Loss of an Adult Child

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I posted this on Jared's memorial fb page, probably be sued tomorrow.

 

[ericasmom]

Becky, let them sue then, it is a perfect thing to say. It should be a billboard for heaven's sake. A tv commercial, a public service announcement. It speaks to the reality of what can be taken in a split second. Keep it going Becky. What is the doc doing to find out what is up with your hands and legs?

 

Jan, even in all the deep pain, you have found that one good thing born out of the ashes of loss. Sure we wish that she could be here today, but oh, how confusing and sad it would be for her later on if you left first. Nothing easy about this Jan, we are holding your hands.

 

Lora, prayers continue for Todd and for you. I know you are working hard and visiting your brother and parents, you have little to no time right now, and I do hope you will be able to carve some quiet time for just you soon. Stay warm in the meantime.

 

Sherry, thanks, I know that over the many years, you and I have felt without roots, a tree no longer in the ground, but we did grow some new ones, we are rooted in all that is around us and all that went before us.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....I do believe your postings are held sacred here....as mine and others are....we are just posting the feelings and emotions of a parent that lost a child....this is not a Judgement Court...nor do we have any lawyers lurking in our deep sorrow....oh no....they do not want any part of that for sure....they do not want to be a part of 'our club'....and they do not want to read our longing....

 

Sherry...I meant to post a Birthday wish for your Mom and your family....I guess it got lost in the 'time of day'....but no matter how small....'you have her...and she has you'....and that is cause for celebration for her years and wisdom....am so glad you are 'back'...and we have your sweet words again...we sure missed you....and so many 'new ones' need you on that grief journey...to wave them onwards...you can only give wisdom when one has experience....wisdom can never be circumvented....no....it has to be learned....

 

I so enjoyed seeing Jesse David's 'style'.....now that is a free thinking man....

my Essie use to have a saying....'he owned the ground he walked on'......that is what Jesse looks like.....and I will have to research 'maybe' what she meant....but really....I don't think any research had someone like her in their sights...

 

Love those old cars and trucks being restored...

  Essie had another saying...'One should not live in the past...but honor the past'.....

I think your boys were honoring the past...in all that restoration....they knew what was important...

 

well....our balmy 78 degrees has gone south...we got a cold blast...and can even get a Wintery Mix...of sleet...and maybe snow to the north of us....freezing temps of 32 and under...and rain...gee....we are 'hunker down'...just like we do when we get a hurricane....

   Do hope our Northern sisters and brothers are safe and warm....

Kate...you are my Polar girl....hope you are feeling better....I know you have the 'best nurse' ever...

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora...so good to 'hear' from you....we know your every day schedule is very tight...and now...so many other 'issues'....we are happy that your brother is 'doing good on his healing chart'....and we know you have so many on 'your back'.....just know we think of you...pray for you...and yes....we miss you when you are not posting....but ...you take care of yourself..FIRST...and just let us hear when you feel up to it....and we know what you mean...the 'why' could not it be Cara....being restored again....it hurts....we will be here for you.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks, Dee & Susan! This woman is dispicable, and will use anything to get at us, but I am at the point of not caring what I say, because it is the TRUTH!! 

 

 

Next week I go for another MRI, of my shoulder, followed by nerve studies of my arms and hands and legs and feet. I sure hope they find something soon, Very tired of it all.

[wgreenlee]

Dee…

 

Thank you for the words of advice…sometimes I just can’t see through the fog.  You’re right of course…sometimes we just need to ask for help to make it through…Thank you!

 

Susan…

 

Brooks’ strobe ornament is still going again tonight.  Thirty-one days times 24 hours a day equals 744 hours for a light that was only supposed to be on for 200.  What if it stays on forever?  I believe in miracles and that would be “concrete.”  I pray every day when I visit his site for that sign now…

 

Thank you, as well, for your advice… It really does help in letting me know it’s ok how I feel.  I really like the idea of taking her out special.  I think I will do that for both the girls.

 

Karen…

 

Your post about your husband almost matches me exactly.  My wife and I are grieving differently.  It’s almost like I don’t want to burden her more with my sorrow…I don’t cry or yell in front of my wife…I mourn on my own and guess it’s just my way.  I’ve only slept in my bed a few times since Brooks’ passing.  I sleep downstairs in front of the tv, because I need that picture…that sound….or else my mind at night just goes haywire.  Renea sometimes sleeps with me on the couch, but she understands.  I’ve told her I just have to work through it.  I also sleep very little.  Some people have also mentioned the sleeping aids, but I, too, have said no.  This site is the only thing keeping me going sometimes.  I wish I had the answers, but hopefully he will see me as a safe haven.  I will pray for that.  Sharing Brooks with all of you has been good for me.  Maybe he could let me know some things that he and Geoff did together.  No matter what…no matter when…I will be there.

 

Yes, the word “celebrate” just doesn’t fit into my vocabulary right now.  I don’t like these “firsts” but know eventually that there will be acceptance.  Awesome truck!

 

Becky…

 

Yes, the link still works.  Such a beautiful voice.  You were so strong!  Thank you for reposting it.  How are you doing?  Praying hard for good health.  And JD is watching you…we are all being watched by our precious children.  “Forever in our Hearts”….YES!  I also ask God to allow Brooks to visit me in my dreams…only bad dreams so far…but I will be patient.  You go… girl…somethings just need to be said…  Proud of you!

 

Steph’s mom…

 

Beautiful picture.  Thank you!  Yes, sharing on this site is sunshine to my cloudy days.  Don’t know what I would do without it.  We will be there for you…and I know, you for us.  Tough journey all around, but one we all must navigate to the best of our ability…share Steph with us as you can…I look forward to hearing and seeing more about her.  For me…sharing Brooks is just a normal activity…like it always was…and will continue to be.

 

Laurie…

 

Yes…yes…yes…sharing our children on this site is like shouting their names out loud…and saying you will never be forgotten.  Love the pics.  Always the outdoorsman.  He certainly did “own the ground he walked on.”

 

Lora…

 

So glad that your brother’s doing ok.  Praying for you and Todd…  

 

Jan…

 

Let the tears flow and cleanse your heart.  God gave Meagan a beautiful and amazing mother… 

 

Sherry…

 

Brooks sure will be smiling down at the party.  Best year of his life with those kids.  It always makes me feel so good thinking that his upbringing helped him be that way.  There is nothing more important than that.  I am missing that so much…

[ericasmom]

Wade, you are a nurturer, as your Son learned to be as well, it is probably harder for you to think of needing help as you always have offered it. But do ask whenever and whatever you need, be it a prayer or a shoulder, knowing that your strength needs to ebb and flow to allow your grief. You will help many here, you already have with your compassionate posts and your willingness to empathize.

 

Sleep well All, know that you are being loved each moment.

[wgreenlee]

Beautiful bird
Strong and free
Carry this prayer to
The highest tree
A prayer of deep love
That my son might know
His Father above and 
His father below

Where eagles dare
Heart and wings
Carry this prayer to
The King of Kings
Lift up to the heavens
These words of love
From the father below to
The son above

Lord of Lords 
Emmanuel my King
Accept this prayer
From birds that sing
And send a sign
So I might know
That the son above
Loves the father below.

 

Psalm 104:12

 

Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches.

 

This is what Brooks wore to his resting day.  Favorite shirt...tie...and hat to cover his head...  I tried to find the same shirt and tie for his viewing...I think they were mine to begin with.

 

 

Carried him home...

 

 

Brooks and little Baby...

 

 

[wgreenlee]

My virtual hug to you all...thank you!

 

 

And with one of my favorite songs...

 

[Josh's mom]

To: Angel boy of mine. I have rarely posted but often read. I suffered with a lot of the symptoms ur describing. Had a couple MRI's and also the muscle and nerve testing. Only to discover anxiety was causing all those horrible symptoms. I never knew anxiety can cause all kinds of debilitating symptoms. Started an anti depressant and felt better within a couple of weeks.

[wgreenlee]

Josh's mom...

 

Thank you for posting to Becky.

[wgreenlee]

I listen to this man quite often when I need a lift...tonight I needed a lift.  Like one person said on his Youtube page... "Big man, Big talent, Big loss."

 

 

[Josh's mom]

Just really want everyone here to realize how anxiety can grasp a hold of us and give all kinds of horrible symptoms. I too had been hospitalized with heart palpitations that were caused by anxiety. I lost my son ten yrs ago last December. I can't believe I've lived this long without him. It's still so hard to believe

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Sophia, thank you so much for posting! I have thought myself that some of my symtoms may be due to stress and grieving, but the doctor's seem to want to find a physical cause. 10 years? wow, and bless your heart. 

 

Wade, I enjoyed the videos, and the poem. Jared was such a good hugger, he would pick me up off my feet and turn me around. I think of how big he would have been by now, as he was 6' tall and 183 lbs. lean at 15. OMG I miss my boy! Tears... 

 

I fell again this am, trying to go to the bathroom from the bedroom. Jerry had to come pick me up.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, please do try to take care of yourself. I'm sorry that you had another fall this morning. Sure hope they can get down to the bottom of this soon!

Sophia, ten years sounds like a long time, but in truth it seems like a blink of the eye when we are personally going through this loss. Anxiety can cause a multitude of health issues. On the other hand it is always necessary to look into everything closely. Our systems are weakened by this type of severe stress allowing us to become vulnerable to becoming ill.

The day my husband suffered his reaction to chemo and we almost lost him it took a full day for me to feel the full impact. I was running on adrenaline. The following day I literally shook for the entire day. My hands would not stop. I too had vivid memories of past hospital experiences with other family members at their end. Our minds can only absorb so much.

Wade, thank you for sharing the videos and poem. He was indeed a larger than life man with a heart to match. What a lovely voice!

Today we are having a break for one day only from the Winter From Hell! It is now -3.9C- 26F. We are now having yet more snow. One can't help but wonder if we may perhaps have some flooding this spring if it continues.

Lora, it is good to be strong. This type of loss even brings the strong to their knees. We all need to go with our instinct when we are grieving. Many need to cocoon and take a break from just talking about it. I know I have felt that way many times when I have craved to just quietly go about my daily routine and quietly think of Jeff.

Wanda...what is the weather like out our way? Have you had as much snow? Our son in Calgary says the temps have been quite warm this week. Hope you are getting some of it.

Sending loving thoughts your way for a peaceful day. Kate

[ericasmom]

CRAP BEcky, you fell again? I want to come sit by you and listen to music and make you some tea and help you with things.

Sophia, I am ten years down the road too, as is Sherry. I lost my 19 year old Daughter when an AMTRAK hit her car in Kalamazoo, Michigan. We live just outside of Chicago. She died on July 14th, 2003, six days after her car was hit. LIfe does change and we do struggle and our bodies are affected deeply.  Erica's and Jonathan's Dad (my first husband whom I was divorced from for 10 years abefore ERi died) got cancer 4.5 years after Erica died, a very aggressive form of leukemia, he died a year later which of course was terribly difficult on my Son especially. So we must try to let our grief out and try to find ways in which to be healthy even in the face of so much pain...I have always been plauged by anxiety, from a young little girl who worried about everything, EVERYTHING, all the way into adulthood and then more. When Eri died, Lord knows that the anxiety grew exponentially but I maintained with the help and guidance of a private therapist on and off over theyears, go back every couple of years to restrengthen my tools, and certainly by being here I am strengthened unbelievably.  We do what is best for us, remember, we are all of different but brought together by a similar crushing event. We react differently and we grieve differently, just know that our kids are rooting for us to live our best lives, if it means therapy and if it means taking a medicine, if it means weeping each day, whatever it takes to find our steps is what is most important. Hope is most important.

 

I love the voice of that Angel Hawaiian, I play the CD I have of his for my students all the time. I weep when I am alone and listen to him.

Wade did you write that poem? Lovely. I also love the song on the free hugs video.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....oh dear....do you have a walker ? If not...for the time being...I think it would be good for you...til you can find some healing...a bad fall can do so much damage....there are certain tools and devices (like the walker) that can help bridge us over when we are having health issues...just don't want our Warrior Mom to take on another blow.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Hi everyone. I’m way behind again.

Wade,

I’ve always loved the videos from the Free Hugs Campaign. They always make me smile. The poem is beautiful and it’s always good to see Brooks smile. I love the picture with the hat. Zak has a hat like that too. Thank you for asking about him. He’s struggling a little right now. He was diagnosed with ADD when he was little. He’s never required medication or an IEP. We just have to make sure we keep him organized and structured. This year he’s struggling a lot. His grades are slipping. I’m sure the first year of high school has been a big change for him as well as dealing with his grief. Also, I’m sure all the changes within our household, the lack of our usual routine and structure, are playing a role as well. That’s part of the reason I haven’t been on as much. I’ve been spending a lot of time getting things back into some type organized chaos and spending time with Zak working on getting him organized and back into a functional routine. He’s such a smart kid. At the same time as being diagnosed with ADD he was also tested and I was told he is highly gifted. His doctor at that point told me that Zak would be capable of doing anything he wanted, the key word being ‘wanted’. His doctor told me with the combination of his intelligence and his ADD, I would probably have a hard time getting him to focus on anything that didn’t hold his interest. How true that is.

Dalyla is such a beauty. I can see by the smiles and love in the pictures you share that Brooks was very much in love with being Dad to those kids. I can really relate to your feelings around Dalyla’s birthday. I felt the same way holding little Xander. I want to be there for Jessi and for this amazing little man but my heart breaks that Trista is not here to play her role in his life.

Sophia,

I have been diagnosed with PTSD since Trista’s accident. You are so right about the ways Anxiety can affect us physically.

Dee,

Like you, I have always had a generalized anxiety. I was always a worrier from the time I was little. Thank you so much for all your words. Every time I read one of your posts I find something to carry with me. Sometimes it touches just where I am on this journey. Sometimes it’s something I stick in my pocket to carry with me down the road. I’m realizing what you say is so true, about us all grieving in our own way. While there are so many common threads in this grief, our timeline, the way we express… are all our own, in our own time. One of the worst things I did was compare. I met with a Mom who lives near me that lost her Daughter over a year ago. She seemed so ‘together’. When she started talking about the things she had done in the early months, and here I am barely getting dressed, I felt bad. Through this ‘place’ I’ve learned not to do that.

Lora,

It was so good to see your post. I can’t imagine how draining this all is. I understand what you said… Why not Cara. I am always happy to hear of someone else’s miracle but at the same time a part of me is screaming… Why my Girl?? I hope you are getting enough rest and able to have some ‘downtime’ for yourself.

Becky,

Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry you fell again. I’m still praying hard for answers and healing for you. Thank you for sharing Jasmine’s dream of Jared. I had read it before but it was so good to see again. It touches my heart. It describes very much what I believe and what I’ve read in other places, that our Children just wake up into their new life. I love your dream as well… How ya’ like me now! Thank you for sharing that as well. I have only had a couple of dreams of my Girl. Never any words just her. One was so real. I held her hand and remember ever detail of her long thin fingers, her nail polish, the weight and warmth of her hand in mine. Aiden has had a couple of very vivid dreams in which she spoke to him. The first one was shortly after her services. He woke up and told me that Sissy is okay. He saw her and her eyes were open! That was something that he had been bothered by at her services, that she wouldn’t open her eyes. He said he was sad because his Buzz Lightyear was lost and Sissy came to help him find it. He said then she told him she loved him and that she would be back but that she had to go now. He said, “Then she went back to the place with all the flowers.” Another time he woke me up, jumping up and down on the bed, saying, “Sissy was here!” over and over. When I got him to calm down he said, “She came in the door and said she loves us. Then she was gone”. This happened at a time when he was struggling. He even had a time when he didn’t want anyone to talk about Trista. He would say, “Don’t talk about Sissy. She’s dead”. After this dream he was okay. He talks about her all the time. I think she knew he needed to see again that even though she’s not in this place, she is very much alive and ‘ok’.

I’m going to try to get back on later and read through more of the posts I missed. I feel a little lost when I lose touch for a few days. I’m still dealing with all the legal issues and the insurance companies. It’s all very painful and keeps me revisiting painful memories.

Something kind of odd happened the other day. Aiden was being a little pistol. He kept getting into stuff he knows he’s not to get into. I asked why he was behaving that way and he dropped to the ground, rolled into a ball, and said, “I’m a rock and rocks can’t talk”. I had to laugh and asked him where he learned that. He said he learned it from the kids at Sissy’s site. There are no kids at Trista’s site. There are only four people buried there right now and there has never been anyone else there when we go. There is so much open space that Aiden just runs and plays until we leave. I tried to ask him more and he just got frustrated. He said, “Mom, you know, those kids I always play with at Sissy’s site.” He hadn't even been to Trista's site with me for a couple of weeks because it's been to cold to take him. I dropped it but thought it was really strange or he just has an amazing imagination.

[Mimi]

I realize I need support from people who have experienced loss. I've looked into CFN and they meet monthly. It is also a two hour drive from where I live. 

 

My issue with this format of sharing is trust and I am aware that it is up to me to decide to what level I am willing to do that. 

 

I lost my granddaughter in OCT 2013. She was 20 months old. She was my light and my joy. She loved me unconditionally and I her. She reopened the door of wonder and laughter that I felt only as a child. 

 

I miss her so much. Most days I have to remind myself to focus on the love we shared and not on the bitterness and anger I feel at her loss and at life in general. There are a lot of repressed emotions inside that I believe will make me physically ill and aged if I do not release them. Scream, cry, shout, it works for a bit. A lot of times I worry that I am just going to transfer these stored emotions and lash out at some unsuspecting stranger who will think me a crazy B.

 

I've been in three minor traffic collisions since she passed. Mostly because I was driving aggressively and was distracted and/or not fully present. 

 

My brother in-law died unexpectedly on New Years Eve from bacterial pneumonia. He was 58. My sister was hospitalized with the same pneumonia and is now on the mend.I spent last week caring for her and her two grandchildren (who are two and under). It was healing for me to be of service to her, however it was tiring and I seem to have picked up a viral infection so I now need to stay away from them so they don't get sick. I live a thousand miles away from them and will return home Wednesday. Not sure if I can or will be able to see them before I leave.

 

My uncle died of a heart attack on Sunday. He was 69. We weren't that close.

 

My older brother's best friend from college succumbed to his courageous and inspiring battle with C on Tuesday. He was one of my favorite people and was also one of the funniest people I've ever met.

 

What a kick in the pants! When it rains, it pours! It happens in three's and all that BS. 

 

Trying to heal...be kind to myself.

 

I've got this knot in my throat, and my TMJ is sooo tight right now.

 

So frustrated...please, if you want to be of help, refrain from mentioning GOD/JC/Prayer or Angels because that is not my belief system and as well intended as I understand it to be, only makes me angrier...

 

Mimi

 

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Mimi, I am ten years down the road, I am so sorry for the terrible loss of your little Grandy. I cannot promise I won't speak of God or Angels as my belief is embedded in a deep and lovely warmth, but I will speak of HOPE> Many times we lose hope when we go through a windstorm of loss and HOPE is the one thing we need to find when we clear through the debris of so much loss. We need to grieve, we have to allow it, as we do and as we face who we are now in this loss, who will we become???we can hope. It is so hard though and if you are early on, first two years, it is not always possible.

 

I too was diagnosed with PTSD after Eri died. I was traumatized as a child repeatedly and so when the hardest trauma in life happened, my wiring changed completely. It was no longer possible to keep the anxiety under control. It took a  lot of work and a lot of hope to find a way to slowly put one piece of me back to there again alongside something new in me. We are of course changed for all time, but that is not something to ever apologize for or feel guilty about, we are humans capable of the most intense love, and then the opposite is also true, the most intense sadness.

Shannon, so good to see you and I will send hope to Zak-man. Kids have to grieve when they can, right into the new school year was not safe to grieve, his shock allowed him to move through the hallways and  find his classes, now the reality and the ache. Therapy possible?

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....you are doing good...holding on with both hands....

I read an article some time back that stated young teens seem to have a 'knee jerk' reaction to death more than any other age group....makes sense...for they have not formed their persona fully at that age...and how shock works on the young is so different than shock on a mature person...but you are doing the right thing to get all the 'ducks in a row'....my 'honorary' grandson..Ricky came by the other day...and he was going to 'Grief therapy' with his girlfriend...she lost her beautiful Mom last July to cancer....it broke every heart in our small town to say good-by to her. He said she wanted him to go to a session with her so he could understand her loss. He is such a sweet boy....to have had to deal with the issues with his 'family'....I can hardly call them 'family'...more like a bunch of brutes....but that is why we have Ricky in our family.

 

Aiden and small children seem to be so close to the 'veil'....I will tell the story later of my GRANDson, Diego....and what all he said about John David...stories seem so the same...

[Mermaid Tears]

Mimi....I and many on this site will tell you that anger is very, very normal in our grief journey...and we also know that grief is so dark and heavy...it is a physical thing...and that is why your heart will feel like it truly shatters...it is so darn hard. We tell people to 'self care'....for grief can also cause physical ailments....so be gentle and kind to yourself....I call it coming up for air....for it is hard to breathe at times...grief can crush you.

  You have had so many other situations...it is beyond sad....but many on this site have similar circumstances....not only do they have their grief...but many issues coming from all different directions...and each being hard to handle on any given day without the grief.

  Please tell us about your GRANDdaughter....how is your son/daughter coping ? It seems as if you have a close relationship to your sister...I can only think how grateful she is to have you there to help her and two babies....and yes....it does something wonderful to all of us to be of service...for we feel viable and needed....and that is balm for the heart.

   I will say this....if your anger is causing you to drive aggressive and have 3 accidents...maybe you should try and talk to a grief counselor...for you wouldn't want to cause an accident that could really be life threatening to an innocent driver or yourself.

[Mermaid Tears]

[JD's Mom, Becky]

oh, Mimi, ((HUGS)) to you. I babysat with my great niece from infancy til 18months, and like you said the love shared was unconditional, pure, and brought so much joy. 

 

Even though I have experienced the loss of my 15 year old son, reading your post brought tears to my eyes, as I thought of my little niece and the devastation I would feel if anything were to happen to her. I am so very sorry for your loss.

 

I hope we can be of some help and comfort to you. Like Dee, I have a firmly engrained set of beliefs that do include God, Jesus, and angels, but there have been comments made to me that made me want to slap the taste out of the mouths of some do gooders. Comments like "at least you have other kids", or "it's all part of God's plan". Makes my skin crawl!! Now I don't hesitate to respond with "no, God did not plan for my beautiful, precious child to die in the horrible manner that he did, what kind of monster would do that"?  I think that we as humans all have free will in the decisions we make, and sometimes the direction of our lives are forever changed by the decisions of other, but that God does provide a place when we leave this world. I hope you don't find that offensive. 

[ericasmom]

 

My favorite version but could not post without the commercial. This is by Jeff Buckley who passed away some time ago.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Just wanted to say thinking of everyone today...will be reading more of the posts in detail sometime tonight...

 

Thanks Wade for the poem....I plan on keeping it....

 

Becky, it is terrible you fell again. I would agree with Susan, perhaps a cane with the four legs...it may not look glamorous but we don't want you hurt either...

 

Shannon, I believe....

 

For everyone...one of my favorite images..

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...thanks for sharing...have never seen that one before...

Dee....thanks for sharing that song....

we need all the good stuff we can get....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate has asked me to post this song for everyone. It is "You've got a Friend" performed by Carole King
 

[Mermaid Tears]

I so love that song....and how many times do we 'need a friend'....

 

Wade...that poem or prayer you posted is so layered with every heart string we have...

[Jeff's Mom]

Laurie, thank you..."my friend"! Thinking of everyone tonight. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

For you Wade...may you find some comfort tonight...

 

Poem that was posted by Wade a night ago in honor of his son, Brooks.

[wgreenlee]

Laurie...

 

Thank you...Thank you...Thank you...  Oh, how the little things that friends do for you can change your day for the better.  Thank you!!!!!!!

[Guest]

...

[ericasmom]

ADD! Half of my family including me. Back however when I was young, there was no such thing, I was simply considered 'not-very-bright' according to my teacher. I was LD, learning disabled, did not learn to really read until I was 11 and could not tell time till about that same time in my life. ERica was ADD and had a math and reading processing issue, math was very low, but that girl could do so many other things...good things.

 

Thanks for the music All.

 

Laurie, how is your Grandchild? Still with you today?

 

Lora, I hope that your energetic brother can get the care he needs to continue to heal. I find it just ugly that insurance is the catalyst for sending folks home when it is clearly sooner than they need.

[ericasmom]

I keep forgetting to tell you All that a former student from the school I teach is in the Sochi Olympics, he is a speed skater. He is a senior at the local HS and was never my student though I know him from his elementary days. Exciting. I pray for a peaceful time there.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

Yes, our whole family is like a big bowl of alphabet soup with all the letters that could apply. My Grandpa, when told that the doc diagnosed Tris with mild OCD, said... "Forget those labels! We're all just quirky! In my day they just called those quirks!" This was the man who had to flip the light switch three times before turning it on or off. So, we are all just quirky. Trista really struggled with math as well but loved to write and read. Zak is very good in math. He read at the age of 3 but didn't really talk until that time either. When he did start talking it was in complete sentences. I think all kids are brilliant in their very own unique way and one of the problems is that schools tend to only understand one type of intelligence. When I pulled Trista from public school and she started an online program where she could work at her own pace, in a matter of months she went from C's and D's and being behind to A's and B's (mostly A's) and being in line for early graduation. It was sad to pull her because she had some very wonderful teachers who were very understanding about her learning differences. She also had some very rigid teachers who could not or would not understand and unfortunately the rigid teachers were in the subjects she was struggling in the most. Something like that would never work for Zak. He is too social. So, we will just do our best. I have talked to him about therapy but he is not real receptive right now but he is open and talks with me a lot so I don't want to push it.

I read in a post a little farther back how Erica asked you why you always dressed her is 80's clothing. That made me smile. In the past couple of years, Trista and her friends got into this whole retro thing. I had saved a few of what Trista called 'Cosby Show Sweaters'. They wore those and had me take them thrifting to find all the 80's things they could. I tried to explain to them that this style went 'out' for a reason but they weren't hearing it.

Susan,

I would love to hear the story of your grandson, Diego. Thank you for your encouragement, always. While Zak has not been receptive to counseling I have thought maybe I could get him to attend some type of grief group for teens at least a couple of times. He's a very social kid and something like that may work better.

Kate, Laurie, Dee, I always love the poems and music that is posted. It seems sometimes the right thing at the right time is shared and makes all the difference that day or that hour. That is part of the magic of this place. Thank you.

Lora,

Mitchell sounds like Zak in that way. For Zak it is computers and electronics. He can build anything. He also spends hours on creating his music that he makes with his computer and writes his own lyrics. It's rap so it's not my 'thing' but I feel he is very good for 14 years old. I'm sorry your brother is being sent home so quickly but he sounds like a man with a lot of drive and energy. I'm glad he is on the path to recovery.

Laurie,

That image you posted of when I get to heaven, I love that. I shared it on Trista's facebook too. Thank you for all you share.

Kate,

I just saw the post about the little one in the snow tunnel. My heart hurts for that family. Thank you for sharing that as I will be especially careful with the boys. Thank you for thinking of them.

It is snowing again and as I sit here with my coffee, looking out my sliding door, I see the little cardinal that always sits on the branch right outside, almost as if he's looking in at me as I look out at him.

I miss Trista so much. I miss everything and it's hard to explain my feelings. Being around the Girls is hard. Not because they are here but because she's not. When I see pictures of them together, having fun... It doesn't hurt because of what I see. It's what I don't see. My Girl is missing. This is all so hard. Susan, the saying you posted is so true. Sometimes I just swallow my tears and go about life as I have to and then... a picture, a song, and it all falls apart. I fall apart. But sometimes I need to fall apart.

Thinking of you all today and sending wishes for a peaceful day. It is Saturday and Saturdays are still so hard.

Shannon

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....that is simply beautiful....and the words/prayer message...brings tears to my eyes...thank you for your artistic touch to it...I know Wade will keep that close to him....for it speaks in his language for his SONshine boy.....

   well...really....it speaks to all that cries for their child....in that 'one' moment....in the dark of night....the pleading for healing..hope...that they hear us....and also in the sunshine of a day.

 

Dee....so interesting to hear your story....even with your issues I am 'guessing' you had some teachers that really came through for you....for I consider you 'intelligent on many levels...highly astute'.....what was the game changer that led you on to go to college and then to teach ? I still like to hear people's stories...I feel as if all my life I have been a 'story catcher'....I can be introduced to a complete stranger...and have some intuition that this person has layers and layers of something to tell.....so...I ask them....some are forthcoming...some are wary...they want to know 'how I know' they have a very unusual life story....I had one gentleman to tell me he would share his story....only if I agreed not to share it...after that....there were a number like him....anyway...I do have a lot of secrets to keep. I remember when my Essie was in the hospital the summer before she died...I was pregnant with Jesse....and her oldest and best friend, Grace, came to visit....and Essie said..'When I go a lot of secrets go with me'...and Grace said...'Yes..when we go they will be buried with us'.....I should have asked 'what'...but my sacred respect for her kept me from it.  Anyway....I guess I will always be a 'story catcher'...

 

Wade....I have been 'pondering' on you, Brooks...the children...when I have 'what' I want to say wrapped up neat and tidy...I will post it....I have noticed you have had some dark nights with no sleep....that is normal....but sometimes you must take a nap or two....

    It is fascinating about the strobe light...simply amazing...

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, how exciting about knowing a boy in speed skating! When you can... please give us his name. I love to be able to cheer people on. February 6 is not far off.

Lora, it sounds as if you are really motivated in your exercise routine. Good for you! I'm sure your brother must be anxious to be back home and in his own familiar surroundings. He will probably heal faster at home anyway.

Wade, Ross and I are sending warm thoughts your way for a better weekend spent with Renea. Do try to get more rest. It is really hard to fight this if you are run down. Hold on tight.

Susan, are you able to walk for any long periods of time? How I envy your warmer weather.

Shannon, I relate completely at seeing other kids and thinking of Tris. I know it is hard. I know I will always feel that way. It is getting a bit easier to handle it after this period of time for me. How's your Gram?

Becky, I agree about using a walker to give you some added confidence. It may help at this point until they can determine what they are dealing with. Hope this weekend is a good one for you. Do you still have that wildlife getting into your gardens?

Laurie, that was a beautiful prayer message. It really does help to give support and serves like a comforting balm to a hurting heart. Thanks for being you.

[Mermaid Tears]

I, too, wish that our system of 'labeling' students was better...I do believe it is changing for the better....slow forward...but eyes are open now to the different ways we learn.....

  Shannon...your Trista and I would have been great school friends....I disliked Math....(and my Dad had a degree in Physics)..things were all 'A's' with add, subtract, multiply, divide and fractions....but I had a hostile attitude for Algebra..Calculus..Geometry...I kept telling my Dad and others....I would never have a use for those classes...and they were just wasting my time...

   and I was right....I am now married to Daniel...and he has a degree in Physics....so...if there is a call for a high Math or Physics answer....I simply hand it over to him....

  I saw a funny on FB the other day..it went something like this..."Gee, I haven't had a use today for Algebra"....

Yes...Trista and I are on the same page...

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....you are getting over your 'flu'....? There is a mean flu going around that is 'very mean'...it seems to hang on for so long...

   Yes...I wish I could send you some of our Winter weather we have here....we have had more 'cold' this winter than last year..but nothing like you have....

 I don't think I would make it that long....in your part....I have lived in South Texas too long to change now..

We just had freezing temps and rain...which made our roads ice over....a K'Zillion car wrecks everywhere...but it doesn't last...and today it will get up to around 65....then next week we are to have more freezing weather....

    A sweet friend of mine from my hometown..(in fact her Mom and my Mom were BFF)....she lost her son 4 years ago...and today is his birthday....so I posted what Laurie sent...the 'The first thing....' and now...I truly know how to reach out to someone...I now walk in her shoes....and I know just 'what to say' and 'what not to say'......

  years ago.....I was very hesitant and felt awkward in saying anything....we don't want a learning curve like that...but our eyes are so open now...we have a new 'eye' that wasn't there before....a knowing that wasn't there...

[mysonrich]

hello everyone, I am finally able to log- in after updating my password. Thank you Becky, Sherry, Lora, Dee, Kate, Shannon,  Wade, everyone that remembered Rich on his angelversary. I did hear from people on fb and a couple of his ( and my 2nd cousins) cousins that make a point of acknowledging Rich. Some, sadly, do not mention him. But you did and we do and that's the way life goes on sometimes.

 

I did catch up to a young man, an old friend of Rich. Funny how this young man is 26 now. I think him as I do Rich still. He had a picture of Rich. I know I mentioned this before, and I asked for a copy. I took a picture of a picture so the quality is poor but I don't care for the picture. Because, he looks scared. My mind tells me that of course he looks scared, he is on a rollercoaster, in poor lighting, coasters are scary. His friend has a big smile on his face so I talk to myself and have to adjust my frame of mind. Would I feel the same way if Rich were alive? Probably not. So, that is that.

 

You may find my next request of no consequence, but I feel this is very important.  While snowed in last week I was watching an episode of  the Young and the Restless. I started watching this soap when my kids were babies and and I was home for close to 5 years. On this episode, among the weddings and birth and murder and affairs there is a death of a young child. I didn't watch for a few years, all I know is that this child is " Billys" little girl. During this episode the cast of characters were worried about Billy and his adjustment to his daughters death etc...its TV. But, Victoria Newman, Billys wife, was putting down his online grief support. I know how silly this is but this show reaches thousands of people a day and I believe they are delivering the wrong message. Akin to a creepy web-site full of strangers wishing to do others harm. We, the Indigos here know different. So, I wrote to them and I'm asking you fine people to write to the show. Let them know this message is not correct and possibly harming. Thanks. ( off soap box ) http://www.cbs.com/feedback

 

 

 

 

Karen; Mom of Geoff, Nicks Dad, Jan; Mom to Meghan, others I may have missed in the past few weeks. I am so sorry that you are here. I read when I can but can not always respond. Remember, you are not alone.

 Lora, I visit Island Beach State Park for day trips. Longer visits I travel to Wildwood/Cape May area. Also, OBX and Virginia Beach once or twice.

 

Going to catch up on reading the posts here now. Thinking of you all. I have the phone but had a PW issues and fear I may go blind typing on that a lot.

 

Rich is with us. Off and on, he is.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I hope the person, without any snow or ice on the roadway, felt stupid as they crashed into the adopt a highway sign with Jared's name and picture on it, which warns drivers to SLOW DOWN, not to drink and drive, not to text and drive, and to be on the lookout for pedestrians.

 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Becky,

That's awful. I wish people would take the privilege of driving more seriously. And of all things... to hit Jared's sign. Trista did not have her driver's license by choice. She wanted to wait until she was 18 years old and an 'adult'. She understood how serious it was. Yet, she was taken from me by someone else's inattention. I wish people would realize that every time they get behind the wheel they are not only taking their own lives into their hands but the lives of everyone they may meet on the road.

Betsy,

Good to see your post. I'm glad you're able to log back on now. I'm glad you had some close to you remember Rich on his angelversary. I will write a letter to the network for sure. It's funny you brought that up. My Grams is addicted to that same soap and she mentioned the same thing as she knows how important this site and this community has become to me.

Susan,

I want to share a picture. This was a 'joke' between Tris and I when she was completely frustrated with algebra.

[mysonrich]

Becky, I have one word for that driver. I just can't say it on this site.

 

Shannon, thanks. Also good that your Gram noticed it as well. BTW, I probably never said this but every time I look at Tristas picture I think of Tinker Bell. She is such a petite young lady with such a sweet smile.

[ericasmom]

http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/Illinois-Speedskater-Emery-Lehman-Olympic-Sendoff-240870311.html

 

Here is a nice newscast about Emery Lehman from Oak Park, Illinois, a former Lincoln School Student on his way to Sochi.

 

Becky, holy cow, wake-up call. Maybe in that instance, Jared's sign saved a life.

 

Betsy, so good to see you today. Love the way you let the folks at the soap-opera know, I will do the same. I have not watched those in about 20 years, but dang if it isn't funny that some of the names are still the same?

 

Kate, my Daughter fought tooth and nail to not be called LD and hated me at times for trying to make sure she was seen by the specialists. That is where she and I differed so much, I would have loved someone trying to help me learn in a new way since none of the ways the others were learning worked for me...Maybe though, Eri knew she was not going to need all of it. I learned how to learn as a teen adn continued then into my adulthood to really learn. I needed to hear it, see it, take notes, and reread them to get anything to longterm memory. Processing issues and a definite reading disability. My math was so low that it kept me from continuing past community college, I was too embarassed to fail again at that point. So I went back after I had two kids and they were in 3rd and 5th grades when I returned to college. It was wonderful. It is never too late to learn new things and my lifelong dream of being a teacher in elementary was fulfilled. I went on and also worked on my Masters while teaching. I would love to take more classes, but it is expensive and in this time of my life, I am busy enough.

AS a teacher, conferences are coming up, I have several parents who will need to ask me if their child might have learning issues. We are no longer able to suggest it as that makes the school obliged to test which is a lengthy and costly endeavor. So I have a few kids with an IEP, but I have 4 that I am sure have issues beyond just needing to adjust this and adjust that, there are kids with some severe learning issues some due to early trauma, some due to learning problems, but my hands are tied in what I am able to say. I have 4 kids who should be tested.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, I am horrified that someone would sink so low! Right now you must take care of yourself and not allow others to push your buttons...try as they may.

Holding everyone close. Love to all, Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Betsy, for your son Rich's angelversary...know it is belated...(bad week last week)
 

 
*Poem is unknown author

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Dee, We are looking forward to watching the Games. It's always nice to be able to cheer someone on. Hope he does well.

[daveydow1]

I'm soooo  behind on posting......well, here goes.

 

Mimi2u----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear little granddaughter.  My baby, Lisa....age 6 mo.

died years ago. I hope that you can come back to this site......everyone understands the

sorrow and pain losing a child.  Peace to you.

 

 

Susan-----Thanks for your warm wishes for my mom's birthday, and I forgot to say thanks for your

post about my dove pic...which you called the "Lonesome Dove".  After you posted that, it brought

back memories of that great mini-series..."Lonesome Dove" which was set in your home state of Texas...

in the beginning of the series, and in the end too.  Also, thanks for posting the saying about how

we are all searching for our dear beloved children who left this world too soon. We will certainly see

them again someday.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Wade------Your post brought back thoughts of my son's funeral, and he, too, wore a shirt, tie, and

jacket belonging to my husband.  My husband never again wore the new suit he bought for the funeral.....he

donated it to charity. I think that putting a hummingbird feeder at Brookes' site will be a nice thing to do.

It will bring the beauty of nature  closer & honor your dear son.  Thanks for the pics.

 

Laurie----thank you for posting about the flock of swans. Lovely story.  Birds, and all of nature is

such a comfort as many Indigoes have expressed over the years.  the swans must have been a beautiful site.

 

Becky----So sorry that you fell again.  I like the message that you posted on  Facebook.  It is a valuable

and timely message for people to see.  I can't count the near misses we've had where someone was left

of center on the road......talking on their phone, or head down...posting.  Sending prayers.

 

Sophia----I'm sorry for your loss of your son, Josh.  I also lost my son, David, 10 yrs. ago, and as you say....

the pain is always there.  Please come back to this site  (BI---formerly called Beyond Indigo), and read/post

when you can.

 

Shannon------I can see how  you feel when see Trista's girlfriends. That old yearning ache.  I don't see any

of Dave's friends anymore......I guess they've all scattered to the wind.  Wishing you peace, friend.

 

 

PEACE    AND   TRANQUILITY   TO ALL INDIGOS

 

 

Davey&LISASMOM ,   Sherry 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sherry,

I just saw the picture of the dove. So nice. I love the watch the birds. There is a tree just outside my kitchen window that lately has been full of robins. Then we got these sub zero temps. I think they came back a little early. Poor things. Also thank you for thinking of my husband. He is doing much better. They were never able to figure out what was causing his pain but another round of very strong antibiotics seems to be doing the trick.

Betsy,

Thank you for your nice words about my Girl. It made me smile that you compared her to Tinkerbell. She is very tiny and she has always loved fairies.

Laurie,

I just saw your pictures of Jesse's fashion statement. Love it.

Debbie,

How are you?

I'm having a rough night tonight. I'm trying to stay busy. It's just been a hard day.

Here are a couple of pictures I found that Trista had drawn when she was little. She drew herself as an angel a lot. I don't think I've shared these before but if I have, forgive me. My memory is terrible.