Loss of an Adult Child

[annmay142005]

Oh thank you briansdad and Laurie,

You both made me so glad that I entered this post today. I am sure that I will always regret not holding him but I do feel better because of your posts.

thank you again

[kirksdad]

Annmay142005, the night my son died we were listening to the scanner. We were somewhat afraid as we listened because we were trying to call Kirk, but he wasn't answering. I left the house to go to the crash site. I drove about a block away and looked, but couldn't tell what was going on. I then went around the scene and looked from a different direction and was so afraid that it was him. I wanted to get out of the car and see, but was terrified if I did it would be him. I left and went home and waited. Finally the police showed up and took me to the parking lot at our hospital to make the identification. I have wished more than anything that I would have went over to the accident site and been with him even though I know he was killed instantly. It wouldn't have made any difference, but for the regrets I had of being afraid to face the reality of the moment. Facing that situation is so hard, how we behave has no bearing on much of anything. We loved them they loved us and all the things we wish could have been, those feelings of what if, somehow fade with time.

[annmay142005]

kirksdad,

I sympathize with all of your situations, and your story hits home too.

I too know that he was gone, but because of personal beliefs, I think that his soul could hear me and I wanted very much for him to _know_ that I knew he could hear me and that I would see him again. I suppose that is where my concentration was. The doctors had pretty much told me that it might be better "if he went on"... that his life would be of little quality. So I was somewhat conditioned to know he might go... I just can't get it out of my mind that I didn't sit on the bed and pull him to me. That the bed was up high is how I was able to place the side of my face next to his. I wonder if the bed had been positioned lower, would it have crossed my mind to do it then?

Perhaps you are right, maybe on some leval I wasn't facing the situation as it was. Admittedly, I felt the need to get out of the room so that his wife could go in and then I knew the staff was waiting to clear his room. (At a time like this. I was thinking of being considerate??) Even so, I could have waited outside and gone in one more time.

I did however, visit him and hug him (as well as I could; I didn't lift him up) during the two days prior to the funeral, while he was in the preparation room. Of course he was no longer warm and soft. This is the memory I have of him now.

Thank you too so much for sharing. My heart goes out to all of you who answered.

[annmay142005]

kirksdad,

I sympathize with all of your situations, and your story hits home too.

I too know that he was gone, but because of personal beliefs, I think that his soul could hear me and I wanted very much for him to _know_ that I knew he could hear me and that I would see him again. I suppose that is where my concentration was. The doctors had pretty much told me that it might be better "if he went on"... that his life would be of little quality. So I was somewhat conditioned to know he might go... I just can't get it out of my mind that I didn't sit on the bed and pull him to me. That the bed was up high is how I was able to place the side of my face next to his. I wonder if the bed had been positioned lower, would it have crossed my mind to do it then?

Perhaps you are right, maybe on some leval I wasn't facing the situation as it was. Admittedly, I felt the need to get out of the room so that his wife could go in and then I knew the staff was waiting to clear his room. (At a time like this. I was thinking of being considerate??) Even so, I could have waited outside and gone in one more time.

I did however, visit him and hug him (as well as I could; I didn't lift him up) during the two days prior to the funeral, while he was in the preparation room. Of course he was no longer warm and soft. This is the memory I have of him now.

Thank you too so much for sharing. My heart goes out to all of you who answered.

[messenger]

I THINK EVERYONE OF US..LOOKS BACK AND THINKS WE SHOULD HAVE,,WE COULD HAVE ETC..BUT DONT DWELL ON IT....WE WERE ALL NUMB AT THE TIME....IT IS HARD TO THINK WHEN YOUR CHILD IS DYING.....JUST KNOW THAT THEY KNEW YOU WERE THERE AND THAT IS WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT...

I THINK GOD GIVES US STRENGTH AND THAT IS WHY SOME OF US ARE STRONG AT THE VISITATION AND FUNERAL...WE DIDNT CRY AT EITHER..I DID SOME WHEN THEY PLAYED I CAN ONLY IMAGINE..KNOWING HOW OUR SON LOVED THAT SONG..BUT I WAS HANDING OUT KLEENEX TO THE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE COMING THRU THE LINE..THEY PROBABLY THOUGHT SHE IS THE MOM.........WHY IS SHE COMFORTING US..BUT I COULD TELL SO MANY LOVED JAMES AND WERE HURTING..EVERYONE HAD A DIFFERENT STORY AND EACH HAD TO TELL US..

I JUST THINK GOD HOLDS US UP WHEN WE ARE WEAK..............I HAVE A PHOTO ON A CARD SENT TO JAMES ..THE DAY HE WAS DYING ANOTHER CARD HE NEVER GOT TO SEE..OF JESUS HOLDING UP A YOUNG MAN..............THAT NITE IT WAS OUR SON......

WE ARE ALL HERE TO HELP EACH OTHER...I AM KEEPING EACH OF YOU IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[mamabets]

For All~ In re-reading my post, I see SUPERDAD- I had meant to type SUPERDAN, as Danny was such a SUPERMAN hero and the red, blue and yellow is all about Superman for us-

My Dad crossed over 6 weeks before Danny- My Dad LOVED to plant flowers- My Dad called for Danny to be with him, we all have no doubt!! I love these so called "typos"- They bring such beautiful messages with them!! I love you all!! mamabets

[mamabets]

For annmay142005~ I am so glad that you have found us here. Know that your angel was, and is, as close as possible to you~ You are his mother and he will love you forever. You are with him too, in everything that you do... For all of the wonderful fathers here, the same goes for you. Your angel babies are with you ALWAYS!!! I love you~ mamabetsxoxo

[mamabets]

For Erinnzmom~ I love you, Laurie~ You are such an inspiration here~ I am so saddened by all, and when the parents that have dedicated their lives to the health care system and then get slammed with this, it REALLY wrips my heart out- It's like the friend of mine who, for a lifetime, has been the FUNNIEST of all childhood friends- His son died a year ago and I remember saying to my sisters "Oh, my God, how will Tim ever be able to laugh again"? This is a slow burn...The wonderful memories do come to hold us near to them, they do...I would love to see pictures of Erinn and ALL of the kids here- Please send them to me at huntross4@aol.com. I love you!! xoxomamabets

[alwaysmyjennifer]

The end of the first year since I found out my daughter died. I no longer think in terms of this being one year, but ten. This has helped me bring everything into better perspective, which helped me settle myself emotionally. I miss her more each day. I've been quiet here, since my mind is preoccupied with caring for my wife and her struggle against a life threatening illness. I read your posts daily though, which give me hope as a dad. Thank you for what you write. mamabets, thank you for your prayers and support. I'll write this weekend. My prayers are with you all, for peace, strength and comfort you need.

[kirksdad]

Mark, I miss your spiritually uplifting posts. I am sorry about your wife, this has got to be so hard on both of you. At times I think death would be a great release for this type of pain, I know I felt strongly about it in the beginnig, but then I wonder about my family and know that life is just what it is, life, so very uncontrolable. Is your wife being reflective about the prognosis? Sorry, I hope you don't mind me asking. I hope you will post more. Jim

[messenger]

MAMABETS...HOW I WOULD LOVE TO SEE ALL OF THE COLOR YOU HAVE ADDED TO YOUR YARD...I KNOW IT MUST BE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...I LOVE FLOWERS AND FIND IT VERY THERAPUETIC...WORKING IN GARDEN AND PLANTING NEW LIFE ON THIS EARTH..YOU ARE A BLESSING TO ALL WHO KNOW YOU

MESSENGER

[ashleysmom]

Mamabets, I bet your garden is just beautiful! My gardens have gone back to nature. They look pretty from far away! I thought this would be the year to clean them up, maybe next year. I did have some perrenials come up that I have not seen in years, thought they died. Your words, "This is a slow burn" is a perfect description of this life we live.

Laurie, I'm so glad you felt better for erinn's angel day. I used to get sick before EVERY holiday, Ashley's birthday and her angel day. The first year was the worst. Now, if I am really worrying about the upcoming day, I get sick. I didn't realize the test was to become a lactation consultant, Good for you!

annmay14205, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I am glad that you found this site. It has been a lifesaver for me. I have all kinds of thoughts run through my mind of what I shoulda or coulda or woulda done. They will rip you apart. I believe we, as parents, did the very best we could do under the circumstances. I remember people telling me I was so strong, and they could never have survived. It hurt me to hear that. It felt like they were saying, "I love my child more than that". But that is not the case. Noone knows unless they have been here. I would have told someone I never could survive losing a child before this happened to me.

Peace to all, Dottie

[ashleysmom]

Jim, My prayers are with you and your family. May you find peace in Kirk's memories today and always, Dottie

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom~ My garden is so pretty- My Danny was, and is, magnificent...I think of him, whether I am out there beating up the dirt, just to break a sweat, or walking around it, remembering when my future seemed so bright for my children... I never , ever, ever thought about losing hope, because I never, ever, ever took for granted that I always had it. I love you and bless you always!! xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Messenger~ You, too, are a blessing to all of us!! I think of each and every one of you as I sometimes aimlessly wander around all of the beauty out there...xoxo Danny is really zipping around here this morning!!! Moving a glass pyrex dish, an image of a baby bath {remember, Jackie is pregnant} "rubber duckie with a heart" out on the sidewalk, and THEN blinking the oven, turning it on to temp OOO!! Power was on everywhere~ No Failures!! I am in a WOW state of mind right about now!! LOL!!! There will never be anything called "the unexplainable", here within this life of Danny's Magical Messages to Mom !! xoxo I love you~mamabets

[julsmom]

Hi gang I am on a"borrowed" computer for just today. Couldn't resist checking messages. Errinzmom - the date you get your test results back 10/13 is the day Julie died. I am asking her to send good results that day to you. To all, it is good to see you all again. I will be back soon. Peace, Lynda

[daveydow1]

Annmay142005,

I read, with interest, your post about having regrets.

I think that every parent has regrets about things we

did--or didn't---do. Erinzzmom said that we are numb

in the early stages. I believe this is exactly right.

I have always regretted not giving my son a kiss at the

funeral home--either at the wake or the private showing.

I remember holding his hand. I think that we are under

such a state of catostrophic shock that it is no wonder

we would not be thinking as we normally would. The shock

and pain overwhelms us. Kirksdad said that in time it

doesn't matter much what we did or didn't do. They loved

us and we loved them. That is what is important, and what

will never change. Please try not to blame yourself for

anything. My prayers are for you. Peace be with you.

[daveydow1]

Alwaysmyjennifer,

We miss your posts, and hope you are doing ok. I am

sorry your wife is ill. You are both in my prayers.

Peace & light be with you.

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

Your garden and planting seeds sounds like a very

inspiring thing to do. All of nature is a healing balm

to me. I love the change of seasons, and there are

so many things to see & observe. Davey's garden is

wild also--it's left to grow as it will, with only

a removal of some offending weeds. Colorful weeds

are left to bloom. I hope your SuperDans bloom &

bloom. We have a nice circle of zinnias in the front

yard that my husband planted from seed. So nice.

Thanks to everyone here at BI for all of your beautiful

posts. Peace to all.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jim, thanks for your kindness. My wife is matter of fact about her prognosis. She wants to die, because the pain is too much to live with. In this situation, death is better than life. How could I ever ask her to stay and suffer more? It would be heartless of me. She's unconscious most of the time, but not sleeping restfully, having seizures several times a day, and has had five strokes in the last year. Maybe this would be more acceptable to us if we were older, but she's in her late thirties. Thanks again for your kind words, and your support. I truly appreciate it. Mark

[Artina]

AlwaysmyJennifer,

I am sorry for you and your wife... There are just no words. No parent should have to lose so much. Please know that I send my energy to you and your wife.

Tina

[alwaysmyjennifer]

daveydow1, thanks for your support. While my grief for Jennifer is more anger now than emotional turmoil, my wife's situation has overwhelmed me. It's not easy, but we're a close family, and we draw a lot of support off each other. I again thank you. Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Tina, thanks. it's nice to be able to visit here again. I had to take a little time off to heal. Jenni's death had begun to anger me too much. I still can't watch the news, when they talk about a rape. It upsets me a lot. I agree that this is all too much for me, a dad, and for the whole family. Our family is very close, so this means we support each other, but we also fall apart together. I do appreciate you all, for all the support and kindness you've given over the last year. I've read so many posts, although I've been a little to upset to write. It does feel good to be able to say hi to you all again. You're great people, every one of you. Mark

[messenger]

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER.............I AM SO VERY VERY SORRY YOU ARE GOING THRU ALL THAT YOU ARE.........................PLEASE KNOW I WILL BE SAYING SOME EXTRA PRAYERS FOR YOU AND YOUR WIFE...................YOU ARE A VERY COMPASSIONATE AND CARING HUSBAND...............NOT MANY WOULD STICK BY THEIR LOVED ONE LIKE YOU DO AND I AM PROUD OF YOU.................

I REMEMBER MY SON AND I WHEN HE HAD TO HAVE A STEM CELL TRANSPLANT...WE WERE IN INDY...TALKING TO A YOUNG LADY..SHE HAD JUST FOUND OUT....SHE HAD AN INOPERABLE BRAIN TUMOR.............HER HUSBAND IMMEDIATELY PACKED UP AND LEFT HER............WHAT A CREEP!!! HE OBVIOUSLY FORGOT THE IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH PART OF HIS MARRIAGE VOWS...............GOD BLESS YOU FOR STICKING BY YOUR WIFE....IT IS A SHAME THERE ARE NOT MORE HUSBANDS OUT THERE LIKE YOU~~

IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[messenger]

MAMMABETS...MAY DANNY CONTINUE TO KEEP YOU ON YOUR TOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MESSENGER

[ericasmom]

Hello Everyone,

Some of you here are new names to me, your stories filled with the anguish and loss that I am familiar with. My girl ERica died 3 years ago July 14th. As we approached the 3rd year mark, I felt the need to just stay to myself more. WE threw our annual ERI-fest on a nice afternoon in July. We had about 75 poeple join us to mark the time. It really hit me the next day,after our gathering. seeing all the old friends of ERica, hearing about thier lives and loves and joys and mishaps...I wonder what my girl would be doing these days?

It is summer and I am a teacher so I have had a good deal of time to take long bike rides and walks which is so important to my feeling peaceful and connecting to my daughter.

I do want to say that while it is difficult to understand time, so abstract since Eri died, I do know that over time one learns to live with joy again, you live differently than you once did, but you let in pieces of joy, grow them into joyful days, and eventually you could be living as your child would have you living. Living our best lives is what our kids want for us I think.

As far as wishing we could have done some thngs differently? I think we all do, we had 6 days of Erica on machines...I feel lucky for that time, for all the time friends were able to see her and touch her and say goodbye. That last day, when the machines were all turned off, it was just ERi's dad, my son Jon, me and Eri. WE were able to cradle her and talk to her pray with each other,and breathe her in to us, my son climbed on her bed and held her as he wept. WE were transformed by her leaving and are finding ways to go forward in her light. So much love and yet so much pain.

My heart to you all, my prayers too, and extra prayers for Mark and his wife, I do not know the illness, but I pray deeply that somehow your wife can be out of pain. Be good to yourself here if you can Mark, you have been going through so much loss and worry. Make sure you eat something each day, and drink a great deal of water, grief is taxing, taking care of your wife must also be very draining to your system. My prayers.

Dee

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Messenger, I've never viewed my marriage as a drudgery, keeping my vows out of dutiful obedience. I honor my vows out of love for the beautiful woman who perfectly complements me, my partner in life. I will say this; I'm eternaly grateful to my many friends here, who have done so much, offered wise advice, and even corrected me when I was wrong. Without all this help, which has kept my heart from completely shattering, I'd never be able to care for my wife within her illness and maintain our marriage, much less give myself time to grieve for Jennifer.

[messenger]

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER...THIS WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE IF THERE WERE MORE HUSBANDS LIKE YOU....YOU TAKE YOUR VOWS SERIOUSLY AND WE ALL ADMIRE YOU FOR THAT...YOU ARE GOING THRU SO MUCH AND YET ...YOU NEVER FAIL TO LOVE.HONOR AND CHERISH YOUR PRECIOUS WIFE.............I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE GOING THRU...........WE ARE HERE FOR YOU..........MAY GOD FILL YOUR HEART WITH HIS ...PEACE...MESSENGER

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Dee, I cried like a baby reading your post. My tears are from seeing your close family and how you faced Eri's death together. My wife and I are blessed with a very close knit family, also. For a while, I feared that our closeness would perhaps bring us to a place where we'd fall apart after my wife's death. Reading your post shows me otherwise, and it was good for me to read it. Thank you. Thank you also for your kindness and support. My wife is in the final stages of one of the dystrophies (directly related to MD). She's in horrifying pain constantly, and has suffered five strokes in the last year. She's in her late thirties. The doctors can't give us a timeline like there is with cancer. They only know that she could live another day, week, month, or year. Honestly, as much as I don't want to lose her, I don't want her to suffer this agony. If she has to leave today, it's okay with me. I'll take the heartache over seeing my love hurting like this. Thank you again for so very much. I'll write again, when the tears are less. Mark

[maureensmom]

Dear Mark: My heart and my prayers go out to you and to your wife; I hope that the course of her illness is gentle and as pain-free as possible. I can't imagine losing my husband on top of losing Maureen.

About regrets... I still feel awful that I didn't touch her as she lay there in the emergency room. The ER nurse was so cruel to me. When I approached the exam room, I walked slower and slower, then she said, "Well, do you need a wheelchair or something?" Very brisk, like - pull yourself together lady, it's just a body.

Maureen was laying there with her arms and legs off the gurney, just like a gigantic rag doll. When the nurse flipped off the sheet that was covering her face, I was so horrified, so paralyzed, that I never touched her. How could I have done that, not touched my girl? I still feel terrible about it. Kissing her in her casket was different, all of you who touched your children at that point know how different it is, how different it feels. I'm sitting here crying again over it. Intellectually, I know it wouldn't have mattered, but my heart doesn't believe that. All the time, that nurse standing next to me, waiting for me to get done with saying goodbye to my daughter, acting like I was taking up her time. I've worked in ER's, and I have never seen a clinician behave like this around a grieving parent. I'm still outraged by her indifference.

Georgia

[ericasmom]

Dear Georgia,

Perhaps it would be good therapy for you to write a letter to the hospital/clinic, where your precious Maureen died and state exactly what you did here. Alert the clinician from hell, and her superior to her crass behavior and her lack of empathy. She is the last kind of person you needed at that time. It would not make a difference to her dying however it would have made a difference to your grieving and my goodness, we all know that grieving is a long process. I think it may feel good for you to stand up and state your disappointment and in Maureen's light let yourself rip.

Maureen was hovering over you at that time I believe, just waiting until it was time to leave her earthly connections. And while you may not have kissed her with your lips against her skin, you kiss her everyday with your love, everyday she knows of your heart.

Mark Dear,

the love you have will help carry you through and will help your beautiful wife crossover into the arms of your loved Jennifer. I know that even in your darkest moments, you will feel them together and know they are more than fine. They will however want you to survive and live your best life, so please deal with the anger you have over Jennifer's death, if it means therapy then please do it, do what ever it takes to feel that each day the sun is a wonderful thing to greet and the moon tucks you in with your best memories each night. Let yourself cry whenever you need to, those tears which fall readily from my eyes are helping to rinse the saddest parts allowing the more sweet memories to make a nest in my heart and soul. I wish you the very nicest sense of your girl today, letting you know that our babies are with us in all we do.

Peace and one day, serenity.

Dee

[mamabets]

For Maskott and Mattsdad~ Like you said, down with year one, on to year two... I am so proud of how you have held yourselves TOGETHER throughout the course of this past year. My love is with you always, our boys will forever be with us by heart... I love you~ mamabetsxoxoxoxo

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Maureensmom, I am so deeply and sincerely sorry anyone could be so heartless and cruel to a mother after losing her daughter. Moms have a special bond with their babies, and I think you have an even greater bond with your daughters. I do agree that you should address this issue, not only for your own peace of mind, but for the correction of the nurse who acted in such a horrible way. My prayers will be with you. Thank you for your kindness and support toward my wife and family. May you be given the peace you need. Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Dee, you're right. I need to put my Type A personality in Park, check my pride at the door, and see a therapist for this. Honestly, the last year was such anger, I don't know if the blur of anger was at the kid who killed Jenni, at me for not protecting her, or at her mother, or maybe at all of us. But, I've never been nor shall be angry at my Jenni. She's such a precious and beautiful child. I see myself in her so easily, my eyes, my nose (poor kid), even the blonde hair. When my wife gets to Heaven, she'll be in good company. Jenni's there, watching over our others, the ones we lost by miscarriages. I keep faith that this will be easy and comfortable for her, not a painful crossing. With all the pain this dear and loving woman has been throgh, I want her to be at rest. I'll stay in touch. Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

For all of you, my friends, thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and kindness. To update you, my wife was hospitalized today. Doctors said it can be the dystrophy starting a fatal attack, heart failure, or a blood infection, among others - they just don't know. You have my deepest appreciation for the support and prayers you've given. You are the greatest; you really are. I'll let you know what's going on as soon as I know. Til then, Thanks. Mark

[briansdad]

Mark,

Just thought I'd relay this story from one of the people in our Bereaved Parents group.Her husband died a couple of months ago.She was telling us of an unusually restless day Dave was having.He kept looking around the room and just couldn't settle down.She said all of a sudden he looked over at the door and said " Look it's Dean" ( his son who died in 2004) and then he went to sleep.I think he died the next day.So I guess what I'm saying is your Jenni will be there for your wife.I'm sure of it.I also saw one of the most amazing photos I've ever seen.I'll tell the story when I have more time.

I hope you can find the strength to deal with this. I don't know if I could.

Take Care

[messenger]

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER..SORRY TO HEAR YOUR DEAR WIFE HAD TO GO TO HOSPITAL TODAY..............MAY THE LORD WRAP YOU IN HS ARMS..COMFORT YOU AND FILL YOUR HEART WITH HIS PEACE.....FOR WHATEVER IS TO COME..............WE WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR WIFE............HANG IN THERE AND KNOW MANY ARE PRAYING FOR YOU BOTH MESSENGER

[ericasmom]

Mark,

please don't think I am teling you what you should do, only what may be what is best for your spirit. I do not know the story of your little one, but what I do hear is that somebody hurt her terribly, and of course you have anger. My girl was killed by a train at a crossing with no crossarm and a broken light. It was documented for 11 months tht the light was not working. I am angry too, and for me therapy helped me. I know it is not for everyone, but it seems you are now facing loss on top of loss, and I think that having a person to unload your anger, your confusion and your absolute ache would benefit you. I know that one of my biggest worries after Erica was killed was that I would forget nuances of her. I was terrified I would forget the way her large hands felt in mine, the way she laughed, that I would forget the sound in her voice when she was joking around, or the way she looked while she slept. Because of this I was unwilling/unable to let go of any of the pure pain, so afraid that giving up one little piece would mean all the memories would be washed over. What I found with the help of my therapist, was that in order to make a bigger space for the good, I needed to let go of some of the brutal. Now of course I will never forget the night the phone call came, the trip to Michigan, the 6 days in the hospital, but I do not stay in those memories as much as I used to, I let myself go to better places now, and I feel more peace and strength.

My heart rests with you as you spend time with your Love, may she find peace.

You are a strong man, one who reaches out to both give help and receive it.

Peace,

dee

[mamabets]

For Alwaysmyjennifer~ I feel all of our angels "gathering", as we all are here for you... We love you and will carry you through this... You have been the BACKBONE to all of us here, at one time or another, and as I pace tonight for you, I KNOW that our kids are as together as they all need to be for you and Mary...HUDDLED, they are!! I love you~ mamabnate- Look at THAT typo!! That is Kathy714's NATE!!! xoxox Kids will be kids, and they are ALL right there for you , JUST like we are right here for you!! xoxomamabets

[lorismom]

For Alwaysmyjennifer – Mark- Just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for all the pain than you are enduring. My thoughts are with you and your wife, Mary. I hope you can draw strength from your beautiful daughter, Jennifer, as I’m sure she is very near to you and guiding you through this sad time. My prayers are with you. Take care, Patty

[kirksdad]

Mark, thinking about you and your wife. You are in my prayers.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Thank you all. I would like to give you some good news this morning, but I can barely see my computer for the tears. The doctor called me this morning to tell me she has also developed another disease that has a fifty percent fatality rate, on top of the dystrophy. I'm on my way to talk to someone. I need this for me. You have all been so caring and helpful while I could hardly hold it together after losing Jennifer. May God give you peace today. Dee, keep those happier thoughts. I may not be able to think of something happy right at the moment, but in time, I'll get there.

[messenger]

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER..............KNOW.....................WE ALL HERE ARE LIFTING YOU AND YOUR WIFE UP ..............IN OUR PRAYERS .....................MESSENGER

[daveydow1]

Maureensmom,

That rude, uncaring nurse that was so mean to you

should be reported to her superiors. I am a retired

nurse, and after working in hospitals and nursing

homes, I have been in that situation; where there is a

lot of compassion that is needed, and expected---and

rightly so. There is just no excuse for the way that

nurse treated you. I hope that you take the time to

let the hospital know how you were treated. Hospital

records will surely indicate those who were on duty

at that time, and be able to pinpoint who it was. By

letting the hospital know about this heartless incident,

it may just avoid this type of thing happening to some

other heartbroken person facing the death of a loved

one. That nurse is definitely in the wrong profession.

Peace and serenity to you.

[erinnzmom]

Maureensmom,

I am sorry for the rude nurse, It's people like her that give us a bad name. I too, hope that you report her. I know that she was probably busy BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR HER BEHAVIOR!!!I've been a nurse for 27+ years and I cry right along with my patients and their families. And they always have as much time as they need. But after my daughter died, she was till intubated and she had all the iv's and stuff and I wanted them out. the doc said it was okay and my friend Jean who is a Nurse Practioner removed the ET tube and her IV's Well, Nurse Ratchet came in and since Erinn died less than 24 hours from admission (less than 7 actually) it was a coronor's case and an autopsy had to be done...well, she was going on and on about how it was against the law..blah..blah..blah..I turned to my friend and told her that if she didn't get her out of there I would..needless to say it left a bad taste in my mouth how dare she come in and act like a B....tch after I just lost a child....

Sorry to ramble on..But we are not all like that..Please follow up on it so someone else doesn't have to go through what you went through.

Hugs and prayers.

Laurie

AlwaysErinnzmom

[ashleysmom]

Mark, My prayers are with you. Dottie

[ashleysmom]

Maureensmom, I cannot believe how you were treated by that nurse. I am also an RN and I cannot imagine being so cold to any of my patients families.

Laurie, I can't believe you also had a nurse from Hell! I do not understand why they would stay at their job if they hate it so much. I don't ever want to be burnt out that much as to lose all compassion for others.

Peace to all, Dottie

[mom2angels]

{{{HUGS}}} To Everyone~

Coming out of "read only" mode to send you all of my love and healing thoughts. We have had a steady stream of visitors these past couple of weeks, as well as lots of medical appointments...all squeezed into this brief time frame known to us as "not flu season."

Our friend/neighbor dropped by recently after returning from her month long vacation. She tearily told me that it still wasn't the same to walk into our house, into Michael's room, and not see him there. Since Michael's room is the center of our home, we walk through it to get to the other rooms. I was comforted to know that she still misses him and very grateful to her for sharing that with me.

Welcome to all of our new members. I am glad that you have joined us, because I know how important the support we provide to each other here is in all of our healing. It does help to know that we are not alone, and that others experience the same things that we do.

Georgia~ I echo the chorus encouraging you to report the nurse who treated you so cruelly. Her behavior and attitude were completely inappropriate and crass. I'm so sorry that you had to endure such disrespect at that most painful time.

Mark~ My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and your precious wife, Mary. I pray that you are able to place Mary in God's hands and that He will give you the strength you need to face each step in the journey. I have no doubt that Jennifer is right there beside both of you and will give each of you the courage you need for every situation.

As always, I have lit a candle for all of you and your children and I pray for your peace and comfort today and every day. May you feel your children's presence very near and hold them in your dreams~ May you be blessed ~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[rhonda68]

Mark I am so sorry about your dear wife mary I will say a prayer for her and you as well. Life is so very hard and cruel and I don't know why it strikes some of us more than others.

Georgina I am so sorry what you had to go threw with that nurse its absolutely gut wrenching to hear of people so heartless. Report her! I have been told many cruel things scince the loss of my son that I can hardly cope anymore just so very sick of the world.

My heart is with each and everyone of you,

Rhonda

[ericasmom]

Sleep tight All,

and Mark, I will hang on to good thoughts and prayers for goodness and strength for us all and an extra dose for you as you face another heartache. I am so glad that you let the tears flow, that you find ways to release some of your hurt here, may you be blessed with peace and may you feel the peace of your daughter as you go forward.

My heart,

dee