Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

TOOK MY KOURTNEY TO SEE CHRISTINA AUGULIRA (SP) WE HAD A GREAT TIME...WE DANCED AND SANG ACTED STUPID....TOOK HER TO SEE UNCLE TED WITH SEVERAL OTHERS OF US...(SHE HAD FUN JUST NOT HER TYPE OF MUSIC)...

THEN KODY MONTY AND I WENT TO SEE ACDC AFTER SHE PASSED...THINGS JUST ARE NOT THE SAME BUT WE DO FOR OTHERS AND TRY TO GRAB THAT FEELING OR THAT ONE MEMORY WE HAD WITH OUR ANGELS...

ALSO SAY BRITNEY SPEARS 2 TIMES SINCE KOURTNEYS BEEN GONE...SHE WLD HAVE LOVED IT....I PICTURED HER ON STAGE DANCING AND HANGING OUT...I GUESS CUZ SHE CAN HAVE THE GOOD SEATS NOW FOR FREE..

BUT IM GLAD WE HAD CHRISTINA...TOGETHER..

WOW I LOVE DEF LEOPARD...WHAT A GREAT GIFT WAY TO GO MOM...

[westleysmom]

Beth-It was so nice to see Zachy's face when I signed on. I'm happy that Elisha has gotten the medication that helps her and it sounds like you are doing better too. I hope that your husband makes the right choice and you will all be in my thoughts.

Susannah-It seems the kitty is going to make himself right at home. How's the cold? Its cooler here, there was a frost this morning, but not heavy.

Leah-You are in my thoughts this weekend. I'm so sorry that Sena is feeling so sad and hope that you all can feel JaBoa's smiling presence as you make your way through tomorrow and the next day especially.

Dee-Are you all ready for the nuptials? I hope that's the right word and not something nasty. I'm sure Shannon's not a bridezilla and hope that everything is going according to plan and you have nice weather for their special day, is it next weekend or am I disremembering?

Susan-Your Shannon's sweet 16 sounds like it was wonderful. I so wish it was not her last birthday, but it sounds like it was magical. Def Leppard was one of my favorites and I still turn up the radio when Pour Some Sugar on Me comes on. Its funny though when I listen to the radio, I separate songs into ones that I first heard before Westley was born and those that I first heard during his lifetime and those that he never heard. It makes me sad when I hear a song that I know he would like that came out after. Isn't that crazy? He had been through a rap stage, I never could listen to most of that, but he was listening to hard rock more and more since he worked with his Dad and that's what they played at work. We had his service in our church, but didn't play any "church" music, just a few songs that I like (the Sad Cafe by the Eagles was one) and some that my daughter picked out. The only church song was my Uncle sang Beaulah Land acapella. Its a gospel song by the Gaithers or something like that, and it still brings me to my knees if I happen to hear it. My uncle is a preacher and he and our pastor (it was his last Sunday at our church as it happened) both did the service. I don't know why I'm telling you all this, it just is on my mind today. Hugs to you, I know you're still so early to the pain and grief and I wish there was something I could do to help.

Robs Mom-I think we have our own shorthand here sometimes that nobody else would understand, but we all get. The typing skills don't matter when you can't even breathe. You are in my thoughts

Kate-I like Coldplay too and a lot of different kinds of music as well, but I don't know anybody famous. I guess my all-time favorite would be the Eagles, but the Beatles are pretty good too.

I had lunch with CJ (Westley's friend for those new to here) yesterday. I asked him if he had a winter coat and he said he wanted a Carrhart coat like the one Westley had. I know I should give it to him, but I haven't taken anything out of his dresser or closet, except for a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt which I got for CJ to wear home one time last summer when he helped us with some yard work and got filthy. I asked my husband last night if it would be okay, but I couldn't even ask him without crying. I don't think I've turned Westley's room into a shrine, its just that I can't bear to go in there for long. I was thinking last night that I should get some of his stuff out of there, but then I thought "But I want it to look like he'll be back anytime, I want to pretend that he's going to be home soon. I want to think that everything is going to go back to the way it was before." I know it won't, I know that in my heart, but I still want to hold on to the illusion that it could. Told you I was nuts.

[Susie_q512]

Leah - I can't imagine your constant heartache. So much tragedy....so many lives effected. I think it makes it harder because you have to witness such continued pain in those you love on a daily basis. I am sure you spend most of your time bouncing from grief to worry to anger and back again. How could you not be angry? How could you not feel the darkness so deeply? Really wish I had the answers for you or a quick fix remedy, but I have no words that I feel can comfort you. Hoping and praying that there will be some joy found soon. Praying JaBoa's sweet spirit can break through the darkness that surrounds you now and bring a bit of comfort and peace to you and her sister.

Kate - I remember saying "C'est la vie" once after a conversation with my girls. Neither of them had ever heard it said before. Had to explain that it was a popular expression when I was much younger....so, feeling a bit dated again. Ragan celebrated her 19th birthday the day after we buried Shannon. Her friends took her to Music Midtown Atlanta for an all day concert. The weather was beautiful, and Cold Play finished out the day. She called me so I could her them sing "Yellow" because it was one of Shannon's favorite songs. Then she called again when they closed with "Fix You" which was played at the graveside service. I can't imagine how hard if must have been for Rae to try to celebrate that first birthday without her sister, but she has great friends. During the course of the day someone would send me a picture of Rae smiling. I took great comfort it those smiles, the beautiful day, her great friends....so happy in my sadness that Rae was being cared for and ministered to on that sad birthday.

Sus - Loved the comments the kids made that you shared with us. Gave a glimpse of their sweet and loving spirits. How blessed you are to have them. No doubt Peanut will settle in soon...so glad you adopted him.

Today is beautiful and a bit chilly in Georgia. Hoping to get some things accomplished. Also want to put something for Halloween at the roadside memorial and Shannon's grave....really hope I can brave that for her sake....we'll see if I actually do it.

Susan - Shannon's Mom

[dwsmithrn]

well, i don't how i did it, but i got through my birthday yesterday without that call from my nathan....i could always depend on him to call and brighten my day. he was never one to send cards, but he always called...always remembered everyone's birthday and never forgot to call....i was pretty sad yesterday....

i drove the 3 1/2 hours to greenvill, nc to ECU to go to the homecoming at the OT dept this morning and it was so nice....the insturctors went out of their way to be so kind....they remembered nathan and had some really special things to say about him. they gave me a really soft teddy bear with an ECU sweatshirt on....his best friend and two other friends were there....the BF was the one to make the talk....he did well. they had some special singers there that were very good....there were some of his classmates there who made it a point to come and talk to me and let me know some kindness nathan did for them. although i had plenty of tears, it was a nice time for me to hear so much positive in nathan's young life and what he had done for others. it was both a proud and sad event. then they served brunch and all his professors came and spoke to me and said how much they had enjoyed nathan being in their classes........makes a mom feel proud. oh, how i miss him...and oh, why isn't he here, making his patients feel special and cared for....my selfish heart just can't be still.....

my children all called me yesterday, but my oldest son let me know he isn't pleased with what i write on nathan's facebook page....i write about my emotions and how i miss him and how my heart hurts and my oldest, patrick, said, mom, you know you have 3 here....i told him i know that and i love you all, but i am still grieving the loss of my child and it just doesn't go away that easily.....he just doesn't get it and it seems like he is somehow jealous of my grief. i don't know how to handle this 36 year old child. he has 3 of his own and he still just doesn't understand. i was rather hurt by his comments....i think i will just get myself off of fb and forget it....i am overwhelmed with emotion today....i can't think straight and i just want some much needed rest.

i am sorry to anyone who needed some encouragement or other words today, i didn't have time to read all posts......i always think about all of the indigos and all of the angels, and always have you all on my mind......

wishes for peace, love and health....love, diane

[ericasmom]

Love Love Love Cold Play and the song Yellow makes me cry, always has and Fix you too, so many of their songs and yes, U2 as well. I keep current because I love radio adn when Eri died I needed radio to sing me to school, sing me home again, and I play music all day in my classroom too, well, when appropriate. I love all of the old rock and roll from the sixties and seventies, but I have always loved alternative works and just have to have music in my days. When I was little living in the city of Chicago, I always fantasized tha I was in a movie, as I walked to and from school or was out roller skating, ice skating and just generally outside, I thought that if it were a movie, maybe the Song Little Bit o soul would play , or DOWNTOWN, or the early Beetles music that I was falling for...music has always marked time for me, has helped me make sense of events in my life-it has been the backdrop to all I do.

I took Eri and Jonathan and five cousins to see METALLICA(never my favorite but Jon and cousins were reallly into them) when Eri was 10. Her first concert...she got a black eye there because on her way to the bathroom and warned not to go near the mosh pit, her older cousin took her anyway and someones foot hit her in the eye as she watched...she loved that black eye. We saw several concerts together, Poi Dog Pondering for several shows on the lakefront...she and I did not agree on music usually but we respected each others music so when she went to Bonaroo in Tennessee 3 weeks before being killed and remarked that Neil was the best performer there in her opinion...I was thrilled. We had something musical in common. She grew up hearing Neil each day, but seeing him sold her on him.

Here is a poem written about being Fixed by me about Erz.

Fix

If I could have fixed the breakage, I would have.

I would have reached into the tissue and healed it like new,

repaired the broken wires like I wanted the doctors to do,

But my hopes and prayers were met with your leaving instead.

If I could have repaired what took you,

you would be living right now,

in a town of your liking,

in a city perhaps,

near the sea,

Or maybe right here,

where you grew up,

with me.

By,

Dee

[ericasmom]

Oh Beth, I did read your post, I guess some nights I am so tired I just spin to sleep and don't respond...but I am thrilled that your Girl is doing better and that you are feeling some of the healing that happens. Cheers to you Sweetie.

Leah, sad times these anniversaries, no way around them though so hang on there Leah, hang on to us.

Rhonda, you are right, the nuptials are one week from today and I am thrilled. Shannon is definitely not a Bridezilla and I know that I am lucky to have a future DIL who I get along with so well. Jonathan is happy and that is the most important thing to my heart. A spray of pink flowers will be present in the church and on the lapels for the men to represent Eri at the wedding. I know that if Jon's Daddy were here, that he too would be so glad to see our Son finding his way, Mike will be present with us alongside our beloved Erica and all those in our families that went before.

[Jeff's Mom]

Love Love Love Cold Play and the song Yellow makes me cry, always has and Fix you too, so many of their songs and yes, U2 as well. I keep current because I love radio adn when Eri died I needed radio to sing me to school, sing me home again, and I play music all day in my classroom too, well, when appropriate. I love all of the old rock and roll from the sixties and seventies, but I have always loved alternative works and just have to have music in my days. When I was little living in the city of Chicago, I always fantasized tha I was in a movie, as I walked to and from school or was out roller skating, ice skating and just generally outside, I thought that if it were a movie, maybe the Song Little Bit o soul would play , or DOWNTOWN, or the early Beetles music that I was falling for...music has always marked time for me, has helped me make sense of events in my life-it has been the backdrop to all I do.

I took Eri and Jonathan and five cousins to see METALLICA(never my favorite but Jon and cousins were reallly into them) when Eri was 10. Her first concert...she got a black eye there because on her way to the bathroom and warned not to go near the mosh pit, her older cousin took her anyway and someones foot hit her in the eye as she watched...she loved that black eye. We saw several concerts together, Poi Dog Pondering for several shows on the lakefront...she and I did not agree on music usually but we respected each others music so when she went to Bonaroo in Tennessee 3 weeks before being killed and remarked that Neil was the best performer there in her opinion...I was thrilled. We had something musical in common. She grew up hearing Neil each day, but seeing him sold her on him.

Here is a poem written about being Fixed by me about Erz.

Fix

If I could have fixed the breakage, I would have.

I would have reached into the tissue and healed it like new,

repaired the broken wires like I wanted the doctors to do,

But my hopes and prayers were met with your leaving instead.

If I could have repaired what took you,

you would be living right now,

in a town of your liking,

in a city perhaps,

near the sea,

Or maybe right here,

where you grew up,

with me.

By,

Dee

Dee...that was lovely! And I see a wedding is in the near future. How nice! I'm so pleased for you. We will all be anxious to hear every last detail.

Susan...living in Canada we are required to study French and we are all mostly bilingual. C'est la vie(such is life) is a really common term we still use. I hope you were ablke to make it to the roadside memorial today. If not? Well, maybe another day. Don't push yourself.

We now live in the country and my husband and I hiked into the woods to a clearing where we have placed a memorial bench overlooking the lake. It is a really peaceful and serene spot. Jeff used to love to take our dog on hikes and sit on a picnic bench throwing sticks into the lake for her to fetch. This trail is in a provincial park site that stretches for miles along Lake Winnipeg. It is a very Canadian rugged but breathtakingly beautiful spot. I have planted two small gardens and this is where he asked to have his ashes spread. As we have had a few elderly family members pass away over the past few years he remarked that if anything ever happened to him he would like to be scattered over the water. I never imagined I would ever have to follow through with this. You always think you are going to be the one to go first. Natural order of things.

Martha...hope you are feeling a little bit better today. One day at a time and small steps, eh?

Well, must run...our Winnipeg Jets are on TV this evening and my husband has requested an early dinner. Sure glad to have the team back in Winnipeg. Goalie sure needs work!

[briansdad]

Good song. Let our kids shine their light down on us.

[daveydow1]

Dee---Such a nice poem.....so true to the life we all lead nowadays. Congratulations on Jon's upcoming

wedding. The pink flowers will be such a nice touch in honor of ERi......Pink being her fav color.

Mike and ERi will surely be there in spirit, and happy for Jon & Shannon on their big day.

What color dress will you be wearing??

Leah----So very sorry that you have so much sadness. You miss your dear JaBoa so much. Also,

so sad for the other little girl. So difficult for the children. Your love and strength is a constant in

the lives of the children....even though you don't always feel strong. Sending lots of love & prayers

that you can somehow find some peace & comfort, friend.

Robsmom------Seeing Rob on the ceiling all that night was surely a sign that he is ok. Peace to you.

Trudi-----You are a Puppy Carer.....for sure. Plain to see how much you love the pups.

Polly, Susan, Josie, Kate.......Prayers for all of you, who are new on this rough road. Hoping that

your wonderful memories of your dear children will warm your hearts.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Dee---Such a nice poem.....so true to the life we all lead nowadays. Congratulations on Jon's upcoming

wedding. The pink flowers will be such a nice touch in honor of ERi. Mike and ERi will surely be there

in spirit, and happy for Jon & Shannon on their big day. What color dress will you be wearing??

Leah----So very sorry that you have so much sadness. You miss your dear JaBoa so much. Also,

so sad for the other little girl. So difficult for the children. Your love and strength is a constant in

the lives of the children....even though you don't always feel strong. Sending lots of love & prayers

that you can somehow find some peace & comfort, friend.

Robsmom------Seeing Rob on the ceiling all that night was surely a sign that he is ok. Peace to you.

Trudi-----You are a Puppy Carer.....for sure. Plain to see how much you love the pups.

Polly, Susan, Josie, Kate.......Prayers for all those who are new on this rough road. Hoping that

your wonderful memories of your dear children will warm your hearts.

[daveydow1]

OOPS........Sorry for the double post.

[mikesmum]

The music that underscores our grief in someways also links us back to our kids. Mike loved music. Playing it, listening to it, writing it and most of all sharing it.

The week he was with us before he died he downloaded a CD for me. Music by bands like Pearl Jam, Ben Harper, LIVE & Evanescence very very different from the Eagles, Doobie Brothers, Beatles etc.

As I have begun to 'find' things I played that CD over and over. I think there is a story Mike was telling in some of these choices.

Its raining here has been for most of the weekend. Two puppies snoozing.

I hope you are all able to find some soft place to land this weekend to just be.

There is an image of a young man 'given to fly'. My heart takes me to Mike as I hope he is now....'given wings to fly'.

[ericasmom]

Indeed, given to fly. May our Babies all be given to fly.

Sherry, my dress is knee length, 3/4 sleeve, violet silk. A portrait color and very pretty. Plain and pretty.

Kate, yes, the wedding is a joy in all of our hearts. Glad that you like the poem. The area you live sounds lovely.

THoughts to our eastern seaboard folks, heavy snow and to those in western Pennsyvania, HEAVY snow.

Love to all

[Jeff's Mom]

Good song. Let our kids shine their light down on us.

Oh, Robbie Robertson...lead singer of The Band. Which also featured Ronnie Hawkins(The Hawk)( Moon Walk)...long before Michael Jackson. The Banmd backed up Bob Dylan for years. All from Toronto. Dee...A couple of years ago Dylan was in town to perform and made a point of looking up Neil's old homestead. Winnipeg is not too shabby! We have some decent talent from here. Good song, that.

[Jeff's Mom]

Indeed, given to fly. May our Babies all be given to fly.

Sherry, my dress is knee length, 3/4 sleeve, violet silk. A portrait color and very pretty. Plain and pretty.

Kate, yes, the wedding is a joy in all of our hearts. Glad that you like the poem. The area you live sounds lovely.

THoughts to our eastern seaboard folks, heavy snow and to those in western Pennsyvania, HEAVY snow.

Love to all

Dee...your dress sounds lovely. Gosh, I sure hope you have a wonderful day. You deserve it. The weather here is amazingly warm for us. Usually by Halloween we have a light covering of snow. Our weather pattern is changing so dramatically that it is really concerning. I remember when the boys were young we had a hard time trying to find costumes to fit over warm clothes. They went out looking like the good year blimp with the costume over snow suits! It was so funny. My husband and I would toss a coin as to who would take a turn going from door to door. Not now. It has been awesome lately. Well must run. The Jets are losing and hubby is in a mood.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Thanks for all the hugs and prayers I am better today My daughter. Christi just drove off in Robs car she took over the payments when he died She was.going to buy a new Honda but she purchased his 2006 Cadillac Cts v It was 65,000 new and my sons dad spoiled Rob We could care less about all that She got it because it was his I feel like he is with us when we go for a ride I miss Rob speeding along so fast and me screaming "slow the hell down Rob would just laugh Nd drive faster If it was raining than he would say to us watch me spin out I said rob You are gonna kill us He would say " I have traction control and laugh He would blast his music and bass so loud and I would scream "lower that **** And he would just laugh The car went to the shop last week because the clutch went out and Christi said. Dont even look at me like I.have money because this was. My brothers car and he died The me Hank said " Was it driven hard ? Christi said yes very by my brother not me The car has a . Corvette engine and it is a 5 speed Rob drove it like the wind He enjoyed his life everyday Christi will have to sell the car in the future because it uses a lot of gas and it cost a lot to fix but fot now we feel Rob with us Sometimes that song i' 'll be watching you comes on about someone who lost a friend and hebis watching down from Heaven Rob is probably watching us driving a 2011 caddy in the big highway in the sky Rob lived life to the fullest He was a little selfish a little spoiled but he loved us and he was my funny lovable Rob Maybe we can learn a little Drive a little fast Drive like the wind God I wish you were here to blast your fancy ster

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Thanks for all the hugs and prayers I am better today My daughter. Christi just drove off in Robs car she took over the payments when he died She was.going to buy a new Honda but she purchased his 2006 Cadillac Cts v It was 65,000 new and my sons dad spoiled Rob We could care less about all that She got it because it was his I feel like he is with us when we go for a ride I miss Rob speeding along so fast and me screaming "slow the hell down Rob would just laugh Nd drive faster If it was raining than he would say to us watch me spin out I said rob You are gonna kill us He would say " I have traction control and laugh He would blast his music and bass so loud and I would scream "lower that **** And he would just laugh The car went to the shop last week because the clutch went out and Christi said. Dont even look at me like I.have money because this was. My brothers car and he died The me Hank said " Was it driven hard ? Christi said yes very by my brother not me The car has a . Corvette engine and it is a 5 speed Rob drove it like the wind He enjoyed his life everyday Christi will have to sell the car in the future because it uses a lot of gas and it cost a lot to fix but fot now we feel Rob with us Sometimes that song i' 'll be watching you comes on about someone who lost a friend and hebis watching down from Heaven Rob is probably watching us driving a 2011 caddy in the big highway in the sky Rob lived life to the fullest He was a little selfish a little spoiled but he loved us and he was my funny lovable Rob Maybe we can learn a little Drive a little fast Drive like the wind God I wish you were here to blast your fancy ster

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Thanks for all the hugs and prayers I am better today My daughter. Christi just drove off in Robs car she took over the payments when he died She was.going to buy a new Honda but she purchased his 2006 Cadillac Cts v It was 65,000 new and my sons dad spoiled Rob We could care less about all that She got it because it was his I feel like he is with us when we go for a ride I miss Rob speeding along so fast and me screaming "slow the hell down Rob would just laugh Nd drive faster If it was raining than he would say to us watch me spin out I said rob You are gonna kill us He would say " I have traction control and laugh He would blast his music and bass so loud and I would scream "lower that **** And he would just laugh The car went to the shop last week because the clutch went out and Christi said. Dont even look at me like I.have money because this was. My brothers car and he died The me Hank said " Was it driven hard ? Christi said yes very by my brother not me The car has a . Corvette engine and it is a 5 speed Rob drove it like the wind He enjoyed his life everyday Christi will have to sell the car in the future because it uses a lot of gas and it cost a lot to fix but fot now we feel Rob with us Sometimes that song i' 'll be watching you comes on about someone who lost a friend and hebis watching down from Heaven Rob is probably watching us driving a 2011 caddy in the big highway in the sky Rob lived life to the fullest He was a little selfish a little spoiled but he loved us and he was my funny lovable Rob Maybe we can learn a little Drive a little fast Drive like the wind God I wish you were here to blast your fancy ster

[mysonrich]

Very destructive storm we have here. Heavy snow, many,many toppled trees, utility wires down, roads closed. Lots of people with no power. Tomorrow should be a great day for clean up. Strange storm.

Today I had a visit to an assisted living facility. Work related. As I looked around for someone to unlock a door, ( they had minimal power,keypad didn't work) I passed a lady in a wheelchair. She looked up at me and said, “Betty, are you looking for your mother”? I told her no. I wasn't sure if she would understand the reason I was there. Well, I have been missing my mom a lot lately and today is her birthday! Thanksgiving , what year? Hmm. Dinner was at Sarah's. I picked my mom up, literally, out of her wheelchair and we drove to Philly. We all had a great time; Mom, Sarah,Rich,me, the ex, Sarahs bf, now ex, (Rich’s gf wasn't there so it may have been 07) When it was time to go I attempted to life my mom up and over into the car. OMG, I almost dropped her. Lifting a grown person was not easy but Rich ran over and helped. He was about a foot away and it happened so fast. So, like Rich, I guess I do look for my mom too.

Rhonda, I have Rich's carhart. Also have a difficult time in the young men dept. Still.

I find my mind getting sleepy. Very sleepy. Rough weather day.

Susan, wow. That was a great 16^th birthday for Shannon. Was she always a fan? Great driving down the highway, crank up the radio music. Just like Springsteen ,Greg. Ha ha

Dee, Leah, Kate, Robs Mom, Trudi, Beth, Susannah, Diane, Dan, Sherry...tomorrow.

Oh yeah, blood work came back with a dangerously high number. Next day a appt with cardiologist. Heart is good. Some questions about Rich and his heart death. Told me to go talk to someone. I might.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

sorry about the multiple posts I still can't find my reading glasses I lost a long post and now I did not finish the one prior because iPad died on me so I am continuing I say sometimes we should take chances My dear sweet. Rob You always had fun we will enjoy the caddy for a little while longer I miss Rob coming over to visit and the dishes shaking in the cabinet because of the loud bass Rob loved some of the finer things but he was a good person I am sure he has conned God in to lending him a Lamborgini to drive in the Greatist highway inn the sky I am going to try so hard to live life Alittle wilder drive a little. faster because that was Robs legacy. I miss his kisses his short phone calls He was so hyper He would call just for a second or come by at 10 at night and say Lets go to Mellow mushroom that was a pizza place I said Now he said yes I said it is 10:00 he said so what he was proud of his grandparents My parents came from Hungary and we all spoke the language Rob not as much but he sure could curse in Hungarian compliments of grandpa but he understood Hungarian and he loved to eat He would come buy and visit and he would keep saying wow that's unbelievable I really have to find my glasses I can't see worth a **** Miss you son till we meet again and keep us safe in the caddy till Christi has to sell it and keep us safe love you Rob I got to find my glasses I feel like Helen Keller typing on this eye pad

Robs mom

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I am upset I messed up and I thought I posted something prior to the post to this an now it is gone I lost all my posts and I type slow I will repost tomorrow and than the prior post will make sense of course my blind ass didn't lose the short post only the darn three page post

Robs mom

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

good night everyone Sorry that I am again typing crazy and the saddest thing is I have not had a drink I have a real good sense of humor and tomorrow when I find my glasses than I will make more sense I never lost my posts like I thought I just couldn't see them I hope I made you all laugh My son always thought I was a little crazy and said I had a great personality Anyway my scattered brain self is signing off till I can see what I am typing I have 4 dogs I think I should train one of them to be a seeing eye dog I live in Florida nd I had a garage sale with my dad for two days I did not make any money and I worked like a dog. Black cat crossed in front of me I tried to find a spark of colt on him but he was totally black It has not rained on any other weekend except the weekend I have my gar gage sale I am going to blow up the garage than omwont have to keep all this junk that I did not sell My dad on the other hand sold a bunch of junk it was all rainy and nasty and the Mosquitos autside were so big that they almost carried of my chiauaa mix little dog

goodnight to all

Robs mom

[briansdad]

On a more up note The St Louis Cardinals are WORLD CHAMPS!!!!! They are a good example for us here.NEVER give up.We can live again,it just takes time.How much.... no one knows.Only you will know.

Miss Ya B

Love Dad

[ericasmom]

Greg, thanks for the Robbie Robertson and thanks Kate for the repeat. I do like Robbie, I believe it is he who is half Jewish and half Native American. He made an album with a Native Nation, can't remember which Native nation...and I play it in class, it is beautiful. Greg, happy for you all for your Baseball Team the Cardinals, What a great series.

correction: I said of my dress that it had a portrait color and I meant Collar. Silly fingers.

Rob's Mom, I hope that you do not drive too fast, please...though I totally get that you want to do something that Rob loved to do.

Kate, I agree, the weather has been changing for a while now, we have had a very warm Autumn and while it is a delight, it is a worry indeed. Snow now in the northeast which is unusual for this early in the season. Yep, many a Halloween where the costumes were all but covered in order to stay warm on Trick-or-Treat night.

[rlolheiser]

five years ago I had my last kiss, my last hug, my last smile, my last laughter, from the most beautiful little girl that I was blessed to call my grandaughter.

I miss you baby girl.. so does mom..she isn't doing well.. I hope you visit her and help her through her day.. she is going to need you. We all need you, I need the strength of God to get through today.. it is getting to hard

[ericasmom]

The strength of God, the strength of JaBoa's love and don't forget the strength of your LOVE unending and while it wil be hard, the sun will set later today and tomorrow will arrive and my prayers then will be that the next years will show healing for you all, that the family feel more united, that you are not the only one doing the lion's share of the work and that some peacefulness reside at your dwelling.

Love and hope

JaBoa-please help your Grandmom find the peace that has been so elusive- let her know that your love is wrapped all around her and your sisters and brothers. JaBoa, JaBoa.

[nicksdad]

[Guest msnher]

JABOA JABOA JABOA JABOA JABOA JABOA JABOA JABOA

NEVER FORGOTTEN

[mysonrich]

Jaboa, Jaboa,Jaboa...she flys as high and wide as your eyes can see Leah and beyond.

[ericasmom]

So pretty Betsy...are you home-bound from snow or are you in the clear?

[lolynbo]

STILL SAME MOOD HERE SO I WONT POST AGAIN OF 5 YRS AND 4 YRS ..MISSING MY GIRL....

JOBOA SORRY I MISSED YOUR DAY SWEET GIRL...

HUGGS TO ALL

[andy88]

Jaboa Jaboa Jaboa...remembering you today beautiful girl!

[andy88]

A dear wonderful lady, the mom of one of Andy's friends, painted a beautiful portrait of my Andy, so I wanted to share it all with you...It made me so happy And one of Andy's friends carved us a pumpkin with his name. There are some kind wonderful people in this world.

[Jeff's Mom]

A dear wonderful lady, the mom of one of Andy's friends, painted a beautiful portrait of my Andy, so I wanted to share it all with you...It made me so happy And one of Andy's friends carved us a pumpkin with his name. There are some kind wonderful people in this world.

Pam...just looked at the pics. Love them both. You are right that there are so many kind people out there!

[Jeff's Mom]

Jaboa, Jaboa,Jaboa...she flys as high and wide as your eyes can see Leah and beyond.

Betsy...does Rich ever look look my son Jeff. His hair was slightly shorter and had a red tinge. Also loved music.

[Jeff's Mom]

On a more up note The St Louis Cardinals are WORLD CHAMPS!!!!! They are a good example for us here.NEVER give up.We can live again,it just takes time.How much.... no one knows.Only you will know.

Miss Ya B

Love Dad

Hey BD...who would have guessed? Gather you are a huge fan! Our Jets lost last night. Really need to work on the team. Goalie sure has to pull it together. Still, it is their first season... so we shouldn't be too critical.

[Jeff's Mom]

five years ago I had my last kiss, my last hug, my last smile, my last laughter, from the most beautiful little girl that I was blessed to call my grandaughter.

I miss you baby girl.. so does mom..she isn't doing well.. I hope you visit her and help her through her day.. she is going to need you. We all need you, I need the strength of God to get through today.. it is getting to hard

Sending loving thoughts your way today. She looks like she was a little sweetie. HUGS!

[Jeff's Mom]

Greg, thanks for the Robbie Robertson and thanks Kate for the repeat. I do like Robbie, I believe it is he who is half Jewish and half Native American. He made an album with a Native Nation, can't remember which Native nation...and I play it in class, it is beautiful. Greg, happy for you all for your Baseball Team the Cardinals, What a great series.

correction: I said of my dress that it had a portrait color and I meant Collar. Silly fingers.

Rob's Mom, I hope that you do not drive too fast, please...though I totally get that you want to do something that Rob loved to do.

Kate, I agree, the weather has been changing for a while now, we have had a very warm Autumn and while it is a delight, it is a worry indeed. Snow now in the northeast which is unusual for this early in the season. Yep, many a Halloween where the costumes were all but covered in order to stay warm on Trick-or-Treat night.

DEE...woke up this morning to another amazing day. The forecast is unbelievable for this time of year for us. We are on the Celsius method and so our temps today are calling for around 10C...which is 50F. I have to say SWEET! This is after all Canada! And the forecast for the entire week is more of the same... if not warmer. I'll be thinking of you guys DOWN there with the snow! Ha! Ha! Oh, something tells me I am going to eat my words.

[dwsmithrn]

jaboa, jaboa, jaboa, jaboa.....thinking of you, little one, pretty princess that you are....give love and peace to your grandmother and mother and family today....fly above them and let them feel your love.....precious little girl.....hugggs and kisses....

[dwsmithrn]

pam....love the portrait and the pumpkin of your beautiful andy....so fortunate to have such caring friends.....

[mysonrich]

Dee, portrait made sense to me. After all, lots of photos will be taken and in my mind, Dee will have a portrait done! It sounds very pretty. What time of day will the wedding celebration take place?

I was out till 7 last night. Traffic delays due to slushy ice and hills. While sitting in a line of cars I heard the crack,crack,crack of tree limbs and tree's falling. The window stayed open with my eyes looking up.

Pam, Andy has wonderful friends. The portrait is beautiful. I see the love in the brush strokes. The pumpkin is great too. Talented people .

Kate, is there a picture of your son that I don't see? If you need help uploading let us know. Rich had a ting of red in his hair. More when he was a infant and toddler. In the summers I could see it more when he was wet from a swim. When I went to see him in the morgue , he did not look like Rich anymore. I looked upon his face. Studied his face. Looked for something to tell me this wasn't my boy. When my eyes reached his hair, splayed back and blond and beautiful, I could not deny. I have the picture of his hair in my mind. He said once that he thought I was hair crazy. Not really. He just had really great hair.

Keeping an eye on dad/bill has been stressful. Yesterday the CNA called to tell me he was confused and had 15 out of 50 oxycodone left. This rx filled last Saturday. Being stuck in traffic I called the cops. This after the CNA did not answer her phone and dads phone was busy. Cops called me back and said the parties at that house refused their service. CNA calls me back and tells me I misunderstood. I get to his place around six. He thinks its 6 in the morning. I didn't argue with him. As I drive to the drug store I notice its really,really dark. Well, when the power is out in half the town, it is really,really dark. He ran out of an Rx, why I wasn't told before, who knows.

I lost my phone. Getting up early this morning I retrace my steps and find my phone in a puff of snow,on top of ice. It still works. I buy groceries, deliver them and ask dad if he wants breakfast. No. Too early. I go to leave I can not get my car off the ice. Spin,spin,spin. I sit for a few minutes. Drink my coffee, thinking. So I sent a call out, “ Rich. I could use a little push please” After a little maneuvering, sliding sideways,watching the car next to me as my rear bumper swings close, I say again,” one more time Rich. I'll take my time”. Out and back onto the road.

This morning I came back and looked at pretty pictures of islands and turquoise water.

Thanks for the music everyone. After watching one video I go on to others. I thought Greg’s video was of Roy Orbison at first. I like this other guy too.

Sus, I listed to Reba again too. A great story teller in her music.

Off again to dad/bill. Thinking islands. and I picked up a couple postcards for Zachys sister. anyone else?

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Jaboa, May God hold you in his arms and give some peace to your Grandma and mom and family I know all are angels are up there where there is only love and peace One day we will all be with our angels and having one big party God please give peace here here on earth to ease our suffering I am praying for your family t

Robs mom

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

To Andys mom I love the portrait of your son So handsome I need to post a picture of Rob I do not know how I will have my daughter do it. I went to the cemetery today and put a Miami Dolphins balloon on his grave and a little pumpkin Rob sure loved the Dolphins It was a gorgeous day in Florida j It is so surreal at the cemetery I am still in shock I hate all this I know that all our kids are having a blast in Heaven. I am sure it is a hell of a lot better than what we are going thru. I told Rob I am sorry I do not visit much. It is too hard

At the gravesite I hate it I know that Rob is up in Heaven on the 50 yard line cheering his team on He may be having a Corona with lime You just never know because in Heaven all things are possible!

hugs and Kisses to all of us and tons of prayers I think we all should have stock in Kleenex for all the tears we have shed

I have to take this new life one second at a time I do not want to do all these Holidays It will be. 2 years soon that I lost Rob and sometimes it feels if I just go to bed and wake up I will see that this was all a terrible nightmare God if only that were true Blessings to all of you

robs mom

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

To Shannons mom

I am praying extra hard for God to help you thru this journey You are always a Blessing as you pray for all of us and write to everyone God be with you I feel you are especially sad today but your daughter spirit is everywhere and she is right by you watching over you I know there are lots of kids in Heaven but I prayed to my son that if he meets her to tell her that you love and miss her but she knows And one day we will all be together again

love and kisses and millions of prayers

love Robs mom

[ericasmom]

Pam, what a gorgeous painting adn I do love the pumpkin. There is no way I would have gotten through some of those early times without friends. Eri's and Jon's friends and my friends. May they always know how they help us.

Betsy, so glad that your Beautiful Boy helped his MOm off the ice today/yesterday. Funny that your phone was sitting waiting for you and still worked...Hope that you guys get some sunshine tomorrow.

[westleysmom]

Jaboa Jaboa Jaboa-You are always loved and missed sweet girl.

[westleysmom]

Dee-The dress sounds beautiful. I love a portrait collar dress for stuff like that and know that it will look beautiful. Are you taking any time off this week or is everything on the weekend?

Betsy-Be careful on the ice and snow. Maybe this round won't last long. I know Westley won't be using his coats anymore, but it still hurts to give them away.

Pam-Loved the pictures of Andy's portrait and pumpkin.

Rob's Mom-I have been thinking the past few days that I am tired of Westley being gone and I want him to come back. I went to the cemetery and told him that today. I guess we are all waiting to wake up from the nightmare that never ends. Westley had a cadillac too, but it was older. He had wrecked it on one side, ran it all the way down a guard rail. He said it was like 2-face on Batman, if you looked at it on one side, it looked great, the other side looked like a wreck. You had to stand in front of it facing it to get the whole picture. He was hell on wheels and wrecked every vehicle he ever drove except one, and he made up for that by wrecking some of the others twice. Westley would be having a Miller Genuine Draft, when I went to the cemetery today, there was a line of tops off of MGD bottles on his headstone, courtesy of his friends. They haven't quit going to see him yet, although I imagine some day they will.

Leah-I hope that the day has been kind to you, as kind as it can anyway.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, portrait made sense to me. After all, lots of photos will be taken and in my mind, Dee will have a portrait done! It sounds very pretty. What time of day will the wedding celebration take place?

I was out till 7 last night. Traffic delays due to slushy ice and hills. While sitting in a line of cars I heard the crack,crack,crack of tree limbs and tree's falling. The window stayed open with my eyes looking up.

Pam, Andy has wonderful friends. The portrait is beautiful. I see the love in the brush strokes. The pumpkin is great too. Talented people .

Kate, is there a picture of your son that I don't see? If you need help uploading let us know. Rich had a ting of red in his hair. More when he was a infant and toddler. In the summers I could see it more when he was wet from a swim. When I went to see him in the morgue , he did not look like Rich anymore. I looked upon his face. Studied his face. Looked for something to tell me this wasn't my boy. When my eyes reached his hair, splayed back and blond and beautiful, I could not deny. I have the picture of his hair in my mind. He said once that he thought I was hair crazy. Not really. He just had really great hair.

Keeping an eye on dad/bill has been stressful. Yesterday the CNA called to tell me he was confused and had 15 out of 50 oxycodone left. This rx filled last Saturday. Being stuck in traffic I called the cops. This after the CNA did not answer her phone and dads phone was busy. Cops called me back and said the parties at that house refused their service. CNA calls me back and tells me I misunderstood. I get to his place around six. He thinks its 6 in the morning. I didn't argue with him. As I drive to the drug store I notice its really,really dark. Well, when the power is out in half the town, it is really,really dark. He ran out of an Rx, why I wasn't told before, who knows.

I lost my phone. Getting up early this morning I retrace my steps and find my phone in a puff of snow,on top of ice. It still works. I buy groceries, deliver them and ask dad if he wants breakfast. No. Too early. I go to leave I can not get my car off the ice. Spin,spin,spin. I sit for a few minutes. Drink my coffee, thinking. So I sent a call out, “ Rich. I could use a little push please” After a little maneuvering, sliding sideways,watching the car next to me as my rear bumper swings close, I say again,” one more time Rich. I'll take my time”. Out and back onto the road.

This morning I came back and looked at pretty pictures of islands and turquoise water.

Thanks for the music everyone. After watching one video I go on to others. I thought Greg’s video was of Roy Orbison at first. I like this other guy too.

Sus, I listed to Reba again too. A great story teller in her music.

Off again to dad/bill. Thinking islands. and I picked up a couple postcards for Zachys sister. anyone else?

Hi Betsy, hope your day has been OK. Is that storm finally subsiding? Always comes in with a real blast! It was a great day here today. We added more Xmas lights to our yard. Now I just have to wait for my husband to light the crazy things. Feel like that movie with Chevy Chase. Christmas Vacation. Heck, they could land a spaceship on our property. It is so dark in the country and everyone around here loves Christmas lights. We're just waiting now for it to get dark enough to have a trial run. Just a test and then we will leave them off until Christmas time. Wish us luck!

Yes, I do have pics of Jeff. And I will post when I can get my husband to help me. Jeff was really tall. 6' 2" tall. He had a broad build like a football player. Avid sports guy. Loved hockey (goalie) soccer, football, golfing, etc. When we saw him at the funeral home he definitely looked dead. They had to keep him for some time before they would sign off on the cremation. It was so upsetting. I never remember him that way. Only as my Jeff. I am dreading his angel date. Trying to keep as busy as I can. But on certain days I am like everyone else and just retreat and feel sad. When we walked into the site yesterday I noticed as we left that my husband was choking up with tears. He is a quiet man and keeps his emotions to himself. Jeff was his very good friend as well as son. We have helped each other through this tragedy.

Sounds to me as if you are really busy with your Dad as well. Can't be easy. Anyway, hang in there and hope the weather improves soon.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, portrait made sense to me. After all, lots of photos will be taken and in my mind, Dee will have a portrait done! It sounds very pretty. What time of day will the wedding celebration take place?

I was out till 7 last night. Traffic delays due to slushy ice and hills. While sitting in a line of cars I heard the crack,crack,crack of tree limbs and tree's falling. The window stayed open with my eyes looking up.

Pam, Andy has wonderful friends. The portrait is beautiful. I see the love in the brush strokes. The pumpkin is great too. Talented people .

Kate, is there a picture of your son that I don't see? If you need help uploading let us know. Rich had a ting of red in his hair. More when he was a infant and toddler. In the summers I could see it more when he was wet from a swim. When I went to see him in the morgue , he did not look like Rich anymore. I looked upon his face. Studied his face. Looked for something to tell me this wasn't my boy. When my eyes reached his hair, splayed back and blond and beautiful, I could not deny. I have the picture of his hair in my mind. He said once that he thought I was hair crazy. Not really. He just had really great hair.

Keeping an eye on dad/bill has been stressful. Yesterday the CNA called to tell me he was confused and had 15 out of 50 oxycodone left. This rx filled last Saturday. Being stuck in traffic I called the cops. This after the CNA did not answer her phone and dads phone was busy. Cops called me back and said the parties at that house refused their service. CNA calls me back and tells me I misunderstood. I get to his place around six. He thinks its 6 in the morning. I didn't argue with him. As I drive to the drug store I notice its really,really dark. Well, when the power is out in half the town, it is really,really dark. He ran out of an Rx, why I wasn't told before, who knows.

I lost my phone. Getting up early this morning I retrace my steps and find my phone in a puff of snow,on top of ice. It still works. I buy groceries, deliver them and ask dad if he wants breakfast. No. Too early. I go to leave I can not get my car off the ice. Spin,spin,spin. I sit for a few minutes. Drink my coffee, thinking. So I sent a call out, “ Rich. I could use a little push please” After a little maneuvering, sliding sideways,watching the car next to me as my rear bumper swings close, I say again,” one more time Rich. I'll take my time”. Out and back onto the road.

This morning I came back and looked at pretty pictures of islands and turquoise water.

Thanks for the music everyone. After watching one video I go on to others. I thought Greg’s video was of Roy Orbison at first. I like this other guy too.

Sus, I listed to Reba again too. A great story teller in her music.

Off again to dad/bill. Thinking islands. and I picked up a couple postcards for Zachys sister. anyone else?

Hi Betsy, hope your day has been OK. Is that storm finally subsiding? Always comes in with a real blast! It was a great day here today. We added more Xmas lights to our yard. Now I just have to wait for my husband to light the crazy things. Feel like that movie with Chevy Chase. Christmas Vacation. Heck, they could land a spaceship on our property. It is so dark in the country and everyone around here loves Christmas lights. We're just waiting now for it to get dark enough to have a trial run. Just a test and then we will leave them off until Christmas time. Wish us luck!

Yes, I do have pics of Jeff. And I will post when I can get my husband to help me. Jeff was really tall. 6' 2" tall. He had a broad build like a football player. Avid sports guy. Loved hockey (goalie) soccer, football, golfing, etc. When we saw him at the funeral home he definitely looked dead. They had to keep him for some time before they would sign off on the cremation. It was so upsetting. I never remember him that way. Only as my Jeff. I am dreading his angel date. Trying to keep as busy as I can. But on certain days I am like everyone else and just retreat and feel sad. When we walked into the site yesterday I noticed as we left that my husband was choking up with tears. He is a quiet man and keeps his emotions to himself. Jeff was his very good friend as well as son. We have helped each other through this tragedy.

Sounds to me as if you are really busy with your Dad as well. Can't be easy. Anyway, hang in there and hope the weather improves soon.

[aim630]

JaBoa, JaBoa, JaBoa-sweet angel, please send your grandmother, mother and brothers a sign to ease their pain and grief.

Leah -thinking of you and your family today and sending hugs your way.