Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Getting a lot of loose strings tied up.....

listening to John David's music....

and it came to me....

Who knows...Maybe he is hanging with Stevie Ray Vaughan.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

i came across the slide show from forest's funeral on line a minute ago. i didn't know it was on there.

i "screen printed" a shot of him holding his little sister in the rocking chair

helping his brother logan ride a trike

and holding his brother marshall up at the zoo.

logan told me the other day "there are 5 ant hills with tiny ants by forest" he said he knew because it was muddy and the grass has not grown over the grave yet so he had to lie down next to him, i didn't know he went and lie on his grave. i thought i was the only one that did that. he also told me he wished i would have put the memorial money towards a full size statue of forest and put it on my property because it would be easier to hang out with him. then he said he wanted statues of all of them eventually memorialized together full size. wish i could. anyway my friend heard elizabeth edwards speak while she was alive and she said she lie on her son's grave everyday for a year so now i don't feel so crazy.

I actually do the same thing. I am going to put in some better grade grass seed than our cemetary provides for this reason.

[tobyfreefoot]

laurie--it is a comforting feeling isn't it? it is one of the only places i feel at peace. i was thinking i would put some seed there as our cemetery just waits for the burmuda to take over. i also plan to plant the whole thing with crocus bulbs. they come up before they start mowing and are short enough to look like grass before they bloom. my mom and i are going to do this for all of our deceased family. (we have a very small family)

[ericasmom]

Susan, Stevie Ray would be honored to hang with your Boy, and maybe Richie Havens too, and visa-versa.

[Walkbyfaith7]

Hello everyone, how are yall doing? Its been a rough week and a half for me, I've been so sad, can't stop crying. Seeing everyone around me have their baby or just seeing all the pregnant people around me is so hard. Everyday I wish my baby was with us. I think I'm starting to become really depressed, I barely sleep anymore, I'm always tired, but I just sit in my house and cry. My family told me to just get over it, life goes on. That makes me more depressed, I hope you all are doing much better.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

It's raining here today... God's way of telling me that it's time to rest from yardwork!! Hubby and I opened the pool on Saturday. Too cold yet to use it, but I enjoy looking at it from my dining room window... and remembering...

Thank you Sherry for your birthday wishes for Jared! I had the opportunity at the birthday gathering to speak to his friends, who are now all driving, about texting or driving distracted in anyway. They all told me they never used their phones while driving. I hope that is true.

Danielle, the daughter of one of my friends, that had a heart attack two weeks after giving birth, has been sent home to recover! She is still very weak, still having to use oxygen and having to learn to walk again, but is very happy to be home with her new baby and her other three children and husband.

[ericasmom]

Becky, yes, yesterday it drizzled some and I told my husband that the rain was protecting his body from over-use with gardening. But today he managed to do a ton of work and is tired.

So pretty here today, in the 70's.

Peace to all,

oh and Faith, just hang on and see if you can find someone in the area that conducts grief groups for parents who lose babies. You need a support around you and your family does not know how to be that for you. YOu are not imagining the sadness, it is clearly a loss and your body as well as your heart is mourning.

[tobyfreefoot]

walkbyfaith7 i am so sorry to read about your heartbreaking loss. i once had a miscarriage and my usually loving mother told me she didn't think i needed any more children anyway. people just don't understand the loss of a child. no matter how short a time you had her she was your precious baby you had been waiting and planning for then you had to see her entire life. that was all there was of it. i hate that with my 28 year old son. 6 days is an unfathomably short time to get to have her. you keep right on coming here and cry all you want. we hold so much love in our hearts for you. we have all lost so much. it has made my heart just overflow with compassion for others walking this same tragic road. i would like my son to hold her for you until you can as he didn't get to have any children and he was really good with them and would have loved a little girl so.

my daughter called an hour ago and apparently just had a miscarriage. she didn't know she was pregnant. she was crying but said she said she had to get to work by 5 so she had to get it together. this world is a very hard place sometimes. i am so glad all of you are willing to come and share your pain and moments of hope with me.

[daveydow1]

Mikesdad----Remembering you in thoughts & prayers.

Kate-----Having a "cheshire-cat nap".....Glad that you

took the opportunity to take that refreshing little nap.

Gretchen----

I'm sorry that your daughter has had a miscarriage.

That has to be so difficult & painful......sending prayers.

Thanks for the dear pics.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

laurie--it is a comforting feeling isn't it? it is one of the only places i feel at peace. i was thinking i would put some seed there as our cemetery just waits for the burmuda to take over. i also plan to plant the whole thing with crocus bulbs. they come up before they start mowing and are short enough to look like grass before they bloom. my mom and i are going to do this for all of our deceased family. (we have a very small family)

I am wondering if there is nicer grade of grass seed that could be used. Does anyone know if Kentucky blue grass would hold up to wisconsin winters?

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh my, Gretchen...I am so sorry. It is very difficult to lose a baby. I lost two when I was young. Both boys. Sending healing thoughts her way. Sherry...how are you? It rained cats and dogs late afternoon. We are supposedly expecting a snow shower at some time over the evening. The snow melted in record breaking time. The ground was so dry that it was absorbed quickly. Hope things are going well your way. When are you able to start seeding? Carol, so sorry that your anniversary was so difficult. Sending warm thoughts your way. (HUGS) To everyone, both old and new. Hold on. It does get better with faith and time. Stay strong. Enjoy the days that we are given to the fullest. I know it is not easy at the beginning. How could it be? But eventually time softens it all. Love to everyone. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

From Mikes Mom

LAURIE: I viewed your memorial site to your Jesse-David...beautifully done...a wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. I am so very sorry that you have having such a difficult time finding justice for him. I too had the "premonition" period of my son's leaving this earth before we did...but it was I who had them, not our son. I knew when he was just 5 that he would leave us. It is very difficult to describe, but I just knew. I can still remember the day it happened, and every thought that passed through my brain into my heart at the time. And, like Dee said, your post was not "stupid." We post our feelings, and here, were get understanding, acceptance, and comfort. A true blessing of this site. I love what your mom posted, and am so glad that you have her support in your grief.

*********************************************************************

Thank you for viewing Jesse's memorial site. Today a letter came from our DA stating that because I wrote him with so many unanswered questions regarding this case, they were going to do some additional investigating. I know something just is not right with the story from the girl who ran over my son. Hopefully some truth will come out of this.

As far as your comment on the "premonition period" on Mike, I believe I have always had some kind of bad feeling for my Jesse. In fact right after we moved to this town in 1995, every time I crossed that road where he now has died, I always had a sort of black feeling, I now know why.

Jesse started really stating he felt he would not "live a long life" last April. There may have been another random time even before that. This feeling was definitely on the increase until it reached a peak level the week before he was killed. My husband, when he first saw the motorcycle Jesse bought, was totally beside himself and told him, no begged him, not to ride it because he would get killed on it. He was super really worked up about it and totally scared for Jesse.

Jesse had kept saying since that April 2012, "When its your turn to go, its your turn to go". He had been saying that way too much. What I have read since from (Kubler-Ross) is that people have an intuitive or spiritual quandrant that at times they can sense what the intellect tries to deny. I believe to some degree this is what happened to my son.

I am still so angry at myself for ever helping him to purchase that hateful, hateful motorcycle. I knew something was off but just didn't seem to piece everything together. I was actually actively looking for situations that were life threatening to Jesse, but the motorcycle, it was like I was blind to the most obvious thing in front of my nose. I hate myself for having so many warning signs and not figuring out what was so incredibly obvious. I usually am very good at analyzing things (I had been a computer programmer once upon a time before my life was totally destroyed).

My youngest son and I talked about this yesterday (was I supposed to figure it out??) and he said when "God wants you up there, He is going to come down here and get you." And in so many ways Jesse was an "older soul" in a young man's body. People were naturally drawn to him because of his gentle compassion for others, especially the elderly or hurting.

I was never given to exploring this type of stuff before and spent most of my adult life in a ordinary christian church. I was ordinary person going about my business. We have always felt strongly about actually living out Jesus teachings in everyday life, especially my son Jesse. This death premonition stuff just didn't fit into anything I had every heard about regarding religious life or anything else. I do know another mom from my church who lost her son young, who seemed to experience have these spiritual oddities. It doesn't make it hurt any less but in some ways, I don't know, does it even help? I haven't made up my mind on that yet. In the case with this woman from my church, her young son who was 8 knew for about a year he was going to die. And when the accident did happen to them, his older sister (at the time she was age 9) made it through the accident. She told me an angel protected her from injury and carried her from the main accident scene.

These are the stories I hold on to.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

From Becky,

Danielle, the daughter of one of my friends, that had a heart attack two weeks after giving birth, has been sent home to recover! She is still very weak, still having to use oxygen and having to learn to walk again, but is very happy to be home with her new baby and her other three children and husband.

This is so wonderful!!!!!!!! I am thankful that she is recovering and is back to her family!

[mikesmomrs]

LAURIE: Thank you so much for sharing that about Jesse David. I know that sometimes when we speak of such things, our hearts cry, our souls shake, but sometimes it is good to speak of such things...though they may stir memories that bring us pain, they also remind us of those that are balm to our hurting hearts. I agree with what your younger son said yesterday: ""When God wants you up there, He is going to come down here and get you." And I also believe that God knows from the beginning when that is going to be. I have written the story of how I "knew" about Mike's leaving us early; I wrote it after he died. I had to put it into words, written down, and so that is what I did. I copied it from my journal to post here, so that is why the paragraphs are in place...as I had said before, I can't seem to do that on here any longer. (It is lengthy, but impossible to shorten without losing the continuity. I hope you will bear with me and indulge my desire to post it here.) When Mike was just five years old, he began kindergarten on a small tropical island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean: Guam. The schools there at that time were in deplorable condition. I took Mike school that first day, and stayed with him while he had his breakfast. He was SO excited about going to school, “and I’ll be big, like my sisters, right?” Of course, I am sure you can imagine how much he talked about it in the weeks before it actually happened, with his sisters and dad and myself telling him how great it was going to be, how he would play, and color, and sing, etc. Well, on the first day, after he had his breakfast, I walked over to his classroom with him. (We had not been able to see the classroom before that day, because the school was not open to visits) At the door of the classroom stood a very tired looking placard, about 3’ tall, of Charlie Brown, pointing the way into the classroom. I thought “Well, this looks promising”—despite the obvious well-used look of the placard. When we walked through the door, we were in another world. A world of four walls covered with an industrial looking grey paint, chipping off here and there, with the only furniture being a few scattered, well-worn tiny chairs, a teacher’s desk, and an old, grey gym mat that took up almost half of the floor space, torn almost completely down one side, exposing the ugly gray foam inside. No books. No colorful posters. No pictures of the ABC’s. No crayons or paint sets. No welcome notes written on the boards. The only things that were on the walls were some dirty handprints by the light switches, likely left over from the previous year. I was in shock. I thought we were in the wrong place.

Just as we turned to go, a young man, probably in his late 20’s, came in and said “Hi, everybody, I am Mr. So and So.” He had a long, stringy ponytail hanging down his back, and before I left, he had taken the elastic off and the hair was hanging and falling down all over him—reminding me of “Cousin It” from the Addams Family—remember that? His clothing consisted of a pair of very ragged cut off jean shorts, a tank top, filthy, untied sneakers that had seen better days, and no socks. Well, you know, I do consider myself somewhat of the "old school," but I do have an open mind about things changing, being more “casual,” etc. But the sight of that classroom-dungeon, and the totally unkempt teacher (I think he was clean—I remember his hair looking shiny when it hung over his face), nothing in the room for the kids to spark an interest, I just wept inside. It was SUCH a let down for all the kids, not just Mike. All of the kids were standing there like they were waiting for someone to say “Okay, everybody, this is the storeroom, we were just joking—your nice shiny classroom, filled with bright colors and books and happy posters is right next door!”

But, no such words came, and the teacher kind of shoo-shooed the parents out and reminded them what time class would dismiss.

I drove to work, crying all the way. I kept telling myself that things would be better. Perhaps Mr. So and So had just gotten in from the mainland after visiting family in the States (most of the teachers were Americans, but did actually live on the island), and hadn’t had time to do anything with the room yet. "Things will be better tomorrow," I told myself over and over, but inside I was aching for Mike, and all the other little 5 year olds who had spent the last few weeks looking forward to their first day of school, only to be let down so sadly.

When I got home that night (and, to make matters worse, this was only my second week at work—I had been a stay-at-home mom all of Mike’s life so far—so he was adjusting to two HUGE changes in his life at once), Mike was very quiet, and when I talked to him about his first day of school, he said he didn’t think he wanted to go back. We talked some more about it, and I suggested that maybe the teacher was just getting here, etc., and he would fix things up later. Mike said “Mommy, we never got any crayons today, and we didn’t do any singing—he LOVED to sing—and we didn’t get a story!"

The next day, unfortunately, was no better; even worse, if possible. When I got there, the teacher was not there. The worn out Charlie Brown I guessed had left for lack of interest, because he was nowhere to be found, either. There was a very small area outside, behind the classroom, enclosed by a chain link fence, with some patches of grass, and some of the children were out there, with a few moms. Class was supposed to start at 8:15, and it was now 8:00. I had to be at work to my new job by 8:30, and it was a 30-minute drive. One of the moms was a woman I knew, and she offered to look after Mike til the teacher came, and if something happened that he didn’t show up, she would take Mike to my husband. So, I left, with MUCH trepidation. By the time I got to work, I could no longer control my tears. My boss’s wife, a mother of five, came in to the office and saw my distress and asked what was wrong. When I told her, she suggested I bring Mike to the Catholic convent, there in the middle of town, as they ran a day care, with a kindergarten class as well—and all five of her children had gone there. She told me I would like it very much, and in fact, I went over there at lunchtime to interview them, and for them to interview me, it turned out! It was a truly beautiful place…lush gardens, rolling hills of grass, an “enclosed” roofless garden, right outside the classroom, where they ate lunch (Guam was summer all year long!), and played. They also sometimes went out to the hill area and played there, as there was lots of room to run around. The classroom was designed by someone who cared, for sure! Color everywhere! A music corner, a “dress-up” corner, a drawing corner, etc., etc. And a wonderful, happy, smiling nun sitting at the desk, chatting with some of the kids. I was elated! I couldn’t wait for Mike to see it! They had an opening, luckily, and he could start on Monday (this was a Friday). She told me that I could bring him by to “look around” over the weekend if he’d like, so he would feel more familiar on Monday.

We took him down there the next day, and he wandered around, touching this and touching that, looking up each time to see if there was approval of his touching “all the stuff.” Sister introduced him to a couple of the other nuns, and of course, being the only one there at the time, he was the “child of the hour,” which made him very happy. He talked about it all the way home, and all the rest of the weekend. On Monday morning, the first thing he asked me was if he was still going to “that new school, with all the things to do there.” I told him yes, he was, and he was so happy!

The drive to the new school was filled with songs and smiles, the anticipation shining in his eyes like a beacon. When we got there, he went right in and made himself at home, and all of the kids already there came over to him to invite him into their little world of laughs and giggles and wonder—he was beside himself with joy—as was I!

As I drove away from the school, I was overcome with relief and gratitude, and then before I knew it, I was crying. I pulled over at an outcropping of the road, and let the tears come. Tears of joy and sadness slid down my face as I thought of the days gone by and the days ahead. What would they hold for us? For him? I knew, of course, that the stress of the past couple of days, the worry about Mike’s first experience at “real school” being such a sad experience, being so quickly replaced by my elation over the newfound haven in the form of a kindergarten classroom tucked into the corner of a convent, had made me very emotional. So, as I sat there in my car, under the shade of some coconut trees, I shed my “first day of school for my baby” tears, and took some time to calm down. When I was calm again, I started to drive away to go to work. But before I pulled back onto the road, I felt a need to settle back against my seat for another moment. I had stopped crying, and felt completely calm.

But there was something else, something I couldn’t quite grasp in my head. And then I felt it in my heart—I remembered the day he was born. How worried I was the weeks and months before that day, and how, after a lot of prayers, I had finally found the peace and serenity that allowed me to bring my baby into the world in a happy state of mind, with all the promises of the future placed in my arms in the form of my precious son. And I knew. I don’t know how I knew. I just knew. No words were spoken. No scenarios were formed in my mind. And yet, all of the words were spoken, the scenarios formed and slid through my mind, leaving only one thought—my son was only on loan. Of course, all of our children are “on loan” when you think about it. They aren’t “ours"; they are merely in our charge, to love and nurture and teach, and introduce to the world—and the world to them. And then to leave them behind as we travel on to our final world—the world of eternity. But somehow I knew at that very moment that I would not leave my son and travel on…I knew that HE would leave US and travel on, to that “world of eternity” before us. Strangely, I did not feel a tremendous sadness over these thoughts, just a sort of acceptance; a peaceful realization that that was how it was going to be. I didn’t cry. No tears spilled over. I just sat there and felt that trail of thoughts travel through my being, and settle in my heart. I would outlive my son. And it would be okay. Such a contradiction of words! But at that moment, no sense of urgency, or sorrow, or loss, came over me; just that same, warm, peaceful feeling that I had felt five years before, while looking out that hospital window and I had stopped to pray my worries away, and felt that “call” of giving myself and my child over to God. And now I was learning that this was how it was going to play out—I would outlive my son. I rolled down my window and let the warm, tropical air drift in. I hadn’t realized it, but I was shaking, chilly from the cold air of the car air conditioner? Or chilled by the non-thoughts that were floating through my being? I looked out the window then, up into the blueness of the sky and said “You knew, You knew, didn’t you?” “Of course You did—You know everything,” I said. And then I said, “But you’re going to have to help me with this, You know that, too, I hope.” And I rolled the window up again, and pulled out onto the roadway and went to work.

I never told anyone, not even my husband, and I never thought about it again, not even the times when Mike came close to being killed over the course of his short life…when at 2 or so, he nearly drowned when no one saw him slip under the water at the pond, but his sister, Cathi, who was standing nearby, reached into the water when she felt something bump against her leg, and pulled him back out, sputtering and spitting; when at 5 or so, we were visiting a scenic site in Guam, and he nearly ran off a 500 foot cliff, because he was so excited and “wanted to look” at what everyone else was looking at. He was snapped back by his collar, again by his sister Cathi, when no one else noticed he was running full speed towards that cliff; a few years later when he went flying, head first, over the handlebars of his bike, and barely missing a pile of huge rocks, and wound up with a just a scraped chin; and later yet, when he actually did fall off a cliff in New Hampshire, escaping with only a cut on the back of his head and a broken wrist; when he went to California, alone, to “find himself,” with no money, and lived under bridges and on beaches, traveling from Sacramento to Los Angeles and many places in between, but returned to us, safe and sound—and experienced his first grand mal seizure, alone, in the middle of the street, but only three miles from home. Not even when his car was hit by a tractor trailer truck, him with NO seat belt on—I just knew that was not the time, yet I didn’t even think that it might be the time—I just never consciously thought of it. Until May 18, 2005. And then I knew. No promises from the doctors for ongoing treatment that might end in a miracle. No thoughts of gathering family to pray for a miracle. I knew that now we had to pray and to gather our strength to help him through this, to help him on this journey, the journey that I knew 24 years before would come. I just didn’t know when—til now.

Throughout Mike’s life, when I prayed for him, my prayer was always that he would be kept safe, kept from harm, kept close to God. When he was old enough, he fought that every step of the way, beginning in his late teens. He was never any trouble in his teens. He did well in school, went to church, etc., started college, but didn’t like it, so wanted to “wait” and do it later. So, he got a job, and then over time, he got interested in a lot of things—learning about nature, history, art, and music; but also tattoos, piercings, bleaching his hair, dying his hair, tall leather boots, and then, eventually, the worst of all—turning his back on God. Walking away. Into Wicca. Our hearts were broken, but we continued to pray. And we continued to stick by him. My husband was initially of the mindset that we should “not allow Mike in our house” while he was practicing this “Wicca.” It’s true that it went against our most cherished beliefs. But we had learned from Mike himself, early on, that you don’t judge people by what they do or think or believe. You love them. And that is what we continued to do for him. And we continued to pray. And God continued to answer those prayers by redirecting Mike, giving him a little rope, then pulling him back in when he went too far…funneling him back to that path that he needed to be on when this final journey would begin—this final journey that God knew about, from the beginning...and I knew about when he was five. Each time throughout his life, when Mike strayed down a road that would lead him away from where he needed to be when that call came, he was guided back on track by some “coincidental, timely” event, including, blessedly, a short time after his second surgery, returning to the God who truly loved him, re-committing his life to Him, and completing the turning around of his life that he had begun a couple of years before that. And this is how I know that God heard me long ago, as I sat in my car, a tiny little speck on a tiny little island, and prayed to Him “You’re going to have to help me with this, You know that, too, I hope.” And He did. Because, He knew, too. And most importantly, because He loved, too.

[mikesmomrs]

BECKY: such wonderful news. Many blessings and strength to this determined young woman and her family, in her journey back to health. GRETCHEN: I like that idea about the crocus bulbs...I may do that also. I am so very sorry about your daughter's miscarriage; and having to go right to work?! Oh, my gosh, my heart breaks for her! LAURIE: Please try not to blame yourself for not speaking up when David Jesse got the motorcycle. You likely couldn't have stopped him. Strength to your heart, Laurie, is my prayer for your. WALKBYFAITH7: I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby. And I am also very sorry that your family is not being more supportive. Please post here and we will hold you close in our hearts as you walk this journey. Seeing others with their baby, etc., can be pain for your heart, I know. I agree with DEE's suggestion to look for groups who offer support for those who have lost their baby. That kind of support can be very helpful. SHERRY: Nice to see you here; have you and your husband managed any spring planting yet? DEE: It has been pretty here, also. I have some things I've wanted to plant, but just don't have the motivation; hopefully, I will, before it is too late to get them into the ground. We are expecting a very dry rest of spring and summer here; already 3" down in the annual rainfall by this time of year. I know you are inundated with water there, and I wish some of it could be transported here. I've seen some pictures of the flooding in the areas that are receiving too much rain..it is so disheartening to see all that damage done. KATE: Sending love and prayers to you and your husband. I hope you soon go back to the warmer days and sunshine. You are both in my prayers. I am traveling to see my sister Dorothy tomorrow; Davis is going with me. I still just can't seem to settle my mind about traveling alone that far. Every single time I ever went there, my husband was with me, and it is just too hard to do it alone. It is so bittersweet to visit with her; each time I leave and turn to wave bye one more time, I wonder if it will be the last time I will see her. She is so frail and so very much unlike the sister/mom I've had in my life all these years...She is still the same person, but is getting very forgetful and weak. It breaks my heart to see her lose her independence as that was her trademark. The vision in her right eye is not responding to treatment any longer and seems to be getting worse...she said it is mostly a blur now. I got her a "large lettered" keyboard for her computer and that has seemed to help. It is not the one seen advertised on TV; that one was just too flimsy and the letters were too close together. This one is yellow keys also, but their are larger and further apart. She seems to like this one. Take care all, my prayers are with you always.

[Mermaid Tears]

Carol....thank you for sharing your 'Mother's story'....it touched a very soft place in my heart....

[ericasmom]

Becky, such wonderful news about the Momma returning home to heal.

Carol, Your words are a sacred memory that serves so many to read. Thank you for the post, it has been a long while since I read this and am reminded of the majesty of our Babies Lives.

[Guest]

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[Jeff's Mom]

Thinking of everyone as you go about your daily routines. Not too much to say as we are just busy focusing on health issues. We consider ourselves very lucky as we had a call from Cancer Care and they have given us an amazing oncologist. He is the CEO and head of the Cancer Care for our province. We know we are in good hands with him. Carol, I hope you have a truly lovely visit with Dorothy. Cherish those times spent together as they become less frequent. What a terrific family you have to be so supportive. You deserve it. Lora, hope that earache is gone and you do not tire yourself out completely from all of your activities. Becky, so very happy to hear this news about Danielle. I'm sure her family are delighted to have their Mom back home where she will be able to surround herself with the love of her little ones. Dee....did you get the rains yet? We have had a fairly steady downpour since last evening. Everything is slowly turning green and making steady progress. The moisture was just absorbed into the ground as it was so dry last fall. Brenda...how are you? How is Kaleb doing? Sherry, have you had an opportunity to do any more painting? Well, must get moving. Take care. Kate

[Guest]

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[Walkbyfaith7]

Hello everyone, I just want to say thank you all for the kind words. I really need things like that, it feels good to hear nice things and know that people understand my pain. Once again thank you and I really appreciate y'all. I pray that things get better for everyone.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Carol, Thank you for sharing your story. I am very honored to be able to read it. I believe that sharing of stories provides a healing balm for the soul. At other times stories serve as teaching tools, I think of how often Jesus shared stories so others could understand. Stories help us process our deep seated emotions and to reach across barriers and to be understood. So thank you.

Lora, thank you for sharing about your daughter as well. I noticed in one of her pictures the joy she portrayed to others. Her soul was very beautiful.

****************************************************************

Kate, praying for your husband.

Walk by faith - I also lost an infant to SIDS. I am so sorry for your loss of your precious one.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, such wonderful news about the Momma returning home to heal.

Carol, Your words are a sacred memory that serves so many to read. Thank you for the post, it has been a long while since I read this and am reminded of the majesty of our Babies Lives.

Dee, I read the story about the angel light at the time of ERIs accident. It was sacred. I have been reading many hospice stories and I have found so many have seen that when a person transitions from this life to the next. In the past, people would not talk about the experiences they had witnessed during death and dying but that reluctance seems to be changing.

[daveydow1]

Kate---So good to hear that you have found such a good and capable

Dr. for your husband. My prayers are with you. I have done a small

amt. of painting lately, but have been busy with other things, so have

not gotten back to finish the painting lately. Oh well.....it will wait......

no big deal. Hope your weather is spring-like now. It was lovely here

today. Husband had to cut grass again.....we have nearly 2 acres to

do. We're glad the rest is all in fields. They'll be planting it soon....corn

this year.....all the way back to the woods.

Lora----Hope you'll be feeling better soon. Earaches are dreadful.

Carol----My husband has planted two or three seedling pines...that's about

all of the planting so far. I loved your story of you & Ralph, and the love

you shared. Lovely story.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I do agree, many parents and siblings who go through this deep loss do have signs that allow them to see or know or feel that their Beloved is safe and shining on them. It is amazing, and it is a gift in the face of so much lost. It yanks on us as we grieve and celebrate the power of our Baby's spirit all at once.

Kate, I am so glad that the doctor assigned to your Husband's case is a top-notch Doc. So good.

Lora, hate the earaches associated with allergies. The tree pollen today is very high, three trees; Maple, Birch, and Poplar this week are causing massive allergies in folks. Last week it was the magnolias and two others that caused me great headache, earache, throat pain. I do take quite a load of allergy meds in the spring.

[Mike's dad]

The baby is doing better, her doctor is going to try to find a medication for her to help her stay calm. But, might be unable to find one... Everything is ok again. I think mike was looking out for his baby brother.

After we went to the mall, she kept looking at the jewelry store. I asked if she wanted to go in, knowing I hate that stuff she said no. I knew she did so we went in.

I asked her if she liked anything, she pointed out one of the wedding rings and said that's what she would want when she finds someone. Once I told her I'd never marry again. She took it to heart...

I asked if she had anyone in mind. She started to cry, we had lunch and I took her home, I said I forgot something, went back to the store and bought the ring. Is it ok to move on? I know I'm already having a baby, but getting married? Is it too much? I just don't know...

Side note, I leave to see mike's friend in 4 days!!! So excited!!!

[Jeff's Mom]

The baby is doing better, her doctor is going to try to find a medication for her to help her stay calm. But, might be unable to find one... Everything is ok again. I think mike was looking out for his baby brother.

After we went to the mall, she kept looking at the jewelry store. I asked if she wanted to go in, knowing I hate that stuff she said no. I knew she did so we went in.

I asked her if she liked anything, she pointed out one of the wedding rings and said that's what she would want when she finds someone. Once I told her I'd never marry again. She took it to heart...

I asked if she had anyone in mind. She started to cry, we had lunch and I took her home, I said I forgot something, went back to the store and bought the ring. Is it ok to move on? I know I'm already having a baby, but getting married? Is it too much? I just don't know...

Side note, I leave to see mike's friend in 4 days!!! So excited!!!

Mike, so glad to hear the baby is doing fine. When you get a chance at honest happiness then you need to go for it. There is never a time that is right or wrong. We are all different. I have learned a very valuable lesson these past three years since my son died and now my husband is very ill. Life is fleeting. If you have desires and goals...go for it. Don't waste time over thinking things too much. Tomorrow may be your time to go and so you need to embrace life with everything you've got. I hope that in time your daughter will come to accept this new life. I hope that you will include her in it along with everyone else. As long as we treat others with respect and carry our loved ones in our hearts they will never die. Congrats. And good luck with your visit! kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.3040304664024.1073741830.1755288865&type=1

Not sure how many of you can open this. It is an album of pictures I took around the yard today, after about a month of work... Now things are beginning to bloom and bud.

Let me know and I can post a few of them if you can't get to the FB page.

[dsmurph]

Pretty Pictures!

[Jeff's Mom]

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.3040304664024.1073741830.1755288865&type=1

Not sure how many of you can open this. It is an album of pictures I took around the yard today, after about a month of work... Now things are beginning to bloom and bud.

Let me know and I can post a few of them if you can't get to the FB page.

Sorry Becky, I can't open them. I'm sure they are just lovely. Thanks anyway. Kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here ya go, Kate! Sorry about that!

Jared's Memorial Heart given by our neighbor.

This flowerbed had timbers around that had rotted, replaced with bricks.

Opened the pool last Saturday, still very cold!!

New stone pathway, old one was too thin, grass growing over.

The koi pond.

The waterfall behind where our pool is. Built this in 2001.

Looking towards the corner and Jared's favorite tree to climb.

Jared's favorite tree to climb.

Re-Used the slate pieces here that came from the pathway.

Butterfly landed on azalea bush while I was taking pictures!

My Grandfather's lawn furniture that is over 100 years old, fixed and repainted.

I love to look at the pool, but it was mostly for the kids, they enjoyed it so much. We built it when Jared was only five. I found a camera recently that may have been used to take pics when we first built the pool, and I am waiting for the film to get developed!! That would be awesome!!

This is the "castle climber" we got for Jared and Jasmine in 2000. Jared could run right up the A-frame and walk across the top!

[Jeff's Mom]

Here ya go, Kate! Sorry about that!

Jared's Memorial Heart given by our neighbor.

This flowerbed had timbers around that had rotted, replaced with bricks.

Opened the pool last Saturday, still very cold!!

New stone pathway, old one was too thin, grass growing over.

The koi pond.

The waterfall behind where our pool is. Built this in 2001.

Looking towards the corner and Jared's favorite tree to climb.

Jared's favorite tree to climb.

Re-Used the slate pieces here that came from the pathway.

Butterfly landed on azalea bush while I was taking pictures!

My Grandfather's lawn furniture that is over 100 years old, fixed and repainted.

I love to look at the pool, but it was mostly for the kids, they enjoyed it so much. We built it when Jared was only five. I found a camera recently that may have been used to take pics when we first built the pool, and I am waiting for the film to get developed!! That would be awesome!!

This is the "castle climber" we got for Jared and Jasmine in 2000. Jared could run right up the A-frame and walk across the top!

Becky, the pictures are just lovely! It's obvious that you take a great deal of pride and pleasure in working on your property. I love the pool and it looks so inviting. I imagine you have spent many hours relaxing in your yard. The furniture is really beautiful. I just returned from the city to find approximately one inch of slushy snow on our steps. My name is on one of those chairs around your pool!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Becky, the pictures are just lovely! It's obvious that you take a great deal of pride and pleasure in working on your property. I love the pool and it looks so inviting. I imagine you have spent many hours relaxing in your yard. The furniture is really beautiful. I just returned from the city to find approximately one inch of slushy snow on our steps. My name is on one of those chairs around your pool!

Thanks, Kate! I don't know how much time I spend relaxing, as there always seems something to do, but my kids have spent many happy hours, and their friends as well. We would have 5 or 6 boys here when Jared was playing sports, and they all wanted to spend the weekend. Jasmine too, as we had a neighborhood party for her birthday every year as her birthday is in July, and hot enough to enjoy the pool.

You are welcome ANYTIME!

Carol, thanks for sharing your story with us! So touching... I have to say that I had no forewarning at all. Never ever dreamed that my youngest child would not live to see adulthood. He always said he was never leaving here, as he loved our home, and he would stay and take care of me and dad. I think of his words often when I look at his urn in the living room, and think that he will be here forever as long as I live anyway. Now, Jasmine, who was always the adventurer and the one who couldn't wait to get out on her own, now she says she's never leaving either. We rely very heavily on each other to keep going and just to get through the days.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Angel Boy of Mine, on 01 May 2013 - 12:54 PM, said:

Here ya go, Kate! Sorry about that!

spring2013 (1).jpg Jared's Memorial Heart given by our neighbor.

spring2013 (3).jpg This flowerbed had timbers around that had rotted, replaced with bricks.

spring2013 (7).jpg Opened the pool last Saturday, still very cold!!

spring2013 (8).jpg New stone pathway, old one was too thin, grass growing over.

spring2013 (9).jpg The koi pond.

spring2013 (16).jpg The waterfall behind where our pool is. Built this in 2001.

spring2013 (18).jpg Looking towards the corner and Jared's favorite tree to climb.

spring2013 (31).jpg Jared's favorite tree to climb.

spring2013 (19).jpg Re-Used the slate pieces here that came from the pathway.

spring2013 (29).jpg Butterfly landed on azalea bush while I was taking pictures!

spring2013 (32).jpg My Grandfather's lawn furniture that is over 100 years old, fixed and repainted.

spring2013 (33).jpg I love to look at the pool, but it was mostly for the kids, they enjoyed it so much. We built it when Jared was only five. I found a camera recently that may have been used to take pics when we first built the pool, and I am waiting for the film to get developed!! That would be awesome!!

spring2013 (26).jpg This is the "castle climber" we got for Jared and Jasmine in 2000. Jared could run right up the A-frame and walk across the top!

Becky, the pictures are just lovely! It's obvious that you take a great deal of pride and pleasure in working on your property. I love the pool and it looks so inviting. I imagine you have spent many hours relaxing in your yard. The furniture is really beautiful. I just returned from the city to find approximately one inch of slushy snow on our steps. My name is on one of those chairs around your pool!

I agree with Kate, what a lovely back yard.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Posted Today, 09:27 AM

Mike, on 01 May 2013 - 08:29 AM, said:

The baby is doing better, her doctor is going to try to find a medication for her to help her stay calm. But, might be unable to find one... Everything is ok again. I think mike was looking out for his baby brother.

After we went to the mall, she kept looking at the jewelry store. I asked if she wanted to go in, knowing I hate that stuff she said no. I knew she did so we went in.

I asked her if she liked anything, she pointed out one of the wedding rings and said that's what she would want when she finds someone. Once I told her I'd never marry again. She took it to heart...

I asked if she had anyone in mind. She started to cry, we had lunch and I took her home, I said I forgot something, went back to the store and bought the ring. Is it ok to move on? I know I'm already having a baby, but getting married? Is it too much? I just don't know...

Side note, I leave to see mike's friend in 4 days!!! So excited!!!

Mike, so glad to hear the baby is doing fine. When you get a chance at honest happiness then you need to go for it. There is never a time that is right or wrong. We are all different. I have learned a very valuable lesson these past three years since my son died and now my husband is very ill. Life is fleeting. If you have desires and goals...go for it. Don't waste time over thinking things too much. Tomorrow may be your time to go and so you need to embrace life with everything you've got. I hope that in time your daughter will come to accept this new life. I hope that you will include her in it along with everyone else. As long as we treat others with respect and carry our loved ones in our hearts they will never die. Congrats. And good luck with your visit! kate

How wonderful. I would love to see a picture of the ring if you can.

[shorty16]

I'm an Angel's Mom

I purchased this from Greg, Brain's Dad.

That will never get old

Colleen Brian's Mom 4 ever

[Mermaid Tears]

My Daniel has open heart quadruple by pass surgery this morning....the Dr. is very positive about the surgery...my Randa has not left my side...Jesse came yesterday and spent the night...Jason came...and Aaron...(the Dr. son) flew in from California and got here at 5:30 in the morning and came to the hospital...Jeremy is still in Oregon....and John David is here with me in spirit....all is well....I am very, very tired. Thank you for your prayers that lift us up...

[Mike's dad]

http://www.morganjewelers.com/engagementandwedding/categories/engagement-rings/only-you-diamond-engagement-ring.html this is the ring. I'm going to give it to her Friday night when we go to dinner.

[ericasmom]

Susan, thank Heavens Daniel has good surgeons and great family and A SUPER ANGEL watching over him as his body begins to heal and respond to this treatment. I will send many prayers for full healing and for you to get some sleep when you are able. Those wonderful kids all around you both.

Peace.

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, that is wonderful news. Wishing Daniel a speedy recovery. Sending good wishes and prayers your way. Kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Susan, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this time. My dad had five bypasses after two initial stents at age 72, and he is still going strong at 84. Recovery was long, and hard for my dad, cause he was used to being able to get up and go, and he had to learn to take it easy.

Wow, Mike's dad, that is some ring!!

[Guest]

..

[tobyfreefoot]

though it might not be as bright as it was it may still break through the clouds for us yet.

my aunt from st louis (89) came down and visited forest's grave. she lost her 55 year old daughter 7 years ago to breast cancer. while there i saw that one of forest's friends had come up from houston and attached an angel to his headstone and written in the journal now she would always be with him as he is with her. so sweet.

[dsmurph]

Thank you Cara's Mom-Lora and Forest's Mom Gretchen. Emily was the same as your daughter Lora, she had unconditional love for everyone.

Gretchen, Thank you for sharing something so uplifting and beautiful with us.

[shorty16]

You go Mike

Wow, so glad the baby is ok and you are moving on with your life with your girlfriend?? and taking your son with you.

We can never replace the child we lost. I have 2 other children and neither could even begin to be my Brian..nor would I want them to.

So happy for you.

Colleen, Brian's mom 4 ever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Lora

Posted Today, 01:07 PM

I got my first proof back for the front of Cara's memorial and it was on the wrong shaped stone. I have all pictures picked out.

I never realized how much I have only left certain people in my life, since the loss of Cara, even family, I guess I can only carry my own grief and need my alone time. I have found that now instead of people looking at me with sadness, most are inspired, motivated, so when we are hard on ourselves and get discouraged, just remember, this is a hard journey, we give others hope.

Hopefully the second time for Cara’s memorial will be better. I may try and post Jesse’s memorial later for everyone.

I very much identify with your second paragraph above. Some people I thought I could count on just ran out on me (including my childhood friend who just kind of disappeared. I know she has a hard time dealing with deep, intense things, sigh...) , others said too many foolish things, some people just have a "too rigid" or "knowing" point of view about something they really know nothing about. There were so many spiritual oddities with Jesse’s death that I am fiercely struggling with to try and piece together, that I didn’t expect. Right now I just need people I feel very secure with, most of them are people who have had some hard things in life too and have gained some wisdom from it. I believe there is a time where many people need to process their grief alone, through I believe that my guardian angel is there with me. Especially because of that last night I talked with my son...

My other faithful companion, my dog. She has seen the worst of my moments to be sure.

*********************************************************************************

Mikes Dad

Posted Yesterday, 08:48 PM

http://www.morganjew...ement-ring.html this is the ring. I'm going to give it to her Friday night when we go to dinner.

That is just beautiful. White Gold is such a nice color. Wishing you the best this Friday...

**********************************************************************************

Susan

Posted Yesterday, 08:43 PM

My Daniel has open heart quadruple by pass surgery this morning....

I will be praying for your Daniel. I am including a prayer (with modifications) from our **1951** prayer book for you:

Bless Daniel with a restful day and refreshing sleep this night. As Thou watchest over him in these trying days, grant him patience, and let his thoughts dwell on Your goodness. Thou are our Shepherd; make us confident that we shall not want. O gracious Father, we cast all our cares upon Thee, for thou carest for us. Hear our prayer for the sake of Jesus Christ, Amen.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Here is Jesse's memorial. It has not been placed yet. The verse was on the front was his baby dedication verse.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Today, Representative Tim Dukes advised that DelDOT will lower the speed from 50mph to 45mph on our half mile stretch of Providence Church Rd. We appreciate Representative Dukes and Senator Venables working to create this change.

However:

We had really hoped that DelDOT would see the reasoning behind our original request to drop the speed to 35mph, as it would reduce the chance of fatality in a vehicle vs. pedestrian/biker/jogger situation to 50% instead of the 100% statistic driving at 50mph. Reducing the speed to 45mph, does not significantly reduce the risk of death in this type of situation, so I am advising that folks continue to exercise great caution in using this road.

I cannot believe that all our hard work and a battle that has gone on for a year and a half has ended with only a 5mph change. DelDOT called Maryland Roads, and convinced them to also change their section of roadway that they only recently reduced to 40mph, to 45mph as well.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am right now, fighting tears for sure.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Today, Representative Tim Dukes advised that DelDOT will lower the speed from 50mph to 45mph on our half mile stretch of Providence Church Rd. We appreciate Representative Dukes and Senator Venables working to create this change.

However:

We had really hoped that DelDOT would see the reasoning behind our original request to drop the speed to 35mph, as it would reduce the chance of fatality in a vehicle vs. pedestrian/biker/jogger situation to 50% instead of the 100% statistic driving at 50mph. Reducing the speed to 45mph, does not significantly reduce the risk of death in this type of situation, so I am advising that folks continue to exercise great caution in using this road.

I cannot believe that all our hard work and a battle that has gone on for a year and a half has ended with only a 5mph change. DelDOT called Maryland Roads, and convinced them to also change their section of roadway that they only recently reduced to 40mph, to 45mph as well.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am right now, fighting tears for sure.

How sorry I am for you to have such a disappointing end...I am not sure why people have to go so fast anyways and be endangering others. It certainly needs to stop. Maybe this is a sign that you should run for that Representative's job and do the work they don't want to do. I emailed my state rep and called his office twice, I never even got a reply back, totally ignored. And this is a very small community here -- apparently our legislatures think they are elected to hobnob with their pals all day instead of reviewing legislative changes to protect the public good.