Loss of an Adult Child

[Sholl1955]

Hello all!

I just stopped in to wish everyone a good weekend. It is cold here in Indiana but the sun is shining and no rain for now, so it is a good day. The pressures of life have become pretty hard this week, so I brought my husband (with early onset dementia) and left home for the weekend and came to a place that is quiet and peaceful. I am hoping to get some answers to my prayers on what I need to do in several situations. The word ALONE has taken on new meaning since Sarah died. It doesn't mean being alone physically as there are always people. And sometimes these people have alot to say. I just hope to be able to, in the quiet hear the voice of the ONE who knows me best and to get some direction. A sign from my sweet Sarah would be wonderful too. I don't really like this feeling of vulnerability at all but it has come with this new life we now live.

Thank you for letting me share.

Have a good day.

Sandy

[Vijayabanu]

Hi every one!!!

I have been reading all the posts....reply to some.... Just cry reading some...feeling sorry for the new moms.... At times I feel our prayers that no other mother shd find herself where we find ourselves are not being listened by the GOD!!! I don't know the reason for taking away young lives... When someone loses parents...the past is lost...when siblings are lost...we lose the present....When we lose our child...the future is lost...

Hope everyone in BI are safe from Sandy... In India also, there was a storm and it has been raining... For then past 3 days... The mood is so depressing....

Just taking one day at a time..

Take care all of u...

[ericasmom]

Banu, I hope the rain subsides for a while and allows some sunlight to shine on through the hard times. The onset of the rainy season or the winter is often a difficult thing to handle on top of the grief as the lack of sunlight adds to the lonely feelings. Hang in there, crying each day is part of this, one day you will cry less, I swear.

Sandy, I do hope that the quiet you are seeking offers the answers you need right now. The vulnerability is part of this but in your particular case, more so with your husbands onset and your job change. You have entered a whole new place as we do when we lose a Child, but all of what you knew has shifted along with it. I am sorry for this but I take such peace from your daily sense of getting through it. I wish I could help Sandy. I pray that Sarah is able to leave a message with you today. Blessings.

Karen, have a wonderful time tomorrow and thanks for that hug. Felt great.

[shorty16]

Hello my friends

Sodom and Gamorrah are alive and well in Las Vegas, Nevada.

I have not been to Vegas since 1990. Not a place for a family vacation.

Scott and I went on a night club crawl and I think we were the oldest ones in the place. There was a halloween party and it seems the less you wore, the better.

We did not go in costume, but we did dress-up. All I can say is "It was interesting."

Other than that - I hate to bring up the holidays, but the plans have already begun. This will be our 5th holiday season with out Brian and it is getting a bit easier. By easier, I mean I am able to control my reaction to situations more easily. In the beginning, I ran away - I had to get out of my house on Christmas morning otherwise I would cry, scream, roll in a ball and want to disappear (I did it anyway). I had little to no control over this feeling.

But now, I can control it, I know what to expect. The family pictures still make me cry, but we will see.

Take care my friends - I visit often.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Colleen, I know that you have worked hard to find ways to live with more happiness than you thought you would experience. Your whole family worked hard. Even in those early stages of grief when we don't know taht we are working, we are working. Working to even breathe and to take care of other loved ones when our hearts are nowhere to be found. It takes great energy and strength and most of us thought we were weak. We are not weak. Those who lose a Child are not weak, we are made of strength that can be found in no other place, we didn't ask to be, but when we go through grief and come out of the depths of despair, we are very strong. We never get over grief, we learn to live through it, to live with it, to actually know grief because it is there that we have our final memories of our DEAR CHILD. Our love for our Children is stronger than grief and it will never diminish who our Child is to us.

Have a good Sunday everyone.

[Jeff's Mom]

I agree withyou completely Dee. I am hoping that everyone has a decent day today. Thinking of the ladies who are meeting today and hoping you have a great time.

Kate

[Vijayabanu]

Hi Dee!!

Banu here. I m feeling kind of low today....I was going thru the old exchanges...the number of moms who r crying having lost their kids, made me very sad.. Already in depression having spent 142 days without my son..the longing to be hugged...to hear the voice...the laughter is too much to bear.. Feeling lonely.. Just nothing seems to work...at times, I feel....if only I knew abt the length of life of my son...would I have behaved differently? Would I have told him a million more times 'I love you'??? Would I have kept him with me every single moment and tried to save him??? Is anything I could have or he could have done to extend his time here?? How long should I be living thru this hell called life?? All I do is eat, go to office...wake up...do mundane jobs...start crying for my son...just want this whole thing to end...I can't even sleep... All the time I m awake and begging my son to take me with him..

Hi Kate! How r u.. Hope u r doing better..

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Dee!!

Banu here. I m feeling kind of low today....I was going thru the old exchanges...the number of moms who r crying having lost their kids, made me very sad.. Already in depression having spent 142 days without my son..the longing to be hugged...to hear the voice...the laughter is too much to bear.. Feeling lonely.. Just nothing seems to work...at times, I feel....if only I knew abt the length of life of my son...would I have behaved differently? Would I have told him a million more times 'I love you'??? Would I have kept him with me every single moment and tried to save him??? Is anything I could have or he could have done to extend his time here?? How long should I be living thru this hell called life?? All I do is eat, go to office...wake up...do mundane jobs...start crying for my son...just want this whole thing to end...I can't even sleep... All the time I m awake and begging my son to take me with him..

Hi Kate! How r u.. Hope u r doing better..

Hey Banu, sorry to see you are feeling so sad. I completely understand your feelings at this time. To be honest? I am starting to hit a bit of a wall myself. I guess it is the start of all of our holiday ads on TV and people talking about the upcoming events. As you know Jeff died on December 12th. So close to our Christmas holiday. I have read the thread about others talking about celebrations and how they are coping. I agree with Dave...we all have to cope as best as we can in our own way. Use whatever supports we have to help us get through it.

IHow did you manage to get through your holiday? I know it was a hard period for you. The firsts of everything are really difficult.

Are you able to do anything at all that gives you some sense of peace, or a brief break from your sadness? I love to take long walks and just try to lose myself in the moment. It does help...and it is good for my health as well. Reading and listening to music is another outlet for me. I can finally listen to U2 again without breaking down in a heap of tears.

Brenda...hope you are perking up a bit. I know the situation with your kids is rough. You know that I understand completely.

Lora...how are you?

Hope everyone is okay and having a decent day.

[daveydow1]

Betsy-----Thanks for the update about your dear daughter, Sarah, and

our BI friends along the East Coast after the hurricane. Hoping & praying

that the process of restoring things back to normal....or somewhere close to normal...

will not take too long. Also, hoping that you will start to feel more at home

in your new city, and on your new job. So sorry that the report for Rich's cause

of death did not give you more solid information. So many unanswered questions

we have when our children die. You are right....I guess we just have to live

with it because it's the way that it is. Not easy....that's for sure, but time does

help soften the pain of the unanswered questions. Peace to you, and good

luck on the new job.

For all the moms who are getting together today.....wishing each of you

a very pleasant visit.

Sandy----Yes,.....we can feel alone in our grief even though we may have lots

of people around us. Be easy on yourself, and keep coming to BI. Sarah may

send you signs just when you least expect it. These signs....when they come....

are treasures we keep in our hearts, and they help comfort us in our sorrow.

Peace & prayers.

Banu----I agree---we really do feel as if a future is lost when a dear child dies.

Although it is sad, .....One expects to lose their parents, but never expects to

lose their beloved child.....it's out of the natural order of things in life. I hope

that the rain lets up there soon.

Dee-----How nice to see the hawk on your garage. We see them from time to

time around here......usually sitting on a power line or pole. I don't know too

much about them either, but thought that the Coopers hawk was smaller than

the red-tail, but not sure at all. I agree with everything you said in your post.

You....of course, have a gift of saying it all so well. thanks.

Colleen-----Las Vegas must be going through some changes. We went there

about 10 yrs. or more ago, and there seemed to be people of ALL ages in

clubs, casinos, restaurants etc. I guess that with the expansion of gambling in just

about every state anymore, there may not be as many travelers to Las Vegas.

Crazy (skimpy) Halloween costumes at the parties in the clubs, huh?

Yes....back when we went, they were definitely pushing

Las Vegas as a 'family vacation' place.......lots of children everywhere, and

hotels having so many kids' activities, and family packages. Everything changes.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

..

 

[tobyfreefoot]

haven't been here in a couple weeks. will give a report on our trip out to new mexico and the work we did on forest's monument later. who would have thought i would be able to set my hand to my own son's memorial. we stopped by the roadside memorial created by ashlie's mom and added to it.(pic) we stayed about 4 hours. you could see the concrete curb was torn out and chunks of the street where the accident happened. also part of it was corroded from the fluids pouring out of their car. we could tell exactly what happened, we saw a truck nearly hit our car while we were parked there. pretty poorly designed rest area. hope everyone is doing ok and we haven't had too many new additions to our group but a heartfelt greeting to anyone new. will get back soon and hope also everyone came through the hurricane ok.

[tantraman8]

Gretchen, the memorial is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

Sherry, thanks for the prayers for me and Gregg. I haven't heard from him in a while. I'm hoping he is choosing recovery and I'm afraid to get a call on another son. This is Josh's birthday month, the 28th. I feel like I'm doing well in the aftermath of his passing, feel he is really reaching out to reassure me and cheer me on. And, sometimes I feel like I'm on the fragile edge of another abyss should Gregg choose his addiction over life.

Kate, I missed the posting regarding your husband. But you and he are in my prayers. I'm feeling lonely right now, but I just realized, as I was typing this, that I have four male friends who have/are supporting me in the aftermath of Josh's passing. We male of the species can be such solitary creatures. As a dad, I hope your husband finds the supports to help his heart heal. Losing a child is such a deep wound.

Lora, I know I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now. Before Josh died, I thought I was finally ready for them in the aftermath of my mate Catherine's death in 2010. I had some beginnings that did not work out. I really can see the perfection of that now. It's just that it would be nice to have someone to cuddle, some sweetness on the journey. AND, I know that there is a Divine timing in life, if I just listen.

Banu,

I'm hoping the sun breaks through for you. Before moving to Arizona, I lived in Cleveland, Ohio. Days of gray skies were a depressing backdrop to my normal life. I KNOW how hard it would be to grieving my son and having rain and gray skies too.

Love to all my BI family from Tucson

[mikesmomrs]

Hello everyone...have had a rough few days and have been reading sporadically, but mostly trying to hold on to my sanity. I feel as though I've cried rivers these last couple of months, but nothing compared to this past week. I think it is likely due to my daughter Kim's leaving a week ago Saturday. She was here with me 24/7 since hubby died and it has been hard, really hard. I seem to have turned somewhat of a corner, though, since yesterday. Church Friday night was comforting (a ceremony in honor of those in the parish who have died this past year) and on Sunday, it was comforting as well, though tears to break through still. My life changed drastically when we lost our son, Mike. But then we had each other to lean on. Now, without my husband, the pain is deep, and profoundly lonely. I know that I will get through this. I know that I have help. I know that my two loves are with me still. Mike and his dad are tooling around, and they do let me know they are about. I had to change my phone because I couldn't afford the Verizon plan I had anymore, so I went to a "Straight Talk" prepaid plan. My old phone sits here on the computer desk, by my keyboard. It is turned on, but of course the screen is dark and it is not connected to any plan. Every now and then when I sit down to the computer, I will be here for five minutes or maybe longer, and then all of a sudden the phone will blink on, light up, and there on the "wallpaper" screen that I had when I had the phone active, is the picture of my husband, smiling at me, almost as if he's saying "hello, darlin" and I feel a warmth in my heart. On Friday, when we had the ceremony for hubby, afterwards, we went to eat across the street for pizza. I went up to pay and in the change was a penny...dated 1964,,,the year we got married. I am blessed. But I am so very, very lonesome now, without my best buddy, my soulmate, here to speak to, to listen to, to share, and to love. We used to talk of Mike at one point or another every day. Every single day, we would say something in reference to him. Now, I only talk aloud to myself. I can call Cathi (my daughter) and of course she and I talk and speak of both her dad and her brother, and when I speak with Kim it is the same. But the missing here at home, the voices gone, are so very very painful.

Well, here I come on the first time in over a week, and all I do is talk about myself. I'm sorry, everybody, I guess I just don't have anything to give right now. I know I will again. Life does go one, we all have learned that. Albeit not in the same way, not the way we planned, or maybe want. But it does go on.

I do think of you all each day. You are all in my prayers, and soon I will get back to addressing you all. I know that you we are here to share the loss of our children, to seek and to give comfort. I have been a big part of that for the last 6 years, but right now my heart is hurting too much and I am at a loss for words other than to say that I hold each of you close in my heart, knowing that you are enduring the greatest loss, the loss of your child.

My love and prayers to all.

[tantraman8]

Dear Carol,

Thank you for posting. When I post and talk about myself and my grief, I find myself feeling selfish. But, you give so much here and, the depth of your love for your "Mike's" is so palpable, reaching out here, to be less alone in your sadness, feels like a gift to me, and perhaps all of us here.

I lost my son Josh in April and, in the last few days, have found myself in deep anxiety over possibly losing my other son, Gregg, to his addiction. As hard as I've worked to heal and live fully, since Josh's passing, in my anxiety, I find myself wondering if I would choose to live, should Gregg pass.

Your love and courage are a gift to me. AND....it hurts to have those who are so precious to us not on this plane, not here to hug and be hugged.

I also have two daughters and a bunch of grandchildren, so choosing not to live, should Gregg pass, would be incredibly selfish. AND, losing two sons within a year might be more than I can bear.

Anyhow, in all my rambling, I just wanted you to know that I am sending love and support. I hope both Mike's somehow enfold you in love and comfort. Like I said, the love you all had/have for each other feels rich and deep. Love from Tucson.....David

[Jeff's Mom]

Just wanted to tell everyone how much I am thinking of them... and hoping that they will soon find a degree of peace again in their lives. I am convinced that this change of season into a dreary, cool, impending winter also has us feeling in the dumps. The thought of an upcoming holiday season which we are also dreading is not helping matters any. And the reality of being alone is all the more intensified. Well, we have each other!

David...and Carol...you should never think that you are being selfish in talking openly about your pain and grief. You are being honest. We all know this is not an easy road to walk. It's funny Carol....last night I could not sleep as well. I kept feeling myself pulled towards the computer. My dog was sleeping right beside it and I did not want to disturb the old gal and so I did not turn it on. There is something about the still of the night that has me doing my best thinking.

David, as parents we will always worry about our children. Age will never matter. They will always give us concern regarding their decisions. I truly hope that Gregg will find the strength to fight this addiction and move forward with his life in a positive way. I'm definitely thinking of you as the week passes.

Lora...glad to see that you are coping. Thanks for you support and kind wishes.

Gretchen...thanks for sharing the picture of the memorial spot. It must have been difficult to go back there. How are you doing now?

We headed into the memorial site yesterday afternoon. It was too chilly to sit on the bench. The wind off of the lake was quite strong and the waves were crashing on shore making it very unpleasant. We took the opportunity to hike through the woods for a little bit. I was dressed warmly as I had been sick this past week. It felt good to get the fresh air and some exercise. Returned home to make a warm nourishing dinner and sat watching tv all evening. I'm enjoying a new British program callled, Call the Midwife. It is actually excellent and really well done. The new Upstairs Downstairs Season Two is also excellent.

Really anxious to get the results of the biopsy. Nobody said this was easy. Our health is one of the most important things in our lives. It hangs like a finely woven spider web that is so fragile and can break at any time. How much we tend to take for granted until it is gone. He seems oblivious to it all. Or so it seems.

Colleen....I loved your description of Vegas. I had to smile to myself. Did you have an opportunity to go to any shows? I actually have a friend that moved there to live! She is a nurse and works at a local hospital. Not for me....that's for sure.

Take care everyone.

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, I agree with Lora, it must have been hard to go there. I have only once gone to the site where Eri's car was struck by the train, it was 6 days after, on the day she passed away.

The carving will be so lovely once in place. Looking forward to hearing about your trip.

Carol, of all people to worry about not addressing each person's issues--you. You have always tended to everyone and you still do even in your quieter days. You have given more people hope and inspiration than most will give in a lifetime. It is time for you to let your angst and sadness adn grief out here. It is the right place and time for such things. I imagine Kim leaving has left you feeling like a newly hatched bird, nothing seems familiar does it? BUt as you said, you will find your way through this time and through it there is Ralph and Mike showing you that they are ever-near, and they are free from pain and unencumbered by sickness, they are free to love you and the family from their glorious new digs. One day Sweetie.

[Sholl1955]

I am home from my get away and it was nice to be in a place that has always been special to me and my family. It is a quiet peacful area and I did alot of walking, talking to God, and crying. I have recieved no direction and come home with the same concerns and issues. I guess my answer is to "Be quiet and wait" So I will. The pain of missing Sarah has been really intense today and i so would love to talk to her. I did not recognize any signs while I was gone. She is either sign challenged or she is up there with her hands on her hips, yelling "Mother I am sending them you just aren't paying attention to the right things" (She only called me "Mother' when I was driving her crazy:-)

My husband had a really tough morning and his confusion and anxiety were bad, however it most likely is due to taking him out of his routine and environment. He seems better since we are home.

I did learn what Hedge Apples are. Had never seen them before. I was walking in this wooded area and saw all of these fairly large sized "things:" that looked like green brains. Yep, that is what they look like to me.. I was afraid to touch them so took pictures with my phone and showed them to the lady at the B&B where we were staying. She told me all about them so I walked back and brought two home to give to my son in law who is a neurosurgeon. Crazy I know and he would agree.

I am thinking of you all and know that we are going into a tough season. I am glad you are all there to help many of us through our first hoiday season. Together we can make it. i am so thankful for those who have stayed on this site to help new people that are thrown into this life. Thank you to each one of you!

Don't forget to vote tomorrow

Sandy

[Jeff's Mom]

Stay strong everyone! You will make it. This is so hard, but you are as strong as you want to be...love never dies. Just remember that. The downs are normal. Let the tears flow. Better days will come. Patience, faith, and one day at a time.

Good luck with the election tomorrow. We are watching with interest.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I will vote for sure tomorrow.

I am sorry that you have returned without answers, but I do agree, those answers or at least some direction, will come with time, with quiet. It can't be forced as it needs to follow some organic path. You are carrying a great deal and I hope being here lets you set it down for a bit or distributes it so that we can help. We are here, wishing we could take away the hard facts of the holidays for you but knowing that since we can't our evidence to you is our being here after many years. We are here and we are made tough so don't worry about letting your grief loose. I encourage it as it is often in those long days and weeks of deep hurt that we find some nugget of sorts, to help us rise back to the top and breathe again. There is no linear path anymore, it is topsy- turvy and roller-coaster like, but along this jagged road there are golden stops in which we find our pieces.

love the green brain fruit.

[summergirl]

My Dear Sweet Friends... How happy I am to be here and be able to say hello. It has been a very long week dealing with the aftermath of Storm Sandy but there are so many out there who were devasted way beyond what we have dealt with on the tip of Long Island. We finally got electricity back last nite after 7 days but were blessed to have a propane generator to keep us fed and warm. We had alot of damage around the town's but as I said nothing compared to the City, New Jersey and Staten Island. I have spent some time working with the Red Cross, helping with those displaced and needing to stay at the local High School for shelter, alot of elderly very confused and scared....I sat with them, talked, handed out food etc., it was good for my soul and spirit to be able to do something. Tavian is back in school today after being off all last week. Please say prayers for those who are still waiting for electric, heat, food, shelter.... I know alot of you have seen the news so you know what people are going through. We lost one of the largest trees in our front yard...went into the street and not on our house so again we were lucky. We are supposed to get another storm on Wednesday nite into Thursday with heavy rain and winds up to 50 miles an hour----surely something no one needs right now...Prayers

Tavian had to go to the hospital a week ago Saturday....It was one of the scariest moments I have had since I lost my Jessica.....He was at the skate park with friends which is about 1/4 mile from our home and they called and said he fell and to come and pick him up... so Pop-Pop went down but then I saw the ambulance chief go down the road and then I heard the ambulance sirens and then hubby came home and said get in the truck, Tavian has to go to the hospital !! My breath left me and I ran, when we got there they had his head mobilized and his right arm in a sling and laying on a back board....We got to the hospital and they did x-rays - the lump on his head (he was wearing a helmet and all his gear) was ok, no concussion but he did damage to his right arm, in a sling and has to go see the orthopedic surgeon which had to be put off due to the storm. No sports and limited use so hopefully we will get to the doctor within the next few days. My Jessica and all Angels were watching over Tavian that day and I beyond happy that he is ok.

I am so sorry that I have not been here in so long but please know that you are never far away and always in my heart and thoughts....I am going to try to come back more often and get to know the new ones here....Love, strength and Prayers, Kathy - Jessica's Mom Always

The pics of the Ocean are the calm before the storm came and the tree that came down in our front yard...it was such a beautiful tree but very old and rotted on the inside....

[ericasmom]

I will be in meetings all day so just want to pop in and give you all a hug. Go vote and be well. Kathy, very good to hear your words today, that you are well adn that you helped others in the sandy aftermath. Sorry that you had the breath-sucking experience of Tavian being injured, but so glad he is up adn moving.

Love to Each

[Jeff's Mom]

My goodness, it is quiet here today. Just popping by to say I am thinking of all of you and sending heartfelt prayers and love.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Kate-----I hope you are feeling better. I, too, like "Call the Midwife" on PBS.

Haven't seen too many of the 'Upstairs,Downstairs' episodes, so am lost

when it comes to that story line. Do you watch 'Downton Abbey'....also on

PBS ? I'm looking forward to seeing the third season, starting in Jan.

Sending thoughts & prayers for your husband.

Carol-----I agree with the others on BI.....you are always here with a kind word

of encouragement for everyone, and as Dee said....it's ok to take time for

your own healing. When I logon to BI and see Mike's smile, I feel better

already....just knowing that you are here. Peace & comfort to you, my friend.

David----I think that everyone who has lost a child feels extra anxiety in

their heart when those special days are approaching......birthdays, angel

days, and so many other occaisions that bring tears to the eyes, and pain

to the heart. It is so understandable....especially for all the 'firsts' that

are inevitable for this lousy road we find ourselves on. Stay with us here

at BI, and somehow we will all gain strength from each other and find we

can endure those sad sad days and see some sunshine again. I'm continuing

to pray that Gregg will choose to stick with the rehab and gain recovery. Your

dear Josh has those ways that are heaven-sent to reach out to you to give

you love & encouragement. We, as grieving parents, are always on the

lookout for these signs and we can tuck them away in our hearts to warm

us when those dark days come. Peace to you, friend.

Kathy----So sorry to hear of Tav's accident. It must have been very very

frightening for you & Pop Pop to go through that. Glad that Tav is ok, though.

Take care. Good to see your post.

Gretchen----

I'm glad that you got to see Forest's headstone at last. Also,

thanks for the pic.

Lora----I believe that you have the right idea about the dreaded holidays

coming up. While I know that we used to enjoy the holidays a lot, they

can never be what they used to be after a beloved child has passed on.

It's just not the same. You said you will take it one day at a time, and I

think that is a good approach. I know that I sometimes feel guilty even

saying that I 'dread' the upcoming holidays....but everything has changed

in so many ways. I think that it is good to do just what one can do and

not feel too badly about letting some things go. Take care.

Dee------Pretty cold here at night. I sat looking out the window today, at

the combine harvesting the cornfields across the road. The neighbor is

working hard to get all the harvesting in because soon, he and his wife

will be going off to Florida to spend the winter months, as they do each

year. Have not seen any deer at all lately, but drivers must be careful

now, as it is the mating season, and deer can be running and darting

across roads......hard to see in the darkness. They seem to come out of

nowhere.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

.

[andy88]

Hello Friends,

Diane, Karen, Therese, and I had a wonderful get-together. Ladies, it was a complete pleasure to meet you, share with you, and learn about your beloved boys. Can't wait to get together again!

Kate, sending up a prayer for your husband right now.

Dee, thanks for always having such wonderful insight to share

Sherry, Carol, Kathy, and Colleen, it was good to see your names.

I haven't been on much, but I do think of you all every day. I hope to get to know all the newcomers better. Holding you all in my heart,

Pam

[ericasmom]

Lora, so glad about the tattoo, it is a joy to know that our Kids are walking around with their friends and family and that they travel the world with their loved ones. I never did get a tattoo but there were 4 tattoo parlors in Kalamazoo that week when Eri lay dying, filled to the brim. Over 150 people got tattoos taht week of Erica Eileen Reith. the first two boys who got the tattoos were the two boys her same age, whose car Eri's car hit after the train hit her. They were first to run to her to see if they could help, they had never met her but waited at the trauma center all night until we got there to meet us and tell us that our Daughter was surrounded by light. They went the next day for tattoos, EER and in Chinese Characters- Beautiful Girl. They came each day to meet all of Eri's friends and family and they both were on the Football team at Western Michigan University. It was a few months after Eri died that Matt and Joel's coach sent me the UofM football flag with all the boys signatures and Eri's name written in with them, an official member of the team because her death touched the two team captains so much that they changed the attitude of all the team after that. They told me that first night that they would never take anything for granted again in their lives. They meant it. Lovely men.

Kate, any news about your Hubby?

Sherry, raining and chilly here but it sounds pretty against the windows and I am headed to bed.

Pam, so good that you were able to meet up with the Ladies and that the connections were made. It is amazing the bond that can happen through this magical place.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks everyone for your concern regarding my husband. We have not yet heard about the results. He has always been a man that pushed aside his own health issues and hoped they would disappear. Well, this time it is not happening. Like most of us as we age he has had issues with growths from sun exposure. He has had many, many that have been blasted off or cut out. But this is not about the skin issue. His family has a long history of cancer. Bowel to be specific. And now he has been limping for about a year. They took xrays and told him it most probably was just arthritis settling in. But now they have found a large lump on the bone in his knee. It appears to be growing fairly quickly. He is also losing weight and having problems in other areas if you know what I mean. He simply does not look at all well. I'm sure hoping they get back to us quickly. He appears to be in total denial.

Our weather has been quite cloudy this past several weeks. However, it is still not too cool yet! Yesterday we had a very wet dumping of snow. The kind that is heavy to shovel. Thank heaven there was not much of it. Watched with interest the election yesterday. Not much else to say today. Thinking of everyone. Have a good day.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Oh Kate, I am so sorry that your Husband is dealing with this worry and fear. I sure hope that what ever it is , the doctors will have a good path to curing him. Prayers are being sent.

I woke happy in the night when both sisters left text messages of Barrack's win. I am a happy woman.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

<3

[BrendaDup59]

Hi all,

I am sorry I haven't posted, and thanks for your concerns. Monday, 56 weeks after the fact, I got an envelope with a CD of almost three hundred pictures from the police investigation. Needless to say, it took me back and not in a good way. We had no idea so much damage was done to him or to the SUV. It was just horrible. That night when my husband and I went in to id him, I don't remember seeing any of the cuts and bruises, not even on his hands, which I held and rubbed trying to bring warmth back into them. We must have been completely numb and blind not to have noticed. I remember his hair being flattened to his head with blood, so much so that for a moment when we were entering the room, I had a glimmer of hope, thinking it wasn't him, until I got closer and saw his face.

I thought to myself that night, that they could have cleaned him up better, but now I realize they did.

If that wasn't enough to deal with, someone stole some of Jared's things out of his room, and we just noticed it the other day, and have been dealing with finding out who, and trying to get the items back. I am completely deflated. How could someone do such a thing? To take my dead son's property and sell it for profit? OMG. I know they are just "things", but those things have memories attached, and I feel like that's all we have left!!; don't F--- with it! WHY???

Becky I am so sorry you have to go through that, I cant imagine how it had to hurt, I know what it did to me the last time I went to the accident sight it set me right back to the day I lost him and to think someone claiming to be his friend would take his things is just unbelievable. I sure hope you get the things back. Take Care Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks everyone for your concern regarding my husband. We have not yet heard about the results. He has always been a man that pushed aside his own health issues and hoped they would disappear. Well, this time it is not happening. Like most of us as we age he has had issues with growths from sun exposure. He has had many, many that have been blasted off or cut out. But this is not about the skin issue. His family has a long history of cancer. Bowel to be specific. And now he has been limping for about a year. They took xrays and told him it most probably was just arthritis settling in. But now they have found a large lump on the bone in his knee. It appears to be growing fairly quickly. He is also losing weight and having problems in other areas if you know what I mean. He simply does not look at all well. I'm sure hoping they get back to us quickly. He appears to be in total denial.

Our weather has been quite cloudy this past several weeks. However, it is still not too cool yet! Yesterday we had a very wet dumping of snow. The kind that is heavy to shovel. Thank heaven there was not much of it. Watched with interest the election yesterday. Not much else to say today. Thinking of everyone. Have a good day.

Kate

Kate , I am sorry to read about your husband I hope and pray he will be OK . Just know I am thinking about you . Love Brenda

[tobyfreefoot]

so sorry for everything you all have been through recently. kathy glad tavian is ok! i bet the fright was terrible. kate hope your husband gets some good news. i always wonder why it takes them so long to get back with us when we are on pins and needles. becky i am sick some one would take jared's things. were they taken from his room? someone you welcomed into your home? very hurtful. looking at the pictures seems like may be more than i could bear. were the pictures taken because the driver's negligence? do you think they have pictures of my son's accident even when the truck driver was just parked?

dee i loved hearing the story about eri being commemorated by so many and so wonderfully. i know it doesn't help the sadness but it does do one's heart good to see others honoring your child. lora i know seeing your son's tattoo filled your heart also. after you get yours send pics of both ok?

my trip to new mexico was crazy. we stayed with the sculptor. he is extremely eccentric and he built this 4 story house out of all kinds of odds and ends. it was easy to get lost in as you had to go outside to get to different parts of the house. we stayed in a glass room 4 stories up on top of a mountain. one night it was 24 degrees in our room lol! very fascinating though. we picked out the granite for the base and i drew the rest of the back art then we cut all the art and lettering out of the rubber resist that leslie put on for sandblasting. so here is the near completed cutting work on the back piece. i included all kinds of things forest loves --logos for super smash bros., megaman, the triforce from zelda, a pokeball, the moon, saturn, something to symbolize industry and vibration, some binary code, the firefox from metal gear, a microscope, the sewer lid from the ninja turtles, a stack of books and cherry blossoms (he could speak japanese) also a pic of leslie feuerborn showing progress on the princess peach piece with some of the granite we chose and two views from our room.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, I am so very sorry that you had to experience this unfortunate loss of Jared's things. Some people can sink to an all time low. It must have also been really difficult to look at those pictures. My heart goes out to you. (HUGS)

Gretchen...How amazing to be able to have such an interesting experience in creating such a wonderful memorial to your boy! It looks awesome!

Becky and Dee,,,,thanks for your concern. Heard back today. Into the hospital for further tests.

Take care everyone. And BTW...I was happy Dee about the election results too!

Kate

[daveydow1]

Lora-----Your son's tatto for Cara sounds nice, and has so much

meaning. I'm sure the design that you finally decide on to get for

yourself will also be very nice, and will honor dear Cara.

Dee----So nice that the young men who helped ERi and waited

at the hospital til you got there. Also, the footbal flag was such

a nice touch with all the signatures and ERi's name on it.

Kate-----I'm praying hard for your husband, that his medical

problems turn out to be not of the serious nature. It's

understandable that you are just so worried. Peace & prayers

for you both, friend.

Becky----I'm so sorry that someone helped themselves to JD's

things out of his room. Also, I can relate about all the pics that

you received of the scene, and how it brought it all back to that

awful day. I, too, had gotten a lot of pics from the Highway Patrol

who investigated my son, Dave's, accident, and I can tell you, I

was just sick looking at the terrible scene, and the way his car

was so mangled. One pic that appeared in the newspaper showed

the scene, and in the near distance, the MedEvac helicopter was leaving to

take him to the trauma center. What a nightmare you had to go through

when having to identify your dear son. My heart goes out to you, Becky.

I continue to wish you luck in your work to get justice for your dear son.

Gretchen-----Oh,.....Forest's headstone will be so very unique....with all

the designs. Your stay with the sculptor must have been 'interesting' in

his house of an artistic design,.....and it will all be worth it when the stone

is finished for your dear son.

I'm off to do some reading. Take care all.....and hoping that you get a

good night's rest.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Gretchen, I am not sure I would ever recommend seeing those pictures. I am sure they would have taken photos at the scene, as they are required to do anytime it is a fatal accident.

Thanks for the hugs, Kate! I needed that!! Yes, things were taken from Jared's room and it's taken two days to dig to find out what happened to them. Initially, lies on top of lies, and finally got to the truth, but no clear explanation. We are all just devastated to think we extended ourselves, and opened our home, and got slapped in the face by someone stealing his things.

We got most of it back late today, but still feel very violated and very saddened by it all. I feel much like I did when we first lost Jared, listless, very tired, a big setback. It took the threat of police involvement to get to the truth. That part really bugs me, because I asked very calmly and sincerely for the truth, and this person lied. Why can't people just be truthful?

[ericasmom]

Becky, so sorry that someone not only lied but felt they could take items that belonged to Jared. I wonder if they wanted some tangible items or were they being greedy? Either way, it is wrong but more understandable if they just wanted a piece of what Jared held dear. Tangible things are important to us, we often use these things as touchstones to the Child we had to say goodbye to. I have kept some items that will always hold importance to my soul. These items are pieces of Eri and I gave many away to those that loved her, but the ones I have kept are mine. I hope that this all gets settled soon and that you can find your bearings again. Remember, set backs are normal in this non-normal time. The accident report sounds awful, I remember too, being surprised by some of what was written as when we are in shock, there is no way for us to take it all in. Shock in so many ways is the great protector. How could we process any more than we already were made to? Sweet Jared likely knew no physical pain as his injuries were extreme, even Eri who lived for 6 days likely felt no pain as the brain injury prevented her from this. It took me a while though, to grasp that she was not in pain when she was in the hospital, but I remember the serene look upon her face and the sense of peace all around her and realized she was not hurting except for hurting for us.

Sherry, I did not mean to go off on my story when commenting on Lora's future tattoo. SOrry Lora and All, your words triggered a strong memory and it came running out of me as though I would forget it if I had not written it then. Lora, I hope you will show us your tattoo. How old is your Son?

Gretchen, what a trip you took, and what a gorgeous memorial stone Forest will have. Thanks for sharing. Gorgeous views from your friend's home. Were you in Taos?

[Guest]

.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Gretchen, I have been so upset that I didn't even mention how fantastic I think the memorial that you have created for Forest is! I know he loves it!

Dee, I thought much the same thing at first, hoping and praying that it was a case of this person that took Jared's things from his room just wanting something of his, but I think I suspected right from the beginning that wasn't the case, because we have made a point of offering things to any of his friends that might want them, and some already had some of Jared's clothing, which it seemed he was always leaving a pair of pants or shirt or hoodie somewhere he had been or stayed, and I told all of them when they offered those things back to us, that they should keep them. These items were taken on a Monday, and SOLD on a Wednesday. Thankfully, the utimate receiver of those stolen things, gave them back to us without hesitation, and the first party to it has apologized, but right now, we just aren't ready to take on their issues, and have asked that they not come here and give us a chance to process what just happened. All day I have been down, because I know these kids are hurting too, and Jared must have seen some goodness in them to be friends with them. I feel so bad for my daughter, who had taken all of them in as they came, and welcomed them here. She has been like a mother hen, worrying about their choices and futures, and I know she is hurting too. We talked at length since this has happened, and I have tried to tell her that there comes a point when a person has to see their own flaws and be willing to work on them, that you can't always "fix" everything. She is glad that charges won't be brought for the theft, and feels that because there seemed to be genuine remorse that they would pay the price within themselves.

Kate, I am praying for your dear husband, and I understand, remember I am the one who suffered for 20+ years with neck pain before I finally went for help and had the needed surgery.

Carol, bless your heart. I wish I were closer by to be some company for you! I know you hated to see your daughter have to go.

David, I have read your posts, and am praying for your Greg, and hope he will find his way. Stay the course, and I am sure God has someone to fill the void in your life.

Thanks for your concern, Lora and Brenda. Thank God for all of you here! Lora, I got a tattoo right before my neck surgery, on my right wrist, and had some of Jared's ashes put into the ink. I did that because I was thinking of my hospital stay and the fact that I would have to take my necklace that contained some of his ashes off, and I just needed something that would stay with me during that surgery and recovery time. Mine is a heart with the infinity symbol inside and his initials above. There is a portion of the heart that continues to flake and peel and I just look at it and say "my heart is not healed yet" and it sure isn't.

[shorty16]

My Dear Friends.

I had a rough night last night and wanted to come here for comfort.

Several months ago, I vollunteered to speak about "Faith and Grief" at our church for the confirmation classes (7th and 8th graders).

At the time I was asked, I felt I could do it. But (for some reason) I did not consider seeing the faces of these kids and knowing my son sat right where they are. My son was confirmed in this church and his funeral was at this church.

I did give the speach to both grades, but cried the entire time. I could not control it.

I know these speachers go much farther than the pain I feel during and after. If I can help one family from going through this, it would be worth it.

I still cannot stop crying...The Spaces-Between-Breakdowns becomes longer, but they do not go away.

I need a hug.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[tobyfreefoot]

colleen HUGS HUGS HUGS the emotional delivery though so painful to you may save someone else. may have been the one thing to make a difference. seems little compensation for your grief but to keep another broken heart from the cosmos is an awesome thing!

[daveydow1]

Colleen-----So sorry for your distressing time at the speeches for

the teens at the church. Sooooooo understandable that you cried. I could not

have done it either.....without some tears. Your kind heart is so

evident, and I'm sure that the kids will think about the message

that you gave, especially when they knew the age of your dear, Brian,

was so close to their own ages. Peace & comfort, friend.

Becky------I do hope that the one who stole, then sold, JD's things

will look into himself and be sorry for the wrong that he did. He

may have made a bad decision to take the items, but to turn around

and sell them was just so wrong and hurtful to you & your family.

I'm glad that you got the items back, and I can understand your wish

to put distance between yourselves and the whole painful incident.

You are right.......there is just no way that police reports/pics/etc.

can be dressed up to be more than the horrifying and sad thing that

is. The picture of Dave's accident scene was a half-page, color, one

in the local newspaper. My boss called the paper office to complain

about the graphic nature of it,....the very next day after the crash.

Dave's car was flattened to only a few feet in height, and had to be

lifted onto a flat-bed truck for removal. The freeway was closed for

6 hrs. for clean-up of all the debris,....there were eight other cars that

were damaged also. There were other injuries, but my son was the

only one killed. I know the sorrow and distress that you are going

through with the reports, and in your work to get to the information

that you are seeking in order to get justice for dear Jared. May you

find peace.

Dee-----I'm glad the elections are over. Would you believe that

I actually had a call from someone asking post-election questions?

I responded with....."The election is over", and hung up the phone.

So irritating. It is to get up to 61 this weekend, so my husband and I

will get out the tall ladder and clean out the spouting of all the leaves

that have collected from the huge oak tree next to the house.. Unpleasant

job, but it has to be done. Saw several deer running across the cornfield

that has just been cut down. The mating season for them is in full swing,

I guess.....that's why they are running all over in such a careless manner.

It can be very dangerous for drivers.

Take care everyone.......and prayers for a peaceful evening.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Col, here you were trying to help others and the tears and memories took over. It happens to me still and I am heading through our ninth year without erz. It is bound to happen, and while you may have felt so uncomfortable, the meaning of your lesson is certain to be felt and understood. THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I PLANNED, IT IS HOWEVER, THE LIFE I OWN.

HUGS AND MORE HUGS!

Kate, when will Husband have more tests?

Sherry, yes warmer temps heading our way though I do not think todday reached the highs expected. IT is gloomy and damp for 5 days now.

Becky, what pain you must all be feeling as you do process this faulty behavior. I would imagine that the person who did this is feeling the brunt of poor decision making, and hopefully feeling a fool. May he repent by first apologizing to you all, then to Jared, and to all of Jared's friends.

[Jeff's Mom]

We are digging in for a major storm... as of tomorrow night. We are supposed to have a fair amount of snow. About a foot or quite a bit more. Can only say that I am thinking of everyone with fond thoughts and sending love tonight. Sherry....hope you held the ladder for hubby! Enjoy that warm weather while it lasts. Colleen...sending (HUGS) and truly feel your pain. We do understand.

Carol....thinking of you.

Dee...next week.

Take care everyone.

[ericasmom]

Good luck with the snow Kate, II hope it is beautiful and not a dangerous time for folks. Prayers for your Husband's med tests.

[Jeff's Mom]

Not sure if I am doing this right. \I see things have changed again. Thanks Dee. The snow has not yet started but we are well prepared and ready.

Hope you are all keeping well. Sending love and prayers. Take care. Kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Wow, I would say it did change! Hope you manage with the snowstorm Kate!! Hugs to you Colleen!This is ridiculous, trying to type in this tiny box...and where are the colors for fonts?? Not liking it at all.

[stargazer5510]

I heard someone in here was asking for hugs!!

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))colleen((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))colleen((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))colleen((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))COLLEEN((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))colleen((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))colleen((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))colleen((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))COLLEEN((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

[Guest]

...

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh, I do hate winter! Woke up this morning to a strong wind and huge waves. It is snowing fairly heavily but the temps are not too bad. The high is -3C Guess it had to come.

Hope it clears for the Rememberance Day Celebrations tomorrow. Standing outside in this is going to be a challenge. Considering what they had to go through it is no big deal.

Lora...lovely that the guys are holding a tribute to your daughter. I will be thinking of you today. Hope it goes well.

Becky....thinking of you.

Brenda....hope you are opkay.

Kate