Loss of an Adult Child

[tobyfreefoot]

oh my gosh i have tried and tried to post. dee i tried to message you too. i was beside myself. though i don't get a chance to get on often i just can't lose touch with you all. love love love to all

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you all for such caring words and thoughts. As I was sitting at the grave today, the sun was out and it was warm for a change, I thought hard about this grieving journey trying to make some sense of it all. And I thought there's stages for me, the absolute dread and heart ache, going over and over the accident details,the unfairness of it all and the waking up everyday realising it's true and he won't come back.  Life for us was hard already with so much stress and worry and going through this I'm finding I can bearly cope. 

Sherry Susan is so right Thankyou it's such a comfort to know that you care. Xx

Laurie I thought the Angel story was so touching. I'm happy for that family X 

Thank you Dee, you give me hope, a place to start, as I can see how far you've come and how you guide and support us thank-you. Xx

Susan I use your words to help me everyday.  I miss James so much We were close and did a lot together and he still lived at home so it is the getting used to the emptiness thank you x

Diane Micheals Angelversary is two days after James's birthday you are right our time on this journey is close. That's why I couldn't bear to loose touch we need each other to get through. Take care xx

Becky sorry your having to go through the stress of the road speed and another fatel death on that road so hard for you and your family and the memories it evokes. Take care xx

God Bless everyone thank you again I'll pray for us all to see an Angel tonight xxx

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang, a comfort indeed to come here at the end of a day to bid everyone a good night.

Gretchen, man it is good to see you tonight. Since we don't see you as often as before and we were off-line for so long, I wondered if you were okay...wondering if we were coming back. Here we are, but as mentioned, some glitches still remain, send me a PM or to Laurie and leave your email address so that if ever we are unable to get on again, we have ability to communicate.

Sherry, I trust that you are having some of the wonderful weather we have had...it is a gentle rain this night, which we need, and the temperatures are mild.

Hope is a place to start Georgina, you are so right.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Dianne...thank you for that posting...so profound...so real. The 'upsurge of grief' still comes to me and I am in my 4th year. The last time I saw John David alive was April 8th....I slipped into a silent day and night....days before...and after...for what I do for myself is I just give in to it...I have earned the right to mourn...and grieve...I miss my boy. I find when I give in to it....not fight it or try to be stoic and 'chin up old girl'....then I seem to walk out of it...sorta like walking through a door. It is a sacred time for tears...and OH...the longing and yearning is so strong. We had no choice in this....but I do have a choice in how I allow my grief to teach me...I have a layer of empathy now that is very thick around my heart and spirit.

[ericasmom]

Dianne and All,

the second and subsequent years will find you finding out how! How to walk in each new day taking your beloved with you and free to mourn that he or she is no longer here the way we want...as Susan said, we have earned the right to grieve and mourn, no excuses need be made for anyone. Some days will feel better than others and it will be noticeable, but it takes a long while for that to happen, and what I would ask is that if you notice even an hour of feeling a bit lighter, know that it will happen again. It will. Life will happen all around you and at some point you will reach out to take a more active part in areas that right now, seem so fruitless or frivilous. I am promising you that over the next year you will take new turns and see some new things in yourself and in the world around you. I promise that you will find out how to find your steps but to be very patient with yourselves. Treat yoruself the ways you know your Children would want others to treat you. Please know that this is a process and most processes take time, no rush needed, just try to be here in this hour, then the next. We are with you.

[TearsInHeaven]

Sx

[Donnah]

Found this this morning 

[ericasmom]

Dianne, I think that you have to let yourself go to that pain and not fight it, you won't drown there, you will just have to submerge into it for a bit. We don't always know what triggers the depth of the blues, but I learned that if I fought it, I just felt so at wit's end and still sunk down when my energy was gone...so I go there when those times are upon me and I learn something while there. Sometimes we just have to mine the darkest parts of our spirit...you will rise up again. And while a year is an eternity of sorts without our children, you are still early on the road, be kind to you.I like the screenshot.

Donnah, what a nice piece you posted...thank you.

Everyone, gaze out at the full moon tonight, it is perfectly silver and round and bright. Make a wish.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hard to believe my boy would have been 20 today... Fifth birthday in heaven... Forever 15.

We will have a few of his closest friends and family here today for a time of fellowship and remembering. I wish so much he was here with us...

 

 

 

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...our Warrior Mom.....these 'marker' dates are felt more with parents that walk in your shoes....we know how 'the dread walk' starts in the days before...and how much the Mama and Daddy and family need to have their child honored, remembered and celebrated. We are holding you close today...and pray you find a sliver of comfort in that you do not face this alone. Sail On Sweet Boy...I pray you get some kind of sign that he is near.

[ericasmom]

Happy Birthday Jared, J.D., Beautiful Boy,

May the Angels put on a party of GIGANTIC proportions. Bless your Momma with a flutter of your love upon her shoulder, a beat of your heart in hers, a sound that is clear like your voice, let her feel you right there with her when she lies down tonight.

 

Becky, We are celebrating this fine day that brought Jared to your loving arms, filling your heart with all new love. It is forever.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Hello All, haven't been on for a bit due to still fighting bronchitis. My daughter also came down with it and had to be seen in Urgent Care late this week.

I have sent an email out from my personal email to all who responded and wanted to keep other contact information. You should have the email in your inbox.

Thanks to all who post here...I am just glad we are up and running.

I am hoping to be feeling better, and I really tired of the whole sinus infection/brochitis thing.

Thinking of you today Becky.

Hugs to all.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Jared xx

Thinking of you today Becky xx 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thsnk u all so much for the birthday wishes for my angel, Jared! 

We had a nice gathering of his friends and some of our family over, and we shared some of Jared's favorite foods, wrote messages on helium balloons that were his favorite rasta colors, and released them to heaven after singing him Happy Birthday! Then we painted black river rocks with whatever designs you chose, which when dried my husband will add a coat of polyurethane to, and we will place them around Jared's marker at the cemetery.  Then we had cake, whuch was yummy, designed this year with a picture of him in his restored Mustang. There were many memories shared all during the day yesterday, which made us all laugh to recall. It was a good day! I was very tired last night, and drifted easily to sleep! You are loved, Jared, and will never be forgotten! 

My oldest son,Jerry, my daughter, Jasmine, and Jerry's wife, Katy.

Tired me!

[ericasmom]

What a long journey Becky, one you never asked to be on, and one you never dreamed of smiling in again, but there you are, tired and feeling the love all around your Son and all of you, and yes, a smile inside and out.

the photos are great, love the rock idea...I am happy for the day to have brought so many together, that is your BOY!

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I loved the rock idea too! Looked like a lovely gathering of friends.

Saying hi to all..

Susan, thinking of you today. We are finally starting to warm up here a bit. Probably not as warm as down there. I think the warmer temps will help the bronchitis.

Feeling a bit better today...this was a long haul.

Hugs.

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....after someone goes through a hard and long crisis...and they hold themselves up during it....the aftermath can bring a physical or emotional breakdown....as we see in our Warrior Mom..Becky. I think all this is the result of your having to bear the hell of grieving for your Jesse David..and at the same time...keep fighting..keep the vigilance for justice for your boy. It seems all this has happened since the end of the court appearances, etc. We push our human bodies to the max...and then....I think the immune system seems to 'rest'....

I knew a parent that stood vigil over her son's hospital bed..he was severely crushed in a car accident that resulted in numerous surgeries and then rehab...the day after he came home...she simply collapsed and was put on bed rest for about a month.....

Just 'self care' and take all the time and rest you can....I think some warm weather will be a tonic for you and yours...we are having some great weather...Houston is drying out from the floods..and many areas are dealing with rising rivers/streams/creeks....we are fine in Brenham...

 

I think this posting says it all for me....I definitely live in a 'before and after' now...

Becky....what a healing celebration for your boy....I am glad there was laughter and a circle of loving and caring family and friends...your family is very handsome/pretty.....your smile seems to tell me that you were happy with yourself in that you left no stone unturned to have that special day remembered for your boy....am glad you got some of that healing sleep...

[daveydow1]

HAPPY  HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY,  JARED....... ANGEL IN  HEAVEN.

Becky & family........Your celebration of your beloved Jared's birthday was so

nice.  Love the painted rocks,  and the cake looks yummy.  Such a nice 

celebration to honor your dear son.   Peace to you.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Susan for the kind words. I do believe everything was made worse by the trial for sure.

Sherry, good to see your Davey's smiling face....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Picture someone left for me in another forum that I wanted to share:

Finally, for you, dedicated to your two sons, Jesse David and Taylor James, may they rest in peace and leave a hole in heaven open for their beloved mother who grieves with the angels for her dear and beloved children.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, absolutely beautiful...They are smiling on their Momma and wishing good health to prevail.

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

One year ago today, my dad left this world for heaven. He was 86 years young, and had survived open heart surgery in his 70's, only to be diagnosed with stage four cancer late in 2014, and remained at home with his wife of 65 years until just about a week before he died, so that he could be out of pain. I miss him so much, because he was my "go to" person for any questions regarding house and car maintenance. He and I put the fence in around our property, and did many projects inside my house as well. 

I have to say though, because the difference in the grief of losing my dad, and that of losing my son is profoundly different. Maybe because he lived a good and long life and was ready to go, whereas I feel that Jared was cheated at his chance to live out his life and his dreams, and that remains hurtful.

My dad, Bill, was Irish, and this saying has hung on the wall at their home as long as I can remember.

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...that is a very strong...statue....impressive..it reminds me of the way angels are described...very massive and powerful....(no cupids)...

Becky....I grieved for my parents in a different way because they had such a rich and full life...it was in the universal order....I still miss and think about them everyday............the grief I have for John David is beyond description...there are many shades of grief.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here are a couple of pics of my dad.

 

Me and Pop on his last Birthday, age 86.

 This one is discussing the plan to replace aluminum at the peak of his roof. This one is poolside at my house on Father's Day, 2014.

 This is Pop, my oldest son, Jerry, and my mom, Hazel.

[Mermaid Tears]

Aren't we glad we have photos....? Thanks for sharing....it is quite a different journey when one loses...'that Daddy'...

[Donnah]

Hi Becky, sounds like you had an awesome day celebrating Jareds birthday.

Last weekend about 20 guys who worked with Dylan came to their house and took out the massive hedge that was one of Dylan and Caits plans when they bought their home in September. The hedge was blocking all the sun in their back yard. It was a tribute to Dyan that so many hands came to help and reminds us that he was loved by so many. 

Today I am expecting the hospital draft review and woke up feeling sick and apprehensive as our dealings haven't been great so far. 

I agree about being so glad for photos. We have so many of Dylan that I'm able to look back and remember milestones, occasions and happy times spent together exploring our world. 

Love andk kindness to you all xx

[daveydow1]

Laurie-----Thanks for the pic of the Angel statue that someone sent you.  Yes....

Jesse David, baby Taylor James will be waiting to greet you........Angels in Heaven.

Hope that your bronchitis will clear up real soon.

 

Becky-------thank you for posting the nice family pics. Your dear dad looks like

a very kind soul. I know you must miss him very much.  My dad died almost 22 yrs.

ago, and I still miss him.....we were close.  Also,, thanks for posting the Irish Blessing...

always loved those words.

 

Donnah-----Your pics of family hard at work are so nice.  thanks for posting them.

 

Dee-----I'm glad that we're back to BI.  Seems like we were off for so long, although

it wasn't too long.  Just miss being on when there are glitches, either on the site's

end, or sometimes on my end.  

 

PEACE    AND    COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,......Sherry  

[ericasmom]

Back at you Sherry, it did seem longer than it was...I missed you all.
Becky, you and your Dad have the same Irish Eyes, pretty eyes. I am glad that you had a good father, I am glad for anyone that has those kinds of parents who would walk to the ends of the earth for you...it was what made me know I would be a parent of kids who knew that they were loved...by being a parent that was way different than my  own. My dad was a bad person, and when he died, I did not even go to the funeral. Mom died the summer before Erica, and while I grieved her death, it was more grieving what relationship I'd wished we had, she disowned me when Erica was born. So when I hear these lovely stories of good parents, it makes my heart happy.

Love the photos.

Donnah, my goodness that was a huge load of lumber from the hedge.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Donnah....thanks and thanks for sharing....with the grief we share on this site....to know we don't have to walk this grief journey alone...it is a tonic to all of us...to see the warm and caring friends and family that will come to be a part of the healing and caring circle...to show their love in ways too many to name...as small as being a part of the remembrance ceremony....to cleaning out a house...or flower bed...or....even hauling off tons of debris and logs....it is a testament to how they loved our child.....don't you feel hugged ?

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

I am finally getting to log in! I had to get adjusted to the new layout of the site. Things are hectic. But good. Being on my own (husband and I are doing counseling but giving it a lot of time) has been an interesting trip. Not easy but I can say I've felt so good about everything I've accomplished. My little farm I started, I believe has saved my life in many ways. Winter was hard but spring has brought new life. At one point I had Baby bunnies in the barn, baby chicks in the garage, baby ducks in my bathtub and one wayward little goat in my bedroom. 

 

Aiden loves everything about this journey we're on and I love that Zak will have this experience before going out into the world. 

 

I feel like everything I do ... I do with my girl in my heart. I know she loves this little place. I know she had her hand in bringing it all together. This little farm is my way to honor her and everything she believed in. 

 

The farm is officially mine now... In my name only which was huge for me. 

 

I know I've missed so much... Birthdays and anniversaries. I want to try to be here more. My internet is sketchy on a good day... And my computer is down. I do everything on my phone and am getting a little better at it. In some ways it's difficult but in others... Being a bit disconnected is good for me. I don't know if that makes sense. 

 

Becky, I loved all the pictures and the stones were so beautiful! I paint stones with Aiden for Trista's garden and site. I loved seeing all of those beautiful stones together. 

 

I'm finally going to be able to have Trista's memorial stone placed. That will be so emotional but such a relief. 

 

I'm going to include some pictures of the farm and of my little bottle baby, Liam. 

 

Love to all, Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Donnah, how thoughtful that Dylan's friends came over and helped out. The kind of news you are waiting to hear is always difficult. Hugs.

Becky, thanks for sharing the pictures of your dad. I like the Irish Blessing. How special was your relationship with your dad!

Sherry, glad to see your post. I know it was a challenge for awhile to get on the site.

Thanks Susan, Sherry and Dee for the comments on the angel pic. It was very special to me, sent by a special lady.

Shannon, good to see your post. I love the farm and the curvy path that leads to the door. The baby goat the size of your cat was adorable.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, I so love all of your photos, the house looks as I imagined, so perfectly you, and the boys look to be thriving alongside all of the wildlife. I am thrilled that you are feeling as you are right now, the rebirth, and stepping back to see what you have created in your farm, your home, Just Your Name Home. I am proud of you Girl. Keep on keepin on and post when you can.

[ericasmom]

HOPE for everyone in the path of the last few days of storms...heavy duty rainfall and hail...tornadoes? Peace out All.

[TearsInHeaven]

 

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Dianne....when people read that plaque...they will know for sure...how your son was loved and how he loved. It is perfect. I think all the parents on this site will agree that 'when' we share a word or words and they give a sliver of comfort, hope or healing...then our hearts are joined. That is the way it should be...we are on this earth home to help one another and give encouragement. When my Mama was in her hospital bed...she asked if I would say something at her funeral. I read the reading..'Death is nothing at all'....later...my Dad died 8 months later and we used it in his Memorial service.....John David really liked it and always had a copy with him...and we included it for his Memorial service. All these years....I will pull it out and re-read it...when I am sinking into a deep grief....or when 'all the booger Men come out of the closet'.....it never fails to give me a spiritual hug...a little boost to help me get on my feet and move ahead.

'You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what he'd want: Smile. Open your eyes. Love and go on.' Please share a picture of the plaque and tree.

 

Shannon...thank you so so much for sharing those photos....many of us feel like we have been close to you on your grief journey for your Trista...so many times I would cringe for the situations and circumstances caused by other people that happened to you. I do believe your girl was leading you in spirit...your intuition was right on the mark. You knew what you and your boys needed...and you knew where you and your boys would get healing. I am so proud of you. That 'home' is perfect.....it's uncanny but that is just what I pictured when you described the place when you found it. I think your boys will learn the ultimate lesson in caring for animals...Mother Nature is the ultimate healer...and teacher. I always knew that Father Time and Mother Nature would be my best physician and professor. That photo of Aiden speaks volumes in how he is thriving. I know how much you miss your girl...I know you are carrying her with you....like we all learn to carry that child that does not walk the earth home anymore....I feel John David very close at times. I have lots of gratitude in my heart for where you are now.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

 

[ericasmom]

Dianne, I love that your Cousin, Mike's Godmom, will be helping you with the tree. It feels so good sometimes when a simple acknowledgement comes from someone nearby doesn't it? Yes, writing something a bit hopeful is a good message and I think we leave those words for others because we really want our Kids to be remembered with a smile, to be remembered for the laughter or the care that our Kids caused. We lead even in our broken days and nights, we lead those others to a place where we give permission to laugh again. Our Kids want this. Michael must be proud of you.

 

[ericasmom]

Becky, I love those swift moving balloons, racing toward heaven.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....those balloons are so pretty....

 

The passage of time when grieving has become such a strange part of this journey....for me.

[daveydow1]

Becky------Just love the balloon video.  Soaring off to

heaven, with love,  to your sweet Jared.  Thanks for posting it.

 

PEACE  TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry 

[Mermaid Tears]

This is a part of the grief journey that we struggle with and our hearts break over....we have to face the facts that the Christmas celebration...the family get-togethers...the family vacations....will have that broken circle....the empty seat....Dee once said...she does not accept that her child died...she does accept that her child is no longer walking on this earth home....there is a difference in acceptance and surrender...

[ericasmom]

Right on Susan, life does go on, and for a long while it may seem futile, but life has to go on, We are the keepers of so much love and light, we learn along the way that sharing it daily will never deplete the supply, it is as forever as our own love...we find our way and while the circle seems broken, we are broken by the missing, they really are right there, joining in, in a new way, reminding us in all we do, that death is not the end...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Dianne....that has become one of my very favorite go to poems....I re-read my favorites to give me a zing to my heart...a little shine to my forever tired spirit...I realized waking up one morning that 'I was changing'....and I have known many hostile...aggressive...hateful...bitter....people...(we all have them around us and even in our families)...I knew deep inside I didn't want to become like them...but I could feel myself slipping sideways on this slippery slope and I had to catch myself and do some reading and 'mindful' thinking. We had no choice in losing our child...but we all make choices through out our day. I learned years and years ago how to re-adjust my attitude....my Dad taught me that when your attitude is good..you will find a way. When your attitude is bad...you will hit a brick wall every time. There is no re-adjustment issues in dealing with this kind of grief. I am still learning . Each day is different. That is why we all 'take it one day at a time'...and pray a lot.

[daveydow1]

Dianne......Thanks so much for that lovely poem. It sure puts positive and

comforting insight into dealing with this road we're on.  Our angels are always with us.

 

Dee------Your words are so wise and appreciated.  Yes, we must go on in life. There

are others who love & rely on us, and our love for them is a constant reminder

that we must go on.   Our dear angels are by our side........all the time.

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY  TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

 

[tobyfreefoot]

will have a chance to get on tomorrow evening. so happy up and running again! love love love you all

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of everyone today...letting everyone know how much I appreciate reading and viewing everything that is posted....

Dee, I was inspired by what you posted, so here is a token of my appreciation to you, and to all those who have stayed on to walk this journey together...

 

[ericasmom]

Laurie Dear,

how sweet and lovely to have my thoughts put to such a pretty background with pink text. Thank you. It is within us and all around us, we shine their light. We are their orbiting moon, shining out their love.

Sherry good to see you, you and Laurie and Colleen, and Sandy and Dianne too among others, have this chilly time with lots of rain right now, the pattern should break on Monday. Hopefully anyhow, my goodness it is chilly and gray out. My flowers are blooming but it is not the weather to be out among them without a pair of galoshes and umbrella and raincoats.

Dianne, that poem is also one of my favorites too, read it soon after Erica died and wept. It reminds us once again, that there is more after this life.