I Miss Him So...

[loosingeddie]

FOXFIRE, SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS.........THIS IS NOT A GREAT CLUB TO HAVE TO JOIN BUT IT IS A HELPFUL ONE, WE ARE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER....YES LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.....THERE IS NO MAGICAL MOMENT WHEN IT WILL BE EASIER..... BUT WITH TIME WE CAN ALL HOPE....I LOST MY HUSBAND A YEAR AGO SEPTEMBER 1ST.....2005.....I HAVE SOME GOOD DAYS, SOME BAD STILL....I JUST GOT HOME FROM THE CEMETERY WHEN I READ YOUR POST... HANG IN THERE... WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.... MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS WILL BE WITH YOU....

[nancy55]

Hello everyone, I am sad to see so many of suffering. I have been without a computer for 3 weeks and have missed reading everyone's post. This message board is a piece of heaven for me. There are many days I am so down, and coming here reading the post, I realize i am not the only going thru this hell. I wish and pray for all of us to someday find peace and comfort.

Take care

Nancy55

[manda14]

Hi everyone,

I was reading about all the grave sites and ashes, unfortunatly I don't have either. His ashes are at the apartment that he and I shared but I can't bring myself to stay there anymore. His family is planning on selling the apartment and I'm sure they will take the urn to his parents home where he grew up. Not being legally married to him( Common-Law only) I don't have much say...and frankly, I think having them would make things worse. Anyway a few of his friends and I are having a bench put up at a park close by where they used to play basket ball. We are having a plaque put on with his name, dates and a few loving, misssing words. I wish that I had a place to go that reminded me of him and I hope this bench will be just that....Although I hardly need help remembering him, I seem to feel him when I'm driving, getting into bed...everywhere..... Hope all the sickness is easing off for all of you...I'm just starting to feel it coming on.

I just got this overwhelming feeling that I can do what ever I want...whether it's travel, take classes, or just do something you have always wanted to do. I know most of you have kids, but I'm starting to realize that now is the time to do something for yourself. As hard as it may be to think of having fun, it's all about you now and fun might actually help us feel better....anf of course all our men would want us to be happy and having fun right?

I don't know if it will just be a distraction or if it will really help with grieving...but I'm going to do what ever I can to stay busy and try new things...I'll let you know how it goes.

[justamom]

Hi Girls, Sorry I have been out of the loop for a few days. I took my boys to Albuqurque to see their grandpa. It was good for all of us to do something different for a little while. I did go and see my regular doctor last thur. and she said "yep that's a lump" so now I go to get a mammogram and an ultrasound this Wednesday. Sounds like fun huh? My sister in law (who I have no connection with or use for) comes into town on Friday and we will be taking her out for a big fun night on the town and then throwing her a birthday party on Sat. She has no friends so it is my friends and family who have been talked into attending. Quite frankly, I would rather poke needles in my eyeballs than do anything that I have planned for next weekend. So I am dreading the next several days in my life.

I too had my hubby cremated, I keep his ashes in his humidor that sits on my desk at home. It has a drawer on the bottem so my boys leave him notes and pictures in there. So far it is a comforting thing for all of us. However, I don't think he would want his ashes here forever. (His mother has his grandmothers ashes in her linen closet and that used to make my husband crazy) I do like the idea of taking him with us places and leaving pieces of him here and there. I think my boys would like the thought of him going places with us too. THere are alot of places that we talked about going to and we never got there, so I think that I will still try to get some of them done.

I am glad that Manda, Nacy and Foxfire are posting here. It is a terrible "club" to belong to but it really does help to have other people who are dealing with the same feelings that you are. I am very sorry for all of your losses and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Take care all. Lisa

[darleneandhunter]

Hi everyone!

Sorry I have been MIA for a bit, but things have been insane in my house. I had been planning my son's birthday party, and all the arrangements were making me crazy. It turned out to be one gorgeous day for a party, in between two rainy ones. Funny, huh?

We had a really good time! my son LOVED his gifts, and is STILL talking about the party two days later. He couldn't WAIT to get to school to tell his teacher about it! My long time friend (the one who couldn't sh*t or get off the pot, lol) came over with his son and took video and pics for me, as well as me taking my own. I am in the process of sifting through all of it. I am uploading them to my fotki account (which I bought a year's subscription to), but it isn't public yet. I have lots more pics to add, and lots of comments to add to the pics.

I did get a little teary a few times, but I sucked it up and managed not to bawl my eyes out for the whole day. It was after midnight when I broke down, but for the first time since Mark died, I went a whole 24 hours without full out crying. I brought a framed photo of Mark and Hunter together and placed it on the table. I thought he should be there as well, even if it is only in spirit.

The rest of my time is now devoted to getting ready for a huge three day show in the next state over from me. This is our 4th year doing this show, and we need to have everything we can muster together for it. This is a 10,000 visitor a DAY thing! The first year we did this show, we were struggling to keep stock on the table. As fast as I could make and everyone else could string pendants, they were flying off the rack, and it was a six foot rack that held 2000+ pieces! This year, I added a three foot rack on each side table, giving us another six feet worth of pendant rack, and we have 18 feet of table space to fill. We are stringing bracelets and necklaces like MAD!

Keeping busy is the key I tell ya!

Burial vs Cremation -

I don't think there's any right or wrong way to do things. I respected Mark's wishes to be cremated, against his entire family. I also have his ashes sitting here in my house. I gave 1/2 to his mother, knowing she would look at his ashes every single day and feel nothing but pain and guilt. I came out on top, but these people put me through absolute hell, and they deserve everything they get. Mean, I know, but I can't help it.

I also took some of his ashes on a road trip. I know Mark would have loved to see the places we went. I kept a small amount in a keepsake urn for myself, and will be doing the same for Hunter. The rest will be taken care of after Hunter is old enough to decide what to do with them. I think that he is too young to make that decision right now, and it's only fair that we wait. We did have a good time sneaking around, distributing tiny tins of Mark's ashes. Completely by accident, there is an entire one ounce tin floating around in the Ohio River...lol.

I agree that while I really have no place to "go", I am still very comfortable with my decision to keep the remaining ashes and wait for Hunter. I might take a small tin of his ashes to a cemetary near my house that has most of my father's family buried in it. Although Mark was adamant about not being buried, it was more for financial reasons, and I think he would understand if I shared a part of him with my father's family.

[loosingeddie]

HI EVERYONE.....WELL ANOTHER DAY.........HAVING KINDA A HARD WEEK....JUST MISSING HIM HORRIBLY.....ITS HARD TO BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN 13 MONTHS...THAT NIGHT IS STILL SO FRESH IN MY MIND.... WELL LOST FOR WORDS I GUESS... JUST LONESOME THIS WEEK....AND HAVE THE BLUES.......GUESS I WILL TRY TO GO WORK IN THE YARD AND SEE IF THAT HELPS.....

[aprilmoonflower]

loosingeddie- it's been 13 months for me as well..I really don't know how to feel anymore,yk? I am relly stressing about the 17month mark though as that is how old our DS was when DH died. for some reason I have been dreading it since he died. like DS will be living each monent farther away from his dad after that point. it crushes me. anyway at least I have a few more months to prepare myself. hopefully by then it won't be such a big deal as it has been. DS really doesn't remember him anyway (which crushes me in so many ways as well) so it's all my issues!!!!!!!!!

otherwise I found out my FIL is telling people I am crazy. I guess that is the only thing he can say as he's not allowed to have contact with me or my kids due to his own hurtful & manipulative behavior..not to mention how judgemental and racist and downright RUDE he is..why would I want my kids around someone like that? he would never admit to doing a thing wrong but it is still so hurtful.. I would love to respond but I don't plan on ever talking to them again (this include DH sister who told me I am the reason DH is dead) so I think it's best if I leave it alone. I feel like he is baiting me though..which makes me even more annoyed. I am thinking of getting a cease and desist order filed in court if they do contact me directly. I have already told SIL if she contacts me again I will file harrasment charges. I hate to be such a jerk but they really have hurt my family in so many ways. (And continue to do so by running a corporation under my DH name!) it's a big mess that I want to be done with. I am afraid it will haunt me for years if not the rest of my life..

[loosingeddie]

I KNEW EDDIE AND DH DIED RIGHT CLOSE TOGETHER... I AM SO SORRY YOUR ARE HAVING THE TERRIBLE FAMILY ISSUES......EVERYONE JUST FORGOT ABOUT ME AND THE KIDS AFTER EDDIE PASSED....MAYBE I AM GLAD!!!!! LOL I KNOW ITS NOT FUNNY... THAT WOULD DRIVE ME CRAZY IT IS SO HARD TO GET THROUGH WITHOUT ALL THAT!!!!!!!! PEOPLE CAN BE SO FEELINGLESS!!!!I WAS STARTING TO WORRY SINCE IT HAD BEEN AWHILE SINCE YOU POSTED WAS GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!HANG IN THERE.... IT HAS BEEN SO HARD... TIME HAS NOT HELPED MUCH YET....WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS I ENJOY HEARING FROM YOU KEEP POSTING

[loosingeddie]

WOW WHERE IS EVERYONE?.... KEEP CHECKING BACK MUST ALL BE KEEPING BUSY? WELL HOPE YOUR ALL HAVING A NICE DAY AND HANGING IN THERE.....IT IS A NICE FALL DAY HERE AND IS GETTING SO PRETTY AS THE LEAVES ARE FALLING.......

[aprilmoonflower]

I know it is so sloooow around here latley. maybe that is a good sign though?

Nothing much going on here. I am a stay-at-home mom so my days are pretty much routine these days. still working on cleaning out my house and getting rid of things we don't use. what a job as DH & I were both packrats! I don't think we had gotten rid of anything in the 5 years we lived here!

Otherwise I am looking forward to Halloween for the kiddos. THe holidays are good for us. DH and I never were too much into it so it's kind of "our" thing (me and the kids)

we are getting our yard fenced in so that will be great for the kids! (I live on top of a hill and there are cliffs) I can't wait!

I hope everyone is well out there! and I am especially thinking of you Lisa, I hope everything is going as well as it can be. well that goes for all of you here too! but thought Lisa could use some good vibes/thoughts right now!

[loosingeddie]

HELLO APRILMOONFLOWER WAS GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU... YES I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM TOO RIGHT NOW....JUST CHECKED BACK WHILE COOKING DINNER.... WOW YOU LIVE ON A CLIFF... I BET IT WILL FEEL GOOD TO GET A FENCE!!!! I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO HALLOWEEN WITH THE KIDS TOO.... AND TAKING A HORSE AND BUGGY RIDE TO THE PUMKIN PATCH LOL AND GOING THROUGHT THE BIG CORN MAZE.... IT IS A FUN TIME OF YEAR... WELL JUST THOUGHT I WOULD SAY HELLO!!! TAKE CARE

[loosingeddie]

I NEED TO PROOF READ LOL LOL HAVE A NICE EVENING EVERYONE....

[missingcurtis]

Hello, I have been having a few hard days. I finally decided to go ahead and move my husband to the town where I am living now.

This was not an easy decision. I finally called the cemetery where he is buried to see about buying the space next to him and said I had requested a single lot. But I was just up there on Sunday and there is no one buried close on each side. I don't know why they couldn't have made an exception for me!

They said they could sell me two more lots and move here at a discounted price. But I am just going to move him here if I move him anyway. Then I can take flowers and things out there whenever I feel like it and I can go ahead and prepay for my funeral since we don't have any kids. And I will sleep better knowing that is all taken care of and we will be together again.

Debbie...................Missing Curtis

[aprilmoonflower]

Debbie- what a hard decision you have had to make! I think you are definitly doing the right thing if it will bring you some peace. ((hugs))

loosingeddie- well since my kiddos are so young and get overwhelmed easily, we don't get to do all of that fun stuff yet! at least it gives me something to look forward to I guess.. we will go to the pumpkin patch and decorate our pumpkins and house and I am dressing up the kiddos.

[missinmyhubby]

Been a few days since I have written anything, been busy at work, home, sports with the kids, etc...I keep reading though! There is so much to say from the experiences of the past three years. Some days I read the posts and it brings back the emotions (nobody be sorry, as it's not the only thing that does that), other days I read them and wish I had the time to just start spilling the beans. I have felt all the pain everyone of us share, but have found joys again too.

I have some questions...what do all the abbreviations mean? I have figured out some of them obviously, but others are just not popping out and saying "hey, dork, I mean this!"

Let's see, some of you know by now that my late hubby's name was Mark. He passed away three years ago this past August (24th to be exact). I must say, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to experience. I lost my dad years ago, and it did not devastate me like it did when Mark passed away. I guess some would call that a bad thing, but I shared so much more with the hubby then one does with a parent. Not that loosing my dad wasn't painful, just different and not such a deep feeling of loss. It's hard to explain, but I am sure some of you get what I am saying.

Anyway, Mark passed away of a heart attack in his sleep while staying at his brothers house for a visit. I felt ,and still do, feel guilty that I was not with him. Some have said that it was for a reason. As I am a pilot, I was gone on the road, and the kids were out in Nevada with my sister visiting. My brother-in-law had mentioned that “maybe that was the plan…what if I had been on the road and my husband had been home with the kids?” He had a valid point…my baby was three and a half when her father passed. He was a stay home dad and was with her 24/7. My brother-in-law went on to say “what if he was at home alone with Ms. Mattie when it happened? Or the other two kids found him like that, or you were asleep next to him when it happened and awoke to that? How would you have dealt with it then if you were on the road with all that drama unfolding?” Of course it makes perfect sense, but it doesn’t stop the guilt I felt for not being there for him, or seeing him. He was three days from having the other side of his heart stinted. Just three days…could have bought us some more time…or not. He was so afraid to go through it, to be under the knife again. He kept asking me “what if I don’t come out of it?” I guess it didn’t matter one way or the other, eh? The nice thing…I spoke with him on the phone the night before and his last words to me were “I love you” before we hung up. So, I have a good memory from that. I guess that’s what we have to do, find the good through all the pain, and learn to smile from the memories we shared. Anyway, enough for tonight…I will go on with more later. May we all be blessed with happiness through the misfortune that befell us.

[mishknit]

Hey all...

i've been quiet too....just too much real life stuff going on. I'll write more later, when i have more time (maybe later tonite if i can't sleep!)..but...just adding to the good vibes for Lisa..i've been thinking about you, and just wish you well.

Michele

[sadinok]

Hi Everyone, haven't posted in a long time but I have been reading the post from time to time. Reading this morning I have to reply to Missinmyhubby. Our stories have so many similarities. My husband was Mark also. He died 11 months ago from a massive heart attack in the early morning hours in his sleep. He did yell out to me just as it happened so I was aware of what was happening and was able to at least try CPR to no avail. He too was scheduled for a heart catherization on Nov 12th and he died Nov 4th. He too dreaded the procedure as he's had it done several times and already had 2 stints from a mild attack in 2002. He was only 44. It's sad that there are so many of us with the same stories and heart ache. I miss him so much I literally ache for him and I have pictures of him everywhere so I can see his face every where I turn. This site has certainly brought me some comfort as I hope it does you, just hearing how everybody copes. Well hope everyone is having a good day. Thanks for listening again.

Sad in Ok

Beverly

[melissa1026]

Hello all

It's been a really long time since being here... I've been reading post and remember some of you.. i am still hanging in there. my sweet husband is still with me for that i am thankful. it sure has been a roller coaster these past months..working 3 jobs and taking care of my husband. i finally had to quit one job as just not enough time with husband.. he is doing so much better than anyone expected.. new meds seem to be working.. the dr say for how long they don't know... taking 1 day at a time. My heart goes out to all of you and your posts give me strength to face what will happen . i know from all of you that i can go on, although i am still so scared of what lies ahead... i still go in and make sure he's breathing before leaving for work and i stay on needles and pins but adjusting some how.. i guess we learn to do what it takes to go on.. it's coming up on almost a year since my brother committed suicide and that seems be on my mind alot . just can't seem to shake the sadness.. i try so hard to stay upbeat for my husband but sometimes i just want to stop for a while and have a really good cry.I hate that any of you are here but am thankful that i can have someone to talk to that understands.

my thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

Melissa

[loosingeddie]

WELL ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL FALL DAY HERE....LISA MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.....DEBBIE I HOPE THIS MOVE BRINGS YOU SOME PEACE I TOO THINK YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING...APRILMOONFLOWER YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUNG FOR SOME OF IT BUT ENJOY THOSE YEARS THEY GROW UP TOO FAST LOL MY CHILDREN ARE 28 DOWN TO EIGHT LOL 5 GIRLS 3 BOYS LOL AND GRANDMA THE 10TH TIME IN JANUARY!!!!!! LOL I HAVE 2 LEFT AT HOME I MISS THE FULL HOUSE!!! SO MANY ADJUSTMENTS....DRESSING UP IS SO FUN!!! I GOT ONE COSTUME SO FAR. MY YOUNGEST IS A PRINCESS LOL MY SON HAS NOT DECIDED YET....WELL YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY.... WILL BE THINKING OF YOU ALL.....

[aprilmoonflower]

ahhh abbreviations..I do that alot! here are some I use regularly!

DH-dear/darling hubby

DS- " " son

DD- " "daughter

SIL-sister in law

BIL-brother in law

SAHM-stay at home mom

hope everyone has a good day. =)

[aprilmoonflower]

loosingeddie- I made DS costume last year (bald eagle from an old Martha Stewart mag) and he wouldn't wear it! I was very near tears after working on it for hours! Also DH had wanted me to make the eagle costume (The year before I did an owl one from the same patterns) anyhow this year the

costumes came from ebay (much easier on me!phew) they will be a ladybug and a bee! =)

[starchild]

Hi Ladies: Like some of you I haven't been here lately either. Not purposely, it's just the pace has really picked up. My co-worker relocated and I have to carry the work load until they hire a replacement. But if I keep making it look easy, they may reconsider. The only good thing is that it makes the time go by faster and I have less time to think about missing Stanley. But I haven't been able to post like I'm used to. I'm still at odds with my mother about this insurance settlement. She just refuses to accept that fact that I'm going to get mine one way or the other. Now her lawyer is trying to run more game and I'm thinking about harassment charges. At this point I'm running out of patience. The whole situation is a negative in my spirit. I've started making more meetings. The cooler weather is invigorating, the gatherings give me a chance to get comfortable with socializing without the pressure of getting hit on and my purpose for being there is spiritually healthy. And I've got these boys to raise. Slowly but surely, I'm starting to feel like my old self again which is really all I want. And probably what my husband would want for me too. It's hard to believe it's been nine months already.(Sigh) I'm purchasing a space for us, but in the meantime his ashes are here with me. I wasn't ready to say goodbye and hopefully by the time I'm finished paying for the niche, I'll have some sort of closure.

Hope everyone is doing as well as they can under the circumstances. I wish none of us had to be here. Everyone have a blessed day and a safe weekend. ((((hugs)))

[loosingeddie]

APRILMOONFLOWER... WOW YOU SEWED THE COSTUMES HOW COOL PROBABLY WOULD BE UPSETTING IF THEY DON'T WANT TO WEAR THEM LOL KIDS LOL LOL LADY BUG AND A BEE HOW CUTE MY YOUNGEST WAS A BEE AT 3 YRS OLD......WE JUST GOT HOME MY SON WANTED TO GO PAINTBALLING TONIGHT AFTER SCHOOL... SO GUESS WHO DROVE ALL THE BOYS LOL? WELL HAVE A GOOD EVENING.........LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU......

[loosingeddie]

APRILMOONFLOWER... WOW YOU SEWED THE COSTUMES HOW COOL PROBABLY WOULD BE UPSETTING IF THEY DON'T WANT TO WEAR THEM LOL KIDS LOL LOL LADY BUG AND A BEE HOW CUTE MY YOUNGEST WAS A BEE AT 3 YRS OLD......WE JUST GOT HOME MY SON WANTED TO GO PAINTBALLING TONIGHT AFTER SCHOOL... SO GUESS WHO DROVE ALL THE BOYS LOL? WELL HAVE A GOOD EVENING.........LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU......

[loosingeddie]

APRILMOONFLOWER... WOW YOU SEWED THE COSTUMES HOW COOL PROBABLY WOULD BE UPSETTING IF THEY DON'T WANT TO WEAR THEM LOL KIDS LOL LOL LADY BUG AND A BEE HOW CUTE MY YOUNGEST WAS A BEE AT 3 YRS OLD......WE JUST GOT HOME MY SON WANTED TO GO PAINTBALLING TONIGHT AFTER SCHOOL... SO GUESS WHO DROVE ALL THE BOYS LOL? WELL HAVE A GOOD EVENING.........LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU......

[aprilmoonflower]

loosingeddie-yeah they (costumes) were sewn with felt so they were super easy, just a little time consuming when you have 2 babies.lol.

my 2 yo is doing a little better. he was acting out ALOT for awhile but seems to be settling down some. he won't talk about his father and I don't think he remembers him (though he recognizes him in pics)it's so sad and so hard to know how DH death effects him when he was pre verbal when it happened. he is a typical 2yo though!

[loosingeddie]

APRILMOONFLOWER......HE SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL 2 YEAR OLD LOL THAT IS A GOOD THING... YES IT IS SO SAD WHEN THEY LOOSE THEM SO YOUNG WITH NOT MUCH MEMORY OF THEM, BUT...NONE OF IT SEEMS FAIR!!!!!! ITS GOOD HE REMEMBERS WHEN HE LOOKS AT PICS....ACTING OUT I KNOW ABOUT THAT MY 11 YEAR OLD HAS OCCASIONS... HE WANTS HIS DAD BACK BUT OVER ALL HE IS DOING PRETTY GOOD MOST OF THE TIME NOW...MY YOUNGEST WHO IS 8 IS A GIRL AND SHE IS DOING WELL.....SHE MAKES HIM BEAD NECKLACES AND LEAVES THEM AT THE CEMETERY ITS STILL HARD TO KNOW HOW IT WILL EFFECT THINGS DOWN THE ROAD...WE JUST HAVE TO KEEP DOING OUR BEST TO KEEP THINGS AS NORMAL AS WE CAN......I REALLY ENJOY HEARING FROM YOU......I KEEP CHECKING LOL.....

[justamom]

Hi girls, thank you all so much for all of the good vibes, wishes and thoughts. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. So far so good, my doc. thinks that there is nothing to worry about today. I have to go back in three months for another Mammogram and ultrasound. That mammogram kind of sucked I had to have 8 slides on 1 boob!!! Yikes.

It has been a very up and down day - i got that news first thing this morning - Happy. Then I found out that our friend that was in the car with us the bad night - got a DUI recently. I don't even know what to think about that - I know that he is in a really bad place, but I can't understand it. So then I was sad.

Then i got a call from the police and they are making progress on their investigation into the party that the kid was at before he hit us. So then i was kind of happy again.

Now I am getting ready to go out to dinner with my in-laws. I am nervous I guess. I just don't know how it will go. Hopefully I will be able to hold my tongue and not get nasty with anyone. Worse case, I could smack somebody with my martini glass! Just kidding. I won't go that far, my mom would kill me!

I hope you all have a peaceful evening and a pleasant weekend. Take care, Lisa

[aprilmoonflower]

loosingeddie- I think that was one of my DH worst fears that something would happen to him and DS wouldn't "know" him. The summer before he died he had talked about making a videotape talking about things he thought were important "just in case". he never did make the tape but it makes me sad he thought about it enough to mention it to me. I am not sure how I can convey my DH in life to the kids..I guess it will just all come together as time goes on but I am really at a loss right now. My daughter was only 2 weeks old when DH died so she would never remember him. I am just glad they had the time they did with him. It's really so hard to explain..especially when I look at them and think HE SHOULD BE HERE RIGHT NOW!!! ackk. everything is so hard.

Lisa- I am so glad to hear that things are looking good for you healthwise! yay! I Hope you get some closure from the police...these things take soooo long I know =(

[grammy2]

Hello to all. I haven't written in quite a long time but I have been reading the messages. It has been 3 1/2 years since Tom died and I still can't believe he is gone. My first two years were the hardest. I found the second year to be the worst of all. I still have an ache in my heart that will never go away but I shed tears now rather than cry uncontrollably. I am still waiting for the day I can look at life and feel alive again. Know that my thoughts are with all of you who have the long road to travel. However you feel and whatever your actions know that they are normal. I never thought I would make it through to this stage of my grief. Yet, here I am. You may think you are going crazy (as I once did) but believe me you are not. I pray for all of you and hope your road to recovery is not all consuming.

Pat

[susanbruce]

Grammy2, My name is Susan and I lost my husband Bruce on April 21 to an unexpected massive heart attack. We have 1 daughter who is married and lives close by. Living alone is tough for me. I have heard a few other ladies here say that the 2nd year is harder than the first. Do you know what was different in your feelings from one year to the next? Just curious. Our first grandchild will come into the world in late January. Many people tell me that the baby will bring all sorts of joy back to my life. They are probably right but in the back of my mind, there is always the thought that I will never know total joy again. Joy for me was Bruce. I love this group of ladies. Sometimes I just read what everyone else is saying and other times like today, I say a few words. It's comforting to know that there are many others out there who know exactly how I feel. Please tell us about Tom.

[Guest Guest]

Hello everyone, I am sad to see so many of suffering. I have been without a computer for 3 weeks and have missed reading everyone's post. This message board is a piece of heaven for me. There are many days I am so down, and coming here reading the post, I realize i am not the only going thru this hell. I wish and pray for all of us to someday find peace and comfort.

Take care

Nancy55

[Guest Guest]

hi all I've been searching for someone to talk to and I hope i found them. I lost my husband 3 months ago. We have 3 children my oldest is 18 then 14 and my youngest is my daughter,8. I can't believe we are going through this. I still wait to hear him drive in after work or to wake up in the middle of the night to his snores,(never thought I'd miss that)! everybody says it gets easier and for a short time I though I had started coming to grips but lately I feel like I'm back at square one. I am so lost without him. He was a great man and an even better father. He should be here. I don't eeven know why he died. Heart attack thay say but he had no history of heart issues. He was only 43.

[Guest Guest]

I hope you are all doing well And I am sorry for all of your losses

[bubupig]

i am so sorry for all of our losses. i haven't written on this site for quite some time. i live in australia and my husband craig was killed in a work accident on nov 15 last year. I have just over 5 weeks until the 1 year anniversary and i am finding that the past few weeks have been the hardest since craig was killed. I am really struggling trying to get thru each day and each new day just seems so much harder than the one before it. i'm not eating, not sleeping, exhausted and all the other things stress brings on. I know i shouldn't be stressing but i guess when you come up to these dates it just brings back the worst day of your life all over again.

my family and friends are trying the best they can but it's just such a difficult time. will we ever feel alive again?

i try to be strong but it's just so hard. I'm crying so much lately, for seemingly no reason. I really feel i'm going crazy.

It is a tragedy that any of us have to be experiencing this all consuming grief and my heart goes out to all of you.

I hope that each of you can find some small measure of peace in your day.

Hugs to you all,

Becky

xo

[missingcurtis]

To Becky and all others,

I am also feeling sadder as the one year date approaches. I guess I am reliving the days leading up to his passing one at a time. I keep remembering the days and nights we spend getting him chemo and radiation treatments. The 12 days he spent in the hospital that delayed the treatments.

The time we spent together was special to us both. We both thought he was going to make it despite what the doctors had said. He was really doing good.

Then I guess God wanted him more than I did. He took him home one night. I was there with him at the hospital but I honestly thought the doctor would pull him through the crisis.

I just try to keep my faith in God and keep praying for the hurt to go away.

Debbie...................Missing Curtis and it hurts!

[aprilmoonflower]

Guest- you have found the right place to talk! we all know what you are going through! keep posting, I promise it will make you feel a little better..I'm so sorry for your loss. and your kid's loss. it's so hard, I know.

Becky- you sound like me 2 months ago. I was an anxious mess for the 6 weeks before DH 1 year anniversary of his death. it was awful but I got through it. so will you. just try to focus on what's at hand and not what's ahead so much. it helps. I too felt like I was going crazy for awhile there. too much stress, too many emotions, too much grief. just overloaded emotionally! Do you have supportive people to be around IRL? it really does help to go through this with others. I know not many people even know what we are going through. I tend to push people away and like to be alone alot but I found being with others during that time really helped alot.

missing curtis- I'm so sorry. I know you must be having a hard time. I can't even imagine what it's like to watch the one you love get sick. sometimes I feel like I am lucky that DH just was gone in an instant, others, I wish we had had just a few more days/hours/minutes..I really wish I had an answer to your pain, I dont. but please know we are all right here with you on this journey.

[mishknit]

Guest....

it's only been three months....that is so little time to make sense of your loss and why it happaned. hang in here with us, find a support group for you and your kids, and you will, in time, be able to say that it "gets a littl better"...but not so soon. there are many ups and downs to grief, that is why it is always likened too a roller coaster. i am 8 months in, and I don't think i've put together 2 days in a row the same since my husband died (also suddenly). I have only 1 child..a 14 year old, and sometimes his issues and the things we do can take the edge off the grief, but it always comes back, and i think that's ok. we have to go through what we go through. Keep coming back here, and hopefully some of the things you read here can help, even if only to remind you that you are not the only one going thru this.

"

Becky..i am so sorry. i find that the anticipation of every major first" is always harder than the actual day..i hope that's true for you, and for me, when i face it in a few months. Do you have any plans for the day? perhaps making a plan would help, rather than wondering how you'll deal with it. I've made specific plans for every first so far, and it has helped me. Some involved friends, others, like my anniversary..i just went away by myself and allowed myself to feel whatever i felt. For Tom's birthday, i had friends over for a bday party, planted a tree and placed some ashes under it. i know that i will have friends over on january 21st, which will be one year for me. Maybe a plan will help focus you a vbiot..but, hang in there, keep writing.

Right now i am so focused on the holidays coming up..and can

t let it go because it's everywhere! Whatever happaned to christmas stuff going out after halloween? I have left nmerous stores lately, full carts in the aisle, because i just couldn't be there one more minute. we had so many Christmas traditions...it was tom's favorite holiday, and we had a party, made cds, spent thanksgiving weekend putting up the tree and decorating. Tom always put up the tree (had to be artificail cuz i have bad allergies) and decorated the outside, i decorated the tree itself and the inside. I DREAD having to deal with it. but, like i said to becky..perhaps it's time for me to make a plan to get everything done.

I've also opened his closet door..prelude to starting to clean it out. I really want to do it, i need the space, many people can use the clothes....but it is hard. i'm trying to get used to the idea little by little, so it won't seem like such a big deal..but it is a big deal.

Sigh....

michele

[rodless]

Lisa, I am so glad to hear optimistic news! Here's a prayer that it will continue to be so. I had upteen shots taken of a breast last December and a needle guided biopsy so I can sympathize. My mom had breast cancer 10 yrs. ago so I was plenty scared.

Guest, I also lost my husband 3 months ago. This is a good place to be... reading or writing, up or down.

Nothing much new with me. Had a good week and weekend - longest string of decent days I've had so far. I've been really busy at work so that helps. Doesn't mean I won't fall apart tomorrow, but it has been a nice break in the hard core grieving process. Some things I've been reading are starting to sink in and watching my young neighbor deal with an unwanted divorce has made me realize how lucky I was to have Rod for the years we were together. I could have spent all of those alone after my own divorce years ago. Instead I was given the chance to have a great marriage and someone who loved me no matter what. Kind of helps put things in perspective...at least for me...at least for a day or so.

Mary Jo

[nancy55]

Hello to all, I hope everyone is ok. I can see many of you are reaching the first anniversary date. I reached that in June for my husband. And Oct 21st will be one year since I lost my brother. That date is so hard..because you have no choice but to face they aren't coming back. The first year you are in such a fog. And I found the little mind games I played, didn't work. Like..maybe tonite when I get home from work my DH would be there..when in reality I knew he was gone. But, it was a coping mechanism to get me thru the day. And the first year, the days are so long. It is reality hitting you..each and everyday from now on.."they" will not be with you. Your loved one has really left. It is beyond our control and we have to accept it. It tears our hearts out, we cry and it only makes us feel alittle better for a short time. It is the worst and the horrible days our of lives. It gets better only because we accept the fact. Not because we love them any less, or miss them any less. I wish all of you love, peace and lots of comfort as these days roll around.

Take care, God bless, Nancy

[airymoon]

mishknit, thanks for your reply. I am glad I found this place. It already feels comfortable. just knowing there are others helps alot. I am so sorry for every one's pain. sometimes I feel guilty being wrapped up in my own pain when ther are so many others out there hurting. But it wasn't a choice I made so I guess I shouldn't feel guilty.today has been an ok day but most of the time its a struggle just to get out bed in the morning. i sleep all the time and can't remember one day from the next. everyone tells me thats normal but it's still scary. The pressure to take care of everything is enormous.mary Jo I'm sorry your going through all of this too I think its great that you had good days. They seem to be so few in coming. I do alot of pretending too. I know kurt is gone but at work I pretend like everthing is ok and I push it away for a while. the trouble is, it hits hard when I get home. I'll be back tomorrow. Thanks for listening everybody,

[missinmyhubby]

Wow, so many new posts...

Lisa, congrats so far!!! The boob squeezing really sucks!!

Guests...I am new at this posting, but it has been a great place to come.

The first year was so hard, the second was even harder, the third...things are much better. Still sad at times, and still think of him daily...and will always miss him horribly. I haven't written hardly any of our story yet, but here is a tid bit. My children were not able to attend the funeral, so seeing the grave would have been their first time on the 1 year anniversary. Prior to his death we had lived in Florida for almost 9 years. We had some really close friends there and still do. We had moved up to Michigan for my job, but after he passed I moved to Nevada near my family for support. Nine months later we moved to Mississippi. I will explain more of that later, but it was job related. Upon reaching the one year anniversary we had planned to go see the grave. I wanted to go back to see him and I wanted some closure for the kids. A week before, my car had to go into the shop and we were unable to make the trip up there. We decided to move it to the following weekend due to the car issues. I happened to ask my children..."do you want to go up there, or do you think we should go to Florida and see our friends (we had not seen them since we had moved prior to Mark's passing)." The children are the ones who had said "we think dad would have liked it better if we went to Florida and did something fun instead of going up there and being sad." So, to Florida we went. I wanted to go see him, but knew sometimes kids can be wiser if we listen. I still haven't had the opportunity to go there since the burial, but he is always with me no matter what. The friends that we went to see had been the couple (and their children) that we had done everything with...family outings, couple activities, etc. So, seeing them then for the first time since Mark's passing was very awkward, we were missing someone. But, it was also very nice to see them again! I have adopted the theory that it will only be as bad as I let it....sometimes it helps, sometimes it still controls me, but not as often.

A song I heard and held as my theme song is Unwell by Matchbox20. I knew I wasn't going crazy, but I sure felt like it.

Mishknit said it so perfectly..."it's only been three months....that is so little time to make sense of your loss and why it happaned. hang in here with us, find a support group for you and your kids, and you will, in time, be able to say that it "gets a littl better"...but not so soon."

IT DOES GET BETTER..even though it might not feel like it now, it will, please hang in there. My heart is with you all. I hope everyone finds a smile on there face at least once this week...God Bless.

Angel

[mishknit]

I just erased myself..hate it when i do that!

Lisa...so glad to hear your good news, and so sorry i didn't say anything in my last post...spaced and self-involved, as usual!

Airymoon..like the name...keep coming back. the pressure is enormous, and takes a while to get better, but hang in here, you'll get a bit of rest with us

Nancy..so true about acceptance....until we fully accept that our husbands are not coming back, it's hard to move ahead..but it all takes time. Sometimes i am so accepting, he;s gione..let's go, and then i'll catch a glimpsed of a picture, or, whatever, and i'm right back into the "can't believe he's gone " mode, and it's been 8 months. It's a process, i guess.

And Angel.."only as bad as I let it be"..that's great! Gives you some control, and god knows we need that! I practiced that tonite without even knowing it, and came home and read that and said YES!! Thanks for that...now I can practice it better..sort of a mantra.....only as bad as i let it be, only as bad as i let it be...etc.....

saw a lot of people tonight that my son went to school with...all friends that drifted away. they all wrote notes, and called when tom died, but have prettty much disappeared since then....which is actually ok, but it was weird being with them. I just smiled, said I was doing as well as can be expected, and moved on. "Only as bad as I let it be".LOL

peace all,

Michele

[messenger]

TO ALL.................I AM VERY SORRY FOR ALL YOUR LOSSES............................

TO MISSINGCURTIS..............I FEEL REALLY BAD FOR YOU...............OUR SON DIED FROM CANCER AFTER 6 YEAR BATTLE..GOING THRU THE CHEMO AND RADIATION..BACK AND FORTH AND HE WAS LOOKING SO GOOD..AT END.....THOUGHT FOR SURE...........HE WAS GOING TO MAKE IT......HE MOVED HOME THE 14TH OF JUNE..05..........WENT DOWN HILL SO FAST........DIED 16TH AT 7:30 AM...............A WEEK EARLIER........YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN THAT QUICK..........BUT LIKE YOU SAID...........GOD HAD OTHER PLANS........TO TAKE THEM HOME..WITH HIM.......THEY WERE GIFTS AND TIME FOR OURS TO GO HOME.........HOW OLD WAS YOUR LOVED ONE?? MINE WAS 27........KNOW YOU ALL WILL BE ADDED TO MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[mishknit]

ok..

this may be crazy, but i have to ask...has anyone gone to a medium to try and reach your husband?

i've been hearing about it a lot lately, from people who have. I don't know how i feel about it, but the possibility intrigues me.

anyone?

thanks, michele

[lindat]

Michele, I have been reading some on it lately, but haven't tried it. The idea seems comforting....

Angel, I am traveling on some of the roads that you have traveled. I drove from Petoskey, MI yesterday and will be heading for Ft. Walton Beach, FL tomorrow. That is where my Terry died last January 17th and I have to go back to visit his cousin who has just been diagnosed with cancer. He let us live in his beach house last year after Katrina wiped us out in MS. After that I am heading to MS to see my daughter and grandkids in Pass Christian where they are staying in a FEMA trailer until their house is built. Then I am off to Nevada and then CA for the holidays. When the house is ready I will be going back to MS to stay with my daughter\'s family. I do not have the heart or strength to start over by myself - I will be 60 next month. I have driven so many miles in so few months and there is not any peace anywhere. After Terry died, I drove from FL to CA to stay with my kids and mom out there and then I drove to MI last June to stay with my sister. I don\'t want to wear out my welcome anywhere, and everyone has been wonderful, but I will be glad to have a place to call home again - even if it is just a room. There is a good possibility that as soon as that happens, I will wish to be on the road again Everywhere sucks without him....

[missingcurtis]

MESSENGER, Thanks for the kind words. Curtis was 59, just a month from turning 60 when he passed away.

We had just celebrated 36 yearsof marriage 3 weeks earlier.

People have been asking me if I want to get married again. I know I hate to think of growing old alone but only time will tell I guess.

I have decided to move him to the town where I live. I want to be able to visit his grave. To go there and talk to him and cry when I want to. Maybe I am nuts but we all have our own way of dealing with our loss.

I just can not go back to where we were as often as I would like. This may not be the correct thing to do but I have already told the funeral home to get the paper work done.

Debbie.................Missing Curtis...............

[aprilmoonflower]

Michele- I haven't seen a medium but had a tarot reading 2 months after DH died. it was insightful to say the least! My MIL knows a medium (a good friend of hers) and wants to get her to do a trance..she said she is going to tape it and send me a copy. I am a little wierded out about it though. not sure why? I do beleive there are mediums but also lots of fakes as well! I am just too vulnerable right now to do it I guess!

[justamom]

Hi girls, First of all I love that song "unwell" also - It really expresses my "crazy" very well.

I am glad that we are talking about the Medium thing - I have a story. It might be long and I hope that I can do it justice. Right after our accident I wasn't allowed to read the newspaper or watch the news (It was all to overwhelming for me) So my sister was reading the newspaper and Rebecca Rosen had moved to Denver and the reporter for the Rocky Mountain News did an article with her. The reporter was a total skeptic and in the middle of the interview she came up with some of his family "stuff". He said that it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened. So my sister is intrigued by this article and she felt like she was supposed to find it and read it - she usually didn't read stuff like that. I have always believed that our people stay with us after they die and I had really felt My husband around me many times. So my sister picked up the phone to see if she could get us a reading with her. We got in in July it was a 3-4 month waiting period. She booked the reading in her name and didn't tell her who she was bringing with (I had been in the news a bit and she didn't want her to be able to get any info on me before hand). So I had a dream a few nights before we went that Steve (my DH) was telling this woman that I had never seen before that we were coming to see her. In my dream I wondered who it was that he was talking too. When we walked in and met Ms. Rosen she said "oh you have been in my seminars before" and we said no that we hadn't. So as we talk she figures it out that she had a dream that my husband came to her and showed her that we were coming - that is why we looked familiar, and I said that I knew my husband would be there because I had the same dream. So as the reading went on - I had thought to myself that if it truely was Steve he would come through with his nickname that I always called him and he would give us the "thumbs up" (in alot of the pictures that we have of him he is giving us the thumbs up) So first of all it was alot of random family members grandparents, great, etc. and then there he was - she said I have a male to your side and she pointed at me and she said he has an "S" nickname. I said we have alot of "s" names in our family and she looked at me and said it's "stevie". Well there was number 1. Then she told me alot of stuff that there was no way she could have known. He also knew the name of the "kid" who was driving the car that hit us. Which also sealed the deal for me - she brought it out of the blue. The last really big thing was she said that he loved our sons hair and she did the Thumbs up. I had just given our youngest son a mowhawk and I knew that he would love it.

It was the most peacful feeling that i have had since the accident . I knew that he was there with us and that he was keeping track of us and helping out where he can. I do agree that there are alot of "fakes" out there. So i would recommend if you are going to go to find a well known medium. You'll have to wait longer to get in but I truely do believe that there are people out there that can do it. I also got a CD of the session so that I can go back and listen to it whenver I want to. It never fails to make me feel better and closer to him. It doesn't last because he's still not here. But It does remind me of my life before. I can't tell anyone else that it will help but I will tell you that it helped me tremendously. It put aside alot of my fears and confirmed amny of the thins that I already believed.

Sorry it is long and full of typing errors! Have a good day girls - we will be getting SNOW tonight in Colorado! Talk to you all soon. Lisa

[rodless]

I have not gone to a medium - out here in podunkland we don't have a lot of chances - but I am really intrigued by the whole idea. I have read all of George Anderson's books and am starting on Sylvia Browne. Not sure I believe everything either one has to say but find pieces that really make sense to me... and I don't think it interferes with religious beliefs. All seems to go together into one belief in a greater spirit no matter what you call it. I feel Rod around me most of the time. Lots of signs mostly dealing with feathers and music. Last night had a dream in which we were hugging - that was the first one he was in. Was wonderful!! and so comforting. One of these days I'm going to get caught talking out loud to him by someone who'll think I'm nuts. Do I care??? We all have to do whatever gets us through. Snow predicted in Iowa on Wednesday. Gotta find my boots. Mary Jo