Loss of an Adult Child

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda, was it you who posted beautiful photos last week of birds including the Cooper's Hawk? Lovely.

Hi Dee, yes I did, I am unable to do any drawing right now so my other love is bird watching and photography ... I have been through so many cameras because I wear them out..lol but thank you , and I really needed what you wrote ,I am going through a hard time not with just the loss of Brian but some issues with my husband (Brian's step father) and just trying to help my DIL .. sometimes I feel so over whelmed .. Hope you have a good evening. Love Brenda

[mikesmomrs]

Davis and I went to church today, and afterwards he wanted to visit the cemetery. (For those of you new here, Davis is our 27 year old grandson and his uncle Mike is our son, who died of brain cancer at the age of 31, in Oct 2006 (they were more like brothers). On August 30th of this year, my husband, Ralph (also known as Mike) died from pancreatic cancer. Davis and his grandfather were very close, especially in this last year.)

When we got to the cemetery, I noticed something on the ground, near MIke's stone. It was Ralph's stone, already set in place, without anyone even calling us to tell us it was being put there! I burst into tears, and unfortunately, Davis felt bad about it, that he had suggested we go there, and it wound up with me in tears. I told him I will likely be in tears for a long time when I am at the cemetery, and I was just upset that they hadn't called us beforehand, it certainly wasn't his fault. It was, however, good to see something there finally that identified the site, which is something I have been upset over, as it is a military marker and I thought it would take much longer to come, and I was upsest that there was nothing there to mark the site with my husband's name. Now, there is, and I am crying all over again, and I guess it is because it makes it all seem so final...knid of a weird thing to say, but I don't think there is anyone here who would not understand.

anyway, I took a picture of the memorial marker. The picture doesn't do it justice at all...I tried different angles, but it doesn't show up the rally beautiful engraving/raised letters that are on the stone. I know that he would be very proud of the military honor, as we are.

My daughter Kim is still here; likely going home this week. Her fiance has some more work to finish before he can come and get her and they wanted to drive back together to have some time alone (they live in Virginia) as they have not been together now since hubby died, and he needs to get the work finished before he can take a couple of extra days to drive up here. I have been so, so blessed to have her here.

[ericasmom]

Carol the marker is beautiful, the texture of the background is lovely and the raised letters are beautiful, you should be proud of his service to his country, it was a brave and honorable service.

Glad that DAvis was with you and that you are both gaining strength from one another. We were never alerted either, that ERi's stone was being placed and so one day I just stopped in to place some flowers and BOOM, there was her name etched in her flat stone, her numbers marking her 19 years. I wept and felt angry that they did not let me know. Oh well, just a business to the stone cutters I guess.

I hope you are well, how is your physical self doing? Are you keeping up with eating well and doc appts.?

Brenda, sometimes our lives feel like little more than overwhelming, which is why I love to simply be at home and take long walks, and listen to music, and just be whenever possible. This hard time will pass and I hope in its passing you come away with strength that sustains your harder days. Your hobbies are a wonderful treat to all of us. I too am a bird lover and watcher but I have never had a camera that can zoom so well and capture the details you are able to show. Those hobbies are sources of what will help you through the times.

[rlolheiser]

hi to all

Sorry I haven't posted in so long, I have read, seems thats about all I get done online. I have been keeping busy. Trying to get things settled for if and when I get my grandson which sounds promising as the judge told the social worker (the one that gave me Sena) that the little guy should be with his sister. I had written a letter to social services, and the attorneys telling them that I was more than willing to have my grandson with me. The social worker keeps telling all that nobody wants him. I have been astounded with the things this woman has done in the name of caring for children.

Anyway... we went to visit JaBoa's mom Saturday. It is only an hour and a half drive, but the driving tires me so much these days. Plus I got lost.. I am terrible with directions. My daughter seems to be doing much better, she is up, and jokes a little more. But the most amazing thing I found is she never guided my speaking of JaBoa to another subject. She even asked me to send her some of my pictures that I have of them that my niece sent me recently. To me this is a great step forward as we just weren't supposed to talk about her to her mom. She is saddened that she won't be able to go to the cemetary this year, with her 6th angelversary so close it is hard for her, but I think she is going to make it. She will probably be locked up in special classes til at least Christmas. She understands it is for her own good in order to get her children home .

Mom is doing well, I worry about her, she coughs more, but the dr said there isn't much we can do. I do what I can... for me it gets hard to watch her with her memory failing. I will continue to care for her until I just can't.. or until she just can't remember me. I don't think it is anything but senility.. not sure, but she is more tired out these days, especially after our trip to visit my daughter. She told me she does'nt want to travel any more not sure if she means it.. so I guess we will see the next time something happens, I may need to get a sitter for her if I have to do a trip again.

Carol, it is so nice to read your words, my heart goes out to you, I am glad you have Kim and Davis with you. Your an amazing woman. I can't imagine the sadness you feel, how you miss your Mike and young Mike... I am sure they are watching over you with pride for the awesome woman you are.

Kate, as I stated.. I am ok.. just tired out.. but it is a good tired.

Sherry, we lost all our colors too.. with sixty to seventy mile an hour winds.for a couple days. not many leaves left at all. I am saddened by that cause I love the changes of color.. it was cut to short.

Dee, I still love it when you talk about your walks, I don't dare leave the house much cause mom gets scared and looks for me. I figure one day I will get to do it again.

Susan, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, I hope that her treatments help her.

Rhonda, hope your doing ok, I see you from time to time thinking of me and it means a lot. I just have a hard time responding anymore.

I do think of this site and all of you.. how you have helped me... those that need help... mostly I think of our angels.. the one common thing we all have, we miss them so.

with JaBoas angelversary coming I think of her even more.. if that is possible. It was that date that my life changed. Somethings got bad.. some things got worse. I lost it more than a couple of times, I wanted to get back into my bottle that I had given up so long ago but the the encouragement of so many here I stopped to think... I stopped to wonder what my JaBoa would want of me and I have been trying to build my life to make her proud. I know she wants me to take care of myself and at times I didn't or don't want to. I have to, cause I have so many other ends out there to help with.. her mom.. sister..brother.. her great grandma.. aunt.. cousins.. all their lives were changed that day and they needed help.. I like to think that I have done what she wants.. and when I am alone in the day.. I think of her in my heart.. and talk with her.. it is good.. not great.. but good... I can't change life.. so I have to change my life to make it, to make that little girls life standout to those who miss her. she is gone.. but not forgot.. She made a big difference in my life.. I want to be like her.

I hope your all doing as good as you can, Betty, Kathy, Trudi, Gretchen, Sarah.. my mind is a blank.. I wrote more than I probably should have.. and now my mom is calling me... take good care of you and your loved ones..

hopefully my picture of JaBoa and my son posts :-)

[daveydow1]

Leah-----Oh....so good to see your post. I think about you often, and wonder how

things are going for you. Glad to hear that your daughter is showing signs of

good progress. Also, I hope that you get your little grandson. That social worker

sounds daffy.....not to think that the little guy would be so much better off living

with family members. Makes you wonder..... what is she thinking????

We still do have a lot of fall color here, but the peak is somewhat past. I have

plans to go with a drive with my husband next week, and take some pics. First,

I have to do some outside chores like painting on the front porch, and touchup

around the new garage door we had install yesterday. So glad to hear that things

are looking better for you and your family. Thanks for the cute pic. Take care, friend.

Dee----thanks for the kind words. The waterlilies were at a pond next to a secondary

road nearby. I drove past there one day, and the scene was so lovely, that I ran

home and got my camera. Had to park across the road in a rundown little league

baseball field, but I managed to get several good pics as a result. So nice that you

got out for a three-mile walk. It is so relaxing and inspiring to walk in the fall and

see all of nature's wonder. I agree.....it is restful to just have days at home to do as

one pleases at our own pace. All the hectic activity away from home can be tiring.

This past month has been very tiring for me with all the appointments with the

dentist, Drs. etc. So glad it's almost over with, then no more appts. for awhile. Still

have to get the root canal finished the end of the month. be glad when that's over.

Kate-----Yep.....fall does bring back memories of Halloween as kids. What fun we had.

We used to get a mask, and the rest of the costume was up to us to figure out. I hope

that the squirrels don't dig up your bulbs.....good that you got them all planted before

the frost/snow gets there.

Susan-----So nice you are getting signs from Dustin. Our kids will always be with

us because we love them so, and the love will always last. Take care.

Brenda-----I, too, enjoyed seeing your pics of the birds which you posted. Thanks....

always fun to see pics posted on BI. You are an excellent photographer.

Carol----I'm glad that Ralph's marker is in place now. Yes,....I can understand your

distress when Ralph's grave was unmarked for that period of time. Thanks for the

pic of the marker. It is very nice, and the pic is so nice & clear. It's good that Davis

went with you to visit his grandpa's grave, although I do understand the feelings

of sorrow and the tears when visiting the grave of a recently departed loved one ( and

one who has been gone for any period of time, really).

Ralph and Mike surely looked down and smiled on you and Davis. Peace to you, friend.

WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[BrendaDup59]

Hi. I wanted to thank you all for your sweet comments on my pictures , I got a few of a squirrel and thought you all might enjoy them. I raised one 10 years ago and I have to say I loved it. I was working for a vet at the time and someone brought this little bundle of fur with her eyes still closed. well I got her old enough to be on her own and took her way out into the country where a lady that also rehab them and she finished up getting her ready to release , I hope she had a great life I have a video of her and someday when I can I will post a bit of it .

Carol, Ralph's grave marker is beautiful ,that is one of the things that really bothers me is my son does not have one yet hopefully soon.

the one picture of a squirrel I watched her clean herself and happen to catch her start to clean her face and head ... it almost looks like she is saying you don't see me !

I hope everyone has a good week. your in my thoughts always . Love Brenda

[ericasmom]

The squirrels are very active around here too Brenda. So cute and thanks for sending photos.

Leah, so great to see you today and to view a photo of JaBoa and your Boy. It is really good to hear that you are okay adn that you are seeing progress in your Daughter's treatment. Hooray. I wish the very best for you all. I think of you often and pray that life sends you some ease soon. I will pray for goodness to reign.

Sherry, the work you are doing sounds like a good way to work and stay outdoors as much as possible. It is that that I miss during winter months, being inside so much, missing out on the daylight. Lunch time walks help to get that needed sunlight in one's life. Today was amazing. I went for another two miles with Shannon later in the day. Felt good and I am very relaxed now.

[Jeff's Mom]

Davis and I went to church today, and afterwards he wanted to visit the cemetery. (For those of you new here, Davis is our 27 year old grandson and his uncle Mike is our son, who died of brain cancer at the age of 31, in Oct 2006 (they were more like brothers). On August 30th of this year, my husband, Ralph (also known as Mike) died from pancreatic cancer. Davis and his grandfather were very close, especially in this last year.)

When we got to the cemetery, I noticed something on the ground, near MIke's stone. It was Ralph's stone, already set in place, without anyone even calling us to tell us it was being put there! I burst into tears, and unfortunately, Davis felt bad about it, that he had suggested we go there, and it wound up with me in tears. I told him I will likely be in tears for a long time when I am at the cemetery, and I was just upset that they hadn't called us beforehand, it certainly wasn't his fault. It was, however, good to see something there finally that identified the site, which is something I have been upset over, as it is a military marker and I thought it would take much longer to come, and I was upsest that there was nothing there to mark the site with my husband's name. Now, there is, and I am crying all over again, and I guess it is because it makes it all seem so final...knid of a weird thing to say, but I don't think there is anyone here who would not understand.

anyway, I took a picture of the memorial marker. The picture doesn't do it justice at all...I tried different angles, but it doesn't show up the rally beautiful engraving/raised letters that are on the stone. I know that he would be very proud of the military honor, as we are.

My daughter Kim is still here; likely going home this week. Her fiance has some more work to finish before he can come and get her and they wanted to drive back together to have some time alone (they live in Virginia) as they have not been together now since hubby died, and he needs to get the work finished before he can take a couple of extra days to drive up here. I have been so, so blessed to have her here.

I agree Carol that Ralph would be so pleased. The marker is tastefully and beautifully representative of Ralph. So happy that Kim is still with you. I am sure it has been a huge help to have her for support. She sounds like a real gem.

[Jeff's Mom]

I just came in from a beautiful walk, three miles through brightly colored leaves, families out raking,(brings memories) and under perfectly blue skies. It is in the mid-sixties, I am guessing this is the calm before the storms of November. Loving it. I will do some paper grading out on the deck and cleaning inside when I can pull myself in that is.

Just want to send a quote from a young woman who recently found she has an incurable illness: This is not the life I planned...but it is the life I have now.

Indeed Folks, this is never what a parent plans and yet here we are living in the plain truth of the consequences of loss. And while we never planned fo this tragic piece, we can find ways to live a purpose filled life again. Don't expect it to happen quickly, but do know that one day the life you didn't plan will take shape into something good.

Indeed, I agree with you completely Dee. Sometimes it means leaving your comfort level and trying something totally new. Sounds like your day was terrific. The weather does indeed sound amazing. Enjoy it. We started out with cloud and a threat fo rain. It turned out to be a lovely afternoon. As we left for church this morning we fully expected a full day of rain. By early afternoon the clouds had lifted and the sun came out.

It was so good to see a few that had not posted for a bit. I think of all of you often.

We are off to a wildlife sanctuary on Tuesday for lunch with our ladies church group. Small church (size of Vicar of Dibley) Several are leaving to go south as snowbirds for the winter. I find they are leaving earlier and earlier. Many have purchased homes in the States since the downturn. We won't be one of them. I am really looking forward to seeing the collection of geese that are feeding in the area. Should be a nice outing and hopefully a chance to take some good pictures.

Susan...wishing you a really peaceful and good week. Thinking of you and your daughter as she undergoes her therapy. Good luck!

Thinking of you all on this Sunday evening. Hope you are able to get a decent rest tonight.

Love, Kate

[Sholl1955]

Good evening to all. After reading all of the posts and seeing the pictures, it sounds like everyone is enjoying the colors and changes that come with fall. I will admit that even though I usually love fall and indeed the colors have been beautiful, it was this time last year that Sarah was diagnosed with the metastisis of her breast cancer and the beginning of the most painful 6 months of her life and the most hearbreaking time of my life, so i approach the changes differently than I normally would. It reminds me of the coming Holidays and Sarah's birthday (Dec 1st) as well as 5 family members birthdays between now and Dec. 31st. ( one of them Sarah's oldest little girl who will be 6) Tonight, as I think of it I don't know how we can face this time without her, yet I know somehow we will because we have to. I know you all understand this and I am sad that there are so many of us who have to know this pain.

Carol, Mikes marker is beautiful. I so wish Sarah had a marker on her grave but my son in law has kept putting off doing anything towards getting it ordered. He doesn't feel it is important I guess. I hope it is just part of his grieving process, but oh how hard it is that there is nothing there to say she is even there. I have to remember that he took excellent care of Sarah through out her ordeal even though at times I want to bop him one.

This roller coaster of emotions is so very hard. I think I am doing better and then wham I am at the bottom again. It is exhausting. But am thankful I can share with this group and know that no one is going to say it is time to be over it.

Good news is I have a job interview at 2:00 tomorrow so will focus on that.

Wishing a restful night to all of you.

Sandy

[Angel'sSon]

Leah-----Oh....so good to see your post. I think about you often, and wonder how

things are going for you. Glad to hear that your daughter is showing signs of

good progress. Also, I hope that you get your little grandson. That social worker

sounds daffy.....not to think that the little guy would be so much better off living

with family members. Makes you wonder..... what is she thinking????

We still do have a lot of fall color here, but the peak is somewhat past. I have

plans to go with a drive with my husband next week, and take some pics. First,

I have to do some outside chores like painting on the front porch, and touchup

around the new garage door we had install yesterday. So glad to hear that things

are looking better for you and your family. Thanks for the cute pic. Take care, friend.

Dee----thanks for the kind words. The waterlilies were at a pond next to a secondary

road nearby. I drove past there one day, and the scene was so lovely, that I ran

home and got my camera. Had to park across the road in a rundown little league

baseball field, but I managed to get several good pics as a result. So nice that you

got out for a three-mile walk. It is so relaxing and inspiring to walk in the fall and

see all of nature's wonder. I agree.....it is restful to just have days at home to do as

one pleases at our own pace. All the hectic activity away from home can be tiring.

This past month has been very tiring for me with all the appointments with the

dentist, Drs. etc. So glad it's almost over with, then no more appts. for awhile. Still

have to get the root canal finished the end of the month. be glad when that's over.

Kate-----Yep.....fall does bring back memories of Halloween as kids. What fun we had.

We used to get a mask, and the rest of the costume was up to us to figure out. I hope

that the squirrels don't dig up your bulbs.....good that you got them all planted before

the frost/snow gets there.

Susan-----So nice you are getting signs from Dustin. Our kids will always be with

us because we love them so, and the love will always last. Take care.

Brenda-----I, too, enjoyed seeing your pics of the birds which you posted. Thanks....

always fun to see pics posted on BI. You are an excellent photographer.

Carol----I'm glad that Ralph's marker is in place now. Yes,....I can understand your

distress when Ralph's grave was unmarked for that period of time. Thanks for the

pic of the marker. It is very nice, and the pic is so nice & clear. It's good that Davis

went with you to visit his grandpa's grave, although I do understand the feelings

of sorrow and the tears when visiting the grave of a recently departed loved one ( and

one who has been gone for any period of time, really).

Ralph and Mike surely looked down and smiled on you and Davis. Peace to you, friend.

WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

With a friend getting killed and no way can I go to his funeral and as of today gettin the news about my daughters breast cancer not getting anuy better, if I lose her I'm not going to be sure how I will handle it. I'm drinking more and more each day. I don't know what good it's doing me, but thats my choice... God be with me cos I'm so angry I can't even pray!!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

I really have to get this of my mind and vent...To the ones that have posted about suicide,,,I really hate what you are going thru. 2 months ago my son shot himself in the head at his house in his livingroom. My daughter in law woke up to a loud bang. she found my son on the couch and was pronounced dead at the scene. No one had a clue that he was depressed or going thru anything bad. He had a great wife and baby girl. I will never forget when my daughter in law showed up at my house and said Dustin shot hisself and I said omg...which hospital..she shook her head and she said he is gone!! All I could say is no, no not my sonand I couldnt even cry. A neighbor came over cos she heard my dog barking and she stayed with me the rest of the night!!! I kept asking her why can't I cry and with her being in nursing, she told me that I was in shock. Then making arangements for my sons funeral the next day, all I did was cry the whole time. At the funeral home and funeral, I couldn't let go of his cold hand and just kept looking at him and telling him to open up his eyes. Of course, no he didnt. Dustin was my youngest child and we were so close...I have pictures posted inmy gallary. I 've taken up drinking again and this is not a good thing for me. 11 days after my son passed, I was admitted to the mental ward of the hospital. I just coulen't take it!!! This is going to last a lifetime it seems. With my oldest daughter having breast cancer and is having to double up on her treatments...If something happens to her, I don't know what I will do!!!! Just wanted to share my story to all and I want to know what led my son to do this!!! I feel so lost and angry at the same time!!!! I really do not want to offend anyone by telling my story!!!! I have to do something and here is the only way that I know how to do it!!!! I just keep thinking why!!!!!!!

[Guest]

.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

<3

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora and Sandy, hang in there. This first year after suffering such a heartbreaking loss is beyond difficult. You are both handling it pretty darned well. The firsts of everything are the most difficult to get through. Just dreading the upcoming occasion can drain so much energy. But you will both get through it. Good luck with the job interview today! Let us know how it goes.

Becky, stand your ground and eventually you will find success in your efforts.

Susan, I agree with the others. Life is about making choices...both good and bad. We are human and often lose our way. But it takes a huge amount of personal courage to accept that and take the higher ground. Your choice.

Woke up this morning to a lovely sunny sky. At last! Off to run errands. Wish you all a decent day.

Kate

[tobyfreefoot]

i wish i had time to read and respond but i have to go to bed. susan, forest's best friend is leaving this afternoon to film leslie working on forest's memorial (she has a film degree) and i am going with her to cut out the lettering to be sandblasted on the monument. it is unbelievable my factory let me off without any penalty for the rest of the week.

we will be going right past the crash site (rest stop at vega, texas near amarillo)so we will probably spend some time there. susan's old boyfriend went by there months ago and brought her back part of the car. ashley's mom has put up a memorial there. it will probably be a hard thing to do. i'm glad susan will be with me. ok love you all. wish us godspeed

[westleysmom]

Leah-So good to see your post and hear that things are going somewhat better in your world. I think of you and know that this time of year is very hard for you. Your words about thinking of her in your heart and talking with her made me cry, but in a good way. Hugs

Carol-The marker is very beautiful. I think of you as well and send all my love. I think I missed young Mike's angel day and am sorry I didn't get on to post much last week.

Karen-It was good to see your post too. Sorry I missed Shawn's angel day.

Sherry-Beautiful picture of the waterlilies.

Kate-Such an amazing story, I'm glad you shared it with us.

Becky-Keep up the good work. Jared is so proud of all that you are doing.

Dee-Hope this is a quieter week with an easier schedule for you.

So many new faces that I haven't got time to speak to everyone. Just thinking of you all and hoping that today is better than yesterday for all

[daveydow1]

Rhonda----Good to see West's great smile.

Lora-----Thanks for your kind words about my waterlilly pic. So

sorry to hear of your co-worker's father committing suicide.

Sending prayers for you and for his family.

Dee----Yes....it is good to get some sunlight every day....especially

in the darker winter months. My Dr. has me taking Vit. D in the

fall/winter. I believe it helps. This week is our Indian Summer...

temps in the 70's. I've been trying to get those little outdoor jobs

completed before the fall rains come. so nice you & Shannon took

that nice walk in the fall splendor.

Sandy----Yes, I agree. Grief is hard work, and is exhausting. With

the tiny steps we make early on this sad road, we may feel that

we are not making any progress because of the roller coaster nature

of the process. But these little steps do help. In time......(and each

of us has our own unique timeline).....we can take a bit bigger steps,

and find something to feel good about. Just keep coming to BI. We're

all here for you, friend.

Susan----I'm sorry to hear that your friend was killed. Sending thoughts &

prayers for you & for your dear daughter. You are right to come to BI

to vent. This is the place where everyone understands the sorrow and

rough times that hit us. Peace to you.

Brenda-----

Oh...thanks for the delightful pics of the squirrels. The one little

squirrel with paws over her face seems to be saying ....."Oh, no!! " So cute.

Becky---Keep up the good work of getting justice for your dear son, Jared.

Peace and Comfort to all INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

i wish i had time to read and respond but i have to go to bed. susan, forest's best friend is leaving this afternoon to film leslie working on forest's memorial (she has a film degree) and i am going with her to cut out the lettering to be sandblasted on the monument. it is unbelievable my factory let me off without any penalty for the rest of the week.

we will be going right past the crash site (rest stop at vega, texas near amarillo)so we will probably spend some time there. susan's old boyfriend went by there months ago and brought her back part of the car. ashley's mom has put up a memorial there. it will probably be a hard thing to do. i'm glad susan will be with me. ok love you all. wish us godspeed

Thinking of you tonight Gretchen, I'm sure the memorial will be just awesome! Keep us posted.\

Love, Kate

[Angel'sSon]

No matter how long it takes or what the cost.

..

This is beautiful

[tobyfreefoot]

gyikes! forest's friend susan is even later than me. i'm waiting at my daughter's for her. have a 9 hour trip ahead of us. promised my mom both of us would stay awake to keep the other alert seeing as how that is how forest and ashlie died.

[Angel'sSon]

Rhonda----Good to see West's great smile.

Lora-----Thanks for your kind words about my waterlilly pic. So

sorry to hear of your co-worker's father committing suicide.

Sending prayers for you and for his family.

Dee----Yes....it is good to get some sunlight every day....especially

in the darker winter months. My Dr. has me taking Vit. D in the

fall/winter. I believe it helps. This week is our Indian Summer...

temps in the 70's. I've been trying to get those little outdoor jobs

completed before the fall rains come. so nice you & Shannon took

that nice walk in the fall splendor.

Sandy----Yes, I agree. Grief is hard work, and is exhausting. With

the tiny steps we make early on this sad road, we may feel that

we are not making any progress because of the roller coaster nature

of the process. But these little steps do help. In time......(and each

of us has our own unique timeline).....we can take a bit bigger steps,

and find something to feel good about. Just keep coming to BI. We're

all here for you, friend.

Susan----I'm sorry to hear that your friend was killed. Sending thoughts &

prayers for you & for your dear daughter. You are right to come to BI

to vent. This is the place where everyone understands the sorrow and

rough times that hit us. Peace to you.

Brenda-----

Oh...thanks for the delightful pics of the squirrels. The one little

squirrel with paws over her face seems to be saying ....."Oh, no!! " So cute.

Becky---Keep up the good work of getting justice for your dear son, Jared.

Peace and Comfort to all INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

You are so right to come here to vent!!! It helps me so much!!! now, if I can get over the drinking, I might be a little better...I don't know!!!!!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

gyikes! forest's friend susan is even later than me. i'm waiting at my daughter's for her. have a 9 hour trip ahead of us. promised my mom both of us would stay awake to keep the other alert seeing as how that is how forest and ashlie died.

Gretchen, Please post and let us know you are ok! Loved the monument pictures, it will be awesome!!

Carol, loved the marker for you hubby! So thankful for his service to our country.

Sherry, also loved the waterlilly picture! I wish mine would grow that big in my pond!

Dee, I still haven't really done any yardwork since my surgery.

Lora, so sorry to hear of your friend's recent loss. Hang in there.

Susan, I am praying that you will turn this drinking problem over to God, who can give you the strength you need to overcome. Have you thought of going to an AA meeting where there would be support in that area? There is no shame in asking for help. Hang on.

Kate, I love to hear of your activities outdoors, it always transports me if only for a few moments. Thank you!

To those that haven't posted, but may be here reading, you are all in my thoughts and prayers for a brighter tomorrow.

[ericasmom]

becky, loved the tribute to your Boy.

Gretchen, do let us know when you get there. I agree with Becky, the sculpture is amazing. Be well.

susan, most folks I have known with drinnking or substance issues need help and support to get healthy. I wish you that.

Kate enjoy the weather , we have 70's for two days anD then the bottom will drop.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, woke up this morning to more cloud and rain! Today is our outing to The Oak Hammock Marsh. A group of ladies are going to have lunch and hopefully walk through the nature trails if the rain stops. It is the largest concentration of birds that fly through on their way south for the winter. Approximately 250,000. birds fly through every day in the fall.

Becky...what kind of puppies do you raise? I am a true animal lover. Our black lab is now thirteen and as sweet as she was as a pup.

Susan, hope you have a decent day and things begin to improve with your daughter. Tell us about Justin when you feel you can talk about him. We would love to hear about him.

Gretchen...thinking of you today. Look forward to seeing the great memorial.

Lora and Sandy...hope you are both okay.

Have a good day everyone.

Love, Kate

[Guest]

..

[ericasmom]

Lora, I must have missed a post from earlier, perhaps a day or so ago, a friend of yours is undergoing some sort of trauma? I wish her well and hope that somehow she feels strength enough to get through the diciest parts.

Your photo is very pretty, your scenery looks beautiful to me. I love wetlands and forested land and prairies. Some find our landscape boring in the midwest, but I love it.

Kate, let us know how the bird watch went. What an amazing amount of birds to cross through your area in a day. Wow. Isn't it amazing when nature knows just what to do? It reminds us that we too will find our rhythms.

Goodnight All as we close for the night with love in our hearts and hope too for those we don't hear from that often, know that you reside in our hearts and prayers as you find yourself in each day.

[tantraman8]

Dear All,

Sherry,

I read your post below where you address SOOOOO many of the BI community. Love how you can express love and support to each individual. I know we all need to do grieving and life in our own way, AND there is a part of me that wishes I had the energy to post here every day.

Kate,

I read your posting about the encounter with the medium and the message from Jeff. It is so cool. I've had the names of two mediums, but for some reason, haven't acted on them. I'm actually starting to feel ready. I know Josh wants me to live a joyful life, but it would be wonderful to have what feels like a more direct connect. Anyhow, the point of this was to let you know how happy I was for you when I read about your connection.

Becky, Brenda, Carol, Lora, and Dee,

Thank you all for your support. My six month anniversary is this Thursday the 25th. It's my 3rd week on anti-depressants, after sinking to a low that involved suicidal ideation. I have actually felt moments of peace and an absence of the heaviness that almost felt like I had nothing left.

I'm going back to Ohio over the Holidays. Before meds, I was afraid that being around my other kids, being back in Ohio would be so heavy that when I came back to Az. I would be back in the pit of pain and deep loneliness that had become my new normal.

I am not naive enough to think that my grieving is over, but it doesn't seem to weigh down every minute of my life. I walk or workout almost every day. I am working hard spiritually to create a new life where there is more joy, peace, and human connection. There was a level of fear, sadness and isolation before Josh passed that had become intolerable after he passed. I think that is a weird gift of him passing. I don't believe I would have been desperate enough to change my comfortable half living had I not been thrown into the abyss of losing him. BUT I know he wants me to "go for it!"

Last thing, as I said to Sherry, I hope to be posting and responding here more often. This journey is strange, often it's been peaks and valleys as far as my energy and mood. AND, I have felt blessed by our interaction here. I find myself wishing we were all sitting around a coffee table somewhere....able to laugh with each other, cry with each other, hold each other when need be. Given that geography separates us, I aspire to using this forum/community as a way to give and receive support.

Sleep gently all....Peace from Tucson...

[Angel'sSon]

Dear All,

Sherry,

I read your post below where you address SOOOOO many of the BI community. Love how you can express love and support to each individual. I know we all need to do grieving and life in our own way, AND there is a part of me that wishes I had the energy to post here every day.

Kate,

I read your posting about the encounter with the medium and the message from Jeff. It is so cool. I've had the names of two mediums, but for some reason, haven't acted on them. I'm actually starting to feel ready. I know Josh wants me to live a joyful life, but it would be wonderful to have what feels like a more direct connect. Anyhow, the point of this was to let you know how happy I was for you when I read about your connection.

Becky, Brenda, Carol, Lora, and Dee,

Thank you all for your support. My six month anniversary is this Thursday the 25th. It's my 3rd week on anti-depressants, after sinking to a low that involved suicidal ideation. I have actually felt moments of peace and an absence of the heaviness that almost felt like I had nothing left.

I'm going back to Ohio over the Holidays. Before meds, I was afraid that being around my other kids, being back in Ohio would be so heavy that when I came back to Az. I would be back in the pit of pain and deep loneliness that had become my new normal.

I am not naive enough to think that my grieving is over, but it doesn't seem to weigh down every minute of my life. I walk or workout almost every day. I am working hard spiritually to create a new life where there is more joy, peace, and human connection. There was a level of fear, sadness and isolation before Josh passed that had become intolerable after he passed. I think that is a weird gift of him passing. I don't believe I would have been desperate enough to change my comfortable half living had I not been thrown into the abyss of losing him. BUT I know he wants me to "go for it!"

Last thing, as I said to Sherry, I hope to be posting and responding here more often. This journey is strange, often it's been peaks and valleys as far as my energy and mood. AND, I have felt blessed by our interaction here. I find myself wishing we were all sitting around a coffee table somewhere....able to laugh with each other, cry with each other, hold each other when need be. Given that geography separates us, I aspire to using this forum/community as a way to give and receive support.

Sleep gently all....Peace from Tucson...

After my son being gone for 2 months I don't ever think I will get over it. He was my best friend. I have pictures posted in my gallary. 11 days after my son passed, i ended up in the mental part of the hospital for 5 days. I did harm myself and my boyfriend had to call 911 when he found me in the bathroom. my son would not have wanted this to happen. I feel like I'm just here and in a daze just waiting for the loss of my Dustin to get better. I wish it would get better , but it hasn't yet!!!!!!

[Vijayabanu]

hk this out...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2134547/Hi-Daddy-I-love--Engineer-talks-dead-teenage-daughter-developing-paranormal-detection-devices.html#

[tantraman8]

Dear Susan,

At two month's in, after losing Josh, I was in shambles. You lost Dustin in a sudden and very traumatic way, and, as you say, he was your best friend.

When I first lost Josh, it felt like a part of me had died too. I have done a LOT of work to heal, posting here, posting on FB, going to workshops that have helped me, texting and calling friends, going to my acupuncturist weekly, living with a friend who had lost her son in a way that was similar to how you lost Dustin, writing a journal to Josh.

And, even with all of that, my depression was so bad, that suicidal thoughts frightened me enough, that I went on an anti-depressant three weeks ago that seems to be helping things not be so heavy.

But, Susan, the loss of our sons is HUGE. I'm glad you're posting here. Please be as gentle with yourself and your process as you can. Other people telling me that helped, but the indescribable pain you feel is one I and everyone I've encountered on here, have experienced and can relate to firsthand.

Sending you love and support,

David

[Jeff's Mom]

Dear All,

Sherry,

I read your post below where you address SOOOOO many of the BI community. Love how you can express love and support to each individual. I know we all need to do grieving and life in our own way, AND there is a part of me that wishes I had the energy to post here every day.

Kate,

I read your posting about the encounter with the medium and the message from Jeff. It is so cool. I've had the names of two mediums, but for some reason, haven't acted on them. I'm actually starting to feel ready. I know Josh wants me to live a joyful life, but it would be wonderful to have what feels like a more direct connect. Anyhow, the point of this was to let you know how happy I was for you when I read about your connection.

Becky, Brenda, Carol, Lora, and Dee,

Thank you all for your support. My six month anniversary is this Thursday the 25th. It's my 3rd week on anti-depressants, after sinking to a low that involved suicidal ideation. I have actually felt moments of peace and an absence of the heaviness that almost felt like I had nothing left.

I'm going back to Ohio over the Holidays. Before meds, I was afraid that being around my other kids, being back in Ohio would be so heavy that when I came back to Az. I would be back in the pit of pain and deep loneliness that had become my new normal.

I am not naive enough to think that my grieving is over, but it doesn't seem to weigh down every minute of my life. I walk or workout almost every day. I am working hard spiritually to create a new life where there is more joy, peace, and human connection. There was a level of fear, sadness and isolation before Josh passed that had become intolerable after he passed. I think that is a weird gift of him passing. I don't believe I would have been desperate enough to change my comfortable half living had I not been thrown into the abyss of losing him. BUT I know he wants me to "go for it!"

Last thing, as I said to Sherry, I hope to be posting and responding here more often. This journey is strange, often it's been peaks and valleys as far as my energy and mood. AND, I have felt blessed by our interaction here. I find myself wishing we were all sitting around a coffee table somewhere....able to laugh with each other, cry with each other, hold each other when need be. Given that geography separates us, I aspire to using this forum/community as a way to give and receive support.

Sleep gently all....Peace from Tucson...

David, so good to see that you are finding your ground again. You've worked hard at it. That's great you will be going to visit the kids. I know you are going to have a good time. As far as Jeff's message...yes, I am pleased. But I am still selfish...I want him back to hold again. I miss him terribly. Life goes on....but his death challenged me also to make necessary changes...that I am now seeing are positive. Glad to see you will be posting more frequently. Take care.

Kate

[briansdad]

Hi guys I've been absent for a while but I try to read when I can. I found this old song by one of the best song writers of my generation. The part of it that touched my heart are these lines.

There's a light in the depths

Of your darkness

There's a calm at the eye

Of every storm.

There's a light in the depths

Of your darkness.

Let is shine

Oh, let it shine

Let is shine

Oh, let it shine

Let is shine

Oh, let it shine.

Let it Shine

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Mom,

I’ve seen your tears, I know all you’ve been through,

I know that my leaving was hard for all of you.

I never expected when I left out the door,

That I wouldn’t return or see you once more.

I hope you’re not angry that I chose to roam,

I never dreamt I would not make it home.

Just stretching my legs, no traffic in sight,

I want to tell you what happened that night.

You know most of it, that she got a text,

Looking down caused what happened next.

I never saw her, as it happened so fast,

I felt the car hit me, but the pain didn’t last.

God sent these angels and they snatched me up high,

I could see all below me from up in the sky.

I saw her freak out as she looked for her phone,

She couldn’t get help and left me alone.

A neighbor called and brought help to me,

I saw his despair at what he did see.

I saw the workers try to bring back my breath,

I was right there with you, when you learned of my death.

The service you held for me was so grand,

I love all you’ve done, that you’ve taken a stand.

All the lies and disregard for what’s true and just,

God knows, and sees, and in Him you must trust.

Heaven is great, more beautiful than you know,

We’ll be here together… God told me so.

Whenever you feel saddened, I will be right there,

Asking God to give you strength, as He hears your prayers.

I love you all, and I know you love me,

Don’t cry… I’m an angel… soon you will see.

Love, Jared

[BrendaDup59]

Jared Daniel West ~ Forever in our hearts wrote:

Mom,

I’ve seen your tears, I know all you’ve been through,

I know that my leaving was hard for all of you.

I never expected when I left out the door,

That I wouldn’t return or see you once more.

I hope you’re not angry that I chose to roam,

I never dreamt I would not make it home.

Just stretching my legs, no traffic in sight,

I want to tell you what happened that night.

You know most of it, that she got a text,

Looking down caused what happened next.

I never saw her, as it happened so fast,

I felt the car hit me, but the pain didn’t last.

God sent these angels and they snatched me up high,

I could see all below me from up in the sky.

I saw her freak out as she looked for her phone,

She couldn’t get help and left me alone.

A neighbor called and brought help to me,

I saw his despair at what he did see.

I saw the workers try to bring back my breath,

I was right there with you, when you learned of my death.

The service you held for me was so grand,

I love all you’ve done, that you’ve taken a stand.

All the lies and disregard for what’s true and just,

God knows, and sees, and in Him you must trust.

Heaven is great, more beautiful than you know,

We’ll be here together… God told me so.

Whenever you feel saddened, I will be right there,

Asking God to give you strength, as He hears your prayers.

I love you all, and I know you love me,

Don’t cry… I’m an angel… soon you will see.

Love, Jared

Becky , this brought tears to my eyes ,{{{{ Hugs }}}} Love Brenda

[tantraman8]

OMG Becky,

What a beautiful gift your poem is! And, I believe this was Divinely channeled...pure love.

Hey all, tomorrow is the 6 month anniversary of Josh's passing. Tonight I am doing OK. Tomorrow is a work day, and I still may experience peace and stability. But, please think and pray for me anyhow. Josh's message is for me to "go for it!!" to create a more joyful, peaceful, and connected life.

But, I suspect that there is more sadness to be felt, more missing Josh in this world to feel. This journey is unpredictable. What has been certain for me, is that I would not have survived losing my son without the love of others...and the most encouraging....the most compassionate....are you all who understand. Thanks....David

[ericasmom]

Well you write from your heart and it comes out in couplets and as I read, I have tears. Beautifully done my Dear.

Greg, so good to see you tonight. Great lyrics, thanks so much for sharing.

David, good to see you today as well. So much pain and angst within these virtual walls, but so much comradery and care as well. May healing be what you really are able to feel even in those darkest days, may there be a sense of healing.

[Angel'sSon]

Becky , this brought tears to my eyes ,{{{{ Hugs }}}} Love Brenda

Dear Susan,

At two month's in, after losing Josh, I was in shambles. You lost Dustin in a sudden and very traumatic way, and, as you say, he was your best friend.

When I first lost Josh, it felt like a part of me had died too. I have done a LOT of work to heal, posting here, posting on FB, going to workshops that have helped me, texting and calling friends, going to my acupuncturist weekly, living with a friend who had lost her son in a way that was similar to how you lost Dustin, writing a journal to Josh.

And, even with all of that, my depression was so bad, that suicidal thoughts frightened me enough, that I went on an anti-depressant three weeks ago that seems to be helping things not be so heavy.

But, Susan, the loss of our sons is HUGE. I'm glad you're posting here. Please be as gentle with yourself and your process as you can. Other people telling me that helped, but the indescribable pain you feel is one I and everyone I've encountered on here, have experienced and can relate to firsthand.

Sending you love and support,

David

David as i sit here and cry and still drinking, i read all the posts and it's tearing me apart. If my daughter doesn't survive her cancer, i don't know what I will do. She is still in treatment. It's on week at a time. I post a lot on FB and I've had people telling me after 2 months to get over it, I don't think so. I deleted some friends on FB for telling me this!!! It made me really mad!!! This is a freee country and I can post comments about my son and that's my decision!!! I just love my son and miss him more and more everyday!!!!!!

[Vijayabanu]

Becky.....tears kept rolling down my eyes... Hope the kids r with us the way we r with them and be there for us when we go to them... We taught them to walk...talk understand...it's going to be the other way when we go there....theynll know the place better than us....

Banu...Kiran's Mom..

Jared Daniel West ~ Forever in our hearts wrote:

Mom,

I’ve seen your tears, I know all you’ve been through,

I know that my leaving was hard for all of you.

I never expected when I left out the door,

That I wouldn’t return or see you once more.

I hope you’re not angry that I chose to roam,

I never dreamt I would not make it home.

Just stretching my legs, no traffic in sight,

I want to tell you what happened that night.

You know most of it, that she got a text,

Looking down caused what happened next.

I never saw her, as it happened so fast,

I felt the car hit me, but the pain didn’t last.

God sent these angels and they snatched me up high,

I could see all below me from up in the sky.

I saw her freak out as she looked for her phone,

She couldn’t get help and left me alone.

A neighbor called and brought help to me,

I saw his despair at what he did see.

I saw the workers try to bring back my breath,

I was right there with you, when you learned of my death.

The service you held for me was so grand,

I love all you’ve done, that you’ve taken a stand.

All the lies and disregard for what’s true and just,

God knows, and sees, and in Him you must trust.

Heaven is great, more beautiful than you know,

We’ll be here together… God told me so.

Whenever you feel saddened, I will be right there,

Asking God to give you strength, as He hears your prayers.

I love you all, and I know you love me,

Don’t cry… I’m an angel… soon you will see.

Love, Jared

[Vijayabanu]

Check out this video on YouTube:

[Angel'sSon]

Check out this video on YouTube:

Yes,,,,one more day to get to say I love you son

[Angel'sSon]

Becky.....tears kept rolling down my eyes... Hope the kids r with us the way we r with them and be there for us when we go to them... We taught them to walk...talk understand...it's going to be the other way when we go there....theynll know the place better than us....

Banu...Kiran's Mom..

Tears and I love this!!!

[Guest]

..

[Vijayabanu]

Check out this video on YouTube:

The feelings of losing a child...hoping to see them...wondering whether he ll remember us... The love of a parent.... I hear this and the song one more day...whenever I feel like a rock and feel a spell of crying will make me feel lighter... Some times I feel when I cry for my son...I feel closer to him....holding on to him.... (((hugs))) everyone who lost and not know how to carry on

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Beautiful songs, Banu & Greg, thanks for posting them!

Thanks to all that read my poem, and I do think that it was channeled as David put it. I had read a poem written as such from a baby girl that had been murdered, and it really touched me, and I thought, I wonder what Jared would say to me, and so I opened Word, and began to type. The poem came so fast, that I had to go back and read it myself as I didn't have time to even think about it while it was "coming" to me. I do believe our angels interact with us in all kinds of ways.

Thank you, Dee. I keep meaning to look into different styles of poetry, but it just seems to be what comes out. Thanks for visiting his page, Brenda!

I kiss Jared's urn everynight and tell him "do you think you could come to me in a dream"? I only had one and it was very brief, and not really clear of the message. There was a road thad had trash all strewn about, and a lot of people trying to clear it and pick it all up, and in the midst, there was a man sitting on a 5 gal container of some sort, right in the middle of the road, and he was just sitting and watching, and looked very sad. I approached him and he rose to embrace me, and I hugged him, and felt him hug me as he laid his head on my shoulder. I stroked his hair and patted his back, and told him it was going to be alright. Then I woke up. I wasn't sure if it was him in the dream or not, as it seemed like there was a haze or cloudiness about that scene. But, there was no mistaking the comfort that I felt in holding him.

[daveydow1]

Lora----I'm sorry that there are circumstances where it makes it unsafe

for you to walk in the early a.m. ( bear sightings, .....yikes !), and the

strange man walking along beside you and asking questions. That is

scary. So, I'm glad that you decided against your walks. Please be

careful. Peace to you.

David-----thanks for your kind words. You are right.....though we at

BI are geographically far apart, in most cases,.....we are all here

together on BI, which gives us such a golden opportunity to relate

to each other, and help each other on this difficult and sorrowful road .

How I wish there had been this kind of site when my baby Lisa died

so many years ago, but there was no internet for the general citizen

in their homes. There was no real support groups etc. offered in

small-town areas. In very early days/months after the loss of a child,

there just are days when one can not come to BI to post or read. It is

the very nature of the grief process. We just don't have anything to say

or give when we are suffering and missing the child who has passed

on before us. We sit and wonder... why???, and come up with no

answers. Little by little we can come to BI.....perhaps a bit more often

and take the tiny steps forward. It is a slow process, to be sure......but

it must be taken at your own pace. No one can tell someone else who

is grieving how quickly they 'should' be progressing. So, I think that

your finding this site can possibly help you, and am so glad that you

have come to BI. Read/post just whenever you feel you can. If you must

step back for a period....no matter how long, or short a time.....you will

always be welcomed back. This is one of the reasons Bi is a good site.

Josh is always with you, no matter where you are. Peace & comfort, friend.

Becky----You wrote a lovely and heartfelt poem......just the words that JD

says, as he smiles down from heaven on you and your family. Thanks for posting.

Susan----- Continuing to send prayers for you. Remember...Dustin is

with you because you love him and he loves you. That will never change.

Keep coming to BI. We're always here.

Dee------We're off for a nice drive today......great weather. This week is to

be the end of warm days, I guess. Must enjoy it while we can. Still some

lovely colors left to see. I'll take my camera, and perhaps get a few pics.

Banu and Greg------Thanks for the music.

Hello, and best wishes to all Indigos who have'nt been here in awhile.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL IN THE INDIGO FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[westleysmom]

Sherry-It has been unnaturally warm here too this week, but supposed to turn cold tomorrow. Hope you have a nice drive today before the weather turns on you.

Greg-I have the Souvenirs album on vinyl, I always loved Dan Fogelberg. I haven't thought of that song in ages, although I do get the album out every now and then and listen to Another Auld Lang Syne and cry. I think that song is on that album, anyway. I'm senile, so I could be wrong.

David-I hope the 6 month anniversary of Josh's passing is going okay for you. That is about the time I started coming here to post, and I remember it being very difficult.

Becky-Your poem made me tear up, too. I was just thinking the other day, wonder what Westley would have to say to me if he could talk to me and here your write a poem about that. I don't guess I should think it odd that we all seem to have the same thoughts occur to us about our children, but sometimes its like others on here are reading my mind (heaven help you all!)

I find myself like that tv show in "the middle" I feel like I've been here long enough to be over the devasation that was the first two years or so, but not long enough to be able to give much support to those who are still there. I guess that's why I've had to take something of a break from posting, still trying to find my way and figure out how to rebuild myself out of the broken pieces. For a while early on, it seemed the pieces were scattered to the four corners of the earth and trying to find them all but impossible. I am still working on it and hold you all close in my heart as I try to carry on, as we all must do.

[Jeff's Mom]

David, thinking of you today as you remember Josh on the six month anniversary. Hope you are doing okay.

Lora...My goodness, please be careful. That guy sounds creepy. You went with your gut instinct. Good going! They often say to always follow your intuition. Ever thought to carry bear spray if you live in an area where the bears are roaming? They should be going into hibernation soon.

Sherry, hope you both have a great drive this afternoon and really enjoy the last of the beautiful fall days.

Becky, your poem was so touching and really beautiful.

Dee. as far as the outing at Oak Hammock on Tuesday afternoon? Well, it rained cats and dogs all day. We did indeed go, but found we were not able to actually take any nature walks. We sat in a restaurant high up overlooking the marsh and fields where the birds and animals gather. I did see three magnificent huge bald headed eagles. In fact I have seen several over the past couple of days not far from here. Such a majestic bird. In truth, there were more geese closer to our home in the fields then at the marsh. Guess they were further out feeding in the marsh.

Sorry to say that winter is just about upon us. Drove back up from the city this afternoon in freezing rain and snow. The high is only 3C. Afraid we have run out of luck. On the bright side...I love a freshly fallen snow that covers everything. It is so pure and white. Looking forward to making snow angels and snowmen with my grandies at Xmas. Should be a ton of fun.

Banu...I know this first period is filled with so much anguish. Hold tight and always know that people here care and you are not alone. Your precious son sounds like he was an amazing friend and son. Thanks for the music.

Greg...always enjoy that song even if it does hurt. Hope you are doing okay.

Leah? Thinking of you.

Kate

[Angel'sSon]

Check out this video on YouTube:

The feelings of losing a child...hoping to see them...wondering whether he ll remember us... The love of a parent.... I hear this and the song one more day...whenever I feel like a rock and feel a spell of crying will make me feel lighter... Some times I feel when I cry for my son...I feel closer to him....holding on to him.... (((hugs))) everyone who lost and not know how to carry on

This song always makes me cry!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Lora----I'm sorry that there are circumstances where it makes it unsafe

for you to walk in the early a.m. ( bear sightings, .....yikes !), and the

strange man walking along beside you and asking questions. That is

scary. So, I'm glad that you decided against your walks. Please be

careful. Peace to you.

David-----thanks for your kind words. You are right.....though we at

BI are geographically far apart, in most cases,.....we are all here

together on BI, which gives us such a golden opportunity to relate

to each other, and help each other on this difficult and sorrowful road .

How I wish there had been this kind of site when my baby Lisa died

so many years ago, but there was no internet for the general citizen

in their homes. There was no real support groups etc. offered in

small-town areas. In very early days/months after the loss of a child,

there just are days when one can not come to BI to post or read. It is

the very nature of the grief process. We just don't have anything to say

or give when we are suffering and missing the child who has passed

on before us. We sit and wonder... why???, and come up with no

answers. Little by little we can come to BI.....perhaps a bit more often

and take the tiny steps forward. It is a slow process, to be sure......but

it must be taken at your own pace. No one can tell someone else who

is grieving how quickly they 'should' be progressing. So, I think that

your finding this site can possibly help you, and am so glad that you

have come to BI. Read/post just whenever you feel you can. If you must

step back for a period....no matter how long, or short a time.....you will

always be welcomed back. This is one of the reasons Bi is a good site.

Josh is always with you, no matter where you are. Peace & comfort, friend.

Becky----You wrote a lovely and heartfelt poem......just the words that JD

says, as he smiles down from heaven on you and your family. Thanks for posting.

Susan----- Continuing to send prayers for you. Remember...Dustin is

with you because you love him and he loves you. That will never change.

Keep coming to BI. We're always here.

Dee------We're off for a nice drive today......great weather. This week is to

be the end of warm days, I guess. Must enjoy it while we can. Still some

lovely colors left to see. I'll take my camera, and perhaps get a few pics.

Banu and Greg------Thanks for the music.

Hello, and best wishes to all Indigos who have'nt been here in awhile.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL IN THE INDIGO FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Thanks and I will keep coming back here...I have no choice!!! Being on here is my second family!!!!!