Loss of an Adult Child

[tantraman8]

David, like Sherry, my child, Erica, died nine years ago. THere is nothing easy or kind about mourning the loss of your Child. Finding brief moments that make you feel a smile in your heart is a great thing, so sending something to your daughters that you know they will like is a great way to tap into that 'DAD' piece of you. Sometimes it is like making sure you are still somewhat that same person. We change a great deal when we lose our Child, and it takes a great deal of time and energy to find a way to feel like daily life is good again. Work also helped me greatly, as did this place. I also began to go to therapy at around the 6 month mark. Exhaustion is normal in this non-normal setting. It takes huge energy to grieve and that is in part why you must keep your physical self in shape. Our immune system gets attacked by the anxiety and pain and pure sadness, so making sure of eating fruits and veggies and some protein each day is important as is getting some time outdoors, just being outside in the natural world where you can hear birds and witness the change in seasons is a BIG reminder that the world is still functioning even if we are not. I know that your seasons don't change as they do here in the mid west, but there are some changes. Anyhow, taking care of your physical self will go a long way to helping you strengthen your emotional and spiritual self. All of our systems connected.

I wish you some good sleep, though I do know how elusive that that can be and so on nights when sleep won't be your friend, can you read a book until your eyes are too tired to stay awake? I find that I must have someone else's story to dive into each night before bed and if I wake in the night. I wish you well, keep coming here and letting us know about Josh, and his Sisters. I am also truly sorry that you lost your partner not too long ago. Feel free if you are able, to tell us about her as well.

Kathy, OW on those fingers of Tavians. Give him a little hug from me.

[tantraman8]

Dear Dee,

I know it's been nine years for you, but I still want to say I'm sorry for the loss of Erica. You're right about the anxiety. I'm awakening with this, even more now it seems than when Josh first passed. I got up early yesterday and walked, for the first time in a while and then, I turned around and left work because I felt overwhelmed, like I had nothing in the tank to give my patients.

Thanks for the reminder of taking care of myself physically. I am trying to find a balance between "pushing myself" and collapsing on the couch. It's funny, Dee, but I think I was functioning better in the first three months, than I am now. I may have been running on shock and denial energy and now a huge part of me just wants to go fetal.

I'm glad I found you and this community. The sense of aloneness is heavy, though I suspect part of the Divine plan for me is to be talking with you on here, that maybe a gift of Josh's passing is for me to reach out and connect more. I love my three remaining adult children and my few good friends, and my co-workers.....and life right now feels scary and heavy with no end in sight.

I feel like this reply is a real downer. Your encouragement and reality checks around what to expect mean more than you know. I feel that I will lose everyone in the darkness of my grief.

Blessings to you,

David

[BrendaDup59]

Dear Brenda,

OMG, thank you for posting. One of the ways you helped me was the reality check around my physical conditions. I know these physical responses make sense in terms of our trauma, but THIS is unlike anything I've ever gone through before. I don't know what's normal, and sometimes that's scary....and, like you, sometimes I have a difficult time being compassionate with myself.

The other thing was your talking about Brian calling you (even from a deer stand). Josh was my most faithful caller (of my four children). My head knows it's our job to take care of our kids, but Josh's calls touched me deeply in my heart. I actually have an audio file of his last two voice messages to me. A friend recorded them off of my voicemail and made me a wave file. Not being able to call Josh, knowing that there are no more calls from him feels SO SAD, indescribably sad, and you, and people on here GET it.

I'm guessing Kaleb knows how sad you are. And, not being able to be there, the way you'd like has to be incredibly painful. Outside of work, I find I have little to give others. One thing I do with my adult daughters, is send them some fresh roasted coffee from a place in Bisbee, Arizona where the owner imports them from free trade farms. Very few things bring me joy right now. Whenever, I'm able to give to those I love, even in the form of coffee, it's a small ray of sunshine. I'm going to try to post some Josh pics. I AM technologically challenged!!

Thanks again for writing. We are close to the same place on this healing journey. I wish our losses hadn't happened, and I am grateful for your presence on my journey.

Sending tenderness,

file://localhost/Users/davidkerr/Downloads/Josh_0001.jpg

David

Hi David, you know I wrote this long reply last night and lost it somehow, I see it happens to others so don't be surprised if it happens to you . anyway I was too tired to re write it It was a long day so I just went to bed. You know I am lucky enough to have a message on my phone of Brian the Thursday before he was killed ,He had called me but once again I had taken my mom shopping and had gotten home to his message and he had called to see if I could send him some money he was to start a new job the following Monday so I went out did that and came home and called him back so my last words to him were I love you Brian and he said I love you too mom, that would be the last time I spoke to him, the weird thing was I had been busy all day Friday and meant to call him I had this nagging feeling I should call and I didn't . and that bothers me but at least I have his silly message and the fact I told him I loved him. I am so grateful for that. I am a Migraine suffer and the stress had made me end up right back into a rebound cycle, so frustrating . as for Kaleb it bothers me more then him he is content for me to just leave him alone, I have tried to work with him trying to get him to read and go over math but you have no idea what a fight that is . but I did try. like I told Kathy he is just now really starting to process the loss of his brother and it breaks my heart. Like Dee says we do have to take care of ourselves because this journey we are on the rest of our lives is a hard one, I don't know if you read what I wrote to Kathy but Kaleb is Brian's twin 23 years apart they look alike and act alike I think God knew I would need him . Brian was crazy about his little brother always told me he would take care of him if something was to ever happen to me and my husband . I think the hardest question I keep asking myself is WHY ? why my son you always hear about others losing their children but you never think it will be you , and I know I will never know the answer ,I just miss him so much it is a physical pain. some days worse then others so glad you got to have his voice on a wave file something you will always have. Kaleb will be starting school next week so I will have a lot of quiet time I sure have enough house work to do I have let things go , I think I am going to paint my kitchen . lol well I sure hope you have a better day , oh the pic would not open , if you look you will see a box below that says attachments and then a browse button well the browse button will take you in your computer where his pics are you then find the picture you want and hit open it should put the info in the box next to browse box and then you push the attach this file then at bottom add reply . I hope I am not offending you trying to explain .Looking forward to seeing pictures. maybe someone on here can explain it better if I have confused you . Have a good day and be good to yourself. Take Care Brenda

[ericasmom]

David, not a downer at all, this is the place to let your blues show, let them leak all over the screen, it is what will eventually help you heal. I promise. Thanks for your sentiments toward my Girl's death. She was struck by an Amtrak at a broken crossing, lived 6 days-nver awake and really I never felt her to be in that body any more, instead, she was like Tinkerbell on the headboard next to all the machines that were giving her those days to say goodbye. I miss her all the time, but as I stay on this site to say and repeat, it will one day be a softer pain, one day laughter will burst forth from you again and it will clear out some of the dust of grief. At first you may feel guilty with laughter, but think of Josh, didn't he love the sound of your laughter as you loved his. His laughter will echo in yours. The reason for feeling raw now more than at first is just as you said, the shock. I too felt the pain much more intensely, the panic and the anxiety after the 3 or 4 month mark, and it continued on heavy for the first year and transformed along the way. The second year was hard as well but we find our balance a bit more and find ways to avoid some of the triggers, not always though and as you know in your line of work, the triggers are sometimes what we need to allow our grief fully. May you feel supported here and know that you will always be the Dad of Josh's heart.

Carol, any news?

[tantraman8]

David, not a downer at all, this is the place to let your blues show, let them leak all over the screen, it is what will eventually help you heal. I promise. Thanks for your sentiments toward my Girl's death. She was struck by an Amtrak at a broken crossing, lived 6 days-nver awake and really I never felt her to be in that body any more, instead, she was like Tinkerbell on the headboard next to all the machines that were giving her those days to say goodbye. I miss her all the time, but as I stay on this site to say and repeat, it will one day be a softer pain, one day laughter will burst forth from you again and it will clear out some of the dust of grief. At first you may feel guilty with laughter, but think of Josh, didn't he love the sound of your laughter as you loved his. His laughter will echo in yours. The reason for feeling raw now more than at first is just as you said, the shock. I too felt the pain much more intensely, the panic and the anxiety after the 3 or 4 month mark, and it continued on heavy for the first year and transformed along the way. The second year was hard as well but we find our balance a bit more and find ways to avoid some of the triggers, not always though and as you know in your line of work, the triggers are sometimes what we need to allow our grief fully. May you feel supported here and know that you will always be the Dad of Josh's heart.

Carol, any news?

[tantraman8]

Dear Dee,

Thanks, and I certainly am "LEAKING." Tears and a grin as I read your words. Yes, Josh loved my laugh and I his. One thing I'm getting from your sharing is a validation of the normalcy of how things feel for me. It is easy for me to shame myself for not functioning better. In a half hour I will head for work and yesterday, for the first time since I came back (well, maybe the second), I had to leave. I just didn't have it. It is hard to go through each day with nothing to look forward to....SO, the second thing your replies do is offer me some hope.

My three surviving kids (and grandkids) are in Ohio. And, I know that's a good thing because I would not want them to feel pulled into taking care of me. They all have their own challenges (daughter's have young kids and relationships), surviving son is in a sober house.

One of my dear friends lost her ONLY son 10 months ago. She is a HUGE support and she is still in that first year.

So, Dee, thanks for seeing my grieving as OK....and sharing your journey. I struggle with how I will survive this.... how I will continue to work. Your support and that of others on here really helps.

Blessings,

David

[Jeff's Mom]

What you are saying about finding those little bits of happiness at the beginning are so very true Dee. I remember the first time I started to laugh in a deep way and it felt so good. I quickly felt overwhelmed with guilt that I was starting to enjoy something again. Yet you had to know my son. He was such a crazy easy going kid. He loved to laugh and make others do the same. David and Brenda...these are early days yet. You are going to have to take it one step at a time. If you are able to go into work and then feel a need to leave...well, just do it. The fact you got there at all is a step in the right direction. Brenda...you artwork is so good! I hope this time that is coming when you will have a few extra hours to yourself you will be able to throw yourself into what you love to do. Keep at it.

I so miss hearing my son's voice. He called regularly every day from the office. And he lived with us! Just to check in, as he called it. I asked the group at his office to please keep his voicemail message for me on his phone...but they deleted it. I was heartbroken. It was the only recorded message I had of his voice. But I can still hear it clear as a bell.

An update on Jenelle. She is still in intensive care, as you would expect. Still in very grave condition. They are taking her into surgery this morning to set broken bones. They decided to keep her in the drug induced coma to help take the pressure off of her heart and other injuries. Her parents want them to do everything they can for her. She is hooked up to every imaginable machine. I continue to pray for her.

Carol? How are you? Did you make it home on Tuesday, as you had hoped?

Trudi...how are you doing these days? Has winter finally ended?

My goodness, it turned in really fresh last night. I had to turn on the heat to take the chill off. There is a very strong north wind today and the high is only 19C. Supposedly climbing to the high 20'sC by the weekend again. Sherry, I had picked a ton of apples the other day. Could not reach many that were at the top of the trees. The wind blew many down yesterday and today. I just looked at them and obviously the racoons are having a feast at night. Glad to see they are not going to waste. Have a decent day everyone.

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Well I thought I would show my latest drawing this is Bob the Bobcat he lives at the same rehab ranch in OK with the cougar , they gave me permission to use their pictures . I found out I could do this about 4 years ago during an ice storm we had here in KY , I had picked up a book on how to draw horses and was hooked and have worked really hard on getting better . Brian was one of my biggest fans I miss so much calling and telling him to check his email to see my latest one. I had drawn a deer for his birthday I had shown it to him online but never got the chance to give it to him so it went with him I laid it on him before they closed the lid . anyway I am starting to go a place where I don't want right now if you know what I mean so I will close I hope you all have a good day,

Kate I sure hope your friends niece pulls through . Thanks for keep us updated.

[westleysmom]

David-I am so sorry for your loss of your dear Josh. My only son (I have a daughter) died in his sleep January 2010. The official cause of death was combined acute intoxication, combination of alcohol and prescription drug of some type. He was not on any medication at the time, I never knew where he got it or exactly what it was, I have never read the ME report, I just can't. He would have been 21 six days after he died. He still lived at home and we were still going through that time when your kids are trying to become more independent and had had a few years of turmoil, many arguments and harsh words that still ring in my ears. How do you live with what you can't take back? I think that was the name of a song or a poem or something that I saw somewhere and that question still haunts me. Our last time we talked, though, we told each other I love you, and I have to hold on to that. I am sorry too for the loss of your partner, Westley's dad and I became empty nesters overnight and we are doing as well as we can. My daughter has two children, one was 18 months old when Westley died and doesn't remember him that well, although she brings him up from time to time now at 4. The younger is only a year old and will never know his Uncle Westley, which makes me very sad. Oh hell, everything makes me very sad. All the things you're going through sound very familiar and while I am still a mess sometimes, actually more often than not, some days are not completely consumed with my grief and I hope will give you hope for better days to come.

Brenda-Your drawings are really good, I can't draw a stick man myself. My son had been deerhunting a lot right before his death. He had killed a few deer when he was much younger, but during his teens didn't go as much. He never got one that last year, though. Personally, I think when he got in a deer stand, he dozed, which terrified me, thinking he might fall out of the tree. It also might explain why he didn't see any deer!

Kathy-I'm so sorry that Tav got hurt, he appears to be milking it in the picture though. I hope he mends well and soon.

Kate-I know what you mean about missing his voice. Westley had a gravelly voice, like Bobby Hill on King of the Hill if you've ever seen that show. They even called him that at school sometimes. I don't have it recorded except on videos, which there aren't many of after he was grown. I can hardly bear to look at the ones that I do have, I just dissolve when I see him alive and well on them, it hurts too bad to look. I wonder if I will ever be able to think of him and smile without crying at the same time. I hope your friend's neice is getting better.

It was so good to hear from Susannah and know that she is doing so well. I think of all of you even when I don't have it in me to post.

[Jeff's Mom]

Well I thought I would show my latest drawing this is Bob the Bobcat he lives at the same rehab ranch in OK with the cougar , they gave me permission to use their pictures . I found out I could do this about 4 years ago during an ice storm we had here in KY , I had picked up a book on how to draw horses and was hooked and have worked really hard on getting better . Brian was one of my biggest fans I miss so much calling and telling him to check his email to see my latest one. I had drawn a deer for his birthday I had shown it to him online but never got the chance to give it to him so it went with him I laid it on him before they closed the lid . anyway I am starting to go a place where I don't want right now if you know what I mean so I will close I hope you all have a good day,

Kate I sure hope your friends niece pulls through . Thanks for keep us updated.

Brenda...I have to say that for somebody that started to draw not long ago you have a real talent. You did an amazing job.

Rhonda...the first time I ate deer meat was at a pot luck hockey dinner for one of my sons. It was deer sausage. My husband did not tell me what it was at first... as I probably would not have had it. It was really good and prepared perfectly. However, as we have so many deer in our area I am a huge fan of the gentle guys. They frequently stroll through our property and just slowly graze on things. They are a lovely and majestic creature.

I remember the first time I came across videos of Jeff's hockey games. I worked up the courage to turn one on. I froze when I saw him. I agree that the first few times it takes a ton of strength to watch. Tears flowed easily, and yet I was mesmerized watching him. I am finding that I am now taking pictures out that I have placed in frames and leaving them around the house on shelves. It doesn't hurt as much to see them now. In fact, I find myself chatting to him often when I see him as I walk by.

Brenda...thanks for thinking about my friends niece. In actuallity I am not so sure about the outcome myself. Her injuries are so very extensive. Her future will be one of plastic surgery and rehab for the rest of her life. A very tough decision for her parents. My heart goes out to them and I pray God will give them the strength to make the right decision. Yet she is fighting this like a real trooper. I guess it is because she is so young that they are working so aggressively to save her.

It turned in sunny and the temps are slowly rising again. My dog was quite active today. Nice to see her so perky again. She follows me everywhere. Well, must run. Thinking of you all. Take care.

Love, Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks everyone for the compliments on my drawing, while I am glad I can do this right now I just do not have the joy I had doing it anymore I don't know maybe some day it will come back, right now I am making myself draw to just keep my mind and hands busy. I did get a new camera and decided to sit outside and try to take some hummingbird pics and I finally got some . I am still learning how to use this camera but I do like it. anyway I thought I would post a few I also got one of a cardinal and a Downy woodpecker and our Boxer girls the white one is Bailey we got her in December from a boxer rescue , the brown one is Nikki Kaleb's buddy she is getting old so that is why we got Bailey .everyone thinks Bailey is a pit bull but a vet verified she is a boxer with a tail and let me tell you that tail hurts when she beats you with it.

Kate , it is hard to believe that this young girl is hanging on, God Bless her and her family I will say a prayer for them .

[mrsduc]

Well we are not going this weekend to PA because it has gotten so out of control. First it was suppose to be at a hotel and just three sisters. Then it was going to be at my one sister's house because she was afraid of her 14 yr. old who is sickly. SO I agreed to that. Then she had told me that her boyfriend had moved in and would be there this weekend so it turned into all the guys coming too. Then I find out that she wanted me to come on Friday but she would not be home from work until Saturday morning. SO I was not about to go to her house when she was not there especially since I do not know her yet. Then she said that her daughter was sick and that she could only do it on SUnday and I said well I am not available on Sunday because I am going to be with her twin (I had planned to go to her twins, my other sister) and we were going to take her to a motel with an indoor pool and spend some time with her. But then the one twin said well bring her with you I guess and if she is good and does not start anything then it will be ok. Well I just had a sick uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and it was not something that I couuld do, so I canceled the whole weekend. The anxiety and stress was just too much for me. All the changes was driving me crazy inside. SO I don't know what or if I will ever get there to spend time with my one sister that has had nothing to do with me until now.

Well good news I got an email last night and my little male American Eskimo will be arriving next Saturday at 2:30pm. I can't wait. I have to pick him up at the cargo area which is away from the terminal. They told me to be there a half hour until the plane comes in and then they told me it would be another hour until he would come to the cargo area. So I don't know why I need to be there that early but maybe I have to go thru some type of security or they want to make sure that I am there since it is a live animal that is being picked up. Who knows. I have never done this before. So we have gone to the pet store to get some things that we knew we would need that I had gotten rid of when I had to get rid of my last dogs when my husband last year was injured and i was bedridden because of surgery. I had no choice because I was not allowed out of bed to walk dogs. Heck I could hardly take care of myself. But I miss them so much. But I think it is time for my house to have some life in it. And little pups bring me so much joy and laughter. And they give so much love. Yes they are work, I have done it before and for the first couple of months it is alot of work until they learn to hold their bladder for atleast six hours. SO I really know what I am getting into. I am scared but happy about it too.

I have thought about going to individual counseling for acouple of weeks and the more I think about it I think it might be a good thing, if nothing else maybe it can help me with my grief of loosing Robert and learn alittle more about the way I tick. I know alot about myself but it is nice to hear it about what a stranger see about me from their view. It shows and tells me alot about who I really am allow people to see. And if its the real way I want to show people me. I hope you all understand what I am saying. I have a hard time sometimes saying what I am thinking.

Today has not been a good day in that I have been in so much pain in my leg and foot. See I had three surgeries on my left foot and supposely they were suppose to have cut burned and buried the nerve that was damaged in my foot that was causing so much pain. But when I told the doctor after even 6 months that I still had the same pain they told me that there is no way that I should have pain since they killed the nerve. And then told me that there was nothing else they could do for me. I am ashamed to say that alot of the time my husband will give me some of his medication to help me get thru the day when I have reall bad days. I don't know what to do because I know something is wrong because the pain is still there and no one will listen to me. Plus the fact I do not have insurance so I have to pay everything by cash and every surgery took all our savings which each surgery was over $6,000.00. I just don't know what to do. I was thinking to ask my doctor if he possible had an answer or if he could refer me to a pain management place. SOmething or someone to really listen to me and hear my pain and understand me without it costing an arm and leg. That is what I have been dealing with since a year ago last Feb. 8th when I had my third surgery. The second surgery was a year before that in Dec. to unstrangle the nerve that had been trapped in the scar tissue from the first surgery that was done in Nov. the year before for 2 heel spurs and 2 bone chips. That is what started the whole thing and now I have never been the same. I sometimes feel like cutting my leg off the pain is so bad. Sorry for going on and on about myself.

I do not know if anyone has seen this before, but if you haven't I have put it on for all to see. I keep this and read it and to me it is perfect and makes me think of Robert and exactly what he would probably say to me. And I am sure it is good for all of you. Hope you all like it.

WHEN YOU ARE MISSING ME

I want you to think of me every morning

when the sun rises upon your face

It's just telling you good morning sleepy head.

... It's time to wake so we can start a new day you and me.

When You Are Missing Me

I want you to think of me everytime

Everytime you feel a breeze upon your face

It's just me giving you butterfly kisses and

Whispering I love you in your ear.

When You Are Missing Me

I want you to think of me everytime

You feel raindrops upon your face

It's just me sharing my tears with you

And saying I'm thinking of you and

I miss you too

When You Are Missing Me

I want you to think of me

Everytime you look up and

See snowflakes

It's just me sprinkling star dust upon your face

from my many adventures into space

And saying I wish you could see this place

When You Are Missing Me

I want you to think of m

Everytime You see the colors in the rainbow

It's just me saying look what I drew for all of you

When You Are Missing Me

I want you to think of me

Everytime you look at the moon and see the face

It is me letting you know that

I am looking down at you

And saying our day is done and

I will see you in our dreams

When You Are Missing Me

I want you to think of me

Everytime you see a shooting star

It's just me saying, "Look mom and dad,

look how far I can fly and

See the trail I leave for you all to see."

When You Are Missing Me

And you come to see me

I want you to think of me

Sleeping and dreaming of you and me

Until we are together again.

Love Always,

ME

[summergirl]

"Kathy Thank you for what you wrote,I sure hope the pain lessens. Kaleb was our surprise I had him when I was 43 so I am now 53 raising a 10 year old, with special needs .. he was diagnosed with mild autism very mild he seems more like a kid with severe ADHD and I have had a rough road with him but I would not change a thing except his disabilities, only because life is going to be so hard for him , he is Brian's twin 23 years apart and each had a different father my older sons are from my first marriage of 20 years that ended in 97 and I met and married Mike in 2000. and we were blessed with our Kaleb ,I believe God gave him to me because he knew I would need him Kaleb not only looks like his brother but acts like him too. Brian was crazy about him loved him as much as his own kids he would tell me "mom you don't ever have to worry about Kaleb if something happens to you and Mike I will take care of him . Kaleb is just now really processing the loss of Brian and it breaks my heart . I have read your post about your grandson and I think you both are so lucky to have each other. Take Care Brenda"

Brenda - you are welcome...I know how hard it is just to breathe each day when we lose our child - losing my Jessica has left a hole in my heart that will never be filled. Kaleb sounds just wonderful, you are truly blessed in so many ways even though there are days when we just want to be "alone"... When Jessica told me she was having a baby I was beyond upset, told her she was only 22, too many things to do with her life...she replied "I want this baby mom and I am going to have it" - I believe that God gave Jessica her sweet Tavian as he knew he was going to take her and I would need Tavian - we have been very close since he was born - we have saved each other many times over and I do not know what I would do without him. You mentioned that Kaleb was just now processing the loss of Brian....Tavian too is starting to think about the loss of his mom, he has been having anxiety to the point of having to take him to the doctors...he thought he had a bad heart and would die like his mom did !!! I knew the day would come when he would start to think more about it but never dreamed he would have the fear of death - I reassure him as much as I can but he is going to go to a therapist - I do not have the tools to handle this one and will feel much better having him seeing the therapist. Brian sounds like a wonderful young man and I love the thought that he loved Kaleb as much as he did...... Please take care and give yourself a hug.....Kathy

Thanks all - Tavian is doing ok, better than his Mi-Mi....LOL Very tired tonight so will say good night and talk soon....Love, strength and prayers, Kathy

[ericasmom]

Hi All, I am very tired too so just want to pop in and say goodnight and good dreams if possible.

Linda, I do think your therapy is going to be a good thing. I am sorry for the changed plans on your trip, but I am glad that you knew it was becoming too much and let it go. That is a good thing I think. Have fun preparing for the pup.

Trudi, you out there?

[mikesmomrs]

My tablet is just about out of juice and I dont want it to die in the middle of a post, but I did want to let you all know we didnt get to go home yet....in 10 minutes, we will begin our 48th day away from home. Mike has not been doing well since Monay night and has progressively worsened in the vomiting/not earing status. NG tube placed tonight and followed by an IV ativan, which he's never had before so he has been sleeping soundly since, which is a good thing, and a first in quite a while. Will try to update tomorrow after I charge the tablet. So many posts I would like to adress...thinking of you all, holding you close in my heart and my prayers. Thank you so much for the cards...they go a long way towards bringing a smile about. Havent even talked yet about Susannahs great visit! Lights are going out on tablet.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

You are both in our prayers, Carol. Write whenever you can! ((Hugs)) to you both!

My tablet is just about out of juice and I dont want it to die in the middle of a post, but I did want to let you all know we didnt get to go home yet....in 10 minutes, we will begin our 48th day away from home. Mike has not been doing well since Monay night and has progressively worsened in the vomiting/not earing status. NG tube placed tonight and followed by an IV ativan, which he's never had before so he has been sleeping soundly since, which is a good thing, and a first in quite a while. Will try to update tomorrow after I charge the tablet. So many posts I would like to adress...thinking of you all, holding you close in my heart and my prayers. Thank you so much for the cards...they go a long way towards bringing a smile about. Havent even talked yet about Susannahs great visit! Lights are going out on tablet.

[Jeff's Mom]

Carol and Ralph...thinking of you today. Praying that things will get a bit better and Ralph and you will be able to make it back to the house for a day. Hope you are taking care of yourself?

David...I hope that today is a bit better for you. Hang in there.

Linda...sorry that your visit did not work out. Focus on those adorable pups!

Take care everyone. Off to the city for the day. Hope your day is decent.

Kate

[ericasmom]

For those newer to loss;

One Day

Sometimes grief is bigger than the day,

bigger than the sky

and larger than the ocean.

Sometimes grief covers the lights,

Covers the sun

and shuts out the moon.

Sometimes grief silences all sounds.

Silences the birds

and cloaks the sound of wind.

One day, grief will allow more space,

allow more space to see

and listen to a new day.

One day grief will not be bigger than we are,

bigger than the person gone

and the days will hold hope.

Dee Conmy

Summer 2007

[ericasmom]

Carol, prayers and hope continue. How are the grand-boys dealing with this worry? And I echo what Kate asks; are you taking care of you?

[mikesmum]

Carol ~ So sorry to hear that Mike hasn't progressed. Maybe the naso-gastric and the sedation will give his body a rest and allow him to turn that ever elusive corner.

Hoping you are able to take some respite to allow you to recharge. My heart to you both..

Dee ~ Still here, reading mostly.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Dee, that is beautiful! Permission to repost? I will be sure to put your name and the year on it! Always looking for something to describe this state we're all in, and what you have written is so very true.

For those newer to loss;

One Day

Sometimes grief is bigger than the day,

bigger than the sky

and larger than the ocean.

Sometimes grief covers the lights,

Covers the sun

and shuts out the moon.

Sometimes grief silences all sounds.

Silences the birds

and cloaks the sound of wind.

One day, grief will allow more space,

allow more space to see

and listen to a new day.

One day grief will not be bigger than we are,

bigger than the person gone

and the days will hold hope.

Dee Conmy

Summer 2007

[ericasmom]

Permission granted, thank you. I forgot about this poem written 5 years ago, so I was at year 4. WIth so many like yourself in the first throws of this life, I thought it a good time to post.

How is the soft brace? Tingling still in the fingers?

Brenda, love the photos of the hummers. So wonderful. Today I was able to get a few photos of the hummer here but he was sitting on a wire rather far and my zoom is not as good as yours. Never have I caught them in flight with my camera. I have those same birds here, that downy is so pretty, we had one spiraling our river birch trunk the other day.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, well today was the 5 month mark ,I have had several bad days this week , I just miss him more then I can say , I am also worried about my niece that is pregnant due on Thanksgiving day ,she is having a girl, well she started having contractions yesterday and they didn't go away so my sister took her to the doctors , I guess they are going to give her some medication to hopefully stop them , we just cant handle any more sadness so please say a prayer . I took Kaleb over to his grandmas today and came home and spent some time by myself after a good cry I took my camera and went back outside and got some more Hummingbird pictures he was all over my butterfly bush . so I thought I would post some more also put a few other pics in I am loving my camera . Love Brenda

[Guest]

.....

[Jeff's Mom]

Brenda, can't tell you how much I am enjoying seeing your pictures. The one of the Cardinal is great. What a beautiful bird! And the hummingbirds are really something. Apparently they are very terratorial. I will definitely keep your niece in my prayers. Hope it all goes well.

Dee, thanks for posting you poem from a few years back. How true!

Well, an update on Jenelle. She went into surgery for the third time today. They decided to try to slowly ease her awake for a minute to see if she would open her eyes. She did. And then they tried again at some other point in the day. She is one real little fighter. The families of the other young adults that died donated their organs. Six people were helped in one case. What a beautiful gift.

Lora...definitely keeping the families of these boys in our thoughts and prayers.

Carol and Trudi...thinking of you.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Oh Kate, prayers continue for Jenelle, she is indeed a fighter. Thanks for the kind words about the poem, I write poetry to find ways to deal with the cluster of emotions inside.

Brenda, prayers for your sweet niece, that she hold on to her Child and be able to deliver at a much healthier time for the baby. I know how frightened you all are.

Lora, and more prayers dear, for your town, for the families who most recently lost their Boys. Goodness the kids in town must be so devastated to have lost so many of thier peer. And like us ahead on the timeline here, you will be a bit ahead of them, knowing that they will need someone to understand. I do so hope that you get some rest, you are working two jobs as you mourn, make sure that you are kind to yourself when you are home. Peace to you.

[mrsduc]

I have learned thru my 51 years that people come and go in my life in a flash and I allow people in way too easily and I end up getting hurt in the process. And I must stop allowing myself to give so much of myself to the wrong people. But I try hard to go into each person I meet as a new slate and not judge them for what others have done to me, but they end up doing the samething to me. Once they get out of me what they need and want and strip me and drain me I get dumped. I know that is not a way a relationship is suppose to go because the only person that has never treated me like that is my husband (2nd). We have been thru good and bad times and he has seen my good side and my bad and still he is with me supporting me and helping me thru whatever I might need each day for the last 23 years. But I am finding that I must stop hoping for friends because I tend to give my all way too soon and that is when you get hurt and that is what Robert would do too and we would talk about that alot. We both wore our hearts on are sleeves and the other thing both of us did not like about ourselves but did not know how to change was that we were no good in hiding are feelings. People are able to read them on my face and also when Robert was alive on his too. But to me loosing another so call fair weather friend sure it hurts for alittle but not like loosing a son, so I will move on from that so much easier. But it just makes my walls go up even tighter. I know that for some reason it is only myself and my husband and no one else that we have even though he has 3 sisters and 3 brothers and I have 11 birth siblings alive out of 15 and another 3 we can't find, but they come into my life long enough to get what they want out of me then leave and hurt me threw words they say to me. And that is one of the reason that I canceled this weekend. I just did not want to be around Kim the one I thought was with me who came down in May to help me (except I told her if she came from PA I would pay for her gas). She has never done anything for me without me paying. Just like everyone else in my life even my own kids (except Robert). Tom my middle son would not have gone to CA this past July to celebrate Robert's life on his birthday if I had not paid for his and his girlfriends airfare and hotel. But I did that in hoping to spend time with him so that maybe he would remember some of me from when we were together and also to try and get to know him as an adult. But most of the time him and his girlfriend did there on thing or my son hung out with my birth sister Kim who I also paid to go to CA. I feel just so much like a fool once again. But I am told if you don't put yourself out there you will never make friends or you will never know. But I am too vulnerable right now and I feel I have been taken advantage of by my birth sister and she said some pretty mean things to me acouple of days ago when I said to her that she never had time to talk to me on the phone any more since she met this guy, who to me is not good for her. He lives in a campsite because he can't afford to live anywhere else because he has 4 kids to pay support to and its to 4 different women and the youngest kid is only 2 months old. I told Kim that I felt she deserved better because each time he gave money to these women to pay for his kids (which I believe he should) that he could not provide even a home for her because of it. And I had spoken to her last Friday night and found out her adopted mom was at the ER with possible heartattack and I told her to let me know and she told me she would and she never did so I worried all weekend while I find out she is with her guy in the mountains where there is no signal for her cell phone. So I wrote her on Monday that she could have texted me before she went to see him when she had brought her mom home to let me know that she was alright and that is when she went off on me and told me that I got spoiled having her in my life for 2 years and that yes she would be no where if it had not been for me but that it is now her time and if I did not like it oh well. I felt like I had been hit in the gut. And she did not have the nerve to tell me over the phone she told me on the Internet. But I guess I must in her eyes be smothering her and I did not see that. So I have completely backed off and now I am trying to find other things to do to occupy my time so that I do not get back into too bad of a depression then I all ready am in since Robert died. I have more good days then bad now, but when I have bad days they are real bad still.

Now for some good news I got some more pictures of my little pretty chihuahua girl that I am getting and I will share them with you. I hope only the best for everyone that is on this sight that suffers as I do from loosing their child. I think it is one of the worst things that a mother has to endure. I wrote my ex yesterday because it was the 7 months anniversary of when Robert was found in his apartment lying in his bed for 2 weeks without anyone in his small apartment complex that did not notice that he had not walked his dogs and they could not help but see his big hugh whith pickup truck in the small parking spaces under the apartments since there was only maybe 10 spaces totally. Just hurts me so that my son layed there for that long and because of that I did not get to see him. That was stolen from me. But anyway I emailed my ex to let him know that I knew he had to be hurting and if he needed to talk I was here for him, and he wrote me back and said that he felt the last months since Robert had died he has been in a blur and that he is just starting to miss him. But he has alot of support for my other boys which really hardly have anything to do with me, are always there for him. So he will get thru this allright without my help.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I am still in the soft collar, and still don't have full use of my right hand, but am in therapy now, so hopefully all feeling will return.

Last night we had some drunken man trying to break into cars and homes on our country road. I saw him attempt to steal my neighbor's car, and then thought I heard him trying to break into their house, and called the police. They finally caught him about 1 am, found him passed out in a ditch, after they had chased him into a cornfield. My husband and daughter had followed him down the road when he ran across our front yard, armed with baseball bats! The police brought a dog, but they weren't able to track him. I am glad they got him, as I don't think we would have known much sleep after that! He tore screens out of one house, and stole tomatoes off their window sills, and then broke flower pots and sliced screens in another house, then tried to steal the car right next door, and he smashed their slider door in the back of their house to pieces! I had called out my neighbor's name when I saw this dude at their car, and when he didn't answer me, and it was getting dark and I was looking through the Leland Cypress trees to try to see what he was doing, he just got out of the car and ran towards their house, allowing me a description of him, but the security lights then went out and I couldn't see where he went. I am glad we were home, because our house would probably have been next on his drunken rampage!

[Guest]

...

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora...in truth...I have not been the same or functioned in the same way ever since the day my son died. Every day is a real effort to make the best of it and keep going. Some days are actually pretty good and others are filled with tearful memories and an aching loss and need to see him again. I feel that this is the way it will most probsbly be for me for the rest of my life. I do get upset when people talk about suicides and not being allowed into heaven. I hardly slept last night. Although I know in my heart that it is not true...I still am angry at religious people that try to control us by filling us with fear of punishment. I know that God is our Father and as a loving father would not harm a soul, but embrace it in his loving care. And yes, I do not feel the same concern for people when they have problems...depending on what they consider a problem. The little things in life do not concern me any longer. And I become impatient with those that whine about trivial stuff. They don't realize how lucky they are. His death has put life into a new perspective for me.

These days for you are still very early...the shock and rawness is still fresh. Be kind to yourself and let those tears flow if you need to. They are helpful in many ways to release the pain and stress. Take one day at a time.

Yes, Jenelle is fighting for her life and appears to be making progress at this point. However, it can change at any point, as she is still in very serious condition. Many surgeries yet to face. What courage and strength is showing. An amazing young woman.

Woke up this morning to a very dark sky and before long it opened up to a pretty hard rain. We are off to the last of the anniversary functions for my friend's Church this evening. Hope it clears up soon. Thinking of everyone.

Becky...hope you will soon feel better.

Linda...look forward to hearing the updates about your pups.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Hello to all Indigos..Not much to say tonight, and the grandies are coming for an overnighter,

so not much time to post.

Kate-----Yep....it might have been the tomatoes, as the problems have subsided since I

quit eating them. (also taking allergy meds). Sounds like frosty cool weather is just

around the corner for you. Your answer for tiredness and a bit of relaxation is the same

thing I would choose. Tea and a good Brit Mystery on t.v.

Dee----Very nice temps here......high 70s and mild. Right now, we're looking for a good place

to plant a honeysuckle vine that my husband bought yesterday. Many bugs and crickets

sounds at night, and some geese flying over. Looks very much like the end of summer, and

the beginning of deep summer, leading into fall.

Thanks to all for the pics and poems.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[andy sager]

Hello all I lost my son Triston 5 weeks he was 15 and a beautiful boy.He was my first born son and was everything I could ever have hoped for in a son....forgiving,honest,brave,true friend and my hero.He died in a "car accident"where the driver was my daughters ex and was driving a modified Bronco with no back seats or seat belts for my son or his best friend.He was doing 80+ on a back country road and went into a ditch,jumped the t intersection slamming into the embankment.He was of course wearing his seat belt and I have found out he was sending my daughter texts with suicide threats and the such.I managed to get to the hospital before he was taken to the trauma center but he was sedated.after the accident the driver was making a call and smoking a cig when the first sheriff arrived while my son was in the back of his truck dieing.He nor his family have shown any remorse,he arrives in brand clothes and a new car and he walks free on signature bond.I am so filled with pain and rage and my friends and wife say I need to snap out of it but I am losing all control.We have 6 other kids and 2 grand children but I cannot seem to find a way to release the anger I can't seem to stop crying.Please somebody tell me how to do this.Thank and I am so sorry any of you have to be here

[ericasmom]

Sherry, so glad that the hives are gone, they are terrible to have and sometimes can be more than annoying. Glad you are on meds for allergies just to keep things down some. I hate the thought of not eating tomatoes, but if that is the culprit, so be it. Yes, the nicest kind of weather these last few days. My favorite. Well, my days of naps in the yard are just about coming to an end for the summer as school begins on Monday, no students until Wednesday however, though I will meet with one child and her family on Monday night just to put her at ease. She has special needs and needs to be in the classroom ahead of time to be able to feel prepared for Wednesday morning.

Have fun with the grandies Sherr.

Andy, sadness and heartache are yours, and we share that with you here. We know what it is you are feeling and I feel you have come to just the place to help you through this exteremely hard time. Your wife and friends are not where you are, you are where you are and you are not grieving in any wrong way, there is no wrong way unless you cannot control your ache and anger then you may need some help with that. Andy, grief hits us all at different strengths and at different times. Often in a couple, one member is more outward than the other and then they sometimes switch off because one adult feels they have to hold the fort down while the other is deeply down. You are feeling the brunt of your loss right now, why wouldn't you be crying and feeling at loose ends all the time. Are you able to work? How are the siblings of your Boy doing? Everyone will have to grieve and everyone will do so on their own timetable. Teens do things differently than little ones but no matter, if you have others in school please let the guidance counselors know of the loss so that they can keep an eye on the kids. I teach so this is something I am keenly aware of.

It sounds like the boy who was at the wheel has some deep issues with entitlement which is so hard for you and the family and your Son's friends to see flaunted around town. All I can tell you is that you are very early on this trip, you will make it and one day will feel much better than you do right now but it is a ways down the road. I do however promise you that one day you will be able to smile, genuinely smile again. And I am sure that your Sweet Son would want that. Stay with us, we have a few Dads that post as well, and some are very early on the timeline and the rest of us are scattered along the timeline. I am here a long time, my girl was killed nine years ago. I stay because this is a kind of home to me and because my role in this world has changed to include reaching out to parents that find themselves in this nightmare as I did, so long ago.

Try to sleep when you are able, drink plenty of water, and tell us more about your life, your Boy, your family. We do get it.

[BrendaDup59]

Andy

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son,I can feel your heart ache and hate that you have to be here but I do think you will find comfort here as we are all walking down this horrible road, my son was killed while riding his motorcycle on St. Patrick's day 3-17-12 He was 32 and my first born. he was a husband and a father of 6 ages 15 to 21 months. his 4 year old seems to be taking it the hardest. so heart breaking. what I would not give to hear his voice or see his beautiful face. I will never get over losing him as everyone tells me you just learn to live a new normal .. I have my bad days and then I have my really bad days . but I have found I can go a day without crying my eyes out ,you just have to take it one minute /second at a time, we just had the 5 month mark yesterday and it was a hard day. I hope you will tell us about your son and post some pictures . Take Care Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

Well , I took Kaleb over to my moms today so I had some time to myself so I got out my camera and set out side, it was a beautiful day .I had 4 hummingbirds at one time but the little guy that claimed the yard chased them away. I did get some good pictures of him , I took some honeysuckle and taped it to my rail and waited well don't you now just as he comes by my sister called so I only got 2 of him there. I don't remember if I told you all about my niece she is 26 weeks pregnant a little girl, well she is in the hospital she has a fibroid cyst on her uterus that is rupturing and causing her to have contractions , she seems to be better tonight they are keeping he in L&D in case they have to take the baby,I just hope and pray she can at least go another 10 weeks . I love her so much everyone always said she should have been mine. well I thought I would share some of my pictures I took . Hope you all have a good evening. Love Brenda

[tantraman8]

Dear Davey, Kate, and Dee,

Just wanted to say thank you for your support on here. I saw the brief comments the three of you posted...just about grandkids, gardening, changes of season, warm tea. One of the hardest things, in the aftermath of Josh's passing, is the ocean of loneliness that seems an almost constant guest. Somehow, your sharing of simple life things today warms my heart. Good night from Tucson...and thanks....

David

[Sholl1955]

I am missing Sarah so much. There are is also so many other things going on that are requiring more major life changes at this time. I am so tired and tired of talking to people who don't/can't understand. The weariness seems more than i an continue to handle.

='

[BrendaDup59]

I am missing Sarah so much. There are is also so many other things going on that are requiring more major life changes at this time. I am so tired and tired of talking to people who don't/can't understand. The weariness seems more than i an continue to handle.

='

I know what you mean it seems like some days I just want to pull the covers over my head, I have had a really bad week . yesterday was the 5 month mark when I sit to long and start to think about Brian I feel like someone is just squeezing my heart. I am just trying to find things to do just so I can stay out of bed and keep my thoughts from going places I don't want to go. I wish I had the right words for you just know your not alone , take care Brenda

[andy sager]

Thank you all so much for you words of support.The kids all have been doing really well I have been very proud of them and my wife is doing as well as she can.Atm I do not work I am disabled I was doing some freelance art but have not been able to draw since this all happened.Our town has been very supportive it is small and everyone knew and loved Triston,he worked and or volunteered for almost every adult that wasn't family at the service.He was just so naturally good like a reflection of what I wanted to be.He was the peacemaker of our house and that was a real job in our home as we are a combined family,we have been together for 14 years and he was the fixer be it a argument between me and my daughter or the lawnmower being down he would just give me his smile and say "I 'm on dad".He was kind in ways that I don't know that can be taught on snow days he would get up early go and shovel all the elderly peoples walks and driveways before going and doing other peoples for spending money.His natural mother had abondond my son reapetedly and has been to prison but he always found room in his heart to forgive her and anyone else who wronged him.Triston was my guiding love and I feel so lost without him.I so much need his bravery and smile right now.I know he would call me a big girl and probably mow a lawn just so he could buy me a pink dress but I can't seem to stop crying.I think about going to see someone but I am so afraid when they hear me they will just lock me away.My wife and friends say they want me back,they say I have lost my humor,they say I my anger is going to kill me but I can't stop it I lost the person who saved me from myself and I don't see how I can do this without him.Again thank you all so much I am so sorry anyone has to be here

[ericasmom]

Hi All, Andy, just want to correct or clarify something I said. I said that there is nothing wrong with the way one grieves as long as you can control the ache and anger...I meant as long as you don't hurt yourself, nobody can really control the ache. That is all part of it. I also want to mention that seeing a private therapist or a therapist that works in grief might be a good step too. I found this place at around the same time I began therapy, around the 6 month mark, and it was what I needed at the time.

Sarah's Mom, the pain becomes bigger than a mountain, it is bigger than anything some days, because so is your love. I am so sorry for the terrible pain, I know it well. Holding you.

Dave, sometimes just regular conversation brings us back to the world we just slightly remember. Be well.

Linda, the balance you seek is sometimes a long long road of discovery. It can't be easy but the fact that you realize that you may need to hold back a bit before offering so much to others is important.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hello Everyone, isn't life funny how it throws people together in a happenstance manner. This evening when my husband and I attended an anniversary dinner for my friend's church... I sat beside a woman that had just lost her husband recently and very suddenly. We talked for ages. And again like this site we were completely aware that unless you have gone through a loss such as this that others do not truly understand. They pay lip service and try to be kind. Anyway, what an assortment we were seated at the table. Every one of us had recently suffered a serious life altering situation. Well, I have to say that after a lovely meal and sharing stories we started to feel more relaxed and before we knew it we were laughing and enjoying the evening. Exchanging phone numbers with a promise of getting together again. It sure felt good. Promise that life does continue and we are not alone in this. We headed home feeling more cheerful then we had been in ages. Poured a nitecap and watched an Inspector Morse re-run. Tonight I plan to sleep like a babe.

Thinking of all of you. Take care and hang in there.

Love, Kate

[mysonrich]

Tothe Indigo’ss that have lost children to car accidents, Sherry,Colleen, Brenda,JD.s Mom, Triston;s dad; we don't forget. Many yearsago when I was just 17 years old on a bright sunny Sunday morning Iwas a passenger in a car with my fiance' ( I snapped out of thatrelationship). Way back then the road we were traveling on wassurrounded by farm land. Wheat was growing on all sides . The speedlimit was 50mph. We were on the way to my little nephews 3^rdbirthday party. I cared for him a lot in those days and thankfully,he was not with us that day . As we cursed down the road, with anintersection approaching, the wheat blocking our view of the carstraveling east,The cars that had a stop sign, I suddenly yelled STOP!My fiance' applied the breaks and seeing nothing, took his foot off.How does one measure time ? It seemed like a nanosecond and a car wasin our path. I remember looking right at the driver as she looked atus. The fiance' tried but couldn't avoid them. He was driving a “68Chrysler New Yorker. She was driving a Bicentennial Chevy Nova. Ithad red,white and blue stripes on the sides. She ran the stop sign. After the intinal impact we spun around and as we did I saw her carairborne. We stopped after a 360 revolution and after kicking thedoor open, I got out. The newspaper said the crash was “violent”.It was. The passenger was pinned under the car and I remember a manyelling at me to help lift it. I went over to talk to the driver andthe passenger. I told them help was on the way. The passenger, Hazel,died. She had a young daughter that I think about today. I count theyears and figure out her age. I think of Hazels parents and husbandand family. There have been times over the years that I wanted tocontact someone to let them know I remember her but I never thoughtit was appropriate. To this day I wonder what made me yell STOP andif we had, would she be alive? Or if we slowed would they have hit usbroadside and I be dead? I never forget Hazel. It doesn't help muchwith anger. It never helped her parents that I have all these years.But as a survivor of that accident, it and Hazel will always be amajor thread of my life tapestry.

[ericasmom]

Betsy, all the threads do count. And she is remembered and LORD knows that being remembered does count to us all. How are you? How is Florida these days? Are you finding the ins and outs of this new locale?

Kate, I do so hope you slept like a Babe and I am happy for the atmosphere at the table you found yourselves at. Sometimes we are exactly where we are supposed to be in the universe.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi Andy,

What a beautiful boy! I am so sorry that he is gone from your life. I know your pain, and I know your anger. I lost my son, Jared (JD), also at 15 years old, last October when he was struck and killed while riding his skateboard on his way home less than 1/4 mile from our driveway. At first, I was in such shock that I just went about planning the funeral and making it as special as possible, and trying to attend to everyone else's needs. Everyone thought I was so strong. It wasn't that, I was just numb! Jared was to us, as you describe your son, the light and joy of our lives. He would get angry, but get over it faster than anyone I have known. Always with a huge smile that could melt your heart, and a great sense of humor, which I see from your words that your son had as well. Jared was so much a part of my everyday, that though I have other children, and a loving husband, I am left with such a void, that makes me sometimes feel alone.

What is a signature bond? I am so disillusioned with law enforcement after our situation. So many have gotten off with nothing or a slap on the wrist.

Nearly a year, and the pain of losing Jared is still very fresh. I have found some sense of relief by writing poetry and by creating pictures of him in heavenly scenes. I don' t know what type of artwork you do, but when and if you are able to return to it, I pray it will help you as well.

Betsy, I am so sorry that your nephew's birthday will always bring for you the memory of that accident where someone was killed. We have fields all around us, and I know what you mean by the crops blocking the view as you approach an intersection. We have seen many accidents here as a result. It amazes me that you still carry that, even though you were clearly blameless. Leads me to think that the driver in my situation, as well as Andy's are not "normal" caring human beings, as you are.

[andy sager]

Thank you so much J D 's mom.I am so sorry for your lose. A signature bond a like bail but with no cash,the driver in Triston's accident has been charged with negligent homicide with a motor vehicle but could get as little as probation,we are doing our best to prevent this but I am so scared I will see him on the street don't think outside court I could control myself.I understand your void.I feel broken inside and I don't know How to fix it,everything I did was based on being a good father and all I see now are my short comings in this.

My Son Rich Thank you for sharing your experience that you honor her memory is a wonderful thing.

I am sorry any of have to be here but thank you all for having the strenght to come

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Andy, I am glad they at least charged the driver in your son's death, and I hope he gets what he deserves. I hope at some point, the young man that killed your son will express remorse. That to me would have brought me some peace, but to have someone act arrogant, and like they have done no wrong, just adds salt to our wounds. I will be praying for you and your family.

Thank you so much J D 's mom.I am so sorry for your lose. A signature bond a like bail but with no cash,the driver in Triston's accident has been charged with negligent homicide with a motor vehicle but could get as little as probation,we are doing our best to prevent this but I am so scared I will see him on the street don't think outside court I could control myself.I understand your void.I feel broken inside and I don't know How to fix it,everything I did was based on being a good father and all I see now are my short comings in this.

My Son Rich Thank you for sharing your experience that you honor her memory is a wonderful thing.

I am sorry any of have to be here but thank you all for having the strenght to come

[BrendaDup59]

I like this web sight so I get post on my face Book and I thought I would share it.

A New Journey

Recovering from loss? I'm not sure anyone can be expected to recover from the death of their child; considering the value of what was lost and the consequences of that loss. I think recovery is a misleading and empty expectation. We recover

from broken limbs and bad illnesses. This type of loss goes into the category of catastrophic. Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will either transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past. The future will..and must include the pain of the past with it. Sorrow never entirely leaves the soul of a parent who endures the death of a child. If anything, it takes us to a deeper place in which we have the opportunity to come face to face with.... the soul. -Marsha Flynn Abbott (A New Journey)

[BrendaDup59]

A friend from one of my art sights did this for me today, I thought I would share it with you .

[andy sager]

Becky I am so sorry the driver is so arrogant and callous,I feel the same and was expressed to me no matter what they get it wouldn't be enough.I cannot express how sorry I am your daughter had to experience such brutal treatment by the person who should be held to justice.My heart goes out to you.

Brenda very beautiful.

Thank you all

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thank you, Andy. You know what this is like, you try to teach your children the value of truth and goodness, and then they find out first hand how cruel and ugly this world can be. I know that is probably true that no matter the punishment we will still have the pain of our losses forever. There are those here that tell me it softens in time. I hope that is true, but I don't feel I can even begin to really start to move past my grief, or through it, with so much unresolved. I hope our two sons will know each other in heaven, along with the other angels represented here, and they find some comfort and happiness in the knowledge we are helping each other along this path.

Beautiful picture, Brenda.