Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

Stephanie - only a few hours old.

 

[hotrod]

                              HAPPY BIRTHDAY

             DEAR SWEET ZACHY       

                                          

                                                 

                      SURRROUND YOUR MOM, DAD AND SISTER WITH  YOUR LOVE AND                                               BEAUTFUL    SPIRIT

                                                 

                                               

 

   

[mikesmum]

Just home from a funeral for the local Sgt of Police.  He was an officer with 32yrs service.  In the past months he and 98 other officers were being 'investigated' for inappropriate, unprofessional conduct in relation to emails circulating around the force.

Two officers were presented with a letter from the Chief commissioner of police.  It gave them two options.  Resign and maintain your benefits or be terminated.  

This Sgt resigned.  He went back to his office the next day.  Being left alone took his own life.  There is outraged and an undercurrent of anger at the whole process...or should I say lack of.   Mal knew him and as a senior officer we attended the funeral, representing the ambulance service.

His service was held at the Academy.   His brother spoke of their lives as young boys, the rep from the police outlined his stalar service.  Community groups from schools, indigenious cultures, camps for under priviledged kids were represented. 

The slide show reflecting the young eager graduate officer through to the elder 'statesman' of the force.  

A lone Scottish piper lead the procession through the honour guard.  One figure stood out - a white haired old gentleman.  In collar tie and jacket held up by two others this elderly gentleman walked slowly behind his son - the light in his eyes now gone.....His pain stood out against a sea of navy uniforms.

Trudi

 

[ericasmom]

Zachy, Happy Birthday Big Beautiful Boy.

Surround your family letting them feel your love and your peace. Help them to be able to walk in your light.Blessings.

[ericasmom]

trudi,

you write so beautifully, a tear leaking from my eye as i read that he followed his son, the light gone from his eyes.

Sorry for the ache adn prayers for the man.

dee

[mikesmum]

You must be up sooooo late Miss Dee!  It was so sad to see his dad, a man who came here from Holland with a new bride and nothing else.  He was widowed in the past year and now his son dies under such circ**stances.......

Finally returned to my 'adventure' list and am putting together 'things I wanted to do or try' before I leave.  Tried scuba diving but firstly I couldn't sink (I heard that) and secondly I became claustrophobic under water in the suite and mask.  Further suggestions welcome.

Trudi

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday, Zachy !

[mysonrich]

Trudi, This looks exciting.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[hotsauce]

ZACHY   ZACHY   ZACHY

happy birthday ZACHY,

[debbief]

Hello to you all again, well Easter has come and gone another date without my darling son Sammy, my family all got through together and my little granddaughter makes you realise that it's now all about her, she has the brightest of Copper hair and she is so endearing and gorgeous, my Sammy would have made a great uncle, he was only in her little life for 8 months, we make sure she knows who he is.  Sammy looks so lovely at the moment with all the Daffodils and Tulips we have given him, although, I would have preferred to give him his usual chocolate eggs which he loved.  I am sure he is proud of us and is definately enjoying himself where ever he is, he just loved life, it was one big adventure to him, which makes it just so cruel that he didn't get to taste the better things in life as an adult.

HELP WANTED PLEASE ~ Can someone please advise me on how to down load photos, I want to put one on my named site and then to down load others at another time. I am sorry if I sound a bit dim but not very good with IT and have searched for the icon but can't find anything.

Big thanks from Sam's mum ~ Debbie x

[debbief]

THANKS ~ to those who have responded, it's brill to have you so close yet so far, I will have a look when I get home from work which is another 3 hours!! 

Debbie xx

[shorty16]

Debbie

Select "My Account" in the upper right corner.

Select "Avatar" under "Watched Topics"

You can load you posting picture from there.  The picture I chose is Brian's Junior year photo.  The last class picture ever taken of him.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

It is 50 degrees here today and raining.

Wait 5 minutes and the weather will change here in Wisconsin.

Love to my fellow indigos

Colleen

[mpsmom]

[align=center]Happy Birthday Little Zachy !!!!!!!!!!!![/align]

Surround your mom with hugs and giggles today, show her you are always there with her.

HUGS>> Marcia     Bethanys Mom Forever and a Day

[debbief]

Thank you Colleen

 

Debbie x

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

Beth Holding you close this Day  May warm memories of your little angel

 

Debbie It was so sweet to hear about how you made Sammy's  Easter so special.  Yes it would have been grand to  give a chocolate Bunny again  but we do what we can. I am glad you shared it here. Really looking forward to seeing Sammy's picture.  I agree it is so special to connect with people on this Board who are  so near  to our hearts yet  so far in distance.

 

Dee I hope you are recovering from your fall yesterday  It sounded painful..  Loved the poem the" Ballerina " and cannot believe that the 40 th Earth Day is upon us  I can remember the first.

 

Susannah  I loved the sweet little precious baby picture of Stephenie and the wedding picture as well Two very beautiful women!!! To answer your question re my health  I still have complete numbness and pain  in my legs and arms but all tests are negative.  So I just keep showing up for new series of tests and then wait. 

 

Betsy the Sky Diving vided was thrilling  I do not think I could go for that but did look like fun.Trudie I had completed most of my Bucket List a few years before I retired. I am not at the adding stage but I know the best bucket list thing I did was to  cruise down the Nile (like Cleopatra) :dude: Visiting the Ancient Temples and Pyramids on Camel along the way. Maybe you would   like that? Or a ride in a hot air Balloon.

 

Sherry I know it is exciting to be living in a new home with so much land and wild life about  I wish you much happiness there.

 

Colleen It sounds like your weather is like MaryAnn's  Hope you both enjoy the day.

 

Kathy and Barry  So glad for your success and do hope for a speedy recovery

 

Carol and Ralph  Rest enjoy the warmth of the days and the relief from your anxiety  Holding you both in my prayers. 

 

Lorrie  I hope you are recovering

 

Marcia, Sonya and Bonnie so good to see Bethany, Danielle and Jason  these days.

 

All Indigos please have a peaceful day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[lolynbo]

DEE, I WANTED TO SHARE ANOTHER IRONY I REMEMBERED.....KOURTNEY WORKED AT WALMART FOR 5 YRS B4 SHE CAME TO WORK WITH US AT GALAXIE...AND THERE WAS A MAN THERE THAT WORKED WITH HER AND SHE SAID "MOM HE HAS A BRAIN TUMOR"...AND WE JUST THOUGHT WOW,,,,,THIS IS IT FOR HIM.....SHE WOULD KEEP ME POSTED ON HIS SURGERY AND THINGS..

HE NOW IS WORKING AT HOMELAND WITH KODY DOING GREAT....BROOKE ALSO WORKS THERE AND SHE ASKED HIM DID HE REMEMBER KOURTNEY HE SAID HE DID....HE KNEW SHE DIED BUT DIDNT KNOW SHE IS KODYS SISTER...NOW HE FEELS AND THINKS THE WAY HER AND I DID FOR HIM.....

MY FRIEND HAS 2 SOLAR BUTTERFLIES HE AND ANOTHER FRIEND BOUGHT ALL LOWES HAS SO HE SAID HE WILL GIVE US 2....SO NICE OF PPL..

THE OFFEICER FEELS WE WILL CATCH THESE PPL....MAYBE INSTEAD OF JAIL TIME I WILL HAVE THEM VOLUNTEER AT KOURTNEYS KLOSET...?????? MAYBE THAT WILL HAVE MORE OF AN IMPACT????

DANCING WITH DAD AT KIMMYS WEDDING SEPT 07'

[Guest]

ZACHY ZACHY ZACHY.

FLY HIGH.  FLY FREE.  AND, PLEASE LET YOUR MOM KNOW YOU'RE OKAY!!!

[Guest]

Betty - That sucks that they haven't found out why you're having problems with your arms and legs!  I have a selfish reason for asking.  I'm hoping you're well enough to attend the gathering in Little Rock.

Gotta run...off to the eye doctor!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[briansdad]

Happy Birthday to the Zach Man!!!!

[debbief]

Hello this is a picture of my beautiful Son Sammy taken in his room in 2008 when he was 18.

If it has worked the other photo is of him at Christmas 2008, I hope I have done it right.

Debbie xx

[debbief]

Sorry I tried to change the first photo and it didn't work, here is a photo of me and my granddaughter last Halloween.

Scary I know!

Debbie, Sam's mum x

[hotrod]

Hi Debbie

Great pictures 

Sammy is very handsome and naturally his fun loving spirit shines thru. You are a very beautiful witch and your  Grand daughter so very sweet. 

 You did great posting the pictures now you can show us more and more !!!

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

[Guest]

Debbie - What a doll baby your granddaughter is!  It looks like she takes after her grandma!  It is so good to see Sammy's face.  Also a handsome guy.  His face exudes love and peace!

Getting ready to take a nap. 

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

AS I SAID KOURTNEY WORKED AT WALMART FOR 5 YRS..AND EVERY TIME SHE AND I WOULD GO TO SHOP WE WOULD SEE THIS LADY THAT WOULD JUST ALWAYS HUGG ON KOURTNEY...I DONT NO HER BUT KOURTNEY ALWAYS WAS NICE TO HER....SO I SEE HER FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE KOURTNEY DIED YES AT WALMART YEST AND SHE SAYS...."YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE BLONDE".....IVE ALWAYS BEEN BLONDE...(CEPT MY ROOTS)...BUT THIS IS ALL SHE HAS TO SAY TO ME FOR LOSING MY SWEET DEAREST FRIEND AND CHILD???????? I JUST  SAID THANKS........

[summergirl]

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's -

Dee - OK I did laugh but only because it is something that I would do....I am no dancer believe me....if there is a crack in the sidewalk I find it.   You are a busy woman.

Trudi - Love, love the pics.  I am so sorry for the loss of the Police officer. As Dee said you can bring me to tears with your words...the dad, I could picture him as I read and it is so very sad..prayers.     You did sky diving right ???  You did the hot air balloon....well I have to think on this...

Lorrie - do not be too upset with the woman in Walmart....as we say "best to say nothing at all then to say something stupid".     I am so glad that the young man who worked with Kourtney is doing well and working with Kody...so sweet of him to give you the solar butterflies.  For one bad thing that happens sometimes we get lucky and another thing brings us a smile.

Sam is so handsome and I love the pic of you and your grandaughter...adorable. I am so glad you have learned to post pics, cannot wait to see more.

Barry is home and not feeling well...he is headed upstairs to lay down. It is all the gas that makes him so uncomfortable as they pump you up with gas for the operation and it takes a while for it to works its way out of the system. I feel bad but all I can do is give him sympathy words and hugs. He has lost 29 pounds. Liquid diet for the next 2 weeks and then on to some soft food for 2 weeks and then back to normal eating, well not norman but more solids. I am taking a before and after pic, maybe send it to the "Biggest Loser" -- hee hee        Tavian will not be home until Monday - yikes - but he is having a good time and since Barry is not feeling so good and I am working it is best all the way around. Cannot wait to have him home and he will stay home for a while.

I did get some sleep last night although tossed and turned....was worried about Barry...we all know how much more we worry now then we did before.   I talked to my mother-in-law for about an hour last night and it was really nice right up to the end...we were talking about Tavian and I told her how he is now slowly getting used to the idea of going to bed by himself..her reply "well, he should have been doing that a long time ago".....my reply "well, Barry and I discussed it and it was the one thing we did not push as he was 4, kissed his mommy good-by, said I love you and went to bed and woke up with no mommy" ....her reply "well, he should be over that by now"....my reply NOTHING....are you kidding me, he is supposed to be over losing his mommy just because he was 4 and is now 8.......I so badly wanted to say something NOT NICE but I knew it would not change anything so why bother. Breathe, just breathe !!!!

It was HOT here today....almost 80 and I love it. Worked out in the yard after getting Barry settled in. The windows are open, fresh air. Now we get to look forward to the change from sunny and hot to rainy and in the low 50's.....oh well.

To everyone...I think of each of you always....your Angels always in my heart knowing that they are all together with my Jessica.    Peace to all, Kathy

[mikesmum]

Colleen - Melbourne has 4 seasons in one day so I get where you're at.

Deb - Congrats - Love the pic of your 'cheeky boy' and your grandbaby.  That is the beauty of this site.  While support through the grieving is part of it...we all find ways to help each other on other things.

Betsy - Not to sure about the kayak out of a plane....but bares thinking about....Did the hot air balloon, not sure about throwing myself out of a perfectly good plane!

Kathy - Pls forgive the stupid people no matter how old they are...they know not of what they speak......You did good not to reach down the phone...you know!!

My company has sent me a 'client survey'. It begins...the survey forms an important part of ESTA's commitment to provide all employees with a safe working enviroment where employees can achieve their full potential and have enjoyment satisfaction and fulfilment through their work....

Since Micheal died there has been no development of a procedure or policy to address the 'loss of a family member while working at 000'.  That also includes those who worked on that Black Saturday where 179 Victorians lost their lives...their calls will haunt those who worked for the rest of their lives......

Ahhh well I have vented....My response has been sent - of course these are completely anonymous - yeah right...you do have to identify your position and place of work...

Here is a picture of Emily Jade......not sure where it is...but check out the right upper corner.....

em.bmp

[daveydow1]

Kathy----sorry to hear Barry is not feeling up to par yet. Hope he is feeling

a lot better very soon. I'm sure your hugs and loving care will help a lot.

Betty---Thanks for your kind wishes. As of right now......I can't find anything

that I'm looking for, due to so many boxes of stuff from the moving. Guess it

might take me a year to get it all sorted out.

Debbie-----Your son Sammy is indeed a very handsome young man.

Trudi---Sorry that they haven't established a support group for the 000 people

who died. Gosh, it seems like that would have been done to help the families.

Everyone at BI.......I am just getting used to this dialup connection for the internet.

It seems painfully slow, and a bit problematic. Oh well....I guess I'll get used to it

in due time:(.  Best wishes for everyone that sleep will come easily tonight.

P.S.  Love all the pics everyone sends.

               Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry    

[ericasmom]

OH MY GOODNESS< I JUST wrote to you all for 30 minutes, and it disappeared, don't know why or how but I can't do it over. Sorry All, what a foolish woman I must be, I just have not been in-step for a few days.

Suffice it to say I love you all. Deb, so glad to see and get to know the handsome Sammy. I think that you look like the Mum of your Grandie, not the Grandmum.

Betsy, tell me more about the not feeling well, and i must have missed a big post to not know about this.

Yikes, can't believe I lost the post.

Love,

dee

[ericasmom]

okay in my lost post, I told Trudi that Emily Jade is certainly connected to her UNCLE MIKE>meerkats!

Kathy, glad that husband is home, hate that he is uncomfortable, but have had several abdominal surgeries, and the discomfort is bad for about 3 days, then you start to feel the healing.

Sherry, sorry you have to deal with dial-up, but glad to have you back. I missed you. Glad that Eri was the greeter for your return.

Carol, don't see you today and so I am off to bed to pray that all things were good today. I loved the Fenway park at sunset photo, so nice of you to think of Eri on her birthday causing the pink in the sky. She sure loved Boston, and I am quite sure she loves the beauty of Mike getting you and Cathi those tickets. Prayers.

Prayers also for Betty for that numbing and pain. Have you gone to a chiropractor?

New York hit 90 degrees today but will be colder by far tomorrow, so take your coats on Thursday, we had the cold stuff today and tomorrow too. NO warm up till Saturday.

Today, the ERi fund brought a runner named Katie Visco to our school to inspire them through her passion: Running. We have a program called Girls on the Run that works with young girls to raise their awareness of their bodies and strength, their unity as girls, the importance of finding comfort within...so the program wanted to bring Katie in but needed 100.00 to match the contribution someone else gave. I was so touched by Katie while she spoke to the girls, 3,4,5 graders. She was dear. It took her 9 months to cross from Boston to San Diego. Eighteen miles per day. Wow, what an inspiration.

Love to all, sweet dreams,

dee

[ericasmom]

For those of you interested in Girls on the Run, it is an international organization for preteen girls, you could start one in your school district...

http://www.girlsontherun.org/

Also, there will be a show on PBS on April 14th I think, for children who have lost their parents, hosted by the Sesame Characters and Katie Couric. Maybe Tavian, and Susannah's Grandies can watch, I will too.

[Guest]

I am virtually speechless.  I just watched "Amish Grace" on my laptop.  What a powerful lesson!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[zachysmom]

I wanted to thank everyone.

I wrote this earlier

To my little boy so high in the sky these balloons to fly

I know they will never reach you but I have got to try.

You left me that night I don't know why You had to fly

So sad I have been I have and forever will cry

The knowledge that one day I will be as high

To see you to flying back to me

Makes me take each step to go closer to that day.

So for now my angel boy fly free

For one day it will be me and thee.

[mikesmomrs]

Just a  quick post to say hello and that you are, as always, in my heart and thoughts.  I am so sorry to hear about your fall, Dee, and I do hope that the muscles and torn places heal quickly.  You sound pretty busy at work...loved to hear about the "girls on the run..." sounds like a wonderful program.

Betty:  Do pursue the numbness and tingling stuff...I know you've already been through a lot of tests, but I hope they find something soon to help you. 

Bonnie:  Good to see that sunshine face of Jason, and to hear from you.

Sherry:  I do know where you are coming from about the "boxes of stuff," and the "where did all this come from?" thoughts.  We still have a few unpacked...I told Ralph I am just going to throw them away, unopened...NOT!

Speaking of Ralph...we went to his primary care today and basically told him that we felt as though we were being jerked around by the doctors who have ordered these tests, etc., given us foreboding news, and then never even bothered to call us to talk to us about the results...just left us hanging until we pursued them.  He was basically in agreement, but was "diplomatic" about his comments.  Anyway, he is going to follow up with them, and he knows we have an appt with the urologist on Monday for further "talking" and evaluation and planning re the kidney and its status and treatment.  He did agree that we should get a second opinion on the reports before we proceed with any treatment for the kidney.  For now it looks like the lungs are okay...many nodules, etc., but nothing showed up on the PET as "active."  What a wild ride this has been!  I thank you all again for your support, and prayers and thoughts...I don't know what I would do without you all here.  You all are a blessing in my life. 

Trudi:  The pic of Steven with Jeya...so cute...she is adorable.  and, again, looks just like her gramma...  The letter from work...unreal, just unreal.  And the pic of Emily...yes, I see the upper right corner...so special...that Mike!  I am so very sorry about the gentleman whose son felt it was better to leave this earth...tears as I read your post...you truly did bring us there and shared the emotion; wish I could send him some comfort. 

Sus:  Loved the pics...Stephanie so new in the world, just as cute as can be.  And you looked so lovely beside her at the wedding...

Kathy:  So sorry that Barry is not feeling well; likely the soreness will keep him down  for a bit, but hopefully he will be up and about soon.  He has much to be proud of, as do you...keep up the good work and the support. 

Debbie:  Thank you for sharing the pics of Sammy...he, too is adorable, though I am sure he would not approve of that adjective...

Beth:  I am so sorry I missed Zachy's birthday...I hope that you were surrounded by the sweetest of memories...your poem is filled with love and came straight from your heart and I know he is so proud of you...  I hope you had a happy birthday, Zachy---I know all our angels were with you and helping you to celebrate.

Lorri:  That is so nice of that person to give you some solar lights...it is just so awful that someone would take anything from a cemetery...  We are planning on putting some lights out this spring...hopefully they will stay there. 

Allergies are just out of control this week...eyes, ears, everywhere!!!  Love the  spring, the flowers, etc., but this is going to be one of those really charged up seasons, I think...hopefully I will still have eyes by the time it calms down.  My daughter was telling me that in VA, the yellow pollen is covering everything everywhere...we are not at that "visual" stage here yet, but likely soon will be...aaaachhhooooo!!!!!!!

I finished doing my taxes, and find we owe over $2500.!!!!   Can't believe it, but it is so.  I guess it all slipped through the cracks when we retired and they changed Ralph's disability from the military to be through VA, and the social security kicked in for both of us and no one told us we were supposed to pay taxes on it.  So, beans and dry bread for a bit, I guess...  I'd better hide my baseball tickets...Ralph may try to sell them!!!:shock:

I hope you all have a good day today...leading into the weekend again...weather is supposed to cool off---a lot---but sun and 60's is forecast for 4-5 days after the cooling period, so that is nice to think about. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

[user=35331]zachysmom[/user] wrote:

I wanted to thank everyone.

I wrote this earlier

To my little boy so high in the sky these balloons to fly

I know they will never reach you but I have got to try.

You left me that night I don't know why You had to fly

So sad I have been I have and forever will cry

The knowledge that one day I will be as high

To see you to flying back to me

Makes me take each step to go closer to that day.

So for now my angel boy fly free

For one day it will be me and thee.

Beth - Each of us here holds that one hope in their heart.....to be once again with our children, one day at a time..

Remembering Zachy today and always.....

Carol - Yes the VA and Social Security drive my in-laws nuts.  They were given an increase of $4 by one then lost $6 from the other!  Hope your appointments are able to give you some explanation and direction.  The adjustments in their taxes saw them owing $6000au last yr...a gliche they say.

To all - the light fades earlier now, the chill creeping in.  Winter - love that hibernating time of the year.....

 

[debbief]

Hello Beth just wanted to say that poem speaks volumes about how I feel and can't wait for the day that I am back with my Sammy, I know I have to make sure my precious daughter Lucy and granddaughter Summer are OK and happy first, I feel guilty feeling like this but the need to see and be with Sam is so overwhelming at times.

Sams mum ~ Debbie x

[nicksdad]

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

 

Dear Beth what a beautiful heartfelt poem to sweet Zachy.  He has heard your love and is so near you.  Thank you for sharing him and your creative wisdom with us

 

Debbie Good to see Sammy and to hear your feelings  You are not alone!!!

 

Dan Beautiful card for little Zachy  Your talent is so special

 

Carol I know how upsetting it is to be going thru  test after test and to be frightened about the outcome.    Ralph and you deserve to rest especially since your allergies are acting up  Please try to rest.

 

Dee I loved the video and e idea of a class and speakers reaching out to young girls in 3,4,5 grade to explain how to get and maintain self esteem and self respect thru Running .  A great lesson to be taught to the young!!!

 

Trudie Emily Jade is so very happy and full of life  She does look like you and I do se Mike in the upper right watching over it all

 

Kathy Glad Barry and you are going to take it easy for a few days.  I know when Tavian returns how happy you will be

 

Susannah I did not see that show but understand it is how Tragedy can be transformed by forgiveness.  It is funny when I thought about that idea I found that  the Anger and hate I felt for Stephen's girlfriend is gone

 ( I do not know where)  I do not believe I have forgiven her but I now longer actively hate her.  Progress!!!!

 

It is beautiful again here in NYC I do not have anything to wear so I am going shopping and to lunch

after I feed and snuggle my furry charges

 

Hope every Indigo has a Blessed day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[ericasmom]

Good morning all,

Hey, Dan, the last two times I open my Beyond here at work, yours is the only one without words but a blue box with a question mark in it. I know that at home it isn't like that, so something about this set up will not allow what you sent...Odd hu?

Beth, a lovely poem stating your heart ache, wishing for a time to be together again, and that time will come Sweetie, but for now home with the pieces of your heart and your Daughter who loves you dearly. My prayers rest with you for strength to find joy again. And the same to Deb and to All who are pretty new to this sadness.

carol, hide those tickets, priceless in their magic.

[Guest]

Stephanie - 13 yrs old.

[mikesmum]

[user=22626]hotrod[/user] wrote:

 

Susannah I did not see that show but understand it is how Tragedy can be transformed by forgiveness.  It is funny when I thought about that idea I found that  the Anger and hate I felt for Stephen's girlfriend is gone

( I do not know where)  I do not believe I have forgiven her but I now longer actively hate her.  Progress!!!!

 

It is beautiful again here in NYC I do not have anything to wear so I am going shopping and to lunch after I feed and snuggle my furry charges

 

Hope every Indigo has a Blessed day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

Betty - I remember those first months, maybe even the first year how enraged and angry I was with Micheals partner Amanda.   Having him removed from home New Years eve morning weeks before he died, waiting 40mins to call the ambulance that morning, rorting the system to aquire $3000 as his 'carer' after he died, the list goes on.

Now its like the volume of my anger has been turned down, even muted.  It has found its place.  Don't get me wrong, my heart is unable to be completely at peace with her, but the verocity of my anger hasn't served in achieving the return of Micheal nor enabled me to have my grand daughter in my life.

I guess this is part of the process - the grief, the anger and the reality coming to find their own space as life moves on.

Enjoy the shopping, lunch and of course the snuggles from your fuzzy friends.

Cold this morning, fog on the ground......Taking a leaf out of your book Carol - set the timer for 1hr for house work then off with the pup!

 

[zachysmom]

Something to think about. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you will ever forget. It is to help you heal. Think of the emotions you release when you forgive. It is like a 10,000,000 pound weight that you decide to let go of. I know I forgave my bio father for abusing me in every way. When I did that I no longer had the burden of hatred and anger and yes even the want to kill him. I will never forget because what he did made me who I am today

[mikesmum]

"Forgiving doesn't erase the bitter past - A healed memory is not a deleted memory.  Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember.  We change the memory of our past into a hope for out future"  Louis Smedes.

I can't remember where I got this from.  I sent it to Amanda in a letter.  I apologised for not being able to see past my own pain and venting my anger on her without acknowledging how losing Mike affected her or Harmony....  No response.   Since then there has been a note sent to Micheals ex partner Lauren. The anger and hate (no not a too strong word) towards me, my family and Lauren is still large. 

 

[summergirl]

Ok Dee - what is going on ?? I just wrote a post and it would not send, lost it..

Thank you for the telling of Girls on the Run and also the show on PBS on the 14th, I will watch that with Tavian.

Trudi - yes I am forgiving of those who are stupid no matter how old they are. It was hard not to speak my mind but would not change a thing so why bother.    So nice here the last few days but the cold will return for the weekend.   I understand about the hibernating during the winter time....

Love the poem you wrote for your Zach - beautiful.

Stephanie at 13, adorable.

Barry is much better today, still a bit uncomfortable but he walked - yes I said walked - to the little store down on the cornor this morning...cannot remember when he last walked further then from the house to his truck. I am so very proud of him and thank you all for you warm wishes.  I have taken a before pic and will take one each month as he progresses.

MISS MY TAVIAN BUT HE WILL BE HOME MONDAY....SO IT WILL BE A LAZY, MOVIES, LAPTOP, POPCORN WEEKEND FOR ME.  

To all I love you, you are my family and I do not know what I would do without you. Sleep peacefully...Kathy

[ericasmom]

Going to go watch CSI but wanted to say HI to all, now I see what you sent Dan, the gorgeous thoughts to Zachy for his birthday. Very nice, very lovely.

Kathy, check on google when that show is in case I made a mistake, but I think I heard on the 14th. Yep, Girls on the Run is a fabulous opportunity for young women to learn how to grow and be strong of mind and body. Boy could I have used that at those ages.

Beth, I have not given up my hatred for my Dad who also abused me all my years, but I agree, it is part of who I am and how I make choices, its just the choices I made as a young one were very bad for me and directly responding to the abuse. I am grateful to have lived through the poor judgement and be able to be strong now.

Love,

dee

PS Trud, love that saying, thanks.

[lolynbo]

SO IM AT THE CEMETERY AND THE BOYS MOM IS THERE SHORTLY AFTER ...MATT HE WAS 28...(THE ONE I JUST MET HIS WIFE AND IS NOW MY FRIEND)...WE HUGGED..AND SHE SAID I GIVE HER HOPE..(OH GOD...DO I..HOW CAN I....DO I HAVE HOPE, IS THERE HOPE)....WE TALKED ABOUT JUST GETTINGUP OFF THE COUCH IS  A GOOD DAY TO ME..AND WHERE I GOT KOURTNEYS HEAD STONE..ETC..SHE THANKED US FOR CLEANING OFF HIS GRAVE...I DONT NO IF I DID ANYTHING I JUST WAS THERE...

WELL WE HAVE A REST HERE IN ARDMORE CALLED ELCHICOS (DONT NO IF YAL HAVE EM OR NOT)..BUT THEY CALLED TODAY WANTING TO KNOW IF WE WANTED TO DO A KOURTNEYS KLOSET NIGHT....WELL HECK YA....WE WILL GET 10% OF ALL SALES..BUT WE HAVE TO GUARANNTEE (SP) AT LEAST 100 PPL COME...(FROM 5-10)..SO IM POSTING IT ON FB AND MYSPACE...I THINK WE CAN DO IT...HOW NEAT IS THIS...

WELL CARLEY HAS BEEN AIRLIFTED TO OKC AGAIN, HER STITCHES CAME OUT OF HER CERVIX..(SP) AND SO THEY WENT AHEAD AND TOOK OUT THE REST SO IF SHE STARTS TO GO INTO LABOR SHE WILL HAVE BABY EARLY..SO ANYTIME FROM NOW TIL 6 WKS...SHE WILL BE IN HOSP TIL BABY COMES...IM GOING TO OKC MONDAY AND I WILL GO SEE HER AND BRENT....PLZ PRAY FOR THEM...

[daveydow1]

Beth----Sorry I missed little Zachy's birthday. I pray that you had many warm

& sweet memories of you beautiful boy, and that they warmed your heart.

God bless his little white soul. Your poem is heartwarming.

Carol----Yes----who knows where all the "stuff" comes from. I did manage to

"get my dander up", and put a lot of things into a box for the Salvation Army

thrift store, and actually got around to delivering it......YAY! I know I'll never

miss that stuff. Sending prayers for Ralph's health. Peace to you.

Debbie---I think we all so understand when you say you have such a strong

wish to be with your dear Sam. Of course we don't have a choice in the matter,

but it is an undeniable longing to be with a beloved child that has gone on before

us. Peace & prayers.

Betty---Yes---I guess the anger that we feel toward others in relationship to our

dear chilren's death can 'soften' in due time. I try not to bear angry feelings

against the truck driver who killed Davey, and most of the time I'm able to keep

my mind 'fairly' free of the anger. However, sometimes it just does slip back, even

though I don't like the feeling too much. Recently, there were three 19-yr. old guys

killed in one horiffic wreck where a driver of a big rig crashed into their car. It

was on the same road where Davey lost his life. Distracted Driving.....he fell asleep

at the wheel, just as the driver did when he flattened my son's car. This, of course,

brought all those negative feelings to the forefront for my husband and me. Such

a terrible loss of life....those families are literally devastated.

Susannah----Stephanie is such a darling cutie at age 13. Thanks for the pic.

I am sorry if I have not posted directly to someone who replied to my last post.

My dialup connection is so SLOW that it takes, literally, minutes to switch a page

or do anything., so I can't go back to previous pages or I lose my page.:X

 PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO EACH AND EVERY ONE HERE AT BI.

                  Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

 

[ericasmom]

Wow Lorri, airlifted twice now? Holy Cow, I will pray for Carly and hope that the Little One can stay put and grow for at least a few more weeks. As for the Mom of the 28 year old, yep, you give her hope. She sees in you what you don't realize yet, that you are living and breathing and operating in ways that you were not at right after Kourt died. You are running a nonprofit organization, you are going after the people who stole from you, you smile and help your Son when he races, you are able to converse with people, and you gave the wife of this woman's Son, a hug and cleaned off the grave of her Boy. That is a hell of a lot you know. Think about what you were able to do back when this was all new. Think about  the difficulty of thinking of going to a store...Yep, there is hope, and maybe because you were feeling so without it, this woman found it for you, it was in the things you do.

Deep sleep Everyone, restorative and healing sleep. Kath, tell Barry that we are rooting for him, what a great thing that he took a short walk this evening. Carol, give Ralph a hug and yourself too, healing and hope, the themes for our lives.

Susannah, I love the thirteen year old Stephanie. So cute.

[ericasmom]

Hi Sherry, I must have been posting when you did. I am sorry that the sadness and anger were brought to the front of your hearts when those Boys died in the same manner as Davey. Yes, you know that those families are literally devastated, because you know exactly how that feels. If we could only offer them some hope.

Peace to you,

dee