Loss of an Adult Child

[mysonrich]

Fireworks for Eri-fest complete with a full moon on right, roller coaster on left and some other kind of amusement ride.

[daveydow1]

Kate-----Your dalmation dog, Magic, must have been a delightful pet. Glad to hear that your

'bug invasion' does not last too long. I guess that the training that groups get before

going on long hikes into primitive environments really give the hikers lots of good hints

to survival, and for just dealing with anything else that may be anywhere from pesky

(like the mosquitos & bugs), to dangerous. Love your descriptions of the fruits. They

are so great and cooling in the hot months. We had about 2 inches of rain several days

ago......it helped......but nothing since. Supposed to cool down Sunday......to high 80's.---

beats the high 90's.....100's.

Angela-----Your butterfly release for sweet child, Char, sounds so beautiful. I loved

that the butterfly with the 'goofy' wings also took flight, and did his part in honoring

your little angel. Also, that a butterfly lit on grandpa Larry's shoulder, and the singing

of the great hymn, Amazing Grace, was so nice. Char was surely smiling down on

everyone.

Gretchen----Thanks for the pics of the work for Forest's memorial. Your sorrow and

sobbing at your dear father's funeral is so understandable. He must have been a

wonderful father, and your love for him comes out so clearly in your posts. Bless him,

and may he rest in peace now in heaven with Forest.

Betsy-----Your ride on the back roads sounds so nice. Also....your outing at the beach

at Wildwood. Thanks for the pics. I, too, loved the one of the little cottage from long

ago.....standing there as a reminder of years gone by , and all your wonderful memories

there at Wildwood. The fruit market you stopped at must have been a nice place to rest and buy

all those good foods.

Dee------Thinking of you today and wishing you the best for the ERiFest. We've never

had any memorial-type thing for Davey. Sometimes I feel guilty for not having anything,

but I guess it is just our way.........ours, and Davey's too, really. He hated any attention,

and disliked any celebration for his birthday, other than a small immediate family

get-together . Let us know how the ERiFEST went.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Oops.....forgot a couple posts I wanted to reply to.

Leah----Yes, I agree that belief in heaven can be a powerful solace.

Knowing that we will see them again keeps us going.

Brenda----So very nice that you received another loving card. And....

your dear son must have had a hand in getting the card to you

without any stamp on it. Truly, the work of your angel. The

grandchildren love you so much.

Sherry

[ericasmom]

WHOO-HOO, Eri must love that she is thought of by you and our friends here, our family. Thanks Betsy, and to all wishing us a good day. Two hours from now folks will be coming over, chance of storms, oh help us please, no storms but instead the cool weather being ushered in on a breeze from our Angels' wings.

Blackberries Gretchen, yum. Thanks for your good wishes too.

Sherry, Davey adn Eri are opposites in many ways, but kindred spirits in others. She loved a party, especially if it was loud and boisterous. Prayers for a good day, thanks.

[heartbeataway]

Hello guys,

Haven't visited for a while and when I logged in and saw all the old faces I was immediately smiling through tears. And then there are also new faces and names .......

We passed our five year mark in April. Unbelievable .....

I'm actually here "calling all angels" to hover and support a new grieving mom. She lost her 20 year old daughter, Rebecca, three days ago in a really tragic accident. Rebecca and her dad were bike riding together. She was behind him and her tire touched his, her bike went over spilling her into oncoming traffic. She died at the scene.

If you would be so kind as to send this mom a note or a card, I think it would be so comforting to her. I never hear of a new loss that it doesn't take me back to those first minutes, hours and days after the loss of Jay. I will give her the address for this group also.

Moms info is:

Dorothy Mebane

9290 Tower Side Apt 201

Fairfax. VA 22031

Her daughter's name is: Rebecca

Thank you!

[Jeff's Mom]

Kate-----Your dalmation dog, Magic, must have been a delightful pet. Glad to hear that your

'bug invasion' does not last too long. I guess that the training that groups get before

going on long hikes into primitive environments really give the hikers lots of good hints

to survival, and for just dealing with anything else that may be anywhere from pesky

(like the mosquitos & bugs), to dangerous. Love your descriptions of the fruits. They

are so great and cooling in the hot months. We had about 2 inches of rain several days

ago......it helped......but nothing since. Supposed to cool down Sunday......to high 80's.---

beats the high 90's.....100's.

Angela-----Your butterfly release for sweet child, Char, sounds so beautiful. I loved

that the butterfly with the 'goofy' wings also took flight, and did his part in honoring

your little angel. Also, that a butterfly lit on grandpa Larry's shoulder, and the singing

of the great hymn, Amazing Grace, was so nice. Char was surely smiling down on

everyone.

Gretchen----Thanks for the pics of the work for Forest's memorial. Your sorrow and

sobbing at your dear father's funeral is so understandable. He must have been a

wonderful father, and your love for him comes out so clearly in your posts. Bless him,

and may he rest in peace now in heaven with Forest.

Betsy-----Your ride on the back roads sounds so nice. Also....your outing at the beach

at Wildwood. Thanks for the pics. I, too, loved the one of the little cottage from long

ago.....standing there as a reminder of years gone by , and all your wonderful memories

there at Wildwood. The fruit market you stopped at must have been a nice place to rest and buy

all those good foods.

Dee------Thinking of you today and wishing you the best for the ERiFest. We've never

had any memorial-type thing for Davey. Sometimes I feel guilty for not having anything,

but I guess it is just our way.........ours, and Davey's too, really. He hated any attention,

and disliked any celebration for his birthday, other than a small immediate family

get-together . Let us know how the ERiFEST went.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Sherry, glas to see that relief is in sight as far as dropping temps. Yes, our Magic was a sweetheart. She always knew when there was a party about to take place at the house. She would wait in eager anticipation for the guests to arrive and ran to find her favorite spot beside the dining romm table as everyone sat down. When I would walk into the dining romm with the cake she was seated uprigh waiting in eager anticipation of the singing.And right on cue she would start to howl along with everybody else singing. It was deafening. The neighbours always laughed when they heard her singing along with us.

I have always enjoyed History. I remember when they had the big ice storm of January, 1998. It covered Eastern Ontario to Southern Quebec to Nova Scotia. It caused massive damage to trees and electrical infrastructure all over the area. Millions of people were left in the dark from days to weeks. I remember listening on CBC radio to an interview with a woman that had often visited her Grandmother as a child in rural Quebec. She told us of sitting around the dining room table and listening to her Grandmother tell of how to survive without power. She said it went in one ear and out the other as she was bored and very young. Then when the ice storm hit she could not believe her recall of her Grams advice. Many of the suggestions her Gram had made now kicked into place. And darned if it didn't work!

When the boys trained for the excursion to Hudson Bay they were very fit and at the perfect age. But they all returned with a deep respect for the wild and somewhat more mellowed attitude towards their own abilities. Nature had tested them to the max. It was a fascinating program to watch.

A truly wonderful day today. Slight breeze off of the lake. I am happy to report the insect problem has subsided considerably. Hopefull we will sit outdoors this evening and have a fire under the stars. A nice cup of hot coffee and a liquor is just the ticket! Take care everyone.

[hessley0503]

hello again all,

Sorry it has been a while since I last posted. It has been busy here. We have had all of Raivyn's friends in and out of the house. I have said many times this week that even though our sweet little girl may be in Heaven our job as her parents aren't no where near finished. Can't see that it will be for a long time. She had a vast group of "besties" so momma and daddy have aquired quite a few new 14 year old daughters. which we completely love. not to mention Autumn our 19 year old and Kaitlyn our 17 year old are loving having new 14 year old sisters as well. keeps that connection to Raivyn. Our days have been pretty decent. We started therapy again so we are hoping that will be great for all of us. I know several of you asked for more information about our little angel and the rest of our family. I really don't know where to start. Maybe it will be easier if you ask questions and I answer them. I am one of those that can go on and on about our little family and have no clue where to start. LOL I am very excited I found all of you. So nice to come to a place where we all share something and feel comfortable sharing our stories and how we are feeling with no judgement or no regrets in our feelings. Hate we met this way but so thankful we did. Much love!!!

Tracie

Missing my "Rai" of sunshine!!

[ericasmom]

Tracie, how nice that Raivyn's friends feel the same way you do, to stay connected means being there...for now and eventually, being able to take the love and soak up so much of Rai's world, that they learn to carry her with them for all time. What sweeties and I am so happy that you all get to experience this outporing of love from them.

Well Betsy was the magic connection to today's weather. It has turned to a night of sweater weather Betsy. Before the party started, I saw some clouds building and they were dark grey, no no I asked Erz and all of our Angels, can you just really push those clouds away and leave in their place some cooling temps and a nice breeze. This is indeed what we got. By 3:00 when the party started, it was 90 with a breeze, that is 15 degrees cooler than it was yesterday. Then the temps kept going down slowly and the sun was out, and now at 1:15 in the morning, it is in the low 70's/ The moon rose through some clouds casting silver magic across the yard. Everyone that came said, " what perfect weather, it is the first day in 7 that being outside feels good." Yeah Eri and Angels, you made it happen. The party was lovely, so many kids and so many lovely faces. Great food, Almost everyone brings something to share. Aside from being extremely tired, I am serene right now. I feel Erz was here with us, we dropped a couple of tears in our sharing of stories and when her oldest friend Tamara came, 8 months pregnant with her 2nd child, well, I knew that Erica was smiling. She loves us, we can feel it.

For all of you wishing us a good day, thanks so much. For all of you east of us, some cooler wonderful temperatures are coming your way.

[mikesmomrs]

Dee...so, so glad the weather cleared for the party and all had a good time. Yes, I am sure your sweet Tink was there, hovering about everyone, sharing the love.

Tracie...so glad that Rai's friends come around and bring comfort to you and your other daughters. Once I get back to a more regular day (am at hospital with hubby since last Sat at 2 am), I will be happy to as k questions about your sweet girl. Perhaps you could begin by telling us about her activities. So glad you find comfort here.

Bonnie...prayers already going out to Dorothy and her family. Such a terrible accident. Rebecca's dad must be in a terrible state. I hope he is able to understand that this was purely an accident and doesn't spend time blaming himself. I have to go home for a bit today, and will send off a card. I don't get the Avatar pictures here on my tablet, but I can see your sweet Jason's smile in my minds eye. Love to you and to Rich.

Betsy...your trip sounded ideal...so glad you have those wonderful memories that go back so far and fill your heart. thoug understanding the twinges of bittersweet that still may surface. Thanks for sharing the pics..I too loved the cottage under the bridge. We have a beach here that has many family memories...started with taking my girls there with my mom, when they were just 8 and 11. We left the area a couple of times due to Air Force transfers, but one of the times we came back was when Mike was 2, til he was 4, when we went to Guam for two years. Came back here when he was 12, and lived just 15 minute walk from the beach. Lived there one year til we built a house, about 35 miles away. We still go there, no matter the season, though I'm sure you know how hard it was a t first. Mike just loved it there, and now his boys love it...life continues on, and I guess we must continue on with it, eventually. Like Dee says, "to stand where they can't."

Gretchen, loved the pics and that everyone came together for your Forest.

Will be back later, doc is here for a visit...need to pay attention.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, so very pleased that yesterday was a success! I'm sure that Eri was there with you all the way.

Carol, hope the doc gave you some good news. How are you doing?

Tracie...so glad that rai's friends are keeping connected to your family. That kind of support can go a long way in helping with your grief.

Another fantastic day. Beautiful gentle breeze off of the lake. They are holding what is called Cruisin Gimli this afternoon. For the past ten years the Antique Gimli Car Club holds a huge show of all the old vintage cars that are collected by the members. They are lined up on both sides of a long street (100's are shown) and everyone just walks along and looks and talks to the owners. Oldie type music is played in the background. It is a huge success. I just love strolling along and looking at these old beauties. Then maybe a walk along the pier to see the boats.

Hope everyone has a decent day.

Kate

[Maddy6]

I found this on the Internet and thought someof you may find comfort reading it:

Grief Makes a Promise by Bob Baugher, Ph.D.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

[Grief Speaks] Come sit down, let's talk.

Not you! Leave me alone. You have moved into my life and you won't leave. Everywhere I look there you are, staring me in the face, filling my life with pain.

[Grief Responds] I know. But just hear me out, okay?

I'm tired of listening to you. Tired of feeling so many things: Confused, sad, hopeless, angry, anxious, guilty, helpless, isolated, empty, alone, exhausted, lost and fearful.

[Grief, firmly] You're supposed to have feelings. You're human.

Look, you don't understand. Someone I care for very much has died and it hurts-it hurts so badly I can't stand it. Sometimes I don't even want to be here anymore.

[Grief, comforting] I hear you. But if you never loved, you'd never grieve. What you feel is normal.

No, it's not. Everyone says I'm-well-they say I'm grieving too much. They're worried about me. They say it's time to move on. They say to me:

"It's time to put closure on this."

"It's time to heal, accept, recover and get over it."

[Grief, softly] And you can't.

Well, no. Not like they want me to. I can't put closure on my love. My love did not die. I can't wake up one day and suddenly exclaim, "I'm healed." I'll never completely heal. I certainly will not "accept" or "recover" from this death. And I will never "get over" it as if my grief is a problem that can be fixed.

[Grief whispers] You don't have to.

What do you mean?

[Grief takes a seat] Everyone grieves differently. And you have the right to grieve however you're going to grieve. You had a unique relationship with your loved one-a relationship that no one can ever fully understand.

So, what am I supposed to do?

[Grief, moving closer] Five things.

First, grieve: feel your grief. That's why I'm in your life. So you can begin to feel again. Even if you don't like what you feel.

Second, talk it out with people who are willing to listen and not judge you. Find a way to get all those bottled up feelings out so they don't go round and round with no place to go. Find those people who will really listen. They're out there. Do it.

Third, realize that everyone grieves differently. Respect this.

Fourth, live. Even though at times you don't feel like putting one foot in front of the other. Your job is to live your life, despite all the changes you've gone through, despite the pain.

And fifth, talk about your loved one. Say his name or her name. Tell your loved one's life story. This person lived a life. Find people who will listen to the stories and who will in turn tell you their stories of your loved one. Your love for this person will never go away. You will always carry it in your heart.

[Grief, offering a handshake] And finally, I make you a promise.

[shaking hands] You? Grief are making me a promise?

[Grief Speaks] Yes, my promise to you is: As terrible as you feel now, you will not feel this way forever. There will be times that you will laugh. Times where your confusion, your sadness, hopelessness, your anger and fear will not feel so intense. Don't get me wrong. You will never forget your loved one. And feeling less grief does not mean that you are forgetting this person.

Now I want you to say your loved one's name. Go ahead, say it. It's a precious name. Take the memories. Put them in your heart. Feel them there. And know that your loved one will always safely be in your heart.

Always.

I promise.

[Maddy6]

I thought some of you may find this one that I found comforting also:

Mom-Please do not think that your life here is over because it was time for me to leave:You have been presented with such an opportunity to learn and find joy again, even when grief lies in your heart.This is the most divine mission that anyone can ever achieve here:Do not let a single breath go to waste.I am much closer to you now than I could have ever been here:I am the very air that you breathe. I have been with you on the days that you could not get out of bed... on the days that you prayed to take your last breath: I am SO VERY PROUD that you made it this far. I caress your face in your sleep and send you signals all day just to let you know that I am only a thought away!You are STILL MY MOTHER!! Space and Time cannot affect love and I do love you more than words can say!! But it saddens me to think that 1 day out of the thousands that I have lived,the day my physical body died is the day that comes to your mind when you think of me.We have had such a legacy of memories. Good and bad , Happy and Sad, Silly and serious! What about my crooked smile or the sound of my laughter?? What I want for you more than anything is to TRULY LIVE, BOLDLY LIVE.... with me always in your heart! You can do this! I want you too!!The vast amount of love that you hold for me DOES NOT require an equal amount of grief. It is actually a testament to how much you love me to let go of your grief and find joy again!!Letting go of your grief DOES NOT mean that you are letting go of me! It actually means that you will be open to a much closer relationship with me! I have sent you so many signs that you do not see because of your grief.It is time to step back on your path Dear Mother. I will ALWAYS BE WALKING BESIDE YOU!!!!!!! MAKE ME PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!Your Loving Child

[ericasmom]

Maddy, thanks for those words, they are super wonderfully nurturing, both posts, and so great for all of us and especially those new to this place, or for those of us going through an anniversary. Thank you.

Kate, fun day ahead, enjoy.

Carol, continued prayers for Mike's recovery and for you to get some rest. May this day shine on you both.

Bonnie, so glad to see that you are out there and adding your love and light to a family we wish did not need this kind of assistance. Prayers for them. And you my Dear, how are you?

[Jeff's Mom]

I thought some of you may find this one that I found comforting also:

Mom-Please do not think that your life here is over because it was time for me to leave:You have been presented with such an opportunity to learn and find joy again, even when grief lies in your heart.This is the most divine mission that anyone can ever achieve here:Do not let a single breath go to waste.I am much closer to you now than I could have ever been here:I am the very air that you breathe. I have been with you on the days that you could not get out of bed... on the days that you prayed to take your last breath: I am SO VERY PROUD that you made it this far. I caress your face in your sleep and send you signals all day just to let you know that I am only a thought away!You are STILL MY MOTHER!! Space and Time cannot affect love and I do love you more than words can say!! But it saddens me to think that 1 day out of the thousands that I have lived,the day my physical body died is the day that comes to your mind when you think of me.We have had such a legacy of memories. Good and bad , Happy and Sad, Silly and s erious! What about my crooked smile or the sound of my laughter?? What I want for you more than anything is to TRULY LIVE, BOLDLY LIVE.... with me always in your heart! You can do this! I want you too!!The vast amount of love that you hold for me DOES NOT require an equal amount of grief. It is actually a testament to how much you love me to let go of your grief and find joy again!!Letting go of your grief DOES NOT mean that you are letting go of me! It actually means that you will be open to a much closer relationship with me! I have sent you so many signs that you do not see because of your grief.It is time to step back on your path Dear Mother. I will ALWAYS BE WALKING BESIDE YOU!!!!!!! MAKE ME PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!Your Loving Child

Thanks Maddy, I am definitely going to print that out and put on my fridge. And I also think that the reason that many of us are here is because we just don't have family or friends that we can talk to openly about our pain. Those that are lucky enough to have people that care are so fortunate. It is a tough position to be in when you have to go it alone.They just can't deal with it. I would give anything to have a family member I could actually sit down with face to face and say that I am hurting. They will not allow feelings to be shown in my family. It is a sign of weakness. Stiff upper lip and all that. Wonder if they would be so strong if it were their child?

I hope you are keeping well. Off to see those cars.Take care.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Maddy----I read both of the writings that you posted, and they are so very

uplifting. In the list of 5 things that we can do.......one said to find people

to talk to who will understand and really talk with you and listen to you.

I feel that, for me, (and many others here at BI), we have , indeed, found

a place where we can tell of our feelings, sorrow, and our day-in-day-out

lives......the good days, and the inevitable bad "black hole" days, and

everyone on this site understands. Also, loved the writing which was our

beloved child speaking to us. Very inspiring. Thanks so much for posting

these writings, friend.

Bonnie-----Good to see your post, and Jason's dear smile. So very sorry

for the accident which claimed the life of the sweet girl, Rebecca, in the

bike-riding accident. So sad. Sending prayers for her parents and family.

Dee----YAY !!! Hoping that the ERIFEST went well, and so glad that the

weather cooled down. Sweet ERi saw how much work and hope that you

put into it, and surely must have fluttered her wings......along with all our

angels...from the littlest wings on up.....to send cooling breezes down on

the festivities. Let us know how everything went when you get time.

I'm sure that you are a bit tired after all, but glad that it went well-----

the ERiFest Day to honor your sweet girl, Erica

Kate------Magic must have been an absolutely delightful pet, and the way

he anticipated the parties with such excitement and expectation must have

been so fun to see. Everyone in attendance must have laughed so much

when he went into his HAPPY BIRTHDAY howling routine. So cute !!

I'm glad to hear that the mosquitos & bugs have cleared out some, so that

you can enjoy the outdoors again. A fire, nice cup of coffee or glass of wine

sounds so nice & relaxing. Your story of the Gram who gave survival advice

goes to show that one generation can always pass some useful things onto

the next. As you say......the younger generation may not really appreciate

the advice at the time, but may very well use it in later times, and look back

and say how smart Gram was to give that advice. We're

finally getting some relief from the heat.....cooler here today.....mid 80's--

100 degrees yesterday, so this feels like a very welcome cooling off day.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[tobyfreefoot]

sometimes i can talk to my daughter but i feel bad because she always cries. a couple of forest's best friends too but mostly i don't find anyone else. you all are my lifeline some days. just to do something like post pics of the decorating because no one else cares or gets how important it was and how happy i was that so many people showed up. thanks for being here!

[summergirl]

Hello my dear friends - back from a week at the beach camping - what a wonderful time we had, beautiful weather, swimming, fishing, campfires, walks and just peace...no tv, no video games, no phones (except emergency) just sunshine and moonlight...We took Tavian's friend Damien and he stayed all week with us, he said I was a really good cook and he wanted to stay...lol Many long walks, most thinking of my Jessica and how much I miss her, how much I wished she were there but I know in my heart that she was....Her birthday coming on the 21st...Oh the days leading up too.....

Bonnie - I am so sorry for the loss of the young girl, my first thought was "oh no, not another young gone" and then "the dad, how he must be suffering" as we all know the "guilt" we feel even though there is nothing we could have done to prevent it, it will still force its way into your head and heart...I pray for him to be able to live with the fact the it "was and accident". I will send Dorothy a note and thank you for sharing and keeping the love going

I met a real nice couple on the beach, they asked of Jessica and about Tavian....They have a beautiful, very large dog who is a therapy dog....His name is Lake and they take him to several different hospitals to visit with the young who have cancer...the owner (Larry) is a cancer survivor and this is his way of giving back...what a sweet loving dog, made me want to go get one.....We exchanged e-mail's as I took a few pics of them with Lake and want to send it to them....I will post one for you...

Dee - so glad that ERI-FEST went so wonderfully once more for you and all those who came.....It warms my heart and makes me smile to think of your Eri smiling down and flying among you, whispering to you through the winds.....

My friends I am tired, missing my girl although I know she wants me to be happy I will always, always have my "moments".....

I will post a few pics and say good nite and talk soon....Love Peace and Strength, Kathy, Jessica'a mom always

The sign "Jessies Beach" was made for me by a friend not long after she left us....it always goes to the beach with us as she does

Sweet Tavian relaxing around the campfire

Tavian and Damien being silly

The couple I met and their dog Lake

[hessley0503]

Hello all,

Hope everyone had a great day. It was a hot one here in Florida!! Which it has been miserable since Tropical Storm Debby came through here and left most of the area flooded. Mosquitos are HORRID!! And the temps are in the 100s and humidity is high as well. We are working on a nice pool area with a deck and gazebo. Something we have wanted for years and now we are doing it so that we all have a much needed relaxing spot. We have been putting little touches of Rai around it. I mean come on we have to have our Rai of sunshine there with us too But with the heat and bugs makes it horrible to try and get it finished. But we are getting there. I am still trying to learn everyones names so bear with me I promise I will catch on soon ;-) A little about our Rai...as with all our girl she was very tall at the age of 14 she was 5'8" tall blonde hair amazing blue eyes. She was a brainiac...she loved google, Facebook, YouTube, and creating all kinds of science projects with her dad in my kitchen. She was strong in her love for Jesus and believe or not was a very big advocate for organ donor. Which is why we made sure have her be an organ donor. Rai wanted to be a pediatrician. She was a straight A student so she was well on her way to achieving that goal. She was very quick witted. So full of life. Always had a smile on her face. She had a single dimple which she called her missing muscle smile because apparently that's what makes a dimple is a defect in your muscles....Im not sure about that but leave it to my Rai to google it and say that. She was full of little useless info like that. She would always say to everyone too to smile it will make your butt tickle....we even used that at her celebration of life. I mean come on who couldn't use that??? It was definitely a Raivynism LOL Those are just a few little insights on our Rai...there are so many more things. With 3 teenage daughters and all their friends in our home at all times and having a very open close knit family that has discussions about any and everything there was/is never a dull moment.

much love,

Tracie

missing my Rai of sunshine

[ericasmom]

Kathy, great to see the photos of your good times on the beach---Jessica's beach. Fabulous.

Tracie, your new pool area sounds like a welcome respite after so much heat but also a place to relax and give thought to that RAI of sunshine of yours. She sounds like a beauty of mind and soul. So funny to smile it makes your butt tickle. I know your heart aches with missing and that is why it is so good to tell all about her, the nuances that made her this amazing Girl. Like snowflakes, no two alike. When you can and if you want, post a photo of Raivyn and keep telling us life in your home. What part of Florida are you living? My niece is in Sarasota.

[BrendaDup59]

Hello all,

Hope everyone had a great day. It was a hot one here in Florida!! Which it has been miserable since Tropical Storm Debby came through here and left most of the area flooded. Mosquitos are HORRID!! And the temps are in the 100s and humidity is high as well. We are working on a nice pool area with a deck and gazebo. Something we have wanted for years and now we are doing it so that we all have a much needed relaxing spot. We have been putting little touches of Rai around it. I mean come on we have to have our Rai of sunshine there with us too But with the heat and bugs makes it horrible to try and get it finished. But we are getting there. I am still trying to learn everyones names so bear with me I promise I will catch on soon ;-) A little about our Rai...as with all our girl she was very tall at the age of 14 she was 5'8" tall blonde hair amazing blue eyes. She was a brainiac...she loved google, Facebook, YouTube, and creating all kinds of science projects with her dad in my kitchen. She was strong in her love for Jesus and believe or not was a very big advocate for organ donor. Which is why we made sure have her be an organ donor. Rai wanted to be a pediatrician. She was a straight A student so she was well on her way to achieving that goal. She was very quick witted. So full of life. Always had a smile on her face. She had a single dimple which she called her missing muscle smile because apparently that's what makes a dimple is a defect in your muscles....Im not sure about that but leave it to my Rai to google it and say that. She was full of little useless info like that. She would always say to everyone too to smile it will make your butt tickle....we even used that at her celebration of life. I mean come on who couldn't use that??? It was definitely a Raivynism LOL Those are just a few little insights on our Rai...there are so many more things. With 3 teenage daughters and all their friends in our home at all times and having a very open close knit family that has discussions about any and everything there was/is never a dull moment.

much love,

Tracie

missing my Rai of sunshine

Tracie, I really enjoyed reading about your Rai, she certainly sounded like a rai of sunshine, I am not very good at writing things so I tend to be a lurker ,I try ..lol .we will be going on 4 months since I lost my handsome son, who always had a special place in my heart even at the age of 32 he always made me feel special, he was such a wonderful father it breaks my heart that his children wont grow up not knowing him in person , we will always keep his memory alive for them. Some days when I think about him I can hardly function ,the thought that I will not hear his voice or see his beautiful face. but I will someday. well I hope you have a good day as good as it can be . Take Care Brenda

[JD's Mom, Becky]

40 weeks today, Jared. love you infinity...

[tobyfreefoot]

40 weeks today, Jared. love you infinity...

becky--did you put up some metal signs?? where did you get them and how much did they cost? we are thinking of starting a non profit for drowsy driving education. was thinking about road signs

[tobyfreefoot]

on this day a year ago i buried my oldest son. this is how i feel even though he was in a car crash in another state.

"I exist to protect my baby from the world and I didn't."

--taken from a letter from a mom.

me too. i am so sorry forest. i love you so.

also a poem from my favorite poet:

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied

Who told me time would ease me of my pain!

I miss him in the weeping of the rain;

I want him at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side,

And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;

But last year's bitter loving must remain

Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear

To go,--so with his memory they brim!

And entering with relief some quiet place

Where never fell his foot or shone his face

I say, "There is no memory of him here!"

And so stand stricken, so remembering him! --Edna St. Vincent Millay

[daveydow1]

Tracie------Thanks for telling us a bit about your dear Raivyn. She must have been a

very special girl, and so intelligent. She was a beauty, I'm sure. You will catch on

to everyone here in due time.......it does take awhile. The more you visit the site

and read/post, the more you will get to know everyone and their stories. Peace to you.

JDsmom----Thinking of you as you mark the time of your dear son, JD's passing.

May you somehow find some peace & comfort.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[BrendaDup59]

on this day a year ago i buried my oldest son. this is how i feel even though he was in a car crash in another state.

"I exist to protect my baby from the world and I didn't."

--taken from a letter from a mom.

me too. i am so sorry forest. i love you so.

also a poem from my favorite poet:

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied

Who told me time would ease me of my pain!

I miss him in the weeping of the rain;

I want him at the shrinking of the tide;

The old snows melt from every mountain-side,

And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;

But last year's bitter loving must remain

Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear

To go,--so with his memory they brim!

And entering with relief some quiet place

Where never fell his foot or shone his face

I say, "There is no memory of him here!"

And so stand stricken, so remembering him! --Edna St. Vincent Millay

Sherry, I know today is very hard,for you, Just know your in my thoughts and prayers . Brenda

[ericasmom]

40 weeks is a long time...my heart to you Becky.

How is your hand coming?

Gretchen, that poem makes me weep. I am so weepy this week, it is our HOLY WEEK> Eri hit on the 8th, died on the 14th. Each day I review what we did 9 years ago on this day of waiting and heartache...hard. I don't let myself go to July 2003 often, after a while, I learned to not go there each day adn eventually I went less and less because it is too tragic to do anything but be in the midst of loss and tragedy and horror. It took my oxygen adn it took my energy. I learned to temper those visits and when I learned that, I was able to have more time for the power and joy of ERi. But July is when I do go there, that backwards look at time that has changed our lives so completely. I wander those hallways of the hospital, I can see the lovely faces of the Trauma Unit nurses, the Donate Life people, the custodian of the hospital each morning as he came to clean the area, 3-6 of us sleeping on the floor there in sleeping bags each night, refusing to leave. Oh what times that befell our family and friends and yet, she shines on us all, never gone from our lives, and I am so grateful to feel her in all I do.

The other day at ERI-fest, we had 84 people come to our yard. We laughed and told stories, we cried, we shared photos from the long ago days of ERi. We collected over 1200.00 for the Eri-fund that I use for families at our school...amazing ways to let us know that Eri remains in the hearts of many, in the hopes of many. Oh, and one of our solar lights flickered in the corner of the yard toward the end of the party. I stood out there after everyone was gone and watched it flicker and spoke to ERi, asked her if she is winking at me...the next night, that light was not flickering. Eri was letting us know she was present at the party. She always loved a party.

The day following the Fest, I went to the cemetery. It was the 8th, the day that Eri was struck, the day of that horrid phone call. I sat with ERi and wrote in my journal, and when I was going to leave, I bent to kiss her name on her stone and ended up laying flat ontop of her grave weeping, loudly and fully and dropped my tears to wash her flat stone.

I miss you my sweet Erica Eileen.

[tobyfreefoot]

40 weeks is a long time...my heart to you Becky.

How is your hand coming?

Gretchen, that poem makes me weep. I am so weepy this week, it is our HOLY WEEK> Eri hit on the 8th, died on the 14th. Each day I review what we did 9 years ago on this day of waiting and heartache...hard. I don't let myself go to July 2003 often, after a while, I learned to not go there each day adn eventually I went less and less because it is too tragic to do anything but be in the midst of loss and tragedy and horror. It took my oxygen adn it took my energy. I learned to temper those visits and when I learned that, I was able to have more time for the power and joy of ERi. But July is when I do go there, that backwards look at time that has changed our lives so completely. I wander those hallways of the hospital, I can see the lovely faces of the Trauma Unit nurses, the Donate Life people, the custodian of the hospital each morning as he came to clean the area, 3-6 of us sleeping on the floor there in sleeping bags each night, refusing to leave. Oh what times that befell our family and friends and yet, she shines on us all, never gone from our lives, and I am so grateful to feel her in all I do.

The other day at ERI-fest, we had 84 people come to our yard. We laughed and told stories, we cried, we shared photos from the long ago days of ERi. We collected over 1200.00 for the Eri-fund that I use for families at our school...amazing ways to let us know that Eri remains in the hearts of many, in the hopes of many. Oh, and one of our solar lights flickered in the corner of the yard toward the end of the party. I stood out there after everyone was gone and watched it flicker and spoke to ERi, asked her if she is winking at me...the next night, that light was not flickering. Eri was letting us know she was present at the party. She always loved a party.

The day following the Fest, I went to the cemetery. It was the 8th, the day that Eri was struck, the day of that horrid phone call. I sat with ERi and wrote in my journal, and when I was going to leave, I bent to kiss her name on her stone and ended up laying flat ontop of her grave weeping, loudly and fully and dropped my tears to wash her flat stone.

I miss you my sweet Erica Eileen.

i am so glad so many people showed up!!! everything you express here is me to a t. when i get a chance to be alone at forest's grave i will do the same but like you revisiting that day completely undoes me. i just can't do it often.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I come and I read, and my heart goes out to all of you. 40 weeks for me.... how on earth can that be? It still hurts so badly, and right now I want to cry but it hurts my throat and my neck to do so. I have the hard neck collar on, 24-7, and it is perfectly miserable. The first week home spent throwing up, and had to stop taking any pain meds. Stomach better now, but very uncomfortable. I have thought a lot about Jared's injuries this week, and feel guilty complaining at all. Still no feeling in my arm and hand. There was a lot of swelling, so maybe when I get back to normal, whatever that is...

[BrendaDup59]

40 weeks is a long time...my heart to you Becky.

How is your hand coming?

Gretchen, that poem makes me weep. I am so weepy this week, it is our HOLY WEEK> Eri hit on the 8th, died on the 14th. Each day I review what we did 9 years ago on this day of waiting and heartache...hard. I don't let myself go to July 2003 often, after a while, I learned to not go there each day adn eventually I went less and less because it is too tragic to do anything but be in the midst of loss and tragedy and horror. It took my oxygen adn it took my energy. I learned to temper those visits and when I learned that, I was able to have more time for the power and joy of ERi. But July is when I do go there, that backwards look at time that has changed our lives so completely. I wander those hallways of the hospital, I can see the lovely faces of the Trauma Unit nurses, the Donate Life people, the custodian of the hospital each morning as he came to clean the area, 3-6 of us sleeping on the floor there in sleeping bags each night, refusing to leave. Oh what times that befell our family and friends and yet, she shines on us all, never gone from our lives, and I am so grateful to feel her in all I do.

The other day at ERI-fest, we had 84 people come to our yard. We laughed and told stories, we cried, we shared photos from the long ago days of ERi. We collected over 1200.00 for the Eri-fund that I use for families at our school...amazing ways to let us know that Eri remains in the hearts of many, in the hopes of many. Oh, and one of our solar lights flickered in the corner of the yard toward the end of the party. I stood out there after everyone was gone and watched it flicker and spoke to ERi, asked her if she is winking at me...the next night, that light was not flickering. Eri was letting us know she was present at the party. She always loved a party.

The day following the Fest, I went to the cemetery. It was the 8th, the day that Eri was struck, the day of that horrid phone call. I sat with ERi and wrote in my journal, and when I was going to leave, I bent to kiss her name on her stone and ended up laying flat ontop of her grave weeping, loudly and fully and dropped my tears to wash her flat stone.

I miss you my sweet Erica Eileen.

Dee, I could feel all your heart ache in this and I truly feel ERi was there watching you, I didn't have to go through the hospital part as I was told in my moms driveway that my son was gone, the worst moment in my life, I lost it ,I try and not think about that day to often as it is just too painful.I still can not go to Lowe's as that is where I was when it happen, I feel sick if I even think about going. I don't get to go to his grave as he is buried in Northern KY about 300 miles from me. I hope to plan something for next March . I just wanted to tell you I was thinking about you . Take Care Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

I come and I read, and my heart goes out to all of you. 40 weeks for me.... how on earth can that be? It still hurts so badly, and right now I want to cry but it hurts my throat and my neck to do so. I have the hard neck collar on, 24-7, and it is perfectly miserable. The first week home spent throwing up, and had to stop taking any pain meds. Stomach better now, but very uncomfortable. I have thought a lot about Jared's injuries this week, and feel guilty complaining at all. Still no feeling in my arm and hand. There was a lot of swelling, so maybe when I get back to normal, whatever that is...

Becky I cant imagine what you are going through, I sure hope you get to healing soon, and get feeling in your arm and hand. , Just take Care of yourself . I'm sure Jared's is there wrapping his arms around you. Brenda

[Jeff's Mom]

Had a particularly bad day. Can't say why that is. I woke up this morning to a brilliant sunny sky. In other words... a perfect day...yet I had a knot in the pit of my stomach. I could not settle. I headed outside to walk my dog and work in the yard. Again I felt ill at ease. I walked in to find three messages on our voice mail from my husband. His car died out at the airport while picking up a co-worker. This is a newer car. He called me back few hours later to say they had never seen anything like it. A potential disaster. There was a break in the fuel line and ignition coil , etc. He could have been killed. They were amazed that it did not happen! So anybody that is in doubt of the afterlife and help...well, he is very grateful for their help. Thanks Jeff! The problem was dealt with successfully and he arrived home safe and sound. Funny thing is...all last night I could have sworn I hear somebody walking around this place. As God is my witness I heard it. The dog was unsettled and she appeared to be concerned as well.

The weather has now heated up big time. Spoke to my son this evening and it is over 30C in Calgary with the breezes off of the mountains. It is heading our way...thanks for nothing! Supposedly 35C by Wednesday. Hope you are all well and keeping safe and cool. Thinking of all of you. Take care.

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Had a particularly bad day. Can't say why that is. I woke up this morning to a brilliant sunny sky. In other words... a perfect day...yet I had a knot in the pit of my stomach. I could not settle. I headed outside to walk my dog and work in the yard. Again I felt ill at ease. I walked in to find three messages on our voice mail from my husband. His car died out at the airport while picking up a co-worker. This is a newer car. He called me back few hours later to say they had never seen anything like it. A potential disaster. There was a break in the fuel line and ignition coil , etc. He could have been killed. They were amazed that it did not happen! So anybody that is in doubt of the afterlife and help...well, he is very grateful for their help. Thanks Jeff! The problem was dealt with successfully and he arrived home safe and sound. Funny thing is...all last night I could have sworn I hear somebody walking around this place. As God is my witness I heard it. The dog was unsettled and she appeared to be concerned as well.

The weather has now heated up big time. Spoke to my son this evening and it is over 30C in Calgary with the breezes off of the mountains. It is heading our way...thanks for nothing! Supposedly 35C by Wednesday. Hope you are all well and keeping safe and cool. Thinking of all of you. Take care.

Kate

Oh wow Kate, I would agree with you Jeff was there to make sure his father was OK , Thank goodness, I do believe there is an after life, this brings back a memory of when my Kaleb was 3 he was an escape artist and one day at my moms he got out of the gate and ran across traffic a busy stree in front of her house and let me tell you God or my father one was his guarden angel because he got across with out being hit not once but 3 times.. he was a fast little bugger .. my mom even put up a 6 ft fence because he would climb the chain link fences , Well I hope tomorrow is a better day for you . and glad your husbands car got fixed, Oh I got my first real offer to do a commission of a Cougar/Mountain Lion today I had contacted a wild life rehab ranch to ask if I could use there pictures to draw and I had put a picture of one of my granddaughters holding a giraffe I had done for her birthday and they liked it enough to ask me to draw their Cougar for a lady that provides all the meat for the big Cats it's her birthday soon. so I told them I would try and any money they would pay me I would like to donate back to the wild Heart ranch. so we will see. I am not so sure I will be able to do her justice but I will give it a try . have a good night. Take Care Brenda

[ericasmom]

Brenda, congrats on your drawing job, how nice for you and how nice for the woman who will receive it. Also, what a nice way to give back by giving it to the animal center.

Yes, no matter where or how we heard our saddest news, the memory of it is lasting of course and can limit us as far as what our sadness will allow.

Becky, what do the doctors think about your arm and hand ...timeline for feeling again? Are you doing any Physical Therapy? 24/7 of hard shell neck brace? Oh my, I wish I could come help out.

Kate, the bad feeling in your gut was this situation for sure. Intuitive aren't you? Good thing to be. So glad that your hubby is fine now. Jeff was a busy Boy helping out his Pops.

[tobyfreefoot]

I come and I read, and my heart goes out to all of you. 40 weeks for me.... how on earth can that be? It still hurts so badly, and right now I want to cry but it hurts my throat and my neck to do so. I have the hard neck collar on, 24-7, and it is perfectly miserable. The first week home spent throwing up, and had to stop taking any pain meds. Stomach better now, but very uncomfortable. I have thought a lot about Jared's injuries this week, and feel guilty complaining at all. Still no feeling in my arm and hand. There was a lot of swelling, so maybe when I get back to normal, whatever that is...

Becky, i didn't mean to be insensitive to your grief when i asked about the signs. i felt bad about that all night at work. i just had been wanting to ask you and when i saw you on i just blurted it out. anyway i apologize. you know my heart is with you always. btw when i had back surgery the swelling did contribute to the numbness and pain.

[rlolheiser]

Checking in today, I read some yesterday, but the computer was being mean to me and I gave up.

Dee, glad that ERi fest was a good one, glad she came around to lend you support, but I suspect that she is always with you, I am thinking of you both always.

Becky, sure hope you feel better soon, you have been through so much.

Kate, glad everything worked out for your husband, so happy your angel and the good Lord were watching out for him.

Brenda, how exciting to get the job, I think cougars are beautiful animals.

Gretchen, thank you for sharing the poem, bittersweet remembering.

Yesterday I had Sena's counciling appointment. I wasn't happy with it. The psychologist brought up the fact that I am raising Sena's half brother. She then wanted to know why I didn't adopt Sena. I told her that when Sena was born, her mother and father were together, there was no thought at all of taking her from them. When my son was born, they were fighting, and the baby wasn't his. She even asked Sena how she felt, and Sena acted surprised to find out my boy is her half brother. I didn't know how to react, because when the relative told my son he was adopted, Sena was in on all the conversations. when I got her to the car, she looked at me and said, I was told by somebody a long time ago about it. I don't know why she said she didn't know, kinda stumped.. but then I was floored, when Sena said her psychiatrist asked her if she wanted me to adopt her. I don't think that was proper, and I will be asking next week what was on her mind. I love my grandaughter, but I want some day for her parents to grow up and show her she is loved..(done ranting)

I also got some other news. I heard that my grandaughter in Williston is pregnant. She won't be 18 until April, she is engaged, and I don't think she is able to raise a baby. She herself is childish. I love her.. she has had it tough, she was JaBoa's best friend and has not handled her passing well. I guess I just worry to much.. its what I do best. I always thought my oldest grandaughter would make me a great grandma first.. another generation, I hope her mother is ready.

Its going to be in the 90s the rest of the week, so I guess I better get moving, need to go to town so mom can be comfortable. Take care of yourselves.

[echofc]

Dear Friends,

Yesterday makes a year since I have seen my beautiful daughter or heard her laugh. I am trying very hard to just get through this, but yesterday with all her friends posting on Facebook and getting calls, brought back the sadness which was just laying just below the surface. I can't go through this pain all over again. I have become hyper-sensitive to situations, especially going to weddings. Stacy was supposed to be married this summer and it really makes it hard to go to and see others starting their lives together. I wish them the best, just feel sad. Unfortunately I have to go to two in the next two months. How do I keep my emotions under wraps? I hate being this way.

Sue

[ericasmom]

STACY

STACY

STACY

May you sweep into your Mom's surroundings and let her feel your peace, let her know that you are near. Help her with her broken heart, knowing that it will repair preserving you within it.

Sue, prayers for you during this hard time. No parent should know this ache, but here we all are. I would suggest that if you don't feel up to the weddings coming up, to send a letter and a gift and I am sure any thinking human would understand.

[westleysmom]

STACY STACY STACY-Forever loved and missed

Sue-Sorry to have missed Stacy's angel day. So very sorry for your sadness that others may not understand. Wonderful things happening to other people's kids are still wonderful to them, but it brings so much heartache to us when we realize that our kids will not get to experience them. Hugs to you.

[BrendaDup59]

Dear Friends,

Yesterday makes a year since I have seen my beautiful daughter or heard her laugh. I am trying very hard to just get through this, but yesterday with all her friends posting on Facebook and getting calls, brought back the sadness which was just laying just below the surface. I can't go through this pain all over again. I have become hyper-sensitive to situations, especially going to weddings. Stacy was supposed to be married this summer and it really makes it hard to go to and see others starting their lives together. I wish them the best, just feel sad. Unfortunately I have to go to two in the next two months. How do I keep my emotions under wraps? I hate being this way.

Sue

Sue I know it is a very hard day for you today, I know it is hard to watch others go on with there lives , while ours will never be the same, even my friends that were there the week my son passed I do not hear from, sad, Just know I am thinking about you today. Take Care Brenda

[Jeff's Mom]

Sue, I agree with the others. Only you can know what you will comfortable in doing. Either way it is your decision to make. I'm sure they will understand due to the circumstances. A very close friend of Jeff's was married a few weeks ago. It really did not hit me at the time until I sat in the privacy of our own home and looked at the wedding photos sent to me recently. Then...out of the blue it felt like hitting a brick wall. His absence was so noticable from the group pictures with all of his friends gathered. It hurt like heck. While I was very happy to see him move forward with his life ...it did send my into a downward spiral of depression for a few days. Not his fault...just the sadness and longing to see Jeff again.

Brenda...that is just awesome! So happy that you were given this commission to paint what you love so much. I hope you will take a picture for us and share before it is sent off.

Leah...Keep cool down there. It's hot as blazes up here now. So much for the gentle breezes off of the lake. There is not a breath of wind today and they are calling for 32C. Tomorrow 35C and continuing for another week. People packed up by the droves yesterday and headed back to the comfort of their air conditioning in the city. My faithful R2D2 is going to have to earn his way tomorrow. Hope you are doing OK.

Carol...thinking of you and Ralph...and Trudi as well.

Dee...I'm sure you are relaxing after a tense yet wonderful tribute to Erica on the weekend. Hope your garden is surviving the heat. My lilies are just now opening up. As I write this I have the sprinkler giving them a light shower, There is a noisy war going on outside this window between many birds gathered to have a bath. We have a lake that is one of the largest in the wolrd and yet these guys are fighting over a sprinkler! Go figure.

[517958]

Stacy, beautiful Stacy. Another July Angelversary.

Has anyone heard from Susan - Shannon's mom? I haven't seen Shannon's smiling face in her posts in a while...

[Jeff's Mom]

Stacy, beautiful Stacy. Another July Angelversary.

Has anyone heard from Susan - Shannon's mom? I haven't seen Shannon's smiling face in her posts in a while...

Yes, I spoke to her privately a few weeks ago. She is doing as best as you would expect. She's keeping really busy these days.

[tobyfreefoot]

STACY STACY STACY

SUE I HOPE SEEING YOUR DAUGHTER'S NAME BRINGS SOME LIGHT INTO YOUR LIFE.

my son forest was buried on july 9th, 2011. i will now remember stacy on that day the rest of my life.

[rlolheiser]

Stacy.. Stacy.. Stacy..

may your presence be felt by your mom today.. everyday.

Sue, It is hard to watch others go through everyday life. It is hard to think this is what I should be doing.. but we go through the motions the best we can and if we have a meltdown so be it. It happens, and I like to think the people that we love enough to attend the functions understand also, your human, you have emotions and it is ok to be sad on a happy day. A year isn't long don't be so hard on yourself, just do what you can do, if you need to excuse yourself do so.. be kind to you

[mysonrich]

Stacy, Stacy, Stacy saying your name out loud and looking at a beautiful smile while you eat a yummy lobster. As I gaze over your shoulder I see “ Angelique “. Is this the name of the restaurant?

Sue, I'm so sorry you are feeling the sadness and pain of missing your girl. As far as weddings, I missed the 1^st one I was invited to a couple of months after Rich died as well as a baby shower.

June 2012 I attended the wedding of my niece, Lisa, born 4 months after Rich. I left the reception for a few minutes and walked the grounds, sat upon the outside staircase and

gathered myself in silent thought. Just take the time you need and no one says you have to stay for the entire event. ((((hugs))))

[mysonrich]

Kate, last night right before I signed on and read of your husbands car episode I was reading the online edition of our newspaper. A woman fell asleep in her living room chair after returning home from a birthday party. It was around 12am. Shortly after she felt a nudge on her shoulder and woke up. Her house was on fire! She ran upstairs to wake her son and they made it out safely along with the neighbors. She said that the nudge came from her mother or God. I believe this too.

Brenda, you have an exciting opportunity in front of you. I know your drawing will be beautiful.

Dee, I have been thinking of you a lot since Eri-fest. I'm glad the weather changed course to allow for a comfortable day/evening. I think I know of the feelings that may follow such a celebrated day, in honor of Erica, and I hope you are feeling “ok” . The strife that followed Richie’s death has not allowed me to honor him in such a way. There may be a time when I can but if not, my way will be enough.

Leah, always keeping you in mind and the family responsibilities that you handle daily. May you have continued strength and peace and maybe win the lottery!

Becky, sounds like an awful lot to handle. Do you have help? And did they enter the surgery area through the front , neck area? A friend had her vertebra fused. Just wondering.

Tracie, I am so sorry that you are here but you have found a wonderful place to share the life of joy that is Raivyn. Thank you for sharing.

Sherry, we have had rain off and on so things are very green here. Hope a storm cloud or 2 comes your way and let it rain,let it rain,let it rain..w/o high winds and lightning!

During the past few days I have been sorting belongings again. Not mine. Not Richie's or Sarahs but my paternal grandmother, my mom's( 2010) and soon, my dads file's. I figured out that I am tired of carrying, pulling,hauling some of this stuff around with me. Not that jewelry( my grandmother died in “85) is heavy, I just don't wear much. So I sort. No diamonds or rubies. Some things from the 20's on up, I pick a couple pieces and will gauge a price and see what I can do. I might just give it away. My moms things stay. Not a lot but most items,jewelry, I have a connection to. My dad's(2011) stuff, probably one big hefty trash bag will do. I think he was OCD and there is/are lots of paper that I will sort.Of course not all is trash but it is making me soooo tired!

Its all rather draining. SO, I have been reading but my mind has been sorting.

I'll catch up later. Rhonda, Carol( where is Carol?) Karen,Kathy, Gretchen,Brenda,Betty,Angela, ...Indigo’s.

[ericasmom]

Kate, I know what you mean and got a kick on how you said it when you spoke of the birds...we just watched the cardinals, sparrows, finch, wrens, and even a small woodpecker clamor for the sprinkler, the sound of their joy is undeniable. It has been in the mid 80's and breezy so I am quite happy to be outside.

Leah, I am a bit surprised by your social worker asking these things in front of Sena too, without first giving you a heads-up...but I guess she wanted to see what Sena felt without any provocation.

[Jeff's Mom]

We just returned from sitting on the memorial bench for ages. It was a perfect time of the day to go. The sun was filtering between the trees and there was now an incredibly lovely cooling breeze off of the water. We just sat in silence and as Carol mentioned a few days back. Not one word was spoken. Both of us caught up in our private thoughts.

It was a true blessing that my husband could not start the car up when he got back in at the airport. Everything just froze up. We are so lucky to be surrounded by our angels. I miss him so much. Still, today I realized that I may not be able to see him any longer, but he definitely is not far from us.

Thinking of everyone as they try to stay cool and cope with health issues and their own personal sadness regarding their child. Take care.

Kate

[Guest]

.....

[shorty16]

Hello my friends

Just wanted to stop in and say HI.

Finding my emotions hard to handle lately, but it will soon be over. Like I said before, Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think we would see Brian's 21st birthday without him.

Tomorrow, I am leaving on a business trip. I will be in Miami for the 11th and 12th of July. This will be the first birthday since he died that I am working. I think it is time.

Sue, you said several weddings are going on and asked how to get throught them. No-one expects alot from you right now. Just showing up, hugging the couple may be all that you can do and that is OK. In fact, I did not attend much at all after Brian died. Be kind to yourself and think of your well-being.

Love to all my friends

Colleen, Brian's Mother 4ever