Loss of an Adult Child

[Somersky]

Glad someone got to the bottom of it... thank you 

[Somersky]

[Somersky]

I would but don’t know how

[Somersky]

I hope everyone has a good night!!!!!

[peggy a sad mom]

I wrote to Kelly she is taking it down. Read back she wrote to us

Thanks

Peggy

[Somersky]

That’s good! Really it makes me sad to know there was judgement ... made me think twice about coming back but honestly i have no where to go where anyone understands. Everyone here is honest and authentic.....

[My girl is in heaven]

Good, we were heard.  Hope it’s fixed.  

Peggy....I have asked myself too why god doesn’t just let us go now, so we can be with our kids.  We have our work to finish here on earth first , even if we might not always know what that work is.  Maybe it’s just so we can hold each other up, those of us who walk this sad journey.  But also remember, time in heaven is not measured like here on earth, no days, months , years.  It is infinity, and when ever our time comes, our angels will be waiting right there for us.  We need to finish our work here.  In the beginning where you are, you will get panicked and desperate to find some solace, you will try every avenue you can.  And that’s ok.  Where ever you can get even a tiny bit of hope to cling to that’s ok.  I hope u keep coming here.  Cause we all understand here and will always be holding your heart and hands. Hugs.

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

KJs mommy.  Yes your right, grieving parents should be able to flip out, but no the world doesn’t give us a pass on anything.  Have you still put in for a transfer, I hope u get it soon.  I know dosing yourself, takes you out of your pain now and again, but please go to a dr. To get medication that can h .  Take it from me, I was very highly doped up on prescription drugs for 6 years.  And yeah, got me thru the days and nights, but i finally realized that I couldn’t hide from it, cause grief will always be right there staring you in the face. So that’s why we have to go straight thru the middle.  You are still so fresh to your loss, but rest assured you are doing the very best you can.  Let us know what’s going on with your job.  Hugs

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks luanne as alway's. you should have a ten just for me. only kidding! i do believe in eternity with your loved ones i only have a problem with life... i am married my husband who is not my son's father tries his best. but as we all know this is the worse thing that could happen to anyone and no one can heal our hearts only try to soothe them if and when possible. i know it's still early for me but i really cannot think of anything that would make me be happy with just waiting around to see him again. i hope i do find a purpose cause i need one. 

thanks

peggy

luanne your the best

[donnamaria]

well managed to go through a couple small totes today tomorrow im going to try and go through one of those plastic things with drawers trying to keep myself busy well my vikings didnt do to good yesterday i told Victor that i was doing enough swearing and yelling for the both of us boy do i miss him waiting to get a ride to the cemetary i dont like when i dont get there so hopefully i will get there today is my parents 63rd anniversary im sure they are celebrating in Heaven just trying to get through another day like all of us i take it second by second 

[Missing my little man]

Wow, i haven't been able to here in awhile.  Let me just say wow. I would hope this is not popularity contest. We are all bereavement parent,  and i would hoped that we as a group would band together, lend on each other and lifts each other not for the sake of who is more popular. Leave that to the hight kids we are grown adult, more matured than that.

Anyway today's been a bad day for me. I have to deal with my emotional self. Not a days go by that I don't think of my little man. Everyday when i get home from work he would stop with whatever he's doing and run up to me give a big hug then he go off and do his own thing again. When he was smaller and still in his walker he would follow me around and wines untill I pick him up.

[Kayrun]

It has been 2 years 4 months since my beautiful daughter and only child died after 5-month battle with rare cardiac & liver  angiosarcoma. She had just turned 36.  I’m struggling with pain, loneliness and anger.  I even resent old friends who seem to expect me to be over it by now.  Many activities such as clothes shopping, movies, board games, etc. are now not only meaningless to me, but downright distasteful.  I also find no comfort in the standard organized religious community.  Nature, outdoors, and metaphysical reading bring comfort. But I feel alienated from organized, structured events and groups.  This is why I have sought out a grief forum for parents.  Thankful for the open-hearted sharing. Makes me feel, at least temporarily, less alone.  Thank you.

[MargeeTx]

Remember.   TEXAS DOES NOT GIVE UP.....  I did go about it backwards and probably never will remember how to do it again.  Wanted to share a peaceful corner of my deck... it's where I have my coffee/tea, listen to my music, and try to understand my life and why I am on this road rather than when I was a mother to three.....now to only two.  And,yes....I still cry a lot.  But there there are so few people that I want to be around.  I feel as if my personality has done a complete flip over the past few months.  Someone said to me ..... "you look so good....you don't look sad."  I turned around and practically ran away from her.   Guess I need to practice how one looks 'sad'

love to all.     XXOO margarett 

[My girl is in heaven]

Margee... love your little haven. It’s your little slice of peace and solace there. I know exactly how you feel. I was mother to three as well. But you know we are still mothers of three.  They just are not  all in the same place anymore. There is just no accounting for the insensitivity of others to grieving moms.  You are probably starting to learn who is truly there to support you.  And unfortunately our circle gets smaller in size, but i think the quality improves .  I’m quite content to have a handful of people I can count on And who will be there (like all of us here) then hoardes of those who are only glad it wasn’t “Thier kid”.  They just want us back the way we were, cause it is easier for them to handle.  True friends will take you where you are.  Enjoy your garden.  So what does the weather get like in fall and winter in Texas. Is it getting cool yet. Do your trees leaves change colour.  Or do you just have palm trees and cactus?  So interesting to here where you guys all live.  Hugs Luanne.  

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

Kayrun.  I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious girl. And yes we do feel alienated from the rest of the world. I kinda liken  it to we are aliens from another planet. If out doors and reading give you comfort latch onto that.  Cause we all take what little bit of comfort we can hold onto.  I call it my crumbs and slivers. And they are so important.  But you never have to walk this journey alone.  Lean on those of us who walk in your shoes.  You will always have your hands held here.  Take care.

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

Missing my little man. Is today any better for you. It is definitely a constant in the hole and out of the hole process.  But u get a little stronger each time you crawl out.  We will always have aching empty arms. As you go along you are able to be more open to  receiving signs and little sprinkles of things from your boy.  so maybe one day, you will feel your boy in your arms again, if only for a moment.  Don’t worry about the rating system. I see it is still showing up even though we were told it was being taken down.  This site used to be run with so much compassion and concern for our needs. But I refuse to let one insensitive and heartless person think they can possibly “rate us”.  We will just going marching right on.  Cause we are all 10/10.  Hugs

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[peggy a sad mom]

kayrun i am so sorry for you. my son passed in january and it's like yesterday. we are here.

margarett i have so many people that i have seen just recently and they told me i look so good. wow i can't believe how good you look. i have asked all of them why what did i look like before? not one person has answered me yet

went to motor vehicles today to renew my license i went with the enhanced. the lady was snapping my picture and she said smile. i wanted to say to her lady you have no idea no idea what soever why i can't do that.

just so sad

luanne i'm sorry you are here but i thank you for being here for us

peggy

[Missing my little man]

Thank you my girl. I like believe that you me and everyone on here a family, long lost family members that we haven't met yet. The other day there was dew on my car and right in the middle of my windshield there was a butterfly shape. Just the butterfly shape nothing else around it.

[KJs Mommy Always]

Hi Luanne, 

Thanks for the response. I haven’t gotten on here in a few days. I’m going to be leaving here hopefully on the 29th of next month. I’ve been doing alright for the most part. I’m always wearing my grief, but some days I peel off a couple of layers and it’s tolerable and then without warning, those layers just pile back on. My son would have been 10 months old today, but surprisingly I’m ok. Im just missing my beautiful baby boy so much. On a good note, my husband and I purchased a home at our new location (my first home) and I’m very early on but i found out I’m expecting again. Cautiously expecting after an early miscarriage last month. I’d never had a miscarriage so it was no coincidence that it was stress related. Last month was unbearable. I’ve been trying my best to be ok because I have to share my body with another little human. Please keep me in your prayers and I’ll do the same for all of you. 

[Missing my little man]

Congrats kjs mommy hope the pregnancy goes well. I know what you mean by layers piling up. Somedays i just want to cry as loud as i can so he can hear me and know that i miss him soo much.

[KJs Mommy Always]

Missing my little man,

I know that feeling and it gets really intense and brings on intense anxiety. I don’t wish this life on my worst enemy. Thanks for the congrats on the pregnancy. I hope it goes well too. Pregnancy while grieving is tricky. 

 

[NiquesMom]

So I received two signs this weekend, and I wanted to share them to remind everyone signs are always around us.

The first one was from my daughter. We were watching "Last Man Standing" which takes place in Denver. They were looking for one of the characters and said they were going to the arcade on Leetsdale Avenue. Leetsdale is the street Nique died on. So I believe she was trying to get my attention.

The second one was from my mom. We were watching "New Amsterdam" and one of the characters was diagnosed with Thymoma, which is what mom had. It is a very rare cancer, so for them to use that in the show, I believe she was saying Hi.

I know not everyone believes in signs, but I do, and it made my heart lighter to recognize them.

[peggy a sad mom]

good for you virginia that's great. i do believe in them but it has to be a strong sign. those were strong. everyone seems to be leaving here. it takes us over a week or more to fill a page. any way the 12th is my son's first birthday away from me. this morning writing oct 1st it started to hurt already. i wish i didn't have to cry everyday i wish i could just smile when i think of him. but i see his face in my head and i just go crazy. i guess i should be happy i still can see him. i know people say as time goes on you start to forget certain things. i lost it at work today. i don't listen to the radio any more since he left but at work the music is on all day and every song i consider sad i cry. one of the girls looked at me i said i'm sorry i just want to be with him. she said there is a reason you are here. i was like could you tell me what it is cause i don't see any reason. i just don't know.

i told someone the other day that when we get to heaven god is gonna ask us soooo how did you like hell? i really believe this. that is my belief this must be hell

thanks everybody

peggy

[My girl is in heaven]

Hi Peggy and All....I’m still here.  I’ve had a recent move and some upheaval in my life so haven’t been here as much.  But I will get caught up this week.  I will always come here to talk to anyone who wants to hear me.  I have sevens year worth of walking in these shoes, the shoes we all walk in now, that none of us ever wanted.  But one day rest assured, those shoes that feel like cement today, will not always feel that heavy.  Hold on dear friends.  There will be hope and light in your life again. Hugs

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[MargeeTx]

I have a question and a quantrey.. I met a lady in 1993.  We immediately became fast friends,and soon we were doing couple things.... dinners, movies, dinners at each other's houses...I"thought" we were very close. We are both in the medical field. I'm a nurse and she is medical social worker. Other than me calling her, she hasn't  called me once.  I have called about every 2-3 weeks, but I feel so distant from her. We used to talk at least every week. I want to call her and find out why the change? Have I said something to upset her? Am  I that miserable to talk to now?  ( she never had children)there are so many people that I don't want to talk to,  but I considered her as a best friend.   Best.

So friends..... help me out here.

xxoo margarett 

 

[My girl is in heaven]

Margee..I can certainly speak to your situation. I have been down that road several times.  Family members, life long childhood friends, 30 year co workers.  They want the old you back...and we know that will never happen.  When they see you or talk to you, you remind them that that could happen to them or maybe they can “catch” your “disease”.  When I asked myself where did everybody go , I realized they went back to the day before my daughter died and then went sailing right on with thier lives.  If they aren’t willing to take you just where u are in life, whether that’s having an ok day or a really bad one, then they aren’t true friends.  I still ask myself, how could people treat a grieving parent that way, but they can and they do.  Our circle gets smaller but it also gets more valuable.  I let people hurt me over and over again for years. Do not let anyone tell you, they don’t know what to say or they don’t want to upset you.  If they don’t stand beside you now, cut them loose and do not let yourself be hurt like that anymore.  I do not have one single person in my life (other than my remaining children) who were there when Kira died.....and I’m a lot better off for it.  Hold on as tight as you want here dear friend

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[Missing my little man]

I feel so isolated from the world. I feel like there is no way out. I want to fly high with my baby all the time. These feelings are sometimes so intense that i feel like i can't breathe. When i see pregnant women it makes me soo sad.

[Missing my little man]

Today is a bad day i miss my little man soo much, and the clouds are not helping It's just been soo gloomy. It's cold and overcast now for the last few weeks.

[NiquesMom]

I know how you feel.  I recently found out my friend is having another baby (his third) and my brother-in-law is having another (his second).  I am so jealous.  I tried for so long to have my son, took 6 years.  I have had 2 miscarriages since having my son and lost my daughter.  Why is it so easy for some people to pop out kids without even trying?  I always wanted a big, loud family. And i know i am blessed to have had my daughter for 18 years, and to have my 5 year old. Some people cannot have any children.  But that doesn't make me feel any less jealous.

[peggy a sad mom]

just so much going on with all of us. when i talk to people about things that happened before and after my son passed everyone says the same thing. you are under a black cloud. i feel the same way. i don't get it i am so afraid of whats next for me. nothing is as bad as losing my son sooo. but still seems like its not just me but all of us. there must be some reason

peggy

[PieceofCate]

I took Lilly to see Smallfoot tonight and I cried nearly the entire movie. 

For a grieving mother who is searching for comfort and answers about the universe it seemed like I was the only person in the theater. That Cate was sending me signs embedded in the movie. This was the first time that I had been to a movie theater since the accident. I became very emotional as soon as it started because Cate was normally sitting beside me at the theater. Then on the screen I see a crescent moon and then a tree whose leaves transformed into butterflies and swirled upward toward the sky. Both of which are very meaningful symbols for all of us grieving for her. The rest of the movie I cried, but more for nostalgia than pain. I was able to remember my girl and her sense of humor as I experienced her on earth. Instead of instantly seeing the tragic scene that took her from me. I think she is proud of me.

[Missing my little man]

I'm not ok. I'm having a bad today sometimes I like he is soo near me other times i feel as if he had gone on to his next lifetime, and forgotten about me already. I can let myself be happy,  whay am happy when my baby is not here. I have soo much regret. I regret going to work that day, i regret not hold him when he fell off the coach. The one thing i know that i don't regret is choosing to have him with for 15 months.

[My girl is in heaven]

Missing my little man. We all live with those regrets, the what if’s, the whys.  Search the whole world over and you will never find the answers.  Your little man has not forgotten you. He will be waiting right there for you when it’s your time.  Know that everyday  wont feel as bad as this one because life gives us all seconds chances....they are called tomorrow.  Hugs

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

Piece of Cate and Virginia...yes, all those wonderful signs.  As time goes on you will be more open to them.  Ourangel babies are everywhere.  Hold on to all they sprinkle down on us.

 

margee...how r things with your friend.  

 

Peggy...how is the fall season starting for you.  I think New York gets same weather as Ontario.  Sometimes the change in seasons can bring us down, but hold on , hold on.

 

donna mArie...nice you were able to clean a few things out, just little by little.  How r the Vikings doing. I’m sure victor is still watching.  Keep on cheering them on.  When does the season end.  

Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

KJs mommy.  Congrats  on the baby and getting a house.  That’s great news.  Good things will always be bittersweet for us, but take the bits of joy when u can. I hope this job change and house will be a but if a fresh start for you, not that we ever leave the past behind.  Remember don’t live in the past, just visit it once in awhile. Keep us updated. 

 

Luanne,  Kira’s mama

[ericasmom]

Margee, call her. She is a medical social worker for heaven's sake, she should be calling you but perhaps does not know how to talk about this unless it is as a social worker and not a friend. Maybe she can't separate work from friendship with this topic, but maybe she just does not know how. And you said she does not have kids, so it may be utterly impossible for her to fathom how you are feeling and she feels less than able to help???I am giving her the benefit of the doubt...I had to cast some friendships aside due to the way some cannot handle our ache and pain. Good luck, let us know.

Some have said that they no longer can get on this site but I am not having difficulty getting on at this point, I just don't have the amount of time I used to have, a very busy year at school. So I am thinking of you all, and hoping for signs and visits from your angels for you.

[daveydow1]

missingmylittleman------I am sorry you are in such a dark place, and missing your baby.

My baby, Lisa, died at 6 mo. of age years ago, but I still remember those feelings of

terrible emptiness and sorrow......I miss her, still.   I wish I had the words to offer to give

you comfort, but most of the time, .....there are no words....especially in the early times.

  Just know that we, here at BI, and understand.  Wishing you peace.

 

Margee------I guess that you must follow your instincts regarding the friend who has

distanced herself from you.  You could try calling her one more time, and then if she

still remains distant, then just let her go, as LouAnn said.  It's so true that friends,

family member, and acquaintances sometimes  just drift away for one reason or another.

It is very disheartening, and it's true that there are those who just can't understand the

grieving parent, and may feel uncomfortable being around us.  This has happened to me,

personally, and I wrestled with it for awhile, but finally had to let them go. 

 

Dee-----Well, this time.....I was able to get on here.  Hope it continues.  Maybe it was just

a glitch of some kind.  Hope your fall is unrolling in a nice way, with balmy days, and

lots of color.  Our leaves are not changing just yet. 

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.  

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

[Missing my little man]

Thanks devy it's just sometimes those feelings are soo intense, and then you start feeling pressure in your chest as if all the air has gone out of your lungs and you can't breathe. 

[Tommy's mum]

not been on in ages I struggle with the lower light levels and early nights that come in Fall. I was also really pissed off with the whole leaderboard thing and also the reputation and emoji thing. I do not understand why any of this is deemed ok. This is not a site that runs on fakery and stupid empty **** that some empty headed people think is important such as "likes". The social media forums are already responsible for bullying and unhealthy competitive behaviours that can cause people to feel isolated, unimportant and not worth listening to so why on earth would a grieving site decide to join this circus? The parents on here are already very fragile, often very sensitive and isolated and are here for community support not judging on their posts or number of communications. There are a lot of people who have left after being members for several years after these changes which is why there are fewer responses. Luanne,  Dee  and Sherry have stepped up to cover the newbies thanks for your help ladies.

[peggy a sad mom]

dee keep busy it's a good think. ni know i do ok when i'm overly busy.

lesley please keep coming back i missed you. it's been very quiet here. 

the 12th is my son's first birthday gone. i'm going away to be away from here hope i made the right choice

peggy

[hotrod]

Good Morning all I was just thinking of the first few days of the lossof my precious son, Stephen and remembering how Sherry and Dee helped me their kind words  Thanks my dear friends  I will never forget  

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hello group! 

Many if you will not know me as it has been quite a while since I was able to get logged on!

This past Wednesday, October 3rd, marked 7 years since my 15 year old son, Jared Daniel West, was killed as he was skateboarding towards home, only a quarter mile from our driveway. The person that hit and killed him received a text message on her phone moments before hitting him at more than 50 mph. Additionally, she had alcohol and prescription drugs onboard, but police here did not bring any criminal charge! We found out nearly two years after the fact, that a neighbor had seen it happen and told that the driver had crossed the centerline of this very narrow country road and hit “ a figure in the roadway “. When we asked the police to interview her, she backstroked and did not tell them what she had said to us. There is no open container law in Delaware and they used that as an excuse for not testing her. We have been active in promoting for this law to change, and also promote on social media to not drive distracted and the growing stats of over 6000 deaths per year now attributed to distracted driving.

I have missed this group that helped me so much in the months following Jared’s death. I don’t know what I would have done without the help I received here.

I don’t know how many of that group are still here, but looking forward to hearing from all of you!

[Jeff's Mom]

A very dear friend and extremely supportive person to our group has recently passed away. Sadly she lost her battle to cancer on September 25th. Her caring and supportive posts to us all showed the depth of caring she had for everyone. Susan, Rest in Peace. I see you walking along a sandy beach feeling the warm waves washing over your feet as you walk hand in hand with your John David and Tay.  Mermaid Tears was a perfect name.  Thank you for the years of kindness and help that you gave by extending your hand to those hurting in the loss of their child. Who... after all... could better understand what we were feeling. You will be missed. 

Kate 

[TearsInHeaven]

I have pulled away from here but I felt our dear compassionate Susan (Mermaid Tears) should  be recognized for all her tenderheartedness she showed to so many.  When I was so new and raw, she reached out to me and so many others.  Her handsome John David graced her profile picture as she shared her story and experiences to help the next bereaved parent...and the next...and the next.  She offered kindness and understanding. Not long ago she lost her beautiful, young granddaughter a mother herself with a toddler.  Now, she is with them. Kate has the picture so right, walking along the sandy beach hand in hand with John David and Taylor. A fitting picture for a "heart in the right place" woman (as I am sure her grandmother used to say!)

[ericasmom]

I am here tonight to share my grief of learning of Susan's death. I am so sad, I kept hoping to continue our banter and our friendship, her words so wise and 'right-on for everyone. Susan, long may you run Sweet Woman, Long may you run. You will be a bright star in the night sky and you will be dearly loved forever.

[My girl is in heaven]

Becky...dear, dear friend. Have long wondered how you are doing.  Was worried maybe your eye sight had got worse and you couldn’t see well enough to post. I lost Kira the same year as you lost Jared, so I am 7 years in as well.  Although now I know no matter how much time lapses, there is always an ache in our heart. How could there not be. I remember Your story....do you still have that sign on your road, wasn’t there a lion on it?    I applaud you for your efforts to get laws changed, that woman was so at fault.  I don’t exactly what they are here but I do know there is an open container in car law.  I hope u keep coming back. How is your eyesight. What else has been going on in your life?  Unfortunately this site is not like it used to be.  So many changes and can often not get on the site so very frustrating.  I’m so happy you posted.  Hugs.  Luanne.....Kira’s mama

[NiquesMom]

My heart hurts. Putting Kyle to bed, he tells me he will miss me. I told him I am in the next room, and sissy is next to him (her photo). He bursts into tears about missing sissy. Spent 45 minutes calming and talking to him. Made my heart hurt to hear his aching sobs.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I have not been on here for awhile but also wanted to offer my gratitude and thanks for those who walked beside me during the early days of the loss of my son, Jesse David. Today, I happened to come across Becky's email in my Inbox about Jared and that prompted me to come online.

Becky, it was good to hear from you today sweet lady. I owe you a debt of gratitude as if you had not been here, I would of never known about the accident reconstructionist and we would not have won our case against the negligent driver. 

Betty, happy to see your son, Stephen's happy face. Bless you.

Luanne, good to see your post.

And thank you to Dee and Sherry for continuing here to offer support both to us semi-oldies and newcomers. It is club we wished were never in, but the loving supportive parents here made all the difference in the world.

Finally, I too share my thoughts on the passing of our dear sister Susan, Mermaid Tears. She was a wonderful inspiration to all here, I am honored to have known her. We will all miss you -- but the God of the Universe, came and gathered you up in His Strong Arms. Fly free.

[Skay]

l haven't  posted  in a while. I was finally  able to take Trey's ashes out of the box. He's in a cheap plastic thing that we will replace with something more like him. I also have a lock of his hair. I want to combine his first haircut with his last.  Nobody understands the sadness of that. My chids first and last haircut. I am so afraid people will forget about him! He was such a good person.

 

[NiquesMom]

I am feeling a lot of guilt for making plans. And i know thats silly, Nique would want us to keep going forward, but its still there.  Last night I made plans and bought plane tickets to take my son to NY for christmas.  He is so excited, and I want him to enjoy it, but I also feel guilty.  I took Nique to NY for her 10th birthday, and it was one of her favorite trips.  Mine too.  We always talked about going back when her brother was a little older.  Thought she would go with us.  So feeling bad for planning a vacation while I am still sad.  And it comes out as anger.  Her anniversary date is 12/21 and I told my husband its going to suck no matter where we are, so maybe if I try to keep myself busy by being out and doing things it wont be as bad.