Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

WANTED TO SHARE A CARLEY MOMENT (BRENTS WIFE, KOURTNEYS HUSBAND)..(WEIRD)...I TOLD HER MONTY FIGURED OUT HOW AND WHAT WE ARE TO BRENT NOW..."WE ARE LEFTOVERS".....SHE TEXT ME BACK "DONT SAY THAT , THAT MADE ME CRY, I DONT LIKE THAT AND DONT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN, I LOVE YOU WE LOVE YOU, AND YOU ARE PRACTICALLY ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS I CAN TALK TO"....

WOW WHAT AN ANGEL...SUCH A DIFF FROM SATANS DAUGHTER..(EVEIL COURTENY HE DATED AFTER MY BABY DIED)..

IM SO BLESSED TO HAVE HER IN MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER I SURE WISHED IT WAS DIFF....SHE  SAID "ANY MOTHER WOULD"...

I WILL SHARE MY MOZAIC (SP) WHEN I CAN WE ALL DID IT AS A FAMILY...I CANT GET IN MY BACKYARD RIGHT NOW KIMBERLYS SLOBBERIN ST BERNARD IS BACK THERE...YUK...

OH AND KOURTNEY SUE IS DOING GREAT I NEED TO POST PICS SHE IS 5 MO TOM...

[zachysmom]

I have not been here for a bit just wanted to give you an update. Elisha is a lot better. She had her first counseling appt on Thursday. Hubby is hubby. I am drowning and no one sees it. The walls I built to save myself are now destroying me. Can't let them down for the flood will be destructive as well. Oh well I will keep going physically mentally I died that night and will never recover. One day my physical body will die as well.

[lolynbo]

IM SORRY ZACHYS MOM...I FEEL THAT WASY ALOT TOO...BUT WE GOTTA KEEP GOING...IDK FOR WHAT BUT WE DO...PRAYERS FOR YOU..

[ericasmom]

Beth, I imagine you feel you are drowning in sorrow, in lonliness, adn I am so sorry. I do only promise things that I feel are real and true, so I promise you that you will not always feel this sad, this much despair. Many marriages suffer mightily after the death of a Child, Lord knows marriage is hard already and may have had issues before the loss, so please know that your life will have a rhyme and reason again. You and your Husband my need to find ways to figure your relationship out, and if he cannot, then you go ahead and get the help you need to live your best life with your Daughter. Holding you close today and each.

dee

[mpsmom]

Dee, Thinking of you alot the past few days, I am sorry I missed Jon and Eri's Dad's angel date, I had it marked on my calendar and then didnt check it:( .  If I am not able to sign on to BI tommorrow I want you to know I will be watching for the pink morning skies over the lake and imagining your sweet Erica dancing in the clouds, so pretty, so happy and so perfect. 

Big Warm Hugs for you tommorrow my friend -- your words have picked me up so many times, I wish for you a peaceful day tommorrow.

Love, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[debbief]

Hello to everyone it has been so lovely to receive such supportive messages and from reading all your messages to each other it is clear that we all belong to this special but horrible club!

My Sammy was a very sporty person, he loved his Cricket and Football, supported Manchester United BUT he also liked his friends.  I didn't realise he had so many until the day of his funeral, the Church was bursting, I was told around 400 people attended, comforting but also daunting and just wanted to be alone with him without everyone watching, he is my boy and I needed my space with him on that day.  My sister took me back to see him when everyone was leaving, we had our bit of time together horrible as it was.

He was blonde and a good looking boy, so many people told me that and he just loved life and his friends, I also found out how caring he was towards his friends, would lend them his clothes if they didn't have anything to go out in, I knew he leant his bike, CD's, DVD's and sometimes his computer for games, which I used to get cross with, but that is my Sam and his friends loved him too! especially the women!

Hi sister (Lucy) is 23 this year and they were close, getting closer all the time, she has a little girl who is 19 months and is just adorable we all love her so much, probably over compensating for Sammy not being here, we keep him very much alive and she knows exactly who is he is, always kissing my locket I now wear every day with my two children.

I am at the stage now of feeling guilty if I feel calmer and some days almost normal but then the thoughts creep in and the dark cloud comes again, I don't want to stop hurting for Sam I don't want to not feel him near me, I am so scared of not being able to remember how it feels to have him near and close by, what does it feel like 2yrs, 5yrs, 10yrs down the road, God willing I won't live too long, just want to make sure my Lucy is happy and settled first. Why do we have to loose our babies this way? Why did my Sam have to go so young? do we ever get answers?

I have been going to see Mediums, I believe in the after life and always have, they have given me so much evidence of his existance still, the information has to come from him! You are all so lovely I hope I can get some strength from you too.

I live in Wiltshire in the UK a little village not far from Bath. Have moved back to the village that I lived in with the kids before I re-married and Sam is buried here, so am able to still take care of him.

HAPPY EASTER TO YOU ALL X

[Guest]

Beth - I am so sorry for the place you find yourself in.  A short while back a little three yr old in my town got ahold of a gun.  His mother, who was six month's pregnant, started to go into labor.  They couldn't get her to go to the hospital because she didn't want to leave her son.  It took them hours before she would allow them to remove his body from her house.  I haven't heard to know if she ever went to the hospital or not to stop labor.  I wonder......Beth, what would you say to her? 

Debbie - Thank you for sharing Sammy with us and also your daughter.  I love reading about our angels and the people who love them.  I know from my own experience, now, that there are better days.  I also know the hard days come without notice.  Thank God for the people on this forum!!!

Wishing you all love and peace!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Hi Debbie  I am so glad to read more about your wonderful handsome son, Sammy.  He certainly sounds as if he loved life and his friends.  It is interesting how very generous he was .  Lending his CD, DVD, Bike"s Clothes to his friends as did my  son Stephen .  Many times the items were not returned but I was so very proud of his generous spirit that I did not make much fuss about replacing them.  We know how you miss his energy and warm lovely spirit and each of us wonder how you can get thru the next years  

 I have found I have only been able to do it, like you are doing it now  One day at a Time. Coming here and sharing really helps.  Please keep sharing the journey with us.

Beth Happy to see my precious little Zachy today.  Glad your daughter is doing a bit better and am so sorry for your pain. I know about those walls that end up walling you inside with the pain and sadness.  Please come here, no masks required and let us in. The walls will slowly come down and you will begin to feel you are not alone and are heard.  It is very important.

To all Indigos  I do hope you have a Warm Easter

Betty Stephen'smom:)

[Guest]

Beth - Rather, what advice would you give me to say to her? 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[zachysmom]

I would say nothing for there is nothing that will make her feel better. All I would do is hold her so that she didn't have to be strong and put up a front.

I know this is from a song that is not really appropiate but this part fits all our agony so well. "You say it best when you say nothing at all." I know when we are talking online we have to use words but when we are close enough to a person we need to reach out to them.

In the jewish faith when a persons family member dies they don't leave their house for 7 days. The community comes to them bringing them everything they need including food. If only for a little while sit with them you don't need to talk or entertain or make them feel better just be there.

[mikesmum]

Dee - Look for that pink blaze across the evening sky....she's there, your tink, your Eri......

So much to so many now and ever...

[mikesmum]

Beth - So great to see Zachy's little face this Easter morning.  You are right, there is much conveyed without words......holding tight is sometimes the best thing.

Debbie - After leaving London our first stop was Bath.  We stayed at Apsley House. The surrounding area so beautiful.   I'm glad you are still able to 'care' for Sam.  I'm glad you shared some of his story here.  Manchester United fan.....decicated soccer fans!

Colleen - I did a very very small mosiac plaque earlier in my first years without Mike.  The best part for me was smashing up the ceramic tiles.....therapy, tears.   I wish  you well with the task.

Its 3yrs today since I stumbled into this site.  My sleeping is still irradic, but then so is my life.  Life has literally rushed by.  My son and daughter have completed their chosen professional studies.  Now a plumber and a nurse.  My grandies have grown in a blink of an eye.  Em just 7 when Mike died is now in her last year of primary school maturing into a young high schooler.  Baby Jeya is a fiercely  independant 3 yr old.

Here I have been able to find wisdom, friendship and understanding.  That in turn has given me back to my family from the abyss I once lived in each minute of each day.....The softness I was promised is here, the pain and ache easier - the memories of my son still new............Thanks.  Happy Easter Indigoes...

[summergirl]

Debbie - thank you for sharing so much more of your Sam, what a wonderful young man he is, what a blessing to be his mom, he your son.  I love that he was such a generous person with his friends and all he knew. My Jessica was like that also, many things in common we have here at BI....our Angels have brought us together.

Beth..I was so saddened by your words "One day my pyhsical body will die as well"  ...I know how horrible this path is, I cannot say that I know your exact pain as we have all lost our child in a different way...the one constant is that we have all lost a child. I do not want you to feel like leaving this earth, you have a life to live for yourself, Zack, Elisha and hopefully your husband also...the pain is so overwhelming and so diffacult to endure but you must go on, you will find your way to a "new normal" although that is hard to believe right now.   I know that I did not want to live either, I just wanted to go lie with my Jessica and never leave her....here I am just past 4 years and I am living, laughing, breathing and yes I also am crying, the pain is still intense but my desire to live life for my Jessica has brought me to a place of quiet exceptance, my 26 years with her a blessing I was given, her death a pain that cannot be put away, days of tears, days of silence but many more days of knowing that I will not let her die, I will keep her alive by saying her name and by being here to help others know that yes, it will become softer....I hope I have not offened you I just want you to know that time is the only thing that will bring you to where alot of us are. Bless you and breathe, let the walls down here...we can hold you up.

Betty - yes the warmth and caring extended here to each other is a miracle in my heart....the love we share, the stories of our lives....and all the small little creatures that join us on our journey here......

Marcia - was so wonderful to see Bethany's smiling face....

Susannah - love the pic of Jasmine and the Easter Bunny....what a smile.  I am not a shoe person really...I just love sandals, would wear them year round if I could.

Lorrie - Carley sounds like aa amazing woman and I am glad that you two are close.

Trudi - 3 years today since you came here, seems like a life time doesn't it and then again seems like today.  Where would we be without you my friend, although I wish you did not have to be here I for one am blessed that you  were guided here.

Dee - I never had my nails done either until my Jessica decided I needed to try it one day, that was 8 years ago and I have been doing them ever since...I too have weak thin nails so the acrylic is a good thing for me and it is my one thing I do for myself, I continue my every other week trip with my Jessica.   I have small feet, size 6 and tiny toes.....look like a kids feet...  Tavian will be past me soon!! I only do pedicures in the summer as I love to wear sandals and barefoot at the beach...   I am sure your feet are not as bad as you think...but I must say walking on the sidewalk like that would not be something I could have done....OUCH.  I am thinking of you and your Eri, I will see a pink sky tomorrow....I know I will.

Much done today....finished the waterfall, moved plants, put down some mulch. Barry finished the new water system for the pond, enclosed it and bought some ivy to place on the inside and it cascades down the sides....Beautiful and not finished yet. We were outside from 10 untill about 5....it was sunny, in the low 70's and the best part of the day was when Barry said "Kath come here and see this", I walked over and there was the most beautiful butterfly on the side of the house....it was a deep brown with blue spots on it's wings....it stayed for a while, Barry took a pic, I will post.   My Jessica coming to say hello - a smile and a tear.

To all Indigo's - have a nice Easter, count your Blessings, breathe and just do whatever you can.   Wish me luck as I endure an afternoon at mother-in-law's - yikes.        Sweet dreams my friends. Kathy

[4everjoeysmom]

Dee, I totally echo Marcia's sentiments. Thinking of pink skies, Eri, and you... xoxoxo

Debbie--Sam's mom, The guilt of finding more peaceful moments and the fear of not forgetting are natural progressions in grief. We feel that if we stop feeling badly, we are not honoring our child, or if we stop feeling a certain way, we will lose touch with them and our memories. I can't speak for everyone here, but I certainly had a tough time moving through that. I am grateful I finally did, though. I found that when I let go of my angst and allowed myself those more peaceful moments, smaller, even deeper stored memories began to surface...happier memories, scents and visions with eyes open came as easy as when I closed my eyes, etc. My heart has found some healing, and it continues to grow, as I continue to realize that my connection with Joey will never be lost. LOVE is forever...and stronger than the umbilical cord. I am at 3-2/3 years. Everyone grieves and heals at various rates. I guess my main point is that everything you feel is not unique. We've all been there. We're all moving through the grief stages, and we're all finding our way in life. It doesn't always feel good. But I think through time, many of us can say that surviving isn't as ugly and painful as it used to be. The support found here is so very helpful through the roughest of time, and even through some of the better ones. It lets us know we are not journeying alone and that people do care and understand. HUGS!!! ~Claudia (4EverJoeysMom)

[Guest]

Beth - Your generousity brought tears to my eyes...and, I don't cry easily.  I will pass on your information which you sent via PM. 

I don't know if this is true or not, but in the movies.....people wore black for a year or more so people would know they were in mourning. 

Love,  Susannah

[Guest]

Beautiful skies, Trudi!  Magical honor of Erica!  It must already be the 4th in Australia. 

Thinking of you, Dee....as you approach Eri's wonderful birth!

 

Summer 2009 back row L-R Amanda and Stephanie  Front row: Curtis and Jennifer.

Curtis looks wasted, but he isn't...not even a drop.  Our last time with all of us together.  We spent the day riding four wheelers and bar b qued. 

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah:  I know that in the part of Italy where we lived for two years (the south east coastal area), women wore black a lot, but black was the only thing worn that first year.  Years ago, people of the immediate family of someone who passed wore black arm bands for that first year, at least the men did.  I think women wore black whenever they went out.  When Mike passed, I wanted to wear a black arm band, I wanted people to know, I wanted to scream from the rooftop "MY SON IS GONE...WHY ARE YOU ALL STILL RUNNING AROUND AS IF EVERYTHING IS NORMAL???!!!   Instead, I wore small black wrist band, similar to those worn for cancer support, etc., and on the band was "In Mourning."  I wore it for one year.  I also wore a black enamel pin that was like the pink breast cancer pin...I still wear it on my coat.  Only one person ever asked me about it, and halfway through her question, she caught her breath and instantly said "Oh, I am so sorry...you've lost someone, haven't you..."   We talked for a few minutes and I thanked her for reaching out. 

It is so great what you've done for the kids for Easter...I know they will have a wonderful day tomorrow when they wear all their new things and celebrate Easter with you both.  I can feel their excitement...the pic of Jasmine was just great---what a special day for her. 

Trudi:  Three years?  Can't be, and yet...  Yes,  your wisdom and kindesses have enrich all of us...the sharing of your Micheal has been a gift to each of us, as well.  I hope you are having a happy Easter Sunday...are the kids over today or was the overnighter their Easter visit?

Kathy:  your words to Beth were so kind and understanding...Beth, I too say to let your walls down here, let us help you if you are ready.  And, yes, it takes time...different time for everyone.  Your little Zachy is counting on you to be there for his precious sister, Elisha.  He is proud of how you are helping her. 

Debbie:  thank you for sharing more of your sweet Sammy...the days are a roller coaster, and coming here gives us the stamina to ride it up and down, wherever it takes us---we are not in control.  Everyone here shares words of wisdom, kindness and comfort...it is a good place to be when you want to share something about your Sammy...or when you just need to connect...we are always ready to listen.

Colleen:  I like the idea of your mosaic table...sounds like a fun and eco-friendly thing to do. 

Dee:  the promise that the pink sky held tonight carries the spirit of your sweet Eri as she surrounds you with her love and sweetest of memories.  Holding you close and sending thoughts your way...

Betty:  your words are so comforting, and it is so good to see your Stephen's handsome face every day...

Betsy:  Your link to "The Rose" brought back memories...Mike's confirmation class sang a song at their service, and it was "The Rose."  I thought it an odd selection (had never really listened to it prior to that), but when I heard the words and heard them singing it, the promises were there...the seed of love, their love, going out into the world, newly committed to their faith and their beliefs.

Lorri:  Carley is a blessing to you, I am so glad you have her in your life. 

We didn't hear anything from the doctor yesterday, so one prayer was answered...I was praying that we wouldn't hear anything until after the weekend...just trying to live these hours as normal as possible, taking in the joys of the day...today the boys came and they did wind up going to the movies by themselves...Ralph wasn't feeling very well, and it is a long walk from the door of the theater to the seating area.  The boys were excited about going by themselves.   Chandler thinks I am "such a worrier" when I say I don't like them going by themselves...of course, he is 2 months from 14, and this winter has seen him sprout what seems like at least 10 inches taller, and last week his voice changed!  Just like that!  They said the movie was a "4 4/5ths" out of a "5"...something exactly like what their dad would have said...  And we did take them out to supper, so that was nice.  Chandler did something that would make his dad proud, as it did us...He didn't have any money today, and he knew Kam was coming with $20, so we gave Chandler the $25 for the movie admission for both of them, and $20 for himself, so that both of them would have money for soda and popcorn and some left over.  Then when Ralph and Chan went to pick up Kam, Kam said "I only have $10, not $20, and Chandler said, that's okay, I'll give you $5 of mine, and we will each have $15.   Sweet kid. 

Tomorrow Jamie comes with his mom, and Mike's friend Denis is coming for dinner, also, before we go to the game...yes, I have decided to go...trying to keep the weekend as normal as possible. 

I wish everyone the blessings of Easter, and as Trudi said, if you aren't inclined towards that, then I hope the Easter bunny visits you and leaves something sweet.

love and peace to all of my wonderful Indigo friends. 

Carol  mikesmomrs

Mike sure didn't like this bunny---I can't say I blame him...that's a pretty scary bunny!

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah:  Love the picture...memories of fun together...glad you shared it.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[Guest]

Betsy - Gary uploaded "The Rose" for me, so it now plays as Stephanie's background music to her memorial site.  I also added several more pictures.  It feels good to do that. 

I wasn't able to work on a memorial for her until January.  Then, I couldn't do much.  Small steps. 

This morning a woman who was once my very best friend died to alcoholism.  There was a time she and I were inseparable.  She went back to drinking.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I helped her with two divorces and moved her out of three men's homes.  I ran to her every time another man beat her up...how she always found "them" is beyond me....Then, she married again...same situation.  After Stephanie died I just couldn't deal with it...so I didn't answer her calls.  She died alone this morning, face down on her floor, by her bed.

She was once a beautiful, successful woman.  My very best friend. She was my age...but, today her mother received the news that her daughter is now gone.

Her struggle with alcohol is now over.

Love you all...Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Wyoming night sky...double rainbow with a full moon.  I swear Gary took it two years ago...he doesn't remember it.

[Guest]

testing   Shoot!!  I'm trying to change avatars, and I'm doing something wrong.  I go to avatar.  upload a new photo and    nothing happens...Any ideas???

By the way...Lorri - you are deep in my thoughts all of a sudden.  Hope you're okay!

 

Well - it seems to be working now.

[nicksdad]

"Living By Faith"

 "Not By Sight"

[nicksdad]

The wife showed this to me and I tought it was so nice...thought i'd share

[hotrod]

                         ERI- ERI

                  SWEET        ANGEL

                        

BETTY

STEPHEN'SMOM

[ericasmom]

Hi My Friends,

so odd, just hit reply to say hi on the Birthday Eve of my Eri, and I could not get on. I think Erz is playing tricks on me, I had to sign in all over again.

Now that I am here I must say thank you so much Trudi, whose April 4th started before ours will, and for whom April 4th means a kind of rebirth as she found her way to this place on that date in 2007, which I will always find a wonderful connection, and of course for the gorgeous tribute to ERICA EILEEN REITH. The pink/red skies and the little brown-haired girl, my Tink, my little Pink Tink. Thanks so much Trudi, she dances in the skies on the eve of her birth.

Dan, the picture you made using ERi's is so pretty, so fittingly beautiful. I know that she would like that, and as usual, you brought tears to my eyes with your artistic rendition. Bless you.

And Betty, the Birthday Greetings are wonderful, she was all about many balloons and ribbons, decorations. She loved them. All different kinds, all at once. So thanks very much.

And to Each of you Lovelies, thanks for your heart filled Happy Birthday wishes to Erica, and your care for me and Jonathan, Michael and John C.  You take mighty good care of us, knowing that this is a jam-packed week of emotions. Really thank you.

Free Girl

Fly my gorgeous Daughter,

over rooftops and mountaintops,

over both fresh and salt waters,

over meadows and forests and

ice flows and jungles,

and over specs of land too tiny to map

and that will never be named.

Fly and zoom and sow your wild beauty

into all that remains.

written by your ever-loving and ever grateful Momma, on April 1 2010. Loving you my Dear Daughter, my Bing, my Bird, My Sissy, Butts, Petunia, Peanut, Skatergirl, Mookielou, Erz, Eri, EER, Babyness, Tink, Erica Eileen.

Twenty six years alo tonight I lay in the hospital anticipating the scheduled c-section that would birth my Daughter. I did not know she was a she, and I would not know until they pulled her from my gigantic self, and my sister, Eileen, who was in surgery with me, mask up revealing her beautiful blue eyes that were then filled with tears, when she said, "it's not Andrew, it's not Andrew."

Everyone thought that I was having a boy, our Boy name was Andrew, and we would call him, Drew. We had several Girl names that were in the running, Julianna, Selena, Natalie, and Erica.

My baby had dark but sparse hair, and she had beautifully shaped eyes, distinctive brows, and a tiny mouth. Who would have known on that first day of nuzzling her that she would one day have dreadlocks and a large bead lodged in her favorite lock, and that those eyes would remain a dark blue green, under the prettiest arch of all time. She was born to me like a song, is how one of my poems starts, and she was. A song that sang us through many a hard time, and was the backdrop to all of the good times. Who would have known? None of us, as if we did, we may never have had the light in our lives that we did, so fearful we would have been had we known the ache that would also make up our lives. And so we live on, knowing that still, she was born to me like a song, on April 4, 1984, at 8:00 AM. And this date will always be a joyous one.

[ericasmom]

[align=center]Birthdays without Her[/align] [align=center]I am feeling the ache of time again-[/align] [align=center]a benchmark of loss-[/align] [align=center]approaching her numbers[/align] [align=center]Her magic day-[/align] [align=center]April 4^th, 1984, [/align] [align=center]4-4-84[/align] [align=center]Four, [/align] [align=center]a most holy number…[/align] [align=center]And I have come to know[/align] [align=center]that with some magic-[/align] [align=center]there is pain. [/align] [align=center]I shall always cherish the magic…[/align] [align=center]and always know the pain,[/align] [align=center]as they are what is left-[/align] [align=center]of Birthdays without Her.[/align]Spring girl

She may have been born of irises

early spring girl-

pure colors shone from her

clearly beautiful, rising from earth.

Standing tall, she leads the garden

Giving the cue,

Spring depending on her gifts,

A royal waking.

[align=center]I hope everyone sleeps the sleep of worn out toddlers, deeply and wake to a beautiful day. I pray that good things await each of you tomorrow and the next day after that. Know that you have helped my heart find the right beat, being able to let my memories fill these last few days with so many words and many meanderings. I am thankful for your kind hearts and your patient listening.[/align][align=center]

[/align][align=center]Love, Dee

[/align]

[ericasmom]

Carol, just saw the whole post you placed, and the rest of the others, so Great photo of the scariest bunny ever with Mike. His instincts were great, Get away from teh icky bunny. I was the Easter Bunny one year at an exclusive hotel in Chicago, The Ambassador WEst. I handed out chocolate eggs in a very hot bunny outfit. Carolyn Jones(morticia from the adams family) was one of the brunch guests. She was beautiful. This was in 1973. I was not a scary bunny, though I was frightened of some of the comments from creepy older men that were there with their grandkids.

I love the story of the money and the show. WHat great kids you have helped raise. They come from good humans. I am thrilled, THRILLED that you are going to the game, Mike will be there, and while everyone roots, roots, roots for the home team, he will be rooting for you and his Pops, His heroes.

Susannah, the photo is great, the smiles on four different faces, all very similar. Broad and open, clearly having a good visit. Have fun with the kids tomorrow. Enjoy.

Debbie, you let us meet Sam, so nice to meet the young man that so many loved. He was a popular Boy because he had a good heart. I have been here almost 7 years so let me agree with Claudia about letting go of some of the hurt. When we let go of some of the replay of the hardest night or days of our lives, we are not letting go of them. I remember when I learned to let pieces of the events go. It was a concious effort as I felt it was destroying me. I let little pieces go by not reliving the tragic events each day. I made myself stop and replaced the tragic with some good memories, eventually not feeling like I was letting go of Erica, in fact, I made so much more room in my life for the great moments to be remembered. It isn't like we will ever forget the pain, it is right there like a layer of us now, but when we let go of the compulsive part of reliving the news, the funeral, the ache, we begin to let our loss move forward with us, instead of letting the world move on without us. I promise, you will not forget him in any way. Promise.

[mikesmomrs]

SWEET AND WONDERFUL ERI....ERZ...TINK....Surround your beautiful momma with love and the sweetest of memories on this, the day you brought magic into her life...as the earth gave forth its newness of spring, so your momma brought forth the newness of a life who would touch many throughout her short time on this plane...help Jon and John through this day...surround them, also, as they remember and miss the sweetest smile they've ever known...the girl/woman who filled their lives with boundless joy and a fresh spirit and love they remember so well. 

Dee, John and Jon...know that you are being held close and thought about today, this special day of days that you will always remember. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

Carol - Wearing the Red Sox T tomorrow - keepin' it as normal as possible.   Is this Mikes friend that thought my Mike looked like your Mike (confusing huh).

After I saw your pic of Mike with the Bunny I went looking for the one of Mike Melissa and Steven.  Couldn't find it - thought I must have given it to she who will no be spoken of.  Went to scan some of the kids school pics in and there in amongst them - well of course it was  there - what was I thinking.....

So love finding these things.....its like 'okay mum you gave up, but here it was all the time'.  As for where it was taken....at Mum and Dad's.  Who the bunny was - no idea.

Easter Parade playing of the TV....ahh Fred and Judy now that's a movie..

Peace Out Trudi

[Guest]

ERICA - ERICA - ERICA - ERICA - ERICA

FLY HIGH.  FLY FREE.  AND, FLY BY YOUR MOMMA AND BROTHER AND GIVE A SQUEEZE!

 

Thinking of you, Dee.

 

[Guest]

Trudi - Is that Mike on the left in the Easter Bunny's lap?  If so, the boy in front must be Steven.  Either way, the son in front looks like the picture of Carol's Mike with the Easter Bunny.  Kind of cool!

It's 12:51am here.  I woke up from a sound sleep, thinking I heard a child.  When I looked all was well.  I turned off the alarm clock, set to wake me early so I do the Easter Bunny thing.  I just finished and made a cup of tea to sit down with my laptop.  I hear, "Grandma!!!"  Jasmine came running from her room and announced that the Easter Bunny came.  Whew!  That was close.

Not sure who has more fun.  Me or the kids.  Probably me.  Watching them get so excited.  Jonathon woke to find the Easter Bunny had also been in his room. 

"He couldn't have come, Jasmine."  I say convincingly, "I've been sitting here this whole time and I didn't see a thing."  Of course she had to convince me differently.

I allowed them to take their new stuffed bunny back to bed with them and told them they had to wait to eat their candy....(not much...just a few jelly beans, a couple of peeps and some chocolate.)

Rosie, Debbie, Pam, Amy and all Indigo's.............Thinking of you as you walk through today without your child.  Regardless of religious beliefs, today represents hope.  May you experience some hope today, believing you will see your child again.  The wait for us seems like forever, but for them it is less than a blink.

Much love,  Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

[Guest]

Dee - Birthdays without her.  You speak my feelings as you reveal your own.  Your words touch me, Dear Lady.  As you reach into the core of your being and pull expose your pain and hope through the written word, so do you expose mine.  With eloquence and class.  Thank you!

[mikesmum]

Susannah - Mike is in the front, thats Steven John on the left and Miss Melissa Anne on the right.  They must be aged 2, 3, & 4....I lost my dad in the Feb..

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

Love, strength and sweet memories for the journey!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Hi guys,

I wrote a long post and lost it ....... grrrrrr!!

Anyway, know that I think and try to keep up with your many happenings and posts.

Bonnie, Jay's Momma

This is an Easter picture of Jason when he was two ..... such a sweet child!

http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa289/luckyladyb/Easter1977.jpg

[hotsauce]

Good morning to everyone here at BI

i want to wish everyone a Happy and safe Easter.

i hope the day is filled with nothing but great surprise.

love and hugs

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[hotsauce]

HAPPY ANGEL BIRTHDAY TO ERICA

send your mother lots of signs on this specail day. 

lots of hugs DEE

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[mysonrich]

Erica,

[mikesmum]

Anyone else hear a collective 'groan'......"Oh not those pics pls....."

He's adorable Bonnie....

Happy Easter Northern Hemispherites.......

[ericasmom]

Love all the photos, I find it amazing that the scary rabbit was on two continents holding twin boys born apart, however living together now.

Bonnie, what a sweet fair-haired Boy. A dolly.

Sus, you did good, sitting as guard and still the bunny got in to do his/her magic.

Thanks Betsy, Bonnie, Marcia(glad that you are near the lake relaxing) Sus, Lorri, Mary Ann for the Birthday wishes. Hold tight to the sweet in your lives, it helps us through the bitter.

It is warm and sunny and going to be a day that allows me time at the cemetery.

Love,

dee

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

Wow Dan You outdid yourself again The card to Honor Eri and the Easter Wish for all our Angels  What a special treat.

 

Dee I loved the poems and thoughts as you reflect on this very special important day.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts life with us.  It is certainly a gift.

 

Trudie and Carol such cute pictures with the Easter Bunny.  What precious Gifts all our Angels were Thanks for the lovely trip down Memory Lane.  

 

Carol I am so glad you are going to go to the game and thank you for the wonderful glimpse of the love within your family the Children are special.

 

Kathy I love how you and Barry worked so hard on Jessica's garden and Fountain  It sounds like a beautiful spot  I would love to have a place like that to fuss over and care for.

 

Susannah Loved the picture of your family and the Easter Bunny story.  How Great for the Children that you are with them.  I am so sorry to hear about your friend and her death.  You are right she is now at peace,  It is a terrible disease.  

 

Maryann Thank you for your warm Easter message and I loved seeing Brian's handsome face this AM

 

Bonnie I loved the picture of sweet Jason.  So glad to see it today.

 

Beth Holding warm gentle thoughts of you and Zacky this Am

 

Betsy I hope you are well and that you and Sherry and Sonya enjoy this wonderful spring day with pictues and bird songs.

 

Rosie, Colleen, Leah, Deneance, KIm, Greg, Claudia Marcia Sue, Susan and all Indigos

holding you close on this day of Hope.

 

I am changing my type to pink in honor of "Tink"i

 

Betty

Stephen'smom 

 

[briansdad]

To all my indigos. Right after Brian died we were shopping for a suit for Jan to wear to the funeral. I was holding Alyssa for those of you who are new here that's Brian's daughter. She took my face in her hands and said to me......"Smile for Daddy Grandpa". I t has take me a a long time to figure out what she meant by that. But on a beautiful Easter Sunday like today.....I finally get it. We should all smile for our children because they are in paradise with Jesus. When we become parents all we want is the best for our kids. Well, I cannot think of anything better than to be where they are.Except back with us.

Happy Easter to all of you.

And happy Birthday to Eri.

[4everjoeysmom]

Amen Greg!!

[Guest]

Pink, in honor of Erica! 

2pm.  We went to church this morning.  I even liked it!  I even think we'll go back!  We had brunch afterwards.  The kids played and ate their candy.  My oldest daughter, my son and I looked at pictures of Stephanie.  Right now, the company has left and all of us are laying down for a nap.  I had to connect with all of you, first.

I showed Amanda, my oldest daughter the picture of all of our angels that I keep on my desktop.  I told her who they all were and how they died.  Tears streamed down her face as I told her how you guys saved my life.  She said she's so glad I found you because they were all really worried about me for a while.

She says she's moving to New Hamphsire with her boyfriend.  I'm not thrilled.  I'm excited for the New Hampshire part, because New England is so beautiful and I'm sure she can get better medical care there.  (She was born with a lot of medical problems.)  She'll be 31, so I guess she can make her own decisions.  Ossippee New Hampshire. 

I hope you all are having a good day.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[daniellemom]

Happy Birthday Erica!! 

Dee -  Thinking of you today, may the memories of your sweet pink girl Erica be with you today!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)  

[lolynbo]

ERI ERI ERI THINKING OF YOU AND YOUR SPECIAL MOM WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE SO MUCH DEE DEE DEE...

 

WELL KODY GOT 5TH, HAD A LIL TRANNY PROB...(OUT OF 15 CARS) NOT TO BAD..ITS ALL FOR FUN..

I SPOKE TO A OFFICER TODAY HE DID TAKE MY REPORT OF THE THEIFT AT THE CEMETERY..VERY CONCERNED AND HOPEFUL...

PPL BELIEVE IT OR NOT I GOT UP  AT 615 THIS MORN FOR SUNRISE SERVICE ON OUR NEW LAND A LADY DONATED TO OUR CHURCH...CAME HOME AND SLEPT A FEW HOURS AND NOW I THINK IM GETTING SICK...BUT WAS GOOD TO BE THERE.

IM FINE THANK YOU FOR THE WORRING..AS FAR AS I NO IM /EVERYONE IS OK...HERE...

[ericasmom]

Thanks Greg for those beautiful thoughts, I too think that our Kids, our Loved Ones, are in a most beautiful place.

Sonya, Lorri, Claudia, thanks for Eri's birthday wishes.

I went to the cemetery, brought my chair, my journal, some pink carnations, a balloon to tie on the flower holder, adn a stick in the ground balloon that says Happy Birthday. The wind was so powerful it nearly pushed me out of my chair a few times, gusts up to 40 mph. I felt good there, police to let folks in and out as it was a busy day so we need the traffic help. The geese adn the robins were busy chatting the whole time, but the sound that really caught my attention was the large woodpecker high up on an Oak tree branch. I watched her stick her head in a hole and keep it there for some time, each time after a loud chirping trill, so I think the call was to her babies, and she was feeding them. Ahh, rebirth. A lovely message on Eri's birthday.

I met several People today, one woman who lost her boy to Cancer in 2004, he was 28. We hugged and cried. Her other son, Oscar translated for us, and it was a very dear time spent. Another woman was putting a plant next to her baby girl's site, only lived for a matter of maybe 4 months, she died in Sept. 03, just after Eri. Hosanna was her name. And so the beat goes on. I came home and began trying a new cake, an italian pound cake, and I think it will be good but I left the crust too long before putting the batter on top and so it got soggy, made from biscotti crumbs and butter, with strawberry glaze made from jam and water, and fresh berries all over the crust adn then the cake batter made with fresh orange juice and vanilla and all sorts of good stuff. We'll see how it tastes. Eri and I liked making cakes from scratch. Even without her actual hands in the batter, I made a mess. Then I have to make the pork tenderloin stuffed with proscuitto. Gee, nothing low cal here...oh well, talk with you all later.

Lorr, glad that Kody placed 5th, and that the officer took your complaint to heart.There is plenty of bronchitas and strep going on around here Lorr, so be careful. My sis eileen is sick with it too.  Sus, glad that church was good and that you are getting a nap in. I hope that your oldest girl finds what she loves in NH.

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday Erica!!!!

Dee, May Erica whisper "I love you, I am OK" in you ear today and everyday.

Amanda, Thinking of you as Brayden's Birthday and Angel day approach tomorrow (per my cheatsheet).

We are having a good day today.  Windy as all get-out, but warm and family is around.

Love

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Greg

I love your post.  I read it to my husband. I know hearing anything about Brian is painful to Scott, but he cannot run inside himself forever.

Your short post gave Scott and I am time to share our loss instead of me sharing and him recoiling.

Thank you Greg.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[summergirl]

[heartbeataway]

Thanks Greg ..... I will "smile for Jason"

It's been a week since we said good-bye to Dad ......

Here's one of my favorite pictures of Dad and Jay together.  Jason used to follow Dad around "helping him. Dad was putting up a new fence.  They stopped to take an "apple" break.