Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 I honestly feel that the only thing that kept me going after Jeff died was family. My husband and my eldest son needed me. I have two beautiful granddaughters that I adore... and I firmly intend to see them grow up and hopefully marry, etc. God willing. Margarett it is good to see you. You had me worried. I can honestly tell you that most of us here have had those same thoughts at some time or other after our loss. I have enclosed a picture of my youngest GG who is now six years of age. They live to ski and spend every weekend in the mountains. Last year she continually came in second in skiing competitions, but this year has now made it to the podium to claim the gold. She was over the moon with excitement. She also is not too bad on the half pipe. No sense of fear whatsoever. Oh, to be that age again. I remember years ago the kids working on the cube. That's excellent that your grandson has made it to the competition. Good for him! Lesley, sorry to hear your ankle is still so sore. I really hope that it will improve with time. How nice to hear about the warmer weather and even a butterfly! We had a storm over the weekend... but we were lucky that we did not get as much snow as anticipated. The city however really got hit. At least it will melt like crazy at this time of the year. I am heading to a greenhouse on Friday that sells only orchids. How I love to just walk around and drink in the colour and aroma. Balm for a winter weary soul. Wishing everyone a peaceful evening. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MargeeTx Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Lesley: get better soon and I hope you get some pain relief. Today is the dreaded Tuesday....7 weeks, and I am still going along. Still no autopsy report- dangit- but hopefully soon. I loved the picture, RM; it is just the sweetest picture. i managed to cook again today. Mikey 's favorite- spaghetti. Now that will last him 2-3 days. Also went to the ATT store to fix the storage on my phone...ain't no way I am using Terabites since I am not working. Otherwise, another numb, miserable day. XXOO margarett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Kate....wow....your GRANDdaughter certainly worked for that first place...love that photo..I do admire all who ski....and my husband, daughter and all the boys are great at skiing...but not me...but none can ride a horse like me. I think it is great that your son and wife take the girls on week-ends skiing....out in Mother Nature...and getting all that exercise. Leslie....I do believe one of your problems is having 'cabin fever'.....not being able to go places in a normal way. My family has had me house bound after surgery because of all the flu that was around...now it is getting better with flu cases. Happy to hear you got some outside time and for sure....considering this time of the year....your boy sent you a butterfly for sure. Peggy...just keep an open mind....this is just the first meeting....in time...you will get to know the others...just like you have on this site. I do believe it will be a source of great comfort to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Peggy, good luck at group, I have been twice to the same group and each meeting was drastically different, but I Will go back, I wish it was more than once a month. It helps to hear the other parents, that we feel similar feelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MargeeTx Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Has anyone heard from Lettie? She and share our date, January 23rd. XXOO margarett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Kate, how wonderful for your Grand-girl...what an accomplishment indeed. And your heart is bursting with joy, that makes me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 I hope Lettie is okay, we all know the dark places we all go in this early grief...LETTIE??? You out there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 NiquesMom.....am glad you are attending the Grief group meetings....I think this site is good to connect with parents who walk in your shoes...but it is even better to have a human...face to face with people. They can give you a hug...and also...may sprout a friendship of kindred hearts. My Grama always said..'no matter how hard you think you have it...someone has it worse'. You are blessed in that you have your son....little boys are always 'Mama babies' when they are young....and then...when they turn around 12-13-14...they become a 'Daddy boy'....and that is normal. Many of my friends could not stand the fact that their son's started a special relationship with their Dad's...(also could not stand the fact that their son's had girlfriends)....such an abnormal connection to their boys. So....gather that little boy close to your heart...I do believe children have a very healing spirit. Together both of you will find a way to go forward. I did not say 'easy' ...but is very 'do-able' and his needing you will be one reason to get up every morning and take on 'one day at a time'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Margee.....I live in Brenham....my son, John David, passed away when he was 42. Massive heart attack....but he was very sick and in the hospital when it happened. I do believe you have summed it up right....just another miserable day. The 'shock suit' will fit very tight the first 2 years.....and with it comes a lot of brain fog....and the most hateful by product of this kind of grief is insomnia. There is simply no book or movie that can prepare you for this kind of grief. This is simply a day to day kind of surviving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 hi everyone. well i went to group last night.there was only 4 of us there i guess people were getting ready for the storm we are having here in ny right now. well i was the only one crying and visually upset. 1 person was 5 yrs 1 was 3 and one was 9 months. i felt for all of us as i do here. i was nervous at first but became comfortable. i did join in as they told me i didn't have to if i didn't want to. i told my story of his death and cried all the way through it. before this i never cried in front of people now i just don't care. as we just discussed just another miserable day. i will go back again. it was about a half an hour ride i met at one of the ladies houses and we drove together. we talked all the way there and all the way back which also helped. i have just read up on everyone and i hope people are ok today. its 1:17 and i haven't flipped out yet. but when i am working i get up at 4 am today i laid in bed until 830. so my heart is starting to feel real heavy right now. god i miss him so much who ever ever thought something like this could happen to us. thanks for listening peggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 does anyone live in ny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SAMANTHA ANT'S MA Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MargeeTx Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 I am so glad that Tuesday is over for another week. Which one of you is Virginia? I think I missed a post. I am trying like heck to get everyone's names right,but I swear, just when I think I am making progress, I screw up someone's name, without even trying. Could be my diet.... today I had 4 chocolate chip cookies, followed by a piece of pizza from day before yesterday, with coffee. Day old pizza ain't bad if you zap it for only 40 seconds, so the crust doesn't turn into something unchewable. And besides, when I ended up with a full set of dentures a couple of years ago, chewing and French kissing just are not the same. And don't reveal my denture fact to ANYONE... they are a secret. I just finished reading the book recommended for Meredith about the loss of a sibling....Name all the Animals by Allison Smith. Great book , but I am not really sure she would be able to identify with most of it. It is very Catholic, and she is a Southern Baptise. And, she was never exposed to the lBGTQ community, AT ALL, until about 8 years ago when she moved here..she has since moved back to Alabama and is now married to a good 'ol boy. So there may be parts of the book that she might struggle with. So, I am continuing my quest for reading material for her. Jeremy gave us two fake rock speakers for outside for Christmas, and my old Mp3 player did not have Bluetooth, so Mikey has spent the past couple of weeks loading my music on a new player that is Bluetooth capable. Mind you, I do not have music on my iPhone ... ( would never figure that out ), so he has loaded all of my music for me....from at least 700 CD's .... I like Everything... from gospel to hard rock to instrumental, monks chanting, 50's,60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, hip hop, folk, jazz, alternative, country, blues, etc. Get the picture? He said I could start playing from the beginning and still not play all of it in 2 weeks or longer. So, now, imagine this old lady in her back yard, working in all of my Jason flower beds, and ROCKING OUT. The cops have only came once to tell me to tune it down. (But they liked my music... just the neighbors 4 doors down didn't. ) I have granted myself a cocoon day today... still in Pj's, holed up in bed, reading. Good for my soul anyway, and it has given me some relief from the torment. We are supposed to be in 70's on Friday and 80's on Saturday...I will spend those 2 days outside...playing with the dogs, doing some gardening, and probably spending most of the time in my 80 jet hot tub/spa. I am also planning outside dinner dining with the hubby. The spa does absolute wonder for my arthritis. Mikey usually ends up bringing me in... in a bucket and putting me to bed. A little adult beverage after dinner, and I will be ready. None of the above has helped me forget my darling son, Jason. He was always so much help to me with the gardening. I will have to find me a "yard boy". Jason understood my vision for the garden beds. He always gave me great suggestions. And he did the heavy stuff without complaining... even after I changed my mind right after he had dug/ transplanted some big plant.... he would move it to a different location, with just a rolling of the eyes. I miss him beyond belief, and love him even more. XXOO margarett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SAMANTHA ANT'S MA Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Thanks to all, who have taken time out & continue to come back & write day after day words of encouragement to lift me up or to check if I am ok. If not me someone else. I don't always write but I read everyday. I don't know what I would do if I did find all of you. Thanks again with all the pieces of my broken heart for being there to listen & mostly understand. Missing him like crazy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SAMANTHA ANT'S MA Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Margeetx, I am in the same situation as you when it comes to names. I quit trying cause my mind is all over the place any way. ROCKING OUT don't sound bad. I think Jason would love to watch you working in the garden the both of you worked on together & ROCKING OUT like he would. I can just picture the two of you together in the yard & how you love him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Margaret, I am Virginia, my daughter name is Dominique, she passed 11 weeks ago tomorrow. I can't learn anyone's names, I just use the user id listed. I read every day, I don't always post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Do what 'ever' you feel like doing....there is no master plan with this kind of grief.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Going to bed but will write more tomorrow: but as far as names, it would help everyone to learn everyone, if you sign your name on the end of your message, there is a way to do it in the set up so that it is automatic, don't remember now how it is done, or just sign your name each time. Peg, so proud of you for going last evening. I know you are getting slammed with a big old snowstorm right now, so hunker down and be safe. Samantha, your screen shot is right on! All that stays the same is our name...so much else changes, but do take hope...even a tiny spoonful of it, one day some of the things you loved to do or liked to do at least, before this horrid loss, will return as something you like to do. Parts of you will become more recognizable again. Hang on Sweetie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Yes did get slammed with snow lost electricity it's back now. Catching up on every ones post. Such beautiful read this morning. Need to go to work talk later peggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 we are all warriors today and every day. (it is also my birthday but I have not cared much for that since I turned 30 many years ago! ) samantha love that quote. I too have memory issues so often get a blank on people's names, it is so much easier when they add their signature to the posts so it comes up automatically every time. margarett love that you have Jason beds and enjoy spending time outside. Good to have music to accompany you but sounds like the volume is a bit high for your neighbours!! I love my garden and spend time pottering when I am able. Presently I just look through catalogues to get ideas as to what to plant next. I love bright clashing colours and incorporate them all for the bees and butterflies to enjoy along with me. My son had gorgeous bright orange hair so there are lots of orange flowers in my garden throughout the seasons that make me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LESLEY!!! While life is so different than we ever could imagine, the date that marks your birth is a celebration to all that know and love you...especially that SON of yours, that Orange Haired Boy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rebekahs mom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 I'm Sarah, rebekahs mom. She died 12 weeks ago this Sunday from what we believe was drug overdose. Her death is considered a homicide. Still waiting autopsy/toxicology reports. I also read numerous times a day but not always posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Post when you feel like it Sarah, just reading may let you feel a sense of belonging, a sense of folks around you that get it. 12 weeks is a lifetime and simply weeks rolled in one...when we had our Babies, we would say things like, " my Baby is 12 weeks old today!" in joy. Now you and all of us are thrown into a world where those marks of time are not at all joyous. You are marching through it though, cause the only way in grief is through it, and it is thick and blinding at times, and hard to see a light from anywhere, so just keep reading and know that there will come a time that feels lighter than this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Happy Birthday, Lesley. Sorry to hear you got slammed with snow, Peggy. If anyone wants to add a signature to all of their posts they can do that from within their profile. It does help learn who is who and while a sign in name is good, I found that the personal connection by name works for me because what could be more personal than sharing our grief. But whatever you are comfortable with. From the top right corner where you see your sign in name and a triangle.Click on the triangle and you will see Go to account settings and you will see a place for signature You can add your signature and whatever you might like. You can even add a picture if you want. Sorry I took up so much room but I have always found that including snippets for the instructions work well. Hope this helps anyone who wants to add a signature. Once you do you will not have to add it at the end of your post, it will always show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Happy Birthday Lesley.....29 Again ? I know that special family of yours will help you celebrate...even though you will be in a chair. Hang on to recovery and healing....we know you are looking around at all that you think should be done...and all that you want to do....one of my sons is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon....he gets very angry when patients who went through extreme surgeries to keep them alive....will not follow orders for their recovery....you and your Dr. are partners...he can only do so much...the rest is up to you. We know you want to be able to move around normally....just keep being patient. I love that you highlight your garden with orange....for your boy. Sarah.....if all you can do is read....that is just fine. The shock suit fits very tight the first two years....and the brain fog is very thick. Simply do what is necessary for you and your family. I developed a strong sense of 'What Is The Use'.....I seemed to have stepped into an alternative universe. I own my own business...a small apartment complex here in Brenham....I am what people would call a 'workaholic' personality....in fact..raising 6 kids did not faze me at all but after losing John David....I developed such a 'useless' mentality.....I did not even have the urge to drag a dead cat out of the house. But....everyday chores ...shopping...cooking...attending to all that make up our everyday lives still has to be done....but I felt like I was walking in quicksand. This kept on til around the 7th or 8th month....and then I slowly got back my mind set on getting things done. Just be very kind and easy on yourself..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Dianne, this is so good of you to show in steps how to do this...I don't even remember how I did this, it was so many years ago now...you are so great with technology. I too love the personal expression and connections, but I have no ability to learn a name without a visual attached with the post...then my brain can attach the person being grieved to her/his parent...but I make do. I think that when so many start on our site at the same time, it is harder for my feeble brain to sort who is who. Susan, I love that you said, " having 6 kids didn't faze me,..." Lord you are a go-getter. But yes, after a loss, the energy to even sneeze is lacking. Life does come up again, much like a daffodil remembers how to grow after so long underground, we do rise and put our faces in the sun again, but we are changed, and of course we should be. We were changed by the birth of each Child, we are inevitably changed by their leaving early. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 i had to write names down just so i don't forget to include anyone. ericas mom mermaid tears tears in heaven rebekahs mom tommy's mum niques mom samantha and margee. since i have been on you guys are the people i see and talk to. when i get home from work i let loose lay in my son's room for awhile losing it of coarse. then i can't wait to sign on to read your posts. my son passed jan 20th 2018 i miss him so much. i guess a lot of us do repeat ourselves but i think we all understand. my son was 44 too. i just still can't believe he is not here.i also do not know how my son passed. the medical examiner gave me a letter that said it would be 16 weeks. all i know is he told his friend he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. he was working two jobs and it was taking its toll. i said to his friend are you sure he is not on something. he said oh no no.. if he was and his friend could have saved him or me for that matter there will be a problem a big big problem thanks again i read every single day peggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 thanks for the birthday wishes it was nice.my dad made me a birthday cake and brought it over with my mum I cried. he uses a box mix but iced it himself and even stuck a happy birthday sign and some candles on I was very touched. Only had 6 candles on it ,the full 53 would have set off the smoke alarm lol! looking forward to seeing my kids even though I cannot do much with them. sarah I don't know if you feel better knowing the cause of death or not? We crave information but it takes a while to process. Many parents have no clue if their kids use drugs so that can be a horrible shock, but in your case the police suspect someone else of poisoning her which is also awful. Process any information slowly let your emotions out and keep people around you to support you. We will always support you here. peggy I read every day too and often comment. I live alone so you guys are pretty much my only contacts and i look forward to your posts and replies. 44 was pretty young I hope you get some answers soon but like I said to Sarah it takes time to process information and it is never happy reading but it may help you. Understanding is just part of the journey. Sometimes questions are answered sometimes the information is scarce but it all has to be dealt with. susan having a large family is great isn't it? I feel after the first two the number does not really matter because you are always busy and they entertain/argue with each other. I had my 4 kids in 5 years and being a stay at home mum was the best years of my life. I often had a friend over for each of them so I was unfazed by having 8 or even 10 kids around. When I was a preschool teacher in the USA we were responsible for twenty 2yr olds with just 2 staff so my experience came in handy there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Diane....thank you. I only know how to do 'some' things on the computer...I just want to know what button to push. Laurie was our 'techno person to go to'...am glad you are on this site for us. How is your leg doing ? My Mom had a friend that had to have her veins 'stripped'....that was back in the early 60's...what an ordeal for her. She was better after surgery. She had such horrific pain before the surgery. Is there any news concerning your daughter and family moving ? I do hope they will be transferred to an area conducive to you and your husband moving near them. Dee...just the other day I was trying to sort out the way I have 'changed'...so subtle....I have not gone back to my roles in the organizations I belong to....but....when there is a fundraiser/event I am there to help. As you know....some committees have a meeting to discuss having a meeting. My community means a lot to me. My apartments are doing great....but...I have the best tenants in Brenham....my business self has never changed. I will have to mull over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Happy Birthday Leasley xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted March 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 8, 2018 Glad to help in any way I can on here. What is ironic is that for 30+ years I worked in Diagnostic Imaging way before it was dependent on computers....but my ankle joints were starting to bother me and my fingers and hands started getting bad. I was a jack of all trades there not only doing xray procedures but handling the continuing ed for my group, starting the bone densitometry department, doing angiograms and heart cath, while being the point person for the then new computerized application for handling workflow and being in charge of performance improvement. I switched to the IT side of things, learned what I needed and went into consulting and spent significant time working for Texas Childrens and Texas Health Resources and loved all of that. So wish I was still working. I can only admire you, Susan and Lesley, I just didn't have a good background in the child department. I certainly tried my best with my kids. I just didn't have a good foundation with my childhood. I always told my daughter(she was the oldest) she was the one that taught me how to be a mom. No luck on them moving yet but I did hear the word "move" in a conversation. I pray for that every day. The company's last posted general manager job in her husband's company was in China..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Hi everyone to all the new members sorry you’ve had to join us. I wish you well take care of you and lots of hugs. You will get through this Day by day with small steps forward with lots backwards. It’s terrible hard and brutal at times but keep coming back here just read if that’s all you can manage as it does help that’s how I’ve survived. Its Mother’s Day on Sunday here and it’s the 11th I feel so sad just miss James so much. God Bless xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tinay Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Hi. I sent a message to whoever (at the bottom it says, contact us) regarding not getting the alerts to newly posted things. No response. This is frustrating for me because I have to go into email, find my last notification and the click next and search for what I last read. Getting really upset about this. I didn't change any of my settings and notifications. Anyways. I'm starting to not like the black box I have kiona's cremains in. It's the same box I received her in. I can't seem to find what I want for her. Or can't afford them. I thought about buying a glass jar and decoration it but don't want to ruin it either. Guess I'll keep researching. Kiona has been gone 352 days today. I still don't believe I think. I'm not sure. I hardly cry anymore. Except for now. If I do, I push it out of my mind. I miss her so. I'm still in the self stage. I get upset when family and friends post in Facebook about their missing her and their emotions. I don't feel they hurt like I do. I know it's a different hurt. But my mind screams she was mine. She is my angel. It's selfish I know. I can't help it. The 3 involved we're supposed to turn themselves in on her birthday and spend the night in jail. I wish I knew if they actually did. I hope they did but again, I hope they didn't so there would be warrants out. Tho with the two who broke the conditions of their sentencing, I don't think anything would have happened. I'm still thinking about the wrongful death. I pray for guidance. But I thought the other day that my sign must be there if I still feel strongly and it's always in my mind that I should. I don't know. An old friend said he would do my memorial tattoo of the drawing she did that we put on her folder for cheap for me. I just have to get to him. He lives by my family so that won't cost must to go up there. I also need to get two quilt squares made for the places her cornea's and tissue donations went to. No hurry they say so o have that to think about. Peace and love to everyone Tina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MargeeTx Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Happy 29th birthday, Leslie!!!!! On my 50th, co-workers actually had me a stripper in a casket. It was beyond awful. I swore off birthdays after that. It is so interesting to me that so many of us have backgrounds in healthcare. i, too, come here, everyday. It is like a warm visit with old friends, who understand that I am CRAZY right now. And, being this crazy is totally understood by every one of you. I sent a message to the board administrator foe assistance in changing font sizes and colors. Nothing yet. i send warm blessings to you all. Jason is gone, and I cannot do a damned thing about it. Life is not fair. XXOO margarett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Tina, can you put this place on your toolbar? You know, bookmark it on your toolbar or on your desktop? The moderator, Konnie, usually gets back to people within about 4 days, but if not, keep writing. Same to you Margee, keep asking for assistance to the site. TIna, I know it hurts more than anything possible, and yet, here you are and here we all are. I sure hope that some kind of justice is found in the case with your Daughter...and no, life is not fair...one day though, it will not feel this harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 tina a couple suggestions for you. I know memorial stuff can be very expensive so I thought of a couple ideas for you.1) Find a cheap glass jar and decoupage it using glue and pictures or glue cut out flower pictures or things she liked. check out decoupage tips online for more ideas. When it is dry varnish it. 2) Alternate coloured sand in layers with her ashes to make a rainbow jar. 3) get some battery mini fairy lights to nestle in the top of the jar to accent. 4) hand paint or colour spray an attractive jar, you can use stencils for lettering or decoration or a favourite quote or her details etc. 5) Paint picture it is easy to find something online to copy but you may also be very clever at painting already, and dilute a little of her ashes to use as a grey.6) Some people just get a simple opening locket and put some ashes inside so they feel closer to their loved one. Handmade gifts are more personal and you do not have to incredibly artistic to acheive something beautiful and personal. it would be a lovely project to do as a gift to Kiona. This month I know is really hard for you with her birthday and angel date in the same month, I have the same issue but in August. The tattoo idea sounds lovely post a photo when its done. I have yet to decide my memorial tattoo for Tommy it is for me a big decision and I have yet to find the perfect one. georgina yes this sunday is Mother's day in the UK and I am sure it makes you sad. because I lived in the USA for years my kids and I celebrate the American mother's day in May as my birthday is in March so it is a bit more spread out. My siblings and I got a handmade decorated wooden bird table for our Mum which she will get this sunday. That photo of the orange butterfly is gorgeous and def reminds me of my boy thanks. dianne where does your daughter currently live? Is it far away? Gosh China would be very far but with snapchat skype and facetime etc you could still keep in touch. margrett I totally agree with your comment "It's like a warm visit with old friends." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Lesley, love those ideas for a pretty container...and Tina, we used to have someone here, many years ago that had a company that created containers for ashes...he himself lost his Son. I can't remember if it was Greg or Nick who did this, so those of you who may remember...chime in. I know how completely impossible it seems to have this many days without your Girl, your beloved Daughter. I remember feeling like a piece of yarn, frayed and split. The sun is shining here, so good to have two days in a row of bright sunshine. Love it, though it is deceiving, still only 24 degrees. I don't mind though, great for walking. Remember all, be kind to yourself, take the advice that you would give another person who is in your shoes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Georgina, good to see your sweet self yesterday... Leah, how are you doing? How about Becky and Gretchen? Laurie, you okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tinay Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Tommy's mom, thank you for the ideas. I thought about this jar and this type of thing only darker blue. I was talking to my mom about it and she stated she didn't need to see her ashes. She would know she is there. I told her I don't know why but I have a need to be able to see some of her ashes. I like the layers of sand idea. I could put in her shells and things of that nature she liked. I'm wishy washy too cuz I'm not sure I'd want her like that forever and not sure I'd want to split her up between jars. When I get my tat, I'll definitely post a picture. Peace and love Tina Oh. I also thought of an apothecary type jar. I'm not much of a painter. I also like the idea of mixing some ashes in the paint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tinay Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 I found these. I like the idea of the one with photo slots if I want to put photos in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 tina I love all those ideas let us know what you decide. A lot of people split ashes between family members or scatter them in different places so do not be too concerned about splitting the ashes up it is ok. There are lots of sites where they incorporate some ashes into jewellry or blown glass ornaments but they tend to be pretty pricey. The important thing is that you have a piece of your girl to keep with you, whatever you decide will be just perfect. i was not allowed any of my son's ashes which devastated me for a long time but I have come to accept it. I know i have photos and memories that no one can take from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 love all the visuals of containers...creative ways to hold one so Dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Momma Bear Posted March 9, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 9, 2018 Hello everyone I'm Matt's Mom and usually just read everyday but I wanted to share what I did with Matt. I miss his hugs. He wears Matt's clothes and I change him when he needs a new look. I slit the bears back and put the bag with his ashes inside. I've told my daughter when I go to get me a bear too. He sits in the living room and is always with me. He is quite the conversation piece. We got him on sale for $20. Thanks my friends for keeping me sane. Brenda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Mama Bear....how I love this....I think you must be kin to my tribe... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MargeeTx Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Oh, Virginia.... now I remember....your date is so very close to mine, January 23rd. I get JEALOUS every time I see bigger fonts and colors. But my little tool bar does not allow me to make changes, other than bold, italics, and underlining. I must have screwed it up when I initially sign up for the forum. i have no suggestions for the containers. But, you will come up with something just right for YOU. We still have Jason's in the black box, with gold lettering for his name and the date. Was anyone else surprised at how heavy the ashes are? When Meredith comes in June, she, Jeremy and I will decide. I am not real gung- ho about scattering them anywhere. Is this me being weird? i did spend about 3 hours in the garden beds today....Jason was right there with me. The speaker 'rocks' worked great, and on shuffle I went from gospel to rock to blue grass to classical. I loved not knowing which song was coming next. After my shower, I took some pain RX, got the 4 heating pads, and laid myself out. I had 4 back surgeries 2 years ago, so I was pushing the 3 hours. But, adding a glass of wine really helps the pain medicine! Before my back got real bad, I could start in the yard at 7am, and go until dark. Between being a nurse, being extremely clumsy, and being tall/ lanky, my back was a huge mess. I will be fine in the morning. But, hey, I wasn't forced to retire until 6 months past my 65th birthday. I had hoped to work until I was 70, but God retired me early so I didn't have to return to work when Jason died. What is a Prayer Shawl? My friend from Georgia called again today to tell me she was sending me one. I could have googled it, but I prefer all of you to google. ok, my beautiful friends....enough rambling on and on. You are all in my heart. XXOO margarett Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Mama Bear, glad to know you are reading and finding comfort in our place...love your Bear, he looks so kind. If ever you'd like to chat here, tell us about you and your Son, please do. Susan, love the tree screen shot, first because I love trees and green is my favorite color, but secondly, that phrase is exactly how I feel, have felt throughout life since Erica left. I live life in my way, might be super boring to someone else, but to me, it is quite lovely. And when I don't join in or travel, others may say things about how I have changed...and they are right and I make no apologies for that. I am who I am now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Margee, I imagine a prayer shawl to be a cozy wrap to put around you when you need it, perhaps like an arm around your shoulders. I have had back issues since I was a teen and they of course got worse with age...My Son had a big back surgery last summer, scary stuff. I used to be in the garden for hours at a time as well, but I cannot do it now, can't bend over even on my knees for more than about 15 minutes at a crack. What kind of surgery was done Margee? I too am klutzy, and while not as tall as you, grew fast as a kid which caused some back issues as well. I am 5'8", but I was 5' by 4th grade. I thought that I would teach until I was 70, but I hate what is happening in education, so much testing and data gathering rather than letting teachers, who for the most part, really know which kids need what kinds of lessons...so we lose being able to use our instincts and have to just keep testing our poor little ones. So one more year after this and I will retire. Peace out All Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 mamabear I love that big bear and the fact he wears clothes and has your son's precious ashes inside a lovely personal keepsake. And something you can hug and talk too. I am glad you felt able to share with us sometimes it is so difficult to do. lots of people just read and that is fine too at least you are a part of our community and may find some comforting words or ideas to help you. Each one of us has something valuable to offer. When you feel ready to share more please do so. susan that quote is incredible and of course I love the tree. I admit I am a weird one who loves all trees. I have always planted them in each house I have lived in. My house and yard are very small so I have a magnolia tree in a large pot and two fir trees in large pots. I hope to get some mini fruit trees sometime margarett no rush to do something with the ashes of your boy. Everyone has different ideas it is perfectly accepted to split them it is what everyone left behind needs to feel better. Some people just keep them in their house because it comforts them, some people leave the scattering until they decide what and where to do it, it is all a personal choice. It is good you were able to retire that certainly takes some pressure off. not sure what a prayer shawl is i agree with dee's thoughts on it. Maybe it has been prayed over for you by different people? dee I hear you. Teaching is such a stressful job now with multitudes of paperwork and annoying frquent testing it must take some of the joy out of it. Sadly there are often kids who do not see the value of education and disrupt classes with their attitude comments and behaviours. being smart or hard working is still sneered at which is a great shame. My kids Annaliese Emily and Ross are home! Along with Lottie Ross' gf and jack my nephew who is like another son. It is incredibly loud full of noise chaos and laughter i love it!! I go to bed way earlier than they do as they are typical night owls so I push in my earplugs to sleep! My parents are so happy to see some of their grandchildren it is so sweet. Their other grandies are in USA and Vietnam so they do not see them very often. wishing everyone a serene weekend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Today is John David's birthday....his 48th birthday....he left this earth home when he was 42. I was fitted with a tight fitting 'shock suit'....and a thick brain fog...90 % confusion...10 % rational thinking. HOW did my robust..healthy...strong...vibrant son die from some freaky...sickness...that led to a massive heart attack ? I had no anger...just mass confusion....I was thrown into a world where 2 + 2 did not equal 4. I felt as if all my normal became abnormal. I have learned that I will NEVER MOVE ON....I have learned HOW TO CARRY ON. I have posted before....that I feel that some form of sacred osmosis has happened...and he is with and around me...I will post my visitation dream...I embrace it as a holy gift to me....my boy broke through the barrier...the veil....to let me know he is 'just fine'...to give me proof...that he is in another place and all is well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 10, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 10, 2018 Susan, I know that John David is sending his love and support today on this special day. May all of the wonderful and comforting memories that you hold so close and dear surround you and fill your heart with love and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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