Loss of an Adult Child

[My girl is in heaven]

Mia’s mommy.  It is hard not to, but try not to think of all the things that could have been and instead think of the time you did have, although tragically too short.  You will see your girl again someday and finish the things left undone.  You are not selfish to feel sad and empty...how can we not feel that way.  She still lights up your heart and life but from a different place now.  Time in heaven is not measured in days, months and years as it is here on earth.  Our angel babies will be waiting right there for us someday.  Hold on friend, hold on.

 

Luanne.....Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

Rebekah’s mom.  How is work.  It is so difficult to go back.  Right now you just need to know, but in time the reason won’t hold as much power over you.  Do you have other children.  U r a nurse, right.  Let us know how it is going. 

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

Peggy, Margee, Stephanie, mumtogeorge, missing my little man, kjsmommy, PieceofCate, and all you others new on this journey, keep coming here, lean on us, let us hold you up when you stumble, and cheer you on when you run.  And you will all run someday. That’s a promise.

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

For all of you who walk this journey, please remember:

 

Dont live in the past, just visit it once in awhile. 

When your driving you are always looking forward, you only glance in your rear view mirror once in awhile. 

 

Talk care all, and have a good week. 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

 

 

[Mumtogeorge]

Luanne...you really lift me with your posts...i agree get rid of friends that actually dont want to ride the rocky road.. my best friend of 30 plus years grabbed me at Georges funeral and told me she wanted the old me back!!!! Then one day she rang and i shouted...cried and ranted as thought she would be there to just listen but instead told me she wouldnt keep calling but for me to get in touch if i needed her! She lives a five min walk away but said if she lived nearer she could help us more...hence she always had an excuse as to why she couldnt call etc..finished work.late...got lots on!!!...i guess some people talk the talk...but actions speak louder than words. Hence i have asked her just to stay away now...she put up no fight so she was only interested in what i could bring to the friendship...i know if it were her in this situation i would be her rock...but we learn in life dont we.

But then other friends have revealed they are truly there whether i cry...scream etc they sit with us when we down..call even when we the worse company etc..and im.truly grateful.to these..without them i honestly dont know how we would of got through the early days. Looking back...they put food in front of us...laundry..shopping etc.....i know they did out of love x 

[Mumtogeorge]

Lean on those who.love you...and want to help...it helps to soften your landing each time you fall back x

[My girl is in heaven]

Devianez.....how are you doing dear friend.  Has there been a court date set yet.  That is so not right you should have to wait this long.  I’m sure it is a heavy burden to carry.  But when it does start talk to us every day, and let us hold your hands.  Look how far you have come already.  Let us know how things are going.

 

Brendans dad.  Not sure if you are still reading. How is the sertraline going.  It has been one medication that has helped me a lot.  I hope it is helping you too.  

 

Margee, Peggy,......where are you guys.  Keep coming here....we will hold you up no matter where you are on your journey.  Peace to you. 

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[NiquesMom]

So I have to tell you.  When I got home last night from support group,  I was walking up to my door and a frog jumped in front of me and landed on my door frame. I tried to get it to move,  so it wouldn't go in my house.  I thought maybe it was a sign from my daughter.  So the frog turns too look at me and jumped on my face! My daughter is a stinker!! 

[daveydow1]

HELLO   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

[daveydow1]

Cheryl-----It's so good that your grandson remembers his Uncle Tony,

and talks about him.  My son, David, died in a wreck before either of my

grandsons were born, so they don't talk about him. I don't believe my

daughter (their mother) talks to them about him.  So, it must warm your

heart when you hear your grandson speak of your dear son, Tony.  Thank

you for posting the great pics. 

 

PieceofCate-----I'm sorry you have been having a rough time. It is so very

recent that you lost your dear daughter, and the pain is raw.  I , too, know

what you mean about reliving the accident scene.......it is difficult not to. My

son, David, also died in a terrible wreck, and I still have 'flashbacks' sometimes,

though it has been 15 years.  The shock of your loss of your daughter is so recent.

Just keep coming here to this site where everyone understands the sorrow of losing

a child.  It is possibly understanding that you may not be able to easily find elsewhere.

Peace to you.

Niquesmom----Sorry that you are in a dark place, with your grief for Nique, and remembering

the loss of your dear mother. I'm glad that your SIL was able to help you.

LouAnn----I agree.....we can search the world over, and still not get the answers to our

"why"?  questions.  As you say......"Someday"  we will.

 

Miasmommy-------I'm sorry for your loss of your sweet little girl.  I hope you will come back

here......everyone here understands, because we have all lost children.  I hope that you

will have some dreams of your sweet child.  Anytime we get a little dream.....no matter how

small or fleeting, it is for us to hold in our hearts.....treasures.

 

Bea--------------Donnamarie-----good to see your posts.  

Take care.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry   

 

  

[My girl is in heaven]

Virgina..nice that you are so open to niques signs,  who would have thought a frog.  How wonderful.  

 

 Here is a tid bit I came across once. Maybe it might help some of you:

Things are only heavy when we hold onto them.  Write the words “the past” on a stick or rock and throw it away.  When we throw it away, let it go, it isn’t heavy anymore.

 

hugs to you all

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

 

 

[Barbee61]

Today I went to the grocery store for the first time, I felt disoriented and wanted to throw up, I look at happy people and I get angry. Why oh why is my Scott gone while others live on. I feel horrible for having these thoughts but I can't help it. Tomorrow is 3 weeks, most days I'm numb I have no motivation I just sit and think. I can't look at his pictures. I go back to work next week they are letting me do half days for the first week, I don't no if I'm ready but I fear I'll lose my job if I don't return. I have other things going on in my family as well. My youngest son is mentally challenged and his brother was his best friend, I see and hear the sadness in him, my mom is starting to battle dementia and my poor Dad is dealing with that. So on top of Scott's death are my other family members. All I can do is pray, I no God is good, but I feel my strength slipping away.

 

[My girl is in heaven]

Barbee...scroll back to page 2584..I posted to you there.  Hugs  Luanne...kirasmama

[MargeeTx]

Month:    7.    Why does it always happen on a Tuesday?   When Meredith and her family visited a couple of weeks ago, we had a short discussion that she, Jeremy and I would try to find some time to discuss what we would do with Jason's ashes.  Well, as family goes, we never got around to it.  Mike has the ashes in our safe.  Tonight Mere and Mike (hubby) got into a text fight.  SOMETIMES I HATE THIS METHOD OF COMMU ICATION. She was wanting to surprise me and Jeremy with one of those charm type things that you apparently keep a very small amount of the ashes as a keepsake.  Mike and I had discussed this before, and mike knew I would never want that.  Needless to say, the text got heated when mike disagreed with her.  So, I bit the bullet and called her.  She was in tears. Now, she never wants to speak of them again... EVER.. and Jeremy and I can do whatever we want.  Before, it had been discussed that the ashes could be scattered on his grandparents grave, or buried with his Dad. Right now, I am feeling as raw and in pain just as I had in January when this happened.  

I tried to remind Mere that feelings are still so raw that we needed to talk later.  She blew up and said she may not ever speak to any of us again..... my drama queen. 

Why does everything hurt the bad?  Once again.... my apologies for unloading on the people who I KNOW care.

xxoo margarett

[My girl is in heaven]

Margee.... that’s what we are here for...unload..anything, anytime you want.  It is a very touchy issue and tempers  flare.  But u do t have to make that decision today.  Let things cool off and see and slowly start up again, but right now let it sit.  You know Meredith loves you all.  She will come around.  How is your afib....does stress flair it up.  Look after your health.  Hugs friend

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[Somersky]

I found that even two years .... Skylar left us ... on his birthday... friends who I thought were there... are no longer here! I’m not sure why? I would never abandon a friend in need... maybe some just are not strong enough to tough it out!

I had a client a month after Skylar died tell me he came to her in a dream and told her he was lost ... “what” really? Yup .. she came and told my husband and I that!!! I was devastated.... the last thing you want to hear is that your child is “lost” in the afterlife. I prayed everyday... sometimes 10 times a day asking for a sign that he was okay. Finally a month later I was sitting at the kitchen table on a bright sunny day looking at the ocean... and a feeling of Skylar overcame me ... enveloped me... and he said “mom... where you are is tiny ... compared to where I am...”! Skylar was not unhappy ... then he was gone! I knew he was okay! Our loved ones are okay. It is sad that some of the people that we relied on are gone.. but we have to look at the present and future ....and remember that we are living!!!

[ericasmom]

Good job Kristin, thank you for sharing that with those so new to this loss. Your encouragement will help. I am 15 years on the road, so I know the sadness and I know that fighting to find your new life is imperative to living again, living well. Yes, with a hole in your heart, but yes, fillling the hole with all the goodness from your Child and from the good things you make happen.

[MargeeTx]

On 9/14/2018 at 2:15 AM, Cheryl, Tony's Mom said:

Tony's son, Joshua and daughter Miranda,

Tony's little brother, Omari

The last one is my Tony, doing what he loved coaching his team

 

Go cowboys!!!!

[MargeeTx]

Dear friends, and Louanne, thnx for asking about my heart issues.  Put it like this.....I rolled from a dead sleep this morning, and my heart rate was 180.  Karma gets the award....I had a cardiologist appt this afternoon. He said my EKG looked good; so no real side effects from the meds.  All of this crap started 2 years ago in Oct, so I will be getting all kinds of tests week after next.  I don't mind the chemical stress test, but I hate the walking one, hooked up like I am ready to be launched on the next SPACE X.  

Was able to talk to Mere for a little while.....she had calmed down considerably.  I gave her my nurse mental health talk... you know the one " we are all so raw, 7 months is nothing in time passing....--and we will make a decision later.  "We as a family will from now on have 'safe' word....if any discussion gets too painful or stuck, anyone can call the word, and the conversation ends right then.... it will be brought up when we all feel better'. She really liked that.

 But, I will probably be in prison..... I am thinking of ways to just Kill my ex.  He texted me this morning and asked why I had "thrown Jason's ashes away.'  Yeah, he is that stoopid and there is no medication for stupidly.  ( he's only been married 11 times since our divorce( we were married 11 years)  He is the salt of the earth, but dumber than a one armed man trying to hang wallpaper. 

Time can be so crewal.... sometimes it barely moves, and than at other times, I lose track of days they go by so fast. Sometimes it is cruel.. sometime a blessing.  

Xxoo margarett

 

 

 

[MargeeTx]

Something pretty.......

[MargeeTx]

Don't see the phots

[Devianz]

Luanne, 

Thank you for asking after me.  No trial yet, they just keep pushing the date and it makes it harder. Sometimes days go by quickly, but sometimes I feel like time almost stops and I'm trapped in a moment I can't get out of. It's all very difficult, especially now when some other things in my life are falling by the wayside. It's easy to start feeling really lonely and sad, but I am trying to practice self-compassion and gratitude to balance out all of the bad stuff. Some days are harder than others.  I don't have much of a support system, as everyone seems to be busy with their life or has gotten tired of me. I exercise now every day just to keep my spirits up, and it really helps. I've lost 75 pounds in the two years that Nathan passed, and I'm finding that the lighter I get, the easier it is to take care of other things in my life. Physically I am doing well, no more illness and I'm off the last of my blood pressure meds. But emotionally, not as much.  I throw myself into my pottery, but with everything else I am juggling sometimes I can't focus and it doesn't go well or isn't productive. The delay of the trial makes things move slower in general, it's very frustrating.  I am going to a new support group tonight, so maybe that will be helpful. 

Margee, 

I don't like stress tests either, especially having to clean up all the residue from the stickers and wires. No fun, but I hope it all goes well for you. Taking care of yourself is really important in the path through grief.  I'm learning that you have to have as much concern for yourself as you would a good friend. So give yourself the same advice a close caring friend would when you are struggling with physical or mental issues and be kind.  You deserve compassion as much as anyone else. Hugs to you. 

[peggy a sad mom]

Hi luanne and everyone else. I haven't been on cause I wanted to see if it helped not to. It doesn't. I have been having a hard time today is 8months and I just can't believe it. Had an argument with my boss today I just can't stand them. Not sure how much longer I can do any of this. I'm wondering why god doesn't let you commit suicide when he knows what you are going through and for me I don't see any happy future. One of my son's customers called him yesterday when I told her he was gone she just started crying. I am just so sad and hurt I want my baby back

[ericasmom]

Margee, I am glad that you and Mere have eased out of the tension, that you agree to a code word to help everyone respect a hard time. Love that idea. i wish you goodness with your stress test. Margee, are you able to post your photos?

Divianz, I am so proud of you to have lost the weight and able to go off blood pressure meds due to your exercise and weight loss. My goodness that is quite a lot of work. I know that emotionally, it takes such a long while to figure out your new life, but you will find your way. I would love to see some of your pottery...if you feel like posting some photos.

Peg, 8 months is far too long to live without your Baby...but you are still here for reasons you don't at this time understand. It is so hard to reconcile why we are still here when our beloved Child is not. I have long said that the first year is the hardest as each month mark  leads toward a one year anniversary. I know that the one year mark is a devastating time, we just can't believe taht tall the firsts are over and that 365 days can be spent without Him...and yet, here we are. We are being cheered on by our Sweeties, they are our biggest cheering squad. They did not plan to be gone early, but they need us to hang out here and find our steps. One day we will understand why so please hang on. I am sorry that your job is a constant source of unhappiness...I know changing jobs is probably not something you can do right now but is it something you can begin to plan for? Is there a way to start looking for jobs  for a future move of employment?

 

[MargeeTx]

Test

[ericasmom]

What in God's name is a reputation rating? Who the heck is doing this to this site? This is not a popularity game, this is real friggin life, this is real loss, we are not here to gain points for who or how many people feel we have assisted them through their terrible losses. I want this to stop right now! And if it does not, I will not waste a minute leaving this place. This place that used to cradle those in grief, this place that brought parents together to hold one another through their hardest days and nights, months and years. This place that used to have a beautiful name that meant so much to us: BEYOND INDIGO which to my broken heart 15 years ago, meant Beyond Blue, and we all were. We were all beyond the blue of sadness, we were BEYOND INDIGO. What the hell is going on with a rating on us?

[NiquesMom]

Where do you see a reputation rating?

[My girl is in heaven]

I think it refers to the number under neath our name?..  Dee is absolutely right. Really....you are giving grieving parents a rating.... and what exactly qualifies you to “rate” a grieving parent.  Kelly, if that’s you, I have sent you two emails about this stupid form that keeps popping up and blocking from getting onto the web site. And no one has answered.  I’m not here as long as some but long enough I have got invaluable help from others here and it is my desire to try and help those newer along if I can.  Allowing people selling fake documents, others who want to use us in studies like guinea pigs.   We aren’t somebody’s homework or science experiment.  Previous this site was run with respect and dignity for those using it.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  I too will leave along with my friends if you don’t clean this up.  I will offer my email for those who still want to communicate, but you are making a mockery of what is the most horrific tragedy that anyone in life can handle.  

[ericasmom]

So VIrginia, it seems there is a number that says +4 under my name down a bit, on Luanne it says +1. I don't know why this is there so clicked on my name and saw that it says something to the effect of rating for helpfulness. Who is doing this? Your name says a 0...

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks dee i do hope some day i will figure it out. i am trying hard now to plan for retirement by april or may next year unless i quit first. i am not perfect in any way and when i do something wrong i will be the first to admit it and i am harder on myself then any one could be to me. however they just seem to try to blame me for everything. i used to take it but not since my son passed i am different and won't put up with their crap. they just think i need them so bad. surprise surprise. 

thanks

peggy

[NiquesMom]

Yeah Dee,  after poking around I found the leader board. Little dismayed. I thought this forum was more considerate.  Seriously considering removing myself from the forum. That's a hard decision because I really feel it helps me.  I have no one else that understands except support group once a month. 

[MargeeTx]

Ok, willl try pictures again.     Still doesn't work.

[ericasmom]

Virgina, did you get a hold of the moderator, Kelly? Many are trying but nobody seems to be getting a response...I would love it if everyone here could stay here and trust that they are able to continue to assist each other in this hard time in our lives...I hope that the managers do some damage control and contact all of us to help us understand what is up here.

Peg, I am so glad that you can plan for retirement, and I so very much understand what you are saying. I used to take so much more than I was able to keep taking after I lost Erica...we realize that our lives are not for others to walk on, to wipe their feet on. We are people with aching parts and we deserve respect and time and some solace. I have very little patience with stupidity than I once had...I used to be a different person where that is concerned, now fairness is what I fight for and what I insist upon.

Margee, when you post a photo, click on the paperclip or go to choose files...then it will show a list of items you may be posting or attaching. You click on that and attach or add, it should come up.

 

 

[MargeeTx]

Dee:   When I do the steps you gave me, I don't get a choice to choose from my photos.  I've probably messed someone up.

[KJs Mommy Always]

Missing my little man,

I haven’t been on in a while. I’ve just been trying to sort through some things in my life. I hate roller coasters at an amusement parks, but the emotional roller coaster is even worse. I used to spend at least 30 minutes looking at my son’s pictures when he was alive because I was so intrigued and proud to be his mommy, and now that’s the only way that I can see him. His 3 months of his passing was on 18 Sep and I laid in bed with his ashes and cried. Thank you for saying that I’m strong..I refused to grieve my miscarriage and I felt guilty about being pregnant again so soon after losing my son. I was hurt more about going through a miscarriage because I’d never had to experience nothing like that. I know it sounds harsh but I had to choose a struggle. I’ve been going through a hard time at work also so I’ve been dosing myself with what I’m going to be sad about just so I won’t flip the hell out! I feel like grieving mothers should be given a pass if we flip out but unfortunately that’s not how the world works. 

[donnamaria]

The weekend is here always a hard time for me boxing and ufc are on tonight and Vikings play tomorrow me and victor use to love the weekends no dialysis no dr appts nice relaxing times i will go to the cemetary later have to pick up a few things at the store come home and i will watch boxing and ufc here and Victor will watch from Heaven and tomorrow Vikings football i will be cheering the team on here and Victor will cheer them on from Heaven i will have on my gear and my Vikings helmet and i will put his on his tray i wish he was here wearing his gear and his  hat on his head cheering on the team with me boy there would be yelling and cheering oh and yes swearing there will probably be all three here on earth but i dont think there's going to be any swearing in Heaven boy i really miss him  this is the lighter he had made for us 

[Tommy's mum]

seriously we now get a reputation rating? What a load of absolute crap. We all come here for support and to offer support to others. Does it matter how long we have been members? Does it matter how many posts we have written? How do they know how many parents we have helped or lives that have been saved? Maybe members should look at alternate sites for support or start a new one for those already here to vote with our feet that these ratings are insulting, defamatory and plainly not necessary

[Mumtogeorge]

This site has been my rock...i may not post regular but oh my..i come here all the time and it helps..more than i can begin to explain...but most of all...it gives me hope..and that is all i have to cling to at the moment.

 I dont know any one on here but i know you understand and "get" the pain..the yearning and all the other horrific emotions we battle every day and for your support and understanding i thank each and every one of you. 

[peggy a sad mom]

please everyone don't leave! maybe we can get this fixed. if we leave and someone starts a new group please make sure i know about it. i'm comfortable here. you get to know every member cause it's not that big. i like that. hey i just helped myself will they give me a point?

[Kelly]

Hi all, 

The leaderboard was turned on not as a judgement but more of an aid. It isn't who much you post, or how many hearts you click, it is about showing some of the people who may be further in their grief journey and who might be a shoulder to lean on. That is it. I took the Leaderboard down since it was causing so much distress. 

The numbers under your name just mean how many hearts, hugs or emoji's you have given. It is not a rating who is best. Just like it shows how many posts have been made. 

Beyond Indigo is my other company. It is a beautiful name but has grown to a size now that it needs to just be a single company that focus on that company. Grieving.com is still something I own but is now in a new company called Back To Zen. 

Many, many people and company's have offered to buy Grieivng.com or want to do strange things with it but I have always said no because this is a safe place for you all. You may not see me out there watching over this forum as much in the past but I have been. I am glad it has been a great resource for you all. 

My Girl In Heaven - I never received your emails. I just sent you a message that should appear as a notice at the top of your screen where the envelope is, please let me know if you didn't receive it. 

Kelly

[Kelly]

And FYI, you always can reach me by email me at grieving@getbacktozen.com or through the email at the top of the forums. We also have a we love to hear from you forum at the top. We can easily turn off the leaderboard if it isn't assisting as it is suppose to.

Kelly

[My girl is in heaven]

Why on earth would anyone think the number of or the fact there are any hearts, hugs, or emojis be an indicator to someone new , how helpful they might be.  They are a nice finishing touch, but a zillion of them doesn’t affect how a grieving parent feels.  And all of our posts old and new are crammed pack full of love and hugs and concern, with every word we say.  How could you possibly think a happy face at the end of a post is of help to anyone.  TAKE YOUR RATING SYSTEM DOWN. I hope you can see how deeply offended we all are.  And whatever this “jump to content...Brain quizz thing”, take me off it. I have spent hours clicking on everything to get off it, and I can’t.  Then I can’t get onto the website til it disappears.  I will stay for now only because I hope that I can give a little bit of comfort and hope to those newer on this horrible journey.  And you have to remember we are not all tech savvy and don’t all understand when you just change things or send out these quizz forms.  And just so you know...we all , old or new or anywhere in between rate an absolute 10/10 cause we are all still here and holding the lantern for each other 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[MargeeTx]

I don't give up.....still no go.  I will reboot everything and see if that works.

[MargeeTx]

Ok.  Here goes nothing......it isn't working.  I will go by the Apple Store next week.  Strange that I only had problems after that one time of access that I had. 

I haven't changed anything with my photos so who knows what is going o.

The poor guys and gals at Apple will pull their nose hairs out- one at a time.

[MargeeTx]

And, BTW...... ROLLTIDE!

[Somersky]

Dee yesterday at 12:24 there was your post and if you look at the bottom right at the end of it you can see a face emoticon someone posted? It also looks like another type of rating? I’m confused.

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

WOW, I just saw the reputation rating.  This is total BS!!!!   

My friends if you leave please reach out to me at sasymeme@gmail.com.  I can not and would not have made it this far in my journey without any of you.  

it seems even in people's grief, business come first.  Really I see no reason even to keep up the number of posts a person has made either.  

Cheryl

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

I always wondered what the "bullets" under your name represent.  Does anyone know...

 

 

[Somersky]

I think the rating is gone now.  

[Somersky]

hope it gets fixed