Loss of an Adult Child

[briansdad]

I went fishing last week with some friends. We had a little tournament and I decided to wear Brian's hat for luck. Well I caught a personal best....7.8 lb Black Bass. Thanks Brian!!!

Also I hope all the Mom's here were able to remember past mothers day's with their child and smile.

[ericasmom]

Greg, I know Brian was smiling when you felt that tug on your line, and watched with glee as you reeled it in. Probably was sitting on your shoulder as you did so. I am glad that you still do some of what you loved to do with Brian. Thanks for the good Mom-day wishes.

Mike's Dad, glad that you are helping that young man who is your Son's friend. Nice of you to take him fishing. He sounds like PTSD has really got him and that perhaps, his life prior to the service was not so great. Congrats on the upcoming wedding.

[shorty16]

To all my friends

For some reason, I thought this Mothers Day would be easier. No such luck. We had a good morning until about 3 pm when the kids went there way and my thoughts turned to my son Brian. How 16 years was not enough for me. How I just want my boy back.

I do realize that this is a waste of my precious energy. But, I cannot help but want what I had.

Sorry to be a bummer, but Wow, I am really sad.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever.

[ericasmom]

Colleen, I know and you are not a bummer. You are simply stating the facts as they stand. You are aching for who you lost. You will always ache for Brian. We do learn to live a good life again and it takes energy and drive and that only comes with time and with allowing your grief, but even now, at nearly 10 years after Erica died, I ache for her. I talk to her still each day, just remark to her about things, say goodnight to her each night, see her in so many wonders, and I do have a ton of joy in my life, but I will always miss my Girl. And when tears come, they need to come. Sadness comes in on a sunny day sometimes, it just does and will. It is part and parcel of our lives. That sadness is something you never have to shut out or pretend you don't have, we will be dealing with these bouts of sadness forever, it is the nature of this loss.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Colleen, I know I will always feel that deep loss for Jesse. It's okay -- you are still Brian's mom and we will never stop wanting to hold our child again in this life.

Thanks Mikes mom and Dee for being there with beautiful responses for us all.

Betsy, very much liked your writing of love for your mom.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

My husband Bob asked that I post this for him on the forum. It is what he wrote for our son:

To Jesse from Dad,

Jesse, when you were born I cried tears of joy. The bond was so instant and so strong that it took my breath away. And so our journey began.

Watching you grow was a privilege. Your imagination would come alive with the drawings that you would create, from starships to old cars and houses. I remember when you created your Chickinsaw club and tried to enlist your friends to join. Those writings are still there scribbled on boards that are tacked up on our old farm sheds.

I would chuckle at your imagination and listen to your impossible dreams. You were such a gentle boy and so kind to animals. I remember how you would squeeze and hug your stuffed bear and call him Teddy with a smile. Your love would just shine through. There was not a mean bone in your body.

You loved the simple and plain things of life and where others saw junk you saw an object of beauty. I lost track of how many old cars you had and oh how excited you were with each and every one of them. You saw things not as they are but what they could be. You always had a smile on your face and quiet confidence. If you ever had doubts or fears I never saw it. Your wisdom and insight was always that of an older soul. I loved our in depth conversations together and you knew so much about so many things. You had an incredible ability to read and retain facts.

Many times we would just have long, interesting conservations together. How we would talk and talk through the thousands of miles on our road trips to Arizona. I cherish those times so deeply now.

And how often son, we would work together either wrenching on cars or fixing up your house. Both of our hands together on wood and steel. How often I relied on your strength for it was greater than mine. I am so glad for these last 3 weeks that we spent preparing your house to be lifted to be placed on a new foundation. Together we were going to get this latest job done. Again working side by side and you seeing things that I didn’t see and me seeing things you didn’t see. I was so happy to see your excitement because this was the project that was going to turn your house into a home. This was the project that was going to give the house some real worth and the motivation you needed to continue fixing it. I was so excited for you and I want to finish what we started together.

Jesse, I love you more than life. I would love to take your place son if I only could. There is no amount of tears or grief to express the loss that I feel. You were so very, very special Jesse and not just because you were our son but just because you were. I am a better person because of you. So much of my soul has died with you son. I will miss you beyond what words can explain.

Rest in the arms of our Heavenly Father, son, until I see you again.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Here is one of two wrist bands that we found in Jesse's stuff after he passed. Jesse never wore these types of things and they are in the heaven colors. I wear one and my other son wears the other.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, What a beautiful picture you created with Jared for Mother's Day.

Brian's Dad- What a fish! It is silly but I have always been afraid of big fish. (yours look big to me). So either my husband or my sons would have to pull it off the line if I did catch one.

Gretchen - Did you notice all around you are giant kitties and then you had the giant kitty on your shirt? Glad you had a nice outing with your family.

[Mermaid Tears]

Sending out a 'hi to all'.....I don't think my feet have hit the same spot since Friday....

So moved by the 'Mother's Day' greetings...from ones who have a broken heart...but still...so much caring and consideration sent from that broken space....moved by the story of childhood memories...moved by the visit to that young man...moved by the writing of the Dad for his son...moved by Dee...telling us with her words that ...'yes'....it hurts...yes we move on....but in our 'new normal'....you are our 'Guide' here....it is like you move ahead of us on the path...saying...look...I am making a trail here....maybe a trail of tears...but...that is ok....I read something the other day....probably many have already read it....I can't quote word for word but it goes like this....

When our children are with us...it is our responsibility to care and love them....when they pass....it is our responsibility to remember them....

Very simple...the story of the family visiting the infant's grave...it just reinforces my truth...it doesn't matter if they pass at one day...4 years...40 years....We will always be their parent...they will always be our child.....death does not wipe out or erase that bond....

Kate...keep us posted....we all hold you and your husband in our prayers....

Each of you bring a solace to my heart....

[Jeff's Mom]

I too am sending out a "hi to all". Very busy with keeping up with Doc appointments, tests, etc. Also, the running of the house now falls completely on my shoulders. He simply is unable to do the basic yard stuff, etc. Yesterday was a tough day...but we managed to get through it. As I sat in the waiting room I took a good look at the faces of those also sitting waiting for their appt. The look of strain and fear was so apparent. Nobody wanted to talk as they sat there deeply reflecting on their own state of health. Then something lovely happened. A young man wearing shorts and sandals walked into the room. He pulled up a chair in the corner and quietly started to play his guitar. Oh, how he reminded me of my boy. That brief few minutes of his music helped to soothe the frayed nerves of those patients. It provided a distraction...and a lovely one. I feel the fear that he is experiencing. I too am afraid for the very first time in our years of marriage. This type of fear is all consuming as we have lost complete control. We are now at the mercy of our Creator and those devoted Doctors. Our weather has turned in very warm and summer like. We actually skipped the spring part altogether. I am now watching people begin to shop for flowers. My passion. Yet this year I feel no desire to do much of anything. I plan to scale back in a big way. I am enjoying reading the lovely tributes to our kids written in such a heartfelt way. Just beautiful and very moving. Thinking of everyone today. Kate

[mysonrich]

Laurie, the bracelet find are pretty amazing . “ How often I relied on your strength for it was greater than mine”. I have found this quote to be true too. There are times that I have to remind myself that part of the strength and vision is something that was instilled by the moms and dads of our wonderful children. Great picture of a very handsome son.

Kate, know that if I could, I would lend a hand.

Carol and Dee, in my youth I gave writing/journalism more than a passing thought. Someone mentioned that I would have to make a living as well. HA ha. True. I guess that is where I set the dream aside. Thanks.

Gretchen, a real treasure. The picture is something to cherish in years to come.

Mermaid Tears, it's always nice to read your words though I wish it wasn't here that I had t earn of your shared pain and encouragement.

Del, I am a SVR fan as well. Crossfire and Little Sister of the same album are 2 of my favorites. Rich liked more of the metal music. Kind of rough on the ears, ( as my parents said of my youthful love of Led Zeppelin )

Becky, as always, beautiful work in love for your son

Surreal, I read your profile page. I'm sorry

Nice day today. Blue sky and green tree's/ always someone fly fishing near by. Cold last night down to 35. that's my weather report for today

[Mermaid Tears]

OH Kate....your emotions and fear...(always we fear the unknown)...are palpable through my screen....yes...this is a time to 'par it down'...my Dad use to tell me to search for the 'lowest common denominator' to find what is really a 'quality life'...and you will find a richer way of existing.

That young fellow...that came to play the guitar....in the waiting room...hmmmm....I consider him....'sent'.....Be in Peace...

[Mike's dad]

I'm having a blast here with my boy's friend. Even though he's got some problems, he's a nice guy. He told me he wishes it would have been him... I don't. Not if my son felt that his life was worth saving.

Last night I woke up because someone was touching my arm, I looked and there was no one there. I felt a calm feeling rush over me. I don't believe in ghosts, or spirits, but if they're real, my son must have woke me up last night...

[ericasmom]

Kate, I so agree with Susan, that man with his music was an Earth Angel. Thank you Man with the Guitar.

Mike's Dad, consider yourself woken by your Son because it is that sense of calm that washed over you that we know means a visit. How lovely, letting you know that he stands with you as you support his friend because that is what I mean by standing where they no longer can, standing in the light he leaves for you. You are doing the work of your Son. What better way to honor him?

[ericasmom]

Just took a lovely bike ride before getting in ready for school. Bird song, especially robins, were the music of the morning and a lovely sunrise sky. Renewed.

[Guest]

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[tobyfreefoot]

mike's dad--bound to have been your son. i put my arms around my son in the casket and lie on his chest and i felt this amazing calm and feeling of peace and well being. it dropped over me like i had taken a percocet. i felt the best i had ever felt. i could have stayed there forever. what else could it be? i don't even have any conventional belief in god so if i were you i would consider myself visited!

[Jeff's Mom]

Just returned from the hospital and 4 hours of chemo. I had the opportunity to speak to two young women that are both fighting end stage bone cancer. Both approximately in their early forties. All the talk was about Angelina Jollie and how happy they were that she had made that decision. As I spoke to them I was overcome with emotion as to how brave and upbeat they were. They were definitely determined to enjoy every good day that they could. Pity was not in their vocabulary. We came home drained, but feeling determined that we are going to give this everything we have. He is now asleep and will continue with the chemo pump for another couple of days at home. I made a decision while I was there. To scrap my plan of not planting much in my gardens and to go all out. I hope to get him involved and hopefully focused on something positive. Thinking of everyone. Thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and support. Kate

[Sholl1955]

The weekend was tough, the pain intense. My birthday was Friday and Mother's Day Sunday. I thought it would maybe be easier, but it was worse. That loss, where it feels like you are in a fog and just going through the motions of living returned. I tried to fight it, but failed miserably. I was able to be there for my sweet little grandaughters who know that their friends had mama's there for mothers day and am thankful that the part that they need I can grab ahold of in spite of the pain.But inside it felt and still does feel so empty. Last year it was only 2 months after Sarah died and I guess the shock of it all helped me get through it. This year the shock is gone and the reality of years ahead of not having her here is overwhelming. I wasn't prepared for these feelings, but should have been since grief is like that. Unpredictable. Our anniversary is tomorrow, our 38th. My hubby's dementia will not allow him to remember the significance of this day, but I will know. So, I will allow myself this pity party and again work at fighting this pain and find my footing again, and be thankful that I can come to this site and vent and not be judged, or told that I need to get over it. Thank you all for being here.

Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...hope I spelled that right....your sharing will mean so much...

Kate....your sharing....will simply keep us inspired to 'pray' and give you all we have to give on this site...for your strength and the climb up you are on....your every step we want to know...if you want to plant one flower...or a dozen...I just wish I could be there to help you dig in the earth...if not...we will do all we can to be with you in the 'spirit dig'....

So in hopes that you, Sandy, with your little granddaughters will find a comfort in all that we wish you....it is so damn hard....so hard....many will know the hard reality that you are going through....like you say...when the shock wears off...we have to deal with the every..every..day....and it just doesn't get easy...ever....and you have your husbands dementia....and so..you don't have that shoulder to cry on....no....you have to shoulder that shoulder...it just doesn't seem fair...and it isn't....but please....many don't have their child's child...the little ones that can carry on....and carry on is the law of the universe...from when time started....they with their little hands will bring you through this path....they with their little hands will hold yours....and bring you 'through this'.....

[ericasmom]

Wise words indeed from the good people of this Place.

Sandy, that shock last year did keep you in a different place than you are in now, now it is 24/7 isn't it? And as Susan said, no shoulder to lean on rather to should all of those leaning on you. I wish you deep sleep and some wonderful visits. And though your 38th anniversary is yours to remember without your partner joining in, it brought you to so much love in this world and so, celebrate that day. That love. And all that was created from it.

I don't see this feeling as a pity party, I see it as your letting us know why you are feeling especially blue right now.

Lora, I feel that way too, glad that Erz has buddies with her, friends like Cara...laughing and joking together and yes, I do think our kids bring us to this place for us to meet.

Kate, what an extremely taxing time, yes, maybe a full garden will make you both feel more energy. Just one day at a time Sweetie.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...I promise you....I will help spread the word...my twins now have their permit...I told Hunter Bear yesterday when I picked him up from school and then I let him drive home....'no phone call or message is worth your life'....we lived many years without cell phones...and instant messages....

[daveydow1]

Susan----Good advice to your new driver. I agree....it is our responsibility to

remember our dear ones who have left this world too soon.....our sweet children.

You are aright---4 yrs. or 40 yrs. we always feel the loss. We visited Lisa's grave

on her birthday, May 5......she would have been 43.

Dee----Yes....the ache will always be there...for sure. One does not just 'turn off'

the sorrow at a certain point in time. It's always a part of our hearts & souls.

What a nice bike ride you had, with birds singing, and a lovely sunrise.

Kate----Continuing to send prayers for you & your husband.

Betsy----Good to see your post.

Becky-----

True words about texting while driving. While these electronics are

so useful for keeping in touch, they are deadly when used at the wrong time...

while driving.

Mikesdad----Mike...touching your arm, and touching your heart.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[tobyfreefoot]

kate--i find nothing more restorative than digging in the dirt/watching things grow! hoping this will give you and your husband something fun, beautiful, distracting and life affirming during this overwhelming time

[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Lora....now go Voyager....yes....just be lifted up with the heart of the one who will wander...very strange to those that keep it close..and near the road to home.....home is everywhere...where you hang your hat...this is simply an adventure...and we can...venture out....and you can, too....be light....don't think...'too much'...just let your feet carry you forward...and your heart will catch up....and know....that where...you go....you will have all that you need...and look around...people are people...no matter where you go...we all have the same hearts...the same needs...the same heartaches ....we are simply all in this together....and we all have the same place to experience what we can....you will find kindred spirits everywhere...now...go...be free and light...and have your kind of good time...no one is around to say what is what...or where is where....you are your own compass....and also....your child is with you...and she wants you to carry her and have a great..wonderful...laughing...smiling...sunshine good time....just like you would want for her....it is always a two way street...for us and for them...

[ericasmom]

Ahh Susan, the voyager. Yes, Lora go forge a new path tonight, finding it hard to leave what is familiar is something I battle all the time, but I am always rather grateful to have done so once I do. There are some messages no doubt that will find you in these different places, letting you know that indeed, you are home wherever you go. I look forward to hearing of your travels.

Sherry good to see you. Beautiful weather and birds delight me, and I am pretty sure you are enjoying the same.

[Mermaid Tears]

As many know...how the mind can 'wander' around...someone posted something about 'us being led here'....I have been pondering on 'the wonder' of it all....I was searching for something different when this site came up on my screen....just want each of you to know what a measure of healing you have brought to my broken heart.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Facebook asked me what was on my mind this morning, and here was my reply:

Dear Friends,

You’re so quick to turn from me, or simply stay away,

Or maybe you’re afraid that something you might say

Would further hurt or offend and don’t want to add more pain,

You don’t speak of him like you’re afraid to simply say his name.

I love to talk about him, it’s all that’s left you see,

I say his name out loud and I know that he hears me.

You can’t even go there in your mind, to think how you would feel,

Not for even a moment, let alone let it be real.

Don’t let my smile convince you that I am alright,

My life’s forever changed since that dreadful night.

I will never be the same, the person you recall,

My heart has been ripped from me, and I am feeling small.

I live with regret that I couldn’t stop this reality I live,

Not for my sake, but for his, oh what I wouldn’t give;

To replay that day again, and change the order of things,

For him to be here smiling, what peace to me would bring.

I know you don’t understand and I wouldn’t wish it so.

Only those that have lived it can ever really know.

Just be my friend, and be patient, as I try to find my way,

You never know what lies ahead, you may need me someday.

Becky West May 17th, 2013

[Jeff's Mom]

Facebook asked me what was on my mind this morning, and here was my reply:

Dear Friends,

You’re so quick to turn from me, or simply stay away,

Or maybe you’re afraid that something you might say

Would further hurt or offend and don’t want to add more pain,

You don’t speak of him like you’re afraid to simply say his name.

I love to talk about him, it’s all that’s left you see,

I say his name out loud and I know that he hears me.

You can’t even go there in your mind, to think how you would feel,

Not for even a moment, let alone let it be real.

Don’t let my smile convince you that I am alright,

My life’s forever changed since that dreadful night.

I will never be the same, the person you recall,

My heart has been ripped from me, and I am feeling small.

I live with regret that I couldn’t stop this reality I live,

Not for my sake, but for his, oh what I wouldn’t give;

To replay that day again, and change the order of things,

For him to be here smiling, what peace to me would bring.

I know you don’t understand and I wouldn’t wish it so.

Only those that have lived it can ever really know.

Just be my friend, and be patient, as I try to find my way,

You never know what lies ahead, you may need me someday.

Becky West May 17th, 2013

Becky, I agree with you completely! I find that I really never go back to that night my son died at all. I try to focus on all the wonderful times that we shared. People can be varied in their way of handling grief. Today, after three years I am no longer as angry at them as I once was. I just feel that they are ignorant and afraid to face the reality of what it would be like to lose one of their own. I can't force a person to react as I would like them too. I just walk away and look for those that do get it. So many stages to grief. Someone posted the other day about walking in a fog. I felt that three years ago as I was going through that very thing. Well, I kept telling myself that with time it would lessen.And it did start to ease a bit. Now I am back to square one with my husband. A friend told me the other day that God never gives us more then we can handle. I was not pleased to hear that. I'm sick of hearing it to be honest. I say let him hand it over to one of the ones that thinks they have been protected from it all. Let someone else take on this load. I could sure do with a break. That is not anger speaking...just exhaustion.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Kate, I have questioned that quote from the bible many times. Life has made me strong, but that to me seems more the reason to not have more piled on, just never made sense to me. I am so sorry for your latest burden to bear, and pray for your strength. So grateful for this forum, where we all get it. For me, and my family, the "going back" is because of the trial we are facing, and the very slow process of getting all the information, which has not allowed us to reflect solely on our fond memories. We will all be glad when this part is done, and pray that it will bring some relief.

Becky, I agree with you completely! I find that I really never go back to that night my son died at all. I try to focus on all the wonderful times that we shared. People can be varied in their way of handling grief. Today, after three years I am no longer as angry at them as I once was. I just feel that they are ignorant and afraid to face the reality of what it would be like to lose one of their own. I can't force a person to react as I would like them too. I just walk away and look for those that do get it. So many stages to grief. Someone posted the other day about walking in a fog. I felt that three years ago as I was going through that very thing. Well, I kept telling myself that with time it would lessen.And it did start to ease a bit. Now I am back to square one with my husband. A friend told me the other day that God never gives us more then we can handle. I was not pleased to hear that. I'm sick of hearing it to be honest. I say let him hand it over to one of the ones that thinks they have been protected from it all. Let someone else take on this load. I could sure do with a break. That is not anger speaking...just exhaustion.

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo's, stopping in to say hello and to share a little something. I had been thinking about Rich and his favorite color. Shortly after Rich died someone told me they thought he liked green. Rich was a hard worker and I'm sure he liked “ green” but I always thought differently. I didn't say so, we all have our own memory. So while driving on a major interstate yesterday I found myself behind a tractor, the truck part of an 18 wheeler. The truck was blue and since there was no trailer I could see a message on the truck. It said, “ My favorite color is chrome”. Thanks Rich. I knew it was. :-)

[Mermaid Tears]

He wanted you to have that message...

[ericasmom]

What a fun message Betsy.

I have had a very busy week, so many evening events and meetings at school but all in all, just glad to be here on a Friday evening. We are going to babysit for about 2 ours tonight, exciting.

It was supposed to rain here today, but we got a mere drizzle, so we will have to water again. The garden is looking so beautiful. Anenome's and a myriad of other blossoms each day. Gorgeous.

[ericasmom]

Here you go Betsy and All who might Love Neil Young as I do, Hey Greg, what about you? Chrome Dreams Rust Edition...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YknnvmYBhyo

[Mike's dad]

It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with, I never fail to have a young man in service talk to me... I think it's a curse. It happened two months after my boy died and hasn't stopped. It happened today and I got chills.

I really miss my boy...

[Mermaid Tears]

thanks for some Neil.....and some mystic....for some reason...am very emotional today...more so than in a long time...I am very, very tired and need at least ONE day to gather myself...have been busy with apartments...paper work...and lots and lots of people....good people...for sure...caretaking...family.....but....also connecting dots ...lots of blessings to connect...lots of tears drop...just one by one....for I have to go to the next place...and don't want the sobbing to start....too busy...Dee...I know this will be the first of 'many' babysitting times....just so happy for you...thinking of all....and All is Well....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, totally understand those kind of days.

Mike's Dad, that missing your son, so identify with...

[Mike's dad]

I remember going in his room to watch him sleep when he was little. The first night he came home I couldn't take my eyes off him... My ex had to tell me to stop getting up every ten minutes.

He was so handsome even then. The girls at school always wanted him to come to their houses to play. Then to the movies, then to dances. My ex had to tell girls to not call after ten because his sister needed to go to bed.

He loved the attention, he always would mess with them and they would get all giggly. He would wink, and smile and make his smug handsome look, I always got a kick out of it, girls that worked in resturaunts never charged him, so we'd leave them the amount, plus their tip. I might have encouraged him more than I should have.

He was a nice kid, He would mow lawns for the single moms and the elderly people and wouldn't let them pay him. He fixed things for people comstantly, he took a tiny widowed lady to the hair salon on Wednesdays after school from the time he was 16 til a week before she passed away two years later. She adored him, and he felt the same way about her.

I miss those things the most.

[ericasmom]

Mike's Dad, how well I remember watching the kids when they slept, praying over them, hoping for their lives to be long and lovely. Such sweet little faces, Jon's head would be sweaty when he fell asleep, all the days energy leaving his body that way.

We babysat last week for our first official sitting, then last night and last night was not great, poor little Eri screamed for over an hour before I called the kids to tell them that she was inconsolable and while I can handle that, was it something they wanted to go on...they got the check and had their meals bagged and came home. I felt like a failure though that is how she is sometimes and it has to do with a gassy tummy but boy, I felt so badly not being able to console her. Prior to her crying however, she smiled at me several times and those were social smiles. I beamed back at her...a gift indeed. So we will try again when they are wanting to go out.

Hope that this day offers some deep peaceful feelings.

Susan, how is Husband these days? I know you are tackling all that was your combined jobs, how you doing?

[tobyfreefoot]

i believe my son's death also killed my father. he had manageable alzheimer's but with the shock of the death of my son his health rapidly declined and he was dead in less than a year. looks like a broken heart can kill in many ways. take care of yourselves (ha fine advice if you can take it)

Dick Trickle, a "short-track hero" in the '70s and '80s who moved to the NASCAR circuit later in his career, died Thursday.

The 71-year-old was killed by "an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound, Lincoln County [N.C.] deputies said."

The Observer adds that "in 2001, Trickle's granddaughter Nicole Ann Bowman was killed in a car accident in front of East Lincoln High School. She is buried in the cemetery where police found his truck and body Thursday." A friend of Trickle's tells the newspaper that Trickle never got over his granddaughter's death.

[tobyfreefoot]

"Mothering you is the first thing of consequence that I have ever done."--Kelly Corrigan

read this in a book i picked up recently. seeing as forest was my first this is so true for me as well.

[Mom of Chip]

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Today, I was at a local resale shop and saw a woman there who I knew had been on our prayer chain. Her husband had fallen earlier this week and hit his head, he died on Monday. This new widow tried to talk with her friend running the resale shop about it and the lady actually told her that it was a blessing her husband died (he was 76). I just about fell over.

I waited to talk to this new widow in a more private setting and told her that we had prayed for them. I did not know who they were for sure earlier, but God knew. I told her I lost my son this October and she said "it sure isn't easy is it?", I said "No, it's not". I had to stop talking at that point because I was starting to cry on the spot.

A BLESSING that that ladies husband died???? I would have wanted to bitch-slap her.

There was a couple from our church who attended Chip's funeral..long-time members. A few months later the gentleman died. He was 92. The first time I saw his widow after that was one morning at church at Christmas time. We hugged each and she said.."It's not easy is it?" and I replied, "No, it's not"...and started to tear up... I think that is pretty common among those of us who are grieving a dear loss.. We understand...

Becky...loved your poem...I think it took a lot guts to post that on FB. I feel the same way, but I'm kind of chicken about saying it publicly. However, I may gut it up and post it to my FB page..Hope you don't mind.

Everyone have a good weekend..I'm working today and tomorrow. UGH!!!!

[ericasmom]

Del, sorry you have to work all weekend. I hope that somehow the work brings you some fulfillment.

Gretchen, love that quote and I love the photo. Is that you and Forest's Dad? Your Daughter looks amazingly like you and Forest is a strong combo of you each.

Kate, how ya doing?

Carol, Brenda, Betty, Bonnie, Trudi, Leah, Col, Surreal, and So many other Moms and Dads that are not here often, but whose hearts we hold, thinking of you.

[Mermaid Tears]

All the postings have really touched me....Daniel is doing good....still..very, very slow....but a little better and a little stronger with each day.....

I have had this 'fine tuned emotional' feeling for a few days...it is like I am trying to remember a dream or something is tugging on me...as when you speak and trying to find the right word....but...I am taking care of EVERYTHING just fine....I do know how to delegate...and I have a boatload of helpers....we have our businesses already in place..(for years) that take care of the big stuff...air conditioning..electrical..plumbing...so ...if I have all that covered...I am blessed to live in our Brenham town...

Dee...just want you to know how I am being a Nonnie...I realized when we had the first GRANDson...that when I would keep him...I was a 'little more' hyper and a little more diligent...over the care for the 'what if something happened when I was watching him' syndrome...so....you are not alone in that department....even if I raised 6 kids...it didn't make any difference...and I am still like that today....Jesse called me a few weeks ago cause Wyatt was having the 'tummy ache'....and it is hard to soothe them at that time..

Many people can say such cruel words...just keep away from toxic people like that...just walk away to the ones that do have that empathy and loving hearts...the trick is....the ones to leave behind and the ones to keep on your new 'journey'....you will find that you will have to make some tough choices with your new circle...but better than to keep certain people around even though they have been your friends for years....even family members can be let go...you may have to see them at family gatherings...but you don't have to invite them to your house or give them a hug around their neck...for all you want to do is wring their neck.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Becky...loved your poem...I think it took a lot guts to post that on FB. I feel the same way, but I'm kind of chicken about saying it publicly. However, I may gut it up and post it to my FB page..Hope you don't mind.

You may post it wherever you wish!!

[daveydow1]

Becky----Your poem hits the mark so truly. Thanks for posting it.

Kate----

Oh....I guess we have all heard that quote....that 'God never gives us

more than we can bear'....I often thought that whoever says that quote has

not lost a child, and that the quote can be cause for further sorrow, in a way.

I know they may mean well, but, geez-----can't they just say...."I'm sorry" and

let it go? Hoping your gardening will give some measure of calmness to

you and your dear husband. Sending prayers.

Betsy-----

Love your post about Rich's fav color. My Davey never really said

what his favorite color was, but he did choose a lot of blue in clothing, and

also white for shirts. He once gave me a nice blanket for my bed, and it was

white. I still have it.

Dee-----

Yep---we could use the rain too. Our cornfield was planted a couple

wks. ago, and we've had very little rain since. I had to water the rhubarb

patch today. It's a spring plant, and the stalks were beginning to look stressed,

so I watered them. (It's a small patch). We planted the garden today........beets,

green beans, tomato plants, pepper plants, and potatoes. The onions were

planted a couple wks. ago, and they are already up. About babysitting......you

are not a failure.....I had the same thing happen to me when I babysat Becky's

oldest child when he was about 2 or 3 mo. old. He was a breastfed baby, and

he began to scream and scream and, like you,....there was no way to console

him, and he refused the bottle she left for him. I called Becky in the middle of

the night, and told her we were bring the baby home. They lived over 20 mi. from us,

and the baby screamed all the way home. When he screamed, he began to almost choke etc.

and that was enough to scare us so much, since our Lisa choked to death so long ago, but the memory

came back immediately. When he was reunited with his mommy, he was fine.

I guess that sometimes babies only want their mommy, and nothing else will do, right?

Laurie-----Yes, those nagging questions can really be a torment to the mind.

Wishing you some calmness and tranquility, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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