Loss of an Adult Child

[westleysmom]

Dee and Sherry and Betty,

I can't believe after all this time I got something in my e-mail that let me sign on again.  For the longest, my computer wouldn't let me come to the website and now it is, even if just for a little while.  I think of you all and am so grateful for the love and advice in the early years.  It is still hard of course and I miss him but things get different after a time, don't they?  Love and hugs to you all and the others from that dark time.  I hope you all are well.  Love to you all.

Rhonda

[Missing my little man]

I went group meeting today. It was nice to see familiar faces (the therapist) they are always soo nice and kind. I relived that again it hurts just as much as it was. I hear people often say it will hurt less, but nope not me. If anything it hurt more it's been a year still hurts like it was yesterday.

[MargeeTx]

Dearest group:  thank you for being here.  I am amazed that so many of you have been here for years.... that by itself gives me hope that survival is possible.  I know my life will never be the same, but I will be able to live.  

I have figured out that I am REALLY depressed. I barely have any interests other than 'napping'. I don't care how I look, I don't want to do anything and I have always been one of those always doing something type people.  I am giving my dear Mikey one word answers, no desire for conversation, and my Lord, nothing else.  About 25 years ago, I was working in a psychiatric hospital....went through a stupid divorce....and I saw a therapist for a few months.  She taught me a lot of coping skills...I am going to set up the old journal and make some self regulations.  I will explain more later.  

Ok, I am going to go out, get nekkid, put some favorite music on, and get in the hot tub.  I ALWAYS FEEL BETTER AFTER THAT.

more soon,

ooxx margarett 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[peggy a sad mom]

Hi everyone I am away without WiFi si I haven't been reading. I just got a free hour I came to you guys. Today is my son 45 birthday. First one in heaven. I thought I would be ok but I'm not. I miss him so much it's just a gloomy day. I guess it doesn't matter where you are. It's almost 9 months it's so hard

[daveydow1]

HI   TO   ALL   INDIGOS. 

Rhonda------Hello !   So very glad to see your post.  I have thought about you and your

dear Westley often and wondered how you are doing.  While I know that  this lousy road

we're on is not an easy one,.....it always helps to know that there are others who truly

understand the way it is......ups & downs,  roller coaster hills and plunges.  I hope that

you are doing ok, and know that your life changed when your son died, and will not be

the same again......as with all of us here who plod ahead.  There have been times when

this site has been problematic for people to sign on....even when they have been long-time

members of BI.  There was  (and is)  glitches in the system from time to time.  When it happens

to me, I just leave it alone for a time, and when I come back.....then it seems ok.  My computer

is getting older, so that could be the problem. Guess I should start thinking of replacing it

sometime soon, but hesitate, because it seems a hassle for me when considering a new one.

Take care, and PEACE  to you, my friend.

 

WISHING   TRANQUILITY AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

[daveydow1]

Margee-----I applaud your determination to get up & get going.....to start back 

with journaling, listen to music, and get in the hot tub....as a way to fight off

the depression.  I, too, have had to tell myself to  'get going'....had to be stern

with myself to get motivated.   It's NOT easy.....never is.....but it does help in it's

way.  Wishing you peace.

[daveydow1]

Peggy----I feel for you on this sad day.....your dear son's birthday....the first

one in Heaven.  Yes, it makes the day 'gloomy' no matter what the weather,

or anything else.  The day we brought our dear babies into the world is always

remembered.  May your son send you a sign, so that you feel some warmth

on this day, and that your memories are yours to keep and cherish.  Peace to you.   

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

[peggy a sad mom]

thank you sherry! susan i still don't know if leaving this world is a good thing or a bad thing. i know you know now i hope you are at peace i am sure you are. i have to ask for you to check up on our child til we get there! god be with her and the rest of us

thanks

peggy

[ericasmom]

Peggy, there are no easy ways or days the first two years on this sad road...but you are doing it. You are making your way the best way you can. The first heavenly birthday was a very hard day, My Girl loved her birthday, loved gifts and the celebration of it all. Now though, and since that first one, I still love her birthday, and I celebrate it as one of the most beautiful dates on the calendar, the other being my Son's. So as you get through it, I hope you know and I hope you feel your Boy nearby. He is rooting for you Peg.  As far as Susan being in her new home in heaven, I miss her terribly but I know that she is more than fine, just like our Babies.

Margee, get that journal going. I find mine to be a life saver and have been journaling for a long time, long before my Girl died, and that is over 15 years now. Depression sucks but at least you recognize it and so that alone is going to help you fight your way out and into the world.

Rhonda, wow, so good to see you. I don't come as I used to, at over 15 years now, I am glad to help when I can, but we oldies like to see  the newer folks take on the lifting of others and I see it happening. I have less ability and time right now, school year is super busy and I am with grandies a lot so I cannot follow up as I used to. How are you Rhonda? How have you been finding your steps after these many years.

Virginia, making plans is something that I know makes your Girl so happy, I know it because she will be there with you, she will be taking that trip with you and her little Bro. It is going to suck no matter where you are, but it will begin to suck less as years go by. I remember our trip to NYC with Erica, it was fabulous, she LOVED it, she wanted to learn how to hail a cab like in the movies, so she did, and she felt so big! (she was 14 or 15). Funny cause she and I had hailed cabs downtown in Chicago, but she wanted to be in a place she saw in movies. Funny Girl. I miss her, and I will miss her forever, but when I went back to NYC, or anywhere I went that I had been with Erica, I felt her there, smiling up a storm, letting me know that she is sitting on my left shoulder, just near my heart, taking in all that I was seeing. She will always be with you and while that isn't enough right now, one day you will take such comfort in knowing and feeling this. I promise.

[Tinay]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone. I haven't left. I read often. I am saddened by the loss of a member. Mixed emotions for her really. Fought with the brother I was closest to. Probably won't be talking to him again. He said a lot of hurtful things and I returned the favor. Anyway, I hope and pray for peayand love to all. 

Love

Tina

[peggy a sad mom]

tina sorry about your brother but i know it happens. i know of the mixed emotions about susan i hope she is just so happy!

dee i love to see you on the weekends i know you are so busy with work. 

virginia funny i'm from ny and just got back from florida yesterday. i thought i needed to be away on my son's first birthday away ( i still can't say it to often) it didn't help i was still so upset but i do understand from here it all takes time

peggy

[ericasmom]

Oh Peggy, it is good to have a minute to stop in...Happy Heavenly Birthday to your Sweet and Wonderful Son. No, it does not help to get out of town, but it probably didn't hurt either...

Tinay, yes, I haven't spoken to one of my brothers for 3 years...he is a drug addict and has a heart filled by prejudice so I just can't be around that kind of negativity. While it is sad, it is something that happens, we have less patience for bullshit after losing a Child. No time for it. We draw the line so much faster than we would have in the past and that is okay cause we need to take care of our souls...our spirits.

[MissingMyCJ]

The emptiness seems to be only increasing as the days pass. I haven't been on much lately because I have been just MISERABLE. I just go to work and go straight home so that I don't have to keep the fake smile on longer than I have to.  I have changed medication again in hopes to get some relief from this agony. My doctor is very patient and kind, she has suggested therapy since day 1 and I haven't followed her advice. But, today I will go to her personal therapist that she highly recommended. I know that it's a start but feeling very anxious about going.  

[peggy a sad mom]

missingmycj my son passed jan 20th 2018 its almost 9 month's  i am still in a black hole but i do see some light through out the day when there is lot's going on. i miss him so much i think my biggest fear is that he misses me too. i know what we are told to believe in but sometimes it's not so easy. he was my world always kept me going. we did so much together. i come home from work eat shower watch tv then fall asleep. wasn't like that things were different 9 months ago. this is my new and probably forever life. until the next one i hope!

dee nice to see you

peggy

[KJs Mommy Always]

Hi everyone,

its been a couple of weeks but I’m here. Today is Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and I wouldn’t have known anything about this day existing if it weren’t for losing my own child. I never thought in a million years that I’d be one to join others in this heart wrenching journey but here I am. I lit a candle and my family and I spoke about KJ and I could barely speak because I miss him so much. He would have been 1 next month and it’s just another heartbreaking date that’s creeping up. A date that holds empty promises for the future..a date that I just knew I’d be sharing with my only baby boy. I miss everything about him. I’ll always honor him and my love will grow for him every day until I take my last breath and have him in my arms again. 

[ericasmom]

Peg, so good to see you being able to add some light to the lives of others here...even in your dark pain, you see an edge of light...Keep on finding your way Sweet Woman.

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

Peggy, 

Sorry I missed your  angel's born day.   Happy heavenly Birthday CJ.  Send your mom a big hug and smile this month!  Peggy you will feel his arms around you and see his smile. He knows how much you miss him and how much you love him.  I know birthdays are hard and here come the holidays.  We are all still here for you.

 

Cheryl, Tony's Mom

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks cheryl the day was actually worse then i thought. i thought it wasn't so bad leading up to it i will be ok but no i wasn't. i'm still not. 4 more days till 9 months about the amount of time we waited for them to be born. wow unreal! i haven't listened to the radio in the car all this time but it's always on at work. don't know about that christmas music. people at work hug me and stop to talk if they see i'm crying. i try not to cry i would rather save it for home but it happens

thjanks

peggy

[Mymy31i]

Hi all,

I posted for the first (and only) time about two months ago. I lost my 24-year-old daughter in May. I read your messages at the time, but I was in such a dark place, responding seemed impossible. I really do appreciate the responses I received. I am so sorry for everyone who is living with the unimaginable. I have not posted, but I have read some of the posts and I keep telling myself that if all of you are continuing to push through each day, I can too. Many times, it has meant the difference between giving up and moving forward. 

My daughter was murdered. For the first time last month, I was in a courtroom with the family of the being that took her from me. His mother was so angry that I did not thank her for holding my child's head after she was shot, that she started to yell. She and the rest of their family had to be escorted from the courtroom. On her way out, she yelled to me, "Ask your daughter what she did to my son." Ugh. I would love to be able to ask my daughter anything. Just anything. 

[My girl is in heaven]

Hi everyone.  Sorry have had a very difficult time getting on here but seems like it is working now I hope.

 

Dearest Peggy.  Your boys first birthday in heaven.  And he was surrounded by all our angels here. I know our kids hang out together, watching thier mamas holding each other’s hands.  And if you cry no matter at work, the grocery store, where ever, that’s ok.  Tears are good, it gives us a release to let out some of our pain. I know you and others here are coming up to your first Christmas, and I guess there in the states your first thanksgiving without your babies.  It will be difficult, still is for me after seven years, but you will take on each and everyday and trod thru, but never, ever alone dear friend, you are never alone.  Hugs.   

Lou..Kira’s mama

 

Mymy31.  I am so so sorry for your loss and now having to endure a trial. I can’t imagine how painful that must be.  I hope they continue to take that woman out of the court room.  Do you know how long the trial will last.  If you want maybe come here each day and let it out...lean on all of us here.  Let us be your rock whenyour in a hard place.  Be gentle with yourself....you are doing the best you can, in the worst tragedy that any human can endure. 

Lou....Kira’s mama

 

Cheryl, how have you been.  How are those grand babies. You have so many loving people in your life,but we know if we had a million, we would always have an ache for the rest ne missing. Hugs

Lou...Kira’s mama

 

 

[ericasmom]

Oh Mymy, I am so sorry that yu had to endure that kind of upheavel when in fact it was you who lost your Girl...Your Beautiful Daughter. I am so sad for your ache. Do keep reading as it does show you the way sometimes, and it does allow you to see that you can find your way, though it is a hard way, it is still the road that your Girl would want you to stay on...to live your best life as you are able, to stand in her light and live it strong for her if for no other reason.

CJ's Mom- I do believe that the emptiness does grow that first year, it grows and leaves you feeling like life is harder rather than ever as you go through the months...the first year is the very hardest time, it won't become easy...it will however change and become manageable and there will be light and laughter again one day. You will find your purpose again which I know helps a great deal. We will hold you as you and all the others new to this terrible loss struggle to find your bearings.

[My girl is in heaven]

KJs mommy.  I know what you mean about not ever thinking you would be a part of this club..the one where you pay the highest dues in the world and one we can never get out of.  And yes thier birthday and angel date are always difficult..but usually the days leading up to are worse then the actual day and then after the day passes, grief starts to loosen its grip ever so slightly. But bring your sadness and grief here...it’s is unburdening even just for a moment.  Hold onto n. 

Lou...Kira’s mama

Missing my CJ... it is important to find a good therapist.  And if you don’t click with one, move on and find another one who works for you. I have had to change medications many times, but took seven years to get the right ones.  It can be a long road of trial and error but worth the wait.  Remember, you can always come here and talk, no trained therapists here, but we have a sense of understanding that nobody can get unless they walk in our shoes.  Good luck with therapy. 

Lou.....Kira’s mama

Tina.  Nice to hear from you.  Yes, difficult when siblings don’t understand. ..I so believe that DNA has nothing to do with who  is good to be in your life.  How is Grayson and the new job working out.

Lou..Kira’s mama 

Devianez...any date set for trial yet.  Holding you tight as you must go thru this time.  Hugs

Lou...Kira’s mama

Virgina..hope u were not impacted by the hurricane.  And it is ok to make, plans, go on trips, it is necessary cause life marches on no matter how much we feel it can’t possibly.

Lou..Kira’s mama

Margee....that is what grief does to us.  It robs us of our will to do even the most basic of things, to participate or enjoy even a moment here and there.  And unfortunately we have to march right thru the middle of grief, no side stepping it.  But just remember when you are in the bottom of that hole, losing a child is the lowest the hole can go, you can’t get any deeper. So you gotta crawl out, and every time you do, you get just a little big stronger.  Hugs

Lou.....Kira’s mama

 

[peggy a sad mom]

lou you are great thanks for listening and taking the time to answer us one at a time. i can't imagine going to court for my child and the other family does not have any compassion. at least if you feel that way just keep it to yourself. everyone hurts over our child leaving us but i sure wish i could get a call with mine or get a letter from him and hey i wish i could visit him in jail. no i go into his room and rub his cold urn and tell him how much i miss him love him and anything else i could say and not know if he hears me will we reunite or was january 20th the last time i ever laid eyes on him. i'm sorry i just can't imagine someone saying do you know what your daughter did to my son. all i know is he is alive that's what we all know. mymy31 i hope you know we are with you a million percent. wish we could all go to court with you. hang in there. justice will be done

peggy

[My girl is in heaven]

Here are a few things I want you to all tell yourself.  It took me years to do this, don’t let it take years for you friends.

 

As I progress through my grief journey, I will love myself enough to respectfully remove those people, events, and places that do not support my healing and proactively replace them with ones that do.  

 

Only trust someone who can see these three things in you:

the sorrow behind your smile, the love behind your anger, and the reason behind your silence.

 

Stop planting flowers in peoples gardens who aren’t  going to water them.

 

May you all know your flowers will be watered here.

 

Lou...Kira’s mama

 

 

 

 

 

[Skay]

On 10/11/2018 at 7:45 AM, NiquesMom said:

I am feeling a lot of guilt for making plans. And i know thats silly, Nique would want us to keep going forward, but its still there.  Last night I made plans and bought plane tickets to take my son to NY for christmas.  He is so excited, and I want him to enjoy it, but I also feel guilty.  I took Nique to NY for her 10th birthday, and it was one of her favorite trips.  Mine too.  We always talked about going back when her brother was a little older.  Thought she would go with us.  So feeling bad for planning a vacation while I am still sad.  And it comes out as anger.  Her anniversary date is 12/21 and I told my husband its going to suck no matter where we are, so maybe if I try to keep myself busy by being out and doing things it wont be as bad.

NiquesMom, I understand the guilt you're feeling. I don't want to put up any holiday decorations. I don't want to carve pumpkins, make Thanksgiving dinner or celebrate Christmas. My son can't be here so why should we do it?  I'm doing it for my daughter. I just wanted to say that I understand. It will be four months tomorrow that I lost my son. I imagine we will always feel some sort of guilt carrying on without them

 

[Tinay]

Louann..I'm still at the same job. I'm trudging through. I have to keep thinking...I'll be gone soon. I can hold on.

My mom says....that's what alcoholics do. I guess..I'll drop it with him. 

Now, I'm searching for a neurosurgeon to operate on my son. I have to call tomorrow and do an appointment and go from there. He's on some meds and I have to watch him closely. So hard. I know this needs to be done. Just hard. Especially when I'm at work  and can't be with him. 

[peggy a sad mom]

today is 9 months since i spoke to my son. tomorrow is 9 months since i found him in his room. at times it seems a little easier but when it's not it's not. the pure torture we go through. i had two separate dreams about my son and mom. my son had turned around and walked away at dinner time and i just screamed and screamed for him then woke up. my mom was in the bathroom with a present in her hand standing in front of the door with it slightly open. she never looked at or nothing she looked sad. neither one of these dreams were a sign for me not to worry they are happy. i wish i could have better dreams. also wish i could sleep more.

thanks

peggy

[ericasmom]

Peg, sometimes the dreams like those are you trying to work through the myriad of loss. One day some sweeter dreams will come. Nine months is a long long time to not be with your Child...one day of them gone is one day too much. Nothing easy about it. I am sending prayers and hope your way, that you have some sense of your Son's peace, so that moving forward does not make you wonder if he is okay...a strong knowing in your heart that he is really good.

SKAY, I am sorry about the loss you are facing. Again, one day is too long, so 4 months is crazy, I know. I come back here to just let you newer on this road that you will find your footing, you will find your way, one day you will not hurt as you do now and when that softer sense of things come, there should be no guilt, because our KIDS want the most for us. They are our biggest cheerleaders.

Tinay, what kind of surgery is your Son needing? I am sorry that on top of so much, you are dealing with your Son facing surgery. Prayers.

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks dee i need you

 

[ericasmom]

I am here Peg, so just let your thoughts free here...

[NiquesMom]

Today is 10 months,  and I feel peaceful.  We just got back from a small vacation, took my son to Tampa bay to go to Busch gardens. This morning we went to Clearwater beach and it was beautiful. I missed nique but I did not cry

[Missing my little man]

Tomorrow morning will be one year you you left me my little man. I cry everyday my love life without you in my life is like a knife in my heart.

[ericasmom]

missing little man...one year is a knife in your heart...and when the firsts are no longer the firsts, one has to adjust their lives to a time frame that does not make sense, but in many ways, I feel that year 2 will unfold in ways that you find how far you have come...your Little One is rooting for his Mommy. God Bless you Little Man, may all of our Angels surround you and hold you and nurture you.

Virginia, I am glad that you went away for a bit and that at 10 months you could feel some peace. Good for you. Remember that even if you do not feel this way tomorrow, you know that feeling this way is a possibility, and that is the key...knowing that you can feel this again.

[My girl is in heaven]

Missing my little man. Holding you close today as your boys angel date is here. And I myself found the first year the most difficult. For sure the knife will sting deep today.  Usually the days leading up are generally more difficult than the actual day, but indeed it will be a hard one.  Tomorrow grief will loosen its grip ever so slightly and you wil somehow keep trudging thru.  In this past year a very thin scar has formed over your heart, but there are always things that will tug at it, but none the less it is still healing.  Be open to look for any little signs your boy may sprinkle down on you today.   We are all holding your hands.

Hugs...Lou....Kira’s mama

 

Tina, oh dear...what is going on with Grayson?  Please let us know what the drs say.  I hope it is nothing serious.  So you got the phone job but not started yet.  And you got new neighbours by now I hope.  Keep us update about Grayson.  

 

Lou...Kira’s mama

 

Peggy. Yes 9 months ..difficult for sure.  We tend to relive each horrible moment, and torment ourselves  with the what if’s. I used to tell my it is just a date on the calendar, I did not have her the day before or the day after , but still we have to pause and embrace that day, but let it loosens its grip each day afterwards.  I have had some dreams of my girl, none particular good, but I had a wonderful experience of somehow hearing her on the 7th year anniversary this year.  So you will get some good feeling from your boy, we never know when or where , but we will know they are letting us know, they are ok.  Keep on holding on, lean on us as hard as you want here, because we will be the unwavering rock for you dear.  

 

Lou.....Kira’s mama

 

virgina...so nice you had a beautiful day with Kyle.  Embrace, enjoy them.  We all know there will be things to pull you back down again, but you rise and know you will have other good days like the one you had.  You only have this moment your in, this day, so I am glad u had a good one.

 

Lou.....Kira’s mam

 

Skay...the holidays are very rough for sure.  I can tell you the guilt of even feeling the sun shining weighs heavy.  I’m 7 years in.but I stopped listening to music, showering, socializing, going for a walk, was eating poorly when I ate at all.  I curled up in a ball and said to hell with life.....if my daughter cant enjoy anything too then I didn’t want to either. But it is just self punishment...and it doesn’t make you a better griever , that you loved your child more, it just doesn’t.  So have those moments that come to you, but don’t stick with them, cause we have nothing to feel guilty about by partaking in life again.  

 

Lou...Kira’s mama

 

Devianez....still waiting for date.  Hold on

Lou,,Kira’s mama

 

Margee, KJs mommy, piece of Cate, and all you other newbies, let us know how you are doing.  

 

Lou..Kira’s mama

 

 

[rlolheiser]

Finally got back on the internet.  I have been trying to log in for some time but haven't been able to remember my password and I had a wrong email in there.. so I just kinda gave up.  Now that I am at home again I tried again, and like magic it popped up :-)   I have stopped at the library several times and have kept up with the reading pretty much, just as usual I am not much of a talker.  

It is good to see familiar names.. and so sad to see that the site has so many new members.   My heart has been here for you all.  I know yours pathway since the loss of your angels have be hard, and words don't always help..  at times nothing does..  we are all told with time it gets easier.. but somedays it doesn't.  I guess what I have found this last last 12 years is just to do what my angel would want of me, I try to make her proud of me..  and most days I would say she is.  So hard to believe she was only 10 years old and 12 years later I still miss her like crazy...  still have the what if's in life.. and the wants...   and the tears..     

I can't complain.. it isn't right of me.. so many more people have it a lot worse..   I see that when I read of our dear friend Susan, she was something else, and I mean that in a good way.  I hope and pray that her family remains strong and know she is still looking after them as JaBoa is still looking after me.

The last year and a half I have had 6 surgeries and I hope to be done, but I am so afraid we aren't.  My hernia doesn't want to remain healed.  But I am happy to say I have lost 140 lbs..  and still kicking..  still fighting with my oh so messed up family..  still loving the great grands and looking forward to the next one in January.  I still have the sadness that I will never see JaBoa's children...  but then again..  I imagine sadness like that never totally goes away.

I still have JaBoa's sister here.  She is a junior this year and such a love...  she is so different from so many teenagers I have known.. she still has that gentle touch of a child and sets next to me holding my hand and laying her head on my shoulder..   She is totally caught up in school and will graduate next year with her class.   It took so much work to do and I give her the credit..  she worked hard,  many times she wanted to quit, cried to quit.. but I want her to graduate so bad..  she teases me and tells me when she is 18 she will quit that will be just short of 2 months to graduation...   I tell her if she does her and I won't get along to well...  I think she just likes to hear me give her the speech of how far she has come with so much sorrow in her life and how proud her sister would be of her..  We have come such a long way.

My husband and I are still separated, he had a stroke, he is ok.. a little harder for him to get around, and he is slightly more mean.  Our son lives with me now though and I am happy.  He just got is license the other day and that brings so many new worries..  sometimes I think life was made just to worry...  why do we worry when there is so little we can anything about.  I just try to be the best me I can be and love all my family.. even the problems in life...  because it is all a gift  and we aren't guaranteed what we get to do with it.

Dee..  I think of you often, I see you have been so very busy..  you are very loved

Shery..  I also have enjoyed your words of wisdom throughout the years you have helped me get my feet on the ground.

Colleen, Kate, Lou, names I can't remember but are no less part of my life (my memory has been struck by so many surgeries.. very short term)  but I never forget you..  your in my heart..  always will be..   As for all you new people.. so happy you found the site.  even though I don't know you or you know me..  I think we all touch one another's soul somehow and I thank you all.

I won't write a lot.. from time to time...   the 30th is coming and it hurts... but this year I get to take 3 little rugrats out trick or treating and I only hope JaBoa is watching 

God Bless you all

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks lou!

missing my little man i'm thinking of you. hope the day went somewhat easy for you

peggy

[Missing my little man]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayer. I spend the day with my niece, when i spend time with her it feels as if my son is my son is smiling throught her. As she and my little man is close in age 9 months apart.

[ericasmom]

Leah, oh Leah, so good to see you here today, I thought of you as you come close to JaBoa's date...I know that you will forever hold her close, not a day goes by without her love on your heart...but wonderful news that you will take 3 kids trick or treating...what a great Grammy you are. I am sorry for 6 surgeries, goodness knows taht this takes its toll, but at the same time, that you lost 140 pounds and are healthier for it. My prayers go with you Dear Friend...all the time.I am especially proud of JaBoa's sister and how you and she have found the way to this point where she can feel so proud of her accomplishments. You hold that hand for me, tell her hooray for her.

Peace-

 

[Onedayonemother]

Second Anniversary Of My Princess Cynthia's Journey!

Cynthia, my daughter, friend and confidant, two years today you departed from us. It seems like yesterday we were talking on the phone. You were telling me about your new job and all the strange things happening in politics, new menu from Indian cuisine, how your new car drives so good, the new tea pot your just bought and how I should continue using your gym membership card to workout.
I cancelled the membership after you departed and just started walking around the neighborhood and hiking to keep fit. 

Your siblings took over what you left behind. THANK YOU for that Cynthia. A lot has happen since you left. Where should I start?
Just want to inform you of all the hard work your siblings are doing to keep your memories alive. 
Marilyn is striving at work. She created a Scholarship fund on your name.Today a young lady is attending school because of you. 
Darwin is attending school in Europe and very determine to succeed in his new career.
Emmarah is an honor student and looking forward to becoming a Geneticist. 

As for me, I am getting better everyday, I thank Jehovah God for his protection, kindness, wisdom and love. Cynthia, without him I couldn’t be able to survive. 

I wore your gray jacket on today and it still have your smell. It made me smile just because I smell your beautiful scent on it. Everyday, I give thanks to God for allowing us to spend all those precious moments, traveling, sharing text messages, voicemail, photos and WhatsApp chats etc. Loving you is all we have. Keeping your memories alive will be my duty till we meet again my PRINCESS.

 

Love You Cyn,

Your Mum D

http://onedayonemother.com

 

[ericasmom]

What a beautiful Young Woman Cynthia is MumD. I know that you are proud of all the ways she has shown you the way...prayers and hope are yours.

[Missing my little man]

She is beautiful Cynthia.

[MargeeTx]

Well, so far I have written 2 half pages in the journal.  I can remember when I was utilizing it thru the divorce, I would write pages ad pages. Yesterday I realized I am on a new diet- a Butterfinger candy bar, and it was forced.  My doctor will have my butt if thisss keeps up.   Remember, i am nearly 6 feet tall and I  need to weigh more than 108. 

It seems I KNOW coping skills.....I just don't give a ****.

[peggy a sad mom]

cynthia is very beautiful i am so sorry! 

margaret i lost thirty pounds in 9 months me and my son would eat together every night and have a snack. i guess it was six months when everyone kept telling me i need to eat. i would say i'm not being rude i swear but why? i mean who cares. no desire and if i ever desire it again i'll eat if not i won't. 

don't know what the future holds.

peggy

[ericasmom]

No Peg, we just don't know...folks are concerned when you lose someone so special and then you lose a lot of weight, it is their way of letting you know that they want you to find a way to live...they are just showing that they care, but yes, many of us thought the same...but why would we need to take better care of ourselves? I hope that you can , keep- on- Keepin' -on.

May you feel the love and deep devotion from your Son.

[Missing my little man]

Somedays i just want to cry the whole day and do nothing. Somedays i can't wait to get out off work,  and start crying. Sometimes i barley make it to my car. I can feel my tears when I'm at the time clock.

[daveydow1]

HELLO  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.   I'm so sorry to see new parents here, and wish

there was something to say that could help,  but I guess sometimes there

are no words.  Please come back to this site where everyone knows, firsthand,

the sorrow of losing a beloved child.

 

Missingmylittleman-------I, so know what you mean about being at work and needing

to hold it all together, and just thinking how long it will be until you can leave and

let your sorrow out by crying.  I did the same when my son died.  I would be watching the

clock.....and when I could leave work, then the tears fell like a cascade. It must be the same

for you, missing your baby. I guess the sorrow comes out sooner or later, and can only be

held in for so long.  Wishing you peace

 

Virginia----So glad that you were able to take that trip to Fla.  Your son must have really enjoyed

it, and I think you were wise to go ahead with the plans for the trip.  Take care.

 

Leah------thanks for your kind words. So glad to see your post.  I, too, have had problems getting

on the site from time to time,  but it might be my older computer's difficulty......who knows? 

Yes, I so understand the way the time passes.....sort of a 'time warp', when we count up the years

from when our darlings passed;  and how old they would have been if they were still with us.  To

think that little Jaboa would be an adult now....moving on with her life must be so sad. My baby, Lisa,

and son, Davey, would now be in their 40's.   Too hard to imagine, really.  Time stands still for them

when they passed, but for all of us, ......time marches on.  The vast difference in those two points can vex

the mind, really, and I just try to stop thinking about it.....not easy,  I know.  Sending prayers for your

health.  You are a 'fighter', for sure, and I mean that as a true compliment.  So glad that your granddaughter

is doing well at school,  and happy living with you.  Young people help us with their upbeat outlooks and

enthusiasm. May you find comfort somehow, as Jaboa's day approaches.   Peace to you,  friend.

 

Onedayonemother------I'm sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Cynthia.  She is such a beautiful young

lady. Thanks for posting her pic.  It's nice to put a face to a name on this site.  Please come back.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

     

[peggy a sad mom]

i know dee i'm trying thanks

missing you sound alot like me. i punch that time clock and zoom to my car

peggy

[Missing my little man]

Thanks devy.

Peggy i feel like that most of the time. 

[MargeeTx]

Hey y'all: ( did that sound TEXAN enough?!?!) Life continues.....I am noticing that I feel really weird most of the time.  I easily identify with most of y'all's symptoms and feelings.  I will read something and think " I know exactly what she means". I still have not had a dream about Jason.  I dream a lot but it is mostly about work.  It is beginning to feel "fall-ish" here.  I have a lot of cleanup and dividing/transplants to get done.... I prefer to get it done before our first frost.... the plants turn slimy when they freeze. Now everything needs to dry out some from the recent 20+ inches of rain we got the past couple of weeks.  Ever tried to keep a bichon's feet clean?  It is nearly un-do-able.  The picture posted was beautiful. Cynthia has a lot of love in her eyes.  God knew that I would not be able to work after Jason died and I still worked 50 years. I so admire all of you who are still managing to work.  It takes so much strength to be around people all day.( it did for me) I am going to REALLY try to get showered and alillte makeup everyday.  I look like i am trying out for a zoomby .  Mike likes all those TV shows..... I can't stand them. Do any you watch them?

ok, I have rambled senselessly long enough.  Thank you all for being here.

[NiquesMom]

Margee,

My husband likes to watch all that, but I find myself feeling bad for anyone who dies in a movie anymore.  Even the bad people, because they have parents or family that will be sad.  Even the cartoons make me cry.  I watched Mama Mia 2, and lost it at the end.  Anyone who has seen it knows what I am talking about, when the daughter is singing to the mother.

 

Cynthia is so beautiful!  My daughter always wanted her hair to look like that, but we could never get it t work, so eventually she just cut it all off (it was maybe only an inch long).  ook time for me to get used to it but it was curly and cute.

 

Missing:  I cry most mornings on the way to work because that is the time i talk to my daughter.  Afternoons tend to be better.  I no longer have to go to my car to cry during the workday, but I did a lot of that the first 6 months.  Sometimes zi would take my break, go to my car, and cry and scream and for 10 minutes.  Then I went back inside, sometimes letting the pressure off just a little like that helped the rest of the day go day smoother.  I didn't care if I was puffy eyed, and they all knew I was crying.  They do not understand this terrible pain that is our new normal.  You do you, whatever you need to make it through another day without our kids.