Loss of an Adult Child

[shorty16]

Lora

You said what I still think.

How can I survive in a world without my Brian. But 6 years later, I am still alive, married, working, and even smiling and laughing.

This site enabled me to see how other parents survived without their child. Each had their own way. I used some skills of each one of my "friends who know"

It amazes me how each of us has our own circumstances, but the result is the same...we need to live again.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Lora

You said what I still think.

How can I survive in a world without my Brian. But 6 years later, I am still alive, married, working, and even smiling and laughing.

This site enabled me to see how other parents survived without their child. Each had their own way. I used some skills of each one of my "friends who know"

It amazes me how each of us has our own circumstances, but the result is the same...we need to live again.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I had wanted to finish posting yesterday but got sidetracked...

 

Thank you Becky for sharing the story of the birds...I have had two distinct signs from Nature using birds, one was a flock of swans that flew directly overhead at Jesse's grave site the first time her and I went...they sang a beautiful heavenly song that echoed across the sky...and the second time was a unknown bird, a momma and her small chicks...I was in deep grief...went up the road from the cemetery...saw this momma bird and her chicks doing like a rumba dance...it was so funny it snapped me out of this horrible gloom I had fallen into...so I can see where you would treasure this little duck family that has decided to make a nest in your back yard reminding you of Jared's love...

 

Karen, hope you are hanging on here...these are tough days...it is good that Michelle's brother has come home....prayers....thank you for sharing your son's picture...

 

Shannon, I read your post yesterday...I send prayers for the next weeks...healing for your husband, and all of the energy you need just to make it through the day...it is enough just with the loss of your firstborn without all the added losses....

 

Thank you Shannon for your very kind words from your Gramma...

 

Again, thank you all for the remembrances, just saw Colleen's...it does comfort...

 

So many I can think of that have helped me along the way...sending out warm thoughts;

 

Wade, Carol, Sherry, Sandy, Gretchen, Wanda, Kate, Cherry, Ted, Gregg, Summergirl's mom, Lora, Becky, Dee, Susan, Mary Ann, Shannon, Betsy, Jan, and so many others, even if they briefly came here to rest their weary soul...I wish you all peace and love for this journey. May God heal in time...

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I mistakenly mixed the dates up, thinking today was the saddest day...but in fact this date is a happy date, the day that brought your ever-loving boy to you. I am sorry I mixed them up. Yes, Jesse and Eri were just months apart in age. 1984 was a very good year.

Blessings for the day, for the memories and for your sweet heart that is aching today.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie, I mistakenly mixed the dates up, thinking today was the saddest day...but in fact this date is a happy date, the day that brought your ever-loving boy to you. I am sorry I mixed them up. Yes, Jesse and Eri were just months apart in age. 1984 was a very good year.

Blessings for the day, for the memories and for your sweet heart that is aching today.

 

I really liked what you wrote though...and I hope you do not mind I posted the comment in my Facebook account. I noted that your daughter Erica and Jesse would have been the same age in the FB comment...so hard to imagine and come to terms with...

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I sure don't mind that you posted what I posted...I am honored. God bless.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Shannon, thanks for the song...just listened and it was very moving and exactly how I do feel, it has been a tough day...and for the lovely picture of Jesse and the mountains.

 

Kate and Colleen, Lora and Dee, Susan, thank you all for the remembrances and the special graphics...

 

Wishing all a peaceful evening...

[zachysmom]

        I am both sad and glad that I see so many new members. I am sadden because it means that there has been so many new angels, I am glad that so many have found their way here to find shelter and guidance through this horrible storm. I myself found this site shortly after my Zachy left us. I know I was a mess and got so much wonderful support and guidance here. It has been five years now but some days feel like day one. A few months ago I went out and got a tattoo. I couldn't believe the difference it made. It was as if with the tattoo he is constantly with me and it helps so much. 

       

            Anyway Just wanted to pop in and say hello to all. Having fun trying to type this while I am wearing a sling. We were moving and I came out the front downstairs door and stepped wrong or something but I ended up on the ground. Initially just my hip was sore then about five days ago my shoulder began hurting. Went to urgent care and they x-rayed it and said nothing is broken. They may say nothing is broken but I have limited use of my arm and constant pain. I have an appointment with an orthopedic Dr. on the 8th hopefully I can get more information. Elisha is in counseling and finally has a good counselor. The fall semester of school begins on the 25th and I can't wait. hopefully my shoulder is better. 

 

 

I am adding a picture of my tattoo and going to go get more unsweet tea.

 

 

 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

It is good to hear from you! I am glad that you are doing ok. Sorry about your accident. I imagine it is pretty sore right now. Make sure you take it easy if you can. The tattoo is just great! Don't get me started on them. Jeff had a pretty awesome one that has a long story attached. I can understand how it would be comforting for you. Enjoy your tea and have a good evening. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Stupid computer. Double post. It froze as I was trying to post. Second time today.

[Jeff's Mom]

Ditto.

[Guest]

 

Susan, I hope you feel John David while you are in Port A...I remember you saying how much he loved it. So glad friends and family will be there to honor and remember him. I love doing these pictures for everyone, while putting John David's together I see a boy who has his Mom's smile and who loved his family. Thinking of you tomorrow and sending love.

Remembering you John David

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Hi Everyone, something funky with the site, people are hitting post twice because it seems hung up on posting...

 

Karen, I agree, the photo of Michael shows what a handsome man he is and yes, how sad he looks. I do hope that you both found comfort in seeing one another. Remind me Karen, and when it is n't late at night, I will tell you my light stories.

 

Zachy's Mom, the tattoo is wonderful, there is your Little Man with his wings. Your Wing-man.I am so glad to hear that your Daughter has a good therapist. Good, it is not always easy to find so I am glad for you all.

Sorry about your hurt arm, I fell off our deck three weeks ago and rolled my ankle, nothing broken but ow, still bothers me some.

 

Shannon, sorry I misspelled Zak's name.

I hope that the news of your husband's health improves. Your sweet little self must be tired of so much going on Shannon. I hope tha the regains his physical abilities and that he strengthens each day.

[Sailormom]

Good Morning Everbody.  

Some here talk about signs and seeing people in clouds and such.  I thought you might find this interesting  ths picture was taken last summer. 

[Jeff's Mom]

John David, surround your family today with your love. Susan, thinking of you as you gather to honor your special boy.

 

[Jeff's Mom]

John David, surround your family today with your love. Susan, thinking of you as you gather to honor your special boy.

 

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Happpy Angelversary John David!! Susan, I pray for you a sign from your beloved son that he is among our angels, and watching over you as you continue this journey.... you are never without him! 

 

Happy Heavenly BIrthday, Jesse David! Laurie, as you mark his day special, as it has been since God blessed you with your boy, may you also receive a sign from your precious son, who dwells in a kinder, softer place than any this world has to offer.

 

I smile as I imagine them all together, my three JD's! My boy always did hang with kids older, so why not angels that are as well?

 

Love and peace to all here! 

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Happpy Angelversary John David!! Susan, I pray for you a sign from your beloved son that he is among our angels, and watching over you as you continue this journey.... you are never without him! 

 

Happy Heavenly BIrthday, Jesse David! Laurie, as you mark his day special, as it has been since God blessed you with your boy, may you also receive a sign from your precious son, who dwells in a kinder, softer place than any this world has to offer.

 

I smile as I imagine them all together, my three JD's! My boy always did hang with kids older, so why not angels that are as well?

 

Love and peace to all here! 

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Happy Angelversary John David!! Susan, I pray for you a sign from your beloved son that he is among our angels, and watching over you as you continue this journey.... you are never without him! 

 

Happy Heavenly BIrthday, Jesse David! Laurie, as you mark his day special, as it has been since God blessed you with your boy, may you also receive a sign from your precious son, who dwells in a kinder, softer place than any this world has to offer.

 

I smile as I imagine them all together, my three JD's! My boy always did hang with kids older, so why not angels that are as well?

 

Love and peace to all here! 

[Angel Boy of Mine]

 I only hit the reply button once, but there are three JDs!!

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of you Susan on this day...may you find rest in the love of your family...

 

[MissKylie]

Happy Angelversary John David !!!

 

Happy Birthday Jesse David !!!

 

Susan and Laurie ....sending you prayers today...Always thinking of you and admiring your strength and courage...

 

May your handsome angels comfort you tonight...

Sorry for not visiting this site regularly...Just taking time for myself and my wounds...

 

Love lots, 

 

Mommy Cherry

[Kalikama]

Is this a stage?  I am beginning to "see" people in pictures or in life that look like Ethan.  I remember one time, after Bobby died, seeing a boy across a gym when I was coaching cheerleaders and he reminded me so much of Bobby I had to put a mom in charge, find someone to drive my kid home and leave.  I was a wreck.  It made me miss him so much.  Does anyone else get this?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kalika, I think many of us have had that experience...it is not uncommon for a grieving parent to momentarily "see" their children in someone similar who passes us...yes, it can take one's breath away...and melt your legs out from under you...have had that experience about a month ago at Walmart...Jesse worked there as a second job as I did for awhile...I saw a young man that worked there that looked so much like Jesse...practically ran out of the store...
 
Sailormom, thank you for sharing the photo....I love the book, Hello from Heaven byBill Guggenheim, Judy Guggenheim, very easy reading and meaningful...
 
Becky, I like the three posts for the three JD's
 
Cherry, haven't heard from you for awhile...it is good to see your posting...

[zachysmom]

I myself in the beginning saw Zach everywhere. It ripped me to shreds when I realized it was not him. I would see the back of a little boy's head or his ear and my heart would stop. Then the little one would turn and it was like he was ripped from me again. God it hurt. Over time it is not as painful. Sometimes I think of him being just across a thin barrier and that these are little glimpses of him as he plays hide and seek with the other angels. That was one of his favorite games. Every time I hear a knock-knock joke I still well up. I have begun to believe that these glimpses are to let us know our angels are ok and healthy and happily awaiting us. There was a time when I was afraid to cry in public but now when a memory hits me I just let them roll. The most I do now is go to the restroom when I know I need to be vocal. I have come to the conclusion that My family has suffered the most catastrophic event it could and if people around me are uncomfortable with my tears then they can just shove it. If they want to know why I am crying I tell them. Shuts most of them up. There is always those who want more detail but when I tell them he shot himself the shut up. Occasionally I run into one who wants even more detail and that's when I have had enough and tell them to leave me alone. Always remember that the tears you cry water the gardens of the heavens. They do have a purpose.

[shorty16]

My friends,

Our family is fInally ready to create a memory quilt out of Brian's cloths. Brian wore bandanas. Many bandanas were left at the crash site.

I contacted Miles of Memories. Miles of Memories is located in Greendale, Wi. They are non-profit. For each quilt they get paid to make, they create another for selected charities.

I have a bag of Brian's cloths. I went through this bag of cloths today. Really sad, I am surprised how many of Brian's underwear I kept....weird?

We will be meeting with this service shortly. As soon as I know more, I will let my friends know.

I think of my friends here everyday, even though your names are not memorized, you angels are on my mind.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Duplicate

[daveydow1]

Hello to all INDIGOS.....I'm too far behind....as usual.  

 

Kalik-----Your experience of seeing someone who looked like your son

is a common one for the parents who are on this board. I have had

quite a lot of experiences of the same kind, and I agree.....it is so

heart-wrenching.  For myself....I believe that I will always have these

experiences because I am always 'looking' for my son.  As time goes

by, on this rough road, I think that the experience of seeing someone

that looks like your child will 'soften'....but for now, it is so painful,....I'm sorry.

 

Colleen----The quilt with Brian's clothes will be so nice, and a good way to

honor his dear memory.

 

Cherry----Good to see your post, and sweet Kylie's little smile.

 

HAPPY  HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY.......JESSE  DAVID. FLY HIGH, AND SEND DOWN SOME

BEAMING RAYS OF COMFORT FOR YOUR MAMA.

 

 

LAURIE---

Sorry that I missed Jesse's birthday, and thinking of you at this time

 

 

.

 

JOHN DAVID------JOHN DAVID------SAYING YOUR NAME & ALWAYS REMEMBERING YOU.

 

Susan----Thinking of you & sending prayers.

 

 

Beth-----I agree with you----it's good to cry when you feel that you just need to.  I

think that you handled, well,... the questions that others had regarding Zachy's  death. 

The people probably initially want to know if they can help, if it would be something

they could do.  Those that press for more answers can be discouraged from asking

further questions in the manner that you described.  Five years may seem like a long

time to people who have not had a child die, but we here at BI know that this is just

no so.  If kept bottled in,  the tears & the pain that goes along with it will find its way

and come out.  Wishing peace & comfort to you, friend.

 

PEACE    TO    ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry  

[ericasmom]

Hi All, Sherry, is your water affected by the water worries in Ohio. How bout you Shannon?

Sailors mom, I love clouds, thanks for the photo,and tomorrow or later tonight I will tell you our cloud and light story. I am bushed right now. We helped my Son and Daughter in law and Baby move from one house to another all day. We are grateful for their good friends to help and that we had the energy to do so ourselves. Ahhh, a shower and feet up and maybe a glass of wine.

 

[Angel Boy of Mine]

[Steve s mom]

Very beautiful Becky looks like a sleeping angel

[Steve s mom]

Very beautiful Becky looks like a sleeping angel

[ericasmom]

I agree Maryanne, Jared looks so beautiful. So handsome. How are you these days? I have not seen your handsome Son's face here lately. Are you doing well?

 

Becky, I love the duck story too. I love that the ducks have come to your yard to live and raise their young.

 

Goodnight All and sleep well.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Susan,

I made this for you yesterday but my internet kept kicking me off before I got it posted. I just wanted you to know that you, John David, and your family have been in my thoughts. I'm sending love and hopes that you are all feeling the love of John David's sweet Spirit all around you as you are gathered together in that place of so many memories.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Becky,

That picture of Jared is beautiful and so peaceful.

Dee,

We don't have any issues with water here but a friend of mine near Toledo did. She says they have been cleared as of today but since she has a little one is going to continue with bottled water for a while to be sure. You're right. I am very tired. In fact, sometimes that is the only word I can use to describe how I feel but it seems inadequate. We all know the sheer exhaustion that grief brings and then when life and others throw more and more on us it is beyond exhausting but just when you think you can't take another step, somehow you do.

Sailormom,

I loved the cloud picture. My sis and I have both gotten heart clouds. One for me, came shortly after I lost Trista during a very dark time. Another showed up on my Aiden's birthday just three months after Trista's accident. She loves her baby brother so much. I love all these signs and messages from our Angels. Thank you for sharing that.

Maryanne,

How are you doing? It was good to see your post.

Colleen,

Will you post a picture of Brian's quilt when it's finished? I've had thoughts of doing something similar someday with Trista's clothes. When my Grampa passed, my Gramma took the clothes he wore most (a lot of flannels) and had them made into bears for all the children and grandchildren. I think the quilt is a beautiful idea.

Cherry,

It was good to see your post. We all understand the need to cocoon but know you and your sweet Kylie are thought of often.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kalikama,

I have 'seen' my Tris in others a few times. There is an intense joy for a brief moment before my stomach drops and I 'remember' that it can't be her. I hope others are right and that when that happens it does soften in time. Like Sherry, I am always looking for any sign of my Tris everywhere.

[Guest]

.

[Steve s mom]

I have not been doing that well lately .....still not any better sinces Steve's birthday passed.a friend of mine in work lost her son last year,and tomorrow is his birthday.also another coworkers 19 year old son was just killed in a motorcycle accident.

[Sailormom]

Steve's mom- I hope your week gets better.

 

Cara's mom,  I though the face in the clouds was cool,  I had heard people talking about them, but this picture was taken 8 months before my son died. 

 

Kalikama, my oldest son (who found hime) has had issues with seeing his brother everywhere and hearing his voice.

 

Collen, I would love to see a pic of the quilt too when it's done.  I think that is a great idea.

 

[ericasmom]

Maryanne, I sure hope that you will begin to feel better soon. The birthday and your friend's Son's birthday, as well as a co-worker who lost a Son recently...all set you up to feel that horrid event in your lives. I am sorry, it is hard to get away from that sense of returning to the moments of your biggest heartache. There are no easy roads around it all, and going right through grief hurts a lot. It is a serpentine route we take, never avoiding the absolute pain of it, how could we? But finding rest along the way, and moments of sunshine, birdsong, even laughter, on this curving road.

 

Trista, so glad that you do not have water issues. How is your husband these days? Is your Sister still with you? I am sorry for the chaos and clatter to an already full plate and broken heart. Somehow, you will find ways beyond this time and move forward gathering up the good and sunlight as your Girl would have you do.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee,

My Sister is still here, just until the end of this week then it will be time for her to go back home to get ready for school to start. She’s found an apartment and the divorce will be final soon. She’s ready to ‘leave the nest’ and start her new life. Having her and the kids here has been a distraction for sure. Helping her through her divorce and all the other things she’s had going on has helped me. I am the one, for her, who listens without judgment, offers advice without telling her what she wants to hear, and when she ignores it to make her own mistakes, holds her hand without ever saying “I told you so”. We are so alike in so many ways and sometimes it’s like seeing myself 5 years ago. She knows when I tell her something it’s coming not from a place of judgment but of… been there done that… and if I can help you not to make the same mistake I will. She also knows that I fully expect her to live her own life and make whatever choices are right for her at the time even if they don’t work out in the end. It’s all about the journey and lessons learned. Sometimes in reaching out to give a hand to someone else, we help our own heart and that has certainly been the case having her here with me. I hear myself talking to her and think… Yes, that’s right. Why am I not following my own advice? I’m ready though, I think, to have some silence again, my own space and time. This second year is hard hard hard. Not that the first year was not. It’s just different. I’m always teary, it seems. So many tears and I miss my Girl so much. My heart is so shattered and I don’t even know how to begin to pick up the pieces.

Lora,

I’m so glad you found that Happy List by Cara. These things are treasures and I think sometimes we find them just when we need them the most. It’s good to know that seeing someone who reminds you of Cara is good for your heart now. I am sure it will get easier for me as well. I know it all takes time.

MaryAnn,

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time right now. I know, when I hear of another Child lost, it does take me back. I feel the compassion for the family and the pain of my own loss. I’m thinking of you.

Laurie,

How are you?

Wade,

I don’t know how often you are here to read but just wanted to let you know I have been keeping you and Renea in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending wishes for a peaceful day for everyone.

[katibug98]

I have been MIA.  Lots to do.  I go back to work in a week.  I've been off since my oldest went in the hospital the evening of April 24th.  Cora went in the hospital on the 27th.  My older girls start school in 6 days.  I think we're ready.  Maybe.  I took my oldest to get her two shots yesterday.  While I sat there, I began to cry.  As a mom, you do everything to keep your kids healthy...vitamins, healthy meals, exercise, immunizations, etc. and I still am without my child.  Why??

 

So yeah, it's been interesting.  Here it is August and once I start working again...days/weeks/months will fly by.  And being a planner, there's holidays that I don't wish to approach just yet.

 

I'm sorry I'm a slacker and I haven't been here for you all as you have been for me.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, glad that you feel ready for some quieter times. I know that some solace will be found there. As far as knowing how to pick up the shards of your life...it happens, in tiny increments sometimes, and in big sweeps other times. It is a life-long process and along the way, you build in your new life what is needed. All things worth doing are a process.

 

Lora, the happy list must be so precious to have found. Cara is probably very happy that you found it. I am glad that your Boy went to Lalapalooza. It was a great success as it always seems to be but the weather the first two days was perfection. The music was terrific and the happy-factor among concert goers was really great. I have never gone. My big concert days are behind me, but I am sure if Eri was physically here, she would be there. She had such a great time at Bonnaroo just weeks before she was killed. It too was a 3 day concert but sleeping outdoors too. She was a muddy mess, so happy from the experience.

 

Cora's Mom,There are no slackers in grief. Not being here is not slacking, it is finding your way. Coming back when it feels right is a good way to deal with all things right now, no obligation, just do what feels right. Yes, watching your Girls get immunizations and crying sounds like a normal reaction to this new normal you are learning to live in. How are the girls doing? Where do you work?

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kati,

It’s good to see you back. We all know it’s hard to post sometimes and sometimes there is only enough energy to read and that’s ok. I’ve been wondering about you and your Girls. I am also getting ready to send my Zak back to school. He’ll be a sophomore. My Aiden, who will be five in September, will be home with me for one more year. I have decided to do his Pre-K at home. I taught Pre-K for years when Zak and Tris were young, so I would like to keep him with me as long as possible. I may put him in a program for a couple half days a week though, just so he gets the socialization with kids his own age. I understand the question of why?? We do all we can do to protect our kids, to keep them healthy, and guide them. Some things are just beyond our control. I don’t know why. We know the love we have for our Children though and that we would do anything… absolutely anything to protect them. I would have for my Tris and you for your sweet Cora, if only we had that kind of power. Please keep letting us know how you and your family are as you are able. Sending warm wishes for you to find some peace and comfort today.

Dee,

Thank you. It’s very overwhelming still if I think too far. I have to stay focused a lot still on just today. The thought that I have survived a year without my Tris is hard to comprehend so to think too far ahead is too much still.

[katibug98]

Dee~The girls are okay.  While my oldest gives me trouble from time to time, she knows that I do everything I can for them.  My younger daughter is still having difficulty with the transitions.  Their dad and I are divorcing...a process that started just days before Cora went into the hospital.  And yes, I still filed the paperwork and maybe I seem like a callous woman.  He moved out in June and the relief I feel not having him here is huge.  I dread having to deal with him and sadly...having children with him makes that difficult.

 

I am the afternoon teacher at the Head Start preschool here in town.  I was a SAHM from July 2010 until this past September.  Of course, I wonder if Cora would have stayed healthy had I stayed home.  But, at the same time, I wouldn't have had the courage to file for divorce had I not been working.

[katibug98]

Also, this may be a tough question, but if you chose an autopsy...when is the soonest I could call?  Tomorrow marks 3 months and they said 30-90 days for results.  And honestly, in some ways...I feel like there would be some closure if there was something more than just: respiratory failure as a complication of...pneumonia, rsv, strep a, sepsis...ya know?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Also, this may be a tough question, but if you chose an autopsy...when is the soonest I could call?  Tomorrow marks 3 months and they said 30-90 days for results.  And honestly, in some ways...I feel like there would be some closure if there was something more than just: respiratory failure as a complication of...pneumonia, rsv, strep a, sepsis...ya know?

 

It most likely is done. If you do not know who to contact, I would start with the funeral home...they would most likely know the contact and their phone number...I never read the autospy on my son, but cause of death was listed on the death certificate. I asked my family doctor to briefly explain what the terms meant. I guess it was enough for me.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I, too, want to echo Shannon's thoughts of care...Wade, thinking of you and your family today...sending prayers...just wanted you and Renea to know you are prayed for...take care of yourself...