Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Last Christmas with family....2011.....with my sister....of course...his 'rabbit ears'....

I don't even want to think about holidays this year....last year was so ...so...hard...

[Mermaid Tears]

Wanda.....your Lane seems to be someone that could walk in my house and we would be 'friends' and comfortable with....in minutes....he would just fit right in....for he just seems to be friends with the whole world...and so at home with himself. Of course...for a person to have that persona....he has had to have so much love 'in and around' him all his life.....that the whole world is his 'oyster' so to speak. He has the kind of smile one can wear all day....and never get tired of smiling at everyone you meet and giving a 'smile away'...to all. He has a layer and a cloth of kindness and goodness.....that comes from having a very...very...loving family....from having a Mama that poured love in his glass every, every morning. I just wish I had answers for all the grief....but I promise you...if I ever get a break through...you will be one of the first to hear. Peace to you....and I will be with you on this journey.

[wgreenlee]

Love the pictures. Gives me the courage to look at more of Brooks' stuff. Gonna upload a song he sang to Shauna a few days before his Angel date. Finally was able to listen to it all thanks to you guys. It's an Al Green song and Brooks is trying to sound like him.

Beautiful day here in Carson. Visited Brooks and read some more to him. Remembering all the things that Brooks and I had talked about him doing. Some are just little things like reading certain books. We both loved the fantasy novels with magicians, etc. We kinda had our own little book club... Or watching the "Walking Dead." New season next weekend and I'm not sure if I want to watch... I started watching last season and Brooks was so patient in explaining everything that had happened before. I guess I'll make that decision next weekend... Little things...but now so much a part of my thinking each day.

Met a few more people today that didn't know about Brooks' death. Wish I could fast forward a little, even though I don't know if it will be any better.

Don't know what I would do if it wasn't for everyone's support here. Better weekend in some ways...not in others. Still really haven't accepted what happened and that bothers me. I still just want to call or text him to see if everything is going ok. And it seems so real that he would still be there. I guess that's the acceptance stage. When will I get there? Kinda funny but sometimes I think of something and just start bawling...and then other times I force myself to shake it off. Take deep breaths and expel like I'm in labor. Don't know why I do that.

Anyways, here's the upload.

Praying for good things tomorrow to happen for all of us. Keep us safe and protected Angels! We love and need you!

Wade

BCG Al Green Voxer.mp3

[lovU2themoon]

Wanda.....your Lane seems to be someone that could walk in my house and we would be 'friends' and comfortable with....in minutes....he would just fit right in....for he just seems to be friends with the whole world...and so at home with himself. Of course...for a person to have that persona....he has had to have so much love 'in and around' him all his life.....that the whole world is his 'oyster' so to speak. He has the kind of smile one can wear all day....and never get tired of smiling at everyone you meet and giving a 'smile away'...to all. He has a layer and a cloth of kindness and goodness.....that comes from having a very...very...loving family....from having a Mama that poured love in his glass every, every morning. I just wish I had answers for all the grief....but I promise you...if I ever get a break through...you will be one of the first to hear. Peace to you....and I will be with you on this journey.

Thank you for your kind words, he was a great kid, loved his mom and sister, we were a team, and so broken without him, he didn`t deserve to die. (none of our children did)

He had so much going on for him, including our love for him, which is why we are so broken.

He was always willing to help out anyone, (except the doggie doo) his room was clean, the day he died when i came home he was washing his bed sheets and his clothes, just to help me out.

I miss him so much...

If you do find the answers, please tell me...

Thank you for being with me on this journey, because it so dark, and painful, i could not do it alone..... and my daughter and i we are on this journey together, but sometimes i can`t help her with her grief, as mine is so deep....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Enjoying all of your pictures!!

Here is one of my favorites of Jared with his sister, Jasmine. I think he was about 12 or 13 in this picture.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...what a handsome SONshine boy you have....and I hear the background music singing..'Way too soon'....I see the little 'Warrior Guy' in him....that he must have inherited from him Mom....and all that makes up the 'Young Man' that will become the 'Fine Adult Man'....my sons, Jesse and Aaron were the big Skateboard guys...and their friends...hearing the click clack in my back yard was everyday music. I hear your cry...'he had all his life in front of him'....and it is beyond sad for a parent to have that empty room...and the shattered heart. All he was....he still is...I do believe that. I have nothing to offer but my hand in this journey...an ear to listen...and an understanding heart....from one mourning Mama to another. Peace be with you.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Becky...what a handsome SONshine boy you have....and I hear the background music singing..'Way too soon'....I see the little 'Warrior Guy' in him....that he must have inherited from him Mom....and all that makes up the 'Young Man' that will become the 'Fine Adult Man'....my sons, Jesse and Aaron were the big Skateboard guys...and their friends...hearing the click clack in my back yard was everyday music. I hear your cry...'he had all his life in front of him'....and it is beyond sad for a parent to have that empty room...and the shattered heart. All he was....he still is...I do believe that. I have nothing to offer but my hand in this journey...an ear to listen...and an understanding heart....from one mourning Mama to another. Peace be with you.

Thank you Susan! I had deleted the comments I put on with his sports pictures, that included this scream of "He had his whole life in front of him". I felt ashamed that I seem to have taken steps backward instead of forward, and thought nobody had read how low I was feeling. The leaves are falling today, as they were then, so many reminders...

Here are pictures I made today, created from one of the last pictures taken of him in August 2011, just two months before....

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...I, too, have those same emotions and question...myself....WHY do I travel backwards ?

I do believe...and this comes from my heart.....that this is a natural course for me to travel...back and back and back....but I think for me....I am picking up the pieces of my heart that were shattered..along the journey...maybe one day I pick up two....maybe another day I pick up one...put it in my 'mental basket'....the path that goes back ..goes a long, long way....for me...his 42 years....so...it will take time.....and then...one day....I will fashion a mosaic from all the shattered pieces and create something so very beautiful and worthy for my John David and I and our family....right now.....I am still in the picking up stage....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie...I see a persona of your boy in the independent...freedom loving...mavericks...that loved their freedom...and their land...mountains...fields...trees...and loved to use their hands...to fashion not only their lives...but to fashion something useful....and unique. Those are the ones that can take a 'something' and make it into a real 'something'.....they are always building...dreaming...seeing the 'what can be' instead of 'what is'. I can also see the kindness and sweetness ...the kind that can only come from one who knows his strength...but uses it wisely. I see one that has so much 'goodness' inside him....he naturally wants to share with others. I truly am so very sad....that he left his earth home...so early....and left his family....I wish I had answers.

Thank you so much for your kind words...and yes Jesse is the kind of person to take a something and make it into a real something...he was very caring with the elderly and hurting...he told me stories from people who were so eager to just have someone hear them again...like the story from an old man who shared what it was like during World War II as a teenager and how every thing was rationed...gas, sugar...but people knew the importance of sacrifice for a greater good...

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Becky, for me to have one place we as grieving parents can come to and share what the "real" journey is like... and share those intense "lows" going forward or how something triggers a memory; or worse, an intense replay of a certain scenes...

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It is a gift to give each other a place to sit and just "be" with our true feelings...and share the more difficult parts of this journey....so that we are not alone...in our world where we reside, who really is willing to listen to the ongoing grief emotions of child loss...

I believe it is quite natural to have those intense sad feelings continue...for those feelings are tied to our deep love for our child...

Also, I for one, do not have anyone to really share Jesse's first angelversary with...most around me do not seem to get the importance of going to his graveside and remembering...it has been a bit of a stinging hurt...his friends maybe remember him, but it would have been nice to have someone actually go there...he gave way too much to his friends for them not to stop by....

So the sharing this weekend here helped me for this insensitivity of others...

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Kate, Sherry, thinking of you today...

Also Gretchen...I really liked the last picture you had posted of the remote church...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Laurie, I know exactly what you mean. I posted my diary, and pics of the changes at the cemetery on Jared's FB page, and very few of his friends even acknowledged the date, much less visited at the gravesite. Very sad. There are some of his friends that private message me or have even stopped by our house to see how we are doing, but people for the most part, have just moved on.

Thank you Susan, I too feel like I am trying to pick up the pieces of my heart, and of the person I once was. I was a good person, loving and kind, and I am still that, but I feel like the "sadness" is like a cloak I wear, that scares people away. There are moments when I laugh, but not like before... My hubby was recently humming and smiling, and to him I commented "you're just entirely too happy", like it was a crime to be.

I find myself thinking, "alright, I have had enough of this now, time to rewind", meaning to rewind it all, back to before it happened, and NOT have it happen.

A lot of added pressure these last days, as my parents aren't able to care for themselves, and my sister and I are taking turns shopping, running them to appointments, cleaning, doing laundry, making meals,etc., and I am pretty exhausted from all of it. They live about 20 minutes away from me and my sister. I wish they were closer by, or that I had room to move them in here, although they do not want to leave their home.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Susan,

Thank you for your sweet words about my Trista Mae. It was a rough weekend, especially yesterday and coming here to see those words and the pictures of our Beautiful Children, helped get me through.

Wade,

In so many ways I still have not accepted that Trista is not coming home. I wait for her, keep my phone beside me at all times, and when it rings for a split second I think maybe... I can't tell you when that acceptance will come. I just wanted to share that you're not alone and it's still so new.

I don't have much time right now but I wish everyone peace and comfort today.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I read this this morning from Tom Zuba's facebook page. He works with people dealing with grief. He lost his wife, infant daughter, and teenage son at within years of each other. I thought I would share it.

Mourning Loudly.

I love the sound of that because it rings true.

Mourning Loudly.

And we always recognize truth whether we allow it in or not.

A part of our being

the part that IS truth

recognizes it.

Like a magnet.

You know I believe there is a new way to do grief.

There is.

The old way

which I have tried over and over and over

again

simply does not work.

The new way is your path to healing.

And it involves

mourning loudly.

The louder the better

and this goes against the grain

of everything

everything

you and I have been taught

and encouraged to do

and affirmed for doing

till now.

Stop.

Being strong.

Keeping busy.

Stuffing your feelings.

Holding it together.

Manning up.

Sucking it up.

Lying

to the world

but most importantly to yourself.

Stop.

Now.

Someone you love

dearly

died.

And the appropriate response

is to

kick

scream

shout

wail

throw things

(safely)

and foam at the mouth.

yes, foam at the mouth

even.

The appropriate response is

mourning loudly.

To get it all out.

But only if you want to heal.

Commit to Mourning Loudly.

Tom Zuba

[tobyfreefoot]

oh my i have missed everyone so. my computer has been out of commission. it will be a while before i get a chance to catch up. been thinking of you all.

oct 3, 2013

27 months ago today you left while i was sleeping. i didn't even know for more than 10 hours you were gone. what kind of mother is that? that day had a sort of hollowness to it until that sudden STOP tore my new life from my throat only to be silenced by the length of life itself.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

oh my i have missed everyone so. my computer has been out of commission. it will be a while before i get a chance to catch up. been thinking of you all.

oct 3, 2013

27 months ago today you left while i was sleeping. i didn't even know for more than 10 hours you were gone. what kind of mother is that? that day had a sort of hollowness to it until that sudden STOP tore my new life from my throat only to be silenced by the length of life itself.

Oh Gretchen! 24 months for me on this same date, October 3rd. I know, I have asked these same questions of myself, if only, if only, if only. We loved them, unconditionally, as mother's do, and they know how much we loved them and love them still.

I had left that night to go in town and take care of some fundraising for the football program,(three miles away) and snuck out without telling anyone other than my husband where I was going, as I knew that Jared would beg to go in town with me, and I didn't want to take him, as I had to get up early the following morning for my first day on a new job. My husband left shortly after I did to go to a class, and he did speak to Jared before he left, and asked if Jared needed a ride, and Jared told him "nah, that would be out of your way, I'm good". He was playing his video game at that time, about 20 minutes prior to the crash. He did call and talk to me, three minutes before he was killed, and I will always wonder why I didn't realize he was in danger. He just asked where I was, and when I told him he said "ah, you should have taken me with you, you know I always like to go in town". His tone of voice was playful, I told him he didn't need to go every night, and asked what he had been doing, and he answered "just playing on the computer". I said "well, continue that or get some work done (meaning homework), and I will be home soon. I lost the call, and thought maybe, since I told him to get his work done, that he may have hung up on me... I don't know if he did, and then rode out on his skateboard, or if he was already riding, but either way he was heading home, only 1/4 mile away from our driveway. Since the police did such a bang up job of an investigation, I will never know. They said he was not talking or texting at the time of the crash, but so much of that timeline is based on the lying driver, who they said DID get a text at the moment of the crash, but was not held responsible as they couldn't prove she was reading it!

I don't know if I will ever get all this "stuff" out of my head. I was thinking about it riding in town today, and still wondering who else I could have talked to, and what else I could have done as far as bringing justice for my son.

[Mermaid Tears]

We do keep 'time' in a different way now...we march to a back ground music no one hears but us...we waiver between the lines invisible...

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....thanks for sharing that poem....that guy nails it....and just the way I see mourning..

[Guest]

.

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Friends – it has been quite some time since I have been here but as always I keep you in my thoughts and prayers. When I am gone this amount of time it is hard to catch up although I do read the posts. I have been very busy at work trying to get everything in order so I can fly out to see my dad as he is still in the hospital and although doing better he will “never” be better. I had plans to fly out with my brother but he has a huge job starting this week that has to be finished by Christmas so he flew out on Thursday evening and came back Sunday. My dad was shocked and so unbelievably happy to see him. So hopefully I will be sitting with him next week. I am back on prednisone for poison ivy again, I got the shot last Tuesday and the pills for 1 week but Saturday it started getting worse again and now I have to go back to the doctor’s in the morning – not sure if it is the poison ivy or maybe a reaction but I am miserable, itching like crazy, so trying to keep busy so I don’t think about it.

I have been talking to my friend who lost her son a month ago and also my other friend who lost her son the same weekend – it is exhausting but I am happy to be able to help them both if I can. Sometimes it is hard as it takes me back to those first days of losing my Jessica but I suck it up by remembering how many of you were there for me and taught me so much. I had a complete meltdown the other day, one of many in the past few weeks – hard to go through but a necessary thing in order to release the pain that builds. Someone told me that I should not be still having “meltdowns” after 7 years !!! well at first I just stared and then I said “oh really and you know this how?? Because as far as I know you have not buried a child so do not even try to put yourself in my shoes” and I walked away. I honestly do not get “the stupid things people say”.

Tavian has settled into the 6^th grade and is happy to be back with his friends. He had a birthday party sleep-over on Friday nite and had a great time. I am so happy he is back among friends, it is hard being an only child with your grandparents as your parents/grandparents…sigh…but he is a good boy and we are so blessed. He has a bit of an attitude now and then but we work through it…hard to believe he will be 12 in February…..

Well my friends, I am going to try to download a few pics and say goodnight. Need to try to do some busy work to stop myself from scratching!! Love, peace and strength to all. Kathy, Jessica’s mom always This is one of my favorite pics of my Jessica and our dog Kaylie…. This is a pic of my Jessica and her best guy friend Pete who took her to the prom…he passed away 2 years before my Jessica from cancer….I remember how devastated she was and how much I tried to help her through the loss never knowing I would lose her….tears

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi Kathy!! So good to see you here today!! I love the pics of Jessica, she is so beautiful!

I have wondered how Tavian was doing! Sixth grade?? Wow! Please post his pics with that curly head of his!

People can be so stupid, and say the dumbest things!! I had someone recently ask me what made Jerry, my husband, pass out at the hospital the night that Jared was killed, did he have some sort of health issue?? I said "what the hell do you think made him pass out? He was looking at his dead 15 year old child on a stretcher and you don't think that was enough"?? OMG, I was livid! Another neighbor of mine, thought it would be good to let me know that sometimes late at night they hear a voice from outside towards the road crying out "help me, help me". I told them, Jared doesn't need your help, he's in heaven!! What is wrong with people???

[wgreenlee]

Just need some prayers tonight. Picked up Brooks' death certificate. Wish there hadn't been an autopsy, but I understand why in criminal cases. "Perforating gunshot wound of the head" and "shot by other" are not the words I wanted to read, although I guess it doesn't matter. A couple of minutes...from alive to dead.... Please God tell me he didn't know what happened. Changed the profile to homicide cause murdered was so ugly, but I guess it doesn't matter.

Sorry to be such a bummer...just need your prayers.

Wade

[Mermaid Tears]

wade...of course it matters....what shirt he wore...when he ate his last meal....where was he...what he said to you...what he said to others....

Every little...Every Big....Every word...Every thought...matters....

Do not ever think...that every...every thing matters....

It does....

And us here...with you....knows that every thing matters....

and we are here with you....for we know....that you matter...every tear...every emotion...everything hard...and it is so damn hard....

Everything matters....

[lovU2themoon]

Just need some prayers tonight. Picked up Brooks' death certificate. Wish there hadn't been an autopsy, but I understand why in criminal cases. "Perforating gunshot wound of the head" and "shot by other" are not the words I wanted to read, although I guess it doesn't matter. A couple of minutes...from alive to dead.... Please God tell me he didn't know what happened. Changed the profile to homicide cause murdered was so ugly, but I guess it doesn't matter.

Sorry to be such a bummer...just need your prayers.

Wade

It does matter, so much, I agree with Susan, what they wore, what they ate and yes how they died, heartbreaking for you.

My son was killed in a car accident, instantly, never saw it coming, when i first came to this site i needed to say that, and i was too told it was important.

I am praying for you, and wishing you peace tonight.

and everyone else who comes to this site.

I came home to an empty house tonight, first time since Lane died, my daughter was out (as she should be without feeling bad for me), it was so so sad and so quiet in my house, usually Lane comes out to greet me "whats for supper? I'm starved!!" but tonight, nothing.

New Normal....I hate it...

[Mermaid Tears]

Kathy....your sweet girl Jessica....has a life of her own...doesn't she ..??

Sweet Mama.....you keep on with the keep on....for she is giving you all the wind for your sails that you will need....as for as what other people say...or do.....

Did that really mean that much....ever ??

Why now ??

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....I don't know what photo you were looking at....but this is strange...for so many has said...even before he passed....'Gee...all of you have the same smile'.....

You gave me another gift....you gave me another lift....

I meant every...every word about your girl....she certainly has a very happy spirit...to wing around and keep everyone in her wind....

[ericasmom]

Hello to Everyone...must get to bed but wanted to say to Shannon, I watched some of that interview with the Man who lost so many loved ones...he lived in the same town as us when he lost his little one. Oak Park, Illinois. Wow, and yes, I so agree with him about grieving outloud. Thanks for sending his name to us. We have to take our time and see our way through our grief journey letting our tears and our misery out as it comes, otherwise to find our lives again is impossible. His message was good though I something about his affect was difficult for me. So I will listen in small doses because what he says is pretty much what I have believed for a long time. What a strength he has.

Oh and last night I said I was going to watch Long Island Medium...her show is changed and really silly now, though I do still like the way she reads folks, the show is pretty wacky and that takes away from the whole.

Gretchen, so good to see you here.

Kathy, nice to know you are out there and that Tavian is well.

As many have said, all the details of the day or night that saw our Children leave, all of those are important right now. They may always be or some of those details may get cloudy or even just become a bit of background in your memories but in the beginning, all that you remember is vital to putting the picture back together, which is also vital until it becomes something you have to actively dismantle. There are reasons for each, allow the time needed for each of these. Each phase of grief is needed and we double back sometimes to revisit a stage, it does not mean we are not making progress, it simply means we are not fully done with that aspect of things.

[ericasmom]

Two recent photos of my Dear Grandy Girl...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee, Your Granddaughter is so sweet. I agree about the guy who wrote that piece, I don't watch his so much as read him, but yes he does have a good message and a lot of strength. I think when I first read something he wrote it hit me because it was so similar to things you have said.

About the Long Island Medium, that was a show that Tris got me into. We would always watch together but were behind on the seasons so we'd have marathons of the old episodes on Netflix or Amazon. I just recently started watching it again. It makes me feel close to Trista. I'm still watching the old episodes though. I haven't seen any of the new ones.

Kathy, Your Jessica is beautiful.

Gretchen, It was good to see your post. I've been wondering how you're doing.

Wade, I remember when the report and certificate came in the mail for Trista. I shook. I couldn't open them. I hid them underneath some other paperwork for a couple of days. I could never read the report. I had someone else read and tell me what I needed to know. It brought everything back... and yes, all those details do matter. Sending prayers for you and your family. I just saw the post about the collage and I wouldn't mind that either.

Wanda, I know just what you mean. Things are so different, that "new normal" and I hate it too.

Becky, People say the stupidest things! I got sick at the hospital after they told me she was gone. The nurse pointed to a trash can, shook her head and said, "I don't know why some people do that."

Shannon

[mikesmomrs]

sorry, double post.

[mikesmomrs]

Hello everyone....well, if ever there was a day to stop by, today is one of many. To see all of our babies shining out at me brought such a smile, many smiles, to my face. Such a wonderful idea to post these pictures. They are truly never forgotten. They live on forever in our hearts, our life. I truly believe it is efforts such as this posting of our babies pictures that helps to bring healing to our broken hearts.this is of course October, and I know that some of you share birthdays and angelversaries, and I share in that as well this Saturday coming is my husband's birthday and two days later, is young Mike's 7th angelversary. as time goes by, and of course all of us here know that time can be different each day... Sometimes seven years seems like a very long time, and other times it seems like it was a month or two ago.the healing I felt over losing our son seems to have diminished with the passing of my husband. I did expect this to some extent, but not as much as I have experienced. I think a big part of that is because my husband and I shared Mike's memories every day. There was not a day went by that we did not speak of him in some way. While I have my daughter near and she never hesitates to either bring something up or listen willingly to something I might share about young Mike(or her dad), still it is not the same. I feel still in such turmoil since my husbands passing and while I do see healing, it is slow in coming and as we all know, arriving on a roller coaster. I am currently using my phone to do this post and it is not the easiest for me. I will post again when I get home. you all are in my prayers, as always, and I send my love to each of you. It has been mentioned many times on this post that it is believed that our angels are not only together, but have led us to be together and I find great comfort in this belief. the wisdom, sharing, empathy, and love shared here is a blessed gift.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thank you Kathy for sharing the pictures of your Summergirl...She is a beautiful soul...and also for telling us how you are doing now....

Carol, you are on my thoughts often...when I first signed up for the site your postings were such a healing to me, you are close to my heart with the two dates coming up for your husband and son...I am glad you shared the perspective of time in your grief....

Gretchen, glad to hear from you...missed you...

Kate, wondering how you and husband are doing? I am sure it is busy up there in Canada trying to get ready for winter...I really do not like snow that much anymore...(which is why I live in northern Wisconsin right?)

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Prayed last night for everyone here...was just too wiped out to post....

...I have today feeling like it is the last full day before Jesse left the morning of the 10th at 10:08 am ...I made my final call to him also a few minutes before the accident...he did not pick up...it rang for 7 times...I hung up after that ring...but had a strange feeling...I was going to ask him, "So what are you going to do today?" So often he would pull over the bike and answer the call...if only he did that day...

It is odd because I feel like I am one day off...to me tomorrow feels like the day he died because it was a Wednesday...yet the 10th this year is a Thursday...

...has anyone else noticed that sensation of time being off like this??

[ericasmom]

Yes Laurie, I too have had that sense of things. For the first year or year and a half, each Tuesday was the mark of time, Eri was hit on a Tuesday and died the following Monday. Time becomes an abstract for many of us, and it remains somewhat so still for me.

Hang on, you are facing a hard date and very heavy thoughts, he is with you as you go.

Carol, so good to see you today. I hope that the heavy burden lightens some by miracle of those Boys of yours, somehow lifting the curtain and letting more sunlight in. I would imagine Carol that what you described would get to us all in a very big way, to not have that witness to that first tragic time, that person who you shared all the good in life and all the sorrow that hit, would be such a hard loss to find footing with. Young Mike's death and the brunt of that loss is being felt strongly now perhaps you have grieved with someone before and now you have to find your own heart in all of this. May you feel hearts all around you today.

My students are in Music right now, with an incredible music teacher, then we will go directly out to recess if they get a good report. It is picture perfect out, 70 degrees, sunny and blue sky. Lovely.

Peace out Dears

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Yes Laurie, I too have had that sense of things. For the first year or year and a half, each Tuesday was the mark of time, Eri was hit on a Tuesday and died the following Monday. Time becomes an abstract for many of us, and it remains somewhat so still for me.

Hang on, you are facing a hard date and very heavy thoughts, he is with you as you go.

Dee, Thanks for your response between classes...it helps to know what others experienced...it feels like part of me is frozen in time...on that day, in that hour, in that moment....

Also, I wanted to post this link for those of us with accidents...it appears that running over people and not getting prosecuted seems to be the norm across the country...this article is about Mary Neal's son, Willie Neal, that was ran over in Maine...of course the DA would not prosecute... http://www.jhnewsandguide.com/article.php?art_id=5441

I just don't get it...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...Carol....more later...don't have time now...but am thinking of you...and all here...

sending some special prayers for holding up and holding on.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Also, I wanted to post this link for those of us with accidents...it appears that running over people and not getting prosecuted seems to be the norm across the country...this article is about Mary Neal's son, Willie Neal, that was ran over in Maine...of course the DA would not prosecute... http://www.jhnewsand...php?art_id=5441

I just don't get it...

Thanks, Laurie, for posting that link! Wow, doesn't that express exactly how we feel?? Wonder if I could get away, without stating the driver's name, with submitting such an article to at least express how we feel about how the case was handled? This is horrible, so they are saying they think any 'reasonable' juror is capable of the same type of behavior, and thereby they can't be sure of a conviction?? How lame is that?

That is more or less exactly what we were told also, that they don't bring charges in cases they are not 100% sure they can win!

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I know we don't have to tell you to 'Cherish' each moment....she is already your 'Lil Partner'...I am at a loss of words to describe my relationship...partnership...loveship...I have with my GRANDdaughters....I have a unique relationship with all my GRANDchildren...for the mere fact they are all unique in personality and persona.....each goes to the beat of their own drum...so I change my march step with each of them....it is an adventure for sure. She is a Baby Doll....

[Guest]

.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Today we finished the restoration of Jared's 1993 Mustang Convertible, that we had bought very used for him in 2010. He wasn't quite old enough to drive, but had researched online the many things he wanted to get and do to the car. He loved it as it was, and when we lost him, my husband and I decided to complete the restoration in his honor.

It's not quite old enough for Antique registration, so today I took all our receipts to the insurance company, and they are at least going to insure it for what we have invested. We have only driven it for short distances on really nice days.

If you are interested, here is a link to the complete process, which has been nearly two years.

https://www.facebook...30157173&type=3

Please let me know if the link works!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee, I'm glad you had such beautiful weather today. We had the same.

Trista's best friend, Abigail came over after she got off work today and we all went to decorate Trista's site for Halloween. It was nice that Abby came but I just really want my Daughter.

Lora said, the least little things can crush you...

I checked my bank account. The direct withdrawal to pay for Trista's braces came out. She got them off just a couple of weeks before she left. I don't have many pics of her without her braces because of that.

She took this one on her way home right after the braces came off.

This is Trista and Abby

Laurie,

I will look at that link later on. Thank you for posting. I am supposed to hear from the reconstructionist by the end of this week or early next week.

Thinking of everyone tonight.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Becky,

We were posting at the same time. The link works. I will look at the pictures...What a way to honor your Jared. I have been trying to decide what to do with Trista's Bug. I am leaning towards keeping it.

Shannon

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Couldn't help myself, had to see how my baby would look in his ride!

[tobyfreefoot]

computer down again back up soon i hope. becky your boy looks happy in his car. you know he is loving you for fixing it up!

[Guest]

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[Sholl1955]

I have been reading posts daily and have really enjoyed seeing the pictures of everyone's children and families. They each one are so special and so loved. I am a bit computer challenged and have no idea how to get pictures on here so am impressed by those who can:-) I have also enjoyed seeing your children's sites and how beautiful they are. My Sarah still has no stone and I still cannot locate her grave since the grass is grown over it and there are several unsold plots around her. I did mention it to my son in law but he gives no indication that he plans to take care of it anytime soon. I have such a need to go there and sit. I know she is not there, but I have that need, but will have to accept it. A good thing is happening though, My youngest daughter Rachel is beginning to come around. She called and asked us to come see them 2 weekends ago and has begun texting and sending pictures of the grandbabies again. I am letting her take the lead and am just so very thankful that she seems to be working through her grief and reaching out to us. I am thankful. Wishing everyone a peaceful evening. Sandy

[Sholl1955]

I have been reading posts daily and have really enjoyed seeing the pictures of everyone's children and families. They each one are so special and so loved. I am a bit computer challenged and have no idea how to get pictures on here so am impressed by those who can:-) I have also enjoyed seeing your children's sites and how beautiful they are. My Sarah still has no stone and I still cannot locate her grave since the grass is grown over it and there are several unsold plots around her. I did mention it to my son in law but he gives no indication that he plans to take care of it anytime soon. I have such a need to go there and sit. I know she is not there, but I have that need, but will have to accept it. A good thing is happening though, My youngest daughter Rachel is beginning to come around. She called and asked us to come see them 2 weekends ago and has begun texting and sending pictures of the grandbabies again. I am letting her take the lead and am just so very thankful that she seems to be working through her grief and reaching out to us. I am thankful. Wishing everyone a peaceful evening. Sandy

[ericasmom]

What a great job you have done on the car, Becky. Wow! I am sure that Jared's grin is shining like so many stars tonight. He must be so proud. A labor of love for sure.

Shannon, love the photos with the braces and then to see the ones without Trista's braces. She was joyously smiling with them off wasn't she? So pretty. Trista and her brothers share similar facial features, especially she and your Little Guy. It was nice of your Daughter's friend to come over to decorate with you, and very nice of you to have her join.

Conference week, I had 4 today, 5 tomorrow, and then 9 on Thursday.

[Mermaid Tears]

so much..is like it should be...so much for us all coming together...all a circle...

I don't know how to post songs....

so...you please go to youtube...and go the ...Waiting on a Sunny Day...

Bruce Springsteen will sing the song I send out to all of you....it has been in my head all day....so...I hope it can bring something to you....waiting for the clouds to part....

[wgreenlee]

Jared's car...Trista without braces...Springsteen song...smiling, laughing, and enjoying life pictures...thank you! Need happy thoughts and they all brought a smile to my face. I can only hope to help in your journey as you are in mine.

All my prayers to you and your families. To find love, happiness, comfort, and peace in your lives. Please God, bestow mercy and grace to us. Hold our Angels close. Please let there be meaning in our journeys.

Brooks enjoying his new family.

[wgreenlee]

Susan, I am waiting and know it will come. Thank you for the song. Here's a link to it on YouTube. Nothing like music to uplift the heart.

Wade

[wgreenlee]

Hope this is ok.

Just need to write and pass time with some meaning right now.

Wade

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories were a lane,

We would walk right up to heaven

To bring you down again.

No farewell words were spoken,

No time to say good-bye.

You were gone before we knew it,

And only God knows why.

Our hearts still ache in sadness

And secret tears still flow,

What it meant to lose you,

No one will ever know.

When we are sad and lonely,

And everything goes wrong,

We seem to hear you whisper

"Cheer up and carry on."

Each time we look at your pictures,

You seem to smile and say,

"Don't cry, I'm only sleeping,

We'll meet again someday."

[Mermaid Tears]

Sarah's Mom....so happy that your daughter is coming around...we just don't know how our children will react to their siblings passing...I know that our grief can be so raw...they don't know how to approach us...and they have to work through so many levels of their grief....healing comes in different stages for different people....I hope the circle of your family comes together. You can go to the cemetery office and ask for a map...of the plots....they have to keep the records...it is the law...and they can help you find her resting place. I think I posted this to you before...and hope it brings you peace and comfort to find her.

Becky....what a labor of love with the car...I am not a car 'person'...but it is very snazzy....any teen-ager would love to have those wheels....if I ever got an old car...it would be a '65 Mustang...

Wade...thanks for posting the song...I can post photos but am not techno-savvy enough to post songs....but that song was humming inside my mind all day.....I guess because I am really waiting on the 'sunny' to come from the inside....I love that poem...

Shannon....Trista's smile just beams out 'happy'....after all the issues that come with braces...finally getting that 'perfect smile'....is a milestone...and I think that was so sweet that her friend came to help you decorate for Halloween...they need you as much as you need them...how is the young lady doing that was driving ? That will haunt her the rest of her life unless she has great support and unconditional love from all around her....such a tragic experience can shadow one's life forever...if not dealt with from the inside out. A similar accident happened in Wharton....but it was two life long friends...Jay was driving...Ben was the passenger....a car ran a stop sign an hit the passenger's side and killed Ben....it was horrific for both families....Jay blamed himself...quit football...really...he just gave up everything...for years...I don't know what happened in all those lost years...but he finally came back home and he got some professional help. I talked to his Mom and she told me it was like both boys died. So sad.