Debbie Downer Days...

[widower2]

1 hour ago, shawnt said:

Only the good die young. Or that's how it feels to me. I am sorry you lost your friend. 

Thanks. Yes, if she was like in her 80s, it would still be bad, but I could accept that as part of life and she lived all of hers, but she was in her 50s. 

[KayC]

Yes, my George had turned 51 five days before....died on Father's Day no less.  I thought he had at LEAST 20 years left!

[widower2]

My beloved was 56. I hear you. Of course it's horrible at any age, but I think I could have accepted her passing much better if we were both nearer the end game so to speak. 

[KayC]

Exactly. It always hits you, like why do some get to make it until their 90s and some are cut short young?

[shawnt]

My parents were married for 60+ years, they had a great life. When my Mom died one of the things my dad said was he thought they would have more time. I don't think age matters ; or time together, when you lose 1\2 your soul it hurts the same. Our hearts don't know how old we are they only know what's missing.

[Gail 8588]

Shawnt, 

I think you are correct.  When you are with a real soulmate, no matter how long you were together, it is never enough.  I was with mine 40 years, it was too short. 

Similarly, for those who were with their soulmate for a relatively short period of time, or in a long distance relationship or had other obstacles to being together, their grief, their brokenness, seems to be just as strong as for those of us who had decades together.  Just my observation here. 

It seems there is some sort of time warp associated with finding your soulmate.  My life, my existence,  with my husband was fundamentally different and better than my existence before or after.  My memories of him and of our life together help to fill the void in me now.  The 6 and a half years that have passed since he died, in many ways seem to be of no consequence with regard to how I feel about him, about us.  I still feel joined to him.

Gail

 

[Roxeanne]

On 8/6/2023 at 3:53 PM, RichS said:

Unfortunately, as we get older, we seem to hear more and more about family, friends and acquaintances passing away. When you think about it, it's been going on since the caveman days. Nothing really new...................

Yes nothing really new....but the big problem i think is we're living under the illusion that death exist but affects only others...i still find surreal that he is gone! 

We think that we can control our lives...and when the reality hit us hard, there is desperation and hard pain!!

I learned that life is not what we want, and this awareness lessen my pain....

[KayC]

37 minutes ago, Roxeanne said:

I learned that life is not what we want, and this awareness lessen my pain....

Yes and accepting that seems to fit in with our resiliency...too tall an order for new grievers though.

[shawnt]

Everything is temporary, life moves on and willingly or not so do we. These are hard lessons to learn and harder to really believe.

I sometimes wish I was still a dipshit teenager who didn't know a thing, and still believed in the fairy tales, the end of every story is a death.

Sorry for such a bummer thought this early in the day.

[RichS]

3 hours ago, Roxeanne said:

I learned that life is not what we want, and this awareness lessen my pain....

And I think if we can reach that point in life (hopefully sometime when we reach middle age) it's called MATURITY. Sadly, I'm sure most of us have some family and friends who have reached middle age and have yet to accept your statement. On the other hand, there are wise ones are able to discover that earlier in life.

[RichS]

2 hours ago, shawnt said:

I sometimes wish I was still a dipshit teenager who didn't know a thing

Oh I remember those days! I had solutions to the world's problems (economic, social, etc.). If this were a picture, I could see it in full view. Problem was, I didn't know that I was only looking at a small part of the picture. Also helpful was taking a few classes in the SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS...................

[RichS]

This song reminds me of this topic:

 

[shawnt]

I think every older generation thinks that, and every younger generation thinks the older generation had it easier and don't get it.

I try not to yell at the kids to get off my lawn, but I do roll my eyes.

It's an easier life when you don't know what we know and I hope they have a long,long time before they do know it. We all know sooner or later they will.

God help them.

[widower2]

25 minutes ago, shawnt said:

I think every older generation thinks that, and every younger generation thinks the older generation had it easier and don't get it.

I don't think younger generations think the older generations had it easier. Even most teenagers aren't that stupid. I think. But they do think that the older generations don't know what they're talking about (and insert the lame, well-worn "get off my lawn" cracks here). 

There's an old joke which has a large ring of truth to it:  "As a teenager, I couldn't believe how stupid my parents were. Then I grew up and was amazed at how much they learned."    

 

[widower2]

13 minutes ago, Gator M said:

It's a different hard and easy.  It was way more physically demanding for my generation.  It's more mentally demanding/stressful for the younger generations. 

That's a fair assessment. Things were far from perfect back when, but at least then the world was sane. Kids today are dealing with a society all but gone loony.

[Gail 8588]

The world has certainly gone through terrible times of high stress and huge loss of life.  WW2 comes to mind. 

I remember being very stressed by the doomsday clock and the threat of nuclear war in the 1960s.  I was one of those children you see in old news reels practicing the safety measures of 'get under your desk, cover your head with your hands and turn your head away from the nuclear blast'.  I lived in Kansas among the Titan nuclear missile silos, so we really were a target area for the beginning of a nuclear war. 

But other times in history, Black Plague, Spanish Inquisition, Crusades, famines, etc., were all terrifying, I am sure. I recently read an article saying Ghengis Kahn's armies killed 40 million people, when there were only 360 million people in the whole world.

I try to remind myself that, while things are not great right now, humanity has gone through much worse.  I am hoping that we will swing  towards a more peaceful, cooperative human community rather than more wars.  Perhaps the climate crises will force us to work together.

I do have a lot of empathy for the young people who are coming of age during this time of great uncertainty.

Gail

[widower2]

5 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

I try to remind myself that, while things are not great right now, humanity has gone through much worse. 

Oh heck yes. For all of our hardships, most of us are far luckier than most of the people who have lived on this planet in its history. Losing family members at a young age used to be far more common, disease, wars, etc etc. And of those who survived, the vast majority lived in abject poverty, just happy if they were able to not starve to death or die of disease or war. "Creature comforts" were almost unheard of. Just day to day living was VERY hard. Today we rant if our internet or cable goes out for even a few hours. The horror. 

[KayC]

8 hours ago, Gator M said:

However, today's culture is far less civil, ethical and moral.

Maybe the culture but not all young people, I have neighbors that are doing an amazing job raising their kids to be thoughtful and caring!  Iris' neighbor kids mow her lawn and take her trash out, they are such sweet kids.  And there's other neighbor kids (younger) that are being raised right, so sweet and delightful!  If they didn't have a vicious dog I'd be inclined to go there but alas he attacked Kodie and knocked me down when Kodie was just a little puppy.  So I never go there anymore. Not sure what happened to that dog as it wasn't like that when I first knew him. (Joe's...the chow I loved'...brother)

[shawnt]

And on it goes. One generation to the next. There is a time when every generation is vital and needed and then our time passes and the next generation takes our place.

If you read history you realize trouble follows us, war,famine, disco, tragedies all. Somehow we muddle on and a new generation is born.

Every year of my life someone is predicting the end of the world, and I think that has gone on since the beginnings of time. And on it goes.

[RichS]

Lots of true statements from all of you. If there's one common thread in all of this throughout history is the fight for POWER; and what leaders will do to get it and control it. Then they eventually die, someone else assumes power and the process repeats itself. Almost seems like a game of "King of The Hill." 

[RichS]

10 hours ago, widower2 said:

Today we rant if our internet or cable goes out for even a few hours. The horror. 

Yes, and my 94 year old uncle yells upstairs for me the minute it goes out. I often kid him that if we were under nuclear attack I'd probably not hear as soon from him. On the other hand, if BOTH were happening at the same time, then the original plan kicks in.  By the way, my uncle doesn't live in a basement. His bedroom is on the first floor.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, Gator M said:

But just look around.  My parents would have been appalled.

I guess that's where I'm lucky, I live in a community like no other, very safe, we all look out for each other, train our kids with old fashioned values.  The down side is wildfires (only the last three years and a lot of it is how the USFS manages things as opposed to the past when we had logging and they acted more aggressively when fighting them instead of milking the system).

2 hours ago, shawnt said:

If you read history you realize trouble follows us

I was reminded of this when reading Kings all the way through (Bible)...good king, bad kind, good king, bad king, almost continuously!  It's like thing rebound and bounce back and forth.

[KayC]

11 hours ago, widower2 said:

Today we rant if our internet or cable goes out for even a few hours. The horror. 

And Maui HI reminds me of the true horror people go through...my pastor has kids that live there and were planning to move stateside...now they're under evacuation...

[RichS]

7 minutes ago, KayC said:

I was reminded of this when reading Kings all the way through (Bible)...good king, bad kind, good king, bad king, almost continuously!  It's like thing rebound and bounce back and forth.

I believe Christ said that good and bad will live side by side until the end of the world.

[widower2]

  

10 minutes ago, Gator M said:

Game of Thrones

Or Monopoly.  Where's my get out of jail free card? 

[Gail 8588]

3 hours ago, Gator M said:

And there will be "Scoffers"...Just sayin 

Gator, 

I appreciate that this is what you believe, but many people here, including myself, do not.  I don't think this is a good place to debate religious matters. 

I am not a "scoffer", I have simply come to a different conclusion than you have. 

Gail 

[widower2]

4 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Gator, 

I appreciate that this is what you believe, but many people here, including myself, do not.  I don't think this is a good place to debate religious matters. 

Correct. Folks please keep religious sidetracks to a minimum. If you want to get into an extended conversation about it, here's the place on the site to do it: https://forums.grieving.com/forum/7-spiritualreligious-beliefs/

Thanks! 

[KayC]

Kings is a (rather dry historical account that happens to be in the Bible instead of a history book, but could be in either.  If my post offended anyone, let me know and I will remove it.

[widower2]

For crying out loud, man I'm sorry to hear about this ridiculous situation! Maybe they have an open bar (I'm half kidding, but half not)? 

[widower2]

Glad you finally got going. Safe travels!

[KayC]

My little sister finally made it back from her trip.  Sure seems to be luck of the draw with traveling now. Didn't used to hear of this, now it's from overbooking flights, planes that need more tending, etc.   You must really want to work!

[RichS]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Didn't used to hear of this, now it's from overbooking flights, planes that need more tending, etc. 

I don't fly much, but last year we made two separate trips up and down the east coast; four different planes, and every one of them had every seat filled. Also, one of our connecting flights in Washington D.C. was located in a different terminal with not much time to spare. We could have used a pedometer just to see how far that walk was.

[widower2]

I absolutely hate flying. The whole having to use your phone thing vs actual tickets, the long lines, can't take anything but tiny little toiletries, the taking off your shoes thing, ugh. 

[KayC]

Yep, it all changed with 9/11.  I haven't flown since, but my sister travels worldwide all the time.  Ugh, I couldn't take it.

[foreverhis]

On 8/10/2023 at 8:30 AM, KayC said:

And Maui HI reminds me of the true horror people go through...my pastor has kids that live there and were planning to move stateside...now they're under evacuation...

Hi Kay. I hate to be “that person,” but having worked several weeks a year in Hawaii (poor baby) as part of his early job as Pacific regional audit manager for a then-Big Eight accounting firm, John learned and then taught me to be very sensitive to the feelings of the Hawaiian people. We visited 2-3 weeks every couple of years, so I paid attention. I don’t mean to be insulting, truly.

It is accurate to say “move to the mainland.” Because Hawaii is a state, residents find it bothersome and frustrating when we Haoles (non-Hawaiians) and non-Kama’aina (long time residents regardless of background) say things like “going back to the states.” I know it might seem petty, but I get where they’re coming from, especially as so many of us mainlanders treat visiting Hawaii like going to a foreign country. Though I admit it does feel like that sometimes.

Back to the subject at hand, I pray they are safe and protected. Maui was always our favorite island (but we love them all), so it’s hard to see pictures and videos of places we loved now in ruins. So many lives lost and so many people left devastated and/or homeless.

More important to me right now is how you are. We got almost a quarter of an inch of rain (no lightning) from the trailing bits of the latest tropical storm yesterday and last night. It was nice to not to have to water, but I kept thinking/praying, “Hey up there, we’re good for now. Can’t you please send this cool, wet weather to Oregon and drop it right where it’s needed? Please?” You, Kodie, and Panther, as well as your neighbors, are in my prayers.

[KayC]

3 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Hi Kay. I hate to be “that person,”

I don't know what your getting at, I'm not arguing.  My little sister was traveling from NM, Not HI.

We usually have totally dry summers and if we get a bit of rain for a moment, it's accompanied by lightning, which is how this started.  We need the West winds to continue but they're showing East ones tomorrow.  THAT is scary! West side contained but not northern, we need both. 

3 hours ago, foreverhis said:

You, Kodie, and Panther, as well as your neighbors, are in my prayers.

Thank you, they are sorely needed.

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

I don't know what your getting at, I'm not arguing.

I just meant that with everything going on, especially with the fire and your evacuation status, it could seem petty to correct usage.  I almost didn't, but the annoying English major and writer in me won that argument.

Darn it all that you aren't getting relief with rain and no lightning.  That wind shift sounds scary as...well, you know.  You, Kodie, and Panther will be in prayers for sure today and tonight.

[KayC]

Okay, not sure what you're correcting, I wish I knew as that's also a pet peeve of mine!

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Okay, not sure what you're correcting, I wish I knew as that's also a pet peeve of mine!

Sorry, Kay.  Sometimes my brain doesn't get complete thoughts out.  I know what I mean, but someone else might not.

It was simply the difference between saying "moving stateside" and "moving to the mainland."  I had never given it any thought, until John mentioned to me how sensitive the difference is to Hawaiians.  And then on Oahu one time I heard another visitor say, "I'm going back to the states" to a tour operator.  I could see the bit of tension as the tour operator gently said, "Just a reminder that you're actually in the states right now.  You're going back to the mainland." 

Like I say, my nagging voice (the need for correctness my mother instilled every day) won the "but there's enough happening right now" debate. 

Our daughter just called because she saw an updated news report on the Maui fires.  I knew it had started in the Kula area (upcountry), but hadn't realized that it spread so fast to the coast.  John and I stayed at a little place called The Plantation Inn in Lahaina every visit at some point.  We love Lahaina and knew it very, very well.  The entire main street and surrounding town are gone.  The inn is gone; the historic hotel and Pioneer Inn are gone; the restaurants, little shops, benches to sit and watch the sunset, all the historic buildings, the church, the funky little library, the courthouse, and everything, all reduced to ashes and bits of metal.  Even the ancient banyon tree has been scorched and burned (though I hope the roots are deep enough to regenerate).  I'm gutted knowing how many lives have been lost and how much history vanished in the blink of an eye.  John had requested that some day I go back to the inn, stay in our favorite upstairs lanai room, and scatter some of his ashes in the ocean offshore.  I'll never be able to do that now and I hope he can forgive me for not being able to bring myself to doing it sooner.

[foreverhis]

Here's a small personal downer for me this afternoon.  I had to call my previous employer because I turned 65 this summer and have a small pension with them that starts next month.  I had to call to have a package of forms sent to make designations and give bank information, etc.

The representative was professional and really nice.  He walked through some questions to get everything going.  All was fine until he asked, "Single or married?"  I swear that even after 5 years, my brain started to stutter.  I couldn't think for a moment and then stumbled out "Oh, um, single..." and then "Sorry, I'm a widow and I don't think I'll ever get used to that."  He was very kind, but after I hung up I teared up a bit.

[KayC]

I just repeated what Cindy told me, usage and all.  Not sure what you meant about being an English major...I feel uncomfortable stating anything now.  But I have more important things on my mind now, the East winds start at midnight and it's showing the next two days and possibly beyond.

[foreverhis]

48 minutes ago, KayC said:

I just repeated what Cindy told me, usage and all.  Not sure what you meant about being an English major...I feel uncomfortable stating anything now.  But I have more important things on my mind now, the East winds start at midnight and it's showing the next two days and possibly beyond.

Oh, Kay.  I'm so sorry.  It is what many people say.  I'll tell my English major voice to mind her own business!

[widower2]

As someone with a similar affliction, good luck with that.    

[foreverhis]

2 minutes ago, widower2 said:

As someone with a similar affliction, good luck with that.    

Okay, I knew you were thinking it.  Literally, just had you on my mind knowing that I'm not alone that way.

But it's never my (or I'm sure your) intention to hurt someone with it.  Having that pesky inner voice can be an excellent thing, especially for people like you and me who work with detailed specifications that have to be 100% accurate.  One of my tech writers friends, who shares our affliction, told me that he has to say to himself, "You're off duty.  Shut up." sometimes.  Not bad advice, I think.

[widower2]

You're correct; it's good advice. That's why I won't point out the errors in your post.   

(Seriously, I generally ignore grammar when I'm speaking online or in an email...I've learned to embrace the informality!) 

[foreverhis]

7 minutes ago, widower2 said:

That's why I won't point out the errors in your post.

Appreciate it.  I decided that I might as well be off duty too.

I've learned to proofread my texts before sending.  Even then, I sometimes do a quick re-read and think, "Oops."  My favorite texts come from friends who use talk-to-text.  They can be pretty funny.

[Gail 8588]

Foreverhis, I have a similar affliction regarding punctuation.

This photo is one I couldn't resist pointing out that it lacked important punctuation.

 

Without punctuation it conveys that this is a safe area for humans to swim, as crocodiles don't swim in this area.  Not the message they intended at all.  

[widower2]

14 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

I've learned to proofread my texts before sending. 

Really? Outside of stuff like spelling cat with a K, I don't proof anything (outside of work) like emails or internet stuff and on the rare occasions that I text, it seems almost a rule to act like a lobotomized 3 yr old.  

[foreverhis]

1 minute ago, widower2 said:

Really? Outside of stuff like spelling cat with a K, I don't proof anything (outside of work) like emails or internet stuff and on the rare occasions that I text, it seems almost a rule to act like a lobotomized 3 yr old.  

It's my stupid inner voice chiding me.  My friends and family don't care.  We text often, so I've learned to embrace it as a quick communication option.

[widower2]

Yeah I get that. It took years for me to put my grammar police badge away.