and lots of it! We have already shoveled twice and there is another six inches on the deck. It was a good day to dig in and get things done at home. We are just settling in to watch a movie and it is warm and cozy. Thinking of everyone that is new to this journey. Colleen...hoping you are feeling a bit better these past couple of days. Take care everyone.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Okay, I have a terrible visual memory, what has changed on this site in the last day? I am not seeing it...I have not liked the new gallery, that to me has been a disappointment, but I am not seeing a new look here.

Kate, stay cozy, sounds like a good thing. Let the winds blow and the snow gather, you and Hubby can sleep in and drink hot tea or cocoa in the morning.

Lora, let us know about the benefit. How very sweet of the boys to do such a thing. How has your Son been since Cara died? Is he able to talk about it with you? Does he reach out? Obviously he is able to take some action in this benefit which sounds like a very healthy way to step forward in his grief.

Col, how are you? The wind is roaring here, really whistling. It got ot almost 70 degrees today, crazy since on Monday it is supposed to be 35. So the sky changed all day long, dark and then dappled sunlight and then dark again with brilliant sunlight, rain and thunder but then cleared up and now furious wind.

Sleep well to All, may there be sweet dreams.

[tobyfreefoot]

everything looks the same to me too dee.

the wind has gone crazy here.

having some blue moments

anybody else get constant reminders from their brain saying "my child is dead" when you are busy doing something. i'm so sad and sorry we all are so sad. love you guys thanks so much for being here

yikes just looked at the gallery don't even know where to start

[Guest]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

Okay, I have a terrible visual memory, what has changed on this site in the last day? I am not seeing it...I have not liked the new gallery, that to me has been a disappointment, but I am not seeing a new look here.

Kate, stay cozy, sounds like a good thing. Let the winds blow and the snow gather, you and Hubby can sleep in and drink hot tea or cocoa in the morning.

Lora, let us know about the benefit. How very sweet of the boys to do such a thing. How has your Son been since Cara died? Is he able to talk about it with you? Does he reach out? Obviously he is able to take some action in this benefit which sounds like a very healthy way to step forward in his grief.

Col, how are you? The wind is roaring here, really whistling. It got ot almost 70 degrees today, crazy since on Monday it is supposed to be 35. So the sky changed all day long, dark and then dappled sunlight and then dark again with brilliant sunlight, rain and thunder but then cleared up and now furious wind.

Sleep well to All, may there be sweet dreams.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Can't post any pictures, and the type box is about 2" wide. I am afraid we are going to lose a lot of members posting. Can someone fix this??

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, yesterday the site appeared to change for me. I now have to type into a small box. There is no way to add colour or size of letters. The person posting has all of their info come up along with the post.

Lora....thinking of you today on Cara's special day.

Kate

[ericasmom]

CARA

CARA

CARA

May this heavenly birthday find you flying free, sending love to your Mom and Brother and friends, letting them feel your peace. Play and dance and sing with our Angels to ring in this very special date.

Lora, I know the difficulties of spending your Daughter's birthday in as positive way as you can...it will always be the date that sent your heart to the moon and back. A wonderful day.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thinking of you today, Lora! CARA CARA CARA!!

[Guest]

Putting off two sky lanterns tonight.

[ericasmom]

Lora, the lanterns touch the soul with their beauty, the lightness of being. Thank you for sending our Babies' names with the lantern. Flying high and free. Thank you. I will always love seeing my Girl's name written, remembered, and spoken. How was the day, how are you today?

[tobyfreefoot]

Putting off two sky lanterns tonight one for Cara and one for all of our angels. One picture is what it will look like going up. I gave friends and family some and the put them off last night at midnight.

Try to get a picture of it going up tonight.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARA!!

Lora thank you so much for your thoughtfulness! it meant so much to see Forest's name on the lantern.

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora, thanks for sending the lantern for our angels. They look lovely!

The snow finally stopped and so we were able to make it to church and the Rememberance Day Celebrations. They were very nicely done and really touching.

Will not be posting for a bit. Off to the city tomorrow with my hubby and will not be on for the week. Take care and thinking of everyone.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Kate, may the time in the city and going through the process of tests be kind to you both. Prayers.

Someone wished me a good three day weekend, but we do not have tomorrow off. When Veteran's Day lands on a weekend, we do not get a day off. I hope everyone is well. The wind here is amazinly strong, ushering in cold temps later after two days of spring-like temps.

[Guest]

Here are the pictures from our angels sky lanterns.  May you have sweet dreams of your angel. I believe they are celebrating together tonight. I will post about the benefit and the day tomorrow.

.

[ericasmom]

Lora, what a lovely set of photos, you almost feel them brushing past you. Tell Jared he did a great job with the photos adn thanks for sharing.

Be well Everyone.

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora, beautiful pictures. How lovely!

Dee, thanks. It is a wonderful evening. The ground is covered in about a foot and a half of freshly fallen snow. It is shining like a billion stars with the lights. So perfect and pure. This afternoon late a flock of geese flew over. There had to be hundreds! It was amazing. Oh, how I lopve living in the country. Fresh air and being at one with nature.

Take care everyone and I am holding all of you close to my heart. Stay strong.

Love, Kate

[mikesmomrs]

Yes the site is acting weird...so glad i checked it with my phone...i too thought something was wrong with my pc. keep getting a msg from norton security that grieving.com's signature "matches the signature of a known attack." i' ve had to shell oit lots of money previously to get a virus pff my computer (not anything to do with BI or grieving.com those times) so i am realy leary when norton s ays somethong is wrong. i cant see very well to type on this phone so woll just send my love to all and have a good nitr. plse ignore any errors in this post. lora...thinking of u and ur sweet Cara. thank u for thinking of our angels. hope the site is fixed soon.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

<3

[Guest]

....

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Lora, the event sounds so touching. I know what you mean about being used to giving but not receiving .What a great amount of money and how nice that your Girl is thought of so dearly. This is a new life,tears will always be a part of it, Cara gets it, she knows why they have to fall. My Son handles things surrounding his Sis more like your Mitch. He has however, been more able to bring up ERi's name lately. We are facing our tenth holiday season without her, hard to fathom. Hard to say.

[daveydow1]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY.......ANGEL CARA. SMILE DOWN AND

WARM YOUR MOM'S HEART, AND THE HEARTS OF ALL WHO LOVE YOU.

Lora----Thanks so much for setting off the sky lanterns for our angels of BI.

I bet they all smiled when they saw them.

Not too much to say tonight. I'm so glad they got this format fixed.....hated

the way it looked when it was out of order. It looked so 'industrial' somehow.

Dee----

It was in the 60's this a.m. but later in the day it started to rain, and the

temps are falling. Yep---you're right.....we love to hear our dear children's names.

Makes us know that they are always with us forevermore.

Carol---

Good to see Mike's dear smile.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[JD's Mom, Becky]

My husband, Jerry, and Jared when he was about 2 years old, always wanting to be just like his daddy! Jerry retired from US Army National Guard in 2005, 2 1/2 active duty, 22 years total, finishing his career in the Guard.

& my dad, Pop Pop Bill, before his retirement from US Army National Guard, 12 years active in the Navy, and then finished his time for retirement in the Guard. This soldier is now 84 years young.

Happy Veterans Day to all, and thank you for your service!

[ModKonnie]

Hi all,

I am sorry there seems to be some weird technical issues that pop up here and there lately. We've received several reports, and we are looking into them. If anyone knows how to take a screen shot of the messages, the unusual looking view, or any other problem, please send that in an email or private message to me. It would be very helpful.

My email is konnie@beyondindigo.com

Thank you all for being here,

ModKonnie

[ericasmom]

Thanks Konnie for your help. You probably had many emails and we appreciate your personal touch in handling things.

Sherry, I did not want to tell you what was coming your way today. We went from near 70 degrees yesterday to the 20's in the night. Today the high was 36, but I kind of like that if the wind wasn't still so strongly blowing. Bundle up Girlfriend.

Carol, how are things? How are the boys? Are you gathering for the holiday with Cathi and the kids? I know it will be so different but those boys will reflect the amazing unity of you and Ralph.

Becky, thanks for the photos of your Jerry and your Pop. Boy does that little JD look like his Daddy in that photo.

My regards and my respect to those who served and serve our country through the military. God Bless and God Speed.

[aim630]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Cara!

Lora-I loved your sky lanterns in remembrance of Cara and all our angels. I don't post here much, so I didn't't expect to see Ashley's name, but thanks for remembering her. I know it had to be difficult for you, but I believe Cara was smiling in Heaven! I'm glad they raised some money for you at the benefit for expenses, and I think Cara is proud of you for helping to rescue the dog.

Ashley's 26th birthday is 2 wks from today, 11-26. Her 3rd in heaven, and she was in a coma in 2009, on her 23rd birthday. I just realized Ashley's 1st birthday, 11-26-87, was on Thanksgiving Day, and her last on this earth, 11-26-09 was also on Thanksgiving Day, although she was hooked up to machines and unconscious. Katie's first birthday was on Easter (4-4-94), and her first birthday after Ashley died, 4-4-10, when she turned 17 was also on Easter. Weird...

I took 11-26 off, and that evening I'm volunteering at the Salvation Army Giving Tree. I love doing that, and will pick a child off the tree in honor of Ashley.

Also, today at the eye dr's (my first visit ever, never worn glasses, and now I need bifocals!) the girl helping me (well she would be 26 now, not really a girl) was an old acquaintance of Ashley's. I recognized her, because of her name, but she probably didn't know who I was. She would have known Ashley's name, but I didn't ask her.

We had to put our old golden retriever down last week. She could hardly stand and walk, and would not eat at all. Sad, but I've been through a million times worse, as you all have.

Thinking of you all, and praying for Kate's husband.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[aim630]

Forgot to say Becky, thanks to your husband and dad, and all other Veterans who served our country. Jared was adorable, and such beautiful eyes!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks, Amy! Don't feel bad about the eyesight, I am supposed to be wearing the bifocals too, but I hardly ever do.

Lora, I meant to thank you for sending up the lanterns to all our angels, brought a tear to my eye to see my JD's name there. So special of you to do, thanks! I hope all our angels were celebrating with your Cara!

The weather here is supposed to be a lot cooler tomorrow and the rest of the week. It was nearly 70 for the last several days.

Thank you Konnie, for getting this site back up to par, that was a bit disconcerting. I was afraid it was lost to us, and nobody would know how to communicate.

In case anything else unforeseen happens.... I love and appreciate all of you!! ((Hugs)).

[ericasmom]

Oh Goodness, those pups are gorgeous, so cute, each with its own personality. Mom looks a bit tired, and yes, I bet that they are keeping you busy.

Funny.

[Sholl1955]

Lora,

Thank you so much for sending the sky lanterns for our children. I was really honored to see Sarah's name on there. Where do you get the sky lanterns. Sarah's birthday is Dec. 1st and I would like to send one up then.

Something was terribly wrong yesterday, I literally cried all day. I was able to not cry when I was around my grandaughters while they were with us to celebrate my husbands birthday for about an hour and a half. Other than that, I couldn't stop. With his dementia he was not aware of the tears. Today I am teary to. Am going to have lunch with a friend in an hour and a half, so will see how that goes. Don't feel well physically but think it is due to the tears. Oh my. Usually am more in control than this. Thank you to the administration of this site for fixing the site . Sandy

[Guest]

.

[shorty16]

Lora

I did that one year with helium balloons.

I went through the posts and wrote the kids name, how old they were and where they were from.

It was truly a wonderful (but very sad) sight.

Thanks for remembering us.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Cold and raining here today, and everything makes me want to cry, and I have...

I keep thinking back to that night, and wondering why I couldn't cry or scream... I was calm... I prayed... I comforted, now I am falling apart at the seams. I want all responsibilities to melt away, so that I can have the nervous breakdown to which I am entitled. Am I losing my mind?

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Yep,...we got what you had also with the weather. It's now dreary,

cold, and cloudy during the day. Since the EST time change, it's dark at about 5 p.m.

I guess it'll take awhile to get used to it all. We were at the mall today.......all the

stores are loaded to the rafters with Christmas decorations and merchandise,

but then they've been in this mode for a month already. At a yard goods store,

I saw Thanksgiving decorations for 70% Off., and it's not even here yet. I didn't

buy anything .....just in a down mood, and annoyed with all the early hype for

the holiday season. At the mall, I found a comfortable chair and read a book.

Amy----So sorry that your pet golden retriever had to be put to sleep.....poor dog.

I know that it hurts when that becomes necessary. I know you'll miss her. Prayers

for you, as Ashley's birthday approaches.

Becky-----Love the pics of the pups. Also, the pic of JD and his dad. Thanks for posting.

them. I think that when we have such a tragedy of losing our child,....we are then

plunged into shock....whether we know it at the time or not. Then, as time goes by,

the shock wears off, and the crying starts and we wonder when we'll ever stop. You

are not crazy, Becky. Thanks for the wishes for all vets for Veterans Day.

My husband is a Vietnam Vet (USMC). Prayers for your strength & comfort.

Lora-----I, too, hope that they catch the poor thin dog that you donated for, and

hope that they find her/him a good loving home. So sad......animals loose...stray,

hungry, and on their own......especially with the cold weather. So good of you to donate for this

cause.

Kate------

Sending thoughts & prayers for you and your husband.

Konnie-----

I'm glad the site is back to normal. Thanks for your attention

to the problem. (I'm afraid that I'm no help whatsoever at getting an image

of the page.....I'm at a loss for such things.) Thanks again.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Friends - it has been a while but felt the need to come and say hello to all. Things have quieted down around here since Sandy Storm...alot of people still without electric and many who lost everything so it will be a long recovery. I am awed by the amount of people who give so much of their time to help...

I have been so busy at work it seems as though there is not enough time in the day to accomplish all that needs to be done and then home to dinner, laundry and homework....by the time I sit down I feel as though I should be in bed and then I realize it is only 8 o'clock !!! Miss my summer time hours...

I am not looking forward to the Holidays (as usual) except for the fact that Tavian is soooo excited...of course he wants anything electronic that is on the market.....the new WII U will be available on the 18th and not going to be easy to get but am trying, have my name on lists to pre-order so wish me luck....of course it is at the top of his list...LOL

Yesterday there was no school so Tavian, his friend Damien and I went and did a little shopping....on the way home I asked him if he wanted to stop and visit mommy but he said no....a bit later he said "Mi-Mi, how come you didn't let me go to my mom's funeral" - I replied that I didn't think it was a good idea since he was just 4 years old" - he said "well, you should have let me go, she was my mom" - It upset me to hear those words from him as I never believed he thought about it, he was so young....now I am feeling maybe I should have let him go but then I tell myself that there was no way I could have taken him, I didn't want him to see her in a coffin, I wanted him to remember her as she was....I could use a little input on this subject if you don't mind as I know he still wants more of an answer from me....Thanks my friends

I keep you all in my heart, my prayers and send you strength, love and hugs....Kathy, Jessica's Mom Always

[summergirl]

Tavian showing his "silly side"....the glasses have no lens in them and he put them on and just started being silly....So glad for the invention of the camera.....memories so sweet

[ericasmom]

Hi All, for some reason, we have no cable at home starting yesterday...we'll see when I get home tonight. So I have not written in a day and just hoep everyone is fine.I am at school. and heading to a meeting soon. Just want to check in. Who was it that said that they never4 wear their bifocals? I can't get from point a to point b without mine. I literally wear them until I am about asleep each day, there is not option. I started wearing glasses when I was about 35and they progressively got stronger each year doc says I have always needed glasses but until I was older it did not seem apparent.

Kathy I so hope that the rebuild and the recovery of the area brings some peace to those hurting. For those who have lost everything, my goodness I wish I could help. I sent a few dollars to the red cross but who knows if that really goes to where it is most needed.

Kathy, I think that you can answer Tav by saying that at the time of his Mom's death, it was so overwhelmingly sad for you and Barry thatyou could not imagine TAvian being there. YEs it is your MOm Tav, but she is my Daughter and I was in total shock and horror with it. Tell him that You did not feel that Tavian should be around the sadness at such a young age. Sometimes we make decisions based on our hearts and what we know att he time. It might not always be the right decision, but it is what we have at the time. Maybe it is time for him to plan a memorial of sorts.

Lora, thanks so much, I feel so often the same way, that I get to know these beautiful angels through the broken hearts of their families.

Sandy, I am so sorry for the extra sharp pain in your days right now. The tears must fall when they must, they have to make room for a bit of clarity as you go. It is often not the kind of clarity that makes anything better but just clarity that makses the circumstances undeniable. So many phases of this path, let the tears come when you can and hopefully one day they will help you feel more calm. You do have so much going on, I am sending you a hug and hope.

[ericasmom]

Cable is back.

Kathy, I just reread what I wrote to you and let me clarify...sometimes we make decisions based on how our hearts and spirits are at that moment in time, the decision you made to keep Tav back from the funeral was yours to make, right or wrong to Tavian, it was yours to make. I did not mean to sound as though a wrong was made, to him, yes in hindsight it may seem wrong. It is so interesting at this time for Tav to review the past, it is safer now to do so, just as it is for us with years under our tears, to review. He is coming to an age where he is making determinations, and so in doing this, he reviews and he will oppose but that is how we come to formulate our basic morals and rules in our lives. It is a good sign I think, that Tav is finding ways to express his feelings on this knowing that you will love him even if his ideas are contrary to yours.

[summergirl]

Sweet Dee - thank you for your words of wisdom, you have always been able to bring me to a place I need to be....thoughts to ponder. I am happy that Tavian is expressing himself, it was just so unexpected and I was at a loss which really threw me as I have always been able to answer his questions, fix the hurt, but this one really got me.... I was talking to hubby about it and he said "do you know that I do not even remember where and with whom Tavian was the day of the funeral??" - I thought for a moment and realized that I too do not remember !! If I cannot even remember where he was how could I possibly have taken him to the funeral.....I made the right decision and I know that Tavian will ask again and I will be prepared. So many things I do not remember of that day - my mind will not allow me to remember - I just remember pain, intense, mind-numbing pain, so many people talking to me, crying, hearing the words "I am so sorry" over and over again until I thought I would HIT someone... I have not yet looked at the book that "visitors" signed, I know I will some day.

Yes, many years under our tears Dee, 7 years in Feb and although time has softened the pain there are still moments when I find myself on my knees unable to breathe....I miss her so and yearn to hear her voice, see her smile, have her walk into the room and laugh that laugh....so many things I want but I am blessed to have had 26 beautiful, wonderful years with my girl. Jessica will always live on through Tavian, us and all Angle Parents who know this incredible loss..... Take care Dee and I wish you peace and wonderful long walks with your Eri...Hugs, Kathy

[Guest]

..

[Guest]

..

[Guest]

Sherry, for some reason today I thought I was missing something and then I remembered. You are in my thoughts today.

Lisa Lisa Lisa surround your mom and your family, give them comfort

and let them know that you are near on your angelversary.

[ericasmom]

LISA Sweet Baby- no matter the years Dear, the love is a constant, the memories remain, and the hope for your sweet heavenly presence fills your family. We hold you in our love and in our hearts as we hold your Parents.

NO matter the years, not a day goes by without thoughts of of you in them.

[tobyfreefoot]

so long to be from mommy's arms but never from her heart.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen good to see you.

Lora, love that your son is helping out, love that you are helping out in Cara's name, she lives on in you good acts, our Babies live on through us. And I love that the dog waS caught and will now get help and nurture.

[daveydow1]

Dee, Gretchen, Lora------thank you so much for the dear, kind words

for Lisa's Angel Day. We went to the cemetery, and laid a pink carnation

on her grave, and then to Dave's grave & place a red carnation. So many

years,.....yet still so close. She's always with me.

Dee----Glad that you are back online.

Lora----Glad to hear that the dear dog that was stray has been placed

in a good home. So nice of your son to go and help out where there is

so much need, due to the storms.

This is a quiet day for me.

Wishing peace and calmness to all here at Beyond Indigo.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

OOPS.......Lora,.....Forgot to say thanks for the lovely card with

Lisa's pic. Really appreciate it. So hard to believe that she would

be 42 now, and Davey would be 41. The years go by.

Sherry