Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I look forward to the photos and love to hear the excitement in your words. So glad that you had a nice day.

[Guest msnher]

"You have just hit a brick wall going 100 miles per hour. And although your injuries cannot be seen, they are there none the less." That is what I was told when Stephanie died and I didn't understand why I couldn't do the things I once did. Or why I didn't enjoy the things I once did. Or why I had no desire to do ANYTHING. Be as gentle with yourselves as you can. Do what you can when you can.

Diane - it is normal to want your life to end,too, after you lose a child. It becomes dangerous when you become suicidal. Anyone can give you a million reasons why your life is still worth living, but when you're in the amount of pain you're in right now none of those reasons matter. I, personally, don't try to kill myself anymore because I keep screwing it up and one of the near death experiences I read said if you kill yourself you have to come back (reincarnate) to relive this life's lessons. THIS life!? No thanks! You will never be the same, but you will learn to live with the new you. Your tears will never dry completely, but you will feel the sun again. I hope you go to the doctor and are able to get some help. You are so tiny I'm sure your body's reserves are all gone and it is screaming in revolt. Treat yourself as you would a wounded bird. You will learn to fly again.

Betsy - I'm on pins and needles to see the pictures. But, I'll wait patiently. I'm so glad you had such a blessed day...mixed with sweet sorrow.

Dee - I had a great day. I was able to spend several hours with a young woman who wants to change the direction her life is going. I was also blessed to run into some dear friends and have meaningful conversations. It was sunny (and warmer) out so that was an added plus. The cool thing is the conversation didn't focus on MY grief with anyone I met with today. There was even some laughter. You all told me I would have days like this. Back then I couldn't imagine a day without pain, but I had one today. Are you feeling better? Perhaps you said and I've already forgotten. I love the picture of the light on your path. Sends shivers up my spine.

Colleen - You realize that means there are 28 more people out there who have just been given some of your son's stubborness....thank God!! What a gift of love! Queen of the whipping stick. You told me to stop it, too. Then I had to tell you to stop it.

Carol - How are you feeling? Love the picture of the barn and the single light coming forth.

Well, that's about enough out of me. I hope you all get some rest. I hope none of you kill yourself. If you do, leave a note. It's only common courtesy to leave a note. My nephew didn't leave a note. None of us still know why he shot himself. He was having a great day, so we thought. So our family has a pact..we will leave a note. I about wrote a book when I tried, then I didn't die.

Another friend told me that if you have not completed what God sent you here to do he will interfer with your death. If you have completed what he sent you here to do nothing can keep you here .

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Sus, glad that you had a fun day and a day that felt warm sunshine in it, and without the ache that we know is on the ready at any turn. Good for you. I hope the young lady in question finds the direction that will bring joy. I like the saying about interfering with our lives and when we have completed our duties, our lessons, our givings, we leave.

[charsng1234]

it was my husbands birthady tonight I can fake a smile my pain is so deep!!I miss my Shane so much why me??? Its been almost 2 months I hurt so much I try to be happy for others but its so hard!!!!! I want to kick and throw a fit about my son.. I hate life so much right now this is not living, will I ever live again??

[mikesmomrs]

Sharon, yes, dear, you will. No one can say when, no one can tell you how, but one day, you will have a memory of Shane that will cause a warmth in your heart, you will hardly notice it, and your instant thought will be "how could I remember that with joy...my son is dead...nothing should bring joy to me." But, in fact, the memories should bring joy to you, eventually....those memories are a part of who Shane was, who you were with him, and they will resurface, in a kind, bittersweet way, and there will even come a day when you will actually laugh. I can still remember that first time I heard myself laugh...I thought it was someone else. I couldn't believe that it had just come from me. And, of course, it was over something that I was remembering and we were chatting about, regarding Mike...the memories that Shane left in your heart carry much more love and joy than the sadness of that one day when he left this earth...they have to, because his life was so much more than his death. And eventually those memories will actually overshadow all of the sadness taht has followed that one day when Shane left this earth...they won't make it go away completely, but you will slowly notice that you are feeling that joy, that the sadness has softened...but that is some time away from now...you are too new to this to expect that to happen now. For now, you must rely on others to help carry you through this dark valley. We here at Bi, who know your pain and truly understand your heartbreak, we will help you through this. We promise. It is so difficult to celebrate something (your husband's birthday) when your heart is so filled with pain...perhaps by this time next year, you will be able to sing happy birthday to your husband, and you will feel Shane's presence, warming the room and holding you all close.

Betsy: I too anxiously await the posting of your pictures...it sounds like a wonderful day was had by you and I am so glad for you---you certainly deserve it.

Sus: I am feeling better, though not completely there yet, bouts of nausea with these new meds, but lessening every day. I am glad that you had a good day, and glad that you were able to have some meaningful conversations with friends.

Colleen: I can't imagine the pride you feel, knowing that Brian's spirit is encompassing all of those he helped to have a better life. Mike had it on his driver's license that he was a donor, but of course, they couldn't do anything because of the cancer. I sometimes wonder how I would feel if there had been some, but when I read the posts from you and from Dee, I know that it would have been a truly good thing---just was not something that was meant to be for Mike, I guess. I am glad that you got the letter. How is AJ and your daughter doing? Are they adjusting more to Brian's being gone? Is their anger cooling? Sending love and good thoughts.

Dee: Your shaft of light from Eri...still brings goosebumps to my skin and a warm smile to my heart...your beautiful Erz knew what you needed and there it was. So glad that you were able to capture it forever in a phot, though I imagine it is indelibly etched on your heart, as well. I hope you are feeling better.

Trudi: How are the classes coming? Are you at the ocean still? If so, have a sit by the water for me, and perhaps a few sips of lemonade. Sounds so good. The snow here is dirty and truly messy now, but that is a sure sign that spring is definitely on its way.

Which reminds me of a story from Mike's early years. We had moved into base housing here in NH, which had just been built, when he was just 2 1/2. It was a long wait for the housing, six months of moving from hotel to apt, to hotel, and unfortunately, it was a really nasty winter, lots of ice and tons of snow, and bitterly cold, without much outside time at all. Many times in late winter, I would sit by the window, with Mike on my lap, both of looking out, and I would say "soon spring will be here. It will be so much fun to go outside then." Well, finally came the day, the snow was gone, the sun was bright, the temps were in the 50's, and out he went, into our little side yard, about 12 sq feet big, and he was just tromping around, exploring. I saw him digging something out of the ground, and at first he had a smile, then a sad, sad frown came over his little face. I wasn't really seeing what he had in his hand, but he came over to me, presented me with what looked like an old curtain rod that was the old spring type that stretched from one side of the window to another, all rusted and dirty. He looked up at me, with that "oh, mommy, please fix this" look, as he asked "Mommy, is this "spwing?" That memory still tugs at my heart and still makes me wish that we mothers had all the magical powers that our babies thought we did, back then...no second guess needed to know what we would do with them now...for sure.

One of my favorite pics...Mike around 2 yo...

[mikesmum]

Sharon and Dianne - I just lost a large post to you both. Its so hard in these early days with 'dates' washing over you reminding you over and over that you have lost.

I remember waking that first morning after Mike died. For that split second it was like it never happened. Then I remembered. The agony, the inability to breath, the crushing pain in my heart was more than I could endure let alone survive. It continued for months.

I disconnected from everyone around me. Loving equalled pain for me. Getting close meant getting hurt beyond comprehension. There was anger at not being able to save Mike, anger at Mike for not staying. Anger at those who 'just didn't get it'.

I wanted to sleep and never wake up. While I slept it didn't hurt, yet I couldn't even sleep.

I so wanted to be gone. About 18 months or nearly two years after Mike died someone said something that hit me hard. Mike taking his own life was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The fallout is hard on those left to wonder why.

I'm now in the 4th year of being without Mike. Each anniversary birthday Christmas is hard in its own rite, just a little easier.

I was 'lucky' to have a support network of counsellors who knew my abyss had a hold on me. I still work with my psychologist to help me through the harder times of why whatif and ifonlys. I also come here.

I agree with Dee, seek a counsellor or assistance if the darkness is all consuming. It truly will not always be like this. It will find a place, a softening of the verocity of the pain will settle with you.

Enough from me.......my heart to all the newbies. The pain so raw leaps from the page..Found this on FB....Shawn's mum THanks.

Reflections of a Mother"

I gave you life,

but cannot live it for you.

I can give you directions,

but I cannot be there to lead you.

I can take you to church,

but I cannot make you believe.

I can teach you right from wrong,

but I cannot always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes,

but I cannot make you beautiful inside.

I can offer you advice,

but I cannot accept it for you.

I can give you love,

but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to share,

but I cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you respect,

but I cannot force you to show honour.

I can advise you about friends,

but cannot choose them for you.

I can advise you about sex,

but I cannot keep you pure.

I can tell you about alcohol & drugs,

but I can't say "No" for you.

I can tell you about lofty goals,

but I can't achieve them for you.

I can teach you about kindness,

but I can't force you to be gracious

I can pray for you,

but I cannot make you walk with God.

I can tell you how to live,

but I cannot give you eternal life.

I can love you with unconditional love all of

my life... and I will.

[ericasmom]

Just a moment to express my immense love for everyone here, for sharing their most achingly difficult stories anew for those newly born into this hardest of times. I was here, as was Sherry when many of you came and I remember those posts of anguish and words and thoughts that said, no way will this ever be softer, no way will I ever laugh again, the anger and the dark tunnels you lived... as we had lived in the years before you too, were found washed up on the shore struggling to breathe, wishing that perhaps you would not. Knowing what ti takes for everyone to offer the hope that you have means that a backward glance offers you a perspective that you never dreamed you'd have, and you do, and I celebrate this amazing journey that each of us have made. Those of you thinking that you will not make it, we are here in the dark, and one day, a tiny light will shine on your footfalls, you will see your steps, you will see the process of your work to stay alive and live it in the light of your Child and the love that is forever.

Trudi and Carol, your posts have wrapped me in a wash of beautiful colors, all the colors of hope.

[shorty16]

Good Morning my friends

My oldest daughter turns 21 today - Legal in every state.

Thanks for asking about my kids Trudi - Michelle still cries pretty much every day. Sometimes just a tear, other times a cry session. i just listen - she talks about the accident alot. She was one of the first there. She still has no empathy for the driver or the other passenger. Neither does Aaron. We do not talk about that, because they are both still very mad at them.

Scott does not like to talk about Brian at all. He engages me when I bring him up, but usually Scott just gives a heavy sigh and we look at each other and both know he is thinking about Brian.

Today, we are going to celebrate my daughter's birthday with a smile on our faces. The joy of seeing a surviving sibling fluish into a young women. We can still enjoy these times on Earth - it is work, yes, but my surviving children are worth it.

We are starting to laugh about the things Brian used to do and we sometimes guess what Brian would have done in a situation. - The light is shining, I just have to raise my head to see it.

Love to you all

Colleen

[crystalann]

Well 10 weeks I am supposed to be counting how long I havent smoked not how long Tyler has been gone! I miss him so much! Yesterday was my dads birthday I can remember complaining that my dad had never seen my kids and how sad I felt.Now I cannt see one of my kids and it just kills my heart.I still call his phone just to hear him say "Hey, whats up?" on his message.I am sure he has many messages on that phone i have it still in the evedence bag still with his blood on it from him trying to call911 his self. I dont know if it will ever get taken out of that bag. It will be a hard day today I always seem to replay every thing that happened that day. Him calling at 9 him .Him coming over at9:30. Us sitting together and deleteing all our text messages and laughing about how full the phones get.And lunch with him I will never eat corndogs again!!! I miss you TYLER. I love you withall my heart. Please send me a sign you are ok and there is some where you are waiting for all of us. I hope your with my mom and dad!!!! Done for now cannt see thru the tears

[Guest msnher]

Good morning, Indigo's;

I pray we are ALL still on this side of life? Diane? Sharon? Crystal (both of you)? Jenna's mom? Roll call......

Well, I'm still here.

Happy Birthday Michelle!! 21 - Woo-Hoo! Love to you, Colleen!

Love the poem, Trudi. Did Karen write it?

It's supposed to be in the 60's today! "Is this spwing, Mommy?" So cute, Carol. Glad you are beginning to feel better. I hope you are resting. How's Ralph?

Is the snow melting for all of you in the midwest and eastern states?

Love you back, Dee! And, everyone else here, too. Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[kmb22]

Hi Everyone...

Dee - Your words always touch me and I admire your ability to keep coming back to offer your kind and loving words. The compassion and strength you, Sherry, and everyone here have brought to so many, over the years, at the great risk of continuing to re-experience your own pain is humbling. Thank you all for being a source of strength in our weakest moment.

Trudi - I'm glad you posted Reflections of Mother...I got it from someone else on FB as well. Funny I was planning to take some of the same lines out of it too..it was a bit over the top at the end. Most of it is true, though I often did think I could do it all and more. Thank you to for your post I feel so much of what you've said. I've explained it as if I am living in a bubble looking out and no one is able to see or get in.

Carol - I'm so sorry to hear you've been sick. I do hope you are feeling better. Your story of Mike brought tears to my eyes..."If only" we were even half as magical as they believed we were then.

Susannah - Again so many of your words have left my mouth as well. "Anyone can give you a million reasons why your life is still worth living, but when you're in the amount of pain you're in right now none of those reasons matter"...painfully true. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying I'm so glad you weren't any good at it and grateful you were able to find reasons that did matter. {Hugs}

I'm so sorry I have to run for now but my heart is with each one of you.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Dee I agree!!! with Karen I too have come to love this Indigo Family I treasure each and every person who has posted here and . I feel honored to know their angels , see their pictures and feel the wonderful connection that comes thru on this Board. I have been reflecting on what a treasure trove of love and healing that I have found here and I would just like to list a few:

Karen WOW!!! " The UTUBE Video" entitled "Indigo Angels." The photos of each beautiful angels and the music touch my soul so deeply. I watch daily.

Dan" The Never Lose Faith" site that you have set up is beautiful I light a candle and visit each of our angels daily and it is one Stephen's 2 memorial sites that enrich me. In addition to that, your dedication to each Angelversary and Birthday with the special cards and the artistic presentations you give to each of us is priceless.

Bonnie's Yearly memorial for Jason where we have all been invited to submit flags of our Angels so they can be honored at the event

Greg's Annual car race to honor his beautiful angel Brian and where all our angels flags fly and the Decals made avail to everyone who wants

Dee's Eri Fest each year where lovely Eri is honored and our children's banners fly free with love

Marcia Annual Compassionate Friends Event where our angels flags are again honored

Carol Memorial Site for Mike as it was my inspiration for Stephen's Official Memorial Site which I visit daily and gain the strength to go forth one more day

Dee and Trudi, your Wisdom and Poems touch the soul and sooth the heart,Sus your humor and honesty,Sherry,Crystal, Amy,, Betsy , Carol and Rhonda your love and Compassion

I almost forgot Happy Birthday Michele

Crystal and Dianne I am so sorry for the tears but they are healing Keep bringing them here.

To all Indigos who share your joys, pain, loves and loss I thank you . Without your being here I could not

[westleysmom]

Morning all. Yesterday was 14 months and it was a hard day. My neice turned 10 years old on Saturday and we had her birthday party, and I kept thinking that when Westley turned 10, nearly half his life was over, but we didn't know. I went to the cemetery and sat for a while, it was cold and damp feeling. I straightened up the flowers on the graves close by and his. I talked to him about his friend and what's going on with that and what I have done for him. Thought again about the nurse coming in and shutting that door and the doctor saying he was sorry. Gripping my husband's hand and looking into his eyes and seeing his heart break and knowing he was watching mine do the same. Wishing I could turn back time.

Colleen-They called us after we were at the funeral home about tissue donation, but since there had to be an autopsy, it wasn't possible. I felt that might bring some comfort if it had been possible, and I hope it does for you. Happy birthday to Michelle. Isn't she going to nursing school, or am I confused? I don't think that's an either/or question, since I'm confused most of the time.

Betsy-I'm glad you had a good time at the flower show. Spring has disappeared here, but it supposed to make a reappearance soon. I hate this time change, though! I couldn't go to sleep last night and couldn't get up this morning. Maybe in a few days I'll be used to it.

Carol-Such sweet memories of the time when. Mike was such a precious baby with all that hair and his puppy.

Susannah-I'm glad you had a good day, we deserve one every now and then.

Dee-Hope you're feeling better.

Sharon and Diane-You are both in my thoughts every day as you trudge through this pain and grief. "First" anything is so hard, as hard as the firsts when they were born were joyful. First smile, first words, first steps, those were beautiful precious gifts. I hope you are both able to find your way through somehow. When the darkness gathers for me, it is almost impossible not to want to step into it, even run to it. Jump off the cliff into the abyss that calls with forgetfulness. Once I am there, I realize that I don't want to forget, not really. Giving up the pain that we are in now would mean giving up those first grins, first teeth, first day of schools, and that is something that I cannot do, won't do. This kind of grief and sorrow is the price we pay for loving them and being their Mom and no matter how much it hurts right now IT WAS WORTH IT. At least for me, and sometimes I forget, but then I remember his funny laugh and things he did and said. And I wish I could have had the good parts without the bad like most Moms get, but its a package deal. When I got Westley, I got it all, and you can't return part of it. Truth be told, you can't return any of it, but you know what I'm trying to say. Just hang in there, try to remember all the good days when you get so down. I'm trying not to sound too Polly-Annish, because I don't always practice what I preach. Hugs to you both and all new parents on here.

[shorty16]

Good Job Rhonda - Yes, Michelle is studying to be an Registered Nurse. She is in her 3rd year.

Thanks for remembering

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[crystalann]

I would love to watch the youtube video if anyone could tell me how please. I have looked but dont really know where to look. Thanks

[Guest msnher]

Crystal - Karen made the video. I failed to copy the second, more complete video she posted. Maybe she'll post it again for us???? I had to allow the popups so it would play. You could also find it if you want to go back through all the pages until you find the post from Karen with the updated video....not fun (for me). When you watch it, have lots of kleanex on hand.

[hotrod]

rystal Here is the link I use

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gI6Ituybyc&feature=player_embedded

It works

[crystalann]

Hmmm no link showed up

[Crystal16]

Sus- Your a love... I'm here sweety always reading everyone's post. It has been a busy past four days. I am dating a new gentleman his name is Scott, I enjoy his company. He makes me smile heck who am I fooling he makes me belly laugh....

Trial begins on Wednesday, 3/16 I am so ready for this process to begin. My anxiety has not hit overdrive yet I'm sure it has do with people praying over us or Ashlee spirit enveloping me with her love.

I wish I could hug each and everyone of you.. You are my extended family and have helped me in so many ways <HUGS>.

[zachysmom]

Hi all just wanted to stop by and see how everyone is doing, I see so many new faces here I wish I didn't have to see but you are all very welcome here Please come here anytime and never fear that you are to sad to be here you will find comfort and loving arms and words to keep you going through this hell we are all walking through. We all struggle every day to keep going we all at one time or another think about going to be with our child and other loved ones but we need to remember that that is not what our children would want they love us to much to want us to harm ourselves. I myself struggle with wanting to die but I keep reminding myself my angel wouldn't want me to join him in that way and he has put his trust in me to take care of his daddy and sissy. So when you are in your darkest time remember the light your child brought into your life and that light will surround you and keep you where your child wants you to be. Warm loving hugs to everyone who needs them.

Also everyone thank you for all the good thoughts and prayers for my father in law please keep them coming they are working. He just had a pet scan and the doctor told him 90% of his cancer is gone. The survival rate for the type of cancer he has is only like 5% looks like he may be part of that 5% so please keep the prayers and good thoughts coming and lets beat this evil demon.

Elisha is doing ok we may have found the right combination of medications for her.

[kmb22]

Edit

[charsng1234]

Morning Besty,Dianne, Susannah, Christy, Amy, Trudi, Carol, Chrystal, Rhonda, Kathy, Tylers mom, And Colleen. I hope I did not miss anyone, well i made it through My husbands birthday managed to sing and smile for a moment. My sister took a picture of us and told me I looked sad!! Of course I do my baby is not there with us!!! I woke this morning feeling sad, guilty and just like I walked into the gates of HELL!! I can barely breath today so missing Shane. the 15th is right around the corner again I hate that date!! I just feel like giving up I want my son home NOW!!! I would do anything to hear him talk to me or smell him.. Se him smile I just dont understand this crap at all?? Well I hope all here are doing better than me.. Sharon.. Shanes mom..

[crystalann]

I guess I wont get to see the video. I am useing a phone for internet it said not available on mobile version may be i will save the link and get to a real comp. THANKS

[kmb22]

I get so distracted when posting sometimes by the time I click post reply...there are a few more to read. Betty thanks for posting the link. That is the first one I did, I've since redone it to add a couple I missed and so I could clean up some of the pictures. Hopefully either the video or the link I've posted will work.

Betty - Thank you too for all of your sweet words, we certainly are part of a very special family here surrounded with God's best.

Beth - I love seeing Zachy's precious face. I'm so glad to hear your father in law is improving and Elisha is doing well.

Crystal - It's nice to hear you've found someone who helps you find some laughter. Holding you close as the trial date nears.

Colleen - Please send along my Happy Birthday wishes to Michelle.

Betsy - I'm glad you had a good time at the flower show. I'm sure the pictures will be beautiful.

Rhonda - Yes it certainly was worth it all; though I do still stand frozen trying to figure out that way to turn back time. I too have wished for an amnesia pill but then realized even the pain brought by the memories is better than having no memories at all. I guess we've all heard the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"...I never really got it 'til now.

He also said.... "A sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier times". Maybe someday I'll get that as well.

Crystal (Tylers Mom) - I'm sorry I didn't realize you were using your phone. Do you know what format of video's your phone does play? I have a program which converts videos between formats. I may be able to convert and email it. I haven't gotten into using the internet on my phone yet so I'm not completely sure how they all work.

Sharon - I wish I had words to comfort you; I know the pain and feeling that lack of air. I've always suffered from anxiety; it's intensified lately to a point I've actually caught myself holding my breath. I found at these times I need to remove myself from everything, and everyone, and focus on breathing in through the nose and out the mouth. Often I sit in the dark with candles lit while I do this; sometimes I just stare at the flame for what seems like hours. These are also the moments I spend private time with my son, reminding him how much I love him, telling him very much he is missed, and how sorry I am. I've also found if I close my eyes, and release the hold of the lack of faith the loss of my child has instilled, I can sometimes see the moment we'll be together again.

I suppose I should try to get something accomplished today. I've been watching the videos from Japan...it's so devastating and the threat of the plants looming. Thoughts, love, and prayers to all suffering such loss. So much devastation and loss in our world...honestly, it's quite petrifying.

[lolynbo]

LOVE LOVE LOVE THE VIDEO, IDK WHO MADE IT BUT THANK YOU....

TODAY KOURTNEY HAS BEEN GONE 1000 DAYS...IM NOT COUNTING I STUMBLED ON IT...AND IN THE BIBLE 1000 YEARS IS LIKE ONE DAY TO GOD, SO MAYBE GOD WANTED ME TO REALIZE SINCE SHES BEEN GONE 1000 DAYS ITS ONLY LIKE ONE DAY IN KOURTNEY AND GODS TIME...AND FOR ME TO HOLD ON , I WILL AND WOULD BE WITH HER AGIAN.....IDK...JUST WEIRD I CAME UPON IT AT 1000 DAYS...

COLD HERE AGAIN STILL NOT FEELING WELL...HOPE ALL YAL ARE DOING WELL..

[ericasmom]

Lorri, I agree, that seeing it is perhaps a message for your heart ...is a good thing.

[crystalann]

I think my phone plays mp4 video format not sure but thats what it says at the end of videos i havw taken

[kmb22]

Ok, I converted it to mp4 and uploaded it to Rapidshare which will allow you to download the video from there. This is the link you'll need:

http://rapidshare.co...digo_Angels.mp4

When the site first comes up it may ask if you want to create an account, just click no if it does. Scroll down a bit and on the right you'll see "Free Account"; at the bottom of that box click on "Slow Download". It's not really that slow they just make you wait a minute before the download link shows up (their way of enticing you to create a pro account). Once the clock ticks down to 0 the download link will show up, click on it, save it, and you should be all set. Again I'm not too knowledgeable about the phone programs but hopefully this will work. If not my only other option would be to compress it to either a zip file or an rar file then email it...but I'm not sure the phone has the capability of opening those types of files or not. It's too big to email without compressing it and I'm unaware of any other way...yet (I'm still learning).

Btw...this link will work for everyone; mp4 format can be played on the computer as well.

[mikesmum]

Karen - For Calligraphy we are asked to find a 'piece' to work on over the year. I have chosen Reflections of a Mother. It will take all of a year to complete, but it does give me a focus.

Colleen - OMG 21 and studying to become a nurse. She's come along way. I so remember our bus trip around MN. The snickers (I think) incident being bigger than Ben Hur...oh how we laughed, and yes it was okay to laugh. Had to think Brian was smiling at the whole thing. Please give her a hug from that lady downunder..

On that subject ~ I have been doing alot of study of late. The Central and Peripheral nervous systems were never something I enjoyed, but I had to laugh when reading over my notes.....Brain became brian in the midst of exhaustion. Ah the mind is a wonderful thing.

Sharon and Dianne ~ I know today will dawn and your entire being will scream I WANT MY SON BACK, I WANT HIM BACK NOW......I know because its how my day starts....except now its more "Hey Micheal Shane, miss you more than you'll know"...

From Rabbit Hole. Haven't seen it, but think I will. I guess so I can confirm what I already know...

“God had to take her. He needed another angel.”

“Why didn’t he just make one? Another angel? I mean, he’s God, after all. Why didn’t he just make another angel? Hm?”

Cruising through pics and there are many that I had forgotten..

Micheal Shane and a very young me back in 1976

Micheal Shane and a beautiful Harmony 2006

Hey Micheal Shane

[Guest msnher]

Lorri - If a thousand years is like a day to God, then perhaps a thousand days is like a minute? I agree with Dee. Kourtney letting you know you'll see her in a minute. Remember, "quit trying so hard". Just a reminder that she can see you even though you can't wee her.

Crystal (Aslhee's mom) - Thanks for answering my roll call.

Crystal (Tyler's mom) - The video is a picture of each of our angels to the music "How Can I breath without you" by Faith Hill (or LeAnn Rymes). It is beautifully done. It brought forth those big gutteral sobs. I tell you that so make sure you watch it in a place you feel safe exposing your deepest emotions.

Beth - Hello my friend! I so love seeing Little Zachy's face! He is the first child to introduce himself to me. What a precious, precious angel he is...waiting for his family to join him...in a minute. I'm glad Elisha is doing better and I am glad your father in law is doing better. You are a gift, Beth. An absolute gift!

My attention is glued to the catastophe in Japan, as well.

Susannah/.Stephanie's mom

[kmb22]

Trudi - Oh that will be so beautiful, and quite a project. I never realized the work and time involved in calligraphy. Great pictures too, I love the one of Micheal and Harmony, so precious...and that's a really neat building in the background.

Regarding Rabbit Hole, I would definitely recommend seeing it. I know some of you liked Hereafter too but I didn't care for it at all; I thought they could have done so much more with the storyline. I also just saw The Adjustment Bureau, which is also with Matt Damon, and thought it was great. In my opinion a much better movie than the former. The basic storyline is more of a love story but it also opens up more thoughts, and conversations, of the possibilities

Sus - I can't stop watching it either, my heart breaks for all of the families suffering so and for the fear they are facing with the nuclear plant. We're only about 30 miles from one and about 80 or so from another...I can't even imagine. I try not to get too caught up in the whole "Dec 2012" thing...but I have to admit the thoughts are getting more difficult to avoid. Oh and the song is "How do I live"...by Leanne Rimes.

I've made the offer before but I'll reiterate for those who may have missed it. If anyone would like me to make a video just let me know. I'd just need access to the pictures you'd like me to use and the name of the song you'd like and I can put it together.

[crystalann]

Thank you for the links still didnt work I figure I am ment to watch it with my husband. He has the right operating system for rapidshare he will be home day after tomorrow cant wait it gives me something to look forward to. I am worried about Diane Nathens mom I have been waiting to see something from her since her last sad post and nothing I hope you are ok Diane! THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE!!!!

[nicksdad]

Been putting it on the back burner for a long time but finally got around to re-doing Nicks website. It's Wordpress (easy to add things to it)..and I think it came out pretty nice. Now to get working on sites that people are waiting for...but priorities first..

Nicks Site

[ericasmom]

Colleen, I hope that right now your young Lady Michelle, is enjoying her family singing and wishing her well adn that she feel her Bro smiling on her like the sun and moon combined. How dear their love. Blessings to your Future Nurse. Eri wanted to be 21 from the time she was 12. What a cool age.

Karen you are too kind, but I am glad that you feel the love...huge love.

Dan, I will be watching your new work in a moment.

Trudi, love your photos, you as a young Mom to that charming young browneyed wonder. And then he, as a young Dad to that little Beauty that one day will seek you out, I just know. Love to you.

Sus, I am being very disciplined in not watching all of the happenings tin Japan because I get too low, too depressed and unable to see the light in the world. I know how I am drawn to the videos adn the replay, I just cannot do it to myself right now because I will be no good to my students or anyone else. I remember when I was about 13 and there awas a bad train crash near Chicago, one huge crash with many deaths and horrid injuries. Back then, around 1969, the looping of the scenes was rather new to us and my sister Mary anne and I just kept watching and crying and unable to sleep, since then, i have found it hard to turn my attentions away. I told my students the other day that if they see the images on the tv and if their parents let them, they could watch a bit but not to watch too much for it becomes the replay, the loop in your head and it can cause some very anxiety ridden days. I was so smashed to pieces by the replay that I could not tear myself from with 911 and with Columbine, two totally different tragedies but with equal weight on my soul...someone deliberately did this...so I must take in little bits right now or I will be wearing a helmut and gas mask...not a great look.

My heart is in constant prayer for those in fear, for those in grief, (the whole nation) and for those waiting for help. If we could, we would envelope them all and wrap warm soft blankets around them, help them sip hot broth and put a pillow under their heads for a long sleep.

Dear Lord and all of our Angels, please grab hold the hands of the newest angels coming to you enmass from Japan, and help them know that they have been received through love and peace. Help us to help those still here, in the very best ways we can, please direct our energies to the best use.

[daveydow1]

Diane---I'm so very sorry that you find yourself in such a black hole. As Dee suggested,....please try to get

some help. Sending fervent prayers, Indigo friend.

Colleen----Oh, I can see where the letter would stir up tears & emotions. Brian is surely looking down

and smiling on you. I think it is nice that you put Brians name, with wings on each side, when you sign

cards that you send. My son, Davey, did not have the donor designation on his driver's license, and the

medical people were not able to contact us since we were away, so David was not a donor. One ER

Dr. said that they may not have been able to harvest the vital ones due to massive blood loss and tissue

death, due to the amt. of time it took to extract him from his crushed car, and the time elapsed for the

MedEvac to take place. I agree.......our beloved children who passed were, and always will be part of

the family for us.

Betty-----Well......even though the weather is not what you would call nice here,.......there ARE some signs

of early spring. A bunch of purple crocuses came up outside the sunporch......so glad to see them. Also,

the tulip leaves are appearing out front.....(so I guess the deer will appear too... they ate a lot of them last

year). Red-winged blackbirds are back, along with robins. Saw our squirrel poking around the other day.

So......must keep looking for those signs. Glad that you are seeing quite a few of them too.

Christy---Clintonsmom-----I'm sorry that you also lost your dear mom. Yes, ....those 'firsts' can be so painful.

Thoughts & prayers dear friend.

Amy-----You mentioned about wearing Ashley's necklace, and I know what you mean about being afraid that

you might lose it. Maybe you can just check the chain (if it has one) now & then to make sure that all the

'connections' are secure. I have lost jewelry in the past, and it seems like if you lose something......that it will

be something that you valued more,sentimentally.......rather than just a piece of inexpensive fashion jewelry, or a piece

that holds no particular value to you.......seems that way. I can imagine how much Ashley's necklace means

to you. Peace to you, friend.

Dee-----I don't know if I knew that your sweet ERi's organs were donated. Knowing that someone else lives

with those organs would give a special kind of comfort. As I said......David was not an organ donor.....not on

his driver's license, and no one to contact for any kind of directive on the matter. Probably wouldn't have

worked out, as he died in surgery. Thanks for the words to the song....Remembering.

Carol-----Hope you are feeling much better.

Peace to all INDIGOS.......especially all those who are so new on this rough road.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, signs fo spring here too, buds on all fo the trees all of a sudden, and many birds, robins that never left this winter are now very vocal, so that is the song of the deepest beauty to me. Tiny daffodil leaves are sprouting as are th eearly iris leaves. It is really going to be spring. Eri's organs could not be donated due to oxygen loss after we had the life giving machines pulled away, but her valves, most of her bone, and her joints, her eyes...all went into many folks. One man was in his 70's and he received one of her knees, she had big knees, and another knee went to a young man, in his 20's. Her corneas went to two different folks, giving sight to two people the day after she died. Her heart valves, her hips were used, and bone that was used in many operations including for new babies with spinal issues.

Makes my heart smile.

Dan, the site looks beautiful, I do so love that song that plays. What a good man that Nick is, he makes me smile, thanks for sharing.

Today was world PI day, you know 3.14 so I bought some unhealthy little pies and we measured them, diameter, and then multiplied that by 3 for the circumference. We figured out the radius by taking the diameter and dividing by 2. Fun lesson. Happy Pi Day on 3-14.

[aim630]

Dan-Nick's memorial website is really nice. Such a good looking young man who had such a talent with cars. Thanks for always making special pictures of our angels on their special dates.

Karen-Thank you for the video again. I sob every time I watch it, especially when I see sweet little Zachy at the end. I know it had to be difficult for you to put that together, but thanks for taking the time. Crystal-(Tyler's mom) it will be worth the wait when you finally get to see it.

Crystal (Ashlee's mom)-I'm glad you found someone you can laugh with. I'll be thinking of you as the trial starts later this week.

Beth-I am glad you checked in with us, and that your father-in-law & Elisha are doing better. We will continue to pray for them.

Trudi-I enjoyed seeing the pictures of you and Micheal & Harmony & Micheal 30 years later. Harmony truly is a beautiful little girl. Good luck with the studies, The hardest thing I ever did in high school was learn 100 different parts of the body for Biology 2. My neighbor drilled me on the terms the night before & I managed to get an A on the test (and promptly forgot it all shortly afterwards). We had to dissect a fetal pig, it was so gross. Science was never my thing.

Colleen-Hope Michelle has a good birthday today. I know she misses Brian, but hope she feels his presence as she celebrates her 21st birthday. So many people were helped by Brian being a donor. I know that has to be bittersweet, but I'm sure those people are very grateful for the chance to have a better quality of life. They never asked us about Ashley being a donor. I don't know what was on her driver's license. I guess since she had been sick for 3 months, maybe they could not use any of her organs.

Sherry-I wore the necklace today. I checked it several times to make sure the charms were still there! Katie wears hers every day, so I think I will try to wear mine too.

Dee, Betty, Betsy, Susannah, Rhonda, Lorri, everyone else. Thinking of you all. Don't know how I would get through the days without checking in here. You really do feel like family.

Sharon & Diane, Please hang in there, I know it is horrible right now & you don't feel like going on. Believe us when we say you can get through this. I know you don't want to right now, but there does come a day when you will laugh again, & hopefully not feel guilty about it. The thing that helped me the most was thinking how Ashley would want to see me. She would not want to see me in such pain all the time. So when I did laugh, I tried to think of that so I would not feel guilty. I still cry often, but not constantly. Some days are worse than others.

Love to all,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Beth: So good to hear from you, and to see sweet little Zachy's face...the feeling of a warm hug eminating from him... Beth, I couldn't help but notice the depth of your post...

"Please come here anytime and never fear that you are to sad to be here you will find comfort and loving arms and words to keep you going through this hell we are all walking through. We all struggle every day to keep going we all at one time or another think about going to be with our child and other loved ones but we need to remember that that is not what our children would want they love us to much to want us to harm ourselves. I myself struggle with wanting to die but I keep reminding myself my angel wouldn't want me to join him in that way and he has put his trust in me to take care of his daddy and sissy. So when you are in your darkest time remember the light your child brought into your life and that light will surround you and keep you where your child wants you to be. Warm loving hugs to everyone who needs them. " I remember when you first posted...you could barely be here, you were in such pain, such awful pain...we here all recognized that pain, and asked you to please come back and hold on to all of us...if I remember correctly, at one point you didn't know if you would be back, but encouraged by those here before you, you did, and you found comfort, understanding---the same comfort and understanding that you so bravely now have stepped in and offered to those now new to BI... A comfort and sense of understanding that I wish never had to exist, but knowing that it is needed, we also know that here is the place you will find it. Your words are so very heartfelt and offer such insight and wisdom...you truly are a gift, Beth, you truly are.. Zachy is so very, very proud of you!

Prayers for your FIL, and for Elisha to continue doing well, as well...and for you, of course.

Dan: I will view your new site later this evening, when quiet descends and I am alone... Thank you for all you do.

To all of the beautiful Indigos...I thank God for all of you, for your hearts, so big and encompassing, so giving. I pray a good night for all, some dreams that comfort and warm your soul... Such sadness from Japan, and prayers going out for those people, as well...that they may find what they need in the generosity of others. May all of the little white souls who left this earth so suddenly find the sweetest of love and joy and peace.

love and peace...

[aim630]

Carol-I forgot to say earlier that I'm glad you're feeling better. The picture of Mike was adorable, and I loved the story "Mommy, is this spwing?"

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Crystal, prayers to you and your family during the trial. May you feel our love and the strength of your Girl.

Beth, how lovely to see your Little Man smiling out. I agree with everything that Carol said, seeing you here and reading your words I found myself recalling when you first came, how moment to moment you felt your life. I am so happy to see that you are pulling the next person new to this sadness up the steep hill of the first months. It is a surprise sometimes to realize how far you have come when you are able to put into words exactly what is needed at this fragile time. I think that Zachy must be smiling at the ways his Momma has shined his light.

Amy, remembering how your Girl would want to see you is a good way to remember that smiling or laughing are not to feel guilty for, instead, your Angel grins right alongside of you.

Goodnight all, with hope for some peaceful sleep and maybe a good dream or visit.

Peace,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Diane: Before I sign off for the night, just wanted you to know that I pray you are safe, that you have sought help, that you have not done anything to hurt yourself. Your pain is palpable, felt by all here...we are reaching out, holding on to you...please, if you still feel the need to "be done," get help...tell your husband, anyone who might be near you. Let us know, please, that you are okay, which I hope you are. Sending love to you, strength through these words, holding you close.

love and peace,

carol

[mysonrich]

I hope to have some pictures today of the flower show.

Sherry, there are a small cluster of crocuses here. We'll see if they make it through this short cold spell.

Dan, very nice website for Nick. No sound here but hey, it may be me. Ha haMy brother called last night. Where to start? Talking hospice. Was that premature? Talking about the cancer through-out the lungs. Why didn't the primary tell them? Laura had fluid removed from around her lungs after a trip to the ER. Pic line, stint,to invasive? Robert is beside himself.

SO I keep my mind busy...thinking of summer and the shore but wait, I never did get my mom there one last time. I keep in mind that she would want me/us to continue to enjoy life when we can.I have Richie’s wristwatch. A graduation gift. It will probably always stay in the box it came in.

I'll catch up later. You are all,always in my thoughts and prayers.And Dee, Like 9/11, I had to stop watching the news. Japan , the destruction, great loss of life, that also has to be turned from at times. My aunt , she is 84, believes that the end is near. I hope not. I told her she'll be around in the summer for the shore.

Carol, good to see Mikes handsome face.

Ok, enough.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Dear Dee My goodness I almost understood your lesson!!!

"I bought some unhealthy little pies and we measured them, diameter, and then multiplied that by 3 for the circumference. We figured out the radius by taking the diameter and dividing by 2. Fun lesson. Happy Pi Day on 3-14." You must note I said almost . You certainly make learning for your little ones fun!!

Beth What a treat to sign on and see Zachy's precious little face. So glad that FIL and Elisha are having a positive result from treatment Will keep up my prayers. I do hope you are holding up as well and have recovered from your surgery Thanks for the update.

Amy I agree your reminding yourself that Ashley would not want you to be unhappy and smiling for her is so very powerful

Rhonda You touched my heart and soul with your visit to Westley and your thoughts by his grave site . I agree with your reflections and the conclusions -the joy of knowing our angels and the power of the re memories with the sadness and the joy :

THEY WERE WORTH IT .

this quote from William Wordsworth at the death of his son captures all I feel:

“[b] I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable; and he is taken from me—yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it.”

Carol I agree reading how Beth encourage our new Indigo members was so empowering It truly reinforced the power of this Board Loved your picture of Little Mike and his "Sprung story" What a treasure these memories are

Karen how thoughtful of you to reformat the Indigo Angel Video Your attitude and caring ways are what makes this Indigo Family so very special to me. Your offer to do the video for us is also a true gift You are very talented.

Dan How wonderful is the new formatted site for Nick The Music, Pictures and Content are wonderful . Nick was quite a young man I know he and Stephen would have been friends.

Trudi I loved the picture of Little Mike and then Mike as a loving Dad. I like your choice of subject for your yearly project You will do well Your Brian works fine

Crystal It is nice that you are looking forward to the video with your husband It did help me to somehow put all my pain and energy into something for Stephen's memory . I spent hours and hours setting up his site , selecting pictures, music etc and it was great for easing my heart pain.

Sherry and Betsy I too am watching the flowers and feeling spring right around the corner.

Prayers for all the people in Japan and all Indigos

[ericasmom]

Betty, purchase a little unhealthy pie and get a ruler, I think you will enjoy the lesson especially the eating part. Love to you.

Betsy, prayers continue for your Brother's wife, for your Brother in his anguish, oh my goodness, the ache in the hearts of you all, and prayers of course, for you as you prepare for this sad time. Go talk to the flowers and the sky and the warmer breezes that affirm once again that the cycle of life, the circle of time is something we can believe in.

[shorty16]

Dee – Thank you so much for sharing Eri’s tissue donations with us. I am still amazed at the amount of people both our kids helped. I think it was because our kids were young and healthy. We too could not donate vital organs, because Brian died at the scene.

Diane – (Nathan’s Mom) We are thinking of you. We have all been where you are right now. Come let us know you are OK – We care.

Betty – You sound like an Astro-Physicist with your Pi measuring. I am glad it worked for you and that you had fun and learned something at the same time. How is the weather in the East? We still have snow on the ground. Drifts and snow-plow piles are still a couple feet high in some areas – When will it end???? Betty – did you post the quote from William Wordsworth? I really love that quote and OH how true it is. Would we have out kids again if we knew they would died at the same time and in the same way – HECK YES.

Beth – So good to see the Little-Man Zack. I think of you often and how you are doing with your husband and daughter. Love our chats, hope we can do more of them???

Amy – Ashley is sure a beautiful young woman and Brian was the life of the party – so the two of them are together talking about us!!!! I sure hope so. Take care my friend

Trudi – Yes, the infamous Snickers incident. Never to be forgotten. Michelle is a one-of-a-kind. I think about our MN trip often and our day touring Minneapolis. I felt so calm with you, We really had a great time. I often tell people how I locked myself out of the hotel room at our first meeting. I learned my lesson on that one!!! You are a special-one Trudi.

Dan – Loved Johnny’s tribute with the Eagle. You are such an artist. I will visit Nick’s website and I am sure I will be amazed at your skill and the love you put into every quote and photo.

Karen – (Shawn’s Mom) LOVE the Indigo Angel Video, but WOW does it make me sad. I know the pain I feel with Brian’s death and I look at all those faces and imagine mountains of it. But, we have each other. We have the knowledge that there are parents who actually survived the death of their child and are productive citizens. I would not be where I am now with my grief if it was not for this group of parents.

Sus – What up Grandma???? I mean that in a good way – My Grandma was the smartest, nicest person in the world. How is the weather? I keep asking about the weather, because I am so sick of snow…cold….wind… I do realize the area of the country I choose to live in puts me right in the middle of the SNOW BELT, but WHATEVER – I need sun. Can you tell I am going stir-crazy!!!!

Crystal – Tyler’s Mom – How kind of you to think of Diane when you, yourself are suffering so. This grief journey is life-long. In the beginning the journey molds us, but after a while, we can start to mold the journey. We become strong and more able to control our environment. We learn our triggers. I know you will survive, just like the rest of us. We have much to learn from one another. Glad you found us.

Crystal - Ashlee’s Mom Thinking of you, my friend. Hoping things are going OK with you, as OK as they can be. I hope I got this right – the continued court hearings are big sources of stress. I am sending you love in getting through them.

Sherry (Davey, Lisa) – Thanks for the B-day with to Michelle. For our family, getting our kids to legal age is a big thing. I know in my heart that Scott and I are not failures as parents, but we cannot help but feel like that when our son died at 16 from a completely preventable teenage stunt. Michelle’s birthday was really a nice event for all of us.

Betsy – So your 84 year old Aunt thinks the world is coming to an end. I thought the world already came to an end on 6-19-2008, but I guess I was wrong. Hope she is too HAHA. Have a nice day, my friend

Carol – So glad you are feeling better and able to post your sweet words of love and encouragement to us. How’s Ralph? Good, I hope? Keep showing us those hearts you find. I still cannot believe I found a white heart in a sea of white sand. Mike guided me to that, I know it.

Rhonda – It is really something seeing you encourage others on this site. You have come a long way in a year. I hope you see that. Sometimes we are too close to the situation to see how we have improved. My co-workers tell me quite often how I have improved. They do not see me at home or in the car, but I am glad they see that a parent can survive the loss of a child – when they have friends to help!!!

Greg – Working hard on the Angel Images? What a special idea you had and that your sweet boy helped develop in you. A father’s love is truly something special.

Christy – Clinton’s Mom – Send warm wishes of a peaceful day to you, my friend. How old was Clinton? He looks to be about the same age if not a year or two older than Brian (16). Any age is tough to lose a child. Thinking of you my friend.

Lorri – I showed my friend the Kourtney’s Kloset plaque with some angels names on it. My daughter was there and she is still so thrilled that Brian’s name is in OK. We have never been there, but my angel is now. Thanks for that.

Indigos – Last night seemed very special to me; our daughter’s 21st birthday. With Brian – that date will never come. Scott and I were so happy to be able to spend this time with our daughter, knowing that it can all be taken away in an instant.

I really thought that all big events in our lives after Brian’s death would be marred with sadness. Yes, we were sad, but the elation we had seeing our daughter reach the age of adulthood was even sweeter and more beautiful than I thought it would be. I do not know how to explain it. I think I had a glimpse into what happiness may feel like after many more years into this grief journey – and it is nice.

Love to:

Michelle, Lynn, Lisa, Marcia, Leah, Claudia, Elaine, Kathy, Bonnie, Sonya, Jenn, I tried to remember all, sorry if I left anyone out.

Colleen, Brian’s Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Good morning, Indigo's!

Diane I, too, am worried about you. Please let us know you are still alive (on this side). I hope I didn't make you more upset by seeming light about suicide. I take it very seriously. As does everyone; especially those whose lives have been altered by suicide. Maybe you're not even suicidal. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing. I hope so. I know what it's like to be suicidal. I know what it's like to try. I know what it's like to be disappointed it didn't work. And, I know what it's like to find out (later) I'm glad it didn't work. Please keep talking to us.

Colleen - Wus up? We are good. The weather has been warmer which is wonderful.

Today I meet with the school psychiatrist to discuss Mariah's testing. Tomorrow we have the IEP meeting to find out if she qualifies.

My laptop charger died and so I am using the bigger, family computer. I don't like it. I will try to check back with y'all later.

Love, Susannah.

[charsng1234]

Today is the 2 month mark did not go to work cant get out of bed. My heart hurts so bad all I know is I want my son back!! I read all the posts today thanks for everyone being here. Well back to my bed.. Sharon shanes mom....

[ModKonnie]

Diane,

We are concerned about you. We truly care and are here for you. Please let us know how you are doing. I wanted to let you know that we also have a live chat available if you'd like to talk more "in person."

ModKonnie

[crystalann]

Morning all!It was a strange day already.The girls (Chelsea my youngest and Lucy) are both sick.So just me and Justin (my youngest son) He went out to get his Ipod to charge it he started yelling mama come see the sunrise we both stared at it never saw a sunrise like that here before only the sunset looks like that we both said.We came back inside.Again mama! He had a wierd look on his face.He had plug in his Ipod and a song was already playing 50 secs in.The song was Dear Mama. We both just looked at each other.We were both thinking of Tyler.This iss the second thing to come out of the sky. Driveing home with Chelsea from seeing my husband a rainbow showed up in a cloud we had been looking at.I would love to think these are from Tyler.I think I do. Sometimes I just dont know. He always said if something happened to him he would really mess with us if he could.I LOVE YOU TYLER!!!!

[crystalann]

I dont think the sunrise came up here it is