Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Oh good for momma robin. The mom and dad that built a nest on our little light fixture outside our bedroom door on the little balcony were so dear. They tend to the babies and really work to raise them well. I was glad to watch. Then one day after the babies were practicing standing on the balcony edge, they were gone. I may take the nest to school. I have two old nests taht I found on sidewalks over the years. The kids learn what amazing architects birds can be.

[mrsduc]

Today I went to another medium and what I liked about her, was she recorded the whole hour and sent me the recording. So if I forget anything I can listen to it. But it iis through dropbox and for some reason it is not allowing me to down load it. I would prefer to have it on my computer so I could then put it on a SUB to save it forever in Robert's curious cabinet that I have made a memorial for him. Robert told me that I was a complicated women, and I told him he was too. He was very much into letting me know he loved me and he is sorry to have hurt me, thAt was not his purpose and I told him that I understood and that he needed to know that I am so proud of what he did because he felt that was a he had left to do since he had tried everything in this world to help him with all the pain and torment going on in his head. I d knew that was

I loved him and I know he loves me, but he is finally at peace. He said he will be waiting for me on the other side when it's my time to leave this EArth, then he said that I am not going to die any time soon. Robert said that after he died he then saw I really did not have anyone in my life and it made him sad. He told me that I was such a strong women and that to pick myself up and now is the time for me to do the .gs that I have wanted to do. I ha've had many people over the years tell me I am so strong, well none of them mean anymore then hearing my son talk me from heaven

[ericasmom]

Quiet all around today and yesterday, just a few posting. Betsy I hope that your exploration of Florida brings you great and wonderful surprises.

Robert's Mom, I have not gone to even one medium and here you have gone to two. I think it is a good thing, maybe one day I will also do this.

Sherry, the weather was HOT HOT HOT today and I was downtown right across from Buckingham where LOLLAPALOOZA is taking place. It is packed with folks and so many bands. They started playing in the morning today and by tonight, the crowds are at the scary stage for me, too big. I have never gone to LOLLA_PALOOZA but I think that if ERz was here she would have gone and maybe still be going. My Son hates giant crowds such as that so he is thankful to not be there. There were many undercover police all over the city as well as many hundreds of uniforms on the street, on bikes, on horseback, on segways, on foot and in cars. I hope that it is a peaceful evening, peaceful concert all weekend long.

[ericasmom]

If you want to see the crowd and listen to the music currently playing at LALAPALOOZA you can google Lalapalooza 2012 live streaming, it is nice to see in the comfort of one's hom e.

[Jeff's Mom]

Quiet all around today and yesterday, just a few posting. Betsy I hope that your exploration of Florida brings you great and wonderful surprises.

Robert's Mom, I have not gone to even one medium and here you have gone to two. I think it is a good thing, maybe one day I will also do this.

Sherry, the weather was HOT HOT HOT today and I was downtown right across from Buckingham where LOLLAPALOOZA is taking place. It is packed with folks and so many bands. They started playing in the morning today and by tonight, the crowds are at the scary stage for me, too big. I have never gone to LOLLA_PALOOZA but I think that if ERz was here she would have gone and maybe still be going. My Son hates giant crowds such as that so he is thankful to not be there. There were many undercover police all over the city as well as many hundreds of uniforms on the street, on bikes, on horseback, on segways, on foot and in cars. I hope that it is a peaceful evening, peaceful concert all weekend long.

Dee, yes, it has been quiet. I have been reading on and off, but not much to say. How did your day at the art camp go? I'm sure it was really interesting and hopefully also enjoyable. Our weather is just going nuts this weekend. Coming from the west and the states. Cold meeting with hot air flows. There are extreme weather watches for tonight and tomorrow. Possiblility of hail the size of golf balls or larger and tornados coming from both north and south of here. We spent the day in the city. Drove back up with hordes of weekenders that were driving like lunatics. This is a long weekend for us. In our area we are celebrating the Icelandic Festival. Three fun filled days of many different activities. Viking re-enactment camp, concerts, massive sand castle contest, fireworks, parade, etc. However the weather is very concerning. From in the 30's C to dipping to 12C (55F) tonight. Then up and going down again. Really scary stuff. It;s the extremes that have me worried. I have been up here all of my life as a cottager and now a full time home owner. I have never seen storms like this.

Linda..I have never actually gone to a medium. I am so happy that you are finding a sense of direction and some peace in your life. I am sure that Robert does indeed want you to be happy and live out whatever time you have left in some degree of happiness. And yes, you are going to see him again when the time is right.

Sherry, the robins sound adorable. We had the cutest little baby robin a few weeks back. Obviously his mother had prompted him to try to fly. He managed to make his way onto our gazebo on a small metal piece. He stayed there the entire afternoon frozen in fear. I could not stop worrying about him. At one point I finally put some water into a small dish and placed it into a hanging plant on the side of the gazebo. That prompted him to fly away. I guess I scared him into moving. They are nesting in our yard. This morning I saw him perched on our ornamental cherry tree looking like a pro.

I just wanted to bring up a concern of mine in regards to the poor eating habits of many young people these days. In this hurried life we live many seem to feel that taking the time to eat properly is not important. So many live on fast foods and take out establishments. Fine if it is done occasionally. However, done many times a week it can have serious repercussions. A friend of mine called a few days ago to tell me that her son in his mid thirties had suffered a heart attack. One artery was blocked 90%. They performed surgery and placed a stent in. He is now out of ICU. The cause? Bad diet. He looked the picture of health. Definitely not overweight. Just ate all the wrong things. He was one lucky young man. The Cardiologist told him that it is definitely on the rise. So, we aware everyone. Youth does not protect you from dropping dead. Think heart smart!

Carol...thinking of you and Ralph. Also hope everyone else is doing alright. Take care.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Kate stay safe, yes, the storms are extreme, the weather is extreme, the drought is unbearable for so many, the fires in OKLAHOMA and there is no grass for the grazing animals. HOrses are being left abandoned along roadsides as farmers and owners can't afford the hay and the animals went through the winter feed already due to no grasses to eat this summer. I am praying hard for a good way for us to figure this out but we must turn our climate around and in order to do this, we have to change our ways. We can't keep thinking that someone else will figure this out. We have to figure this out.

Kate the full moon is smiling into the house, it is called the Sturgeon moon, and we will have two full this month. According to its name, this moon is supposed to see a good time for fishing, many fish.

The Art Camp was not how it was last year and for that I am disappointed though I get it. THe volunteers this year were behind the scenes the whole time, not interacting much at all with the kids, so I probably won't do it next year. I know that those paid are trained in grief work and so they are vetted to an extent too, where as we volunteers do not have a background check or anything. So this year was much less involved. If I am going to volunteer, I need to be actively involved in what I do and with my background in grief, I felt that I was a bit of an asset. Oh well. It is a great program, the decisions were based on doing what is best for the kids.

[daveydow1]

Kate----Your little robin friend must have been so cute, and a delight to watch. I've

read that robins don't return to the same nest to lay eggs a second time. However...

this nest outside my bathroom window has has mama birds laying eggs & tending

to the hatching broods twice. So that fact is disputable, I guess. Sorry that your

weather is so very crazy. This has been a crazy summer, weatherwise, all over

the place. The Icelandic Festival sounds so nice. Hope you are enjoying it. As for

lunatic drivers.......ARGggghhhh. They seem to be everywhere. So true what you

said about poor diets contributing to health problems. Fast food places are def

the biggest contributing problem, I think.

Dee-----The Lollapalooza Concert must be a very big draw for music-loving people.

I've never been to one either. Those crowds......when they get so large.......can be

scary, I agree. The widespread drought is so worrisome.....with all of the things it

will effect, like food prices, and so many other things. We, here in Ohio, have been

luckier than those in the farther midwest with that extreme lack of rain, withering

crops, and lack of reserve feed for animals. I'm sorry that the Heart of Art Camp

was a dissappointment this year. Maybe next year it will be better, or of course....

there's never a shortage of places to volunteer one's services. If you decide not to

volunteer at the Heart to Art Camp next year, it will be their loss, as I know that you

have so much to offer to those dear kids. Must rush off here........having a picnic

here at our house at 6, and have some other things to do to prepare. My brother

is home for a visit from New York.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

We had guests to dinner, old friends of my husband so it was a nice evening. John made Jumbalayia and I made a key-lime pie. It was good. We had a BIG storm about an hour and a half before they came, huge winds and some heavy downpours with a lot of lightening. They closed down Lalapalooza before the storms, got all those folks out of there until the radar was clear again. The concert resumed a few hours later. The storms are heading to OHIO Sherry.

Goodnight All

[mrsduc]

I must say my days after seeing the medium have not been the great sincce I have slept almost ever since. Slept so much I cannot sleep now and it is 3:30am. But I so at peace at this moment when it comes to my son. I do recommend that anyone that is hurting for however their loved one has died that they might research and hopefully find a good medium to help you get in touch with your loved one and it does make such a difference. I made my questions so that the medium could not answer them and the answers that she would give could only mean they came from Robert or she was a fake. And she was no fake. Robert told me that he was so sorry and I told him honey I love you and completely understand and that I was proud of him for doing what he felt he had to do for himself. That I loved him and missed him. And he told me that I need to start living life for me that I have not done that for so long that I need to learn how to do that again and if his brothers come into my life fine, but that I am trying too hard and that you can't make them come in. He also said taht he taps me on the shoulder alot but I did not know this. He told me that he hears me talking to him most all the time and that he does answer me even if it is my voicce in my head it is him talking to me. I try so hard to believe that but that is hard one for me. I wish that I could be able to hear him when I am at the medium but that is not how it works. She also did a reading on me and what she said about me was so right on it was amazing. She also without my husband being there did alittle bit on him by his name and birth date and she was so right on. She had recorded the time we had and sent me a copy through dropbox.com but I do not know how to download it from there. I am able to listen to it but I cannot seem to understand how to download it even when I have dropbox on my computer. Well in week I will be off to visit a biirth sister that I have not seen in 12 years and I am excited an nervous. At first it was suppose to be only us three girls and now it is everyones boyfriend coming. Just not the same if you ask me. But at the same time my husband is my safe rock who helps me thru everything and if I am not comfortable he knows how to get me through things. So that makes me happy. He is thinking of staying at a hotel so that we can be alone at night. I not sure what to do about that. But I will let him see what is best for him and his foot. Becase I know driving 3 hours is alot when it comes to his bad leg. He gets in so much pain. I feel so bad for him, but I know what he is going thru so much because I have the same nerve damage that he has but just not as suver as his. I knw that I talk alot about myself but I do think about you all and try to understand how you started to move on. I still am having a hard time getting the hell out of bed. And eating just is not a big thing for me. Heck my stomach never growls anymore to let me know that I am hungry. So it is hard for me to think about eating. So those are two things I know I need to work on. I want so badly to be able to get out of bed and even if I don't get dressed for a couple of days atleast I am out fo bed. But I have not been able to do that much. Then when I get the puppies I plan on staying downstairs and blocking off the stairs so that I can be on one level when potty training them. And once I know that they are potty trained and can make it thru the night they will be able to go upstairs and sleep. Stairs are very hard for me and my husband because of all the damage in both of out feet and legs. No we can not move right now. We are going to have move in with my dad soon enough, and that is one lever, which will be so much better for us. But hopefully it will be after I can get the dogs potty trained and also trained in other ways. Well going to stop. Once again I have rambled on and on. sorry. Just my life is not the best but its not the worse either and I am trying to do the best I can with the help of my husband. We have started counseling just to strengthen our marriage. We have been together almost 23 years and we both have a hard time communicating and comprimise so we both decide it was time to get some help so that we can have 20 or so better years. Not that all these years have not been good, but we just want better. we both are tired of trying to communicated and not knowing how because we grew up in both very disfunctional homes, so we were not taugh any skills. But are love for each other is so deep and strong that I could not image my life without him in it. It scares me to allow myself to love someone as deeply as I love him, because when he does die it will be so hard on me. But I try so hard not to think about it for I try to stay in the moment.

[Jeff's Mom]

Linda, you sound so much more positive and at peace. I am really happy that you were able to get some much needed sleep. I have never actually attended a medium personally. My sister took me to see Silvia Brown (sp) a few years ago. It was held in a large room and so there was no opportunity to actually have a reading done She did however pick people from the audience to tell them a couple of things about their lives. It was a ramdom pick from the ticket numbers.

I was sitting so close to her that I really had a good opportunity to observe her. She did spend a great deal of time looking directly at me. To the point it made me feel very uneasy. Perhaps she saw what was about to happen with Jeff. Anyway, I too have experienced the tap on the shoulder many times. It is usually at night if I waken to go to the washroom. I just smile to myself and it gives me a sense of happiness and a feeling that I am not alone. I can hear him in this house at night. There is often movement that can not be explained. And it does not creep me out one little bit. None of that bloody, scary stuff like you see in movies. Just the knowledge that the dead are actually still alive in another place hidden by a thin veil. My son would never have harmed a fly and so I have no need to concern myself.

Dee...your dinner sounds delicious! My mom visited New Orleans many years ago and came home with a cook book filled with amazing recipies. There is one called Black Bottom Pie. The Jambalaya is absolutely wonderful! Yes, we saw pics of the concert in Chicago and the storm on our weather network last night. I thought of you at the time. Glad it was not like the last one.

Sherry...yes, the birds in our yard are interesting to watch. And it has been fun to see that little robin all speckled and fluffy grow to a chubby youngster and find his wings. Hope you did not get that storm that headed from Illinois. We had rain and cool temps all day yesterday. It was actually refreshing to feel a chill in the air. We had to turn the heat on! Today is sunny and again getting fairly warm. High 20's. (78F). A real drop from the nineties of last week. They had to cancel the fireworks last night due to the rain and high winds off of the lake. So today all outside events for the festival are back on. It will be a busy time all around. The sand castle contest is just terrific. Amazing huge and very elaborate designs. Animals of all shapes and sizes, and other different designs, etc. Also a volleyball tournament on the beach, etc. The Viking re-enactment camp is interesting. They set up a huge camp that is authentic to the day. Everyone wears costume and they hold mock battles. There is also a large craft market that is nice to wander through. Huge parade tomorrow morning. Anyway, off for the day.

Thinking of all of you. Take care.

[Guest]

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[daveydow1]

Dee----The storm came here early this a.m. Lots of thunder, some lightning, but

not really a bad storm......lots of much-needed rain..., so all in all, was beneficial.

I imagine that the concert-goers at the Lollapalooza were disappointed that they

delayed it, but with safety for the crowds in mind, it was the best move to make.

Then, since they resumed the concert after the storm passed, then everyone

was probably enjoying the music. Your dinner sounds so good. I've never

made jambalaya. Did have some key lime pie a few times.....very good. It's

lucky that the storm moved through your area before the planned evening. Our

picnic went very well last evening. Good food, and lots of fun visiting with

everyone. A relative came with her 3 yr-old little boy, and 5 mo-old baby boy.

Of course, the little ones made a hit with everyone.

Kate------The Icelandic Festival sounds like such fun.....especially the Viking re-enactments,

and the marketplace, and sand castle-buildings. It must have gotten very chilly later,

so that you needed to turn on the heat. The mama robin in her nest on the drainspout elbow

is busily tending to her brood. They must be very small because their 'cheep' are very tiny.

I guess their sounds will get louder as they grow and reach fledgling stage.

Robertsmom-----So good to hear that you are getting the sleep you need, and that you are

finding peace. Your visits to the medium must have helped you a good deal. I'm glad for you.

On this rough journey it does take time, and we each must find our own pattern and way to

try and go on without our beloved children. Peace to you.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Having troubles posting reply. Will keep trying.

OOPS........I guess it did post.....although the Error Message said that

it couldn't connect with the data base.??????????

This computer has been doing crazy things for the past week or two.

[ericasmom]

Lora, so good that the run/walk went well and that you and Bobby's family can see that they will never be forgotten. I don't run, back issues, but I hope that planning to run the 5K will help you look forward to the event next year. Our event in our backyard is yearly as well and it does let us know each time, that folks want to keep coming back that they want to remember Eri.

Kate, I forgot to mention and Sherry's post reminded me, that the Icelandic Fest sounds wonderful. Yes the food last night was very good, husband is a good cook.

Sherry, I am glad to know that you were blessed with rain, we got some but not as much as other areas to the south of us. It is all welcome however. The picnic sounds like a great time, what foods did you have? Kids do always make a party don't they? I just came in from next door where my dear friend hosted a yard shower for her son and dil for the soon to be grandbaby. I made peach and blueberry cobbler and there were other deserts too. They had it catered but it was all appetizers. Good idea. It is gorgeous out today.

[ericasmom]

Sherry, it was not your computer, it is this site, it gave me the same message.

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Oh.....THANKS for telling me that it was the BI site. With all the glitches

I've been having with my computer, I just assumed that it was more problems

coming my way with it. Your blueberry/peach cobbler sounds so good. I made

a blueberry/peach pie about a month ago. It turned out pretty good.....surprising,

since it was the first time I had made that particular combination of fruits in a pie.

For our picnic we had: pasta salad, baked beans, macaroni salad, veggie tray w/ dip,

chips, BBQ smoked sausages, chocolate cake, and watermelon......along with pop,

and iced tea to drink.

My brother....home visiting from NY, came over today for a visit, and we went over

some genealogy info, and I gave him copies.

Good thing we had the picnic Sat. evening rather than today......cloudy & rainy here.

A welcome cooling off.

[Guest]

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[mrsduc]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain. I do not know when you had your loss but it sounds like it was not too long ago, because I can hear the pain in your words. My son died in Jan 4th and laid in his bed with his two dogs for 2 weeks before anyone found him. It breaks my heart for him laying there and I had been trying to call and I think I already knew because we were so connected that I just a really bad feeling. And I am so glad that both of his dogs survived the two week ordeal since there was not any food that we could find or water in that house for them. But one of the dogs had to be pulled off him and that dog had parasites in her and it took the vets to give her special medication to get her well. So I am thankful that they are doing fine. But you can open up here because I want you to feel comfortable to be able to type here even if you have to scream and cry. I would like to learn about your child. That was what someone told me when I came to this page so I made a memory page with pictures and it has helped me alot. You are in my prayers.

Roberts mom, I have also thought about a medium. If it gives you peace of mind, I think it was worth. Someday when I feel strong, I may try one. Yesterday was the 5k for Cara and Bobby. It was a nice event thrown together quickly but they had 175 people registered. My cousin and I walked in the morning at 5:30, we walk over 3 miles, then went and walked the 5k and after, they had a mile awareness walk for Bobby. Probably walked around eight miles yesterday. Bobby OD on prescription drugs of someone, patches for pain for cancer. The sad thing was is this was a one time mistake for him, he was not a drug addict, just made one wrong decision. I think they made almost $3000 dollars. It will be 1000 dollar scholarship in memory of each of them. The rest will stay in the account for next year. It is to be an annual event. I had quite a few bad days beforehand and I prayed to God and asked Cara to give me the strength to make it through this event. They came through for me, I was good on Friday and Saturday. Today is not as good but I feel each time I cry it will help the healing. I think next year I might try to run the 5k. I am 51 but it will give me at least some kind of goal for next year. So glad I have you here. It is hard for me to share with other people but with all of you it is easy, you understand. I am not judged. Soccer team is also having a game in her memory, they asked me permission, I think anything to keep her memory and to help other people is ok with me. I also got the list of names who donated to our local SPCA, it was the charity I picked for people to donate to instead of flowers. They got a lot of donations for her, she loved animals and this made me happy that she could help out the local shelter. Love to all of you and thank you.

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo's, Here she is ! My first !

[ericasmom]

Is that lovely blossom an orange cana? Wow, so pretty. Here they are planted as giant bulb-like tubers. Do they just grow all season there? HOw are you?

[shorty16]

Hello my friends,

My car thermometer showed 57 degrees this morning. If I did not have to work, that would be short and tank top weather of us Wisonsinites!!

I would also like to ask for prayers for the senseless killing in a temple in Oak Creek, WI. this weekend.

We have a temple near us and we have NEVER had any trouble at all. They are kind, loving people who do not deserve this.

I am going to see what I can do to help. I can cook several meals and take them over. Anything to let them know that not all of us are crazy.

Take care my friends.

Colleen Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Col, good of you to reach out, was wondering how close that tragedy is to your home. How have you been? How is the family?

Trudi? Kathy? Carol I know you are pretty much living at the hospital with your Beloved. Prayers for healing.

[shorty16]

All my friends

We are about 30 minutes NE of the temple shoot.

A second temple exists in Brookfield, about 2 miles from my house. That temple has been there since I can remember. We have NEVER had any trouble or even know they are there!!

We will se what I can do to help.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmum]

Colleen ~ Prayers for your community as they face this horror. We are getting bits and pieces about the shootings and the shooter.. Beyond belief. I know you have much to offer to those hurting.. Thoughts with you always.

Betsy ~ Love the brightness of the lillies....love your work.

Dee ~ how goes the holidays? Any more info on your trip to Boston??

Here the days are getting lighter, the Daffodils are sprouting on mass Things on the home front not so good, but hey I have a great cafe and a devoted puppy, life isn't as bad as it seems....

Thanks to Kathy (Summergirl) for 'saying his name'. Its from I think her time at Gin Beach a place of great memories for Kathy & Jessica..

[Jeff's Mom]

All my friends

We are about 30 minutes NE of the temple shoot.

A second temple exists in Brookfield, about 2 miles from my house. That temple has been there since I can remember. We have NEVER had any trouble or even know they are there!!

We will se what I can do to help.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

Colleen, I'm afraid I was not aware of another killing. Please fill me in. I have not had the news on for two days. We had another long weekend and things were hectic. Please tell me there was not another shooting.

Maddy, thinking of you tomorrow as you once again hold you dear girl close as you celebrate her angel anniversary. Rachael, wrap your arms around your mom and send her your love and support.

Sherry, I am glad that you are finally having some cooler weather and a good rainfall. Enjoy your visit with your brother!

Linda...hope you had a nice weekend.

We had a lovely few days. Temps just great! Today a terrific breeze off of the water, and a lovely sun. Enjoyed all of the festivities. We attended the fireworks last night set off from the lake. They are getting better each year. So many really elaborate ones this year. Very nice. The parade this morning was fun. Thank heaven for the Shriner's! They put on a huge show for the kids. It was another hit.

Headed back this afternoon to pick apples from our trees. They are ripening very quickly and falling like crazy. Raccoons and birds are picking them clean. I want to make some pies and fruit crisp. There is nothing nicer than a fruit crisp. I'm sure your neighbours really enjoyed it yesterday, Dee.

Betty...what a beautiful cana! I'm sure you are enjoying it. Thanks for posting this pic.

Carol...thinking of Mike and you.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Colleen....I just checked the news. It is terrible. We have a large Sikh community in our city. When is this senseless killing going to stop? When can we learn to live beside each other in peace and harmony? This planet is falling apart. Global warming, etc. We should be working together to find a way to continue. We are all God's creatures...and anyone that thinks he is special is going to get a major wake up call!

[Guest]

.

[mysonrich]

Dee, it is a orange cana and a lovely surprise it was this morning.

Sherry, sounds like a very nice visit with your brother. In what little genealogy I have researched I have found that the Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints have the largest database in the world . Very time consuming work and at times, surprising finds.

Trudi, its good to see Mike. I have missed you both. I also miss your work. maybe with the warmer weather you'll be able to get out and about more. take care, I wish there was something I could do to help.

Colleen, the manner in which you embrace others is truly inspiring. Your deeds will not be forgotten by the families of the victims, the members of the temple.

today I have Kourtney on my mind. It may be due to the color orange.

beautiful Bethany. Sunny Jason. Tavian's Mom, Jessica. My handsome son, Rich. 4 young people that died from sudden heart death of some sort or another. Very active and fit young people. how many more read here and don't post? Its not always diet. It just is. there are many time no clear answers to our questions.

kate, thanks for the PM. I did get back to you. Thanks for writing.

the sun will be uo before I know it so I will say my good-night. may we all have soothing dreams.<br clear="all">

[Sholl1955]

As we hear the news of yet another mass shooting and the loss of life, my first thoughts are for those who have senslessly lost loved ones and have to go down this horrible road of loss that we deal with on a daily basis and to know that someone else is going to suffer this pain that all of us here know too well. What a world we live in. My prayers are with them as they struggle.

[ericasmom]

Prayers and HOPE we must find our HOPE as it wanes in the face of so many tragic events. I don't understand the hate factor that is so prevalent, how does it manage to run the lives of so many? I get afraid and that is when I realize that I am letting my fear get a stronghold, I guess just like some let hate get a stronghold. So I am going to have to really work on that fear thing, it takes up too much of life, of each day.

[Jilly's mom]

I have been pondering a conversation I had last week with a very wise, dear friend. We were discussing TIME. We don't really have a concept of FOREVER here on Earth. Fast food takes "forever." Red lights take "forever" to change. It takes "forever" for our computer to boot up. Our vacation desinations take "forever" to get to. (Are we there yet? Are we there yet?")

Oddly enough, it takes just a M...INUTE for our kids to grow up. It was just a "minute" ago that I was in high school or became a nurse. Ask a 90 year old when she first watched TV for the first time in her life....she will likely say "it seems like just a minute ago, but it was years."

When our kids fall down, or get a shot, or stung by a bee, or some other painful thing, we hold them close, let them cry and try to soothe them by saying "shhhh, it will be ok. It will only hurt for a minute, then you will be fine." Of course, to them, it feels like "forever" that they will be hurting.

I believe that God is holding us close in our time of hurt and pain. He is trying to soothe us and saying "It will only hurt for a minute, and then you will be fine." Of course, to us, it feels like forever. In the grand scheme of eternity though, our lifetimes ARE only "just a minute". Where Jilly is at in eternity,( being able to see in front of us, as we can't here on Earth because we are bound by bodies, space and time and she is not) we are already together again, flying at the speed of thought, exploring all that there is to explore,(can you imagine???) and happily doing whatever work God would have us do. How weird it must be to actually not have time exist!

Many of us will hurt "forever" because of Jilly's physical death. We want so badly to see her for "just another minute," although that would never be enough. The scars we bear from the pain are those she created by coming into our lives, dancing all over our hearts, and then leaving us to explore parts unknown. I will bear my scar with pride. I would rather have had her for those too short 19 years (which seemed like a minute) than to never have had the joy, love and heartache of not knowing her at all. She is not gone....she is simply not HERE for now. Like beloved family waiting for us at the end of a long journey, she is simply at the other end of my destination. I just don't know how many more "miles" it will be before I get there. She has been gone "just a minute" and "forever" all at the same time.

I will be with her again FOREVER someday. I will try very hard not to keep asking God "are we there yet? Are we there yet?" as I come closer and closer, day by day to our final destination. I will be there when I get there. In the meantime, I will try very hard (and fail on many days) to enjoy the scenery along the ride. Will you join me?

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, well I have once again not been able to post on here, it has just been so hard to except, I think I cry more and hurt worse now then I did when it first happen and I guess it's like everyone keeps telling me that the shock of it is wearing off and the cold hard facts are staring me in the face even Brian's little brother our Kaleb has been crying and talking about his brother more he broke my heart this morning when I had asked him if he had gotten his clothes on he had a dental apt this morning and he said I was asking God to give us back Brian his kids need him mom and it didn't work! he had tears in his eyes all I could do was hug him and try to explain we cant have him back, all he kept repeating was his kids need him, he just broke my heart, then I found out this morning that my sisters best friend of 30 +years father passed in his sleep last night my sister loved him and thought of him as a second father. just seems like there is so much sadness anymore. on a good note, my DIL Traci (Brian's wife) talked to my son Brett on Sunday and she seems to think he will call me soon, I hope he does I miss him so much.

Louise, I loved what you wrote , so much truth in it and beautifully written.

and Dee, Kate, Sherry , Roberts mom, and everyone else Just know I am thinking and praying for all of you. Take Care

[daveydow1]

LOST MY POST SOMEHOW.......GRRrrrrrrrrr ( Oh well.......next time.

[ericasmom]

Brenda, good to see you though I sure get what you are feeling, it is a raw cold rain and one feels all alone in it. I do so hope that your Son will call and that he finds his way back to you and the family.

Sherry, hate when that happens.

Louise, your words are filled with what we so often feel and are not able to put to word. Your words are lovely.

[shorty16]

Louise,

I loved you post about forever.

I agree with you. Our minds are finite. We cannot comprehend FOREVER as the Lord does or as our kids do now.

I will see my Brian again.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Jeff's Mom]

Louise, I liked your post about forever very much. Nicely written.

Sherry, yes, I hate it when you are merrily typing along and then lose the darned thing!

Maddy...if you are reading today. Hope your kids liked the jewellery. How are you doing today on Rachael's angel date?

Brenda, so sorry that you are experiencing those difficult days of sadness. Hang in there.

Our weekend was very nice. Apart from Saturday...which rained cats and dogs...the weather could not have been better for our Icelandic Festival. One thing that did hit home however was the obvious feeling of aloneness that we both felt as we attended many events. Most people were with their families and grandies. It sure hit home that Jeff was no longer part of our gathering on this special weekend. Gosh, I miss him so much. Every time I would see two boys about the same age as my sons...I would feel the tears well up. It's hard having to force it back down. Still, life does have to go on. And Louise is so very right. This pain is fleeting in the grand scheme of things.

I would like to ask all of you to say a prayer for two young women in their very early twenties that were killed in a house fire on Saturday night. They lived not far from us. One of the girls brother's was also in the house... but managed to make it out with serious burns. Such pretty young girls and so young.

Trudi....sounds as if winter is finally beginning to lose its hold. How long does winter last down there? Just how cold do the days get?

Carol...always thinking of you and the family and your dear man.

Dee...guess school preparation is just around the corner. Good grief...it seems just last week you were talking about summer vacation! Time sure flies.

Thinking of all of you. Take care.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

RACHAEL RACHAEL RACHAEL

Wrap your loving arms around your dear Mom today and send her your love.

[andy88]

Hello Dear Ones,

I know, it's been a loooooooong time since I've posted here. Maybe that's a sign of healing, but I was just thinking about all of you and I realized I miss you! Colleen and Dee and Sherry and Carol and Tony and everyone! I know I've missed a bunch of names, but the memory just ain't what it used to be, so please forgive me. I sadly welcome the new folks I see here. This site is an absolute godsend...you will find so much love, wisdom, and healing here. I hope everyone is well. Would love to know how everyone is doing. Oh, and here is a beautiful daylily specially created and named for my beloved Andy! I hope it brightens your day.

I'm going to make a vow to be here more often. Blessings and love to all.

[daveydow1]

RACHAEL.......RACHAEL.....SWEET ANGEL RACHAEL. REMEMBERING YOU.

Maddy----Sending thoughts & prayers.

[andy88]

Happy Angelversary Rachael!

[daveydow1]

Betsy-----Yes, I've read that the LDS site in Salt Lake City is a great place

to do genealogy research. I've never been there, but my cousin has been

there twice, at least. She's very into genealogy. Thanks for posting the

pic of your beautiful orange canna. Just lovely, and something to be so

proud of growing.

Louise------Thanks for your post on TIME. You have written it so well.

Your're right.......sometimes we feel like the loss of our child is like

"a minute ago,......and forever, at the same time". This is a rough and

lousy road to be on.....for sure. Peace to you, friend.

Dee-----Yikes!....Yes, school is just around the corner, and it does seem

like only yesterday that summer break was coming up for you. The mama

robin is busy with her brood in their nest outside my bathroom window. I catch a little

peek now & then, but I have to be quiet or she flies away. The little ones are

getting bigger, and I can see their open mouths above the nest when the mama

flies back in with food for them.

Colleen----I've been reading about the hateful killing at the Sikh place of worship.

Terrible. On a t.v. program of commentary about the killings, they had an expert,

and he said that such hate groups have only one religion.......skin color. Hard to

believe that such ignorance & hate can prevail in this country, but sad to say, it does.

Brenda-----I'm sorry that you are having a rough time of it. Please keep coming

to BI......we're here for you. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

RACHAEL- may you feel the constant love all around you and watch your Family as they learn new ways of living in your light.

[ericasmom]

Pam, so good to see Andy's smile tonight. That flower is beautiful, like your Boy. How are you?

Yes Sherry and Kate, I went into school yesterday to start unpacking boxes, will go tomorrow after tutoring and keep going a bit each day until it is done. A lot of work but husband does so much to help. He is a dearheart.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, hope things went well today at school. Your husband sounds like a very supportive person. And a lover of flowers and gardening...which spells a pretty decent guy.

Leah...if you are reading. Hope this rest is helping. Thoughts and prayers sent your way. Stay in touch.

We found out today that the two girls that died in the house fire over the weekend were dead of the smoke before the flames reached them. Thank God. One was only 21 years old. And a one year old child surviving to be raised. How sad and tragic. I wish I could begin to understand this master plan. At times like this I am left feeling as if I have had a huge hole blasted right into the middle of my stomach. How can we make sense of such heartwrenching loss? I feel like that little bird that sat frozen in fear as it left its nest a few days back in my yard. I need to take the necessary steps to move forward and I am truly trying. But every darned tragedy that I hear of brings it all back again. I used to think that life was just about clipping along and doing the best I could. Now I know that it is so much more then that. This is a learning journey. And I still have much to learn. If anything I have learned how little I do know. My elderly family were so right. With age comes wisdom. And that means letting go of my fear of living. Just do it.

Hope everyone that is new to this site is doing as best as they can. Thinking of all of you and sending love and my support.

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Dee, hope things went well today at school. Your husband sounds like a very supportive person. And a lover of flowers and gardening...which spells a pretty decent guy.

Leah...if you are reading. Hope this rest is helping. Thoughts and prayers sent your way. Stay in touch.

We found out today that the two girls that died in the house fire over the weekend were dead of the smoke before the flames reached them. Thank God. One was only 21 years old. And a one year old child surviving to be raised. How sad and tragic. I wish I could begin to understand this master plan. At times like this I am left feeling as if I have had a huge hole blasted right into the middle of my stomach. How can we make sense of such heartwrenching loss? I feel like that little bird that sat frozen in fear as it left its nest a few days back in my yard. I need to take the necessary steps to move forward and I am truly trying. But every darned tragedy that I hear of brings it all back again. I used to think that life was just about clipping along and doing the best I could. Now I know that it is so much more then that. This is a learning journey. And I still have much to learn. If anything I have learned how little I do know. My elderly family were so right. With age comes wisdom. And that means letting go of my fear of living. Just do it.

Hope everyone that is new to this site is doing as best as they can. Thinking of all of you and sending love and my support.

Kate

Hi Kate, I feel like since Brian was killed on a motorcycle that's all I hear of is motorcycle accidents, and just seems like there is so much sadness, I don't know maybe because we are so sad it just seems like that, this is defiantly a learning Journey you said it well,I cant think about Brian for more then a few seconds/minutes or I start feeling this over whelming heart ache, sadness, and I just feel sick, I think I say to myself everyday I cant believe this has happened! you hear of it happening to others but you just don't think it will happen to you . I miss my son so much, still have not heard a word from Brett, not even a text, even with everything Traci said he still has not tried to speak to me. and you know what I keep thinking ? this is my son who can do this, when is the next time he gets mad and I don't hear from him? this is an emotional roller coaster I do not need now, I love him but I just don't know what to think or feel. well my thoughts and prayers are with you take Care

Brenda

[summergirl]

Hello my dear friends....many, many days since I have been here...been going this a rough spot with Tavian and I am coming to my friends here for advice...this is where I come becuz you understand, you care and I trust no one else as I trust all of you.. Tavian has been having alot of anxiety lately, I finally had to take him to the doctor. I talked to the doctor before Tavian saw him and explained about Jessica (sigh) so he had a heads up - When he asked Tavian what was hurting he replied "my heart, it hurts sometimes and it beats really fast and I am afraid I am going to die like my mom did" - I was shocked to hear those words from him as he had never said them to me but a part of me was also not suprised as I always knew the day would come but never knew what to expect and did not expect this....anyway the doctor talked with him for quite a while, listened to his heart, told him he was very healthy and tried his best to explain "anxiety" to him. The doctor suggested he might want to go see a therapist to help him talk about things, etc. I have spent alot of time with Tavian and we have talked alot, he seems calmer since seeing the doctor but still not secure as he always was....I do not want him to feel this way at 10 years old !! I need your help, do I take him for therapy, do I just keep talking to him, reassuring him ??? Any words of wisdom is so very welcome....

I will be back, want to download a pic to show you.....Love and Hugs, Kathy...Jessica's mom always

[summergirl]

Took this pic at work today....it was outside on the butterfly bush - My "Jessica Butterfly"

Took this at Gin Beach where we camp.....My Jessica and her boy Tavian....

And this is me !! Tavian took this pic when we were camping and has made me promise to post it becuz he thinks "Mi-Mi looks really great in his hat" --- lol

Hugs, Peace and Strength my friends....

[BrendaDup59]

Hello my dear friends....many, many days since I have been here...been going this a rough spot with Tavian and I am coming to my friends here for advice...this is where I come becuz you understand, you care and I trust no one else as I trust all of you.. Tavian has been having alot of anxiety lately, I finally had to take him to the doctor. I talked to the doctor before Tavian saw him and explained about Jessica (sigh) so he had a heads up - When he asked Tavian what was hurting he replied "my heart, it hurts sometimes and it beats really fast and I am afraid I am going to die like my mom did" - I was shocked to hear those words from him as he had never said them to me but a part of me was also not suprised as I always knew the day would come but never knew what to expect and did not expect this....anyway the doctor talked with him for quite a while, listened to his heart, told him he was very healthy and tried his best to explain "anxiety" to him. The doctor suggested he might want to go see a therapist to help him talk about things, etc. I have spent alot of time with Tavian and we have talked alot, he seems calmer since seeing the doctor but still not secure as he always was....I do not want him to feel this way at 10 years old !! I need your help, do I take him for therapy, do I just keep talking to him, reassuring him ??? Any words of wisdom is so very welcome....

I will be back, want to download a pic to show you.....Love and Hugs, Kathy...Jessica's mom always

Hi Kathy, I too have a 10 year old, while he didn't lose his mom (me) he lost his big brother who even though Brian lived 300 miles away they both loved each other, my son was a wonderful father he had 6 children he left. anyway just this week Kaleb has begun to really talk about Brian, he told me yesterday that he talked to God and ask him to send Brian back because his kids really need him, but it didn't work mom! all I could do was hug him, I could not speak or I would have started crying , the doctor I take him too suggested I get him some counseling but I think I will see how he does, as for your grandson, If you can do it I think I would...kids will tell other people things they wont tell us for fear of hurting us or they think they might be disappointing us in some ways , I would just see how he does, you are such a wonderful positive influence in his life he may be fine with just time, he is also learning a new normal . and your pics were great . and you do look good in that hat!... Take Care Brenda

[ericasmom]

Kathy and Brenda, ten year olds are really thinking humans with their own set of morals and ideas forming from what they have lived through. They know grief intimately and have witnessed the vast changes in the ones they love most from the loss and the fact that some folks do die young really hits home for them. The reality of that is scary to those that can access how much they have grown and changed over the summer. I do think that as school inches closer, those with any extra baggage, (grief for instance) will begin to have more anxiety as they will be away from home 6 hours a day soon and that is a big change from the summer months. I am, as you know, an advocate for therapy if you can find a therapist that you and the child like. Kathy, you used to take Tav to a therapist didn't you? Is she/he still available? KIds need to be supported of course by those that love them most, but to have that outside the family person be able to help them put some perspective on their lives now is so valuable. That person can give them tools to use throughout their lives. I have suggested therapy to many of my students over the last 19 years of teaching and know how helpful it has been for those that have gone. The hardest part I think is finding the right one for your family. Good luck. (keep in mind puberty coming and if kids get used to using tools before puberty, the better it makes it for those difficult times that are inherent with hormone changes). Kathy, you do look good in the cap adn that butterfly, the swallowtail is one of my favorites.

Kate, I sure hope that the girls who perished in that house fire are somehow at peace in their new surroundings, that our Children are extending a hand to ease the transition. I will pray for the families of the girls, knowing what awaits them in the coming years. Prayers and more prayers.

[mikesmum]

Kathy ~ Absolutely love the pics especially the picture of you...no way are you a Mi-mi, you are one good looking lady. The tan is amazing...coming to you from clouds, rain and did I mention snow

Its hard to fathom the thinking of our grandchildren when someone in their family dies young. Its a life experience that not everyone has. Tavian is at an age now where thinking and trying to put it together can cause him angst. Losing his mum at such an early age, he does have that experience and wonders how that will impact on him personally/physically.

I have two grandchildren (Em 13 & Zak 10) who for whatever reason are finding it difficult to cope with what is going on in their lives. The sad thing is one of the 'solutions' they raise is dying. Mike taking his life when it seemed 'too hard' is an experience that sadly gives another dimension to their lives.

Seeing a counsellor or psychologist is a good thing. You have amazing communication with Tavian and that in itself is so important. Being able to talk his fears through and finding a comfortable place to be (the beach) all good things.

I know it wears you out, but you my friend are one amazing Mi-mi (mummy)

Watching the sky gently touch down to the ground and the temperature plummet from a warm ? 9C to 6C. Did I mention its noon??