Loss of an Adult Child

[InHeavensKeeping]

Just wanted to say hi to everyone. Haven't got time to post tonight sleep is calling . 

Will catch up tomorrow 

God Bless xxxx

[InHeavensKeeping]

I don't know it you all remember that I went to TCF Compasssionate Friends retreat last year, it came at a time when my husband and I were just about surviving.  The  compassion and kindness from everyone present just stopped me in my tracks it was just amazing.  Well we decided to raise money for this charity this year running ' the Great South run' again Charlotte and I will run the 5K whilst my older daughter Gemma and some of James's friends will run the 16k.  I contacted TCF to let them know  and received this Message from The Chair of The Compassionate Friends.........

"It is unbelievably kind of you to be  raising money for TCF through the Great South Run. I am so grateful - whatever money you raise will be well spent in supporting other bereaved parents as much as possible. As our fundraising increases through the generosity and hard work of people like you, so we can do more. In January for the first time we had a retreat for fifty newly bereaved parents - it felt like being part of a somewhat miraculous process of gentle consoling and giving glimmers of hope.

For you to have lost a son at birth and then James is devastating, especially given the traumatic nature of his death. I do admire your courage - it is  indeed hard to continue. But for James's sake you must, for every thing you both do and say in his name keeps his precious memory alive. Your grief in the first year or two is like a jagged flint within you, causing unbearable pain. but gradually it will wear smooth like a large river pebble, always there and heavy, but comfortable - and curiously as one regains energy and new hope and zest for life (which will come, I promise), the grief becomes lighter."

This was a reply from a wonderful lady, a grieving mum too, ( she lost her son aged 20 through SADS) the chair of the trustees. We met her at the retreat she was just amazing, she listened sat with you and quietly listened and then gave such comfort and hope I can't decribe it but I wanted to give something back. She also sent me her keynote speech that she gave at the Scottish gathering to help me. There was some beautiful quotes and poems in there . I think this one follows what you have all been expressing here. 

Much love God Bless Georgina xx

 

Never give up

 

When the sun fails to shine

on my world,

let me learn to smile.

 

When the sky thunders

around me,

let me learn to laugh.

 

And when it all breaks

and the weight of the world

forces me to my knees,

give me courage

to grit my teeth,

haul myself up,

and on the bare

unrelenting earth,

let me learn to dance.

Xx

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....awesome ! It is a worthy organization...and a touchstone for so many. I had not one grasp on this kind of grief. I was immediately filled with gratitude when I joined this site...for the care and compassion from so many....that let me know I did not walk this grief journey alone.

[ericasmom]

 

[ericasmom]

Listen and sing the words, I do believe that this song sings of human hearts facing loss and heartache...we hold the key, the one key that both holds our fear and our love, one key, one heart to hold it all. Oh my. I grew up listening to this song and so many others written with such poetic style, love it, soothes ones spirit when you feel you have no direction...the direction is forward, they will come back for us one day.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Yes Dianne, think of all of our Vietnam vets coming home to such animosity and to have been part of such a brutal war,

"come on people, smile on your brother..."

But so much of the music then rings true now for the losses we have endured.

[tobyfreefoot]

i too grew up with  this. it is lovely. "the one that left us here" most of you know i don't believe much that i will see my son again. i wish. i did i still call to him anyway. mostly i just can't stand it. but here is this---

i recently got a diagnosis of depersonalization disorder. i had an out of body experience while i lie screaming on the floor when i found out my son had been killed. i still can not think too hard about that moment because it is like ptsd-i am right back there in that kind of pain. i just can't allow myself to go there anymore. it isn't going to get better. it happened nothing will ever change that.  but since i stepped out of my body i was in and out for about 2 years then i became pretty much permanently out for the last 3 years. it is very hard to describe to people but i thought it was the "new me" since forest's death. it was awful to think the rest of my life i would be viewing everything so removed and second hand. i had literally no feelings.my husband and children thought i didn't love them anymore because though i said and did the right things they could tell i wasn't really there anymore. i was thinking how much it was like taking disassociate drugs (yeah i'm an old hippie) so i looked up disassociation and came across this disorder and it fit me to a tee!! i contacted my old shrink who told me i most likely had it. and voila! it has been gone for 3 weeks. i contacted a dr. on line that told me it was a chemical imbalance triggered as a trauma response. since i had been afraid and freaked out by it it got worse. once i found out it wasn't necessarily permanent the relief caused it to recede.  she said it is not in remission but gone however now that i've had it were another trauma to occur my brain is wired to go back to it but next time i would recognize it and be able to get out of it quicker. some people i met on a support group are far more effected than i was and have had it longer and they are stuck in a spiral of anxiety, depression and fear that feed the disassociated feelings and make it worse.

anyway just thought i would share this. i am going to work in my yard. ihaven't enjoyed doing anything in so long i'm looking forward to see how it feels!

 i might be crazy but i have this affinity with bowie. i got a black iodized bracelet engraved with  I AM THE GREAT I AM on the outside and BLACKSTAR-DAVID BOWIE on the inside.

there is a cult film called The FP involving gangs battling and using a game like DDR in an old warehouse (forest a huge ddr fan) well the guy is making a sequel called beats of rage. we took up a collection to conttribute to its production and the directer is going to put forest's name on the leaderboard in the film and produce some graffiti with his picture that says solidus lives to appear in the background somewhere. pretty awesome one of his friends thought of this.

ok off to check on baby chicks love you all i hope spring has lifted someone's spirits here.

[daveydow1]

Gretchen----You're not crazy.  I believe that for all those who are walking this journey, we've

all had times when we felt we were going crazy.  It's a response to the horrific even of losing

a child/children.  I'm glad that you have found a Dr. who can alleviate your anxiety some.  It has

been nearly 13 years for me on this road, and I still have what is called   " exaggerated startle reflex".

I jump if there's an unexpected loud noise, or if someone speaks to me,...again unexpectedly, in

a store etc. or even at home.  My husband is the same. (he's a Vietnam vet).  I know that it is a minor thing compared to

many people, and I've learned to 'go with the flow' , but it's still there. Sending thoughts & prayers.

 

Dee-----Yes...the weather here is the same....cool, gray, rainy.  Hoping for some sunshine in the

coming week.  Flowers are doing ok, and at least we have not had frost warnings.  (40's  at night.)

Thanks for the song....always loved it. Was feeling so down a day last week....then looked at the

calendar and saw that Lisa's birthday is near.  Many times, the blue feelings come on before one actually

sees the date on the calendar.

 

Georgina----Good to see your post. Thanks for the poem.  

 

Laurie-----I'm glad that we are again able to get on BI.  Glad you're back on.

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

 Much love to all of you here, without whom I would feel so alone. 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Gretchen, sending you healing thoughts. I think there are many parents who suffer now from PTSD...for me, it is why I find crowds difficult and being around too many strangers stressful. I know that there are parents who do seem to get their footing better than others. I am not sure why this is so, but grief is so complicated, who knows. We each handle things in our own way.

No right, no wrong.

Actually, I just saw today, a toddler nighty shirt at a resale shop with Luigi character on it, made me think of you and Forest.

Georgina, glad to hear you are participating in the run....and doing it to benefit that great organization. 

Sherry, sorry to hear you are feeling blue...how those marker times sneak up on us and our body clock's just know, without us checking a calendar.

My mom shared with me a dream she had last night. It was of my sister, Julie who passed on May 16, 2003.  (I happened to notice we have three angelversaries each month in a row from that year on this forum.)

Anyway, back to the dream. My mom said she could see my sister Julie very clearly in it. Even down to the exact clothing she was wearing. They were going to a restaurant and the surroundings in this place/dreamscape felt very real. My mom said that in this place, that she reached out and touched my sister's hand. She told me she could actually FEEL my sister's hand, it had physicality and solidness. What is very unique about this all, is that the restaurant in my mom's dream is the same one that my other sister and I have been talking about taking my mom to in a few weeks. It is a very unusual restaurant in that it serves authentic German food made from scratch. One of a kind. 

My mom did not know we were planning on taking her there, which will be close to my sister's angelversary. So very coincidental and meaningful.

The other day, when I was on here, I noticed the dates of Dee's girl Erica and Sherry's Davey. This prompted me to finally figure out the exact date of my sister's passing, as I have kind of blocked it out. I had some papers from my dad about the accident my sister was killed in. She was killed while walking beside a road -- the motorist fled the scene. What I did not know until I looked at the papers is that the woman who killed my sister was intoxicated according to the police report, was charged with vehicular homicide, and is A NURSE. And she is still a practicing nurse. She never offered to pay my parents anything and we paid everything for funeral costs, etc.. I now know that there was a chance -- with this person's medical training -- that she could have done something besides run. Instead she left my sister on the road way, where she was struck by two more vehicles.

I have accepted the fact I have PTSD and will always carry some effects from it. I am trying meditation and just contacted a practitioner to set up an appointment. (she also had child loss and is a certified grief therapist )  I always would say to someone else who may find a way to help themselves heal, pursue with all diligence that guidance the Universe has given you. And know that there are parents here, who will give out unconditional love and seek to place a healing balm on your Chiron wound.

Gentleness to all.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dianne and Becky, thanks for sharing the poems.

Susan, also for all the writings you post.

[ericasmom]

Wow Gretchen, I am so grateful that you looked up that disorder to just see: and there you read what you have been going through. It is sometimes the epiphany that leads us to the sunlight again. I am glad that you have this time now to feel things again, to wander around with your senses open. I too have PTSD and startle reflex, but it is less than it was, though anxiety does just kind of sit inside me, I try to give it less of me than I used to. Wow, I am excited to know how it felt to garden? Keep us posted. Glad you like that old favorite song.

Laurie, going to a practitioner that studies meditation and who also understands the loss of a Child is a good find...she may be just what feeds your kind spirit. I am wishing you well. Glad that  you love that old favorite song as well. yes, the dates are another way we find connection for sure.

Becky, yes, Bereaved Mom's Day. Here we are, following our way to each other by way of our Angels.

Sherry, slowly the sun will be visiting us and slowly, warmer temps as well. Goodness knows it was cold yesterday and not quite as bad today but still wet and gloomy. Makes me tired. Here's to our gardens!

 

[tanmanmymagicman]

Not sure where I am posting.  All has changed so much. !!!   Hi to all. This site sure helped me out after I lost my son and all th suffering the followed.   It's been almost 9 years.      I m still learning to deal with grief but I will tell you time does soften it and we have to learn what we can do to find alittle peace and joy ... Not easy but doable. I will never been the same and have guilt for not spending as much time with my grandkids as I should.  They are all getting older now.  I missed the baby stages because of my grief ... Will write again. Hug to all

[Steve s mom]

Hi Everyone,

Its been a while.I had trouble finding the correct forum

I was going to show you something from Steves Memorial service we had last Sunday .

But I cant upload anything?

i hope everyone is doing well ,and has a peaceful mothers day coming up.

Edited June 10, 2016 by Steve s mom
I finally could up load

[Mermaid Tears]

testing

[InHeavensKeeping]

Dee just loved the old song thank you for sharing it. Susan I always photo shot your writings and pictures I really get so much out of what's been written thank you. 

I definately feel both my husband and I have symptoms of PTSD I recognise so many of the symptoms  

laurie I thought the Angel was such a magnificent and amazing stature. How thoughtful of your friend. 

Laurie is your songs and poems page still up. I Carnot find itxx

 

[daveydow1]

Stevesmom-------Good to see your post. Glad that you were able to find

the site again.  The format has changed, and  I, too, had trouble

getting back. I have not been able to upload anything either.....but

I admit to being inept at those things).   

 

Tanman----Hello. Good to see your post. 

 

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

SHERRY

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....I believe with all my heart and soul your Mom had a visitation dream like I had with John David....the same thing that resonated was I could 'see' the fabric/texture/weave of what he was wearing....and at the end....I hugged him...I touched him...of course...there is more to that dream than I can describe...but...when I get so...so low...I remember that dream....and he is glowing...happy....looks like he is in his late 20's..or early 30's....and I get through..another day....

 

Gretchen...so glad you got diagnosed...I have never heard of all those terms....but hope it helps you...and that you are getting back on track...

for me....I have a definite 'before and after'.....I don't think any doctor or study can do anything about that....it is ok....I would not want anyone or any prescription drug to take away from me....my memories of the before and after....I will live there....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, thanks for sharing your dream...those types we hold close...there is often more detail and a crispness that can be found. My mom's dream meant so much to her...

Georgina, here is the link to the songs postings http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?/topic/6290-grief-poems-writings-songs-on-loss-of-child-feel-free-to-share-yours/

Mary Ann, good to see your post. You should just be able to select the choose files option at the bottom of the editor and attach the pic that way....

Tanman, hope you can find your way around. My mom is going on 13 years with the loss of my sister. There are still those days which can drag her under and then times when she does okay.

[ericasmom]

Tanman and Maryanne, so good to see you both back here...a hard thing to find these days, unfortunately. We keep hoping that they won't make it so difficult to find us...

Tell us what you have been doing to stay in the moment and healthy.

 

Peace out All, a sunny and spring day ahead, thankfully.

[StyleJ]

I don't know where to start other than I lost my 20 year old son Jeff-Anthony in a car accident. Back in 2012 I was divorced and won custody of both mt sons Jeff-A and Nick. There mom moved back to NY while I had the privilege of raising my 2 boys. Jeff-A was kinda chubby 2 years back when I started to taking him to the gym. Well he was fit and his self esteem was way up. His body was a temple and kind to others with a lot of friends. About the time was getting into fitness he started college and was doing well. I finally got him a part time job at my company where we both worked. We did everything together..Well not everything, but you get the picture.

I loved him and still love him so much and I am in such a dark place. Can I carry on?? I think so but not sure..The thought of my soon to be graduating younger son NIck, gives me courage as I made a promise to him. My promise was I will be there for you, helping you, molding you, being your dad and being your friend till my last days...

Also over the years I met a wonderful woman that has been amazing through all this tragedy and we are soon to be wed. Like actually this weekend Jeff was supposed to be in the wedding so you can only imagine how hard this is going to be. Jeff loved her like a mom and would have wanted was was so happy for us..:( I thought of postponing originally since the tragedy is so new..However I want to LIVE my life even though I don't feel it right now and also do him honor because I know he would want this!!

Please help me have strength in this time of grieving...

-Jeff-Anthony's dad, Jeff

 

[ericasmom]

Oh Jeff, I am so sorry that you lost your Beloved Son, Jeff-Anthony. I can only say that life will feel very mixed up and confusing at times, and going along as best you can for now is the best anyone can expect. It sounds like your fiance' has been with you for some time, so if marrying is still something that seems right and good, go forward.If you feel it is too much change for now, then perhaps delay for  a few months. I do so agree that your Boy would say to do what you were planning, our Babies need us to continue living our lives and shining their light for them. Keep coming back to let us know how things are going...we all have stories, the best way for all of us to know you is through your stories, so keep telling us about your lives.

Peace,

 

[StyleJ]

That is why I am here. No one at work, friends or anything understands or knows the deep cutting pain I am feeling. Waking up every day thinking I just can't be true, even though I know it is. But I know others do, especially on this this site.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[Donnah]

On 26 April 2016 at 3:14 PM, Mermaid Tears said:

Donnah....thanks and thanks for sharing....with the grief we share on this site....to know we don't have to walk this 

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Donnah

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• Loss TypeAdult son
• Angel Date26/12/2015

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1. 

   Donnah

   Laurie, I love the quote. We too try to make positive statements. Dylan had a quote on his phone we used in his service sheet. I felt that it was his message to the rest of us. 

   Becky, We also used the Irish blessing  at Dylan's service as well Becky. 

   Shannon, I love the goats. I have a goat Gary, that Dylan got me as a wild baby from an area here in NZ where goats wild goats are a problem a few years back. We bottle fed him and he lives with our sheep. 

    

   

[Donnah]

 

sorry about my last post, I've tried to copy and paste something for the last week instead ended up with the above and can't get rid of it. Thank you to all that share their photos, memories, feelings good and bad.

I'm feeling very down and am gonna spill here as I don't think I can to anyone else  despite the messages asking how I'm doing from friends and family and I don't feel,like I can tell them how I really feel. 

 the draft hospital report came out last week and the surgeon defends his 'care of Dylan' saying he did everything correctly and Dylan would have still died if he hadn't sent him home etc. I get so mad simple information and treatment would have prevented our pain and suffering of not having to see my son die and never be with us to share in the beautiful life we had together. We continue to try and change the system for others and spread the word about DVT's and risks from surgery in the hope that no other life is needlessly lost. 

I just read a post on FB of a mother whose son started his apprenticeship with Dylan and he is finished his time. Dylan would have qualified at the same time. I feel ripped off not to be celebrating Dylan's achievements. 

My other son is doing so well with his career and his brother would have been so proud of him. Stu's heart which has been a problem for the past 10 years is playing up big time, I think it's the stress and he isn't working much and I haven't had any work relief teaching so financially we are not doing so great either. 

I struggle to achieve anything most days and feel like I walk through fog, sleep is elusive without medication and the dr suggested anti depressants but I'm not sure numbing my brain to my grief is the way to go. 

 

I found this to share with you all. 

“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter.” I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

 

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

[ericasmom]

Amen Donnah...thank you.I know that you ache beyond words so just keep coming back here to let it fly, let it out, retell your story adn the sequence because it is important to tell it again. We are here. I am so sad that the doctor has relieved himself of any wrong doing...sounds clearly like he released your Boy too soon.

And it is true, no matter how we lost our Sweetbabies, that we float and drown and float and drown, and one day we kick, we kick and move our bodies to find a new space, one in which we are free to tell our stories and weep, to add to the ocean of tears our very salt, we find this place and we breathe.

 

Laurie, I don't think I ever commented on your Momma's dream of your Sis; it really sounds lovely, so clear and so wonderful to feel her hand again, to hear her voice. I have been lucky enough to have several over the years in which I could hear Erica's voice, hear her and touch her...see her across a space and smile at her and she smiled back...I am grateful for those most precious visits.

[InHeavensKeeping]

StyleJ I'm glad you were able to find your way to this site.

 I'm  sorry for your loss I know how your feeling it's the second most devistating heartbreaking awful experience I've every been through having already lost my baby boy and I am just approaching twenty months having lost my prescious sweet 30 yr Son. My advise to you is to take one day, one second at a time small steps forward maybe a few back each day and befor you know it you will be in my position as for me I Carnot believe how times flown by and I want it to stop.  

Thanks Laurie for the link just love that thread. 

Thanks for sharing the old mans story  I've read that befor I'm sure  your right to keep the fight going  that's what we are doing 'truth and justice for James ' it's hard, heart wrenching and can take its toll on your health but worth it for our beloved Angels  

God Bless 

 

[Donnah]

A friend sent me this link today 

 

[daveydow1]

StyleJ---- I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Jeff-Anthony.  I hope that

you can come back to this site, because everyone here knows, firsthand, the

pain & sorrow of losing a beloved child.  Others, who have not had this devastating loss,

cannot fully understand the grief & pain that becomes part of us. The parents here are carrying

on with this loss of a child.  I, along with Dee, have been here for almost 13 yrs., and it has been a

lifeline.  Please comeback to this site, Jeff. 

 

Georgina----Glad to see James' sweet smile.  I hope you are doing ok.

 

I have not been able to post any pics since the change in format, either.

PEACE    AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

  

[StyleJ]

Thank you all. Really..

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[InHeavensKeeping]

Donna thank you I found the video so helpful. I think ' see the Good'  is what I try to do but didn't realise I did. Thanks to Susans words about " I not only have a child I loved I have a cild I love that died"  I don't get the words right but I really clung to the meaning and use it often. 

I think the lady in the video is able to be as she is with the amazing support she has. I'm sure that really helps  we had that for the first two weeks then bam nothing my own family aren't supportive it's just the four of us too now but at least we have each other. Plus a bubba and son in law.  

Thank you Sherry xx

 

[Donnah]

Hi all I too take things from all the fabulous posts you share. I especially liked the message from the lady in the video I posted about is this helping or harming?

Yesterday begun very down and it was hard to pick myself up and get through the day then last night our son Levi rung he has been appointed manager of a 5000 acre sheep and beef farm that he's been shepherding on for almost the past year. Awesome achievement for a 21 year old. I know his big brother is so proud of his achievements. 

Sherry, I'm sorry you don't have support but know we are here to support you as you support us with your words. 

Dianne, I cried too but know this is part of my grief journey. I'm not nearly as strong as the lady In The video but then again she admitted that she is not always so strong either. 

Dee thank you I know that here I can say how I really feel without making others uncomfortable as you all know how it really is. I get so many texts asking how I am and then people saying I can't imagine what it is like etc. when I try and let out how I'm feeling to those friends it makes them uncomfortable and they don't know what to say or do and I am scared of driving them away. 

To everyone else thank you for being here. This journey sucks and one none of us signed up for but together we help each other. Xx

[daveydow1]

Georgina-----thank you for that lovely poem. It is so inspirational. I'm

sad today because it's my baby Lisa's birthday.  Born in May.....gone

to heaven in November.  I  love and miss you forever,  baby Lisa. God

bless you and keep you til we meet again on the other side.  

Dee----Yes, it will warm up, and the sun will shine again pretty soon.  I

don't really mind the rain, somehow.

PEACE     AND      COMFORT     TO     ALL    INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[ericasmom]

Lisa, Little White Angel,

with your sweetest smiles and your shining eyes, make sure of your Momma today, sit upon her heart playing a song of great love, the love the two of you share. Born from spring, unto the fields of blossoms that sway and move in the breeze. Happy Birthday Lisa, a day that will always be loved for who it brought.

 

Sherry, that sense of blue today, missing your Girl. She is tucking you in tonight, making sure of you.

[hotrod]

Hello "Indigo's"  9 years ago today I lost my most precious gift from God, My son "Stephen.  Remembering the tremendous amount of compassion, warmth and empathy that was extended to me during the following years , I had to stop by and thank each of you for the support and  love that I received. 

 

I cannot remember all the many who helped me but   "Dee and Sherrycome readily to mind for their consistent dedication and love.

 

  I will always remember our daily contact and still have "Dee's assignment" where she challenged each of us   to write the article  :"If I had one more day".  I reviewed that paper today  and  I still feel the same.  I miss him more each day 

 

Remembering  all the Indigos who walked this painful journey with me such as Carol,  Dee, Sherry,   Trudi ,Lorri, Claudia, Betsy,Susannah, Bonnie, Marsie  and everyone else,    too many to list, you are  in my heart .

Blessing  and a peaceful  heart to each of you 

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

I should have some time to check in over the weekend. Spring is busy around here. For all that live in the country and have animals... It's pretty much understood I'm sure but for me this all still so new. I'm coming up on the anniversary of my first year here and each season so far has brought new challenges but has been so good for me. 

Gretchen, I'm glad that just knowing now what was happening to you has helped. I also have PTSD and I do disassociate. It's one of the symptoms. My disassociation started even before I lost Trista. I grew up with extreme domestic violence in my home. I never understood why, when a crisis occurred, I was not affected like other people. I didn't cry. Didn't feel anything really and acted completely on autopilot. My family typically depended on my in any type of crisis because I was the one who keep a level head. Mainly because I felt nothing. It wasn't until after losing Tris and a complete breakdown that I began to understand why I am how I am. It was the same for me in that knowing actually helped me work through it. I know that feeling of watching yourself from the outside, completely separated from it all. It's scary and very hard to explain. 

Wishing a peaceful weekend for all. 

[TearsInHeaven]

 

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry...this photo touches me every time I view it....as hard as my grief is....it is hard for me to place myself in your shoes...in losing a baby girl. I pray that you receive some gift of Grace and Mercy and Healing. I pray that precious baby girl can give you a sign that she is close...and loves her Mommie very much.

[daveydow1]

Betty-----So glad to see your post, and Stephen's great smile.  Yes, the time

goes by,..... and the missing goes on day-by-day, year-by-year.  While those who

have been on this road awhile may find that the pain 'softens',  it is still there---

just underneath, but our darlings are always with us.  I pray that you are doing well.

I remember that you found joy & comfort in going to the symphonies.  We each try to

find some place, or thing, that gives us comfort, and a smile to our face. I find my

solace in nature.  Thank you for the lovely Mother's Day greeting.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Susan--- Love the mother & child statue. So touching.  Thanks for your 

heartfelt sentiment.  My son, Davey, was born just one year after Lisa's death,

and when I would cry when he was a very young child, he would put his

hand on my shoulder, and it brought me so much comfort.

Dianne-----Thank you for the lovely angel pic and screen shot, for Lisa's birthday.  So

beautiful. Very much appreciated.  As I have said here before, no one in my family

ever remembers Lisa.....birthday or angel day.....so long ago,..... so the sentiments I get

from all my friends here at BI mean so very much to me.  Thanks to everyone.   

Dee------Your words always bring comfort.  Thank you so much.

WISHING    HAPPY     MOTHER'S    DAY   TO   ALL   MOMS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry    

[InHeavensKeeping]

Happy Birthday in Heaven Lisa xx Be close to your mum today let her feel your soft presence 

[hotrod]

Hello Sherry  I neglected to wish Baby Lisa a Happy Birthday.Please forgive me.. I  know how much loved she was and how you miss her .  

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[ericasmom]

Betty, our NYC sister! How wonderful to see your Stephen's beautiful smile again, and to read your heartfelt words. I do remember when you came to this site, I do remember the raw and clawing ache after Stephen died. Nine years, oh my. I can only say that I am glad that you felt the love those many days adn years ago, that you knew we were out there rooting for you then, and still now. Are you still taking walks and getting good coffee and bagels?

 

Stephen, for all of the time that has gone since your Mom found us a this place,I still see your smile and smile right back at you. May the Angel-Work you do lift your Momma and those others whose lives are made so much brighter when given the chance to sense the magic in our lives. Thank you-

 

[hotrod]

Dear Dee ,As usual you have touched my heart with your love  and lovely remembrance.  

Yes coffee and bagels are still on the menu

Be well my Dear Friend .

[InHeavensKeeping]

Sherry I'm glad you liked the poem I found. 

Missing James so much. I thought I would share this Hugs to all xxxx

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi Betty! You were the first person to reach out to me and guide me to this forum, back in December of 2011, as I had posted in a section but not this individual part of the forum. Thank you for that! So glad to have you back here!

Sherry, so sorry to have missed baby Lisa's Birthday! I love all the pics sent here for her! Yes, friends and even family sometimes make no mention, but glad we can be here for each other.

I will try to post some pics from my yard, as everything is growing from all the rain as of late. 

 

 

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here is a poster made for me by AVIDD, advocates of victims of impaired and distracted drivers.

 

[mikesmomrs]

Hello everyone...have been thinking of you all and wanted to come by and say hello and send wishes for joyful, comforting memories to fill your heart today.  You all are in my heart and always will be.  I found such love and comfort here when we lost our son, Mike, and you all helped me build a foundation on which to build healing and growth and a new path through my life.  As we all know, our healing is a personal journey, different for each of us...different timelines even, but yet the same, as we try to move forward and live our lives in honor of our beloved child.  It will be 10 years this October for me and the words just explode in my brain...ten years....impossible.  In two months Mike's two older boys will be 20 and 19 and his "baby" is 11 1/2.  Just so hard to keep up with the thought that they are no longer "little boys."  Mike's middle son, Kameron, has lived with me for almost two years now.  He is great company and oh my, a carbon copy of his dad...such a wonderful gift in our daily lives.  

So much sorrow and joy has been shared on these pages over the years..many besides myself have found much comfort here.  Thank you to all here for all you share and give to all of us.  May your day be threaded throughout with the sweetest of memories of Mother's days gone by, and may you feel your sweet child close by you.  

Sherry, your sweet baby girl, Lisa, is with you always, and Betty, your Stephen sits with you at your bagel and coffee times, smiling and watching his beautiful mother living her life.

My love to all, Carol, mikesmomrs