Members ericasmom Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 1970 in Paris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Carol, don't know if I ever commented on that great photo of Davis at the Ball field. Super Wonderful and great news though heart wrenching too, that he called you to say he would stay to get healthy. God Bless him and help him find a different way to live with purpose and goodness in each step. Gretchen where are you? Leah? Ted? Greg? Wade? Katiebug, how are you doing this weekend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Solar Flares and birds on the feeder Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Well....our internet has been down for 2 days....have much to tell.....they had Miss Pat's service....(if you can call it that).....yesterday...I am the only one who brought flowers...can you believe that ? read a few posts...will come back later....sigh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 uploaded this today, trying to get back to using my computer with my limited typing skills.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Glad that you are back online Susan. I am sorry that the memorial for your Golden Girl was less than what you had hoped. She knows of the love you have, it was always there for her while here. Becky, glad to see you here. I will watch the video in a moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Some may remember that last year I had a pair or wild mallards that nested in the flowerbed beside my pool, and something got all their eggs... well they came back this year and built a nest in a different spot, still in a flowerbed, so I built an enclosure all around to at least keep out my nosy dogs! Here are a few pics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 19, 2014 Dee.....did I miss photos of you and Lora....how was the meeting ? Becky....our Warrior Mom.....you even go out of your way to protect our feathered friends...you are stupendous... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 So dang cute Becky and they must feel very relaxed now with the protection. Great job. Yes Susan, I will see if I can repost but it is in yesterday's posts.[ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 well....this has been a week of being sandwiched in with many people....having been in a 'self imposed cocooning'...it has been daunting....and I have had to make doorways into my circle.... Just need to ask on this site....for this is something that has been 'brought' on the wave length of the ever going movie that goes on in the background of my thoughts.... It struck me this last week.....how I took everything for granted...how I thought everything that was 'ever' in my life would be ongoing... I spent all those years...days...weeks..minutes...like a drunk sailor.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 thanks Dee...makes my heart happy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Oh....I do see, too.....The Cara and the Eri Girl....in that Mama.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Becky, thank you for sharing your video. Beautifully done. Was the croc stuffed, or did he actually hold on to him? I have always been afraid of reptiles. It was clear that Jared was loved beyond words. I am so sorry abut the sign. I agree with Dee that you would most probably benefit from looking after your own health at this time. Susan, your sweet Golden Girl is now at peace. You could not have done more for her. Clearly she thought highly of you. I know that sometimes we think that someone deserves more for a funeral...but what really matters is how we interacted with the deceased. She is now fully aware of your genuine concern for her. Yes, we may do it differently... but in our hearts we are sending and surrounding her with all the beauty and loveliness of a perfect garden that is in full bloom. And this she knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Good evening to all. I finally got word that Michael is OK. I think he and Bonnie were in touch. I don't understand why he is keeping his distance from me. Chuck expressed to me that I'm not accomplishing anything by worrying--when did he get so smart? He also told me to just "live". I had to smile a little when he said that; my 36 yr. old son is grown up. Dee: my granddaughter in the picture with Michelle is her daughter, Maddy. She's 12 now. I got a few things done today and we went to the farmer's market this morning. I baked a foccacia, too--one of my passions is baking artisan breads. I find I'm spending a lot of time wondering if I'm falling into self-pity. I've been reading a lot about it and why it's so unhealthy. I actually don't mean to feel that way. I don't know how to do this--what's supposed to be the right or wrong way. I just can't see a "happy place" yet. I see a lot of darkness and sadness. I'll be going to church tomorrow and hope to talk with my pastor. He was kind enough to call me to see if I was OK. It's quite uplifting for me to be in church so I'm looking forward to it. I soaked in a hot bath with epsom salts and lavender essential oil. I'm usually not a bath person, but I'm trying to ward off the "no-sleep demon". I'm totally exhausted so I'm hoping for some kind of sleep. I intended on writing more tonight, but all of a sudden I'm at a loss for words. I hope all of you have a nice night. Much love and peace,Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Oh Karen, so glad that Michael is at his home, he is safe. Did your Grandgirl live with Michelle? How is she coping? As far as self pity, well I understand but when I look at your dates Karen, you just got here. Self-pity can be something we fall into but most of us feel such a depth of sadness that others may think it to be self-pity when really what it is is trying to understand and process somehow, the tragedy of our Loss. You will need time to do this as well, even though you are well aware of your loss, there is shock still wrapped around each of you in Michelle's circle, and each of you will shed that shock in increments. It came off in layers for me, around 3 months and then 5 months and on like that that first year. Each time I felt raw but also, further along in my grief. Susan, it is good that we went about like drunken sailors, for had we known more about what lay ahead, we would have put our kids in bubbles and never let them live...they all would have hated that. So I don't think you took it for granted either, it is simply life, and we go through the day hoping to get certain things accomplished and in that we expect our loved ones to be find. If we did not expect that, we sure would not have enjoyed any piece of it. Kate, is your weather lovely? Ours is though warming up in the next few days but a gentle lovely breeze all day long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Dee: Maddy was not living with Michelle at the time of her passing. I'll go into that soon. Michelle, as wonderful and gloriously caring as she was, led a troubled life these past few years; all the more reason for me to try and accept that she is at peace now and she would never want to see me feeling sad. Maddy seems to not really feel anything different. She was with Michelle every other weekend with her new husband, Chris. She has her own room there and everything she could want. I think her little heart and mind are still in shock and denial. I slept last night for the first time since July 9. I woke up one time and went right back to sleep. I am immensely grateful for that. I don't know how long the human body can tolerate lack of sleep before it manifests in some way. Gratitude is what's on my heart this morning; to have been blessed with such a beautiful life for as long as she was here on Earth. She was an amazing person with a heart as big as Texas, where she was born. I will have the first of 2 epidural injections on Tuesday. My hope is that they will reduce the pressure on the nerves going from my spine down into my right leg. Friday, I'll have an X-ray that will show stability in my lumbar spine. My Dr. prescribed a brace, which I wish I would have had a long time ago, but I'm grateful to be getting it now--or when my insurance co. approves it. That always takes time. I was hoping for some sunshine today, but it looks to be overcast again. Hot and muggy. Rain would be welcome, though, as we are still in dire need of it. I think I'll make my husband a fig cobbler today with the fresh figs we got from the farmer's market yesterday. The kitchen is my "get-away". I find it peaceful. Have a wonderful Sunday all of you. Thank you so much for helping me on this dark journey. I know I'm not alone. Peace and Love, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Karen,After losing a part of ourself, we cannot....just live.You are not having a pity party, you are grieving. I hope your family gives you the space to grieve, cry, scream, then sleep and do it all over again,The first year, when people would ask me how I am doing, my verbal response was "ok". The response in my mind was " I am standing upright and breathing"I am glad you are here and can share your girl with us.Hugs to youColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Lora,I agree. These people on this site are a part of my family.I talk to my family about the people on this site. It gives me courage when I know others have survived this type of loss.6 years, I have been on this site. Many have come and gone, but some have become VIPs in my life.Love to you allColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Thinking of you all today...been in a quiet way, just tired I guess... I read on the CF website last night, parents noted that grief is something we have to go through, and that grief will not necessarily go away but will become different as we travel on. Lora, it is good that you and Dee had such a nice visit and thank you for carrying Jesse in your thoughts... Gretchen, wondering how you are? Wishing everyone a peaceful and decent day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted July 20, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 deleted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Shannon, I will be praying...for strength and healing... Sending out hugs to you...is your Gramma there for you or your sister still? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Pat's son and wife left yesterday....am going through some things they left...one is a scrapebook...with old family photos and photos of Pat when she was younger...and in it was her baby book and her Mom described her birth and gifts...photos..etc. til she was 3 years old...how can they leave stuff like that to be thrown away....anyway...now I am going through trash sacks and boxes...to find anything personal or family value...maybe they just didn't have time to go through everything...I will box it up and mail to them... Oh Shannon...my heart did constrict when I read your post....we all wish we lived 'down the road' from you to give you support....but you do know we have you 'circled' on this site....let us hear.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 I was overwhelmed when I had to put my foot on this grief path....and realized the enormous amount of energy..stamina...courage and strength it took to walk it... and it amazes me of what grieving people have to endure from outside the grief path...and the burdens other people will put on those that are so shattered.... it separates the wheat from the shaft... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Oh Shannon, how worrisome.Oh my goodness how are you coping? Is sister there to help you out with the kids? Goodness knows, you have absorbed so many worries, I am praying that your Husband can get to good health again and that you are fine, you and your family. Deep prayers for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 At least I see remorse here, or maybe even prayers.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted July 20, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Thank you, Dee, Laurie, and Susan. Thankfully my Sister is here and she’s been a tremendous support. Not sure how I would be doing if she wasn’t here. I’m holding up. Just very very tired. I don’t know how much more I can do or handle. Maybe a stronger person could, but I’m so tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Shannon, I just walked in from a day in the city and read the recent posts. Not too sure what has happened, but I gather you have had another major setback. Oh my, I do wish we all lived closer to help out at times like this. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Sending prayers your way. Susan, yes this does indeed separate the wheat from the shaft. Unfortunately everyday life does not take a time out even when we have been knocked to our knees. I sometimes wonder if when we are at our lowest we are thrown more to see how much more we can take. Becky, that picture brings to me the thought of many years ago when I was a child. We had our milk delivered to our home in those days. The milkman was a familiar sight in the back lanes of our area. He was to me at the time old. But now I can see that he was just turning grey. Kids had developed a bad habit of grabbing on to the back bumper of the truck and going for a ride down the streets when it was icy. One young boy unfortunately fell under the truck and was dragged along for some time before he was made award of what had happened. The poor man was so overcome with grief that he took his life. Sometimes those that are caught in an accident are innocent and live with the guilt for the rest of their lives. Very difficult indeed. So sad. Well, I am almost ashamed to say that we had a very nice day. We got up later then usual and ate a leisurely breakfast. Then on a whim we decided to go into the city to do some shopping and grab a bite to eat. It was such a lovely drive into town. The sky was a perfect summer blue. The clouds looked as if they had been painted in long white strands. We stopped at a Market Garden to pick up some fresh peas and carrots that we hope to enjoy the next few nights. How I remember my mother and Gram sitting with a bowl on their laps shelling peas when I was a child. Those days when air-conditioning did not exist. They rose early in the morning to prepare potato salad, and bake fresh fruit pies. Or just a simple bowl of raspberries, strawberries, or saskatoons... that had been chilled and served with cream or vanilla ice cream. How refreshing it all was. The thought of cold cuts and salads along with watermelon always makes me think of hot summer days. Ross drove and I sat back happily gazing at the beautiful fields of yellow canola in bloom stretching as far as the eye could see. All the while listening to Mahler and then Vivaldi in the background. We topped off our day with a cold and icy chocolate milkshake! Not on my Curves plan. But what the heck. Gosh it tasted good. I thought of Annie many times and wondered what I could do to honor her memory. I think a weekly drop off at the local animal shelter for the other dogs is a good idea. Lora, I too think of you and am so pleased that you were able to meet with Dee for that visit. I hope that all is going well with your plans for the move. Karen, am so pleased that you had word of your son. I am sure you will be able to have another good sleep tonight knowing he is safe. Good luck with your tests. We will e sending you luck and prayers. Have a good evening everyone. Love, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 YIKES !! I'm so far behind...( as usual ) Oh well....no time like the present to try to catch up. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY,......DEAR LANE. Wanda----I'm sorry I missed Lane's birthday,and am thinking about you. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY , STEVE. MaryAnne----Sending thoughts & prayers. Karen---I'm glad that Michael is Ok. I'm also glad that you are being able to sleep better. Yes, Iagree----there are times when restful sleep will just not come, and one feels so tired anddragged out. I hope that you will continue to be able to sleep. Your bread-baking sounds sovery delicious. I haven't tried baking bread for a number of years. Do you use a bread machineor make it the regular way? Your lavender oil bath sounds heavenly. Kate-----Your idea of making drop-offs at the animal shelter is a good one. They always are in need of supplies. I take things to the cat shelter. They get so many unwanted cats, but theydo such a wonderful job of caring for the cats & finding homes for them. I'm sure you miss yourdear old dog. We have a brown wren that has made a home in the small decorative bird box that I have hanging outside the patio area. The other day, when it was softly raining, the bird wassitting on a sunflower stalk right under a large sunflower leaf......it was his umbrella. I watchedit from the kitchen window. It sat there for a minute, then went into the box. It sings and singsmost days. Becky----Good idea to put up a fence to protect the duck's nest from snoopy dogs. Thanks for the pics.Also.....thank you for posting the lovely video you made for Jared. So nice. Thanks. Susan---Glad that you are back online. It sure is frustrating when something goes wrong, and you're shut out. Laurie----We just let the birds have the sunflowers seeds. Fun to watch & see how many birds love the seeds. Shannon---Love the way you wrote about "tears". So very true......tears do become natural to thosewho have lost such a big part of their lives......losing a dear child. PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Cornfield.....OOps.....Will try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2014 Our cornfield. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Baby ducks hatching out today! So cute! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Sherry and Kate: Yes, I was relieved to find out Michael is OK. What concerns me is that none of the kids are really talking to me now. I don't understand. They aren't responding to my FB messages at all. Last night I woke up in a fit of some sort--flailing my arms at the air. It scared me. I slept for about 41/2 hours prior, so I did get some sleep. Baking bread is very therapeutic for me. I use a Kitchen-aid stand mixer but knead and shape by hand. Yesterday my oven went out--the heating element sizzled and crackled it's way to breaking in half just when I was putting in a fig cobbler for my husband. I hope to get maintenance here asap. Speaking of extra burdens, My brother's wife, Carol, is pressuring me to get off of my medication for neuropathy and go a more holistic and natural route. As good as that sounds, I can't just stop taking it without thorough discussions with my neurologist. I've felt I was doing the right things as far as that goes. I need to have a conversation with her about it. I know she has the best of intentions, but I don't want to feel another burden right now. My epidural injection is tomorrow morning. I've been waiting so long for this procedure, going through so much testing first to try and identify the root of the problem; I've done my research and my husband and I feel this is a good way to go. I never thought anything could be this difficult. I'm grateful I have "hands to hold" going down this dark road. Thank you all so much. Hoping everyone has a good start to the week. Peace and Love, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members briansdad Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Well guys, I had some minor surgery last Wednesday. All went well. I was a bit disappointed though.When they put you under you don't dream.....bummer. I could use a good Brian dream about now.I have to give all you ladies who delivered cesarean section atta girls. I have a new appreciation for the toughness of the female.When they cut you in the abdomen ..... OWWWWWW. Take care guys,Greg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Hi All--Reading a great book on sudden death of a loved one, that was sent to me by a friend, whose friend recommended it, having lost her child. It is called, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye", by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair Ph.D. The first chapter seems to be aimed at people who deal with us, but the other chapters make you realize you are not crazy, useless, or lazy. I couldn't read anything of depth the first few months, but I picked this up and it is an easy read and so relatable. Haven't FINISHED it yet, but the chapters I've read have been very good at making me realize I need to be kinder to myself and not expect to "get back to normal". I knew some of this, as this is our 2nd child who died, but the first was in hospice and we had all the answers. The shock of our youngest dying has put me in a place I never thought I could get to. JD's mom--the duckings are so cute. There were a pair of ducks that used to nest in the courtyard of our elementary school. When their ducklings were ready to go to the water, all the children lined up agains the wall, VERY quietly as the teacher led the mother duck and her babies out of the school and down to the lake (they had to cross a road). It was so cute and a great lesson for the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Shannon....am so glad your sister is still there....and you have that layer of support....we know your Grama has her injury...wondering if she is still there... I don't think 'strong or weak' has any room for definition in this situation....and....of course you are so...so...so tired....grief by itself is exhausting...please 'self care'...put yourself in the No. 1 spot....be selfish...be self centered...and disciplined..for your physical and mental stability....it is that important...and we are all thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Kalik....that is one thing I so need on this site....is the info we trade with each other...to help us on this grief journey...it is impossible to gather all the info...books...movies....and when we share....it is like having a living library...thank you... Karen....I do hope your procedure goes in a very positive shift for your health issues....one of my son's is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon....and he would be the first to speak up and for 'natural' healing....but....there is a time and place for that....maybe later when your big issues have been resolved...for now....you are shattered with grief...and trying to replace all things that are in place...maybe daunting...just take it one day at a time... Lora...you so needed that vacation with your SONshine boy....gee...he is so handsome...and so happy to have his Mom there with him....and you and Dee got to have our 'Mama Reunion'....to give each other a hug...I know 'the girls' were shining through... Becky....love your 'duckies'.... Kate...it is about time you and Ross got to enjoy some 'good' weather...makes my heart smile... Dee....how is the ankle today....? Hope you get your package...will check on the delivery status... I am 'ok'....never thought I would be this emotional about one of my Golden Girls..but I think it has more to do with the situation than her passing.....I guess I see where John David got his 'sentimentality'....you think? Debbie....let us hear from you...Laurie....has anything settled down for you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Susan-----I think that we would all agree that this grief road is exhausting.I guess that's why it's good to just take it a day at a time......looking outtoo far ahead is too upsetting...even scary. Many baby steps on this journey. Greg----Wishing you a speedy recovery. Take it easy. Lora----Thanks. Yes, we do live in the country. We have farms all around.....pretty rural. One farm nearby has a dairy herd of about 200 cows. Tractorsand farm implements going up & down our road all the time. Karen----Oh, how maddening.....to have your oven break, just when you weregetting ready to put in a cobbler. I hope that it can be fixed soon. Also, wishingyou luck with the procedure. I don't really know too much about 'holistic' healing.While in our family, we've always used lots of home remedies, I think that whenthe condition is more serious, it calls for further examination as you are doing. Becky-----Oh how very cute those little duckies are. So good of you to protectthe eggs until they hatched. You're a good nature mama's helper ! PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2014 Susan, things are quieter for now...my daughter and I went to my SIL's to visit -- just to get out of the area...thank you for asking. Lora, did the sale of your parents house and yours get finalized? I believe that sometimes people will just withdraw to themselves for a time...sometimes in my home we were like ships passing each other in the night, each keeping the thoughts and emotions close, so much to process. When one feels like one's sanity is in question, there was not the ability to reach out mentally. I was shattered. And that raw emotion still cycles around and hits me full at times...though not as often. However, the other day when I was at Walmart and I saw a young man that looked so much like Jesse, it was like someone hit me in the gut with a bat. Got out of there as fast as I could. Kali, it looks like that book has some very good reviews. It is good you are finding some help in the pages written. Gregg, good to see your post. Hopefully your recovery time will be short. If they cut across the muscles it is much longer. Wishing all a peaceful day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4403156894478&set=vb.1755288865&type=2&theater If you have facebook, you should be able to watch my baby ducks take their first swim IN OUR POOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Good morning everyone. I'm up very early, but that's no surprise.At least I can get in 1 cup of coffee before I have to fast for my procedure this morning. Thank you for all the "well wishes" on that. My husband's dear friend, Ann, was supposed to be designing the "memory" cards; she said it would be her way of showing her sympathy as she was at a loss for words and couldn't speak to me on the phone. As of yesterday we had yet to hear from her so Achim called and she said she dropped the project because she was so busy. I understand how someone could get busy and put something like this on a "back burner" but I just wish she would have let us know so Achim could have been working on it. Disappointed. So last night we worked on that until it was finished and ordered. Feeling "washed-out" and drained and like I'm going crazy; nuts. I can't seem to keep on a train of thought for any length of time, unless I'm following a recipe and even then, it's difficult. Confused, exhausted, in a "brain fog" most of the time. I'm putting on a front when I talk to people. I thought I was stuck in an angry state yesterday; agitated, unable to cry. Then this morning, while looking at Michelle's picture and trying to talk to her, I wept uncontrollably. Such a roller coaster of emotion, this journey. My church has a group called "grief-share". I just discovered it yesterday so I e-mailed for meeting times, etc. It might be something worthwhile. I'm officially fasting now, but sure could use another cup of coffee. My appt. isn't till 10:15am so it's a long time to not have anything to eat or drink. I'm so glad I found this forum. All of you have been so kind and helpful. I'm not journaling yet; I'm not even sure that I will ever be; for now, this place is where I come to get things out. I'm so very grateful to all of you. Hoping you all have a "sunny" day today. Peace and Love, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sailormom Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Karen,Good Luck on your procedure. JD's MomThe ducks are adorable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Karen....when I 'found' this site....I discovered ...I wasn't going crazy...I was simply in mourning...deep..dark..mourning.. it is best not to try and over think 'ANYTHING' at this pointyou will find yourself second guessing everything...and that is normal... sleep issues are normal...I could go to bed and go to sleep...(I was beyond exhausted)...and then would wake up at 1-2-3 in the morning...and stay awake...and I knew if I took a nap...I would be up til 3...so I would Zombie Walk through the day..which was fine...for I was so empty and shattered...with the help of many that have been on this site for years....they threw out a life raft when my human boat was going down for the last time....they kept me above the water til I could tread on my own...treading water is a good way to define me now... am sorry your friend dropped out on what she said she would do...you just may find 'some people in your circle' just cannot handle death and grief...and the wall of truth in loss of a child...is more than they can face.......when that happens...please just know they are simply ignorant...and they cannot walk in your shoes..I have discovered only parents that have lost a child can really know what this grief journey is about. we will keep you in our prayers...let us know how the procedure went... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Laurie....I hope your trip out of town was good for you.... there is that song..'I Will Remember You' by Amy Grant....I think of when I see a 'face' in the crowd that reminds me of John David...and it does feel as if someone hit you below the belt...it makes me feel unbalanced...and the longing that comes over me is overwhelming....I have two reactions....one is 'flight'....the other is 'paralyzed'.... I have been doing a lot of pondering....in the 'before' and the 'after'.... how I took everything...my bubble..my circle...the minutes...days ..years....for granted...I am either feeling 'cheap' or 'cheated'....I am guessing that is a normal stage a parent goes through....and once again...that slippery slope of ..being bitter....or better.... I don't want to get stuck on the Wheel of Sadness....but then again....I guess it is normal to get on and off many times a day...I have heavy sadness...and I have light sadness....I do believe the trip to Port Aransas opened up another portal...and now we are to go back on his Angelversary.....we have reservations and so do many others....I should have thought all this through...but...my 'thinking' mind cannot reach too far now....I am more a day to day person of intent... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Becky-----The video of the baby ducks swimming is just sooo cute. Thanks for posting it. Susan----I agree....grief can do strange things to a person's normal routine...especiallysleeping patterns. I, too, had times where being exhausted pushed me into a sleeppattern of about 2-3 hrs., then back awake at 3 a.m., and then being like a zombie duringthe day. The 'before' and 'after' process is something that I guess we will always have.One can't help thinking in that way when we see our dear children's friends moving onwith their lives. John David will always be in your heart and with your spirit. Karen-----This is such early times after your dear Michelle left this world too soon....itis so understandable that you have confusion. I remember the early times after my son,David, died (and when baby Lisa died.... many yrs. ago), where I, too, was so confused, andhad brain fog. Once I was in the grocery store, and was trying to decide which kind ofjelly to buy. This was in the early times after David's death. I know that I must havestood there nearly a half hour......very indecisive. I had a hard time making any kind ofdecision. Just take the baby steps that you are taking. There are often a few stepsforward, and then a couple steps back, but, sad to say...... this is the 'new normal'. In time,the grief road gets 'softer', but so rough right now....I'm sorry. Peace to you, friend. Wishing tranquility and comfort to all Indigos. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Hi gang, hope that the day is going well. Karen and all those new here, Sherry is absolutely correct, foggy head, patience gone, all sorts of things happen when we are early in our grief. Be kind with the changes you are traveling,you have no instruction booklet to help you understand what is happening so just come here and realize that we know and we get it. My ankle is healing, it is purple but I am taking my walks and riding the eliptical at the gym, so healing as I go along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 Lora and Dee.....thanks for sharing your 'reunion' with all of us....gives me hope that 'someday'....maybe many or a few can meet up...then I can meet face to face with the people that lifted me up from the floor of my life....... just about have everything organized in Miss Pat's apartment....for donating...in our Texas town....one knows which organization will get the most use out of items... Lora...how many sales got lost with a contingency sale....the good news is....if the buyers house sells...they can still buy it...just means more time....but in the mean time...do have it on the market....it sounds as if it will be sold soon... In Real Estate...you meet all kinds of people...the ones that would really confuse me are the ones that would get their house painted...appliances fixed...all manner of repairs...and landscaping....to sell it....and I am thinking...'why didn't they keep things fixed and live in a nice house?'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted July 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2014 My procedure went just fine this morning. The hardest part was the fasting 6 hrs. prior. I was asleep for the whole thing and Achim had coffee waiting for me when I woke up--so sweet of him as always. Thank you all for thinking of me. My oven is fixed. The heating element had to be replaced and they had the part here. I'm baking off Achim's fig cobbler right now, much to his delight. Very tired today and poor appetite. I felt hungry after the procedure, but when I tried to eat I just couldn't get more than a few bites down. I made a fresh fruit salad and will try to have some this evening with some whole wheat banana bread and chamomile tea. I had crazy dreams last night during the very short periods that I did sleep. I dreamed it was Michelle's birthday and I didn't have anything planned; I was stuck at the last minute trying to get things done, but couldn't make up my mind what to do. It didn't make much sense, but I was frustrated when I woke up. I find that many things aren't making sense these days. It's very hot and humid in Austin today--97 with a heat index of 104. We don't keep the a/c very cold. Achim and I have always had a diference of opinion when it comes to heating and cooling the air in here. I tend to get too hot and he gets too cold. Grateful to have little fans to blow air on me constantly. Still haven't heard from Michael. I pray he is just trying to process his twin's death and not turning to alcohol. It would seem that anyone as exhausted as I feel right now, would be able to sleep deeply and soundly, but it just isn't happening yet. I've taken advice from you all and get it when I can. I did a lot of reading today so my eyes are tired and blurry and would welcome at least 5 or 6 hours of sleep. I pray that my darling Michelle is smiling that big, bright smile of hers. I hope all of you rest well tonight. Peace and Love, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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