Debbie Downer Days...

[Gator M]

We have a "Positive" topic...

This is for the times when WE/I/ YOU need to vent, gripe, or need support because you hit a wave of grief.

Today is Ann and my anniversary.  It would have been our 20th.  It's my first alone. 

I've come to the realization that this is it, my new normal, my life solo and alone. 

I'm too young to retire...and I'm far from wealthy.  I'm too tired, too ugly, and too opinionated to find someone else.  Even if I could, it would not be fair to that person and as of now...I have no interest.

I get exhausted doing nothing.   I can sleep and wake up tired.  When I'm home I want to go.  When I'm gone I want to come home.

I'm tied to this house... that is unrepairable...until the arbitration is settled.  My kids want to help but they have their lives or are not in a position to OR are CLUELESS.

I've turned to God.  I KNOW (head knowledge) that this takes time, Jesus has Ann and HE will get me through this. BUT until then, my heart says different.   Paul wrote much of the Bible in prison BUT I'm clearly not Paul.  

I pray for the Rapture, I pray for all of us here, and hope we all can find some sort of peace in this grief HELL.  

Thanks for indulging me.

 

[DWS]

Hugs to you on such a difficult day. I imagine the days leading up to today were not easy at all. I've certainly discovered that the days before the important dates on my calendar causes a lot of stress and turmoil. 

Thank you for starting this kind of thread. I had often wanted to start something similar along the lines of what is adding to our grief outside of the loss itself and hopefully Debbie Downer Days foots the bill. 

[RichS]

4 hours ago, Gator M said:

This is for the times when WE/I/ YOU need to vent, gripe, or need support because you hit a wave of grief.

Gator:  I share many of the things that you've got to cope with these days. I suspect most of us on this board do as well. As you say, "It's in God's hands."

My positive for the day is that after visiting TWO eye doctors this morning, they were both pleased with the progress my 94 year old uncle has made since his cataract surgery. My worry is that when he gets his new glasses in two weeks and takes a clearer look at me, he's gonna hide all of my snacks!

[LMR]

Thanks Gator M. I don't often have good days and I usually feel guilty having a moan. You're right. It is nice just to be able to say I feel "***!

Today wasn't soooo bad, just disappointing. It took effort for me to go out to the support group. Plus 45 minute walk each way, I was hoping I'd get some help. 🙁

[Shinka]

So sorry Gator, I feel for you. I'm glad you have your faith, so important, especially on days like these. Big hug. 

[shawnt]

You are right. Some days are just plain bad. I had an anniversary a few weeks ago, unacknowledged by the whole world but me. My mother if she was alive would have given me a card.She would send cards for everything,she kept track of all those dates that were special for other people, she was special.

I didn't understand how important a detail that could be ; until now. I wish I could be as kind  to remember and acknowledge these hard day's for other people. 

 

[KayC]

I just learned that the night Iris invited me out to dinner...was her and Mike's anv. I knew it was in June but didn't know when. I asked why she hadn't said something (it was also my George's bdy) she said she didn't want to bawl. And I said that would have been okay, I'd understand. I have it on my calendar now.

Your mom sounds special, mine was always about herself.

[KayC]

I'm sorry, maybe take some space from her, if she calls, answer, but I wouldn't go out of my way to bring it on.

[KayC]

47 minutes ago, Gator M said:

Yeah, happy Father's Day.

If it's any consolation my husband died on it so mine is never very happy. It was the 19th that year so yay, I get to "celebrate" both days.

[Sheilz]

My mission is to post a positive every day.  To look for something positive or something that made me smile.  I do manage it most days.  But honestly, this is the thread that I most belong in.  I also feel like ______.  All day long, every day.  I cry all day STILL.  I look in the mirror & don't even recognize myself anymore.  I use to be the well dressed (or so I thought) confident woman that could tackle anything.  Now I'm a weak, frail woman with a puffy face that is afraid of her own shadow.  I just want Brian to come home.

Today I had a doctors visit.  Well the receptionist (who was just doing her job) asked if my current HealthCare Proxy is still valid & up to date.  UMMM.... No it's not, thank you very much.  You know what happened then.  Yup.  Tears and more tears.  Now my doctor thinks I need Ativan 2x a day because my little body cannot sustain all this grief indefinitely.  I don't want to take something that I will be become dependent on but she wants me to try it for 1 week.  I haven't picked them up yet.  See.... afraid to do this being alone in the house.  

Life just Sux!!!!!

[Sheilz]

13 hours ago, Gator M said:

They say it gets...not as bad.  I also have little interest material things, getting ahead, or much of anything.

We'll see what tomorrow brings?

Well tomorrow is here already with what the mornings bring............ beginning another day to plod through alone missing Brian.  The first day of the rest of my life plodding through missing Brian.  Mornings are the worst and add the weekend to it..........  life sux.  I just hope I don't post to this thread too much & overtake it.  I will try to just post what I absolute have to.  

 

13 hours ago, Gator M said:

Again, I wish we were all closer, If for nothing else than to hang out and help each other.

I do believe that would be  great.  A place to hang & help and I think we would all have been a great help to each other.  But here we are doing the best we can for all our newly found friends.  I love all you people.  Kindred spirits on a journey none of us wanted to start.

[shawnt]

I think the act of writing what your thinking helps by getting it out, and it helps others by letting them know they are not alone having these horrible emotions. 

+ FYI there is a limit to how many posts you can do in a day. I only reached it once but it felt like being slapped and told to shut up, it was very jarring.

[Sheilz]

9 hours ago, shawnt said:

+ FYI there is a limit to how many posts you can do in a day. I only reached it once but it felt like being slapped and told to shut up, it was very jarring.

Wow. Didn't know this but I'm glad to know it now.  What is the limit so I know not to do it.  I would have felt slapped & been jarred for sure.

10 hours ago, Gator M said:

You can PM people also.

Like you, my mornings are the pits.  I'm in an "only do what I must" stage.  

Don't know what PM people is.

"Only do what I must" stage seems to be our common denominator.  

[KayC]

I have never heard of a limit on posting. Never, not in 18 years.

PM is message...go to your profile and you'll see it.

[Sheilz]

It's the morning so I'm having a typical lousy morning.  But I feel I'm sinking lower & lower in this awful emotional state I'm in.  I'm doing everything I can to keep afloat.  Nothing is working.  I'm getting sadder & more despondent every day.  I have no interest in even getting dressed in the morning but I make myself.   I cry constantly.  How can I keep on like this?  I just want Brian to come home.

I know... one day  or hour at a time.  I'm hanging on to that.  But I'm tired.  

Rant....  People keep telling me that "I will get through this".  But getting through this to what?????  Getting through this to do what????  Getting through this to go where????  Eat alone, watch tv alone, walk alone, shop alone, force myself to do things alone, confide my secrets alone, deal with medical issues alone, no hugs, no laughter, no soul mate for that special look......  I know I'll get through this (at least I hope) but what am to trying to get to???  A crummy life alone.  So when I'm told "I will get through this", I just want to yell that I'll get through this to WHAT!!!!!!  A life that I just don't want.

Yup... I'm Debbie Dower today.

 

[RichS]

24 minutes ago, Gator M said:

So once we push through this...aloneness is our new normal. At that point everything except salvation is fairly insignificant. 

Looking forward to heaven, myself. In comparison to that, our lives on this earth are only temporary.......................

[KayC]

Sheilz described my life, but I've gotten pretty used to it. Not sure if that helps.  My puppy is my saving grace.

[Sheilz]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

So once we push through this...aloneness is our new normal.

Why bother then.... trying to push through to a new normal that I don't want, have no interest in & will just be surviving.  Is it worth all the effort to try to keep your head on straight????  Doing things that you need to do to "get through" this such as eating, drinking, support groups, meds, bills, laundry.................  It's exhausting & is it worth it.  I feel like climbing in bed & never getting up but I do just to feel this pain.   All I see is Brian lying there in the garage, his face... all I think about now is his life & how much he still had left to live & things he will be missing.  I can't even focus on all the happiness we had.  Boy oh boy..... life SUX!!!!   

 

41 minutes ago, RichS said:

Looking forward to heaven, myself.

I'm beginning to doubt everything. 

3 minutes ago, KayC said:

My puppy is my saving grace.

People say I need a pet but I can't even take care of myself yet.  I don't have the energy or the motivation to even think of it.  I hope at some point things turn around for me and at least I'm in a better mind space. 

[RichS]

17 minutes ago, Sheilz said:

I'm beginning to doubt everything. 

One of the many things that I've discovered during this grief journey is that I need to avoid trying to analyze this whole upheaval in my life. And that includes my faith. 
I'm discovering that now is not the time to try to figure out why all of us here are carrying similar, but different crosses.  All our faith is being tested, right now. I kind of think of it as a real bad storm in our lives. It scares us, we don't know how long it's going to last or what damage is done, but when it finally passes. we'll all survive it.

[Sar123]

@Sheilz I can understand where you’re coming from. I felt similar last winter and asked myself frequently, “what’s the point of going on?” It was our dog that helped me. He forced me to get up and out of the house because he expects to be taken for a walk. The nights continue to be the worst for me, but not as bad as last winter. I’m kind of used to it by now, but last night I felt his presence and I kept hearing his voice and how normal our lives were back then. Keeping busy helps, too. Currently I’ve been busy getting our property up north ready to sell and I have to baby proof my house when my son and his family come to visit for 2 weeks in July, but after that, I’ve got nothing. I do plan to look into volunteering in the fall. KayC suggested a pet shelter so that is on my list. 
 

Are you on an anti-depressant? My daughter went on Prozac and sees a therapist (she lost her best friend to brain cancer a month before my husband passed). She said it has helped her to do her job. My doctor told me I have to go through this grieving process to get to the other side and that is somewhat true for me even though I hate every minute of it. 
 

One last thing that has helped me. I have come to realize how lucky I was to have my husband for 43 years (married for 41 years). We had a love that not everyone gets to experience and I am grateful for that and yes, I wish he was here and I miss him so much. It sounds like you had that kind of love with your husband too. There are still days  where I cry and I’m hanging on by a thread, but there are things I have to do and my dog is growing impatient waiting for his walk. 
 

I hope your day gets a little better.

[RichS]

31 minutes ago, Gator M said:

I'm trying to focus on HOW and WHAT do I do going forward? 

And that is the $64,000 QUESTION................................

[RichS]

31 minutes ago, Sar123 said:

One last thing that has helped me. I have come to realize how lucky I was to have my husband for 43 years (married for 41 years).

And as bad as I feel these days, I remind myself of how blessed I was (my wife for 44 years (married for 42 years). Problem is, we never want this to end.

[Sheilz]

9 hours ago, Gator M said:

I kinda take care of myself so I don't have to go through this debilitated.   (That is a scary thought)

What I miss is the fellowship with someone who understands and accepts me.  Thats why I wish we were all closer. 

That's why I struggle to do the things I need to do to stay a bit healthy, like eat & drink & get some air & sunshine.  I fear that all this sorrow will take it's tole on my body & then what..........  Scary thought for someone alone.

I wish we were all closer also.  We do have a great fellowship here.

9 hours ago, Gator M said:

Try not to focus on why...That becomes painful and fruitless.  Try not to accept guilt that too is destructive. 

Easier said than done. 

 

9 hours ago, Sar123 said:

Are you on an anti-depressant?

I was just put on an anxiety med.  It might be helping the anxiety because my breathing is better but the sadness & heartbreak are still as raw & painful.

9 hours ago, RichS said:

I remind myself of how blessed I was

Yes we were blessed.  I was blessed 30 years (too short) but blessed nontheless.  I try to keep that thought front & center.

[widower2]

11 hours ago, Gator M said:

 I'm trying to focus on HOW and WHAT do I do going forward? 

My short answer would be try to keep busy. If you're still working, there's that. Whatever spare time you have try to do something...anything...other than dwell on it (of course easier said than done and there will be those moments). Get together with family/friends, hobbies (existing ones or new ones), take a walk, take a drive, get a pet if you don't have one, even things as simple as movies/TV or yard work IMO beats nothing. 

[foreverhis]

On 6/15/2023 at 7:55 AM, Gator M said:

It's not meant to be a "pity party". 

Hi Gator M.  I think it's actually okay for it to be both a pity party sometimes and a place to ask for help during those most painful, harder, or just plain lousy days.  Where else can we really go on our pity party days and find others who not only get it, but will not try to tell us we shouldn't feel that way?

What a good idea to have threads for both the positive and the negative.

On 6/16/2023 at 4:53 PM, Sheilz said:

Well the receptionist (who was just doing her job) asked if my current HealthCare Proxy is still valid & up to date.  UMMM.... No it's not, thank you very much.  You know what happened then.  Yup.  Tears and more tears.  Now my doctor thinks I need Ativan 2x a day because my little body cannot sustain all this grief indefinitely.  I don't want to take something that I will be become dependent on but she wants me to try it for 1 week.  I haven't picked them up yet.  See.... afraid to do this being alone in the house.  

I've been there.  The first time I had imaging was a while after John died.  It had been a few years since I'd needed any.  The receptionist asked, "And John is still your emergency contact?"  I couldn't speak and finally whispered, "No. He died."  Then I just stood there crying.  She was so kind, telling me to just take my time and that there was no rush (never mind the line behind me).  There were a number of those times over the first 2 years.  But that's the one that sticks in my mind.

Okay, now feel free to ignore this advice.  I believe Ativan is time-release form of a benzodiazepine similar to alprazolam (Xanax).  I too resisted both anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications at first.  Shortly after John died, my doctor sat me down and talked to me about the difference between clinical and situational depression, why a low dose anti-depressant could help (non SSRI/SNRI), and why he was prescribing Xanax for me to take a low dose during the day for anxiety and a slightly larger dose at night to help with sleep.  He said kind of what your doctor did.  He told me that my body and brain could not sustain the level of stress, pain, and depth of my grief without any relief.  That this relief needed to be in the form of a medication, at least for a time, was not a sign of weakness, was not "hiding" or "ignoring" my grief, and would be acceptable even long-term if necessary.  He had already explained the difference between dependence (when our body or brain rely on assistance) and addiction when he prescribed a low dose opioid to take when I need it for the long-term pain that goes along with my auto-immune conditions.  I did not want to become dependent, but OTOH, I already knew he's not a "pill pusher" and incorporates more than just medications in his patients' health care routines (PT, yoga, meditation, walking, prayer for people of faith, and more).

Even if you only take the Ativan for a week, if it gives your mind and body a rest and a break, it could be very helpful.  Of course, it's entirely up to you and no judgment either way, but I hope you will at least try it short-term to see if it helps.

[KayC]

If my doctor told me I couldn't have my Buspirone (for anxiety) I'd have to find another doctor, even if it meant driving a long ways to do so. It's the safest, mildest anti-anxiety I've found and I want to stay on it for life...it's been 15 years now, no side effects.

Annie, I agree with what you just said.

 

[RichS]

13 hours ago, Sheilz said:

That's why I struggle to do the things I need to do to stay a bit healthy, like eat & drink & get some air & sunshine.  I fear that all this sorrow will take it's tole on my body & then what

I could definitely do a better job in this area. I often lack the motivation beyond "going through the motions" everyday. Depression causes me to snack more than I should. Plus, the good ol' metabolism slows down as you age. UGH!! If I were playing softball again that would motivate me; but I can't because I need a knee operation. Can't get the knee operation because I'm the only person that can drive; and I'll be restricted for a few weeks.

As I say this, please, no sympathies. Why? After reading all kinds of situations on this board for the past six months, I have less to complain about than most of you.

[KayC]

That doesn't mean your feelings aren't just as valid.

 

[Sheilz]

15 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Even if you only take the Ativan for a week, if it gives your mind and body a rest and a break, it could be very helpful.

Going to give it a try.  Started today.  Will try it for a couple days & then go from there.  Maybe I'll want to do it for a week like the doctor suggested.

[Sar123]

I’m having a very down day and can’t seem to pull myself out of it like I usually can. It’s like the fog is lifting and reality is setting in that he’s gone forever. Maybe it’s because it’s the weekend and the neighbor kids are out playing and people are doing their yard work. That used to be us. Just doing those weekend things. I don’t like being on this untraveled road alone without him. He was so brave during his terminal illness and told me he would rather it be him than our kids and me. He kept his sense of humor throughout all of it. He was loved by so many. Why, why, why him?? He didn’t deserve to die such a painful death.

I thought I was adjusting to this unwanted path I’ve been thrown on, but as the fog starts to clear, I’m really not. It’s almost like I’m at where I was last winter. When my kids visit, it’s great, but after they leave, I’m alone again and I feel worse than I did before their visits. It accentuates how alone and meaningless my life has become. I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

[RichS]

21 minutes ago, Sar123 said:

I thought I was adjusting to this unwanted path I’ve been thrown on, but as the fog starts to clear, I’m really not. It’s almost like I’m at where I was last winter.

I think all of us have days like you've had today. In fact, I wasn't feeling too happy myself today. Felt like I was backsliding a little. Sometimes a simple thing will trigger a grief moment. It seems like grieving follows an uneven pattern. Some days you feel like you're beginning to adjust to your new normal. Other days you find it hard to accept. Continue to post your feelings on this board. There are great helpful folks here who will help you to cope.

[Sar123]

12 hours ago, RichS said:

. Some days you feel like you're beginning to adjust to your new normal. Other days you find it hard to accept

I will remember your words. They will help me get through the days when I struggle with the grief and that I’m still adjusting to this unwanted new normal.
 

12 hours ago, Gator M said:

As soon as I hang up the phone or leave someone's house...BAM...I'm right back in it.

Thanks for understanding. I’m hoping for a better day. 

[Sheilz]

18 hours ago, Sar123 said:

It’s like the fog is lifting and reality is setting in that he’s gone forever. Maybe it’s because it’s the weekend and the neighbor kids are out playing and people are doing their yard work. That used to be us. Just doing those weekend things. I don’t like being on this untraveled road alone without him.

Fog is definitely a good word.  I'm always in a fog but sometimes it lifts a little & I see what's out there... nothing.  Loneliness.  But I'm just usually in my own fog & shuffle through the day crying or wishing I could be with him.  I'm not sure if I want the fog to lift or stay.  That's another issue I have now.........I can't make a decision on anything no matter how small it is.  It's frustrating... so I just cry.  But I hope to be able to adjust to this new way of life.  If not.... I'm in big trouble.

[KayC]

Gator is right, coming off the shock, long before any clarity returns, we have brain fog, widows brain, grief fog, whatever you want to call it, and it's real.  I don't think my focus was ever fully 100% since, but some of my brain returned, thankfully.  It can take a long while.  I figure I'm okay if I can do my tasks, still work my budget and file taxes...

[Sheilz]

6 hours ago, Gator M said:

Part of mine is the uncertainty of my home and financial situation.  Not knowing drains all my energy.

That's my problem too.  It's all the uncertainty.  Can I keep the house going, physically & financially.  If not, where do I move.  How the heck can I pack up a house full of 30 years of memories all by myself.  And again... where would I go.  Still alone.  

 

9 hours ago, KayC said:

brain fog, widows brain, grief fog, whatever you want to call it, and it's real.

That's for sure..... it's real.

[Gail 8588]

@Sheilz and others struggling with the issue of "why bother with struggling to get through this".

I struggled with this question during my zombie years of early grief. When I was so lost and disconnected from life.  Like you I just couldn't see any point in trying to live without my husband. Without him, my life felt unbearable. 

But in the back of my mind I knew that all the single people in the world were not living pointless lives.  They were doing meaningful things, bringing happiness to others and feeling joy themselves.  I didn't feel like they were just taking up space in the world being useless.  So a part of my brain recognized that it should be possible for me, as a single person, to have a meaningful life somehow.  I just couldn't see how I could get there. 

I told myself that it is my grief fog that is clouding my vision, why I can't see any path forward right now.   But this veil of dark depression will lift and then I will find a path to a purpose in living.  That belief is what helped me to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I really do think our brains have suffered a traumatic injury in the experience of losing our beloved.  We have difficulty making decisions, difficulty sleeping, difficulty controlling our emotions.  Our brains are just not functioning well. 

I am in my 7th year without my love.  I miss him everyday, but I do feel I have a good and worthwhile life now. I am glad I am still here doing my small part in this crazy world.   It took me a long time to find my way back to life, but I am very glad I kept putting one foot in front of the other during those dark, lost years. 

Give yourself time. Let your brain heal.  

Gail

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I am very glad I kept putting one foot in front of the other during those dark, lost years.

I talked to someone suicidal yesterday, he's young.  I'm trying to get him to consider giving life a chance...his GF broke up with him while grieving.  It's so important to give ourselves ample time to see this through to the other side so we can see a bit of a life emerge even though not the same.

[Sheilz]

7 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I really do think our brains have suffered a traumatic injury in the experience of losing our beloved.  We have difficulty making decisions, difficulty sleeping, difficulty controlling our emotions.  Our brains are just not functioning well. 

 

Exactly how I feel.  I feel as if I had a brain injury & I'm struggling to recover.  But there is no doctor, med, physical therapy... nothing to help you through it.  It's invisible to people, so you must struggle alone.  So I just wonder if I will get better.  Deep in my mind, I know I don't have a choice & that I will either die grieving or go on living.  Either way... I don't care right now.  But posts like this give me hope.  I want to be a good productive person during my time left.  You do give me hope.  Thank you for this post.

 

7 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Give yourself time. Let your brain heal.  

Trying my hardest.  Thank you.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, Sheilz said:

I feel as if I had a brain injury & I'm struggling to recover.

I felt the same my first year...

Brain Injury comparatively
Brains: when we process loss
Grief, PTSD, and Your Brain | HealthyPlace

[RichS]

42 minutes ago, Gator M said:

I went to a Bible Study last night.  It was on Septic Thoughts...believing the negative. It hit me hard.  My mind knows the truth but my heart won't accept it.  

Another phrase for Septic Thoughts is, "Stinkin Thinkin." I've caught that virus more times in my life than I could count. You, I and everyone else on this board are going through a bad storm in our lives (worst thing that has happened to me, personally). A reminder: YOU ARE NOT TOTALLY ALONE. You have TWO ANCHORS in your life: Your brothers and sisters at your church AND your friends on this board. They're praying for you, we're praying for you. Working together, you will endure this storm and so will we.

By the way, I see you guys and Texas are getting hammered with 100+ degree temperatures. That can't help the mood too much, either. Hang in there!!

[Wavesnsky]

@Gator M 
I hear ya. One week ago today was our anniversary. It would have been 21 years. The first one without Suzy. It was a tough day for sure. A year ago on our 20th we had our anniversary dinner in a hospital. My mind was flooded with our wedding day memories. Good memories. Still just a downer of a day overall.

[KayC]

11 hours ago, Wavesnsky said:

One week ago today was our anniversary.

And that is really rough. 

[Jemiga70]

On 6/26/2023 at 7:57 AM, Gator M said:

Not knowing drains all my energy. 

@Gator M  Gator I hear you.  It's the uncertainty that p1ss3s me off the most - aside from the heartlessness.

I'm STILL waiting for those a$$h0l3s at the insurance company to pay out a policy that my wife had through her employer. I've been waiting for 2 YEARS and 2 MONTHS.  They have ALL the paperwork. Every piece of documentation has been signed, stamped, authenticated, translated.  There is nothing left to do except for them to pay out the policy.  Ironic that the very thing an insurance company is supposed to do is the very thing they stall on doing.

It's a heavy psychological burden.  I cannot step forward till this is settled.

[RichS]

1 hour ago, Jemiga70 said:

I've been waiting for 2 YEARS and 2 MONTHS.  They have ALL the paperwork. Every piece of documentation has been signed, stamped, authenticated, translated. 

That's ridiculous! Having to wait for over two years. Have you contacted the Insurance Commissioners Office in your state?

[Jemiga70]

8 hours ago, RichS said:

Having to wait for over two years. Have you contacted the Insurance Commissioners Office in your state?

Thanks @RichS  but I don't live in the States and the insurance company is based in Asia.  I am confident it will get paid - eventually - but it's absolutely disgusting that it should take this long.  These companies and systems do not care one iota about the human aspect.

[KayC]

It's horrible. They haven't paid out on my sister's estate either, sitting on some judge's desk for months, house sold Jan. 6.  Kids all waiting for their share, nope!

[Gail 8588]

Yesterday was a sad day. Today is sad too.  My BIL died from his brain tumor yesterday morning.  He was 70, which seems too young to me.  His family, including all 7 grandkids, are here with my SIL.   It's just really sad. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for you and your family's loss, @Gail 8588.  

[RichS]

Gail:  We here are all sorry for your loss. I'm sure you will be a comfort to your Sister In Law and her family; just as they've been a comfort to you. Prayers are with you.

[widower2]

Echoing what everyone else has said.