Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 29, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2014 Shannon...what an 'imp' your Trista girl is....that sense of humor will win hearts anytime....and yes....those tiny hands that hug...those eyes that light up...that carefree spirit in all children seems to pull the sadness from every pore...and heals from the inside out... the timing of his birth...the very miracle of him...seemed to stun the whole family...his birth gave us a real reason to be on our knees with gratitude and a reason to celebrate...after those dark desolate months...and all of us had that 'if only John David were here'.... I love the finger painting story...a memory maker for sure...and a story that will be told around the table for years... I, too, have very expensive paints and paint brushes...some of my paint brushes I have had since college...so..so expensive..(and that was when Mom and Dad were paying the bills)...I learned to take very good care of them... then when Austin was four...he came and spent a week with us....I set up his little table and Jeremy was going to paint with him while I did some chores...ran some errands...then we went swimming..had dinner...then movies...then bedtime....I went to clean up the painting table and discovered that either Jeremy or Austin had got my container of 'good brushes' from my art cabinet...when you paint with oils..it is very forgiving for they stay wet for so long...not so with acrylics....it took me many hours of soaking and cleaning to restore them....but...I got some good 'kid art'.... I think I was following my 'soul instinct'....not to plan a big get together....I do need 'restoration' time...which is healing time.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Hi All,welcome back Susannah. What a busy day. I went to the hospital this afternoon to spend the day with my niece. She is amazing really. Up and walking with the physical therapist, taking cat naps and waking with a chipper mood. She was feeling horribly and nauseous this morning but I asked them to give her some more anti-nausea meds and that seemed to help a lot. She hardly pushed the morphine button in the 4 hours I was there. There will be many restrictions in her life, especially the first 6 months after surgery. God bless her spirit. Thanks Everyone for the prayers and good energy sent her way.When I got home from the city, I quick ate some dinner and went to a little fund raising event for a young man, Joel, whose home burnt down. He lives in Kalamazoo and was the boy whose car ERica's car hit after the train hit her. He and Matt, his buddy, were the first responders to ERi, and stayed with her knowing that they could not touch her but staying at the hospital with all night in order to meet us to tell us that her car was filled with light. That they would never take anything for granted again...Sweet and wonderful Joel and Matt came to the hospital each day and I took them to meet her. They drove to Oak Park, Illinois for her wake and funeral. Wonderful young men. So one of Eri's friends that lives in Chicago received a text from Kalamazoo saying that Joel and his wife and little Daughter lost everything in a fire. Rachael then put out the word to all of us and started a collection of items and money and gift cards. So sweet. So now going to bed, babysitting all day tomorrow so I won't be here much on site. Just thinking of you all with love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Kate, the gardens are magnificent. We have a Botanical Garden in Niles Illinois, so gorgeous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Dee....so many new ones have not heard that story of the 'light'...and the fine young men that were with your girl.......it needs to be repeated....for many...like me....will hold that 'near and dear' to our hearts....I needed to hear that...happy to hear that the community is circling the wagons for him and his family.... I know you will be in your own little 'heaven'....spending the day with your Babydoll.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Dee....so many new ones have not heard that story of the 'light'...and the fine young men that were with your girl.......it needs to be repeated....for many...like me....will hold that 'near and dear' to our hearts....I needed to hear that...happy to hear that the community is circling the wagons for him and his family.... I know you will be in your own little 'heaven'....spending the day with your Babydoll.... Yes, that is a treasure that I picked up from this thread too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Dee, thanks again for sharing this uplifting reminder that we are truly not alone at the end. Many of us have had signs at some time or another during or after our loss that life does continue. Well, it is another wonderful summer day today. And it looks by all accounts as if it will continue right through our long weekend. This is our Islendingadagurinn...Icelandic Festival.... this coming weekend. Once again this lazy community will swarm with twenty thousand city folks up to take part in the celebrations. It is an action packed three days. Thinking of everyone today and hoping for peace in your day. Love to all, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted July 30, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Yes, that is a treasure that I picked up from this thread too... For me too. The story of Erica's light is a treasure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted July 30, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Karen, I was also way to demanding on myself in the beginning. I had my Boys and felt I needed to push a head and get back to a routine. I had no one to let me know that everything and anything that I felt I needed was okay, until I came here. I received so much support and everyone let me know it was ok to do this in my own way and in my own time and I needed that. Not knowing anyone who had ever lost a Child, I didn't know what was 'ok' or 'normal'. I have days that it's best for me to keep busy, start a project, whatever. I also have days that getting dressed is too much and whatever I get done is enough. You are right to just go with your emotions and let your broken heart tell you what you need. Just this day, this hour, or this minute. How exciting that your husband will be on television! Susannah, Thank you for sharing more about your family with us. Thank you for letting us know that laughter does creep back into our lives again. Dee, I hope you have an awesome day with your little Sweetie today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Susannah Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Dee, I remember you sharing about the boys not leaving Erica's side and that they saw a light fill the vehicle. Very powerful! Praying for your niece. Karen, I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Michelle! You are so very new to this journey. How I remember those days of trying to find my footing, looking for signs from my daughter while filled with the overwhelming, cutting, burning, pain of grief. I kept hoping to find the "old me" in there, somewhere. The best advice I received came from my sister who, at 20 years old, buried her husband and 2 year old son, who died in a drowning accident, as she stood on the shore, screaming, holding their newborn son. 18 years later, she would also bury that son when he successfully took his own life. When my daughter died, she told me, "Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. Whatever you have to do to survive is the right thing.". Because I belong to other grief support groups, now, I don't intend on becoming active in this one, again. It is nice to know that my Stephanie's face once again resides among our children. The person I was before she died, the person I became in the despair of grief, and the person I am now are three different women. I miss the me that I was before she died....I was much more organized, and 40 lbs thinner.....but, I like the me I am now much more. There are still bumps along the way, of course, but I am no longer afraid of them. I wish you all peace as you struggle to find a way to live without your child(ren). May you feel their presence around you! SusannahForever Stephanie's mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Susannah....I have said many times....'I miss Me'....and I am still evolving...Dee says 'we must change to make room for the loss'... Lora....I do love to read your posts....and I have always thought of myself as a 'workaholic'....but....I have to bow before you...you work more than I do....so....with that said....'when and if' you can rest....I would rather you get your rest than post...we are still here....did they re-schedule your brother's surgery ? What kind of surgery is it ? Not only do you have two jobs...but...we know you have your parents....your brother and family....and your neighbor....that are under your wings...yes....I said 'wings'.....for you are an 'Earth Angel'.... and....you...like us....have that exhausting grief...some days I carry mine good...other days it is so heavy I have to drag it around....too much to carry in my arms and heart...please...'self care'....in all your caring... I see so much of 'Cara' in you and all that you do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Dee-----So glad to hear that your dear niece, Laura, is coming along wellafter her surgery. Sending prayers for that compassionate young man, Joel,who stayed with ERi. So sorry about the fire. Kate----You said...."the loss is and always will be my biggest regret". Thatexpresses the feelings of everyone who has lost their child(ren). I , so,relate to your saying that the four of you were like a team.....Musketeers.We were the same in our family. Thanks for the lovely pics of the EnglishGardens. So serene and beautiful.' Susan-----I believe that all of us, who are in grief over the loss of our childrencan be plagued with the 'if only's". As you say....and I agree....we have to knowthat we do not have the power to control so many things. Of course we stillwould give anything to turn back the clock, but sadly we can't, and must go onliving....as difficult as it is. Peace to you, my friend. Susannah----Glad to see your post. Also, glad to hear that your grandies areall coming along so well. Wishing you peace. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Shannon, Susannah, and Lora: For some reason, I must have thought that by staying very busy, keeping things inside, and doing what the "old me" used to do,it would help me along this road. None of that worked. First of all, there is a "new me" now. I'm not sure what that is entirely yet, but I know I'm not the same. Second, I was piling on the chores like no tomorrow and wearing myself down. Third, I was keeping my sadness inside to the point where I thought I was having a heart attack! This morning, I sat in the bathroom and cried and shook for a long, long, time. I just couldn't stop. There is no reason for me to bottle things up like that anymore and the things that may have worked for me in the past, probably won't work now. Not for this painful journey. Thank you all for helping me see that, in your kind, gentle way. 3 weeks ago today, at 6:06pm, I got a phone call that changed my life forever. Heaven got a new Angel: my Michelle. Her friend of many years, Mariesta, posted on her FB page this morning, that she was trying to text her about a new song she heard on the radio, and it took her a minute to realize the awful truth. I went to Matiesta's page to look for pictures of Michelle and I saw the newspaper article saying "the 2 people killed on a motorcylce in Dekalb County have been identified". It was the first time I had seen this. There was a picture of the semi at the scene, and a clean-up crew. I don't know how long I stared at it before I actually read the article. It said the driver, Michael Wilson, failed to negotiate a curve, lost control, went across a field, up an embankment, and became airborn before they hit the truck. They were pronounced dead at the scene. I think I went into shock again. In the comments section, someone said that Michael Wilson was very proud of his new bike and that it was very fast. I found his FB page still up, with a big picture of the bike. I sat staring at it for a long time, then sent it to my son who said it was a "made for speed" bike; not meant for passengers. Michelle was never afraid of anything. From there, I went to her online obituary and went through the guest book. After about 2 hours, I couldn't bring myself to assemble the memory cards. Chris sent me a message last night, (Michelle's husband), and said that he will be coming to Texas next month to visit me and Michael. That will be nice. I'm glad that he and Michael are friends. Achim had a great time filming at the candy store this afternoon. He got me an autograph of Chef Jeff Mauro of the Food Network. Still don't know when the show will air. Dee: I would love to know about the "light" story if you're up to sharing it again. I would love an inspirational story. I think I'll try to read some fiction tonight; something lighthearted, and hope I'm able to sleep. 4 hours seems to be the "norm". Wishing all of you a nice night and pleasant dreams. PEACE and LOVE,Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 30, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2014 Karen, yes I remember reading some articles about my son (some of the information was incorrect in my son's case)....however, it can result in an overload of information...some I did need to know but it can throw your body into even more shock...we had hired a private reconstructionist in our case...because there were too many unknowns...it helped to establish the true happenings of that day and for us, it was needed...take care of yourself as the initial layer of shock is probably going away.... Kate, I thought of you this morning as I received this article from Guideposts this morning. The author, Wanda, had a wonderful dog that had reached the end of its days. It really touched me in a special way. I had to put down Jesse's cat a few months after he died...I felt like I was sending her back to him... here is the link if you are interested...http://www.guideposts.org/inspiration/inspirational-stories/pet-stories/buddys-welcome-home Sherry, good to see your posts, are any of the field crops ready to harvest yet? or is it too soon... Dee, sending prayers for your niece's recovery...and for the young man, Joel, who lost his home...Benton should be back here soon, it is very quiet without an 18 month in the house... Lora, I hope that your brother can do without the operation for now...and that it is not a major setback...are your mom and dad moved in with you yet? Shannon, "Not knowing anyone who had ever lost a Child, I didn't know what was 'ok' or 'normal'. I have days that it's best for me to keep busy, start a project, whatever. I also have days that getting dressed is too much and whatever I get done is enough." I agree, somedays if we just get done the bare basics that is all we need to do... Wishing everyone a peaceful evening... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 I do believe that God works through us in his own way. Laurie...today we picked up our Annie's ashes. Your message was perfectly timed. My heart is aching for the loss of my faithful and supportive friend. It did my heart good to read your post. Thank you for thinking of us. I also believe that she is at peace with Jeff where she is no longer crippled by her old age and blindness. Running like the wind and catching sticks from her best Bud...my boy. Fourteen years of unconditional love and being a huge part of this family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Hi Everyone, hope today was a good day. I had a blast with my Grandgirl, but wiped out. I actually took two short naps today while she napped. I think it was due to very poor sleep last night. So busy all day with my Sweetie and now must get to bed as I have two workshops tomorrow and Friday. They start at 8:30 and it will take about 30 or 40 minutes to get there. The school district paid for some of us to attend and then to disseminate the information back to our schools come the season. So they are both about writing with children, a subject close and dear to my heart. Be well All, I will retell my light story tomorrow evening if I am able. I am very glad that the light of ERICA has served as inspiration. My niece was in a lot of discomfort today but she knows that it will not always be with her and is toughing it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted July 31, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Lora, Moving somewhere warm is something I think about a lot. I always say as soon as Zak heads to college. He would never leave here. In fact he says if I move he wants to take over the house and stay here. He is a creature of habit. He wouldn't mind living in our house forever but he doesn't want to live with Mom forever so I would have to move. I love the idea of having chocolate covered bacon for Cara. I do that sometimes for Trista. When I go to Taco Bell occasionally, I will order a Dorito's Locos Taco (beans-no meat) and a Baja Blast. Not my typical order but it was what she always got. Dee, I'm glad you had a good day with little Erica. I hope your workshops today are good. Sherry, Davey and Lisa's garden sound so pretty. My sister and I were talking the other day about how much we liked gardens that had more of a 'wild and natural' look. I've tried to plant things in Trista's that will spread and sort of do their own thing year after year. Today is the anniversary of my first husband, Terry's passing. My Zak and I will have a candle burning all day to represent his Dad's light that still shines in our hearts. Yesterday I did something odd for me these days. While at the store I bought some hair color and new eye shadow. For over a year, since my Trista left, I have worn my hair in a bun, little or no makeup, and dressed in whatever was most comfortable or convenient. I've always been a little more on the 'natural' side when it comes to appearance but did at least wear some makeup and occasionally trim and color my hair. I don't know why but I felt Tris pushing me a little to do something for me. I remember one time she urged me to visit an actual salon instead of coloring and trimming my hair myself. We made an appointment with Andrea, the girl who did Trista's hair. I think she was more excited about it than I was. After Andrea finished, Tris looked and me and said, "Wow! You look like a real person!" Then she backpedaled, and said, "I mean, like, a real person who is not my Mom." I came home from the store yesterday and colored and trimmed my hair which is now to the middle of my back. I curled it a little and put some make up on. I wasn't going anywhere. That wasn't the point. When I looked in the mirror afterward, I could almost hear Trista's voice saying, "Wow, Mom! You look like a real person!" Still a shadow of who I was, still struggling to discover who I'm becoming. I still see my own haunted eyes. They still appear a bit sunken to me due to all the weight loss. But it was a start. It was something and I think my Tris would be proud of me for taking even a small step back into life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Dee....love your 'cat naps'......when I would have the GRANDchildren....they would have to have a nap...(or become so fretful and whiny by 5).....the routine stayed the same with ALL of them.....I have what I call a 'magic blanket'....and long as they believed it that is all was needed....and then....I would let them pick out two books to read....then we would close our eyes and I would sing..'You Are My Sunshine'.....voila.....they would sleep.... later I would tell my friends...I don't know who needed the rest more...me or the kids....I am blessed....I had such a magical relationship with my GRANDparents....and I have a magical relationship with my GRANDchildren.... I am so happy you have that Babydoll close by.....and soon....you will have another....love expands and grows... Karen....please let us know when the show will be aired.....I think it was 'last week'....my husband was watching TV...I passed by the living area...and they were explaining how they made chocolate covered bacon.....could that have been your husband.? I did not sit to watch....just heard a small part of the show.... Also.....please do not try to fit yourself into any kind of regulated...organized....routine or schedule....for now.....just go with your instincts...remember....you have enough love for your child to go to the moon and back in a rocking chair....and if you want to sit on the couch all day in your panties...do it..... This is a time to realize how shattered your heart REALLY is....and so your day to day life is shattered also....and many of us tried so hard to collect all those loose strings and tie them together in a neat little frame....we so wanted to be like it use to be.....and we so wanted US to be like we use to be....but as Dee says....'We must change to make room for the loss'.... Do not expect too much from yourself now....there are no rewards or prizes for being 'strong'.....or for 'pulling yourself up by the bootstraps'.....or for 'not crying'.....or for 'not being in deep grief'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Shannon----Thanks for your kind words. Yes...it's amazing how a wild garden justseems to 'evolve' on its own...in its own time, and in a most delightful way....pleasingto the eye and heart. Sometimes we will find something there in Davey & Lisa's gardenthat was not there the past season, and marvel at how it got there, and how pretty itlooks. Sorry for you and Zak as you observe Terry's angel day. Your orders at theTaco Bell sounds tempting & delicious. I'm afraid that when I go to Taco Bell, once in awhile,that I must stick to the more bland fare, due to digestion. Laurie----Our neighbors just finished combining their wheat field, and baled thestraw left by the combine. I love seeing the different stages of farming/harvestinghere. In May and June, all the farms were baling hay, or putting it in silos for thewinter feeding. In summer, most of the dairy farmers put the cows out to pastureto graze. Some very picturesque scenes with red barns, blue skies, green pastures,and black & white cows dotting the landscape. Dee----I hope that the writing workshop is a good experience. I know that you loveto have children write their thoughts & feelings. I think that this a very helpful andbeneficial exercise for children to express themselves. My daughter alwaysloved the elementary teachers who encouraged students to write. Karen----I agree.....the 'new me' side of grieving parents must take over, since we'rejust not the same as before our dear children left this world too soon. Seeing thenews in the friend's FB page makes it all to agonizingly real for you. It is so very recent.I, too, went through a similar thing when the area newspaper had a full front-pagephoto and description of the override crash that killed my son, Dave. I had also, later on,received a pack of photos from the State Highway Patrol of the crash......very graphicpics. To this day, no one has ever seen these photos...not even my husband. Don'treally know why I received them....maybe it was protocol for the police...I don't know.I'm glad that you are trying to take better care of yourself, and slowing down a bit.Sometimes a heart wrenching cry can help relieve some of the pain that you feel.I guess we all will try to somehow 'stave off' feelings for awhile by keeping busy etc.but the feelings win out, and we shed those bitter tears. So glad you are coming to this site. Hang on, Karen...... Peace to you, friend. Susan----Thanks for posting the writings. I especially like the words of the one with the daisy,and the 'floating' one. So true. Prayers for all INDIGOS who are so new to this rough journey. PEACE TO ALL. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 My daughter, Becky, and the two grandies (boys 7 & 9) stopped over yesterday, aftergoing to the orthopedic DR. visit for Canyon...the 9 yr. old.......He has abroken collar bone....from a playground accident. He has a supportiveharness-type thing on to keep the bone in better alignment. Of coursethere was a lengthy wait in the DR's office, so by the time they got here,they were all hungry. We ordered pizza, and garlic-parmesan wings from Pizza Hut. Then to top it all off, the boys enjoyed strawberry ice cream comes, andcookies. ! No more sports participation for Canyon this season....andhe's the one who loves playing baseball & other sports. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 Shannon....you and others on this site has 'inspired' me to do more in my yard and garden....both Grandmother's had amazing gardens....Grama Eldridge had a more 'English' garden....and Essie had flowers 'just everywhere'.... Where would you move to 'warmer'...? I think you must have been getting some 'vibrations' from your girl....subtle..quiet whisperings...little nudges...random thoughts....for you to do something for yourself....I call it 'being your own Best Friend'....and boy....have you been spread thin for and with others... and I was taught by my Southern family of women....to ALWAYS...fix your hair and put on a 'little' make-up EACH morning..I am more a natural, too.....so I don't put on a lot...I was taught that, you (a woman), will do something for herself in the morning...and that it is important....and that is what I taught my daughter and GRANDdaughter....we pass that info down.Even after I lost John David I still would do that....even though the tears would all wash it away in 10 minutes...it is now a habit that is etched on me. It is a good thing....a wonderful thing to do something for yourself...that means you value yourself...you respect yourself...you are the Queen of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4435607025711 Baby ducks at one week old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 31, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2014 duplicate post, sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Sherry, the area that you live sounds just lovely. It must be such a treat to see the ways that the fields change with each passing day. Ouch, poor little guy. Hope his injury heals soon! Susan, yes, we are the master of our own destiny to a point. I do like the new me to a point, but I also liked the old me. I miss some of the familiar ways that felt comfortable. Changes made it necessary to make a fresh start. I headed into this new life change kicking and screaming. Why change if you are happy? And I was! But death came suddenly and unexpectedly into my life and I was catapulted into making a new life. No wonder people are afraid. Nobody wants to have to go through this. It scares them. Becky, the baby ducks are adorable! Thanks for sharing. The water looks so inviting. No wonder they enjoy a cool and refreshing dip to cool off. Hope you are keeping well. Lora, thank you for thinking of me. It is going to take a little while to adjust to life without our "pal". We are past the point of having another dog. I hope that after we adjust to all of this we will be able to enjoy some time for ourselves. It has been an intense five years. Shannon, thinking of you as Terry's date approaches. Karen, my son is also a bit of a "chef". Please let us know when we can watch this program on TV if you can. Dee, glad your day with your special little sweetie was fun. Hope the meeting today went well. Thinking of everyone this evening. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Shannon....I was going to post more but the phone rang...etc..... I hope you and Zak can find some comfort in this day....and yes...it will be the 'two' of you that will remember...I was thinking about our children....that they did not leave much of a footprint on the world....just in our hearts...and that is enough. I was thinking of my Grampa one day...and I thought how Margaret Mitchell named her novel..'Gone With the Wind'...and then I understood....all my Grampa worked for...all that he did....all he and Grama saved and accumulated all that land...his biggest pride and joy was he supplied the Army during WW11 with beef for the troops....he had a vast ranch and a huge herd...and he was close enough to the Port of Houston to get the beef there... then...when he died......(my Grama left me her vote in the Estate when she died)...but....my aunts and uncles wanted to sell the land....and it went in one sale after another....my Mom would vote with me....but we were out-voted....and then there was only one little plot...and it is still in the estate.... and the rest is gone....I tried to hold off the sale of the land where we would pick pecans....but the buyer offered a lot of $$$...and they could not resist....there was a lot of 'bad blood' for a long time...til my Daddy told me not to carry it forward...to just let it go....I was not sad when my aunts and uncles all tip-toed through all that money....and they all ended up right where they began... Zak will need you to remember with him....and honor his Dad...I know with Trista's grief...and your husband in the hospital this is another layer for you to deal with....please 'self care'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Sherry, sorry that Canyon broke his collarbone. OW! Hard on any kiddo but one who spends his time in sports is extra put out. Theyknew that they would have a wonderful ice cream treat with you. Shannon, blessings for the Man who is Trista and Zack's Daddy. May his spirit always join with yours and Zack's to let you know that he is there. Susan, yes, Gone With The Wind and later the song Dust in the Wind, all we are is dust in the wind...poignant titles and concepts to be sure. another day of workshops and then babysitting, tomorrow I will catch up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted August 1, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Susan, Thank you for all you shared yesterday and your words of encouragement.Yesterday was a teary, high anxiety day. Lots of emotions surfacing. It's been nine years since I lost both my husband and my Grandpa, who was a father to me. Sometimes I feel like these dates hit me with a triple whammy. When I lost my Grandpa nine years ago in March, I hardly had time to grieve for him before my husband passed just four months later. My whole world fell apart. I went a little 'crazy' I guess. It was like I became this whirlwind. The kids and I traveled all over when they weren't in school... Boston, NYC, Chicago, The mountains of Tennessee, Virginia, New Jersey, finally landing in a renovated barn in PA. When I returned I just pushed forward, rented out my family home and started over. Now, nine years later I have done the unthinkable, buried my sweet Trista. I don't know if it makes any sense but now it's as if in this loss, of my beautiful Girl, every other loss, hurt, and wound has been exposed. I'm grieving now, the ultimate loss of my precious Daughter, and on the edges of that intense grief, nine years later, I'm finally grieving the loss of my Grandfather, my Husband, my Parents to alcohol, drugs, and mental illness, the loss of my childhood at such a young age... of innocence, of what could have been, who I was before. All those old wounds that I've simply bandaged over have now been exposed. In the tearing away of the bandages, I know they can finally, really heal but at times the onslaught of all these things feels like an attack on my soul and becomes so overwhelming. I feel like the mythological Phoenix. I have yet to rise out of the ashes though. I'm still in the process of burning away the old me. Zak and I set up a memorial space for his Dad yesterday and kept a candle burning all day. We looked through pictures and made sure to call Terry's Mom and let her know she was in our hearts even though we couldn't be with her. It was an especially hard year for her this year too and she said she feels a double loss as well now on each of these dates. She lost her only Son at 34 years of age. He did leave her four beautiful Grandchildren but now she's lost our Trista too. Yesterday, was one of those days that became very overwhelming. I've had a lot going on and very little down time. My husband is home now. He has permanent nerve damage. We will see a nerve specialist next month. The neurologist said that he's very lucky to have the numbness right now because if it weren't for that the damage would be causing excruciating pain probably to the point of being unable to walk. The nerve specialist will decide what to do and if the nerves can be repaired. If the numbness begins to wear off before that he may be wheel chair bound at least for awhile. It's going to be a long road to recovery for him. I'm too tired right now to really process all that this means for the family. One step at a time. On top of it all I fell down our deck steps yesterday and did a number on my back. I think I'm just bruised but yesterday was a day that I really just wanted to go back to bed. Today is a new day. The sun is shining and the hummingbirds have been visiting the feeder outside my kitchen window. These cooler temps make it a perfect day for Aiden and I to spend some time outdoors. We have been planning to build a fairy house in Trista's garden. It may be a perfect day to do that. Sorry for rambling on today. It's just how my mind is working right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 duplicate, sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 I may have personally shared this story with some of you before, but for those that haven’t heard my story that causes me to feel a kinship and protectiveness over the wild baby ducks in my backyard… in the summer of 2011, before the crash that took our youngest child, Jared, from us, I had driven Jared to one of his friends home off of Line Rd. east of Delmar, and when I went later that day to pick him up to bring him back home, we were driving along, headed west on 54, about a mile from Rt. 54 and Rt. 13 intersection, when I noticed a family of ducks, getting ready to cross the road from the north edge to the south edge in front of us, and I hit the brakes and slowed before they started across, at the same time flashing my lights at traffic headed eastbound on Rt. 54 (Line Rd., and beeping my horn. There was a car headed for them, which totally ignored my lights and horn and plowed right through, killing all five of the baby ducks, narrowly missing the adult ducks. It was sickening, and Jared cried out”OMG, why would anyone do that?? They killed those poor innocent baby ducks”! When I say “cried out”, he literally did, as we both were crying at this horrible sight and senseless loss of life. I remember telling him that not everybody in this world is caring, and that I was so sorry that had happened and that he had to witness it. Jared was 15, and may have tried to come across as a tough guy to some, but we knew him, and he had a heart of gold. When Jared was killed, trying to skate towards home and safety, only ¼ mile from our driveway, hit from behind, we began finding ways to honor his memory, and placed several signs on our roadway in an attempt to slow people down on this road, thereby preventing this type of tragedy or at least increasing the hope of survival if such an occurence were to happen again. At the time in 2013 when I constructed a 4X4 foot billboard at each end of our neighborhood, I was choosing the paint colors I would use, and saw a yellow that I thought would be noticeable and serve as a beacon to travelers here, and it was called “soft duckling”. Immediately I thought of the day we observed the callous disregard for those babies on the roadway, and knew that was the color of yellow I would use. So when this duck famly was created in my yard, I felt the need to do all I could to protect them, just one more way to honor my son’s memory. That first day the mama brought them to the pool, I cried watching them, as I felt Jared was watching and he would be so happy they were here. Days following, we all said as we watched them swim and play, that Jared, if he were here, would be right in there with them, trying to befriend them, and that thought made us smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted August 1, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Becky, That is a truly sad and beautiful story. I am inspired at the ways you have fought to help ensure no other family endures this pain. I'm sorry that you and Jared witnessed something so awful but I'm so glad for the gift of new life in your yard it is very symbolic for you and Jared. I know your beautiful Boy is smiling on you. I think I will always see Jared now whenever I see a duckling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Becky---there is no doubt in my mind that JD "sent" you those ducklings. Wow! What a wonderful sign. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Becky.....I do believe our children can and does use Mother Nature to touch us.... Shannon....you have so many issues...hardship...heartache...heartsick...and that dark grief ...and they all come from a different direction....and I do hope you and Aiden can create something for the fairies....and you and Zak can create something for Terry...I think we do find a way to heal in the ways we find to honor our loved ones...more later....Carpe Diem..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 1, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2014 Kate, I am glad the story touched you as well about the dog...one of God's special creatures...my dogs have seen me at my absolute lowest points in life...and they are always there giving that unconditional love. Have you been able to do anything to Jeff's site yet? It must be a little more dry up there than it was... Lora, " I still look at Cara's pictures or her headstone and it still feels like a dream to me somedays. I live in my own litte world trying to figure out where I belong in this world without Cara by my side." I feel that so much today and this week Lora. I think of all the plans I had with Jesse, how we were going to rebuild the project home he had bought, and convert it to a small farm with livestock...all those dreams just gone, over. Lately I have been having some horrible nightmares again so I am sleeping in the living room. I will write more later...want to respond to more posts...have my grandson here and he is very active right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Hello, everyone. So glad this day is almost over. I did laundry today, which is really no big deal; except today it was a monumental chore! I put it off as long as I could but Michael will be here tomorrow and I wanted him to have fresh linens. If there was a bright spot this week, it would definitely be Michael's visit. Bless his heart! He's having such a hard time. I found a support group for him. It's the International Twinless Twins Organization. I think it will be good for him. Becky: thank you so much for sharing your duckling story. So inspirational! I hope some day I will receive a sign from my Michelle. I miss her something fierce! As soon as Brandon, the shop owner, calls with the show info, I'll be sure and pass it along and maybe y'all can watch the Food Network that night. I'm sure it will be a small bit. Exciting for Achim, nonetheless. I'm attaching a photo of Michael. It was just taken a few days ago, and really speaks a thousand words about his emotional state. He looks so lost. I'm praying for my baby boy. I'm going to lie down with a book and my heating pad for my back. Even if I don't sleep, I can relieve the pressure off my legs. Hope y'all have a restful night. DUPLICATE POST!PEACE and LOVE, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Hello, everyone. So glad this day is almost over. I did laundry today, which is really no big deal; except today it was a monumental chore! I put it off as long as I could but Michael will be here tomorrow and I wanted him to have fresh linens. If there was a bright spot this week, it would definitely be Michael's visit. Bless his heart! He's having such a hard time. I found a support group for him. It's the International Twinless Twins Organization. I think it will be good for him. Becky: thank you so much for sharing your duckling story. So inspirational! I hope some day I will receive a sign from my Michelle. I miss her something fierce! As soon as Brandon, the shop owner, calls with the show info, I'll be sure and pass it along and maybe y'all can watch the Food Network that night. I'm sure it will be a small bit. Exciting for Achim, nonetheless. I'm attaching a photo of Michael. It was just taken a few days ago, and really speaks a thousand words about his emotional state. He looks so lost. I'm praying for my baby boy. I'm going to lie down with a book and my heating pad for my back. Even if I don't sleep, I can relieve the pressure off my legs. Hope y'all have a restful night. PEACE and LOVE, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 This is for you, Laurie....I wonder about the dates....and how we are so intermingled....but then...I get so tired...and then I get so tangled up in all of it.... but this is for you... early...a day early....but I have to get ready and packed and all that goes in to going to Port 'A' for my John David.... I do know that John David and your Jesse David...were some kind of brothers on this earth home....so like so alike...anyway.... you and I have to go forward....I think it was Kate that said...I am not leaving you behind...I am taking you with me...I guess that will be our mantra going forward....peace to you...my friend Mama....for your boy....your beautiful...beloved boy...Jesse David... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 am sending this early...but I will be at Port 'A'....on August 3....we scattered and blessed his ashes..there...last year on the first Angelversary.... many will know what this means.....still...so...so hard....am keeping this very low key this year...have been so exhausted with grief...so will just take one cloud and one wave at a time.... but I do have family there.....just don't want you to think I am 'alone'...also....many friends...so grateful....they are showing up ...and I did not know til my daughter told me..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Jesse David- You left on this date and so your Momma and Family are made to page backward through your life to find the nuggets of gold left them in memory. Your sweet disposition, your dreams for the days ahead, your love of nature and adventure...All the things you ever were you will always be plus more, you will always be that Boy that put such a smile in your Momma's heart. Missing you is sometimes all that can be done in a day. Please let your Momma feel your presence, feel your peace, let her know that you are more than okay. Let her know how proud you are of her as she finds her way on this very tricky path. Jesse David, bless you on this day and each. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 JOHN DAVID---One day you left this place and all the world changed. Please be with your Momma and Family this weekend when they face the numbers on the calendar that counted another year. How does time do such a thing as pass when one is feeling so blue? John David, make sure that you breeze through each family member's day this weekend so that each one gathered will sense your being. Give your Momma a hug so that she knows that you are helping her along through the muck of this path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Happy Heavenly Birthday Jesse David!!Laurie, I hope you can feel the presence of your boy today. Thinking of you and your family. Love and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Jesse David, surround your family today with your loving presence. Thinking of you today Laurie, and knowing that the beautiful memories you hold so close to your heart will help to comfort you. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 ALL: Thank you for the kindness of remembering Jesse's Birthday. It is going to be a raw day...he would be 30 today. My husband and I plan on going out to the gravesite shortly... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10204437877332013&l=ff29d99d45 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10204437883412165&l=43afc0a71c Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Susan, I am thinking of you this Angelversary of your sweet John David... I had chose this picture because I love his smile... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted August 2, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Jesse David, I am saying your name today in honor of your Birthday. This is the day you changed your Mom's world, the day she first held you and looked into your eyes. You know how deep and strong her love for you is and yours for her. Wrap her in that love today and let her feel your Spirit close. You have touched many lives. Through your Mom I feel as if I know you and you have touched my heart deeply without ever having met you. Your presence here changed the world in more ways than we, still here, can even understand. Celebrate with the Angels today, Sweet Boy. Laurie, I hope the sweet memories of this day will sustain you and lift you. I also know how hard this day is. I am sending you love and prayers today. Hugs to you, my Dear Friend. I hope you feel the love of Jesse all around you. I think I used this picture before in something I made for you but this picture of the sky and mountains really touches my heart. It's a glimpse into the beauty of the world as seen through Jesse's eyes. I remember the first time my Gramma saw a picture of Jesse. I was showing her the video that Wade had made for us. Whenever a picture of Jesse came on she would remark about what a handsome young man he is. She said, "There is just something about that young Man. You can see it in his eyes." Someone shared this video with me the other day and I wanted to share it with you today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Jesse DavidWe say your name loud and clear. Happy Birthday to you. Wrap your wings around your family today.Colleen, Brian's. Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 2, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2014 Jesse DavidWe say your name loud and clear. Happy Birthday to you. Wrap your wings around your family today.Colleen, Brian's. Mom 4ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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