Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmum]

Carol & Cathi have posted an update on Mike. It would seem that his body is weary, shutting down. They are hoping to bring him home where he will be surrounded by family and familiarity. Prayers for them all, hopes for a peaceful painfree journey.

Hello, dear friends, who have shared my family's journey with Dad's illness: Dad is not doing well. His kidneys are shutting down, his systems are slowing down and he is sleeping most of the time. Yesterday, after sleeping for about 18 hours, he came to and was sitting up, chatting, and cracking the odd joke or two with me, Mom, Kim, and our friend Denis for a few hours. It was very precious to have that time with him; he was lucid and sweet and just the same ol' Dad. Today however, he's asleep again, his kidney numbers are up (indicating them shutting down), and the doctor and nurses and we all are doing what we can to give him comfort and peace.

The plan was to take him home today, in fact the hospital bed was delivered this afternoon. However, his stomach began swelling and hurting last night into today, and we felt it would be detrimental to his well-being to move him. The doctor said the swelling/pain was due to his digestive system not handling the nutrition they were giving him through his feeding tube, which is normal for many patients. He took him off the feeding tube (which is not going to hurt or starve him; the doc said he had plenty of nutrients for the time being) to allow his stomach & intestines to deal with what's in there and the swelling/pain to subside. With the grace of God we'll bring him home tomorrow where he can spend his time with those who love him, in his favorite place on Earth. Please keep him in your prayers...that he is comfortable, that he is safe, that he can be at peace. God bless.

[ericasmom]

Amen Trudi, I just read the alert as well. I know that Carol is one of the most caring and nurturing humans ever, her heart however is breaking I am sure. This is the man of her dreams leaving, they held each other together with the passing of their Son, how hard this must be, and how friggin familiar too..I hope that they get home so he can let go there.

Prayers for peace very soon.

We cannot predict where we will land when tragedy befalls, all we can do is look where we are, try to stand up under the heavy pressure of grief, and plant one foot in front of the other locating where we are in this world. And when we get knocked down and fall three steps back, (and we all do), we repeat the actions we took earlier on, only our back is bent to the pressure and the lack of motivation to do it again, but we do. We do because we are still here, because we still have things to do here on Earth. We do because there are angels whose lives ended early and they would like us to stand in their light and live.

[Jeff's Mom]

Carol & Cathi have posted an update on Mike. It would seem that his body is weary, shutting down. They are hoping to bring him home where he will be surrounded by family and familiarity. Prayers for them all, hopes for a peaceful painfree journey.

Hello, dear friends, who have shared my family's journey with Dad's illness: Dad is not doing well. His kidneys are shutting down, his systems are slowing down and he is sleeping most of the time. Yesterday, after sleeping for about 18 hours, he came to and was sitting up, chatting, and cracking the odd joke or two with me, Mom, Kim, and our friend Denis for a few hours. It was very precious to have that time with him; he was lucid and sweet and just the same ol' Dad. Today however, he's asleep again, his kidney numbers are up (indicating them shutting down), and the doctor and nurses and we all are doing what we can to give him comfort and peace.

The plan was to take him home today, in fact the hospital bed was delivered this afternoon. However, his stomach began swelling and hurting last night into today, and we felt it would be detrimental to his well-being to move him. The doctor said the swelling/pain was due to his digestive system not handling the nutrition they were giving him through his feeding tube, which is normal for many patients. He took him off the feeding tube (which is not going to hurt or starve him; the doc said he had plenty of nutrients for the time being) to allow his stomach & intestines to deal with what's in there and the swelling/pain to subside. With the grace of God we'll bring him home tomorrow where he can spend his time with those who love him, in his favorite place on Earth. Please keep him in your prayers...that he is comfortable, that he is safe, that he can be at peace. God bless.

Thank you, Trudi. God Bless you Ralph. May you close your eyes and awaken to find your loving son with open arms to greet you. Thinking of you Carol... and all of the family.

Kate

[Guest]

.

[BrendaDup59]

Saying a prayer for Carol and Mike, God Bless you all .

and prayers for all who will be effected by the hurricane .

[hoosiermom]

Prayers for Carol and Mike and family.....so very hard to let go....but oh what a joyous reunion awaits him.

Thinking of Maddy and family on this anniversary of Katrina, and prayers for all those in the path of Isaac.

I see some Indigos having some very sad days and my heart goes out to all of you, picture in your mind the group here surrounding you and holding you, because we will be here to lift you up when the heavy weariness of heartache and loss are too much to bear.

Love and light to all Indigos

Jenn

Brianna's momma

[ericasmom]

Maddy, as others have said, prayers to you for all that the mention of hurricanes must bring to you. May you all take shelter in the strength you have forged.

[tantraman8]

Prayers for Carol and Mike and family.....so very hard to let go....but oh what a joyous reunion awaits him.

Thinking of Maddy and family on this anniversary of Katrina, and prayers for all those in the path of Isaac.

I see some Indigos having some very sad days and my heart goes out to all of you, picture in your mind the group here surrounding you and holding you, because we will be here to lift you up when the heavy weariness of heartache and loss are too much to bear.

Love and light to all Indigos

Jenn

Brianna's momma

Dear Jenn,

Thanks for the wishes around " picturing being held." I know, on an energetic level, that happens here. I also know on a physical level, I probably could use "being held" ( on a DAILY basis) and releasing my grief around the loss of my son. Sometimes, it is hard to keep going with work.....AND.... since I live alone, it's hard to be in the "aloneness" of my casita. I am VERY GRATEFUL for this place where people "get it." I think the worst thing about losing Josh, is the VOID.....and, the experience within the VOID of aloneness.... of most people "out there" not really getting it. Thank you, again.

Love,

David

[tantraman8]

Dear All,

Almost laughing here (OK, maybe a wry grin). I see this site now classifies me as an "advanced member!!" If I'm advanced, LORD help us ALL!!! LOL ( On the topic of LOL, this is the first time, since I've joined the site that LOL has appeared in any of my posts.)

I actually had a peaceful night last night, and found myself wondering how it was even possible, but also feeling grateful. It has only been a little over four months since Josh passed. When he first died, I started a "letters to Josh" journal and I wore a "teardrop" with some of his ashes in it every day (even slept with it on). In the last month, I have rarely written a "letter to him", rarely looked at his pics. It feels like I'm "avoiding him" and on some level that I need to do that a bit just to be able to work and keep my head above the water physically and emotionally. Make sense?? Anyone relate or have this experience???

Blessings to all. I am grateful for your presence.

Much love,

David

[BrendaDup59]

Dear All,

Almost laughing here (OK, maybe a wry grin). I see this site now classifies me as an "advanced member!!" If I'm advanced, LORD help us ALL!!! LOL ( On the topic of LOL, this is the first time, since I've joined the site that LOL has appeared in any of my posts.)

I actually had a peaceful night last night, and found myself wondering how it was even possible, but also feeling grateful. It has only been a little over four months since Josh passed. When he first died, I started a "letters to Josh" journal and I wore a "teardrop" with some of his ashes in it every day (even slept with it on). In the last month, I have rarely written a "letter to him", rarely looked at his pics. It feels like I'm "avoiding him" and on some level that I need to do that a bit just to be able to work and keep my head above the water physically and emotionally. Make sense?? Anyone relate or have this experience???

Blessings to all. I am grateful for your presence.

Much love,

David

Hi David, I know what you mean in not looking at his pictures, I have my days too that I have to just try and put it all in the back of my mind to function, I thought I was going to have a day with no crying yesterday until I watched the video of Brian's baby girl Jaci walking.. and all I could think is how much he is missing.. but then I try and tell myself his spirit is watching . and I ended up having a cry and nothing wrong with that . I was outside last night after dinner taking pictures of birds and as I sat there it felt like something touched the top of my head ,I reached up thinking what the heck ? it was like a pat ... well nothing was there... so I just sat there and kept watching the birds and it happened again... lol I stood up looked around... nothing.. I have to believe Brian was there with me. it was nice.I am glad to hear you are finding some peace .. and I know what you mean that you feel like your avoiding... your not .. he is there your just getting use to different thoughts instead of the all consuming heartache , I still have my days that it just seems to come out of now where.. my problem is going any where .. hard time with that.. but making myself go do my moms hair ..oh what fun! ..lol I hope you have a good day. Take Care Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

Dear All,

Almost laughing here (OK, maybe a wry grin). I see this site now classifies me as an "advanced member!!" If I'm advanced, LORD help us ALL!!! LOL ( On the topic of LOL, this is the first time, since I've joined the site that LOL has appeared in any of my posts.)

I actually had a peaceful night last night, and found myself wondering how it was even possible, but also feeling grateful. It has only been a little over four months since Josh passed. When he first died, I started a "letters to Josh" journal and I wore a "teardrop" with some of his ashes in it every day (even slept with it on). In the last month, I have rarely written a "letter to him", rarely looked at his pics. It feels like I'm "avoiding him" and on some level that I need to do that a bit just to be able to work and keep my head above the water physically and emotionally. Make sense?? Anyone relate or have this experience???

Blessings to all. I am grateful for your presence.

Much love,

David

a double post!

[tantraman8]

a double post!

GUESS I NEEDED TO LOL TWICE!!! ...Morning, Brenda!

[tobyfreefoot]

i just read the sad news from carol and mike's daughter. i am thinking of all of you and wishing you something beautiful and simple to ease your arrival home and hoping that will be today

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Very saddened by the news of Mike and Carol's status. God bless them both, and although it will be a joyous homecoming for Mike and his son soon, I can't imagine how poor Carol feels. She is always worrying about each of us, and I only hope we can help her somehow.

David, I had the same response when I moved from "newbie" to "advanced", remember wondering what qualified me as that! I think that title should be for members that have been here much longer than us, of which there are many, or else give them an elite status of some sort that would recognize their continued support for all of us with their knowledge of the pathway further down the road.

[shellyku]

Hello Indigos old and new! I'm so sorry for the new folks that have joined this site, my heart to you. It's been a long time

since I've posted...read every few days. May I add my prayers to yours for Mike, Carol and family. What a heart-wrenching

time. I remember well going through this 2 years ago when Sarah was going downhill fast and the feeling of absolute

helplessness was overwhelming. We just passed her birthday and angelversary this month and I still have trouble believing

it. To you who are newer to this journey, the kindness and comraderie(sp) of the fine folks here is, I'm sure you're finding,

a Godsend. Life is so different without our child, but we keep going forward and prayerfully we find a place that feels comfortable

as it can be. I miss Sarah with every cell in my being and I can't say that I've found that comfort yet, but it does get better with

time. My love and prayers to all of you on this journey. Shelly

[ericasmom]

I justwant to check in and say hello as I prepare for tomorrow nights open house at school, just want to say that I love you guys, that I am so glad that each of us finds a bit of hope or strength in being a part of the group.

Loves,

dee

[Jeff's Mom]

I justwant to check in and say hello as I prepare for tomorrow nights open house at school, just want to say that I love you guys, that I am so glad that each of us finds a bit of hope or strength in being a part of the group.

Loves,

dee

I agree with you Dee! And for once I am speechless! David...another reason for an LOL! Three today?

Thinking of everyone here. Take care.

Kate

[ericasmom]

Shelly, good to see you today, I have wondered about you and hoped that you are out there. I am sorry that I must have missed Sarah's Birthday and Angelversarry? Goodness.

I am sorry. I am terrible with dates and remembering, much more so since I lost Eri. I hope that the end of summer is kind to you.

[ericasmom]

SARAH-SARAH-SARAH

your Angel date came and went without my noting this sad day. I know that you are out of harm's way, that you are without pain or worry, so I hope that you can send that sense of your serenity on to your Family so that they get a little taste of your peace.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, only a thought away. Send your family your love.

[mysonrich]

Sarah Sarah Sarah......Fly free . Fly free. stop by and say hello to your mom.

[makenzieh]

Dee... I like that part about standing in their light and live. Sometimes so hard to do, but we are the ones who keep their light alive and bright.

[makenzieh]

Dee... I like that part about standing in their light and live. Sometimes so hard to do, but we are the ones who keep their light alive and bright.

[mikesmum]

From Carol's update on Mikes carepages...its just a little of the whole post..Thoughts with Carol and her entire family who are 'reliving' the last days of Mike's life. But you know, Carol wouldn't have it any other way...caring for the love of her life till he's reunited with their son.

Yes, we are home. It almost didn't happen. With the problems we encountered yesterday, it really didn't look like we were going home. My heart was broken; I had promised him we would go home, the one thing that he wanted more than anything. But yesterday I just didn't feel comfortable with it, I was so worried that something would happen to make the days ever more uncomfortable for him, so I stayed at the hospital another night. It broke my heart to have to tell him that we weren't going home, after I'd been telling him that afternoon that we were. We all sat in his room, Kim, Cathi, Rachel and Rebekah and myself. (Davis kept Jameson at the house.) As I sat on the side of Mike's bed holding his hand, and he lay there, calm, and softly breathing, but not really responding to words spoken, but every now and then, he would reach out and pull me to him, wrapping his arms around me, locking his hands behind my neck. This is how he lived his life with me...his love firmly surrounding me, always holding me up. And last night was no exception.

When I was coming home in the ambulance, along with the thoughts of how happy I was to bring Mike home, I kept thinking that I wish I could see a yellow punch buggy, but nothing appeared anywhere, until, just as we pulled onto our street. Like it had just been set down on the road in front of us, a bright yellow punch buggy...a reminder that young Mike is near, that he is with his dad, as always, and he will be there waiting for him and "showing him around," I'm sure. Mike loved his dad so much, and I know they will have great days together again.

I want to thank you all once again, for your love, support, and prayers throughout this journey. We have been so comforted so many times, and we have seen evidence of your prayers many, many times. Our faith in God has carried us through many days and nights, and our faith in your love and prayers has strengthed us over and over again.

May God bless you all, and hold you in the palm of his hand;

[ericasmom]

Angelflox, tell us about who brings you here, I am sorry that you do find yourself here but know that it will be a place that will support you in all the times of your heartache.

I just read the post on the CarePages, Carol has taken her Beloved home as we all prayed and hoped. Mike is home to say goodbye, as was Mike Jr. Thank you God and Angels for letting this happen, letting Carol fulfill her promise to Mike.

[hoosiermom]

Thank you, Trudi and Dee, for keeping us updated on Carol and Mike.

Words fail me right now, all I can do is continue to pray for these dear people.

Jenn

Brianna's momma

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Dee and Trudi, for the updates on Ralph and Carol. I am so glad that Carol was able to keep her promise to Ralph and take him back home. They are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

I am feeling kind of down today. I had a call from a friend that has been undergoing therapy for cancer yesterday. Unfortunately, it has spread and the prognosis is not good. Nobody could have fought it harder then this woman. My heart just breaks for her. I barely slept a wink last night.

However, the good news is that young Jenelle is improving by the day. She has much re-hab and surgeries ahead, but is out of the woods as far as life threatening issues.

Thinking of everyone and hoping you are coping as best as you can. I'm off to take a friend from the hospital out for lunch. She is now in remission and they are waiting to find a place to send her at this point. Too ill to go home, but not ill enough to keep her. If that makes sense

Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Thanks Dee and Trudi, for the updates on Ralph and Carol. I am so glad that Carol was able to keep her promise to Ralph and take him back home. They are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

I am feeling kind of down today. I had a call from a friend that has been undergoing therapy for cancer yesterday. Unfortunately, it has spread and the prognosis is not good. Nobody could have fought it harder then this woman. My heart just breaks for her. I barely slept a wink last night.

However, the good news is that young Jenelle is improving by the day. She has much re-hab and surgeries ahead, but is out of the woods as far as life threatening issues.

Thinking of everyone and hoping you are coping as best as you can. I'm off to take a friend from the hospital out for lunch. She is now in remission and they are waiting to find a place to send her at this point. Too ill to go home, but not ill enough to keep her. If that makes sense

Kate

Hi Kate, sorry to hear of your friend with cancer I know what your going through as I lost my best friend of 28 years to breast cancer in 09 she fought her battle for 7 years every kind of treatment she could do, she was only 54 when she passed.,. she lived in Maryland and even when I moved to KY we still talked all the time. I really miss her.

I had read carols post so glad she got Mike home. and glad she got her yellow punch buggy, I had to go to my husbands work this morning he locked his keys in the truck..so on my way there I thought about Brian and said Brian I want to see an orange vehicle...his favorite color I don't care what kind it is just really need to know your around. well I did not see anything on my way there but coming home on the expressway I happen to look around and coming in the opposite direction was an ORANGE Garbage truck! I took off my sunglasses to be sure of what I saw yep it gave me a laugh the first thing I thought was well you wanted to make sure I saw it.... it was big enough .. I did not even know there were orange garbage trucks in KY .so he gave me a laugh today I miss him so much .

also glad to hear about Jenelle, so glad she is doing better . that was wonderful news. well have a great day Brenda

[mysonrich]

I know Trudi or Cathi will be here with more information when able. Mike has gone home. The folks on the distant shore were waiting.I wonder if he drove up with carol and Mikes son, Mike in a punch buggy? It has been a honor to know him through Carol.

Carol, my heart,prayers, huggs and support are always a click away.

[BrendaDup59]

awe how sad for Carol , my thoughts and prayers are with them. Brenda

[BrendaDup59]

did it again double post

[tobyfreefoot]

We cannot predict where we will land when tragedy befalls, all we can do is look where we are, try to stand up under the heavy pressure of grief, and plant one foot in front of the other locating where we are in this world. And when we get knocked down and fall three steps back, (and we all do), we repeat the actions we took earlier on, only our back is bent to the pressure and the lack of motivation to do it again, but we do. We do because we are still here, because we still have things to do here on Earth. We do because there are angels whose lives ended early and they would like us to stand in their light and live.

this is a beautiful sentiment dee! i will try try try to keep it in mind.

[ericasmom]

Oh Betsy, I tried to look in on the site for Mike but it would not let me in, forgot my password I guess, so I didn't know until you wrote, so thank you Dear. I agree, an honor to know him through Carol.

Dear God and Angels All, surround the Dear and PRecious Mike/Ralph, and take him through your light to bolster his energy, he is in the arms of his BELOVED SON, Mike who years ago, left in similar fashion. Let him be smiling and sailing along now, streaking through the heavens, letting Carol and Cathi and Kim and all the Grandkids know that he is fine, he better than fine. No more hurt, no such thing as hurt anymore. Blessings.

Carol, sweet Woman, you are loved from every angle. You kept your promise to your Man of a Thousand Smiles, and he was able to let go with so much more serenity. What a woman you are, what a fighter for all those you love and care for. One day you will be able to rest, really rest, restore and feel the sun again, right now you are probably working on raw energy, and we are cheering you on as you find your way.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, sometimes I need to remind my own self of this, but I truly do believe it, our lives are here even when our hearts ache.

Bless you and Everyone here.

[mikesmum]

Woke this morning to the news that Mike (Ralph) has joined his son...this from the CarePages.

I would like to share something with you, as it truly speaks to us about our perceptions of someone "leaving" us. My very dear friend Rita, wanted this printed in her Memorial booklet when she passed away in 2008. Reading this at the time brought new comfort to me in the loss of our son, Mike, two years prior. I hope it brings you all comfort. I know that you all love Mike (Ralph), as we do, and our family are all so very, very thankful for your comfort and support during these months. I know that your "staying with us" through this site brought much strength and joy to Mike. The cards you all sent over these last weeks have been a beautiful display of your love and caring...he treasured them all.

GONE FROM MY SIGHT

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side,

spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts

for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.

I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck

of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says "There, she is gone."

Gone where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast,

hull and spar as she was when she left my side.

And she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me---not her.

And just at the moment when someone says "There, she is gone,"

there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices

ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"

And that is dying...

[tobyfreefoot]

oh carol i am so sorry. i just don't understand how the world works sometimes. i guess it is not mine to know but i am so sorry you didn't get to have the additional time with your husband that you had expected. i know you made use of every second you had to make his transition love filled. i am glad you got the yellow punch buggy it surely was a sign from your son that he was on his way and would be there to give mike a long overdue hug. holding your family in my thoughts

susan--shannon's mom. you were one of the first people to greet me on this site. i just went back to the day you joined and read the list of things you experienced on or around shannon's death. phenomenal. i was sorry to see that everything has fallen apart for you. my son died about two months before your daughter. i hope you won't mind me asking but did you ever get to see shannon's face? i was only allowed to see from forest's eyes up after they had prepared him for 2 days. the rest of his face was covered. i miss him. i miss his beautiful face. i get flashes that he is really dead, or of the officer telling me or of what it was like to tell his pregnant sister and i scream NO aloud then my mind goes blank and then i just continue my day. i don't know if i am avoiding reality or what. anyway i'm sorry to see things going badly for you. you are one of my thermometers since our children died around the same time and in horrendous car accidents. i don't know where i am or how i am 'spose to continue this day after day after year after year. it seems like it will be too exhausting to keep it all at bay. anyway keep us posted. i will be thinking of you.

[daveydow1]

So very sorry to hear that Ralph has gone on to join his beloved son, angel Mike.

My sincere prayers for Carol and her entire family, who have been so brave,

and given so much support. Trudi...your post of the writing "Gone From My Sight"

has such beautiful words, and serves to remind us that our loved ones are never gone,

but have entered into their new life....free of pain, worry, and other concerns

of this earthly life. Carol.... May God bless & comfort you and your entire family

in this........your time of great sorrow.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, that is the key really, we cannot keep it at bay, and heading sraight into it is SCARY, but it will not destroy you, it will allow you to find a way, it will not be pleasant but it is the only way to the other side of things, by going through it fully. Therapy helped very much, and this amazing place. Trying to keep 'IT' at bay does not work forever, and we live kind of a half-life when we do, so eventually, when you are ready and feel more sure of your strength, you will allow your grief to take the ups and downs it does and one day you will say, " wow, this is the hardest thing to do but look, I am doing it."

[Jeff's Mom]

Ralph...you have fought a good fight and you are now at peace. God Bless you, dear man. Oh, how amazing to close your eyes and open them to see your lovely boy there for you. I'm going to miss hearing about your jokes and singing and everything that Carol shared. Carol, you have been a true inspiration to us all about what real love is about. If this group could form a circle tonight we would surround you with our arms to give you our support and love. Love and Memories never die.

Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Kate, sorry to hear of your friend with cancer I know what your going through as I lost my best friend of 28 years to breast cancer in 09 she fought her battle for 7 years every kind of treatment she could do, she was only 54 when she passed.,. she lived in Maryland and even when I moved to KY we still talked all the time. I really miss her.

I had read carols post so glad she got Mike home. and glad she got her yellow punch buggy, I had to go to my husbands work this morning he locked his keys in the truck..so on my way there I thought about Brian and said Brian I want to see an orange vehicle...his favorite color I don't care what kind it is just really need to know your around. well I did not see anything on my way there but coming home on the expressway I happen to look around and coming in the opposite direction was an ORANGE Garbage truck! I took off my sunglasses to be sure of what I saw yep it gave me a laugh the first thing I thought was well you wanted to make sure I saw it.... it was big enough .. I did not even know there were orange garbage trucks in KY .so he gave me a laugh today I miss him so much .

also glad to hear about Jenelle, so glad she is doing better . that was wonderful news. well have a great day Brenda

Thanks Brenda, I remember when our kids were small, we would play a game in the car, as we headed out on road trips. Punch Buggy's were all the rage at the time. It became a huge game to see how many one person could see in an outing. It was actually a ton of fun. The kids loved it.

I spoke with my friend today.. The news is very bad. It has spread to her other breast, lymph nodes, bone and liver. She is such a brave and strong woman. Today after the doc's visit she admitted to me for the first time that after looking after her daughter that had suffered a stroke at 34 years of age... and her husband dying a year and a half later... that she felt she had paid her dues. It is not to be at this time. The woman that I spent the day with has cancer as well. It has now spread to her brain. It took three people to lift her from her wheelchair. She looks twenty years older then she is. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Days like this bring me to my knees. I do not blame God, nor am I angry. I only try to understand why we must go through this soul searching and pain in life. Just like giving birth...sometimes the worst pain can offer the best rewards. As in happiness in another life. Or re birth into another. God Bless us all.

Kate

[summergirl]

Dear Sweet Carol.....I just arrived home from camping and heard the news of your sweet, loved Ralph....I am so very sorry for your loss - I am at a loss for words although I should have plenty but my heart is so broken for you and I know there is nothing I can say to make it easier for you...just know that I love you, hug you and send you strength...God Bless

[ericasmom]

Carol, I do hope that you will have time for some sleep, some sleep that goes deep to your heart and soul, offering you some time to restore just a bit before the many people start to stop by. If we could all be there we would, but somehow you know that.

Peace Dear One.

[hotrod]

Dear Carol

I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your wonderful Partner and Best Friend,Ralph. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[shellyku]

Dear Carol - my heart to you and your family on the passing of Mike. What a blessing

that you were able to bring him home...now he is in his eternal home with young Mike.

You and yours are in my prayers. Shelly

[tantraman8]

Dear Kate,

Sorry to hear of your friend's cancer. I too, wonder around the suffering that comes with that disease. Two years ago in April, I lost my beloved Catherine, to cancer. She was openhearted, caring, and courageous. And, it is sad and horrible to love someone and have their gateway to heaven or the next incarnation happen that way. You know, there bonds we form with those we love, are SO SACRED. "They" (whomever "they" are,) say death is an illusion. All I know (and maybe this is because the loss of Catherine was only two years ago and Josh only 4 months ago) is that I DON'T like the void that happens.

OK, enough about me. I want you to know that, in whatever way we humans can, I am sending love and support to both you and your friend. I am grateful for your light in the world and my life and just wanted you to know.

Love,

David

Carol,

Even though they classify me as "advanced" on here, I am a "newbie." I just lost my son Josh this past April, and my love/partner,Catherine, in April of 2010. I am SO GLAD he was able to come home before he passed. Catherine was too, and I believe it was a comfort for her to be in her space.

So, I know what it's like to lose a beloved. Now, and in the time that unfolds, I hope there is comfort and reassurance for you. I already know, from reading on here, that you and Ralph had a beautiful love. Add me to the "travelers on this journey" who are "holding you" in love and support.

Dear All,

I have been granted Family Medical Leave, officially starting today. What this means is that, instead of working 5 days a week and seeing 25 patients, I'm down to 4 days and 20. I feel great relief on one hand. My body and spirit have been on overload, since Josh died. But, having an additional day also feels challenging. It is another 24 hours where I am faced more starkly with the reality of not having my firstborn son, on this plane.

I am also not in a relationship, have not been ready for one since my beloved Catherine died in 2010, and now, with Josh's passing, feel like between work, and taking care of myself, there is no room for the energy it would take to do a healthy partnership. So, living alone, my surviving kids and grandchildren in Ohio, makes non-work days sometimes very challenging.

And yet, I know this extra day has the potential to be a HUGE blessing.

I want you all to know that your posts mean more to me than I can say, and there is a part of me, that wants to reply to EVERY one that I can relate too. I REALLY DO! And, driving 45 minutes each way to and from work, and seeing 25 patients ( a job I love, BTW), leaves me exhausted in the evening.....and sometimes other times as well. Maybe, part of this extra day, will be getting to interact more with all of you. Our interaction feels rich and healing to me.

One last thing (at least for this post) LOL, I have been in a number of "dark nights of the soul" in this lifetime. One thing that is clear in this one, is that I am being called to a deeper love of self and a deeper connection to "all being well", no matter how it looks on the outside. Some of holding that, it about being in THE VOID and being compassionate and loving to myself. ( I have had, in the past, a PhD in "beating myself up and being afraid of the 'next shoe falling'." AND..... THE HONESTY and courage and support of all of you on here, regardless of where you are in the grieving/healing process....is a SACRED GIFT to me. If you read this......read these words YOU ARE A SACRED GIFT.

I'm know, my body and spirit has more deep sadness and the adrenaline of the trauma of losing one of my babies, that needs to be felt and released. AND....I believe I am called to a joyful, peaceful, and abundant life. You all are holding my hand as I'm moving toward, and learning this. THANK YOU..

Love,

David

[Susie_q512]

Carol,

Many prayers are being lifted for you during this time. I admire the relationship and love that you shared with your husband.....what an incredible and beautiful example of love and commitment was witnessed here on these pages. I have and will continue to hold you close through the space of time that stretches before you. May you find comfort in the love you two shared and peace in knowing of the joyous reunion of father and son.

Susan

[Susie_q512]

Gretchen - thank you for your kind words. Yes, I was able to see Shannon's face, and for that, I am ever thankful. She sustained injuries to the back/right side of her head, her aorta was transected, and she had injury to her chest and right arm. She was buried in a long sleeve shirt that covered the injuries to her upper body. Fortunately, the head injuries could be hidden also. I remember seeing her in her pink casket and thinking, "She looks like Sleeping Beauty." Had she not been in a casket, in a funeral home, and cold, one would have assumed she was just sleeping or resting peacefully. I was and am thankful for that, but it made it difficult for me to rationalize her injuries being severe enough to have caused immediate death. I, too, have flashbacks that slay me. I usually say, "Oh my God!", as the reality tries to makes it's way into my fortress of disbelief and denial. I still very much struggle with the harsh reality....it is simply too much for me to absorb, and I am uncertain that I will ever be ready or willing to face it. I fear I will crumble....that I will forever be lost and in that state of screaming, raging sorrow.....so I too keep it at bay. I am absolutely miserable, and the future seems pointless cause she will never be there....so, I am ever being tossed between the extremes. I often wish that I were stronger and more optimistic, but I'm not....not at this point. Thanks for posting to me. Take care!

Susan

[Jeff's Mom]

Dearest Carol, some people touch the lives of others by showing their open heart...the joy they bring...and the concern and friendship they share. Your family and journey has touched the lives of many on this site and everywhere you have gone. Your wonderful, sweet man is missed already by us all! Take care, my friend. God Bless you and your family.

Kate

[daveydow1]

Kate-----So very sorry to hear that your dear friend's cancer has spread, and

become more acute. It is a very sad thing to see a dear friend suffer. My

friend of many years, Maggie, died of breast cancer several years ago. She

was so sweet and brave too. She also had metastatic breast cancer which

went into her whole body. We spoke, and I told her how sorry I was. She

said that she had lived a good life, and had accepted her iminent death.

She was never bitter, even though she had not been treated well by her

husband, who was an abusive drunkard. ( He died several years before she

passed....after their divorce.) Her 3 daughters were the light

of her life, and they adored her and took care of her to the end. We were

friends ever since we were little girls. I miss her. Sending prayers for your friend.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL IN THE INDIGO FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry and Kate, I am sorry for the illness that caused and is causing more loss.

Susan, it is good to see your Beautiful Daughter's face today, to see that you are here. Susan, I do think that you are facing your grief, you acknowledge the absolute pain of not being able to have Shannon here anymore, and you say that you fear you will crumble but you admit that you are miserable and can't help but wonder what the point is. I think that feeling miserable and wondering what the point is-- is crumbling, we all crumble in one way or another. We crumble and break and we wake up anyway so we crumble some more long periods of time, months and sometimes years, and one day , you crumble less, not cause you miss Shannon less or love her less, you just find some energy to do something in addition to crumbling. It is a long long process, being optimistic is not even possible at this point, and no need. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel is facing grief.

David, I think that finding ways to allow yourself some time and a bit less responsibility is a great way to honor the path of grief. Yes, days without 12 hours of activities are hard to face, so much time to think, to weed through the images and the ache, but it will be time too, for you to have some quiet, some sleep perhaps, and yes, more time here as it is such a life-vest to us all especially the first and second year. Staying afloat is good.