Loss of a Mother

[clittlelady]

TARA:

Hi friend... Sending you a big hug, like a Mother holds her child and cradles them when they're hurting. So sorry for all the heartache that you are bearing right now. Wish there was something I could say or do to ease this pain, but as I well know, there is no place to go, but through. You're not alone. You must focus on your healing, your physical and emotional health are so intertwined. You worried for so long about your father, after losing your mother and couldn't even grieve her properly because of all the complications. You did what you could for him Tara. You must grieve them, but you must try to put yourself back on a track where you can begin to heal, again. Seems so unfair, but your self preservation is the most important thing at this time. Hope it doesn't sound cold, it's just I know how much I've hurt, losing my Mother and I can't imagine suffering two losses so closely. You do know they're not suffering now, no illness, no loneliness or sadness. I remind you of this, as you have done for me in that past. Rest for a while. Give yourself some time. Only you know when you are ready to thrust yourself back into your routine.

I will check back in later, to see if you have stopped back in.

Hang in there friend. You're not alone.

God Bless.

Connie.

[clittlelady]

ASHEEPOO21:

Hi. I've read your posts. My heart hurts for you. I too lost my Mother eight months ago and it seems like yesterday. Then some days, it's seems like a lifetime ago since I heard her voice. My situation was much different than yours though. My Mother was 86 and I'm 45. I had her for many, many years. However, her last ten years were hard ones for her, due to osteoporosis, very painful bone deterioration in her spine. The last two years, she was really bad, in that she was unable to do so many things for herself. The last 8 months were tragic. She began to lose her memory, have little strokes and that broke my heart. I watched her slip away. I miss her horribly. Sometimes I want to pick up the phone and call her... in a split second, it hits me, she's gone. I was her only daughter. We had a very special bond. I can't imagine being your age without Mom. I can understand what you were saying about being more conscious of the fact that you may not see someone again, it might be the last time. I didn't lose my Mother suddenly, but I have those thoughts as well. I guess through losing my Mother, I see more reality in this world, that even though she had all those years, they went by very fast for her. I lost a brother when he was 37 and I was 21. That was due to a tragic motorcycle accident. From that point on, I've tried to appreciate people more, let a lot of "little things" go that really don't matter in this whole big picture, treat people the way I would want to be treated. Death is definitely and educational experience, a painful one, but educational just the same. Do you have any brothers or sisters? I have three older brothers, but two relationships have been severed since my mother's death, due to the way they treated her. My last aunt died last March, six months before my Mother. There aren't many women left in my family to turn to.

You know what though, you'll carry her with you, every day of your life. You haven't lost her completely. She lives in you and in your heart. Make her proud. Do positive things for yourself. Be successful. She would want that for you, right? Keep a journal and write down all your special memories. This is something you can share one day, should you have children. You can introduce them to her, through your words.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Wish your heart peace and your mind rest.

Connie

[clittlelady]

MOMSBABYGIRL:

This will be my first Easter and Mother's day without my Mother. Not looking forward to either. I have made it past my birthday, three months after her death and her's, five months after her death. Both were very hard. Christmas and Thanksgiving were basically an outerspace event for me. One thing for sure, it's going to come, no matter what. Hope we can all get through these difficult days. Take Care Friend.

Connie

[clittlelady]

FOR ALL THAT ARE HERE AS NEWCOMERS:

I know the heart wrenching, hollow gut feelings of sadness and darkness. The helpless feelings of losing someone so precious. The feelings of being lost in a slow motion world. Eight months and I'm still in disbelief many days. I've come to a point of peace, because I believe Mother is not suffering anymore and in a much better place, where she wanted to be. I'll never forget the experience of losing her, but more importantly, I'll never forget the way she loved me and her other children. I'll never forget how she made me laugh and made me cry. I'll never forget her fairness and her unfairness, her patience and anxiousness, her firm hand and her soft, warm arms. She wasn't perfect, but neither am I. We both accepted each other and loved unconditionally, regardless of our faults. There is no bond so special, that's why it hurts so much. We do them honor in grieving their deaths, but I believe we do them a greater honor in being able to not let that death conquer our life. Our Mothers would want us to move ahead and live. This Journey is short at the best and we well know that now. Love to you all. As each day goes by, our memories draw nearer and more precious.

Connie

[tara12]

Yes clittle , it is true and i know I am hardly even in the reality of all this.i woke up yesterday and it was like a sledgehammer in my mind , i was so disorinetated , i was like , is this all a dream ? did my mum die ? did dad just die ? did i just do his funeral ? did i just have suregery ? where am i and how much time did i lose ? truly , it is now 3 weeks since the call to tell me dad died and i feel like it hasnt even happened yet ? how is that ? like it is before not after ? like time is backward ? i sure do not know how 3 weeks went ? or where they went ? i have not had any thoughts except day to day moment to moment eat , sleep , do what must be ......... its so wierd. then time to time i have thoughts , more like flashes of them , of us , or things said , done , finsihed , unfinsihed . wild and i can barely even face the truth that dad is really gone , they both are ........ its weird , but yes , two close like this , is somehow a real mind flip .... its more than can be grounded or anchored , but must be somehow ....... as it can be, with little strain as can be...... so today , i am up , its sunny and its a saturday , i will move slowely , but think i should and will , try go for a slow walk on the beach and lie in the sun for a while , even swim , try and feel LIFE , my LIFE ........ its ok , i know this will all pass and i am changed , i know , this is all how it is and i will move on and it is also very precious , this closeness to the spirit , this realisation about the truth of living and dying and realtionships ....... so much to take in........ i dont know , not sure iif i make any sense , where none can be made .......... this is words to cover up grief perhaphs >? or is it grief ...... i miss them.

[clittlelady]

TARA:

Peace to you this day. Renew your spirit as much as you can today, yes, the sun bathing and swiming sounds like what the doctor ordered. Be true to yourself every moment and carry no guilt. We are all in this Journey together. I will talk to you later my friend.

Connie

[deewithgreeneyes]

Connie, Tara. Giselle all of you. I am reading all the posts from my friends. You all are so special. I read every day to keep up on what is happening. I miss you guys, all of you, just can't seem to write or post. Life...ah, so hard to be in this world. So much hurt and grief, so many of us trying to make sense of life and make sense of death.

[asheepoo21]

ASHEEPOO21:

Hi. I've read your posts. My heart hurts for you. I too lost my Mother eight months ago and it seems like yesterday. Then some days, it's seems like a lifetime ago since I heard her voice. My situation was much different than yours though. My Mother was 86 and I'm 45. I had her for many, many years. However, her last ten years were hard ones for her, due to osteoporosis, very painful bone deterioration in her spine. The last two years, she was really bad, in that she was unable to do so many things for herself. The last 8 months were tragic. She began to lose her memory, have little strokes and that broke my heart. I watched her slip away. I miss her horribly. Sometimes I want to pick up the phone and call her... in a split second, it hits me, she's gone. I was her only daughter. We had a very special bond. I can't imagine being your age without Mom. I can understand what you were saying about being more conscious of the fact that you may not see someone again, it might be the last time. I didn't lose my Mother suddenly, but I have those thoughts as well. I guess through losing my Mother, I see more reality in this world, that even though she had all those years, they went by very fast for her. I lost a brother when he was 37 and I was 21. That was due to a tragic motorcycle accident. From that point on, I've tried to appreciate people more, let a lot of "little things" go that really don't matter in this whole big picture, treat people the way I would want to be treated. Death is definitely and educational experience, a painful one, but educational just the same. Do you have any brothers or sisters? I have three older brothers, but two relationships have been severed since my mother's death, due to the way they treated her. My last aunt died last March, six months before my Mother. There aren't many women left in my family to turn to.

You know what though, you'll carry her with you, every day of your life. You haven't lost her completely. She lives in you and in your heart. Make her proud. Do positive things for yourself. Be successful. She would want that for you, right? Keep a journal and write down all your special memories. This is something you can share one day, should you have children. You can introduce them to her, through your words.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Wish your heart peace and your mind rest.

Connie

thank you so much. i understand totally. no, i was an only child, so that makes it a little more tough. its been a little crazy around here. there was a little girl at my church that i didnt know, but heard alot of, who passed the other night. she just turned 7 years old. my heart is just breaking for her and her family. i cant imagine. also my friend sarah lost her mom the other day. i know how hard it is for her, but dont know what to say. its just crazy.

thanks so much for your advice.

and im very sorry for your loss also.

xoxo

ashley

[clittlelady]

ASHEEPOO21:

How sad that grief continues as each day death takes someone new. I guess that's the way it's suppose to be, because that's the way it's always been, but it doesn't make accepting it any easier or the pain any less. I think in your own heart, you will say or do what comes to you for the little girls parents and your friend as well. Timing is everything. Always follow you heart. Say what you feel, when you feel it's the right time. You've gained much knowledge of grief and heartache at a young age. Turn it into something productive to help someone else. When I've done this, in the short time my Mother has been gone, it seems I've felt her warmth and love and approval. God Bless, Hope tomorrow is a better day for all.

Connie

[tara12]

HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

[clittlelady]

TARA:

Tara? I haven't had a chance to check in sooner. I'm worried about you. Do you have any friends that could stay with you for a while or visa versa? I hurt for you deeply. I know you're overwhelmed. I would probably be in shock. Your emotions can only absorb so much at once. Are you in grief counseling? There are thousands of miles between us, but I definitely feel your heartache. I'm sending you love and hugs. You are in my prayers. This very difficult reality isn't something you should bear alone. I'll check back later.

Connie

[groy58]

Hello everyone Giselle here,

I see so much hurt here and I have an idea, How about we all agree to pray for each other at noon time each day this week. It will not matter that we are on different time zones, just that we are in agreement will be powerful. I really know that prayer changes things.

Tara, to cry out for help is not a bad thing. I have cried out to God to help me with my arms outreached towards heaven. It calmed me down and the tears stopped flowing, I never know when I will have to do it again but I can tell you I will. Hold on sister, we are with you!!!

Love you all!!

Your cyber sister,

Giselle

[tara12]

I am ok , sort of /. dont worry , i will be ok and poull things together. I messed up a bit , grief i know , lost myself in the depths of it in unhealthy ways , damn .... but hey , its ok , no more , stop it now......... it will be ok.

i am sad , its huge , up and down , now just have to see how I go./

[septemberspain]

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise! The long lost has returned! I have missed you guys so much *waving at the cyber family and embracing the new family. Got in late last night and I've been thinking about you all. I have alot of reading to catch up on. I have actually been trying to stay on top of the new comfort I've been in, I still have my moments and although it's been 7 months since my "mommy" has been gone I've gain some new strength still have the same missing you syndrome but more than anything I've come to a point in my life where it's ok. I don't know if this inner peace I have is just a sneaky imposter but in this new life it will do.

I am so afraid that this new found peace will head for the hills once I get myself situated and start back to "living" life here. I can tell you all that before I went back to NC I felt like I was losing my mind nothing was making sense to me I was STUCK (remember the movie groundhog day W/Bill Murray) That was the path I was on. (Giselle you tried to tell me I wasn't crazy LOL) My mind had already started to shut down and I had to ESCAPE.

Well, I have soooo much reading to catch up on so I'll be back later. Here is where I put myself thru a test. I'm ready to return to work (I don't have a clue as to whether it will be back in Resturant Management or maybe I'll find something a little less demanding without losing any $$$$$) Anyway I'm sending Hugs and wishes to you all and I want to welcome those I haven't had the chance to welcome to our little corner of the world, I know that your being here means you are like me struggling to cope with your Mother not being here anymore and I know what that feels like *sigh but as you already know you've found a place here where there is someone that can understand what you are going thru.

Talk to you all soon,

Robbin

[cantbelieveit]

Hello everyone,

I am having a really hard day....I have so much anxiety and headaches. I miss mom so much! It is really hard to understand anything lately. I got a picture of me and mom yesterday from a friend. It hurts so much to see her. It was taken just one year ago.........How did this happen????

I still am trying to catch up on the reading I have missed. I am thinking of you all.

Septemberspain, Good for you. Glad to hear from you. Dee good to see your around and reading you are right it is so hard and making sense of this is not easy.

Little bug how are you?

Asheepoo21 WELCOME sorry that you have to be here.

Clittlelday Are you ok.

Groy, Joseph everyone I hope your days have some peace.

I will try to read more and catch up later.

So tired right now, head is just pounding........

Take care my family take care..

[deewithgreeneyes]

Hi everyone...I was thinking about saying a prayer at 12:00 I like the idea...in fact, I am not working I think I will light a candle everyday at noon for all of us....Good idea Giselle, I like that. I am bouncing from one site to another, don't want to deal with grief of Michelle on grief of mother page. It is to overwhelming for a lot of people.

I miss my mom terrible...I keep wanting to call her and have her help me with this grief over Michelle, she was always such comfort. I miss her little laugh and twinkling blue eyes, I miss her calm demeanor, her wisdom and quiet strength.

I myself am getting extremely worked up over this coming Mother's Day.Little did I know last Mother's Day they would both be gone. I am looking at a framed picture of both of them with Kail taken last Mother's Day. I can'tbelieveit...i can't believe it.

[Guest Guest]

I have been sitting here thinking to myself that life should be returning to normal and it still hasn't. I am 26. It is an awkward age to lose a parent. I do not have a family to fall back on and I move arould a lot, so I do not have friends close to keep me grounded. I am so sorry for all of us. I am especially sorry for those of you who have lost their mothers on the cusp of adulthood. It is a hard world to navigate without the support and advice of a mother. It has been a year since my mother died and I find the grief is actually getting worse. I know she would not have wanted me to be this way, but a world without unconditional love is a hard world to be in. She was a fiesty little woman and I watched her waste away literally. I was the primary caregiver in those last months as the cancer swiftly took her away. I was so busy with housework and medication, bathing and serving that i didn't have the space to communicate with her and now I can't. It enfuriates me that I don't even dream about her, or if I do, she is just looking at me from a distance and says nothing. Hosipce had said that there would be a moment of lucidity before the final moment, but it never came. I waited and I think I am still waiting for that moment. When am I going to get over it and quit waiting? Thank you for letting me vent.

[asheepoo21]

Hello everyone,

I am having a really hard day....I have so much anxiety and headaches. I miss mom so much! It is really hard to understand anything lately. I got a picture of me and mom yesterday from a friend. It hurts so much to see her. It was taken just one year ago.........How did this happen????

I still am trying to catch up on the reading I have missed. I am thinking of you all.

Septemberspain, Good for you. Glad to hear from you. Dee good to see your around and reading you are right it is so hard and making sense of this is not easy.

Little bug how are you?

Asheepoo21 WELCOME sorry that you have to be here.

Clittlelday Are you ok.

Groy, Joseph everyone I hope your days have some peace.

I will try to read more and catch up later.

So tired right now, head is just pounding........

Take care my family take care..

thank you so much.

yeah i hate having to be here too.

its not something that i want to do, but i need the help of all of the friendly people on here like you.

it really works for the times like these that i am going through now.

thanks again.

[josephb]

Connie,

Sorry to hear about the pain you are going through.Have you had the outpatient procedure yet?Having dye(that's what it is, right?) injected into your spine does not sound too fun but hopefully they will get you out of pain.It's pretty discouraging when they tell you that you might have to have more work done to fix your problem.i know what you mean when you said your mom would have gotten a kick of of the mustang.anytime i see a new movie come out with an actor my mom liked or a new cd from a band she enjoyed listing to, i think of her and how happy and excited she would of been to hear the news.our parents live on through us i guess

enjoy your new mustang i wish i could get out and drive my car in this beautiful weather we have been having

did you find that book? i have almost finished it and it is a book that really makes me think

i hope everyone has a great day

[clittlelady]

JOSEPH:

You bring tears to my eyes, good ones. Yes, our parents live on through us. Our memories just as you and I have of our Mothers, they grow sweeter everyday. Believe it or not, My Mother thought Johnny Cash was the Bomb. I couldn't believe when the movie came out. I went to see it, just for her. Maybe she's met he and his wife June now.

Thank you so much for your concern about my back. Haven't had the procedure yet, still waiting for the insurance company to approve it, which I'm sure they will. I thought it would be this week, but looks like maybe next week. I'll tell you, I'm not really sure exactly about the details of the procedure. I was hurting so bad that day and my husband couldn't get off work to go with me. I just pray I can get it stabilized where I can do the things I enjoy doing. You know what though, I'm living it one day at a time and no matter what, I'm going to make it. I just may have to change my lifestyle somewhat, but it seems life is all about changes, right Joseph?

I do have the book, but haven't had a chance to read it yet. I want to sit down and read it, nonstop, hopefully Friday, I'm off work that day.

I wish you could cruise in your car too. Help me think of a personalized tag for my "Stang" or is that too corny? Help keep me straight.

You sound wonderful Joseph, I feel something special in your posts. I think you're getting stronger. I'm proud of you. Keep on keepin on.

Connie

[clittlelady]

GUEST:

Hi. I'm sorry that you've come here as the result of the loss of someone so precious in your life, but I'm glad you found your way here. It has been a tremendous comfort and intricate part of my healing in the last seven months since my Mother passed away. There have been times I just had to let it spill out, tears, anger and all. I was her only daughter and youngest of five children. She and I shared a very special bond. She was 86 when she died. I'm 45. I spent the last several years as her primary care giver and overseer. I struggled as her health declined drastically, about six months before she died. She had several strokes and dementia began to take her mind. She ended up in diapers and I had to puree everything she ate and feed her. To see the joy gone out of her eyes was almost unbearable. I managed to keep her in her own home, which is where she died, as was her wish. I understand being so absorbed in giving that care that your gears are shifted somewhat. My heart truly goes out to you. It's all like a haze to me now. My heart will never be the same. I do hate that you have been so alone in this grief. I've learned that no matter how many are around me, I carry the pain alone. I've also resolved myself to the fact that the reason it's so hard to carry on, is that I loved her so much and there is just no way to suffer that loss without the pain. She suffered the pain as I entered this world and I suffered the pain as she left. Life is ironic isn't it?

There are some very good people here. Hope you'll feel comfortable here and find this as your resting place. God Bless.

Connie.

[clittlelady]

GUEST:

Hi. I'm sorry that you've come here as the result of the loss of someone so precious in your life, but I'm glad you found your way here. It has been a tremendous comfort and intricate part of my healing in the last seven months since my Mother passed away. There have been times I just had to let it spill out, tears, anger and all. I was her only daughter and youngest of five children. She and I shared a very special bond. She was 86 when she died. I'm 45. I spent the last several years as her primary care giver and overseer. I struggled as her health declined drastically, about six months before she died. She had several strokes and dementia began to take her mind. She ended up in diapers and I had to puree everything she ate and feed her. To see the joy gone out of her eyes was almost unbearable. I managed to keep her in her own home, which is where she died, as was her wish. I understand being so absorbed in giving that care that your gears are shifted somewhat. My heart truly goes out to you. It's all like a haze to me now. My heart will never be the same. I do hate that you have been so alone in this grief. I've learned that no matter how many are around me, I carry the pain alone. I've also resolved myself to the fact that the reason it's so hard to carry on, is that I loved her so much and there is just no way to suffer that loss without the pain. She suffered the pain as I entered this world and I suffered the pain as she left. Life is ironic isn't it?

There are some very good people here. Hope you'll feel comfortable here and find this as your resting place. God Bless.

Connie.

[clittlelady]

GUEST:

Well as you can see, I was trigger happy... Sorry. (smiling)

[tara12]

Hello clittle , joesph , guest , dee , momsy everyone .........

I am ok , but wish i had more energy to write to u all , I read all the posts and feel for us all ... guest , I am so sorry , its tough .........

I am so tired still , not with it at all .......... wish i coudl say more about all the pieces of things , the hard stuff , the endless numb moments as I walked around the empty home of my mum amd dad , knwoing both were no more , JUST LIKE THAT...... gone , everything gone ....his cup of tea there hald drunk , his plate with a knife with a dab of kam still there and some crumbs........ and his bed , where he took his last breath , alone......... makes me so sad ........ and then to feel his heartbreak after mum went , him having waited all those years for her to finally pass......... from her suffering ........

what if she had died at the scane of that accident all those years ago , would he have gone them ? what if she had not been hit by the truck > would they both be here in that house ? silly useless questions ? but grief brings it all up.... I struggle with feeling like maybe my dad dint know how much I loved him , why would he die of such heartbreak othewrwsie ? I tried to help him , but He also knew I was going , was this too much for him , was i SELFISH ? i dont know........... and maybe its wrong to think this , u know , he is gone , he went peacefully , with no suffering , with his dignity , in his own home , he lived long , he saw his wife through her pains , he did his best....... so , let go ,........ and know this is how life is ......... the truth of loss and love. and it comes to US ALL.........

be well , talk to me....... i need some feeling of connection I feel very orphaned and alone.

[littlebug]

Cantbelieveit,

Hello, I am still here. Just haven't posted in a while. I am doing ok. The baby is fine to. I am 16 weeks now and counting. LOL! I am dreading Easter and Mother's Day so bad though. This will also be my first without my mom. I can remember the year before last was my first father's day without my dad and I was hurt and angry all day long. I hope you are doing well. It was good to hear from you.

Donna

[charsmom2]

I haven't posted in a quite a while. You may not remember me, but I wanted to share my news anyway. I had found out I was pregnant just before my mom died 10 months ago. I never had the chance to tell her and it ate me up. Well, I had my little girl on February 7th. She is absolutely perfect. I just wanted to share my news with any of you that remember me. I have been meaning to post for some time now, but just never get a chance. I miss her so much, and really wish she was here to be part of her grand-daughter's life. My 2 1/2 yr old son has been showing Abigail pictures of nana. The first time he did it my heart just melted. How sweet! I can't believe he remembers her so well. We had to go to the hospital to visit my grandpa that isn't doing well. When I told my son where we were going, he says "nana there too?". It made me want to cry. Anyway, I just wanted to share my news.

For all of you that are new to this board, I am truly sorry for your loss.

[papermoon]

This will be my first Mother's Day without her, too.

I totally forgot about it even happening until I noticed it on a calendar the other day, and all I could do was sigh.

I haven't really been putting blame/guilt on myself - no one should - but does anyone ever think of the little things they wish they would've done that wouldn't have prevented anything, but just that you wish you could go back and do?

Like I remember Mom carrying in the groceries all the time and me sitting at the computer not bothering to help her. Or when she'd rake the yard and never ask for help. Or give the dog a bath after working all day when I could've easily done it for her.

I'm trying to make up for it now. I just feel selfish, you know?

[eulaha]

Papermoon,

I think I can relate to how you feel. When I used to go visit my mom, when her and my sister would fight, my sister would say terrible things to her (GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! YOU'RE A BITCH!) And although when my mom did laundry, she's do not only her's, but my sister's and her two kids as well (she had to take the clothes up the street to a laundromat), my sister would only do hers and her kids. I can still see my mom, looking very tired, having to drag her laundry to the laundromat. At that time we didn't know she had a bad heart, but it doesn't matter. THERE IS NO REASON TO TREAT YOUR MOTHER LIKE ****! I can honestly say that whenever I did visit my mom, I would wait on her hand and foot. If she wanted dinner, I brought her a plate of food. If she wanted a soda, I'd put on my coat, walk to the store and got her a soda. I treated HER to lunch and to coffee, instead of her having to spend her little money on me. I treated her with the utmost respect. I feel that my sister's rudeness and my brother's constant bouts with the police and his drug addiction is what pushed her little body over the edge. Ok, that sounds mean, I know, but it's how I feel. I will NEVER forgive them for how they treated my mom. Stealing her money, making her sleep on a smelly old couch (she didn't have her own room), not making the children be quiet when she wanted to take a nap, making her do her own laundry (as well as everyone else's, even though she had to work 40-plus hours a week). My mom was horribly depressed, and she kepted asking me to move back to California, so she could live with me (her oldest child, who treated her nicely). She died before I could make the move (I was thinking of moving back in January 2006; she died September 2005). I'll never forgive myself either. I feel like a bad, evil daughter. I failed her.

[eulaha]

When I said "there's no reason to treat your mother like ****!" I was speaking in reference to my brother and sister's treatment of our mother. Just wanted to clarify...

[suelowe]

Connie, i hope you don't mind me contacting you, but after going through posts that you've sent to people, i see you have such kind words to say. it warms my heart. i'm going through stages of simply being quiet. not really knowing why but i'm quiet. grief for me is like someone either ripping my insides out,yearning or deep, quiet, hollow grief in my heart and stomach. other times i act weird to kinda 'make a statement'of my mother's passing. comes and goes.

you seem like a very caring person.

god bless

sue

[blue202]

**** CONGRATULATIONS ! CHARSMOM2 *****

on the birth of your daughter... for every death, there is a life -

and by the sounds, it was exactly that in your case.

I cant begin to imagine how you felt going thru the birth, without your mum there.. We are contemplating trying for a girl (as I have 2 boys) and I am apprehensive about how emotional I will be not being able to go thru the pregnancy without my mum being around as with the other two.

I pray that Abigail will fill the void you have been feeling so long with the loss of your mum (I am not saying she will replace it in anyway, or that you will forget it), but such love that comes with a newborn child is so great that I hope it will help you heal also...

Tara12 - I have emailed you directly a few times, but I havent heard back, I am getting worried, please email me: blue202@aapt.net.au

Hey Connie, Joseph, Robbin, Eulaha, Papermoon, Guest, Littlebug, Dee and everyone else that may just be reading too... I just want to say I hope you are all ok, and that you are with people who love you, and I hope that each day gets a little easier for you...

I am reading a book about grief at the moment, and it was just one little sentence that somehow has helped me a little this past week... and it said

"You can choose to be a VICTIM of grief" or you can fight against it by picking up the pieces of your life....

But that one word, in that sentence "VICTIM" made me realise, that I am acting like I 'AM' a victim of this. But I know I dont have to be.

I still cry. I still get very sad, and feel major loss and heartache.

But I set a goal each day, to do the best I can do for myself that day.

It has only been 3 months. And I know this rollercoaster of emotions has only just begun, but I have decided that I will fight this - and I am not going to let it rule or ruin my life in anyway... as my MUM wouldnt want that.

She was strong, and would want me to be strong too.

I am still allowing myself to grieve - by I am not letting it take control.

Well, thats my say for tonight, and I pray for us all at lunch time each day (Aussie time) and think of us as united and strong together...

Take care, and travel well..

Ranae xx

[deewithgreeneyes]

Hi Renaee,

So beautifully put...about being a victim. I will remember that quote. I am so glad that you are doing well, very glad. You have made it through the rain and hopefully many of us will follow....

Enjoy life's journey but leave no tracks, Dee

[cantbelieveit]

Charsmom2 Congratulations............Hope all is well.

Littlebug good to hear from you. I am not overly excited about Easter myself, definitely am avoiding even thinking to much about Mother's Day. I loved to see mom on holidays and she loved being with family. It feels like it can not even be real.

I am just spending time thinking and reflecting and trying to set some goals for myself. I find myself tired these days and not fully motivated. I do like Spring and I did just move also so I am glad about that.

Sometimes I have a hard time even knowing what I need or want but I just go through the motions. I need to do something for myself. Whatever that may be.

Thank you all for your support I hope you have some happiness in your day.

Be back soon.

[littlebug]

Charsmom2, Congratulations! I've been wondering about you and the baby. I am so glad you both are doing fine. I know it had to have been hard without your mother there. Mine is due in September and that is all I can think about is how unfair it is that she will not be there. But, I believe they are still with us, only in a different way now. And I believe your mom knows all about your new baby, and was with you all the way. I am so happy for you and glad you are back. Donna

[eulaha]

Congratulations charsmom2

[charsmom2]

Littlebug, how is your pg going? You were due Sep. 30th, right? That is my b-day and it seems like I knew someone that was due then. Hope things are going well for you. It is hard. I don't know how many times I wanted to call my mom up and complain about how I was feeling, or share the news of feeling the baby move, going shopping for the baby - I think that is what I miss the most. And thinking about how this baby won't have anything my mom bought her is hard. My dad is trying though, bless his heart.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I had my dad in the delivery room with me & my husband. I was so glad that he was able to be part of this amazing event. He stood up by my head so he didn't actually see everything (I didn't even want my husband watching down there, lol). He was so happy, first real smile I had seen in a such a long time. He is so in love this his granddaughter!! I am so thankful I asked him to be part of this since I feel it was the next best thing to having my mom with me. He had never witnessed a birth. He wasn't in the delivery room when my brother or I were born so it was all new to him. At least I had a easy delivery this time around. So much better than my first. So now my dad has no idea how bad it really can be and we were joking around about it.

[mommysgirl]

I LOST MY MOOM ON 12-03-20000. I MISS HER EVERY DAY.I WENT TO THE CEMATERY THE OTHER DAY. GOT DOWN ON MY KNESS,TOUCHED HER GRAVE AND BALLED.YOU WILLNEVER GET OVER LOSING YOU'RE MOM.I CRINGE EVERY TIME I SEE A MOTHER&DAUGHTER TOGETHER.IT TICKS ME OFF THO,WHEN I SEE A MAN OR WOMAN DISREPECT THEIR MOM AND DAD.THERE ARE SO MANY TIMES I WANT TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL MOM,WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS. i LOVE MOM AND MISS HER,STILL 6YRS.LATER

[clittlelady]

SUELOWE:

Absolutely do not mind. It's in being able to share, that I continue to heal, however, I understand what you mean by having quiet times. I, too, have been there. My grief is so different now, it's present each day, but in a different tone. I still feel lost. Love my Mother. Hate this emptiness, but know the Journey continues for all of us. I view life so much differently than before. Each day is precious. How long has your Mother been gone? I sure wish you peace in mind, body and spirit that I know only time will bring. You will be in my prayers. Look forward to talking more with you, as you feel like. God Bless. Take Care.

Connie

[asheepoo21]

well i just had a breakdown a minute ago. there is so much on my mind right now that i dont even know what to do. im 16 i dont think that i should have to deal with this right now. its almost 2 years. 2 years exactly on the 18th of this month. everyday it gets harder. i play softball and that takes up ALOT of time. considering that my coach is a huge douche bag doesnt help, and anything that i do is not good enough. i play for my school and so you have to have good grades to be on the team, well i got put on acedemic probation because my grades have fallen greatly. i just dont even know what to do. nobody understands that right now grades and softball is just not the only things on my mind right now. i am trying to deal with the fact that i am not going to be able to see my mother again for a really long time, and then as soon as i am over her 2 year anniversary, my dads will be rolling around in june, right along with fathers day and moms anniversary with my birthday and mothers day. what a great time. i cant focus in school and everything that i do right now is a complete failure. please some help me!!!!!!!!!!

[clittlelady]

CHARSMOM:

Congratulations at the birth of your baby! So glad to hear gladness. It does reaffirm that the world keeps turning, when the miracle of new life spreads. I wish you all the best. Take Care.

Connie

[clittlelady]

ASHEEPOO21:

Grief is huge and you are entitled to hurt and feel all these flood of emotions, you just can't let them consume you and I know it's almost impossible sometimes to fight it, but you must. Your parents wouldn't want your education to suffer, right? I mean, your hope in your future, falls back to your education. Many people do succeed and have success without a formal education, but it's extremely rare, especially in the age bracket you're in, it will be harder as you reach adult status. You do still have your whole life ahead of you and you can do whatever it is that you desire. The canvas is still blank. You're the artist who adds the color and strokes and works to make it the picture you want it to be. One that when you stand back someday, you can say, "it wasn't easy, but I accomplished it and am proud and it's a beautiful picture." You honor your parents whom you've lost, by living a positive successful life, inspite of your grief. I'm not sure, but I think grief takes on many different stages and each one can take a life form of it's on, if we let it, anger, withdrawal, the feeling of losing control. You can fight Sweetie, you have to. My heart breaks for you. People don't really understand, unless they too have been there and feel the hurt of being left behind, as you have at such a young age. Your coach, other faculty or peers at school, they're not in the same world you are,unless they've been there. Don't expect too much from them, because of that fact. Do you have a counselor at school? And if so, have you talked to them? It's not too late to refocus on your grades and studies. Keep your grief time, allow yourself to feel your pain and emotions, but if you can, try to set aside a specific time during the week and weekend to re-explore your feelings and let it out, cry your eyes out and beat a pillow, revisit your photos, things that are dear to you. Write it all down, all that you feel at those times and what you feel about yourself and where you are today, compared to where you have been. Write down your dreams and how you see yourself conquering them, despite the fact that your parents are gone. Be fair to yourself, you're young. You should still be able make time for friends who are positive influences, share laughter, do something that is fun. It's okay to have fun. You're still living. You didn't die. You have to continue. It's not disrespecting your parent's memory to try to enjoy your life. What do you think you can do to re-prioritize your life, so that you can get everything straight at school?

Don't worry, you're not losing it, you're just letting it take control and we're all guilty of that. You fight to take back control. You're going to get through this. You're going to get things straight. I believe that. There are so many good things waiting out there for you, opportunities maybe you've never even thought of. What interests you? What are your career dreams or goals? You've suffered much at a young age and have much knowledge and heart to give back. You don't have to wait to be an adult or college education to do that. Are you involved with a church or any community organizations? If you can get involved in something that lets you help others, you'll begin to feel alive again inside. I promise. Visit a local nursing home, make some little old person who has been forgotten smile. Those are just some suggestions. I think you get the idea. Good Luck Honey, you'll be in my prayers. I'll be here if you need me.

Connie

[asheepoo21]

ASHEEPOO21:

Grief is huge and you are entitled to hurt and feel all these flood of emotions, you just can't let them consume you and I know it's almost impossible sometimes to fight it, but you must. Your parents wouldn't want your education to suffer, right? I mean, your hope in your future, falls back to your education. Many people do succeed and have success without a formal education, but it's extremely rare, especially in the age bracket you're in, it will be harder as you reach adult status. You do still have your whole life ahead of you and you can do whatever it is that you desire. The canvas is still blank. You're the artist who adds the color and strokes and works to make it the picture you want it to be. One that when you stand back someday, you can say, "it wasn't easy, but I accomplished it and am proud and it's a beautiful picture." You honor your parents whom you've lost, by living a positive successful life, inspite of your grief. I'm not sure, but I think grief takes on many different stages and each one can take a life form of it's on, if we let it, anger, withdrawal, the feeling of losing control. You can fight Sweetie, you have to. My heart breaks for you. People don't really understand, unless they too have been there and feel the hurt of being left behind, as you have at such a young age. Your coach, other faculty or peers at school, they're not in the same world you are,unless they've been there. Don't expect too much from them, because of that fact. Do you have a counselor at school? And if so, have you talked to them? It's not too late to refocus on your grades and studies. Keep your grief time, allow yourself to feel your pain and emotions, but if you can, try to set aside a specific time during the week and weekend to re-explore your feelings and let it out, cry your eyes out and beat a pillow, revisit your photos, things that are dear to you. Write it all down, all that you feel at those times and what you feel about yourself and where you are today, compared to where you have been. Write down your dreams and how you see yourself conquering them, despite the fact that your parents are gone. Be fair to yourself, you're young. You should still be able make time for friends who are positive influences, share laughter, do something that is fun. It's okay to have fun. You're still living. You didn't die. You have to continue. It's not disrespecting your parent's memory to try to enjoy your life. What do you think you can do to re-prioritize your life, so that you can get everything straight at school?

Don't worry, you're not losing it, you're just letting it take control and we're all guilty of that. You fight to take back control. You're going to get through this. You're going to get things straight. I believe that. There are so many good things waiting out there for you, opportunities maybe you've never even thought of. What interests you? What are your career dreams or goals? You've suffered much at a young age and have much knowledge and heart to give back. You don't have to wait to be an adult or college education to do that. Are you involved with a church or any community organizations? If you can get involved in something that lets you help others, you'll begin to feel alive again inside. I promise. Visit a local nursing home, make some little old person who has been forgotten smile. Those are just some suggestions. I think you get the idea. Good Luck Honey, you'll be in my prayers. I'll be here if you need me.

Connie[/quote

CONNIE:

hey there. thanks for your support. it really helped me out to wake up this morning and read it. i am involved in a ton of things. maybe so much that it doesnt help. i am involved in my church. i go on mission trips every summer. im going to mississippi to help out with the hurricane relief stuff. last summer i went to the dominican republic and helped out the needy. i am very involved in my church youth group. i am on the youth committee. i am in church choir. i am on music committee. i play the piano and take lessons. i play softball for school. i am on student council at school. i am in the choir at school and i do an extra caricular chorus group at school. yeah i do alot. lol but it keeps me busy and keeps me from getting into things that i shouldnt be doing. like drugs, sex, etc.

i know what i want to do with my life, its just getting there first. i want to be an orthopedic surgeon / sports medicine doctor. i want to go to either western kentucky university or the University of Louisville, or University of Kentucky. So i have about an 18 year dream as soon as i get out of highschool.

i write ALOT. i write poetry alot and i journal alot of the time too.

maybe you would like to hear some of them:

The empty path

Your thoughtful heart,

Your teander face,

A hole inside me, no one can ever replace

I've grieved and grieved,

Though I know your gone

Your in my heart to carry on

You've led the path,

In which I should now lead,

And from you,

I know exactly what your followers need

I'll take their hand and lead the way,

And deep inside,

I know we'll meet again someday

well thats one that i wrote about my great gma dieing in october 2003. i have more, but no time to type them.

well thank you so much.

you will also be in my prayers.

xoxox ashley

[clittlelady]

ASHEEPOO:

Whew! You wore ME out just reading off all your activities you're involved in. That's great though. You're right, need to keep busy. I'm so glad to hear you have goals. You'll reach them. Keep the same spirit you have now and you will. I live in Northern Louisiana. I have many relatives in the southern part of the state, but only a few were touched by the hurricanes. I love poetry. Write some myself, just to vent. Thank you for sharing your poem. It was lovely. I'm glad we could talk. I'm here if you need me.

Connie

[eulaha]

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 55. Happy birthday, mom.

[asheepoo21]

ASHEEPOO:

Whew! You wore ME out just reading off all your activities you're involved in. That's great though. You're right, need to keep busy. I'm so glad to hear you have goals. You'll reach them. Keep the same spirit you have now and you will. I live in Northern Louisiana. I have many relatives in the southern part of the state, but only a few were touched by the hurricanes. I love poetry. Write some myself, just to vent. Thank you for sharing your poem. It was lovely. I'm glad we could talk. I'm here if you need me.

Connie

yep, people tell me taht im a woman on a mission. haha. im feeling much better today. working on homework and projects and stuff so that i can get those grades back up.

thanks alot.

ashley

[josephb]

have you finished the book yet,connie?

[Guest Guest]

hi

my name is kelly and i just recently lost my mother. she was 45 and she had phnemonia and died almost out of nowhere. it was a total shock and it only happend about 2 months ago. i am going through so much right now and i feel i have nobody to talk to.

i want to know how to deal with things. i never talk about my mother to anybody but my family and recently my boyfriend asked me why i never talk about her. i dont know why and i was wondering if anybody had any advice for me. ive been so confused lately.

thank you so much!

-kelly

[josephb]

kelly,

i loss my mom 4 months ago today, a fews days after she turned 43 years old.she battled alpha-1 anti-tryspin enzyme defieceny disease for over 10 years and it is hard to deal with.some days i feel ok and others i feel like dying.

[kellyrose]

joseph,

i feel the same way! like some days i will feel fine about it and then other days i will feel horrible. i feel bad if i dont feel depressed about it which makes things so confusing. i dont talk about it with my friends either and it makes things so wierd because sometimes my friends will say, "do you miss your mom, you never talk about her!" and ofcourse i miss her. its just hard to talk about still.

-kelly

[josephb]

the days when i fill ok are the days when im not thinking of my mom and i put her out of my head(i guess it's a way of coping) the days when i feel like **** are when im thinking of her and how much i miss her or if i see something she gave me it brings me back to reality that she is gone. its still hard to comprehend that she was alive months ago but no longer is today

i dont think it's anything to feel horrible about(atleast i hope not)i guess it's just how the human brain works. you go through a bunch of up's and down's and i think your brain eventually gets tired of dealing with the stress and it just shuts down. you might not always feel depressed but im sure you are, as am i, and everyone else on here(wonderful people by the way)