Loss of an Adult Child

[Angel'sSon]

Susan, I am glad that being in chat helps you out, I know it is hard when nobody is there and you cannot sleep. Writing here though when that occurs is good, sometimes you will catch someone also not sleeping and have a conversation.

I think when parents lose a child to suicide, it poses a ball of so many loose ends that always end up with the end question of WHY? I am so sorry for this kind of turmoil. Is Dustin's wife any help in sorting through what was going on with Dustin?

My thoughts to you and I hope you can grab a nap,

Thanks Kate and Dee......Dustins wife was asleep when she heard the bang. She will never get over the thought of seeing him on the couch with a hole in his head. He gave nothing that anything was wrong!!! I just don't get it....I just want my son back

[Angel'sSon]

mscottfoster----So very sorry for your loss of your dear sweet

little baby girl. I hope that you can come back to BI and read/post.

This site is always here.....everyone understands. Peace to you.

Carol---Thanks for posting the memorial pics.

Becky---I admire your dedication in trying to get some laws changed

to make roads safer. Yes...I agree that police do need to have

some sort of specialized training to ascertain whether someone

caused an accident when using a cellphone to talk or text. There

was a fatal accident a couple years ago near here, where a young

girl went left of center hitting an oncoming car head-on, and killing

the elderly couple. In that case, she did admit to being on her cellphone.

They did cellphone records checks, and the calls made, were indicated

to be at the time of the crash. Drivers also should be checked for alcohol

and drug use in any fatal crash....and not after several hours. Then....in

the case of our son, Davey's, death.....the truck driver admitted that he

fell asleep. The Highway Patrol that talked to us said....."what else could

he do but admit it.....there were 50 witnesses.....why else could someone

crash into many cars in broad daylight....the truck was checked for any

problems, and none were found". Very hard for the police or other drivers

to pin down a drowsy driver, unless he/she is weaving all over the road.

You are honoring your dear JD's memory by all your efforts to change laws.

Kate----I think that the way you lie down and cover with Jeff's blanket, or

use his housecoat is such a very good thing to do, and to those who have

not suffered the horrific loss of a child.....it may sound odd. But....to all of

us here at BI, I think we all understand. I still have two prs. of David's jeans

that I don't wash. Seems like that would be just putting him more into the past.

No way do I think that these things are odd. They are our little ways of being

close to our dear children. After my little Lisa died, (a couple days after she

died), we were gone from home for what must have been all day, and when

we came home......everything of Lisa's was GONE......crib, clothing, toys,

playpen, bottles etc. My family came and cleaned it all out......thinking that the

sight of these items would upset us more. To this day, ( over 40 yrs. later), I

wish they had not done that. I didn't cry & fight with them for doing it, (not my way),

but wish they had left things alone. I still have a few of her clothes, & a few toys....

that's all. So nice that the weather was good and you were able to go to Jeff's

gravesite. Peace to you.

Dee-----I've been doing a lot of walking. Now that the soybean fields are all

harvested, there's a clear view, and easier to walk to the woods. 70 degrees

today, but rain tonight. Had lunch with my daughter, Becky, today. Such a nice

time we had......don't get together like that too often.....she's so busy with a

very heavy load for college....classes & student teaching.

Susan----Sending thoughts & prayers for strength and comfort in these very

sad and difficuld times. Wishing you peace.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Thanks Davey.. i feel like sill in a daze after 2 months...God knows i loved my son and he loved me too!!!! I just miss him and love him!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Here I am drinking and can't get my Dustin off my mine. God knows that I LOVED HIM SO much!!!! As each day goes by it keeps worse. How can God let this happen??? Today has really been hard and I keep thinking when am I going to get better!!! He was my friend and we talked about everything!! I just want my son back to have him to talk to and confide in. I've posted pictures of my son and when I look at them I cry!!!!! I love you son and missing you really bad!!! Love MOM

[Angel'sSon]

also,,,I hate my life

[Angel'sSon]

I want my son back with me!!!!!

[Alexander Risten]

Seeing this much pain in this thread I am saddened to know of people who are angry at their children for something petty. I am currently in the process of trying to help a father and son to reconcile. They refuse to contact each other or visit each other. The cause of the fight: a misunderstanding regarding a birthday party. If only I can get them to understand how precious our time together really is. I am thinking of all of you in pain.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

<3

[JD's Mom, Becky]

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[Jeff's Mom]

Lora...I agree completely in your advice to Susan. As hard as it is we have to get tough on ourselves and try very hard to keep going. Cara sounds as if she was a lovely young woman and much admired and loved. Jeff was in many ways very much like her. We truly were lucky to have them in our lives if even for such a short time. What a blessing.

Carol....I'm sure you had a very tough weekend. Another angelversary for Mike. Hope you are looking after yourself. So glad things worked out with the vehicles. What a stroke of luck!

Sherry, yes, I do find comfort in thinking about Jeff and particularly when I am very tired and lie down for a nap. Throwing his blanket over me and holding it close is comforting and helpful. I am so glad that your family did not throw all of Lisa's things out. A parent needs to hold close the memories of our child.

It was a lovely weekend. However today is gloomy and it is starting to drizzle. I'm hoping for some much needed rain for our trees. Just walked in from actually putting Xmas lights on a few things. Will not turn on until the proper time. It is just easier to do it when your hands don't freeze up with the cold. I've already started to shop for my grandies. I plan to get it over with early this year and hopefully sit back and take it easy.

Thinking of everyone and particularly all that are new to this journey. Stay strong. You will manage to cope in time. It truly does get a little easier with time even though you may not think so right now.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Becky-----I believe that the girl in the accident I told about

had admitted that she was on the cellphone, after the

police checked her records.....up until then, she was in

hospital and said she did not remember the crash. With

dangerous/careless speeders, drunken drivers, and those

who are sleeping at the wheel, .....by the time a policeman

is notified and can stop the driver, it is too late, and they

have already caused a crash/accident. Keep up your brave

and good work, friend.

Lora-----Your Cara must have been a very sweet & loving person...

kind and forgiving, and loved people and animals. My son, Davey,

also adored all kinds of pets...especially dogs. His only dog died

after only 1 wk. from when he adopted it from a shelter. He had

many tropical fish and aquatic-type pets....always changing the

aquarium fixtures and accessories, along with many fish, turtles,

lizards, etc. I still have some of his reference books on the hobby

he loved. My heart goes out to you at this early point on this lousy

road that no one ever wants to be on. Four months is such a very

agonizing place. Sending thoughts & prayers for comfort.

Susan-----As others here have said.....your pain and agony at the loss

of your son will soften and ease. I do so understand that you may not

think so at this point.....so very early on this journey. I hope that you

will continue to come to BI and post.....even if you think that it may

not be helping. Just being with others who know the pain and sorrow

of losing a dear child, can be of some benefit. We understand....perhaps

better than those who have not lost their child, and you may, in time,

gain some small comfort from this site. Please take care of yourself.

These early days/months are so rough and heartbreaking......I know.

Peace and comfort to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Angel'sSon]

Seeing this much pain in this thread I am saddened to know of people who are angry at their children for something petty. I am currently in the process of trying to help a father and son to reconcile. They refuse to contact each other or visit each other. The cause of the fight: a misunderstanding regarding a birthday party. If only I can get them to understand how precious our time together really is. I am thinking of all of you in pain.

I want my son back so bad and I'm at a loss on what to do...I went to my son's grave and i feel like I'm back to when my son took his own life...I feel like I'm dying inside.

[Angel'sSon]

All i can say right now is I want my son back and I'm lost in this world!!! I miss him so bad!!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

I'm so close to giving up. I want to be with my son. The thought of him being gone is getting to be unbearable. I've done it before and this time I will do it right!!!! Love you Dustin and miss you so much!!!!!! I have the scars where I wanted to be with Dustin!!! I probablly shouldn't even feel this way!!!!! But, omg....I don't know how to handle this!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Susan, I don’t think that there is one person on here that would not give anything to have their child back. If I was asked or had a choice, I would have taken my daughters place in a heartbeat. I will never understand why and will never know. Even though I only had her for 18 ½ years, I believe that I have been blessed to have her in my life. Cara loved unconditionally, with her whole heart, forgave always; even if you hurt her, put everyone else before herself. Adults, children, animals would just flock to her; they could feel her unconditional love that she radiated. Our one wild stray cat, when he showed up at our house, no one could pick him up without gloves, if you could catch him, but Cara just smiled and talked to him and he went right into her arms, he could feel the love that she always radiated, even at a young age. This is how she lived her whole life; I feel that I know a little of what heaven is going to be like because I was given an angel on earth. I know I will be with her again. Try to get out a little bit at a time, or find a craft or something to keep you busy. The good memories will come. I am only 4 months into my journey and I take it day by day. Take care.

Becky, hopefully they did listen to you, because we know that life can change in instant. They are lucky to have you in their life. I have admiration for you, that you continue to fight for what you believe in.

JDG and Mscottfoster, I am so sorry you have to be here and for your losses, but just know that this place has been a big help for me. Even if you just read and not post, you will get comfort. You are in my thoughts.

David and all Indigos, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lora

Lora, someday I hope to join my son in heaven!!! I just miss him as time goes by. I loved him so much. Never thought anything like this could happen to any of my children. I feel myself going downhill as each day goes by. I just miss my son!!!!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

Susan, I don’t think that there is one person on here that would not give anything to have their child back. If I was asked or had a choice, I would have taken my daughters place in a heartbeat. I will never understand why and will never know. Even though I only had her for 18 ½ years, I believe that I have been blessed to have her in my life. Cara loved unconditionally, with her whole heart, forgave always; even if you hurt her, put everyone else before herself. Adults, children, animals would just flock to her; they could feel her unconditional love that she radiated. Our one wild stray cat, when he showed up at our house, no one could pick him up without gloves, if you could catch him, but Cara just smiled and talked to him and he went right into her arms, he could feel the love that she always radiated, even at a young age. This is how she lived her whole life; I feel that I know a little of what heaven is going to be like because I was given an angel on earth. I know I will be with her again. Try to get out a little bit at a time, or find a craft or something to keep you busy. The good memories will come. I am only 4 months into my journey and I take it day by day. Take care.

Becky, hopefully they did listen to you, because we know that life can change in instant. They are lucky to have you in their life. I have admiration for you, that you continue to fight for what you believe in.

JDG and Mscottfoster, I am so sorry you have to be here and for your losses, but just know that this place has been a big help for me. Even if you just read and not post, you will get comfort. You are in my thoughts.

David and all Indigos, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lora

That is such a beautiful story aout Cara and the stray cat. I'm 2 months into losing my son!!! I'm trying my best to keep going instead of waking up and crying!!! it's still a nightmare and I want to wake up. But, I know it happened!!! I long to think about the good memories of my son instead of the picture of seeing him in that casket and begging him to open his eyes. I'm waiting for the good times with my son to hit me instead of thinking about the bad, the funeral!!! Thanks, Lora!!!!!!

[Angel'sSon]

I don't know what to do or how to do it. All i know is I want to be with my son. God, i love him and miss him soooo much!!!! This is my only way out!!!!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Susan, You need to get a grip right now. I am saying this because we all have been there in the pits of despair you describe. Not one parent here that at some point in their grieving journey hasn't wished to be reunited with their child, and hasn't felt that this world has nothing to offer us without our child. All we can tell you is there will come a time when you are able to think of something other than that God-awful moment when you knew your child was gone from this earth.

I had been "stuck" with the thoughts of how my son died for nearly a year, and I still think about it at times, but not everyday, not every moment. I think of HIM everyday and every moment, but not the ugliness that was his death. The facts haven't changed, but I had to realize they never will. No matter what I do, or say, nothing will change what happened. So there I was, at a crossroads, and a decision of what to do about it, do I keep on tormenting myself daily with these unchangeable facts, or can I manage to pick myself up and move into "his light", as Dee put it.

Even though, as I have described, we all share the fact that we have lost a child, the path we walk is our own, unique to our own set of circumstances. We vary in faith, beliefs, other personal issues, etc., trying to find our way in this life that has forever been altered.

Even those that have been on this journey for years, I am sure have moments when they reflect on THAT moment when they lost their child. There are triggers that sometimes we can avoid, but often times come out of the blue, and we are knocked down by it, but I think the longer we are able to put one foot in front of the other, the stronger we become, and the pain becomes softer.

Lean on us, we will try to hold you up through this darkness, and help you emerge to the point where you can remember the time you had with him and count it as joy.

(((HUGS)))

Becky

Susan said:

That is such a beautiful story aout Cara and the stray cat. I'm 2 months into losing my son!!! I'm trying my best to keep going instead of waking up and crying!!! it's still a nightmare and I want to wake up. But, I know it happened!!! I long to think about the good memories of my son instead of the picture of seeing him in that casket and begging him to open his eyes. I'm waiting for the good times with my son to hit me instead of thinking about the bad, the funeral!!! Thanks, Lora!!!!!!

ipb.global.registerReputation( 'rep_post_92469', { domLikeStripId: 'like_post_92469', app: 'forums', type: 'pid', typeid: '92469' }, parseInt('') );I don't know what to do or how to do it. All i know is I want to be with my son. God, i love him and miss him soooo much!!!! This is my only way out!!!!Lost without my son...WHY and HOW!!!!!

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[Angel'sSon]

To all who responded to my post. I do want to live to tell Dustins baby girl all about him. I will know today if my family is going to get a court order to put me in the hospital over all of this. hopefully i will be on here later, unless the court order goes through. I am so glad for all of you that have responded to my post here and on chat!!!! I feel lost and so confused!!! Thanks to you all!!!!!

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[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Lora, he was a great young guy!

[mikesmomrs]

SHAWN....SHAWN...SHAWN...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHAWN... celebrate with all of our angels...

please surround your sweet mom with your spirit, brush her cheek, let her know that you are near. Karen, holding you close and sending you love and strength.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, SHAWN, SHAWN, SHAWN!!

Carol, thank you for the beautiful thought of all our angels celebrating together! I needed that today!!

[ericasmom]

Shawn, surround your Mom and Family today and fill their spirits with your peace, let them feel your Peace.

[ericasmom]

Susan, please let us know about how your family is dealing with your sense of wanting out of this world. We do all get that, just as Lora has stated and Becky and the many of us who have responded to the precarious place we saw you. I hope that someone has intervened, not because I think that you are not able to tustle your way through this piece of grief, but because I think that you need the support of others to help you get through this piece without harming yourself. When you tell us that you have scars to prove your intent, it is hard for anyone to feel anything but a high level of worry for you. And so I am sure that your family must be feeling that and more. I think the hardest thing to reconcile once we reconcile our Child is not here anymore, is that we never had control of the lives of our Children in the first place. That the only thing we truly have control on is ourselves at this very moment. We are rooting for you Susan, to find your way in this very dark time in your life. To find your way to live in the light of your Boy and watch your Grandgirl grow and be present for your Daughter and somehow know that you will see Dustin when it is time for that to happen.

Becky, love the graphic you posted, so cool, it hits home quite deeply. You are helping change the laws and awareness levels of many through the pain of your loss. Blessings.

[Sholl1955]

It has been a very challenging day. Dealing with the changes that I am having to make to care for my family since Sarah died. I wouldn't suggest making alot of changes if you can avoid it but it is necessary so will take it one day at a time. I miss Sarah terribly and would love to be able to just sit down and talk to her about all of this. I have been in tears off and on all day. And now I am watching the debates on tv and that brings me to tears!! (Not really,exaggerating here) I am thinking of everyone on this site and hope you have a quiet, peaceful evening.

Sandy

[Sholl1955]

It has been a very challenging day. Dealing with the changes that I am having to make to care for my family since Sarah died. I wouldn't suggest making alot of changes if you can avoid it but it is necessary so will take it one day at a time. I miss Sarah terribly and would love to be able to just sit down and talk to her about all of this. I have been in tears off and on all day. And now I am watching the debates on tv and that brings me to tears!! (Not really,exaggerating here) I am thinking of everyone on this site and hope you have a quiet, peaceful evening.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I am praying for you as you make changes that will accommodate your family now. You have been through a great many changes in a short amount of time. I wish there were easier ways to make everyone cared for in this hard time. It seems to be on your shoulders. We never really wanted to know how broad our shoulders were did we? Prayers are being sent.

I too was watching the debates, but they rile me and make me nervous so I am going to bed.

[tantraman8]

HELLO ALL!! OOOH, I LIKE THIS FONT. SUSAN, I AM ENTERING MY SECOND WEEK OF BEING ON ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. WHAT PRECIPITATED THE MOVE TO GO TO MY DOC AND GET ON THEM, WAS THREE DAYS, WITH JOSH BEING GONE FOR OVER FIVE MONTH, THREE DAYS OF SUICIDAL IDEATION.

SUSAN, I MISS MY SON TERRIBLY, BUT I AM SOOOOOO CLEAR THAT HE WANTS ME TO HAVE A LIFE THAT IS EVEN HAPPIER, MORE PEACEFUL, AND MORE CONNECTED WITH PEOPLE THAN I HAD WHEN HE WAS ON THIS PLANE.

YOU SEE, BEFORE JOSH DIED, I STRUGGLED WITH FEAR, AND DEPRESSION, AND LONELINESS. AS A CHILD, I EXPERIENCED A LOT OF PHYSICAL ABUSE AND BEING RAGED AT. I HAD DONE A LOT OF THERAPY TO HEAL IT, BUT THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A LAYER OF FEAR, HEAVINESS, AND ISOLATION THAT HAS COLORED MY LIFE. SINCE JOSH DIED, IT IS NO LONGER TOLERABLE FOR ME TO CREATE THAT KIND OF LIFE. SO, I'M WORKING VERY HARD AT TRANSFORMING MYSELF, WITH HUGE SUPPORT.

IN MY CASE, EVEN THOUGH I LIVE IN ARIZONA, I HAVE THREE SURVIVING KIDS IN OHIO, AND I AM CLEAR THAT IT WOULD NOT BE OK FOR ME TO SEND THEM THE MESSAGE THAT SUICIDE AFTER LOSS IS A VIABLE OPTION. BUT, SUSAN, I GET IT! WHEN JOSH FIRST PASSED, IT FELT LIKE MY CHEST HAD BEEN BLOWN APART.

ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO, I STARTED WALKING EVERY DAY. I GO TO MY ACUPUNCTURIST EVERY WEEK, TALK TO FRIENDS EVERY DAY, HAVE STARTED TO GO LISTEN TO LIVE MUSIC, READ A MEDITATION BOOK ON HEALING AFTER LOSS, POST MY TOUGH DAYS ON FACEBOOK AND ASK FOR PEOPLE TO INSPIRE ME OR ENCOURAGE ME.

OUR LOSS IS TERRIBLE. AND..... I BELIEVE YOUR SON WOULD WANT YOU TO HEAL AND TO LIVE FULLY.

DEE, KATE, BECKY, CAROL, SHERRY, LORA AND ANYONE I'M FORGETTING, THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi David, sooo glad to hear your doing better and taking so many positive steps to heal, today is my 7 month mark losing Brian, I too think I am going to go on meds to get through the holidays . I have to tell you I have been asking Brian for signs that he hears me that he is with me and he has not let me down , yesterday was a hard day I decided to bird watch and get some pictures and I just ask Brian to send me a different bird ,something awesome because I needed a lift.. well I happen to be sitting on my bed with my window open and had even pushed up my screen turned off my tv and sat ... I have my bird feeder right outside my window ..all the sudden a cooper Hawk landed in the tree that is about 8 to 10 feet from my window and looked right at me I got so excited I just took the picture and was disappointed I had not focused the picture but I got one !the bird continued to look at me jumped to the ground and then took off.. some may call it a coincidence , but not me what are the chances I would be sitting with my window open screen up at the moment a hawk lands there? I like to think my son is hearing me . while I know feeding birds brings birds like a Hawk it didn't seem to be going after a bird it just landed in the tree jumped to the ground and then flew off, it was awesome. well I hope you have a good day

Brenda

posting my pic of him

[tantraman8]

Hey Brenda,

The hawk is SOOOOOOO cool!! AND, your son and mine must be on the same wavelength! A friend of mine lost her son to suicide one year ago. Since he passed, he has been sending her "grasshoppers and butterflies."

Well the other day, on my walk, I too saw a hawk. And, it just felt like it was from Josh. Josh was a "heavy metal loving "hard-ass" guy with a heart of gold and deep spirituality. If he were sending me nature signs, it would be birds of prey and other predators like bobcats and mountain lions.

So, I laughed when I saw the hawk and asked him to keep sending me "his nature signs!"

I find it paradoxical and interesting, that I seem to be "called" to both grieve AND TRANSFORM my life into peaceful, joyful, and more connected to fellow humans. BTW, the anti-depressant doesn't feel like a panacea, but it does seem to have alleviated the crushing heaviness.

Blessings,

D

[shorty16]

Our kids will send us signs and all we have to do is look.

My Brian was a jokster - I "hear" short statements in my head sometimes that I know is Brian.

For example: Shortly after Brian was killed, Aaron brought home a wonderfully, nice g/f. I walked outside and talked to Brian about how proud of Aaron he would be. What I "heard was" "How do you know Aaron's g/f isn't really a guy?"

I laughed - That is exactly what Brian would have said.

That is how my interactions are with Brian - I hear things, but not with my ears, actually in my head!

I know I am crazy!!! But, my boy talks to me, but not with his mouth - in my head.

We each hear, see, feel our kids in a different way. Each unique - each special.

I hope each of you find one thing to smile about today.

Brian's Mother 4ever

[shorty16]

David

Your insight in realizing that we have changed, because of our child's death, but that we do have some control in who we change into - - Is truly remarkable.

We can be angry and bitter and use our energy in that way or we can become part of life again and be kind to our fellow human being.

What I realized is, I have become a more compassionate person. I can no longer say "This would never happen to me."

Another thing I realized is grief has to become my friend - Grief will not be denied. It is a part of my everyday life. But it does not control me, we work together.

Thanks for sharing your insight with us. There is life after the death of part of us.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[BrendaDup59]

Our kids will send us signs and all we have to do is look.

My Brian was a jokster - I "hear" short statements in my head sometimes that I know is Brian.

For example: Shortly after Brian was killed, Aaron brought home a wonderfully, nice g/f. I walked outside and talked to Brian about how proud of Aaron he would be. What I "heard was" "How do you know Aaron's g/f isn't really a guy?"

I laughed - That is exactly what Brian would have said.

That is how my interactions are with Brian - I hear things, but not with my ears, actually in my head!

I know I am crazy!!! But, my boy talks to me, but not with his mouth - in my head.

We each hear, see, feel our kids in a different way. Each unique - each special.

I hope each of you find one thing to smile about today.

Brian's Mother 4ever

Colleen, I too hear my Brian's voice in my head.. the day before his funereal I was having a melt down and I just kept thinking I cant do this and all of a sudden I heard Brian say Mom I need you to be there for Traci and my babies! I sat up it was so clear and I had a calm come over me, I will sometimes get after Kaleb and I can hear Brian say Mom he is just a kid ! No I don't think we are crazy I just feel like we are in tune with our children's spirits and with the signs I am getting is helping my heart a bit I still miss him more every day,I feel my relationship with Brett is slowly healing and that helps so much . I hope you have a good day . Brenda

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[Jeff's Mom]

Brenda....love your photo of the hawk. He's amazing!

Susan...thinking of you today and hoping that yesterday brought you the peace and help that you are seeking. Good luck!

David...it sounds as if you are starting to see a softer side to things. You are working hard at it and I admire you very much. Josh sounds like he was a great guy!

Thinking of everyone on this journey both new and old. Have a good day.

Kate

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[BrendaDup59]

Hi everyone, well not getting much done today , just taking pictures and relaxing.. 7 months ago today I lost my Brian , yet seems like yesterday . Thanks Kate for your sweet compliment on the Hawk picture I thought I would post a few I took today and yesterday , I have not been able to do any drawing lately as I have hurt my neck and shoulder painting my kitchen and I find trying to sit and draw seems to aggravate it but I am wanting to get back in to it so right now I am just enjoying my other passion birdwatching /photography . it helps to take my mind off of my heartache . Hope you all have as good a day as you can Love Brenda

[cas1984]

Susan you have me so worried tho Ii share ur feelings emotions and thought i was so worried when u fb messaged me sayn ur drinkn and thinkn. i was in a bad stste over cassidy. we need our boyz i asked u if the alcohol made it better oh God what xi shud of said tell ur bf pls no trips to the store. i was sooo curious what type u were drinkn and if it helped for my selfish reasons but cried when u repeated my emotions and dark thoughts. I told u i need u thru this ur post mean so much. I cried scared to death of losing you bcus i know how badly we wsnt to be w our boyz. I askd u to call me now im begging pls call u said when u get minutes. Hugz to u Duustin& Cassidy Alwayz Susan... Hugz <3

[cas1984]

Susan you have me so worried tho Ii share ur feelings emotions and thought i was so worried when u fb messaged me sayn ur drinkn and thinkn. i was in a bad stste over cassidy. we need our boyz i asked u if the alcohol made it better oh God what xi shud of said tell ur bf pls no trips to the store. i was sooo curious what type u were drinkn and if it helped for my selfish reasons but cried when u repeated my emotions and dark thoughts. I told u i need u thru this ur post mean so much. I cried scared to death of losing you bcus i know how badly we want to be w our boyz. I askd u to call me now im begging pls call u said when u get minutes. Hugz to u Dustin& Cassidy Alwayz Susan... Hugz <3

[cas1984]

Susan, I hope you have received the help that you needed. You are in my thoughts.

Lora Cassidys Mama Susan pls get ahold of me yesterday I didnt get ur message till 4 u sent it at two pls reply to my fb or cell Im worried I got all ur fb messages in my mail but ny last 3 you didnt reply God I hope you got what you needed not what u wanted.. Thx for working w me thru this but dont leave me. Im so happy to get ur support and give mine and our signs of our boyz gettn us together. My strength is too weak without you visa versa our boyz know that. Our reading? pls let me know whats going on..

[Jeff's Mom]

I was hesitant about sharing something that happened to me this afternoon. I am however determined to tell this in an attempt to hopefully give you all hope.

Today is a very gloomy fall day. The rain has been coming down for hours in a dismal fashion. I had called a friend of mine and asked her if she would like to go out for lunch to a place where we could just sit and relax and talk. We decided to drive to a small town about forty minutes from here that has a lovely Tea House. We ordered our meal and sat for ages enjoying the warmth of a cosy room and a comforting tea. There was a table of two ladies and a young boy seated across from us. The place was packed. After the majority of the room had cleared a woman from the table with the little boy walked over to me. Her friend had taken the boy out of the room to leave the woman alone to talk to me. I had never set eyes on her before. I had noticed earlier on during their luncheon she was starting to rub her nose and feel the back of her head. I just ignored it. She told me that she was not in the habit of doing this, but the person was so insistent that she felt compelled to do so. She asked me if I had lost a young man recently...as in died! She then told me that he was standing beside me and wanted her to tell me that he was happy and doing really well. She said his aura was intense and very bright. That he would not leave her alone as he kept touching her nose and the back of her head. My friend and I froze when she said this. I was so happy and yet very shaken. I still am....but in the most wonderful way. I asked her if she did this for a living. She told me that she has had this gift since she was a child and rarely if ever follows through. Jeff came through in a way to make her leave her comfort level and offer me comfort. So , he did it! He kept his promise. To contact me if he was able. I am just so grateful for this gift from God today. I already knew he was fine but now I know for certainity. Thinking of all of you and sending loving thoughts.

Love, Kate

[BrendaDup59]

I was hesitant about sharing something that happened to me this afternoon. I am however determeined to tell this in an attempt to hopefully give you all hope.

Today is a very gloomy fall day. The rain has been coming down for hours in a dismal fashion. I had called a friend of mine and asked her if she would like to go out for lunch to a place where we could just sit and relax and talk. We decided to drive to a small town about forty minutes from here that has a lovely Tea House. We ordered our meal and sat for ages enjoying the warmth of a cosy room and a comforting tea. There was a table of two ladies and a young boy seated across from us. The place was packed. After the majority of the room had cleared a woman from the table with the little boy walked over to me. Her friend had taken the boy out of the room to leave the woman alone to talk to me. I had never set eyes on her before. I had noticed earlier on during their luncheon she was starting to rub her nose and feel the back of her head. I just ignored it. She told me that she was not in the habit of doing this, but the person was so insistent that she felt copelled to do so. She asked me if I had lost a young man recently...as in died! She then told me that he was standing beside me and wanted her to tell me that he was happy and doing really well. She said his aura was intense and very bright. That he would not leave her alone as he kept touching her nose and the back of her head. My friend and I froze when she said this. I was so happy and yet very shaken. I still am....but in the most wonderful way. I asked her if she did this for a living. She told me that she has had this gift since she was a child and rarely if ever follows through. Jeff came through in a way to make her leave her comfort level and offer me comfort. So , he did it! He kept his promise. To contact me if he was able. I am just so grateful for this gift from God today. I already knew he was fine but now I know for certainity. Thinking of all of you and sending loving thoughts.

Love, Kate

Awe Kate, that just made my day!!!! I do believe that they are around us and hear us I have had so many signs, but I would love to have that happen... and I am so glad you shared this with us. Hugs Brenda

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Brenda...I am so excited tonight! We talked many times about how we would try to contact the other person if we died...had God allowed. I have had many signs and frequently. This past weekend I felt pulled down and very sad after visiting his memorial site. Why? Because as certain as I am of his being in a wonderful place...well, I miss him so much and just want him back. Simple truth. Today was incredible and I am on a high of feeling so grateful for this blessing. So, as far as all the crap about suicides not going to heaven? Well, not so!!!!! Proof positive. He was a amazing young man that cared for everyone. A loving God would not send him to a bad place. So, now I am certain that I can rest peacefully. I had said earlier in a post that we could not save him that night. Well, that night he was. By his Creator. I am just so grateful.

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks Brenda...I am so excited tonight! We talked many times about how we would try to contact the other person if we died...had God allowed. I have had many signs and frequently. This past weekend I felt pulled down and very sad after visiting his memorial site. Why? Because as certain as I am of his being in a wonderful place...well, I miss him so much and just want him back. Simple truth. Today was incredible and I am on a high of feeling so grateful for this blessing. So, as far as all the crap about suicides not going to heaven? Well, not so!!!!! Proof positive. He was a amazing young man that cared for everyone. A loving God would not send him to a bad place. So, now I am certain that I can rest peacefully. I had said earlier in a post that we could not save him that night. Well, that night he was. By his Creator. I am just so grateful.

Kate

wonderfully said! I am so happy for you ..

[daveydow1]

David------I hope that I can get this posted.....( My computer has

been having fits again). It sounds like you are doing a lot of good

and constructive things to work your way out of the crushing grief

that is part of this lousy journey. As you said......your dear son would

want you to go on and by doing so, you honor his memory. The

love you have for him will always be with you.

Peace & prayers, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

Peace to all indigos. (Computer acting up again......Bye.)

[Sholl1955]

Kate, reading your post took my breath away. I, like probably everyone here, would like that kind of experience. I am really happy for you and know this has brought you peace that will stay with you forever. I have been longing for a sign from Sarah the past week, so will keep watching. I haven't had too many in the 7 months since she died, but think I have to learn what to look for.

Dee and Lora, thank you for your prayers and for the encouraging words. I know that I found this site to be able to share with people who truly understand and know the pain. Today was a beautiful day here in Indiana. Sunny and warm. The rain did not start until about 5:00pm. I was in the midst of feeling sorry for myself this morning and a friend called and invited me to lunch so I went, and between the beautiful weather and sharing my heart with my friend, I came home feeling lighter and able to focus in a more productive way. My friend does not fully understand my pain, as she has not lost a child, but she is the kind of friend who doesn't have to understand, she just wants to be there for me. I am thankful for her. We could all use more friends like that.

Thanks to all for being here.

Sandy