Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Silver.....that is one movie I watch every year...also...'The Man Who Came to Dinner'....my Grama and I would watch certain ones each year on the late show....it was 85 on Thanksgiving...88 on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day....we crank the air conditioner way down.....now...we have this front with lots of rain....temps are dropping by the hour......I woke up this morning and all I could muster was...I am so glad it is OVER....

 

 

Dee....they are really growing....see stars in their eyes.....your GRANDdaugher and our Tay had the same kind of hair...Tay's hair finally started growing when she was about 4-5.....her twin...Hunter Bear had this thick, wavy chestnut brown hair to his shoulders by 2.....Randa knew they got it mixed up in the womb....

 

Gretchen.....and Wade....thanks for sharing.....we have to be at this place where the only thing we can do for our child...is honor their resting/memorial place.....we just can't cut off that natural parent's hands and heart to do 'something' for our child...for that is as normal as breathing in and out.....love is a verb....it is action.....and we will do all we can to 'do' for our child...

[silverkitties]

"The Man who came to dinner" was a movie my mom and I were going to borrow from the library: we always liked doing classics, especially around Xmas and New Year's. The last one we watched together was "The Philadelphia Story." 

 

88 around Xmas....that is just too bizarre. Glad you are getting normal temps again! 

[ericasmom]

Oh, I watched Christmas in Connecticut the other night Evelyn. Yes, the man who came to dinner is a great one as is Miracle on 34th Street, and so many others. I watched them all as a young one with my Mom, we loved them together.

Wow, I can't believe it is warm enough to read on the deck Evelyn...it is rainy here again, so gloomy, so grey. I went out for a long walk, but it sure isn't inspiring weather. It is cold and damp and dark.

Thanks for the kid-compliments. They are dolly's. Susan, I love that your grandson had the wavy thick hair, same was true with my son and daughter, Erica had the fine straight hair and Jon had the thick shiny waves.

[silverkitties]

Silver here, Dee;)  Yes, like Evelyn, I lived in IL; it turns out she works at the very hospital where my family used to go to in Chicago (it's a small world). Was just out on the deck....it's nearly 70F in CT, much warmer than other winters since 2007 when I moved here. There's a lot of dampness too as it's been raining for the past few days. Honestly, it feels more like Memorial Day than Xmas....kept thinking yesterday was Tuesday!

[ericasmom]

Sorry Silver, for some reason, and I really don't know why, I thought that you were Evelyn. Sorry to have had you mixed up. Where in Chicago did you live? I am just outside of Chicago but lived in the city as a kid. What hospital did your family use?

 

[silverkitties]

That's OK, Dee--how often do you find people from the exact same city on a website?! (Actually, Eve and I share some other interesting coincidences: we are nearly the same age and our moms died 10 days apart.) I grew up in Evanston, but lived on Michigan Avenue in the 1990s after college: right across from the Nordie's mall and the Marriott hotel. I used to have a clear view of the Chicago river and lake but unfortunately, that got blocked by new high rises after 2005: one of the reasons why I wanted to move. 

 

Our family relied on Evanston hospital as well as Northwestern Memorial. The latter was just 3 blocks away from us in Chicago.  

[ericasmom]

Wow, so close and yet so far away...I have been known to visit that Nordstroms in my day. Love the Gold-Coast.  Beyond losing your lovely view of the river and lakefront, why and when did  you move to Connecticut? I think it is amazing that Eve too had similar circumstances though I do not remember where she is now living.

[silverkitties]

I was teaching online for a university in NYC and working for a testing service (the name gives it away=) in NJ. The university would only offer health benefits to those in NY, NJ, and CT, so I chose CT because it was seemingly the least expensive in terms of housing: it was a good excuse for me to move back to the east coast. (I actually spent my childhood in the Bronx and NJ and attended college in MA.)  My parents decided to tag along so we sold the house and condo and moved here.

 

I like to joke that I brought a bit of Illinois with me. There was a tornado warning the day we got there--very rare in CT. The first bird we saw in our yard was a cardinal--and I had never seen a cardinal in our IL yard!

 

Eve is still out in IL; I don't remember where she lives but I know she works in Chicago. 

 

Where are you?   

[Mermaid Tears]

how I love that our 'people' find a connection....

I found the connection with the 'dates'....so special....

[silverkitties]

Mermaid, it was interesting because after I wrote about my experience w/ Mom's cancer and death, Eve wrote to me to say that she had a very similar story. Lo and behold, our moms were nearly the same age, they both suffered strokes right before they died in October, and their deaths were 9 days apart. Then when we started corresponding, we discovered that we were also nearly the same age and that she lived in the Chicago area. She had even worked at some of the places my mom and I visited! 

 

But, of course, the most important bond we have is our intense grief for the passing of our moms that so few understand. Yes, we have always been aware that we most likely outlive our moms....but when our bonds have been so tight over the years, if not decades, how does one let go so quickly? That's how Eve and I--and indeed others on the parent loss forum--came to relate to one another. We cry--and laugh--knowing that there are people who scratch their heads when reading our 40- and 50-some-year-old wailings for M-O-M-M-M-Y! "I WANT MY M-O-M-M-M-M-Y :lol:"  

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[ericasmom]

Becky, how true. And we were christened warriors unwittingly as we stood upon the shaky ground to find our pieces.

 

Silver, I have nephews scattered around the city, two in Rodgers Park, two on the north side.

 

Today it is raining ice and the wind is boss!

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky..our Warrior Mom......

    I forget what 'time' I was at on this grief journey when Dee posted..'we are so brave to live one more day when our child has passed'......

    and it stayed with me that we are 'so brave'.....even though we feel as if we fall apart every 2 hours...have many melt downs....break downs....we carry on.....4 steps up.....5 back...and rise to do it all again....

 

 

Silver.....I still miss my Dad and Mom....there has not been a day since they 'left' that I do not think of them....some days I really need them....I sometimes wonder if this grief journey would be worse or better if they were here when John David passed.....I feel as if they were 'spared' this horrific grief...

[silverkitties]

_{Mermaid, that's a tough question....I guess in some ways you could say they were blessed to pass when they did in the belief that you had the happiest life ever with your family. But yes, parents can offer that special balm....nowadays, I've been thinking to myself what it's going to be like when my kitties finally pass. I don't even want to think how distraught I will be.} 

 

Grief is such an unpredictable journey. There are days when I think I'm definitely improving: like when I dream about my mom AND manage to laugh about it in the morning--for instance, laughing that I had yet another dream when I'm shopping with her.  LOL, I think; here we go again--shopping! 

 

But then, there are days when all sorts of triggers make us long for those we're missing. I'll see something I wore when I visited her at the hospital and remember that day....or I'll see something that we bought on our of "expeditions" and memories of that time will resurface with a vengeance. I'll feel an intense pang, wanting to return so badly to those days.  Why does it feel as if everything is a "trigger?" (It doesn't help that I'm a historian....and always thinking of the past.) 

 

Having said that, I recall a very bad day a few weeks ago when I was visiting my father who had just been transferred to rehab from the hospital.  I kept thinking of the times I visited mom in rehab and how hopeful we felt. As soon as I got home, I cried multiple times....I thought this is so bizarre; I have not felt like this in ages. Why do I feel so depressed? Like I just lost her yesterday? Then when I went to the bathroom....I realized it was THAT time of the month. I felt a huge sense of relief....that I wasn't regressing altogether:) 

 

Nonetheless, it can be hell. 

 

Uh-oh, Dee-- if you guys are getting rain and wind, it means we'll be getting it in a day or so! 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Gretchen, your son's picture really struck a cord with me --- just wanted to send a hug to him and you....I think of how my own daughter has struggled since the loss of her brother...I can identify with the whole meltdown...some days are better than others.......

 

Wade, the picture of Brooks grave site showed such love and care...you may find some help from a grief counselor...I went for awhile and so did my daughter...they are helpful just to have someone to vent to...that is outside of the circle of people we rub shoulders with...sending you gentle thoughts.

 

Georgina, thanks for the update regarding your son James' case. Also, thanks for sharing the songs.

 

Dee, how nice the picture of your son and grandchildren...it sounds like you have been in the Chicago area for a long time...my husband and I went there for an anniversary many years ago...we stayed at a hotel downtown...by the river where the bridges cross over...I remember needing something from a pharmacy...and told my husband to just drop me off at the doors...45 minutes later, he made it around the block!

 

Susan, "we made it, and we are very, very brave..." yes, it takes a certain nerve to get up every day and face this reality....

 

Silver, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this site...it sounds like you did a lot of caretaking for both your parents...I have older parents too and my dad has struggled a lot more with his health these days...

 

Becky, the pic of the Lion with the Cross was so elegant...and said the message so well....we are still not quite done with the trial process...still waiting to hear on the compensation part...she had her lawyer fight us tooth-and-nail on everything...then offered us an "apology" in court which I refused...why bother saying your sorry when by your behavior you are not...that is what I wanted to say...

 

...I am really having a bad kind of day...wishing better for everyone else...

 

Thinking of all Indigoes...

[ericasmom]

To those who have lost a parent, H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald is a book, memoir about the loss of one's parent, just out and considered to be a great book. I have not read it, but it was on a list of must-reads. It sounds amazingly lovely.

 

Laurie, good to see you here today, even if you are having one of those wicked days. The weather is awful and I usually like a storm but this one prevents one from getting outside with the blowing ice. I will however pick up my Daughter-in-law from the train this evening as it is dangerous to walk as the ice is 1 inch thick and still raining down under high winds. I love your story of your husband going around the block and taking 45 minutes. That is downtown alright.

Laurie, I went to my dear therapist today, going in a month as well, but she is more than grief counseling, she and I have known each other since I was 28, and I found her when I first had Erica. I had to deal with the sexual abuse I endured as a child, it was at the forefront upon having a girl. Good thing I found Karen too, because soon after, my parents disowned me, felt I had robbed them of their golden years with my allegations. (My allegations came to light when I found out that my father also was abusing my niece). So I was let go of, no longer welcome to be with my Mom because it would mean she had to acknowledge the robbery of my childhood and innocence right down the hall from her every night. I was 28, two kids, an alcoholic husband and a creepy dad that kept calling me suggesting bad things...good thing I had established a relationship with Karen who over the manyyears, I have returned to find new tools in which to deal with the many issues in life...and then Erica died. I went back to the woman who I sought out upon ERica's birth, to help me through Erica's death. Those amazing circles in life. And so Karen is a neighbor to the family who recently lost their Baby Boy, and we talked a lot about that sadness, that hurt. I have over the years sent several families to Karen, each time I send someone there I feel happy to know that she will be able to reach into their little hurting parts and help them find ways to heal.

I don't blame you for not accepting the apology, too late and too little meaning behind it. Hang on Laurie, hang on.

[daveydow1]

Wade---So good to see your post.  Yes---I guess we all just have to keep going

as best we can, but know how difficult it is at the holidays.  I think that it's

a relief when they are behind us for another year.  Not that we don't find some

enjoyment in them, but still a bit relieved, too.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Dee----I, too, gazed at the 'cold moon' on Christmas Eve,  and  on Christmas

night.  Very large moon.  It was so beautiful showing behind the bare tree

branches.  thanks for the lovely pics of your son and the grandies.  

 

Georgina-----thanks for the update on James'  case.  Praying for justice

to be served for your dear son.

 

WISHING   PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Dee...sending prayers for a safe trip to get your daughter-in-law. The ice sounds terrible. The snow is coming down by the tons up here...my daughter is due off work now...my husband and I may be making a trip in to Marshfield to get her...
 
I am sorry to hear of the sexual abuse. It seems like too often the victim gets re-victimized and/or there is tremendous denial on the part of those who should protect. One lady that I had known for many years at our church...she found out the husband she had recently married was sexually abusing his daughter from a previous marriage for years. What's more, he got involved with yet another woman with many children and was doing things with her too. This woman I had known got an STD from him, and no one in the church wanted to listen to her, (told her the story was just too hard to hear). I stood on the sidewalk listening to her as the tears fell...all it took was to listen with compassion. (She did divorce him, and the step-daughter was in counseling which helped her). I think sexual abuse is a very hard thing to "recover" from...that is probably not the right word, as the wounds are so deep, and trauma so internalized...it seems like there is a great deal of denial that goes around this kind of thing...and wrong reactions often directed at those victimized. I send gentle thoughts and compassion tonight...

[daveydow1]

Laurie----I, so, know what you mean about the 'empty' apology. Glad

that you rejected it. The words are meaningless, really. That's how we

felt when we got those mumbled and insincere words. He might just as well skipped

it altogether.

 

sherry 

[silverkitties]

Jesse David's Mom--caretaking can indeed be very challenging; I hope your dad is OK.....at the moment, i am just hyperventilating. Don't want to be a drama queen but I sometimes wonder how much I can take with my dad. My mom was a whole different issue since we shared a very loving bond....even when we had arguments during her illness, we always came together.

 

Dee, thanks for the book suggestion: I will look that up!  

 

I am in awe of you....You have had a most challenging life--to put it mildly: I almost feel guilty for complaining.

 

In the meantime, I can feel the new cold snap spreading over to the east. In a way, it's a relief as this warm weather is making me lose all track of time.  I hope the rest of you have more than survived the tornadoes, floods, and other storms from this past week. Stay safe!

[ELindauer]

As we have gone through the Christmas season, I have been trying to keep an old adage in mind:

 

     "Do not let the life that you think you should be living keep you from living the life that you could be living."

 

But, of course, I miss my lovely daughter so much and think that it didn't have to be this way. 

 

I appreciate all of your posts and hope that some of the joys of the season have been yours.    

 

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Elin..... "Do not let the life that you think you should be living keep you from living the life that you could be living."

 

 

very profound message....thank you....so sorry to hear of the grief journey you are on....one must dwell on those words....and think how they can be fitted into what we are experiencing....thank you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....thank you again for sharing.....

 

sometimes I will read a post....from a parent....and read of the situations....a parent has to deal with...along with this kind of grief....and I shudder....the blessing for me with you....is that you found this 'person' to help you deal with that experience and bring you along in such a way.....to give you a map of where to put your feet to find the most support....and then she was there to help you find another kind of footing on this grief journey...and now....(please tell her)....we are the recipients of that caring bridge she made for you to walk along...

    and now you pass the support and understanding to all of us....we all are richer and benefits of that 'care'....

 

I pray you will find a safe way of getting your lovely daughter-in-law from the train and to her home....that all will be safe and sound....your weather is beyond 'wicked'.....

 

our weather in our 'sweet spot' in Texas has only been with lots of rain...and falling temps....we went from 85 to 35....but that is Texas....it will be in the 70's in a few days...

 

 

our 'new little man'.....and the weather in Texas.....

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie.....I hope you and your husband will be able to fetch your beautiful daughter and gather her up and bring her safely to your home in the snow storm....

    I really don't know if I could adapt to all that winter kind of weather....me...being such a South Texas gal....I would probably have to have a room as large as my house and put every kind of food and stuff in it to last me til the Spring....when I would venture out....

 

today.....I am so glad that Christmas if OVER.....I don't want to go through that again.....

     I told my son, Jesse, when I was at his house the day after Christmas....that I must figure out another way of doing all this...by next year.....who knows ? maybe I will take one of those cruises....which is not like me....but....something other than this year.....I don't know 'the why' this year was like going uphill every day....but it was a struggle.....

    maybe rent a place around Colorado Springs....let Daniel ski....I put decorations on the tree and all it did was make me so very, very sad....but I do it for the GRANDchildren...what if I just created another scenario...to look out the window and see something different....instead of the front door where he will never come in again....

 

if you are having a bad day....we are all here to hear you....and we are all with you....

[ericasmom]

All is well, I only had 4 blocks to drive and 8 back to Shannon's house. Now the temps are warming so that in the morning, the ice should be melted. I like plain old snow, not this roller coaster of temperatures that are so unnatural for winters in the mid-west. I will say however, that if this El Nino helps out the drought striken areas, I will quit complaining.

 

Never feel guilty for complaining or grieving, my life formed as it did and I worked through the loss that ensued through the abuse and subsequent disowning, while not easy and traumatizing, I somehow formed into who I am and because of my expereinces, can better help those I meet in life who has similar issues.  I found I had post traumatic syndrome about three years after Erica was killed; auditory play-back of all that happened that night to my Girl, overactive response to sounds, to noise, to phone calls at night...my therapist believes that it was the early abuse that left me ripe for PTSD...I agree, once we have a big trauma in life, subsequent traumas can set you up for your nervous system to be out of whack.

Learning how to turn the sounds off, or as I used to say, turn the channel of my brain, I can live with more peace and joy.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sherry, I appreciate the thoughts. I know you have walked this path too...very difficult to listen to an attorney make up a bunch of crap about your kid and there you sit, listening to the bullcrap stories during the trial process. She could have stopped that at any time and came clean with the events of the day but chose not too. As Dee said, too little, too late.

 

Susan, I showed the picture of your grandson in shorts to my daughter and read her the temps that you guys have down there. We have a foot of snow here. Had to smile though...Wisconsin is the only state that you can have three seasons all in one day, all in the same spot.

 

Dee, I too have PTSD, and this has not made it any easier. I still have my prescription of Lorazepam and take a half dose on the bad days. It does take the edge off and levels me out. Glad it was such a short distance to drive your DIL, Shannon.

 

Silver, yes, my dad would definitely be the harder one to take care of between my parents...my mom is much easier going.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

Laurie...here is the Sea Goddess...on display.....so many friends that came on Christmas Eve for Gumbo wanted to see her because Randa and I posted photos on FB.....'she' is quite the celebrity....

[silverkitties]

Dee, I think even if you weren't abused as a child, you would probably still have PTSD after your daughter's accident. Many of us in the parent loss forum continue to have vivid recollections of the last moments....even though the deaths were easier to anticipate given our parents'  respective illnesses.  

 

I know I was constantly haunted by thoughts of what I could have done differently in the first few months; it's taken me a while to accept that what I did was rational given the circumstances. And yet, misgivings still run through my head whenever I see commercials on cancer treatment and alleviation (this is explored at length in my threads, Still missing my mom and Approaching the first anniversary). In fact, just the other week, I was kicking myself for having sent my mom to that very hospital....there had been a famous case of the hospital defending an endocrinologist guilty of sexually molesting hundreds of children for some 30 years; how could I have missed the news, even if I didn't have a subscription to our local newspaper? 

 

A friend's brother died a few years ago of throat cancer at the age of 41; his mom still visualizes and dreams about his last 2 weeks in hospice. My friend thinks it's strange since the cancer was expected to be terminal, but I understand where her mom is coming from...the fact is, we're still trying to make sense of our tragedies.

 

Mermaid, that is a stunning Xmas display....I do like your mermaid and your son's ornaments!

 

In the meantime, we just got our snow and ice. Jesse David's Mom, Wisconsin weather is not all that different from Illinois weather: I remember one time when we went from 80F to 30F in one day back in 1991. 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, thanks for sharing the picture of the Sea Goddess. I am glad she is a blessing to your friends and family and that everyone had a chance to see her. What a wonderful match to the pink sea shell next to her.

 

I went to show you how I displayed the card with the pictures of your son. I am attaching it below. On this display, is my blue Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Butterfly...I received it when I wrote to Carol Kearns, the grief counselor who mentored under her. The small angel is for my infant son, Taylor.

[Mermaid Tears]

how honored I am....to be with that sacred place with your 'boys'....I feel as if I am in a 'special' place....thank you for putting my card there....I am above it all....if only in our 'place'....with our boys.....they do love their Mama's...for sure....

[Jeff's Mom]

Just stopping by to say "Hello" to everyone. I certainly hope that this upcoming New Year will be less stressful and you will begin to see signs of healing.

 

We are enjoying wonderful weather. The days are quite warm for us...which gives us the opportunity to get out for those much loved hikes. We headed into the city yesterday to see Brooklyn the movie. Gosh, did I ever recognize my family history. Scary as it is! Anyway, now I know why my skin is so gosh darned pale.... and I am not sick after all!!!!  Forget tanning...I burn like crazy. 

 

We managed to have quite a lovely holiday. It was spent quietly, but was very nice. I will say that after six years that the searing pain of our loss is not as bad as it was at the beginning. Certain carols will always fill my eyes with tears and the memories will come flooding back.

 

Silver, I have come to be able to block out those last days. I have witnessed several deaths in our family as I stood at their bed at the end. Death is a difficult process and very hard to watch. Somehow I have managed to push that part to the back and focus on the really good memories that I have of better and healthier times. Losing our parents is very difficult...and it also depends on the relationship we shared with that person. If we were close we feel set adrift and need that time to find a safe ground again where we can feel comfortable. I will always miss all of my family that have passed away. For various reasons. They have touched my life in a personal and special way. Their absence will always be felt at special times during the year.

 

I am thinking of everyone here... both old and new. My wish is that you find a sense of comfort in this New Year and that you will surround yourself with the love that you shared with your child allowing it to help you along this difficult path. Love to All, Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Kate...you have such a warm way of sharing your care and consideration....and words of wisdom learned in a very hard lesson....

 

I don't know the 'why' of it....I started dreading this holiday season in August at John David's angelversary in Port Aransas....I had to keep strong boundaries on the music....very emotional....I sometimes felt like I was tied to this earth home by one string....

 

I am so glad it is over....putting all the decorations today....and that is emotional...hoping I can balance myself and get back on track.....trying to find a place between Grace and Grief.....easier said than done...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Yes, Sunshine and starlight and all the light that we can possibly take in, let us be open to it, especially the light from our Beloved Ones.

 

Kate, so good to know that you and Ross enjoyed a quietly beautiful holiday. It is good to know that the searing ache has given way to the wrapped in his love kind of missing. It is a much kinder day when that change takes place.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

Thank you, Dianne.....ever since John David passed.....I have felt like I have one foot in one world...and another foot in another.....

    Time has another 'tick-tock' sound and feel....

 

I keep having to adjust my balance....my attitude....I am all over the place with emotional thoughts...I am in the here and now..and in a nano second can be transported in memory....

   I hear a song and think...John David was 'xx' old....

I have a definite before and after....

 

there is a difference in acceptance and surrender...

there is a difference in living and surviving...

 

it is like walking and then having the ground drop away like shifting sand....it is hard to get a foothold some days...

 

I guess I am in a thinking mood today.....

[Mermaid Tears]

The start of a new year reminds us all that time is passing. Sometimes it seems to go so quickly and other times life can be painstakingly slow. Taking some time to consider how moving into the next year affects your grief could help your healing process. You might have many realizations about your loss hit you at various times over the next few days to weeks. This is a new year, a year that will not include your deceased loved one. You’ll hear yourself say phrases like, “She died last year,” or, “He died in 2015,” and you’ll be struck by how far away you feel from the days they lived and the day they died.  In a sense, your loved one may feel more distant, unreachable. Consider this:

• Allow yourself to acknowledge the start of the new year as part of your grief. Think about what the new year means for you and your loss. Let yourself have whatever thoughts come and feel whatever feelings stir.
• You may wrestle with mixed emotions about the end of 2015. Perhaps you feel relieved to be ending 2015 but at the same time feel disloyal, as though you’re leaving your deceased loved one behind or being forced to let go of them too soon.
• The end of 2015 might feel like yet another loss and could exacerbate your grief symptoms for a short time. Take extra good care of yourself now and at all times while grieving.
• Maybe you’re ready to leave 2015 in the dust. Perhaps you’ve been eager to start a new year, a fresh beginning with the hopes of feeling better with the turn of the calendar.

We have to remember one thing. There’s nothing easy about going through grief and there is no magic way to healing. The only way, the only healthy way, to get to and through the New Year is to think about it. And feel about it. Today. Because tomorrow you will do it again, for tomorrow. And time will pass that way for a while, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, eventually easing your pain and anguish of losing your loved one. Thanks to time, you’ll been able to learn how to still love them in the next year while they remain in your past. Peaceful New Year.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

I love this poem.....it is important for me...and all the parents to remind us and each other...how very, very brave we are...

[ericasmom]

Susan, you are so right, it often is a thinking day, one in which we need to fold up the last of this year and embark on a new...it can be scary, it can be a relief to be upon something new, it can be mournful to let go of something that once held our Child.

I remember awaiting 2004, the first NEW YEAR after Erica was killed, and I wondered how to let go of something so dear, a year that she spent 6 months of alive..but I found I never had to give that away, lose it, forget it...it is always with me.

A ritual I began after Eri died was to write down my hopes and worries and go outside at midnight and burn it...releasing it to the world, allowing both my hopes and worries to fly freely. It is something that feels cleansing.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....I think I will do that....write it all down that is in my heart and thoughts....and then give it to God/Mother/Father of the Universe...

 

As all parents know....we just cannot share what we are thinking 24/7....with family....I think I would be pouring salt into wounds....so....we keep many thoughts, memories and longings to ourselves....at some time....they need to be released...to cleanse our souls and broken hearts and give them space for healing....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

This year will be the start of my 4th year on the grief journey....

 

Sending blessings to all the parents that walk this path with me....

 

the most important lesson I have learned....this wisdom....

 

wisdom comes from hard lessons learned and mistakes...and grief that can break your heart wide open...

 

that when you find those that walk in your shoes....when you find you don't have to go this kind of grief alone...allows a parent to understand...it is ok not to be ok....that lesson has been most healing for me.

[ericasmom]

Susan, I love that screen shot...thanks, and light indeed is what I wish for you and everyone here. Light. I liken us to he moon, who at times goes dark, but at other times reflects the light from the sun to spread over the Earth. I ask our Lord and Angels to Help us reflect all the light as we find our way so that we may light the way for others.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Peace and hugs to all on this journey of grief in this new year xx

[ericasmom]

Thank you Georgina for that lovely heartfelt song. So very pretty. Peace and more peace to you my Friend, to us All.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Inspiring story on how a young man who transitioned continues to share his light on others, may the love of your child(ren) shine in your life today.

 

[Sholl1955]

Susan, This year is also the 4th year for me too and I very much agree with the wisdom that it is ok not to be ok!  And it is ok to quit trying to convince others of this fact when they want us to be all ok and who we were before.  They can't understand and it is ok to be who we now are and as we maneuver the hills and valleys of this journey the best way we can.  I am thankful for this site and the special people here.

 

Wishing everyone a year of comfort blessings.

 

Sandy

[tobyfreefoot]

i let my husband decorate the tree. i just can't do it without sobbing.

 

a funny thing happened new year's eve. figured forest would have laughed like crazy.

 

So went out to check on things at the cemetery after all the flooding.

ashlie's little thing i have for her so her friends have a place to remember her

 

LOL the pond had risen very high and then receded leaving behind all the pumpkins that had been thrown in the pond weeks ago ha ha they were all over the cemetery lol i had to throw them all back. Hopefully they will stay put until they decompose this time

 

i played with the kids new year's eve while OU lost their ball game

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, love the pumpkin story, how wonderful...sounds like Forest to have brought them up to spread about.

 

The Grandbabies are adorable. I wish you a wonderful new year, every year.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, what an incredible story, a wonderful affirmation of life for all of us, thank you so much. You really find inspirational material for everyone. A gift you have shared readily.

 

Sandy, nice to see you on this first evening of the new year. I hope that you had time with the Girls and your new Grandie as well. How is Rachael? How is your Husband? I am wrapping a hug around you.

 

Sherry, I hope that you are warm and sitting by the fire. We had normal January temps today, which I welcome, but because of the earlier warmer temps, they seem colder if not dressed just right. How was your holiday time?

[Mermaid Tears]

it is late....I have had a full house today....but want to relate what happened yesterday....am tired....want to be able to post an account of it all....in true form....only parents on this site will relate....no coincidences....