Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Betsy....thanks for sharing....the statue is amazing...and the story so very sweet and dear....I bookmarked it to show to my family....

     love your 'sentimental journey'.....Horton Foote is from my hometown...and the movie..'Trip to Bountiful' is still one of my favorites...we get to the stage of our life when it is not quite so busy...with every minute being organized and always getting ready for the 'next day'....

   and we have the luxury of going back...it does the heart good...so glad you could visit family...

 

 

Laurie...hoping your sister has a good recovery...I am told that kidney stones is a very painful health issue...surely now she will have some pain free living...am glad you are there with your parents....this has been a year of lots of grief and loss for your family....how is Christina...Thomas....your husband doing ?

     I saw a young man driving a tractor...thought of Jesse David...and know that when you see a young man driving a tractor how it pulls those heart strings...I am thinking that I have a memory on every road..and in every corner...I would have to move out of Texas not to 'see' them....but they would just follow me....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I've been reading everyone's posts and stories. My heart hurts for us all. The guilt is a hard thing and something I've struggled with too. Our lives were anything but perfect in the years before I lost my Tris but I went through my days thinking I had time. Time to fix things and people and make everything right.

Karen, Reading your story I see some of my own reflected. I had a very traumatic childhood.

My parents were both alcoholics/addicts. There was extreme domestic violence in our home. Typically it was between my parents but often I tried to intervene and became a target myself. We lived in horrible conditions. I am the oldest and became the peacemaker and caretaker for everyone. I fed my brother and sister, washed our clothes in the bathtub, and tried to maintain some sense of 'normal' in our home. My Grandparents did eventually remove us from the situation but it was a long fight as Florida did not recognize Ohio law so even once they were granted custody in Ohio we were stuck in a foster home while the courts fought it out. They wouldn't send us to Ohio but also wouldn't let us stay with my parents because by that point we were living in a tent. We finally went home to love and a stable environment but I was 15 years old by then. A lot of damage had been done. My mother disappeared from my life at that point and only resurfaces now and then to wreak havoc. My father ended up in prison for 7 years and now that he's out has squandered away any help I give him. Including jobs, apartments, etc.

My Tris was born 4 years after moving in with my grandparents when I was 19 years old. My precious Girl. She changed my life but I still had a lot of growing up to do. In many ways we grew up together. Like Karen, I never really dealt with me my past trauma. I just pushed it away. I threw myself into my family. It took awhile but eventually I saw the way I carried it with me. I always tried to be the best mother I could. I was a preschool teacher and where I worked allowed me to be with my kids most of the time. I was room mother for their classrooms. We read, and played, my whole world was them.

Then my husband died. Everything fell apart. I got involved with an awful person and wasted two years of our lives trying to 'save' him. Once I broke away from that I met my now husband. He was charismatic and kind and had an extreme passion for life. We had a whirlwind romance and married quickly. My kids adored him and I thought finally things would work out for us. We moved, started our business, and became pregnant with Aiden within the first two years.

I guess my point to all of this is that I keep looking back. I see all the ways my choices and the personal battles I was fighting have effected my kids. If only I'd made different choices my Trista's life could have been happier. I do know though that I love my children with all my soul and I truly did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. My goal in life is and always has been to give my kids my very best. I know that Tris knows how much I love her. She's my daughter and my best friend. The best gift I can give her and my Boys is to keep trying, learning, and growing.

Sorry for 'spilling my guts'. I've been in a very reflective place lately. I also know it helps me to read and relate to the stories shared by others. Maybe my story will be read by someone someday and it will help them in some small way. Thank you all for being here and providing this place to rest.

[katibug98]

Karen~I think we could all go there...blaming our parents for something.  It's hard I'd imagine with it feeling like it's so unfinished.

 

Wanda~The pictures are beautiful.

 

 

 

We had a family here yesterday *the husband works with my boyfriend* and they had a little girl. She is 15 months old.  I threw out a lot of the toys we had because, well...there weren't a lot that Cora was attached to. Or any of my girls for that matter.  I was tired of the clutter.  I did have some baby dolls that she could play with, a pull behind dog, and a little alphabet sound thing.  I did really well pulling stuff out for her. I still have Cora's 'toddler' swing hanging on the swing set, and the little one could swing in it.  I did okay until it was quiet in here again and I'd gotten everything cleaned up before I cut loose.  I can see how much my 7yo, Rae, misses her sister.  She was so good with the little girl.  She brought our kitty over so that she could pet him.  She brought her toys, showed her how to play with the train set, etc.  Even though Cora got on her nerves a lot of the time, she in certainly missed.

 

To top off the evening, our cat managed to get out...going after a skunk...through the kitchen screen *they slide* and he got sprayed in the eye *and all over*.  Yuck and yuck!!!  It still stinks in here.  He needs another dunk in tomato juice.  Ugh!

 

I was going to head to church this morning, but I'm just worn out.  And, school starts tomorrow and I'm nervous about going back to work.

[katibug98]

Shannon~Our lives shape and mold us into who we are today.  I just don't always like the parts of life that are shaping and molding me.

[Mermaid Tears]

Katie...you have a lot on your plate now....and grief flows from every cupboard and corner...loved that photo of your girl you posted the other day....

     and you still have a lot of responsibility at home...and now going back to work tomorrow...phew ....that is a lot of energy you will have to extend....

  please 'self care'....no one is going to take care of you better than 'you'....

[ericasmom]

Shannon, when you look back next time, look at this wonderful posting, you are filled with goodness and knowledge and instinct,  in the face of so much not good, and there you are perservering as your Grandmom has done in your lives.Trista surely knows your heart, she knows your love through and through, as do your Boys. You are a great Momma.

 

Wanda, the photos are so dear, thank you for sharing them, the night of lights in Lane's honor sends light to all of those who love him and to all of us who love him through you.

 

I will read and catch up later.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....I am honored that you feel safe enough with us on this site to share your story....and I know in telling it...you have to go back and touch those 'hurting places'....

    as Essie would say to you...'you learned how not to be'....and sometimes that lesson is just as valuable as the example of how to be....

    and you have your Grama and Grampa that stepped up to the plate...

 

I would think that the grief journey you are on...first your husband...then your precious Trista...is like a path loaded with land mines....but you are doing 'good'....

   and your heart and love are 'shining through'....you are an exceptional...Mama....

 

more later....I have to work on a make-ready...I am under time constraints now...my new tenant needs to move in on Tuesday (instead of Friday)...I have always made a rule of not working on Sunday....but...once in a blue moon....I have to ....

[ericasmom]

Once in a blue-super-moon, Susan.

Tonight, the supermoon.

 

Betsy, so good to see you today. I love the poem and statue. Good to know that you are still moved to take those wonderful trips I have come to know you by. So good of you to stop by your Aunt's home with food to share. All those places that touch memories and bring you to those places that helped make you, YOU.

 

And speaking of helping make YOU, YOU>>>the hardships we endured, many of us in our growing up years, our early adult years, mistakes made of course, those hardships even though we wish that we never had to know them, helped you learn who you wanted to be rather than who we were geared and led to be. Fighting the urge to continue on the destructive path that many of us were on early on in our lives, we did what Susan said, we learned who not to be. We can't change time and nobody can give it back to us, and so we use this moment to do good, to do our best.

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, thank you for sharing your past with us. It is a hard road to walk when we look back and recall painful memories. And then you look at your husband and sweet boys and see how far you have come and how much good there is to keep you going. Life is full of hardship, but every so often we are given doses of goodness and joy that helps us to endure.

 

My youth was not an easy one. I too have much that I would like to erase from memory. For me my lesson in this life is forgiveness I believe. Letting go of the past and those who have negatively impacted my life. It is a very hard thing to do. The hurt is something that seems to wrap itself around us at times when we are feeling low. I sit here writing this while waiting for my only sister and her husband to arrive for a barbecue. She is the one that has not been there to support me throughout any of the worries of the past few years. I see her for who she is. I know that wishing for her to be someone else will only end in failure. I now accept her for herself. I will leave the door open, but I will not accept any further neglect. I plan to be just who I am... like it or not. This past week we planted three trees in our yard dedicated to our son and our dog. A sign of life continuing in a positive way. When my husband first became sick with cancer I was terrified of being alone had things gone wrong. Now through this last period I have come to acknowledge that I can and will survive on my own whatever the outcome. I have family in name only. I know that I am stronger than I ever thought. Surviving Jeff's death has taught me lessons of survival that I never could have imagined. Yet here I am still standing.  I see others on this site who are bravely making changes to their lives. It gives me encouragement that we must move forward on our own...sometime alone...but it can be done. 

 

Susan, I look forward to hearing about your new Golden Girl when she is settled.

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon, thank you for sharing your past with us. It is a hard road to walk when we look back and recall painful memories. And then you look at your husband and sweet boys and see how far you have come and how much good there is to keep you going. Life is full of hardship, but every so often we are given doses of goodness and joy that helps us to endure.

 

My youth was not an easy one. I too have much that I would like to erase from memory. For me my lesson in this life is forgiveness I believe. Letting go of the past and those who have negatively impacted my life. It is a very hard thing to do. The hurt is something that seems to wrap itself around us at times when we are feeling low. I sit here writing this while waiting for my only sister and her husband to arrive for a barbecue. She is the one that has not been there to support me throughout any of the worries of the past few years. I see her for who she is. I know that wishing for her to be someone else will only end in failure. I now accept her for herself. I will leave the door open, but I will not accept any further neglect. I plan to be just who I am... like it or not. This past week we planted three trees in our yard dedicated to our son and our dog. A sign of life continuing in a positive way. When my husband first became sick with cancer I was terrified of being alone had things gone wrong. Now through this last period I have come to acknowledge that I can and will survive on my own whatever the outcome. I have family in name only. I know that I am stronger than I ever thought. Surviving Jeff's death has taught me lessons of survival that I never could have imagined. Yet here I am still standing.  I see others on this site who are bravely making changes to their lives. It gives me encouragement that we must move forward on our own...sometime alone...but it can be done. 

 

Susan, I look forward to hearing about your new Golden Girl when she is settled.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I remember sometime (?) back.....you writing about all the conflict at home and you would 'walk away'....and that was a tool you used...walking and walking....and now....after losing Eri....your girl....you walk and walk...it gives you energy and stamina...and Mother Nature is covering you....

  yes...the Super Moon....I love..love to swim at night...in the summer I just float and look at the moon and stars...it is so peaceful....and the water is like warm silk....looking forward to tonight....I will let you know what it looks like from Texas...

 

 

Kate...while I languished in the room at Port Aransas I was in deep thought about the 2 year mark...2 years trying to figure out...the first thought in the morning...'What will I do without you'......and later in the day...'What can I do for you'....2 years of this extreme pain....and longing and wishing and hoping....being blindsided by the sheer force of grief...

  and really....just being in a place where you don't even know where to put your footsteps...it is exhausting...and I am amazed that I survived 2 years...

 

Thank you for being ahead of us on the grief journey...and waving to us that we , too, can make it....

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....my new tenant is not a Golden Girl....she is in her late 30's....she will be a great tenant...

I spent many, many moments thinking of Miss Pat while working...am so glad that I had a hand in her spending the last of her life in my apartments and she was just so happy there....I just wish there could have been many more years for her there.

I will always call it 'Miss Pat's apartment'....I had another tenant that had to move to an Assisted Living complex...I still call her apartment..'Miss Ruth's apartment'.....now I only have 3 Golden girls...the rest of my tenants are in their late 20's...30's...some have children.....I do not allow pets....I do allow children....(of course)...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate, Thank you for sharing what you did. I hope your afternoon with your sister is nice. What you said is something I am working on.

Forgiveness but also choosing to stay strong and stand up for myself.

For me, for a long time, I couldn't find that balance. There was anger or there was love. Growing up the way I did I was taught a warped sense of love. Love meant sacrificing myself, taking care of others at the expense of myself. Then I would become so resentful. I would harbor that anger. People either were with me or against me. Then I would fall right back into my care taking roll. It's hard when the people in question are people you love. After losing Tris I was forced to look at these relationships with my father, mother, brother, and even my husband and I began to see more clearly the ways that I was taking on what was theirs and in doing so making myself as sick as they are. I began to realize too that the things they did weren't done to me. They were never about me at all. There are those who are so lost in their own darkness that they won’t think twice to throw more and more on top of your already unbearable load. Those people did try continue that relationship that I had allowed for so long. They were dependent on me because I allowed them to be. I finally stopped that out of necessity. I just didn't have it to give anymore. I had to begin to remove from my life, that which no longer served me. I had to choose only those people and situations that allowed me move forward, that strengthened, and inspired me. Everything and everyone else, I started sending away with love and a prayer because that’s all I had left to give. I am learning to let go. I have prayed more in the past year than I have in all my life. Some days that’s all I could do. I gave it to the Creator and simply let myself ‘be’. Whatever that meant for that moment, that hour, that day, whatever I could do, just that I was still here and still trying had to be enough. I had to learn to just be.

Thank you all for letting me share that. Dee, Susan, and Kate, Thank you for your supportive words.

Maybe these things seem not, at first glance, to be related to the loss of my Tris but they are. They are things I carry guilt for. The dark things I sometimes go to late at night when I start to question 'why'? ... Just when I thought whatever karmic debt I must have carried with me from another lifetime has surely been repaid... Why would my beautiful, precious daughter be taken from me? Why would she be taken when she had so much to give and so much love and so much life ahead of her.

Then I hear others share their stories and I realize that sometimes 'bad things happen to good people' and there may not be any answer to the 'why'. At least not here and now.

What I can do is sift through the rubble and find those beautiful pieces because they are there. And use them to build something new and beautiful. Susan, I think you have compared this to creating a mosaic from the shattered pieces.

I can honor my daughter and carry her forward in all I do (although many times I'm sure it's her who is carrying me). I can take what is good and useful and leave the rest. Dee, what you said and Susan's Essie is so right. I can say I learned what not to be. The rest I am learning along along the way. I've had wonderful, strong people show up in my life and I'm grateful. I've made a promise to myself and to Trista to make the most beautiful mosaic I can. When I leave here I want to welcomed by my Girl and to hear, "Mom, I'm proud of you." I want to leave a legacy for my boys that they will be proud of.

Sorry for rambling on today. This one year mark has put me I a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Shannon, very well said.

 

Susan, I agree about the 2 year mark...

 

Kate, hope everything goes well...

 

Sending prayers for everyone this evening...

 

Katibug, take care of yourself as you are starting work tomorrow...is your workplace supportive....my daughter and husband were both helped by going to their job...they are routine kind of people so this was a good thing for them... 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie, Thank you.

Tonight Aiden and I are having a campout. We’ve set up in the backyard. We are going to do s’mores and sparklers and see what the supermoon looks like here. After Aiden falls asleep, I hope to sit by the fire and talk to my Trista. She loves the moon and the nighttime. We would go for night walks from the time she was little until I she left. She loved to just listen to the sounds that she called ‘night music’. Her friends knew of her love of the moon and of the Celtic sign of the Triple Goddess. Two of her closest friends got tattoos in her honor of the Triple Goddess symbol. I recently went to her site and someone had left a cactus there with the hand written words, “For My Moon Girl”. I miss her so so much.

[katibug98]

Laurie~Yes, my work is supportive.  My boss *our center director* managed to get the whole center closed for the day of Cora's services.  All of my coworkers were able to come to the services.  And, my boss lost her teenage son about 7 years ago, so she knows about losing a child too.  She's checked on me off and on throughout the summer.  She would call and talk to me while we were at the hospital too. 

 

Shannon~I'm learning the lessons that you speak of.  It's a hard place to be.  I find people in the area where I live to be very 'needy'.  And I tend to be the person who 'comes to the rescue'.  I tend to be the peace keeper instead of the maker.  I walk on egg shells.  I keep my mouth shut and don't share things.  Then because I do that, I tend to explode.

 

 

 

 

Today has been an off day.  I just feel raw.  My love language is physical touch and I just really don't want to be touched.  Honestly, I don't want to be around anyone.  I'd rather just be alone.  Of course, when I'm alone...I get weepy.  I've tried pulling out my crocheting because it's always been soothing, but the hat that I started is with yarn that I bought when I was in the hospital with Cora...it was giving me something to do.  So instead of it giving me 'rest'...I just cry.  Eh...I just want to go to bed.

[katibug98]

We stopped at the cemetery today too and they move things that are placed at each site so that they can mow.  They didn't put them back!!!  I'm kind of frustrated about that and I realize there is another butterfly 'post' there, but *sniffle* they are my baby's "night lights". 

[ericasmom]

Katibug, good luck with going back to work and the girls going back to school. I know it all seems too daunting but the schedule may feel good to the kids, maybe even for you. Remember that grief is an exhausting element in our lives, you will need to make sure of how you are treating your body and soul. Let us know how your days back to work are. I am so glad that you work in a caring environment.

I rarely leave anything for Eri's grave anymore as everything I have put there disappears or is mowed over and shattered or bent...I leave flowers and sometimes a special trinket.

 

Susan, lying in a pool at night just gazing upwards, sounds absolutely delightful. Enjoy and I hope the moon shines brightly tonight. It can't here, the cloud cover is too thick.

 

Shannon, make me a smore will ya, and let me know how the moon looks from your view. We are a cloudy sky tonight.

 

Laurie, how are you as of late? I hope that the days have been kind to you and the family.

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Shannon it is just after 4:00 in the morning here and I am looking at a brilliant moon shining brightly and thinking of you and Aidan as you have your sleep out. It sounds wonderful. I remember those nights of ions ago with Jeff. One in particular when he walked into the cottage and told me to grab a blanket and lie on a lawn cart while we sat looking up at the most magnificent northern lights. To this day I have never seen anything to equal it. God worked his magic that night.

 

Kati, good luck today as you start back to work. I am glad that you have a supportive workplace. It is unfortunate that you can't leave things at the grave as they are disturbed. I know at the beginning I too left a few things and they disappeared after some time. People can do the oddest things.

 

Laurie, how is your sister getting along? You must be worn out looking after your parents and trying to help everyone while keeping your own feet on the ground. Make sure you take care of yourself as well!

 

Lora, how are things going with the upcoming move? It can be a ton of work. The weekend trip away to the concert is a terrific plan.

 

Dee, when does school start your way? Gosh, summer sure has flown by! When is the new baby due again?

 

Susan, it sounds as if you are being kept quite busy with your apartments. Is it still quite hot and dry your way?

 

Suicide not only ends the life of a child...but kills the parents as well. You become invisible to society. Shunned and almost abused by neglect. Yes forgiveness is a very difficult thing to find in your heart when you must carry this pain alone. Accepting that others  can not or will not let you talk openly about it is something that sadly is the norm. Family can be so difficult. Keep your mouth shut or we leave you alone to rot. We have an image to maintain. Can't let people know that our perfect lives are not so perfect after all. How do you do the Christian thing here? How do you accept someone that will not accept what happened?

[Mermaid Tears]

Am so glad the site is up again....

I think I suffer a little from a panicky withdrawal..

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh Gosh, I thought I had done something wrong. We ran a security scan this afternoon. We have a very good firewall. I was afraid that it was me. At any rate...things are up and running again. Thanks to everyone involved for working on the problem.  

[ericasmom]

Odd, checked it 5minutes ago and it still was not up, at 7:10pm, but it is now! HOORAY! So glad to see you all again, and so happy for those that saw the giant full moon last evening. The cloud  cover too thick here, rain and more rain in the night. Threatening more tonight.

Anyhow, welcome back Everyone.

[Angel Boy of Mine]

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4464834316375

 

 Update on baby ducklings, mama has been gone a week, and they are now 3 weeks old. Not sure what happened to her! But they now follow my voice and me around the yard, and in this video, come to my dining room window when I open it and call to them to eat! I call this "duckling fast food window" .My walking is still awful, and maybe they like me because I waddle like a duck!

[Angel Boy of Mine]

duplicate post, sorry!

[katibug98]

Becky~That's absolutely adorable!  Poor baby ducks without their momma.  <3<3

 

 

 

Today was okay.  My work days start tomorrow.  The girls started school today.  My oldest daughter's biggest issue?  The math.  It wasn't the actual act of getting it done, but she HATES writing for math.  She'll write stories until the cows come home, but she doesn't like writing for anything else.  Weird.  And she's SO good too!  My 7yo had an okay day, but man is she crabby at night!  Oih!  As I was pulling together some of the documents that I need for the divorce *the million and one pages of paperwork that I now have to do because he disagrees on TWO things in the whole divorce*...I came across Cora's birth certificate.  Instant water works. 

 

I also am glad the site is back up.  I was wondering what was going on.  Whew!

 

I'll try and check in tomorrow morning before heading off to work.

[ericasmom]

Becky, I love the video. I love that you think that they follow you because you waddle. I hear the sense of humor back in your words, the enjoyment of these babies in your life. I hope that you continue to heal and make progress and the ducks continue to grow and adapt. Thanks for keeping us updated on their development.

 

Katie, I wish you good luck tomorrow on going back to work. Glad that the girls have begun before you just to get them in the mind-set. I hate writing for math too, so do many kids. I teach third grade and I tell the kids that write as you talk yourself through the ways you are solving the problem. The goal is for our young ones to grow up adn be able to discuss the reasons for the ways they solved a problem and the tools used, the algorithm used...as we become more and more a screen-based communications world, we need to be able to send the how-to's of things via messaging and much of the how-to's are math and science.

The divorce is a huge energy zap but it sounds like you have learned how to use your energy best. When my kids were young, 11 and 9, I went through a divorce of their Dad. It was very hard on everyone, but we made it. And the Kids' Dad and I later (years) became close as friends again. Wishing you luck on all fronts.

 

Kate, we were able to catch the pretty moon this evening. Not as Super big but bright and bigger than usual it seemed when it rose. The night is filled by cricket songs, tree frogs have joined in and they will sing their songs well into the night. I love the August night music.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....how wonderful that Mother Nature is giving you this gift....and you so deserve something sweet...little...fluffy...and they so need you...a win/win......

 

 

Katie....I do hope your first day at work will go in a positive way....

I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you are going through a divorce...and the heavy grief of loss of a child...

I remember going through the divorce ...John David's dad...(Randa and Jesse's also)....

it was not pleasant...after it went through....all he wanted was John David...he did not want Randa or Jesse...

and oh....the battles I had to fight.....still.....not one regret...

[Mermaid Tears]

Yesterday was the two year marker of John David's Memorial service....

only those on this site know how that can break off another piece of your heart...and your day is spent in spinning backwards...

 

The fact that I could survive one day after losing one of my children is amazing...

 

The fact that I have survived 2 years is testament to a Higher Power...God/Mother/ Father of the Universe holding me in Faith and Grace...

 

for we know we are in a free fall in that empty space....

'something' is catching me...

 

many of us have talked about this 'feeling'...having one foot in the earth home...the other foot in another place...where that child may be...

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, they are absolutely so adorable. Keep us posted as to their progress.

 

Kati, good luck today.

 

Susan, I agree that it is a very good thing that the site is back up and working again.

 

Dee, I agree that the night sounds in August are always such a treat.

 

I was very sorry to hear of Robin Williams passing. I will admit my heart stopped when I heard the cause. My heart goes out to his family and friends. Rest in peace, you dear man. So very sad.

 

We are enjoying some truly beautiful days lately. We are spending as much time outdoors as possible. We managed to make it into the site to begin work on cleaning up from the damage after the major storm from a few weeks back. I will admit that until yesterday my heart was just not in it. We have made arrangements to have the bench moved back further in case of future storms. I tided up the gardens and will admit we both felt a sense of accomplishment when we left. It helped to lift my spirit considerably.

 

Ross is off to the Doc for his usual check up on Thursday and I am keeping my fingers crossed for a good outcome. It is always such a tense time wondering how things are going. We hope to leave early and perhaps if time permits take in the new Journey to Churchill exhibit at the Zoo. It is a new polar bear exhibit that is one of a kind. I hear it is quite a popular spot for tourists and kids.

 

Thinking of everyone today and hoping your day is filled with peace. Kate

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate,

I'm glad you are having such nice weather and that your spirits have been lifted in the work done at Jeff's site. I'm sending prayers for good news from the doctor.

Becky,

I love the video update on the ducklings. It made me smile today. I'm so glad they are bringing some joy.

Kati,

I hope today goes well. Getting back to a routine can be hard but also good. My sister started back yesterday. She is a preschool teacher and works at the same preschool I did for years.

Susan,

Sending you hugs today. These dates and those days before and after can really send us spinning.

Dee,

Our fire got rained out the other night but we did campout. Once the rained stopped we sat and listened to Trista's 'night music'. Aiden said it was the best campout ever even though we got the rain. The moon was so bright that even with the cloud cover it lit up the night.

Thinking of everyone today and sending wishes for a peaceful day.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Double post

[Mermaid Tears]

We are all holding hands in a circle of sorrow and remembrance for Robin Williams....

 

many parents...on this site know first hand the deadly tentacles of alcoholism...addiction and dark depression...that can strangle even the best of the best.....

and how many simply give up the pain and struggle....

 

one of my favorite scenes was in

The Birdcage.....'Fosse...Fosse...Fosse'....

 

amazing talent that can only be described as genius...he and Jonathan Winters were amazing...

[ericasmom]

Cried when I heard the news of Robin's leaving yesterday. The pain he was feeling, the pain his family is feeling. The combined love in this world for this man who everyone that knew him/ knows him, says what a generous wonderful spirit on earth he has always been. God bless you Robin Williams. May our Angels surround you too, as you find your peace now.

One of my favorite movies, Dead Poets Society, where Robin Williams captures the hearts and minds of his students:

 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/08/11/robin_williams_in_dead_poets_society_what_will_your_verse_be_video.html

[ericasmom]

Fingers crossed Kate, that Ross has a good check-up. It must have felt good to clear the area around the bench and garden. I am happy for that feeling of having done something good for your soul.

 

Shannon, how nice that your camp-out was a success even with the rain. These are the pieces that are helping form your Boys into great humans. Times with you and adventures in nature. Glad that the moon shone through  the cloud cover.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....loved that movie...and so did all my kids...which reminds me...I must get Austin to see it...he has asked me to make a list of movies that I think should be on his 'watch list'....and for me to let him know how old I was and what the movie meant to me....

 

Alcoholism...addictions....have no discrimination....

[ericasmom]

I remember watching the Birdcage Susan, loved it, and I remember renting it for Erica when she was home sick one day during highschool, her laughter was a treat. Wonderful movie.

My kids loved Ms. Doubtfire as did I. I loved Good Morning Vietnam. Good Will Hunting was amazing. I loved his manic humor as much as his very serious side. I was watching a bit of August Rush, I'd never seen it, it was on the other night but I became too tired to attend to it, so went to bed but it was with Robin and he was scary powerful in it. I will have to find it again.

I know that the world must be such a hard place sometimes for folks, so much so that they must leave to find respite.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I got on Facebook today and saw all the posts about Robin Williams. I added my own tribute. This is what I wrote...

I'm reading all the posts in honor of Robin Williams this morning. He was a truly gifted actor. I think his eyes stood out for me the most. He had 'old soul' eyes and an infectious smile. Something about him, even on screen, gave a sense of a kind and compassionate soul. His death saddens many people but my heart goes out to his family, who know more of his personal struggles than the rest of us. Mental illness, depression, anxiety, addiction... They are very real and do not discriminate. Anyone from any walk of life can be effected. I recently watched again, What Dreams May Come. Robin, I hope you are in a place of beauty beyond your wildest dreams.

I was sitting on my deck, lost in thought and shedding some tears for the losses I saw this morning. The nation is saddened by the loss of Robin Williams and I also found out that a dear friend just lost her father. I cry a lot these days. Things that, in the past would have brought a feeling of sadness and compassion, now bring me so easily to tears. I am more empathetic than sympathetic to the pain of others now, as I am touched in a place where my own heart still bleeds. As I was sitting there, a beautiful butterfly came to visit me. It was one of the black and yellow swallowtails that remind me so much of my Girl. A reminder that there is pain and hurt and loss but also beauty in the world. I am sending out love today to everyone, everywhere who is hurting in any way. Sounds a little broad, I know but there is a lot of hurt in the world and what we need is more love, understanding, and compassion.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Double post

[ericasmom]

And Amen to that Shannon.

When I watch the news and see hundreds of desperate humans running to the helicopters to try to lift off the mountain that they were escaping to from the violent militia that told them they would be killed if they did not renounce their religion...what? It is 2014 and we have folks by the hundreds, thousands, being slaughtered because of their own culture, their own belief system? How can this be true, how can it still be happening? When a 36 hour truce can't hold between two other areas also with religion and belief systems and land at the cause? How?

How can we make this different? We must, but HOW?

We take what we have in our hearts, broken as they may be, and we make them hold even more.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....I do believe you are creating another Moonchild....

 

I think most of us will agree that we have a deeper well of empathy after losing that child...

maybe it's because we have been to our own kind of hell and back..

we have faced the unimaginable...

so our eyes see in another way..

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thoughts on Robin William's passing

I had read Christopher Reeve's book, Nothing is Impossible. I remembered what he had written about Robin Williams, who was a long term friend of his.

Christopher speaking: "One of the highlights after my injury was Robin Williams’s sudden appearance in the ICU dressed in full scrubs, impersonating a manic Russian proctologist.

During one of Robin's many visits to our home he watched a nurse suction secretions from my trache with a coughalator, basically a vacuum cleaner for the lungs. Robin grabbed it and went to work on the bedspread, then the curtains, and was about to start on the carpet before his new toy was taken away from him."

Reeve, Christopher (2002-09-24). Nothing Is Impossible: Reflections on a New Life (p. 29).

 

RIP Robin Williams

 

*******************************

 

Kate, prayers for Ross's doctor visit on Thursday. It sounds like cleaning up Jeff's site was a healing thing for you both...at times it is hard to get there (ie to the site) but there is a sense of things being in order afterwards for me.

 

********************************

 

Becky, very cute post on the ducklings...please let us know how they grow...

 

********************************

Dee, things are better with my sister. She is still in pain and does have to use a cane so as not to put too much pressure on one side of her body. My mom and dad are planning on going out to her place I believe tomorrow. They live about 40 minutes from one another.

 

********************************

 

Lora, thinking of you today...

 

*******************************

 

Susan, I am glad that they got the site up and running. I realized then how important this had become to my daily routine...I thought, oh no, how am I going to talk to everyone...there was a bit of a panic...

 

*******************************

Shannon, it was good to hear the boys enjoyed their camp out...we used to use a  pair of binoculars to look at the moon to see the craters...

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

The site's server is acting up again! Got a really weird message after I posted. I hope the administrators of the site can update their server....maybe it is old?

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Thanks for sharing that Laurie.....he was like a neon tennis ball jumping around...beyond sad...I also read that he paid for Christopher Reeves hospital care...

 

I have noticed that people that have alcoholism/addiction struggles...(not all) have such sweet, warm hearts...

maybe because they struggle with such pain....and like us...parents that have lost a child...have a way of seeing and touching of others in pain...a knowing...

 

Laurie...also...on our 2nd year marker...I think that 2nd year brought up a resignation feeling...resigned...

which is different from acceptance...

I know I will need to come to a place of acceptance and Grace...not there yet...

 

resigned to know that this is how it will have to be...this is my life now...

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie, Thank you for sharing that bit on Robin Williams. I agree with Susan, many times those who struggle the most have the sweetest warmest hearts.

Dee, I have the same thoughts and sometimes can't stand to watch the news because I feel helpless. At those times I just pray for us all because it's all I have.

I keep hearing the phrase lately... Hurt people hurt people. There is truth in that and can be seen whenever we turn on the news but I've seen the opposite too. Here on this site, for example, I see beautiful, shattered hearts reaching out to each other. As Susan said, we have been to our own hell and back. I believe that makes us unafraid to reach out and touch someone else's pain, to touch those dark, hurting places that we now recognize. Like when I kiss my little one's skinned knee and suddenly his tears are replaced by a smile. Sometimes what we need is someone who's not afraid to reach out and touch our wounded hearts with a loving word.

[shorty16]

Shannon

I agree. I am much more empathetic now, knowing what that family is experiencing. Shock, dis-belief,

To all

I too was shocked to hear of the death of Robin Williams. I suffer from depression, but medication keeps me "normal". Depression is an ugly beast that sucks the life out of you...kinda like a dementor from the Harry Potter movies.

I could not fight the beast on my own...I tried. I knew if I did not act, something bad would happen. That was 22 years ago. I tried going off the meds 2x under doctor supervision. Both times, the beast came back.

Wow, I just spilled my guts..

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[ericasmom]

Gut spillage is good Colleen. Thanks for sharing. I have always been lucky enough to not be prone to depression, however extremely prone to anxiety. I am a worrier and was as a child and it became worse as I got older due to the sadness within my family and the loss of my Girl. So I have a bit of anxiety disorder and it was taking its toll on my love of each day, so I am being helped for that.

 

Laurie, is your Sis able to get around on her own at all? Poor dear. I do not remember what it was that she fell ill with, do you mind refreshing my sieve-like memory?

How are you Laurie, your Kids?

[Jeff's Mom]

Colleen, good for you! There should be no shame in admitting you suffer from depression as any person would from another illness. It is about time that people took off their visors and saw the reality of this situation. We live in a silent culture that will not allow us to openly disclose things that make them uncomfortable. Yet why are they uncomfortable? They need to be educated and informed that depression can be controlled... and it is no different than my dog that required daily insulin for her diabetes. It is a normal physical illness! When people feel they can come forward and ask for help without fear of rejection and stigma then we will make huge progress. It hurts, it kills, and it can be controlled with understanding and help.

 

Robin struggled for most of his life with insecurity. This man was a human being long before he was a star... and he always was! In the end... the human side took hold, and he lost his grip. Like Robin... my son was always the life of the party...the kidder. The guy that made others laugh. Beneath it all he was a deeply troubled young person that thought he needed to be a friend to everyone. My heart aches for his family. I know only too well the pain they are feeling tonight.

 

Susan, how did the camp out with Aidan go the other night? The night Jeff and I watched the Northern Lights was so special for me. Not only because they were spectacular, but because I hold close to my heart the special memory of sharing that experience with him.

 

Thinking of everyone tonight and sending love to all. Kate

[Sholl1955]

Thinking of all here tonight.  I am reading but am in a place of no words right now.  Have a restful night.

Sandy

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thank you Sandy for your post and kind thoughts...wishing you a peaceful night as well...sometimes there is a "place" of no words...and in that place of silence, we hold your hand...

 

Dee, my sister had a combination of things,she had an operation to have her kidney stones removed but because she has 3 pituitary tumors, (one is on the brain stem itself), it makes it all the more difficult when something else goes wrong...

 

Shannon, "Sometimes what we need is someone who's not afraid to reach out and touch our wounded hearts with a loving word." agreed.

 

Kate, I am glad you have that sweet memory with your son, Jeff, of watching the Northern lights...I often think of those special "mom and son" moments, they are the small moments of everyday life, when our hearts touched together and we just enjoyed being with one another...because that was all we needed....

[ericasmom]

As others here have said, Sandy, sometimes no words is the place you need to be. Sometimes there is nothing that can be said that can in any way show what is being lived. My hope to you.

 

Yes, we live in a culture that tweets and messages and takes selfies to send to the world but how often do folks ask and really want an answer to the simple question of " how are you?" Because if they did and we and the rest of the world answered honestly it would put the asking party in the uncomfortable position of being the listener. We humans need to learn to listen better, stronger, and we need to encourage the voices of those in need to stand out, to shout out when they are in need. That we share all there is to share, not just the fun stuff, but the stuff of our lives.

 

Laurie, will the doctors plan any further surgery for the tumors on the pituitary, most especially the one on her brain stem?. Prayers.