Lost my wife.

[RichS]

7 hours ago, KMkm said:

I'll work til the day I die.

I agree with what Kay said. We're all struggling with our losses; and God has a plan for each one of us (which usually requires some pain and/or sacrifice). Knowing that, we have to continue on, especially if we have have those who depend on us. As for working, I've worked with some folks who've thrown themselves into their jobs. It didn't take me long to realize that they were trying to avoid some painful experiences in their lives. By doing that over a period of time, they often experienced more illness (physical and mental). It can be a form of self-destruction.

I along with others on this board have tried to comfort you with our friendship and advised you with our own experiences. That is all any of us can expect from each other. Regarding your situation, I've probably shared my opinion to the point where if I go any further, I'll be stepping out of bounds. Others may continue to offer advice, but I decided that I've said enough. In fact, re-read everyone else's posts (except mine) from the beginning of this thread to the present and see if you can possibly change your feelings on your situation. This is my last post on this thread. At this point, my prayers are with you and your kids.

[Scott56]

10 hours ago, KMkm said:

10 hours ago, KMkm said:

I can work hard but grief is different for everyone.  The pain in my head and heart sometimes makes me feel like I can't take it.  Pills and talking don't help and I just really find myself thinking about myself and no one else.  When that happens I feel worse cause my kids do need me but like i said the pain is sometimes unbearable.  Many of you want to be happy and find reasons to live.  I don't.  I'm done wanting to be happy or find something to live for.  I don't care anymore.  Why do I need to find happiness when it can be ripped away from me again to just have to go through this again.  I'll work til the day I die.  My kids will grow up with or without me.  Time still passes and the world keeps going.  I don't want or need to relax or have fun, all I'm going to do is work and hopefully die suddenly.  I know that sucks and I'm a awful person to put all this on my kids and family.  Nothing will change unless I want to change....I just don't want to.

Kkm, I understand the pain you’re experiencing, I don’t understand the need to punish yourself. Any one of us can die at any time, that is why we are supposed to make the most of each day.You got to experience love , start a family and share that with someone that most likely adored you. That is so much more than others get to experience in a lifetime.  

My days are often painful , I get very sad at times but I still look for good and cherish the happy moments or the calm moments. If I didn’t push on and try and stay positive I know my wife would be very disappointed and turn her back to me when I get to see her again. The thought of letting her down hurts me physically after what happened to her.

I think Rich S had the best advice to re read all you have been through. I hope you can find your way.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Scott56 said:

If I didn’t push on and try and stay positive I know my wife would be very disappointed and turn her back to me when I get to see her again.

George would never do that.  He'd be the first to understand me.  I do this for me.

[Scott56]

I was just suggesting that if he can’t do it for him he can do it to honor her.Gonna stop now, always gonna upset someone and that wasn’t my intent. 

[Amburr]

I don’t post on here often, I’m more of a silent observer, but I feel like on this one I can’t just say nothing. I thought this forum was a judgement free zone. We’re all here because we lost our partner. People come here to feel validated in their feelings. They come here to vent because every single person here can understand. I’ve seen people post their highs, they’ve posted their lows, they share recipes and songs, they share aspects of their life, I’ve seen it all. @RichS I don’t agree with the end of your post. While I understand everyone has an opinion to me that came across like you were judging him. Everyone grieves differently. But at the end of the day he lost his wife just like you lost yours. He was trying to express his feelings and you pretty much said well myself and others have tried, I’m over it, good luck. At least that’s how it came across to me. What @KMkm was expressing is no different than other people consistently talking about waiting for the rapture to take them in every single post (no offense). I feel like if you were going to say this is my last post good luck maybe you shouldn’t have posted at all. 

[KayC]

@Scott56 I am sorry if I made you feel that way.  Try not to personalize if someone looks at something from a different angle, it's not an attack by any means, just because I look at things differently, that's just me.

And Rich, I also felt there's no need to say you won't post here again, just leave off with it but not necessary to say it.

[RichS]

6 minutes ago, KayC said:

And Rich, I also felt there's no need to say you won't post here again, just leave off with it but not necessary to say it.

Kay------in looking at that statement, yes, I should have not said "I'm done posting on this thread." I should have simply stopped right before saying that and simply not posted without saying anything. My apologies............

 

38 minutes ago, Amburr said:

I don’t agree with the end of your post.

Amburr:  I apologize if I offended you or anyone else on this thread. As I mentioned to Kay above, I should have simply stopped right before saying that and simply not posted without saying anything.

YOU NEVER STOP LEARNING FROM YOUR MISTAKES............

[KayC]

@RichS , I really like you and have never disagreed with you, but I did feel at the time perhaps it was better left unsaid.  Always good to learn, myself included!

[Shinka]

It seems to me there's a fine line between being judgemental and putting up boundaries. The first is uncalled for, the second a necessity  for true compassion. I felt Rich was doing the latter, but admittedly the wording was somewhat unfortunate. Ah, the pitfalls of communication... 

[KMkm]

I feel this way cause I probably have a mental illness.  I don't think many people like working everyday.  I need to work and it has been this way for almost 2 decades.  I feel that people have one point they stand behind.  Everyone needs to or has to live.  Does everyone need to want the same thing...I don't think so.  I have learned that I need to be here, as well as I don't need to be happy, I don't need to be in another relationship, nor do I need to figure out why I would rather be dead.  People tell me I need to take care of myself but the same people don't follow their own advice.  I worked for the railway so not eating all day, or sleeping more than a few hours for weeks is what I'm used to.  I don't ask for help as often as I should nor do I want help since when I need it the most no one is around.  I'm 46 years old, I can go without eating for days, I can hold my breath for more than 3 minutes, I can push myself so hard I almost pass out.  So in my eyes my body is more than capable enough to handle more than the people telling me to take care of myself.  I post on here cause I wrote down what I feel.  I don't need advice I just people to listen.  Also I'm not stating these things to have people tell me that those things don't matter.  I know they don't but my mind is broken and like the most durable thing if one part fails well nothing works.  If most people don't know what I'm talking about its like fighting yourself in your own head.  I scream at myself thinking how useless and lazy I am but the other voice is telling me that I'm strong and capable.  Most days I wish I wasn't here not because I don't want to...its more that I don't deserve it.  That's why I punish myself more than a lot of people realize.  Pain quiets the voices.  This will be my last post.  I hope that people can find words of comfort in this post.  I'm not giving up I'm just done posting.  Thank you to all who have read.  

[KayC]

1 hour ago, KMkm said:

This will be my last post. 

I hate to hear that, you've been a regular here and posting gives vent (and audience) to our feelings, which DO matter! I hope you will change your mind.

[Roxeanne]

KMkm i understand your pain...your words are full of pain!

We can understand...sometimes seems impossible overcome that pain! Please be kind to yourself, what's happened is not your fault...you don't have to punish yourself!

How painful it is it's life...it's happened to all of us!

Please keep post here, we can help each other, you  can say everything you have in your mind...we understand!

Take care of yourself hugs Roxi

[Scott56]

8 hours ago, KMkm said:

I feel this way cause I probably have a mental illness.  I don't think many people like working everyday.  I need to work and it has been this way for almost 2 decades.  I feel that people have one point they stand behind.  Everyone needs to or has to live.  Does everyone need to want the same thing...I don't think so.  I have learned that I need to be here, as well as I don't need to be happy, I don't need to be in another relationship, nor do I need to figure out why I would rather be dead.  People tell me I need to take care of myself but the same people don't follow their own advice.  I worked for the railway so not eating all day, or sleeping more than a few hours for weeks is what I'm used to.  I don't ask for help as often as I should nor do I want help since when I need it the most no one is around.  I'm 46 years old, I can go without eating for days, I can hold my breath for more than 3 minutes, I can push myself so hard I almost pass out.  So in my eyes my body is more than capable enough to handle more than the people telling me to take care of myself.  I post on here cause I wrote down what I feel.  I don't need advice I just people to listen.  Also I'm not stating these things to have people tell me that those things don't matter.  I know they don't but my mind is broken and like the most durable thing if one part fails well nothing works.  If most people don't know what I'm talking about its like fighting yourself in your own head.  I scream at myself thinking how useless and lazy I am but the other voice is telling me that I'm strong and capable.  Most days I wish I wasn't here not because I don't want to...its more that I don't deserve it.  That's why I punish myself more than a lot of people realize.  Pain quiets the voices.  This will be my last post.  I hope that people can find words of comfort in this post.  I'm not giving up I'm just done posting.  Thank you to all who have read.  

Good luck Kyle , I hope you find some peace. You have my info so don’t hesitate to contact me if you ever feel like talking. 

[KMkm]

I am back.  Things have changed in my life to the point I can write on here and endure judgment and criticism.  Even though I don't believe that this is a place for that and also it wasn't probably the intention of others to convey such things.  I have gone through growth and I have also been through some really, really hard times.  The only thing I can say is that miracles do happen and sometimes they aren't in the form of things like winning the lottery.  I hope that in my absence the messages that were posted since I started this thread have helped others in some way.  I also hope I can write more to inspire others to soldier on and to accept the good, bad and in some instances the most horrible things that could happen in one's life.  The passing of my young wife and the subsequent loss of my job, finances and sanity have shown me my true strength even though in my eyes I'm just trying to survive.  A lot of people see me as strong and resilient even though they don't see the constant crying and inability to function as a human being at times.  I will post more on this thread and hopefully my journey can still inspire others to know there is definitely going to be times that test you and push you to the edge but those are the times we find out who we are and what we can endure.  Life has purpose and also it can be completely pointless but it will never be fair.  I have found one thing that I think about almost daily.  GOD GIVES US PEOPLE WE NEED NOT PEOPLE WE WANT.  I for one have finally come to terms that in grief we find strength.  In pain we find joy.  Memories of the past can show us that we have the ability to make new memories, without the ones we so desperately want back.  My wife would want me to be happy.  My wife would want me to live on and one day when I lay down for the last time.  I'll open my eyes again to see her again and in that instant all the pain and suffering will be forgotten cause for now I can hold her in my arms and once again tell her I love her.  Thanks to everyone for reading this long never ending post...

[RichS]

2 hours ago, KMkm said:

hopefully my journey can still inspire others to know there is definitely going to be times that test you and push you to the edge but those are the times we find out who we are and what we can endure. 

KMkm:  I can tell you this much:  your post expressed so much of my feelings. More than I have expressed in my last 500 posts. Yesterday afternoon, the dark clouds of depression paid me another visit. By late in the evening I decided that I had to start changing things in the morning. First and foremost was finding the time to pray; something which I haven't done enough of lately (hopefully they won't delete this post because of the topic). Reading your "testimony" which was the second uplifting experience I've had this morning. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!! I hope to catch up to you someday in my grieving journey.

[KayC]

I have no idea why you'd feel you'd get criticized/judgment for your post, it's beautiful, thank you for sharing!

[KMkm]

I've come to terms that my wife is gone from my everyday life.  Not in a sense of thought but in physical form.  She is the reason I didn't take my life decades ago.  I gave up on life and what it had to offer.  She came into my life after I dropped put of university where I was taking electrical engineering.  We met while I was living in my moms basement and worked as a gad pump attendant...I pumped gas at a local gas station.  I truly gave up and was living a life of pure hate.  Hatred towards myself and being alive.  So when I tell people that losing my wife hurts.  No one knows the gravity of losing the one person who I spent 18 years with and everyday I looked to her for strength and understanding.  In my eyes I wanted her and also needed her to be Ok.  When she lay dying in the hospital I told myself that if she is called home then I will be going with her soon after.  But I am still here.  I am still fighting every second of the day to be here.  I believe that life is like floating down a river.  You can't stop floating down it or in our case living, well you can but that's not the point.  You float down the river and either you can struggle to reach the bank to stay in that moment forever but you will never reach it.  You fight and swim and exhaust yourself to reach the bank but as you do life passes you by and you never notice that in your attempt to reach the bank that the moment has passed and you are no closer to that bank.  I know this is long winded and might make no sense but I'm not a writer.  What I'm trying to say is just float and enjoy life, as others join  the river yoh help them to understand what life is and to just float with you.  You look at the scenery as it passes just like in life.  You find a way to not struggle swimming but to float peacefully and sometimes others float right beside you and you enjoy life together.  But in life and rivers there are many paths and choosing one sometimes is just that a choice.  To go left or right.  Those choices might be yours but also they may be made for you.  Watching my wife and I go down two different paths hurt but I can't fight to swim back up river which I know is never possible and as I fight I'm missing all that is pasing by me as I travel down the river.  I'm not going to fight anymore.  I'm going to hope that the path I'm on will connect back with her somewhere far down the river.  But til then the people I meet and the scenery I take in will be my journey and the one I'm supposed to be enjoying.  I hope that this helps and I truly hope that everyone who reads this takes solace in knowing that the river of life is a beautiful one no matter which path you take or is laid out in front you.  Stay strong my friends.  Don't fight the current or it will drown you.

[RichS]

1 hour ago, KMkm said:

I'm not going to fight anymore.  I'm going to hope that the path I'm on will connect back with her somewhere far down the river.  But til then the people I meet and the scenery I take in will be my journey and the one I'm supposed to be enjoying.

KMkm:  BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!...........And the quote above is what I'm trying to aim for these days. It's difficult, for sure; but with faith in God I'll improve on it in the future.

[KayC]

21 minutes ago, RichS said:

KMkm:  BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!

I agree.

[SSC]

@KMkm it is so good to have you back!  I’ve thought of you often and been concerned, wondering how you’ve been faring.  So many of us read these threads, we find connections with the individuals even if we may not comment.  I’m very happy you are finding a way through your grief, a way to understand how to live with it.  I very much appreciate your River of life analogy.  I hope and pray for the same thing.   Deep inside I feel my husband is around somewhere, I don’t feel he is really gone, just not HERE.  It’s just all coming to terms with that..not being with him again in this lifetime.

I hope you continue to post and bring your wisdom.  We are all learning how to navigate this horrible bumpy ride and all perspectives are greatly appreciated!

[KMkm]

I've joined a grief group and it's held every Sunday at the local Lutheran church. I understand more than ever that loss and suffering is sometimes part of life.  It's hard to understand why we suffer but maybe we are destined to.  Some people never face loss til late in life and some earlier than they should.  My kids loss will be something they have to face for a lot longer than myself.  The only thing I can say is losing my wife has changed me.  This life I live now is more about finding peace and realizing that I'm better suited to help others than myself.  I will live with this pain even at times when its hard to bear but I keep getting through each day.  It's been just over 2 years and I think about my wife all the time, I cry all the time and I pray all the time.  I can't expect a miracle and one day I hope this all makes sense. My wife used to tell me to slow down and take a break but maybe the years I worked tirelessly to provide for my family was to prepare me for this.  No one will ever go through life and never feel the horrible pain of loss.  It is life that the soul deep inside craves for.  I found that sometimes when I'm crying and contemplating the inevitability of my own passing.  I feel a weird sense of calm, a state of acceptance. My destiny in some manner was written long ago and I belive that choices are made but no matter what we choose it was already decided for us.  Me being here now still after two years and a few attempts to not be I have accepted this.  I'm going to try cause pain isn't something I've run from before so why should I start now.  I hope others read what I wrote and can feel a sense of empowerment.  I'm in immense pain and the only thing I can  compare it to is losing your first love but multiplied by a large number.  Just remember on thing.  Pain and suffering is not and I repeat not a reason to give up.  Courage,  determination and love for oneself and the ones we hold dear are reasons we are here.  My wife came into my life to guide me and at the time I never realized it wouldn't be for long.  I could write for a long time but I doubt anyone would want to read a book length message.  Take care of yourself and the ones around you cause the ones who aren't here can only watch.  Stay strong my friends.

[RichS]

2 hours ago, KMkm said:

I'm in immense pain and the only thing I can  compare it to is losing your first love but multiplied by a large number. 

Great analysis!!!! You've touched on just about everything all of us have been going through at one time or another. Please continue to post here................for yourself and for our benefit...........

[KayC]

KMkm, Good post, 

11 hours ago, KMkm said:

Pain and suffering is not and I repeat not a reason to give up.

Amen

[Jemiga70]

On 1/10/2024 at 7:53 PM, KMkm said:

My destiny in some manner was written long ago and I belive that choices are made but no matter what we choose it was already decided for us. 

I'm starting to believe this is how life works.  I had a dream several months after my wife passed. Some kind of spirit being more less told me that we all come with a blueprint.  We can make choices.  If we go off path we'll get bumped back on track at some point.  Thanks for your post.  Keep on keeping on.

[KMkm]

I live life with meaning.  It may not be like most people do.  I believe in previous posts I may sound like I go from wanting live to not wanting to be here.  It's hard going through the highs and lows.  I really never know what each day will bring.  But the thing that everyday has in common is that I have to fight through each one.  I want to give up so badly that it hurts.  I want to say goodbye to the pain, depression and despair.  But saying goodbye means that I have to leave behind my kids, family and friends.  The pain that I live with isn't gone, it's passed to the ones that love me.  I can't make others feel worse, my wife would never want that.  She needs me to fight if it takes every day, every ounce of my being.  I might tell everyone I want to die and I might tell everyone that I can't handle this but what I want isn't important til I find a way to be happy.  I hope everyone understands that my journey isn't like anyone else's nor will it ever be.  Thanks for reading and if I can keep going than I pray you can too.  Stay Strong my friends.

[Gail 8588]

KMkm, 

Your post makes perfect sense to me.  I could have written it a few years ago.  We all have our own circumstances , or own history, and most certainly we each have unique grief journeys.  But many of us share the waves of lows where we feel we can't  go on without our lost love. I often felt that the loss and pain my 2 boys would suffer if they lost both their parents was more than I could heap on them.  I had to go on, no matter my pain. 

I put one foot in front of another feeling like a zombie, emotionally detached from the world.  But eventually, I made my way back to living.  At 7 years, I'm  no longer a zombie. I'm  am glad I'm  still here.

 

[KayC]

It makes perfect sense to me.  A part of me would want to go if it weren't for my Kodie puppy, but another part of me wants to see what good there is in today...and thus I've kept going for over 18 1/2 years now.  I can't believe it's been that long!  And I realize the rest of my life is like a vapor that appears for a time and then passes...away.

[RichS]

Same feelings, here. If it weren't for Ross I'd be ready to check out of this place. So, I will continue on until the man upstairs calls me (which I hope is not for a long while)..................

[KMkm]

I heard something today.  Growing old is a gift. I sometimes forget that.  When my wife passed away I thought my life was over and I was destined to be miserable the rest of my life.  I'm starting to believe that my destiny is more about learning to live for myself.  I spent my marriage trying to work and make my wife and my kids lives easier.  I spent it hiding from life because I never thought I deserved it. My late wife tried to get me to slow down  and enjoy what was right in front of me.  I regret so much not spending time with her and my kids.  I regret so much and it kills me to think about how much I missed.  But again growing old is a gift.  It's something to celebrate and everyone knows that saying goodbye isn't about the end.  It's about where you are now, where would I be if I never had her in my life.  I am so blessed to have met my wife.  I now realize that life is hard, loss is hard but it's beautiful.  Suffering a great loss is an emotion no one wants to endure. Loss is life but it doesn't mean we must let that pain overshadow love.  I loved and will continue to love my wife til I die.  I'll be ok and I'll live and love again.  My wife gave me her love and I'll keep that forever.  But I want to share my love and my ability to help others.  Never give up.  Never give into the pain.  Life is hard and you know what...it should be because it's worth it.  Stay strong my friends.

[RichS]

KMkm: Once again, another well written response on how we should live our lives after losing our partners. Of the things that you mentioned, I have so much progress to make in all of them. I'll probably spend the rest of my life working on them.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/25/2024 at 10:36 PM, KMkm said:

I live life with meaning.  It may not be like most people do.  I believe in previous posts I may sound like I go from wanting live to not wanting to be here.  It's hard going through the highs and lows.  I really never know what each day will bring.  But the thing that everyday has in common is that I have to fight through each one.  I want to give up so badly that it hurts.  I want to say goodbye to the pain, depression and despair.  But saying goodbye means that I have to leave behind my kids, family and friends.  The pain that I live with isn't gone, it's passed to the ones that love me.  I can't make others feel worse, my wife would never want that.  She needs me to fight if it takes every day, every ounce of my being.  I might tell everyone I want to die and I might tell everyone that I can't handle this but what I want isn't important til I find a way to be happy.  I hope everyone understands that my journey isn't like anyone else's nor will it ever be.  Thanks for reading and if I can keep going than I pray you can too.  Stay Strong my friends.

Hey KMkm I give you a lot of credit for not giving up the fight to live despite all of the pain and agony you are going thru. I survive day by day and don’t think too far into the future cuz I don’t know what is to become of me. I am thankful to God for allowing me to wake up everyday and have another chance at life. I don’t have a clue or how to begin finding a way to be happy.  The only reason I’m still here is because I have my daughter and my beloved cat to live for.  It takes balls to live and it takes a lot more balls for a person to commit suicide.  I hope you that you are able to have peace and happiness in your life. 

[Griefsucks810]

1 hour ago, KMkm said:

I heard something today.  Growing old is a gift. I sometimes forget that.  When my wife passed away I thought my life was over and I was destined to be miserable the rest of my life.  I'm starting to believe that my destiny is more about learning to live for myself.  I spent my marriage trying to work and make my wife and my kids lives easier.  I spent it hiding from life because I never thought I deserved it. My late wife tried to get me to slow down  and enjoy what was right in front of me.  I regret so much not spending time with her and my kids.  I regret so much and it kills me to think about how much I missed.  But again growing old is a gift.  It's something to celebrate and everyone knows that saying goodbye isn't about the end.  It's about where you are now, where would I be if I never had her in my life.  I am so blessed to have met my wife.  I now realize that life is hard, loss is hard but it's beautiful.  Suffering a great loss is an emotion no one wants to endure. Loss is life but it doesn't mean we must let that pain overshadow love.  I loved and will continue to love my wife til I die.  I'll be ok and I'll live and love again.  My wife gave me her love and I'll keep that forever.  But I want to share my love and my ability to help others.  Never give up.  Never give into the pain.  Life is hard and you know what...it should be because it's worth it.  Stay strong my friends.

Hey KMkm you are right that growing old is a gift.  I’m grateful just to be able to wake up everyday and have another day at life. I don’t know where I’d be if I never met my husband.  He loved me unconditionally for all of me like no other man had ever did. I will forever carry the love he had for me and all of the memories we shared together in my heart. He was only 57 yo when he died and I still feel we were cheated out of our forever and we didn’t get to grow old together. 

It’s just me, my daughter, my cat and her dog all living under one roof.  Life seems hard for me cuz I have anxiety and major depressive disorder both of which rule my emotions and feelings with an iron fist.  

I have to learn how overcome my depression and anxiety cuz it’s been interfering with my day to day life cuz I don’t do anything around the house, I don’t have a daily routine or a regular sleep schedule, I don’t eat right or exercise daily and I stopped cooking meals.  All I do is lay in my bed all day and watch tv, eat something quick and easy and walk the dog 2x’s per day then its back to laying in my bed.  This is how I’ve been living for the past 4 years since my husband died.  I’m not living a healthy lifestyle and know I must make significant changes to improve my physical health and my mental health so my quality of life will improve so I can be a productive person who has a daily routine and that I can maintain my household duties again as well as thinking and feeling positively about myself and my life.  

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/26/2024 at 9:57 AM, RichS said:

Same feelings, here. If it weren't for Ross I'd be ready to check out of this place. So, I will continue on until the man upstairs calls me (which I hope is not for a long while)..................

If it wasn’t for having my daughter and my beloved cat in my life, I too would be ready to check out of this place.  I hope that I am able to live a long and healthy life (preferably to age 90-95) until God decides to take me. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/26/2024 at 4:09 AM, KayC said:

It makes perfect sense to me.  A part of me would want to go if it weren't for my Kodie puppy, but another part of me wants to see what good there is in today...and thus I've kept going for over 18 1/2 years now.  I can't believe it's been that long!  And I realize the rest of my life is like a vapor that appears for a time and then passes...away.

Our beloved pets keep us going cuz they depend on us for their every need.
I commend you for keeping it going for 18 1/2 years; what is your secret to your success? Can you post some of things you have done to live a new life for yourself? Your input would be very helpful to me cuz I’m still stuck at how I’m supposed to build a new life for myself. 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, KMkm said:

Growing old is a gift.

I love this.  Sometimes it seems a curse, when George died I knew I likely had 40 years to do without him...that fed anxiety.  I've learned to do one day at a time, and I love remembering that growing old is a GIFT!

[HisMunchkin]

There have been times when I wish I could be dead too, but then I think of my dog who can't survive without medication and has separation anxiety and I feel a need to find strength to go on.  She's all I have in terms of immediate companion, and I am all she has and I love her so very much. 

[Griefsucks810]

4 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

There have been times when I wish I could be dead too, but then I think of my dog who can't survive without medication and has separation anxiety and I feel a need to find strength to go on.  She's all I have in terms of immediate companion, and I am all she has and I love her so very much. 

I share your feelings about keeping it going cuz we have pets that depend on us for their every need.  My cat is all I have and she’s my life companion.  I love her with all of my heart and she shows me her unconditional love, attention, affection and her loyalty every day.  Can’t go to sleep without her laying next to me every night. 

[KayC]

You quoted as if it was me saying it but it was a quote within my post, it doesn't show that.

Nonetheless, I am a little torn by that statement, like I said, sometimes it feels like a curse that we live to be so old, esp. since I truly am alone, no kids nearby or siblings.  But I try to look at it as a gift, it's something I work on.  I try to take on each day as it comes.

Yesterday my sunday school teacher responded rather offbeat to my way of looking at it...we're to get high winds this week in our county...they haven't yet restored everyone's power from the LAST storm and those rural wait the longest, they give more attention to outages affecting a lot of people.  A friend of mine is waiting until 2/6 to get his restored, that will make 3 1/2 weeks out for him...no food or water, on a well you don't have anything.  Now they say the new outages could push THAT date back!  The teacher responded (when I asked for prayer about it):  "They've done w/o for centuries, blah blah blah..."  Okay, let's see HIM go without!  That'd be a different story!  As far away as I live from town it'd be a huge hardship.  And I can't eat everything others eat.

[HisMunchkin]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

we're to get high winds this week in our county...they haven't yet restored everyone's power from the LAST storm and those rural wait the longest, they give more attention to outages affecting a lot of people.  A friend of mine is waiting until 2/6 to get his restored, that will make 3 1/2 weeks out for him...no food or water, on a well you don't have anything.  Now they say the new outages could push THAT date back!  The teacher responded (when I asked for prayer about it):  "They've done w/o for centuries, blah blah blah..." 

??  Who is "they"?  People in general?  And they managed to live without food and water for centuries?

[KayC]

"They" in this instance is referring to the power companies.  I assumed you'd all realize that.

 

4 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

And they managed to live without food and water for centuries?

That's why I thought it an off comment.

[HisMunchkin]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

"They" in this instance is referring to the power companies.  I assumed you'd all realize that.

I was actually trying to make a joke, but then I just realized that I really did misunderstand the meaning of "they".  I thought the teacher meant that "They (people living in rural areas?) have done w/o (electricity) for centuries".  And then I was mocking that comment as if they were saying that the people managed to live without food and water for centuries, which is ridiculous. 

[KMkm]

I live in a place where the winters go to -40 and the summers can get to almost 40c.  Power failures don't last really long cause if they did we would be in a bad place.  We don't have the population density up here but we do have a lot of area to cover.  I try not get myself to wound up over things going wrong because I can't handle it very well.  I hope everyone is doing well this year.  I am trying harder to face the grief and to make sure I'm not hiding from it.  It's very hard to sit with it and be silent.  I try to work as much as I can to avoid the pain but it still finds me.  Destroys the peace I built up and the walls to protect me.  One thing I will say is that I depend too much on friendly communication.  I mean that I try to message or talk to others that I consider friends but their lives are busy and I turn to my phone anxiously waiting for someone to respond and it's hard to see my phone has no new messages.  I then find myself getting sad just for that.  I find myself  feeling how alone I am without my best friend and wife to talk to.  One day it will get better right.  One day it will hurt less.  One day I'll find that peace and quiet..nice to have that...right.  One day.....one day I'll be.....ok

[Gail 8588]

8 minutes ago, KMkm said:

. . . One day it will get better right.  One day it will hurt less.  One day I'll find that peace and quiet..nice to have that...right.  One day.....one day I'll be.....ok

KMkm,

In my experience, yes it got better, it hurts less, and I can enjoy peace and quiet, though I do often talk to my dead husband during that peace and quiet. 

Seriously, getting through each day, evening, and night is so much better and  continues to get better. 

There are still bumps in life that can fire up my grief, such as deaths of other family members.  But at 7 years, most of the time I am functioning well. 

There is always a huge void in my life that my husband once filled.  That hasn't  disappeared.  But I carry his memory with me much more easily and can speak of him freely now without tears. 

[KayC]

On 1/29/2024 at 6:31 PM, HisMunchkin said:

I was actually trying to make a joke, but then I just realized that I really did misunderstand the meaning of "they".  I thought the teacher meant that "They (people living in rural areas?) have done w/o (electricity) for centuries".  And then I was mocking that comment as if they were saying that the people managed to live without food and water for centuries, which is ridiculous. 

That IS what he said, and I thought it extremely off and a less that stellar response to my prayer request.

1 hour ago, KMkm said:

I live in a place where the winters go to -40

As soon as you said that I knew you were going to say Canada, I have another friend that lives there and he has the same.  

[RichS]

1 hour ago, KMkm said:

One thing I will say is that I depend too much on friendly communication.  I mean that I try to message or talk to others that I consider friends but their lives are busy and I turn to my phone anxiously waiting for someone to respond and it's hard to see my phone has no new messages.  I then find myself getting sad just for that.

All of us on this board are here when the phone gets quiet. I think you know that............................

[KMkm]

I'm glad I have people that understand the sound of silence.  I'm sad but I can also be happy.  I am also glad to know that anything I say won't be taken the wrong way and I won't be criticized or judged like before.  I do know I'm stuck in my grief.  I push it away when I dive into work and parenting.  It's not good and I want to find a way through it but I believe that time is my only way.  There is no way through or around it but I must live with it.  Embrace the pain unlike the pain that comes with accomplishment.  Maybe like owning a pet that you know you will outlive.  The physical pain that comes with exercise or determination.  Pain is the payment of love and I will hold that pain just like I held my wife's love so tightly.  She was my world.  Now my kids will fill the void but not completely.

[KayC]

It made me think of this old song:

 

[RichS]

Ah yes, "HELLO DARKNESS, MY OLD FRIEND. I'VE COME TO TALK WITH YOU AGAIN." These words come to mind when depression (mostly from grieving) starts setting in. The Beach Boys, "Til I Die" reminds me of this song. Neither song is cheerful (IMO) and can only be appreciated if you happen to be in a dark place, emotionally; which I hope is infrequently as possible, FOR ALL OF US.

There's no right or wrong way to feel about ANY SONG. This is just my two cents worth about these two songs.

[KMkm]

Wiz Khalifa - See You Again ft. Charlie Puth  

This song I feel is better for optimism.  I know my wife is waiting.  This is one reason I keep going.  I want to tell her everything about my life since she left.  I cry the whole time I listen to this song but I need to. I find ways that bring me to tears to face the grief and to feel better.  The world around me changes, the life I live changes.  I struggle, I thrive, I continue to live.  As long as I breathe I will feel pain and also one day happiness.  For now i do not feel anything other than pain but does that mean life isn't worth living?  I feel that for the years I enjoyed the life I had with my wife I need to feel the pain of loss.  I'm not letting grief destroy me but I will let it guide me to something better.  As the song goes.  It's been a long day without you my friend but I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.  I love my wife and I'll see her again.  If I see her too soon I'll be dishonored and also disappointed with myself.  With that said.   Stay strong  my friends.  We will all get there when our time on earth is done and no sooner.  Don't let the pain consume you.  Don't let it force you to your knees for too long.  Stand up, take a deep breath and scream out or whatever you need to so we can get through this together.

[JorisV]

Songs (I am a music man, love music all my life, but I'm not at all a musician) and pets (I have 2 dogs), don't ease the pain for me.  Friends do, a little, and in times like this, you learn to know who are your real friends. My girlfriend passed away 15 days ago, after being sick (pneumonia in combination with breathing problems) for only 2-3 weeks. The worst is, in my opinion, she didn't have to die, her death is I'm quite sure the result of the wrong medication, or at least a wrong combination of meds. Who gives meds that can often cause breathing problems to someone who already has breathing problems? "Giving Up" isn't in my "book of life", I never give up, but this time, I think in that direction. She was 46, I'm 64, she is Filipina, I'm from Belgium, Europe. I have a business, but lost interest in it. I'm thinking "What's the use to stay alive?".