Loss of an Adult Child

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I just finished reading all the posts...wanted to say thanks to each one of you...for there is no one in my life that is able to walk with me through this grief journey like all of you...

So thank you...sending a virtual hug...

Jesse Christmas 2005 with Lily (poodle) and Teko (chihuahua)

[Mermaid Tears]

Well...it may not be the best...and it may not be the merriest....but....I....and the 'we' of our family have to "believe"....for we have our Pebbie...and for my Pebbie...I believe that Santa is flying among the stars and stopping at all the homes of all little boys and girls....

and John David is right beside us as we 'believe'....

soon...Wyatt John will have us 'believing, too'....

so...we better watch out...we better not pout...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...love that photo of Jesse David....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Susan,

I am believing. I have to believe. I hope your little ones have a wonderful Christmas.

Aiden with his gingerbread for Santa and his carrots for the reindeer

Tris and Aiden last Christmas Eve

I want to thank all of you for being here. This family means more to me than words can say.

Love, Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

I love that picture of Jesse too. He looks so happy. Those spur of the moment, completely at ease pictures are the best.

Thinking of you.

Love, Shannon

[ericasmom]

Goodnight All, dream and sleep sweetly, thinking of those special good memories. Thanks Kate for that reminder to think of one very special time.

Wade, your Boy is always a part of you, and you, him.

We carry our Children everywhere we go. Shannon, you are doing your best and your best is very very wonderful. Zac understands your sadness, he has his share of it and recognizes yours, little Aidan is plain excited adn it sounds like with cookies in the oven, canned cheese on the crackers, that you have covered a lot of ground Girl. Get some rest.

Susan, yep, I can hear the bells of Christmas, never too old to believe.

Sandy, so good to see you here tonight. I am sorry that you haven't time iwth the little ones, but glad as can be that you will and soon.

Peace to All,

Love to you Each.

[wgreenlee]

Thinking of everyone right now...know the feelings you all must be going through...hopefully some good...and then some not so good. Had to do something so I wrote this poem from Brooks' to his friends. His friends have been so good...they have been sending me messages and many have visited Brooks tonight or will tomorrow. Thank you God for that peace. I was afraid of leaving him, but he is truly never going to be alone.

I know that peace will be hard to find tomorrow, but peace is what I know God will give us. I am faithful Lord, so please answer that prayer. Just some peace and the feeling of our child next to us as we remember Jesus birth. Our children are with you now, but please let them be with us a little tomorrow.

To My Friends…From Brooks

I know it’s hard to believe

In this poem of mine

That I find it very hard

To spin the right words to rhyme

The amazing gift God gave me

Of so many friends who cared

Through all days dark or bright

And the love they freely shared

Music was my passion

But friends were all my life

The reason for my smile

A cure for all my strife

You always make me smile

And my days so very bright

And when I lose my way

You find me in the night

So I just wanted to say

I love you so so much

And I hope you never leave me

Promise me to stay in touch

Hard to find all the right words

To write something for you all

Your friendship meant so much to me

But now this is my call

So I tell you straight right now

Exactly what I need to say

To show you how much I appreciate

You being there everyday

You're worth more than anything

All the gold that I could give

My rap will say it all

Of how you all should live

Play hard, live hard, love hard

Be cool, always on your guard

Don’t be afraid, take life by the horns

Let others always know your name

Never relent, stay true to you talent

Give a lot but say a little

Your actions will show that you’re not second fiddle

Friend is a word not to be used lightly

So in your life make sure it’s used rightly

Be respectful, never uneventful, not resentful

But always thoroughly thoughtful

Be who you are, no matter what happens

If you do you’ll be known by your actions

And at the end like me you’ll say

God thank you for coming to meet me half-way

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Wade for your poem. What a nice Christmas present. Laurie, thank you for your candle and that is such a nice picture of Jesse. Shannon, Aidan looks so pumped...no doubt ready for the big day! Love his jammies. My biggest memory of Jeff at Christmas is the fact that he would not go to bed on Christmas Eve when he was quite young. It was murder trying to put his things out from Santa. Try as we may he always snuck down the stairs to check things out. I had to pray that I would wake up and be able to get the things out before he finally got up. Eventually he started to unwrap the presents from the family and try to put them back together using a wad of tape. Those were the days before gift bags. As if we wouldn't know. Oh, how he loved Christmas.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thank you to all. Dee, you are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story and Eri's story. It helps so much.

Wade, Thank you for that poem. It's beautiful.

Kate,

Thank you for sharing yourself and your journey. Jeff is smiling. I have similar memories of Trista. She loved Christmas so much.

Wanda, I read the article. I'm saddened by loss the loss of the journalist. I hope your trip with your daughter brings good memories. I know you both miss Lane so much.

Sam's Mom: Debbie and Steve's Mom, I'm thinking of you both.

Lora, Laurie, Becky, Gretchen, Sandy, Carol, Sherry, Jan, Jr's Mom, and anyone I didn't mention I'm thinking of you. It's late and my mind is a mess but I am thinking of my family here and hoping for some sense of Peace. Merry Christmas to ALL.

Trista,

Spending time with your friends is nice. I am able to connect with you in a way I couldn't if they didn't share with me. They share "all" with me. No matter what they have shared, I have remained proud. You were a seventeen year old Girl who was discovering who she was and who she wanted to be. You stayed true to yourself. You changed lives. You were not "perfect" but just like the story that I wrote for you when you where little, You were "Perfectly Trista". Thank you, My Love, for being you. Thank you for being Mine. I love you, Trista. Love, Mom

[SamDsmom]

I don't have many words this morning. Just wanted to connect and tell you all that I am thinking of you as we share in each others pain. Thank you all.

Debbie

[shorty16]

Merry Christmas my friends.

Our angels are with us today.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[ericasmom]

And so this is Christmas...

With love and hope for All.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thinking of everyone today. Debbie, I love the pictures you shared. I'm having a hard time. I was so busy leading up to today. Now the boys have opened their gifts and everything has settles. My anxiety is intense. I kind of expected this. I even took my "emergency" anxiety meds last night and today. I don't take it daily because it makes me kind of loopy but that's not even touching this. I tried a nap but can't settle my nerves enough.

Shannon

[wgreenlee]

Merry Christmas to all...will be thinking of everyone all day as we travel. Seemed like a good day to be on the road. Be good to yourselves...

Merry Christmas, Brooks....love, Dad!

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of everyone today. Debbie, I love the pictures you shared. I'm having a hard time. I was so busy leading up to today. Now the boys have opened their gifts and everything has settles. My anxiety is intense. I kind of expected this. I even took my "emergency" anxiety meds last night and today. I don't take it daily because it makes me kind of loopy but that's not even touching this. I tried a nap but can't settle my nerves enough.

Shannon

Can you wrap yourself up in a warm throw? I have found that by going by a heat source, ie...electric blanket, woodstove or my heater that it helps to bring down an anxiety attack...also some warm tea?

Know how this can be...been to the point in anxiety attacks where I actually will vomit...

Today is also a Wednesday so double whammy for me...

[Sholl1955]

Shannon, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Anxiety attacks are awful and you have been under so much stress. Not only are you adjusting to losing your precious child, but you have other children to care for. That is so very hard. I think you have done an amazing job! Sometimes after the stress filled days are past, that is when the anxiety attacks hit. Our bodies are telling us it is time to take care of ourselves. You have done a good job mama, it is now time to take care of you. Maybe a warm shower, a cup of warm tea in a comfy chair will help. Talking sometimes helps too. We are here for you, and we understand. Sandy

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thanks Laurie. That's pretty much where I was. I did end up getting sick. The boys and my husband had all fallen asleep and the silence was too much. I'm still shaky but doing better. I'm going stay wrapped up on the couch as much as possible. I have some family here but they are understanding. I'm so sorry today was really hard for you too. I'm thinking of you tonight.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thank you so much, Sandy. I'm going to just try to rest and take it easy. It helps so much to know everyone here gets it.

Wade, safe travels for you and Renae.

[mybeautifulgirl]

Maryanne, thanks for sharing, I imagine that your Momma saw the sweet face of your Handsome kind son as she took his had in her flight Heavenward. Eri's Dad, my exhusband, died 5 years after ERi did, I know he saw her as he was leaving, having been without words or eye contact that last day, (leukemia) he suddenly opened his eyes and smiled, the sky turned pink and we had his bed by the window so he would see her. The sky had been leaden gray all day and right before sundown that day in late March, she came in a burst of pink.

Yes, I do feel that they are all having a wonderful time in their new home, it does not make it easier but it does soften the worry we sometimes have over our young ones, are they okay and did they suffer? Eri's car was hit by an Amtrak. She died 6 days later never awake and on life support. She was 19. This is our 10th Christmas without her. Hard to believe. She is the strength in each day adn I talk to her all the time. Probably always will.

Thank you for the work you do, I so agree, nobody should be in more pain than necessary in hospital.

Peace Dear, and solace knowing that one day you will also see your Sweet Boy again,

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Debbie, thank you for sharing pics of your handsome boy...

My beautifulgirl, how are you hanging on?

MaryAnn, thinking of you and your boy Steve...know you miss him

Wanda, hope you and your daughter are able to get some comfort away from home...there have been times when I wondered if getting away just for awhile would be helpful...

Becky, how did the MRI go?

Wade, have a safe time traveling, prayers for travel mercies...beautiful poem...

Saying aloud names tonight for the heavenly Father to hear...

Lora, Gretchen, Colleen, Sherry, Carol, Trudi, Greg, Kate, Susan, Betsy, JR's mom, Dee, and so many others that visit here, may a special grace be placed on us as we finish this day....

[mybeautifulgirl]

Hello everyone here,

I hope you are all my friends as I seem to be destroying all relationships !

Yesterday(Christmas Day) was extremely difficult ! I cried, sobbed most of the time. I said to my family that "I have nothing to live for" and they were all offended and hurt by my words.

They don't understand my loss I'm sure. This is so difficult.

I seem to need them more then ever but they think I should be "over it".

I hope everyone here had a peaceful day.

[Steve s mom]

Mybeautifulgirl everyone here is your friend I understand what your saying i also feel as if I have nothing to live for also don't listen to those who just don't understand they have never been where you are

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie...love that photo of Jesse David....

Thank you...wishing you a wonderful family time...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Hello everyone here,

I hope you are all my friends as I seem to be destroying all relationships !

Yesterday(Christmas Day) was extremely difficult ! I cried, sobbed most of the time. I said to my family that "I have nothing to live for" and they were all offended and hurt by my words.

They don't understand my loss I'm sure. This is so difficult.

I seem to need them more then ever but they think I should be "over it".

I hope everyone here had a peaceful day.

I am truly sorry your family did not give you the love and support needed during this time...

However, I offer you a hug this evening....it is a hard, hard journey...we never forget our children...they are forever ours....

[mikesmomrs]

hello everyone Just stopping by to say hello at the end of this Christmas Day. I've thought of all of you often today, as there have been many times throughout the day when my mind has wandered to what is not anymore... The presence of our son, and now the presence of my beloved husband, no longer here on earth enjoying this beautiful season and holiday with us. I know they are both with me and with all of us, I know I will see them again... This keeps me going... Sadness can be overwhelming, but the memories that are so sweet, such blessed gifts, rise to the surface and bring me back to where I can smile and understand that I need the joy of the new memories being made. One of our new traditions, created by one of our grandsons last year, our first year without his papa, and 7th without his uncle... While I was thinking out loud about what we would do for Christmas Day dinner, he smiled and said "let's have Chinese food, in memory of Papa." Our family has long been a fan of the movie "A Christmas Story," which ends with the family all alone in a Chinese restaurant on Christmas Day after their Christmas dinner at home is destroyed by an invasion of their neighbors' dogs. We all smiled at his suggestion, and I looked at them all as they waited for my answer and I smiled and said "why not?" Why not. And we did. It was very very different. We know that both young Mike and my husband their dad and Papa, would have loved it. We felt them near as we sat down to eat. And this year, as we talked about our Christmas plans, Jameson reminded us of what we did last year. And so I suggested we make it a new tradition... And so we have. As I cleaned up this evening after our dinner, I thought out loud "Wow! dad and Mike really would have loved this." And as I go forward, trying day to day to bring sunshine, joy and new memories into our lives I will remember this and try to be sure we won't say "they would have loved this," when speaking of our get togethers, but instead have them be saying "isn't this fun!" I know there are many here who are new to this journey and during this holiday, the sadness and sense of loss you all feel can be so overwhelming. Seven years ago my husband and I were at that first Christmas without our son. It was a place neither of us wanted to be, but we helped each other through it and everyone here helped each other through it, just as you all are doing now. I, along with many here, if not all, have always believed that our angels have led us here because they know that "here" is a soft place to land..."here" is a comforting place to be, and I am so thankful for everyone here.

Much wisdom, love, comfort, support, and most of all understanding from everyone for everyone is found here and for this I am so very very grateful.

I pray you have all found some moments of joy today, had a memory that wrapped itself around you and brought you comfort. Sending my love to all.

[Mermaid Tears]

thinking of everyone....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I, along with many here, if not all, have always believed that our angels have led us here because they know that "here" is a soft place to land..."here" is a comforting place to be, and I am so thankful for everyone here.

Thank you Carol for your words of comfort to us all here....I do believe what you wrote is true...

[Mermaid Tears]

Carol....applause for you leading your loved ones to new traditions...being the first in line to be a leader...many of us are still 'The Keeper of the Springs' for our families....and while we bridge the 'yesterday and today'....(for many of us have posted it is like having one foot in one life...a foot in another)....we have to know how loved ones do grieve...maybe not like the parent...but their grief is just as real...and they do need to have that permission to go forward...as one parent posted on here...'I am not leaving you behind..I am carrying you with me'...and we have to be the one in front waving the flag...to march on.

I am smiling from my heart for you.....Daniel was watching that movie in our bedroom a couple of days before Christmas day....I was in the living area...wrapping packages watching TV there...and the thought entered my mind...'a family has to have a dash of bravery to go outside their box when something happens to squash their traditional plans'....and I think Chinese dinner is a simply that....and I bet ya'll had lots of laughter around the table.

Many of us have not had the 'healing hands of time' to work their sweet softening on our pain...our shattered hearts....but I know and have faith..and the gift of grace...it will.

I do believe we are very, very brave parents...and we, too, shall march forward....

this grief journey has such a slippery slope...where we can either become bitter or better....for me...right now...I have days of better....moments of bitter...

then...I will have days of bitter...moments of better...

My John David would never have allowed me to 'give up'....for any tragedy...

[ericasmom]

Carol, so good to see you here and to know that your family gathered round the table over Chinese food as a new tradition. I do feel that developing new traditions are a lesson in strength, we find we CAN do this but that we may need to change it up and in doing so, the lessons of strength are handed to each around the table. What a great way for your Grandies to know that they are the torch carriers in the family, helping lead the way through the days and nights. You are such a source of love and strength for them Carol, you always have been and they have learned well.

Peaceful day to All, breathe and move forward.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh look at the 'Diva in her Tutu'.....now isn't that enough sweetness in that face to give us enough

'sugar' for a year....another 'Future Miss America'....

thanks for sharing, Dee.....

"If you think my arms are full....you should see my heart"......

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

What a precious little sweetie! She made me smile this morning.

Carol,

Thank you for sharing with us, for your encouragement and hope.

My Beautiful Girl,

I'm sorry you had that experience with your family. Of course, we are all here for you and we get it. I have people who do support me but I find some things I just need to come here for because no matter how supportive people are I know they can't truly understand the way you all do. I hope you're able to find some time to rest and that you're taking good care of yourself.

This was such a hard thing. I am breathing just a little easier today now that it is over. I was not quite prepared for the 'crash' that came yesterday. It helped to be able to come here and just write about it and to have responses of encouragement. I'm so thankful for you all. I took the advice of Laurie and Sandy, and just took it easy. I spent most of the afternoon and evening wrapped in a blanket sipping ginger ale. I slept A LOT. I didn't wake up until 11:30 this morning and I know I was just completely exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My Grandma came today and is staying until after the New Year and my husband will be home as well. I did (maybe overdid) all I could do for everyone this Christmas and now I can rest. I'm thankful that I have people who can give me that time right now.

One nice thing is that Trista's friends were here some over the holiday. I love their stories and the way they talk to me about the 'real' Trista. My daughter was a beautiful, amazing, loving, compassionate Girl. She was also a 17 year old Girl and I love to hear the stories that I may not ever get to hear otherwise. These are things my Sister waited to share with my Grandma until we knew we wouldn't get grounded. Like the time they all snuck out and took a golf cart ride in the middle of then night in their jammies. I love to hear those stories.

I hope everyone found some sort of peace and comfort and I'm wishing peace today for all of us.

[Guest]

.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora...I am so happy that you and your son had a Christmas Chinese dinner !! It shows that when we either have a 'need' or a 'push' to think out of the box...something good comes out of it.

I can ...and many on this site...relate to that feeling from a parent...that someone thought of our child...and gave them 'lights of remembrance'....thank you....you are just the one to do something like that....

we don't want to be defined by the death of our child...but defined for the good of our child...and random acts of kindness is one way to show it.

Shannon...I guess I missed some posts....but so understand....I woke up this morning with no gifts to buy...or wrap...or put in the mail...no lists to check off...no grocery trip...no baking..or chopping or mixing...no table to decorate..or plates to get out...I didn't have to put on my make-up and my 'stage act'....it is Showtime....greet guests and family...chat...laugh...talk...hold it together....have cheer and pour the wine.....

Hunter Bear told me that I didn't seem as sad this year....

I put on a good act...but that is the 'why'....

but.....I had my good

Christmas Cry....this morning.

It is time for you...and many on this site to know we did a great job of 'creating sweet Christmas memories' for our family....and that is the way it should be.

A pat on the back for all of us. I do believe we are very, very brave parents.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....how is the situation with your nephew and the intervention ? Just want you to know I am thinking of you and yours.

[SamDsmom]

Don't really feel like talking about yesterday yet. Just wanted to say we also had Chinese yesterday. We even talked about the Christmas Story scene. How funny. Thinking of everyone.

Debbie

[mysonrich]

Well hello everyone, l''ve had some connection problems . I''ve been thinking of our children, this Christmas may be our first , may be our 20.th . Year missing their sweet faces

It isn't easy but we plod through. Some yecars better . Different device

Haha. Don't mind the typos. Couple bad days but ok now.

Pictures of our last Christmas with Rich did me in

5 years 01/18/14

Had a quiet day and prepared dinner for me and Sarah

Thinking of our angle s. Will learn to type better .om this soon

[ericasmom]

Now all I want to eat is Chinese food after the many of you who enjoyed that last evening. Debbie, you talk when you want to, just glad to see you out there.

Shannon, as Susan has said and many of us have said along the way, we are very brave, anyone who lives one day beyond their child is made to be brave even when you don't feel you are. We are. You did well with Christmas and it is time to rest now.

Susan, perhaps that Hunter Bear is sensing something more about your sadness level, maybe he is seeing your ability now to be flexible in your grief. You can juggle and do backflips and pour the wine and smile with tears behind it all, allowing some of that to shine through too. We learn to move and have some confidence in our movements as we go. Cheers to you. Thanks for asking of my nephew...well let's say his Dad doesn't think it is in Matt's best interest to have an intervention and has gotten in the way of all the siblings to help. He has been snarky and mean, he is somehow thinking that he is protecting Matt, but I do believe he is doing the opposite. My sis is so sad, I am worried for sure, we all are.

Becky, how are you feeling? Have you gone back to the doctor to find out why you have been dizzy? Prayers.

Betsy, you are typing on something new I assume? Is it a gift? I hope you and Sarah enjoy the time together and that the essence of Rich surrounds you Both.

[daveydow1]

Hello to all INDIGOS. So glad to see everyone and read your posts. As usual, I'm behind, but glad to be back after not being able to connect to BI. I'm sorry to see new people here. I just lost a long post......GRRRRrrrrrrrr. This new computer, and operating system has been a real challenge, so now that the holidays are behind us for another year, I hope to get down to business in learning to navigate it, and all the differences and glitches that I run into. Wishing PEACE & BLESSINGS TO ALL. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry to

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sherry,

So good to see you. How was your holiday? I have the same problems with my computer. Sometimes I hit enter and instead of going to a new line it makes a post. I think it has something to do with "sticky keys" whatever that is.

Thank you, Dee. I have a hard time with rest. I always have to have something to be focusing on. My meditation is helping with that but it's hard. I think I missed the post about your nephew. I'm so sorry to hear this. Addiction is such a hard thing but so many families are effected by it. His Dad sounds so much like my husband's Mother. I finally had to do what I knew needed done... against her wishes. It was hard.

Susan,

Yes, that is exactly how it was for me once everything was over. This is a hard journey and yes, we are brave. We have to be. Thank you. I'm thinking of you. Your words always help.

Debbie,

I'm sending prayers for comfort. I think of you and Sam often.

It was an emotional day. Instead of rewriting it all I will share my facebook post for today. I needed my friends in the community to know that 'it's not over'.

Tonight my Grandma and I made our trip to the cemetery to take a walk and spend some time in silence. After that we went to Trista's Angel spot (my softer name for the place where my Daughter died). We keep flowers there and other things to honor her. We were told by the women who live there and the owners of the property that we can do that for now and forever... as long as we need. We will do this until things are changed at that intersection. I had called a cease fire in this 'fight' for the holidays. I needed to focus on Peace for awhile. We stood together at that intersection... praying silent prayers for our Angel. We sang Silent Night, Trista's favorite since she was a little Girl. As we stood the cars flew past. Some had to be going 70 to 80 mph. None paid any attention to yellow flashing lights or the 35 mph warning signs. None paid any attention to the two women with tear streaked faces, singing to the beautiful Child who died there. This intersection needs to be fixed before anyone else dies. What they have done to "fix" it has done nothing to make it better and in my opinion, has made it worse. The holiday cease fire is over. I will not stop until changes are made.

[Guest]

.

[Mermaid Tears]

My son, Jesse, said..'If Mom can make it...we all can'....

[SamDsmom]

Dee, I can so relate about your nephew. My daughter made a scene during our candlelighting for Sam. We had an impromptu intervention of sorts on Christmas day. I won't go into it but it didn't go well. I have had grandchildren with me since so I haven't really had a chance to sort through my feelings about anything to do with Sam or that situation.

I did get to go down to the little memorial that Sam's friends made by the railroad tracks. It was very emotional. For the first time since Sam died I asked God to send me a sign, some sort of comfort. I did get a little peace last night.

Shannon,

It is exhausting. I have find that there had been so much to focus on and stay brave for that as I get ready to send the kids home I have a knawing sense of dread and anxiety. They are so good. Sometimes if I start crying out get quiet, one of them will put a little hand in my shoulder.

Jan, I understand about the family. My mom texted me Merry Christmas. When I told her we were in town. She said something about my dad having a little virus. I told her I understood and hoped they had a great day. I won't hear from her agsin for awhile. It's okay because it's better than any possible drama by setting them.

Lora, Becky, Susan, Laurie, Dee...Thank you for being on so much the last few days. Your experience helps so much.

Debbie

[SamDsmom]

A few pictures of a couple of my babies.

[shorty16]

Hello friends,

It seems some of us have family drama. My Dad called me Christmas Morning, the first time in well over 6 years. He left a message, I did not have my phone on me.

My mother died 4 months before my son, Brian. We were very close, but that was not always the case.

After Brian's death, these petty disagreements meant nothing to me. Those that wanted to continue with the petty disagreements were put on the periphery of my life.

This has served me well these 5.5 years since Brian left us.

Others, not blood relative, stepped into the center of my life. How funny that happens.

Love to you all. I love you for who you are now,

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4 ever

[Steve s mom]

A poem I just came acroos i didnt write it so i credited the author below

If we are fortunate,

we are given a warning.

If not,

there is only the sudden horror,

the wrench of being torn apart;

of being reminded

that nothing is permanent,

not even the ones we love,

the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.

We are all dancing

on the edge of a precipice,

a dizzying cliff so high

we can't see the bottom.

One by one,

we lose those we love most

into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them

without reservation.

Now.

Today.

This minute.

We will lose them

or they will lose us

someday.

This is certain.

There is no time for bickering.

And their loss

will leave a great pit in our hearts;

a pit we struggle to avoid

during the day

and fall into at night.

Some,

unable to accept this loss,

unable to determine

the worth of life without them,

jump into that black pit

spiritually or physically,

hoping to find them there.

And some survive

the shock,

the denial,

the horror,

the bargaining,

the barren, empty aching,

the unanswered prayers,

the sleepless nights

when their breath is crushed

under the weight of silence

and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,

like a flower opening after a storm,

they slowly begin to remember

the one they lost

in a different way...

The laughter,

the irrepressible spirit,

the generous heart,

the way their smile made them feel,

the encouragement they gave

even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit

with other memories

the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.

We will always cry.

But with loving reflection

more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.

That is how the story should end.

That is how they would want it to be.

- Mark Rickerby

[SamDsmom]

Colleen,

I agree completely. It doesn't really bother me when this kind of thing happens like with my parents any more. They really weren't the best grandparents to my kids. I am not angry. I feel bad because I think a lot of times like in my case, some people can't deal with the guilt so it is easier just to avoid. I have found more love and support here than with any of my biological family.

Debbie

[hoosiermom]

Hello Indigos

Family drama, yep I know that too. My sister (world champion grudge holder) became upset with me last summer and has refused to speak to me ever since. She didn't attend my granddaughter's first birthday, didn't even acknowledge it.

She is my only sibling and we have always been close, but I look at the world differently since I lost my daughter. I don't have the time or energy to devote to negativity. I spend my time looking for the light, because the darkness is always nipping at my heels.

Sending you all love and light, Jenn

[ericasmom]

MaryAnne, I love that poem, and that is how many of us feel that have walked long enough on this road to have gotten to this point of sweet remembering, magical and renewing thoughts that are of our Sweet Angels, the ways that their love feels. This in my feelings, is the only permanent entity, the love we have and have received with our Children. That never goes away. Thank God.

Col, yep, those on the peripheral are there for reasons that they need to own.

Jenn, I am sorry that your Sister is so indifferent, what makes a person turn the other way? They just can't get next to our ache, so they walk away. It is sad but we find ourselves reaching out here adn receiving and giving well beyond what many family members can handle. Holding your hand.

Debbie, what sweet little Loves your Grandies are. I am sorry that the intervention planned did not go well, ours did not happen at all as my Sis and her husband did not feel Matt was up to it. REALLY? I know that their fear is keeping them in this place with him, but it is enabling him to continue. He is an adult however, so there is no forcing anything on him. God help Matt find a clean life and a way to find his spirit again here on Earth.

[Mermaid Tears]

Debbie...we on this site understands the 'absence of a presence' even surrounded by those 'pink and giggles' you are so blessed with....I just wish I could push through the screen and give them a hug....each has a unique 'cuteness'....and I, too, have been blessed to have that little hand placed on my shoulder by GRANDchildren....and just that little hand had a huge comfort...those are those little and priceless moments.

I can just imagine the enormous emotion that welled up in your heart at the Angel place...what a circle of loving friends....once again ...that is a blessing...and you cannot fathom their grief...it takes a certain kind of person to pull the strings to a teen's heart...to get them to relay what they are feeling....so....they create this memorial.....

Remember....love is a 'verb'.....and by their 'actions' ..they are showing their love.

You have so much on your plate...and we hope that by being with the 'simple and genuine' love from the grandkids...you have had some comfort and peace.That is the good stuff.

Colleen....thanks for sharing....I remember when I turned the corner in one 'lesson in life'....I realized there are people that are simply....'angry...mad at the world...can hold a grievance til eternity....bitter..hateful...and mean...just plain mean'.....by that I don't put them in a category that they would 'shoot-kill-murder'....no....but they are the ones that if a fellow man/woman should fall....they would put a foot to them....not a hand up....they are the ones that if you have a wound they will put salt on it....not a healing balm.....they will 'hate' you if good fortune comes your way....and if you have a down fall....they will be the first to say...'you deserve it'....

and many like that are in our families....and I 'learned' that I could not make them happy...or could I help them....or turn them around to be happy people....

those are the ones...you simply have to...'let go'....

it's hard to let people go that are in your family....so....I just walk a 'very large circle' around them...and let them be...and leave them alone.

[Guest]

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