Loss of a Teenager

[tanmanmymagicman]

You put alot of love, devotation and talent in your son's site;  I wish I had that kind of talent to honor my son.  My son was also born in 1990 and died in 2007; No one gets it that I will never be the same; No one can understand if they lost their child tomorrow; HOW WOULD THEY LIVE????? I can't believe I have made it this long.  I don't post too much; but read the posts everyday.  This is a great group.  I wish I was closer to everyone.  Thank you for sharing your awesome son.......

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama; Bless you;

[tanmanmymagicman]

You put alot of love, devotation and talent in your son's site;  I wish I had that kind of talent to honor my son.  My son was also born in 1990 and died in 2007; No one gets it that I will never be the same; No one can understand if they lost their child tomorrow; HOW WOULD THEY LIVE????? I can't believe I have made it this long.  I don't post too much; but read the posts everyday.  This is a great group.  I wish I was closer to everyone.  Thank you for sharing your awesome son.......

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama; Bless you;

[tanmanmymagicman]

You put alot of love, devotation and talent in your son's site;  I wish I had that kind of talent to honor my son.  My son was also born in 1990 and died in 2007; No one gets it that I will never be the same; No one can understand if they lost their child tomorrow; HOW WOULD THEY LIVE????? I can't believe I have made it this long.  I don't post too much; but read the posts everyday.  This is a great group.  I wish I was closer to everyone.  Thank you for sharing your awesome son.......

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama; Bless you;

[tanmanmymagicman]

I don't know my post posted like 7 times and now I still have 3 can't seem to delete; I am tired and cranky and tomorrow is another day of a new life without my Tanner.

sorry for all the darn posts!!!!!guess I can't say I don't post anymore........ Just post the same one 7 times......Hugs and warm hearts tomorrow.

[iansmom]

To Cindy; Tanner's Mama, don't worry about it, I'm just glad you're posting. As you can see with my numbers I don't post much either. I guess it's why I was having so much trouble with the pictures. I was getting aggravated because they were too big then came out too small. I got two right, but I would have liked to have done this in a way that it wouldn't take up too much space. I did it once before but can't remember how, lol.

Three years must seem like forever down the road to those of you that haven't crossed one year yet. Well it did for me. It's hard for me to comprehend 14 years like Gerry has experienced . Our loss still seems like yesterday. This is a life sentence for us. Though I'm hoping in time that I can work out both new worlds. The world I live in with the loss of our beautiful son, and the world I live in where nobody knows about our great loss. I've not been successful as of yet.

[mattsmum]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Faith

I am thinking of you and your family during this most difficult anniversary.  I am not even to one year yet and I see from you and others that it just does not seem to get any easier.

I am happy you have a place to go to remember your son.  We do not have a grave plot/ mosuleum (sp) or anything.  I have his ashes with me, because if I could not protect him in Life, I was sure going to protect him in death.

We all give you a virtual hug.

Colleen,  Brian's Mother Forever

Colleen,

None of us could protect our sons/daughters - we so wish we could.  My son had signs of cancer 6 months before we decided to do anything about it.  I just put it down to his love of Karate - my son was losing weight, had a lump on his arm and I did nothing.  To this day, I carry that guilt with me - but I don't punish myself anymore.  The guilt will never go, because as mums, we expect to be able to protect our children from anything - and we just cannot do that.

You loved Brian with an undying love - if you could have saved him, you would have saved him - but we can only do what humanbeings do, our best. 

Brian understands that - and as far as I know, there is no remorse, no bitterness after death, just perfect happiness and joy - which hopefully we will share with our kids one day.

Hugs

Gerry x

[mattsmum]

[user=19267]davidsmom[/user] wrote:

16 months today without my beloved David, and my heart aches just as much as it did a year ago.....I doubt this aching loneliness will ever subside. Life just seems to drag on...with me as a zombie-like shell of the woman I once was.

Loving David always.....

Lisa

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

I am so sorry for your loss, I so understand your ache, your wanting to hold and touch your child.  The pain does soften as the years pass, but the missing never goes but you learn to live with that missing, and believe it or not, you find happiness again without your child.  But they stay in a very special place in your heart - you will always have black days, I still do, 14 years on, but there are also happy memories that make me smile.

David will always be your child, your special missing child who has grabbed a huge part of your heart.  Speak his name each day, as if he is still there.  Have hope that he will send you special signs, because they do and be assured that one day, you will be reunited and find eternal joy with your beloved son.

Gerry x

[shorty16]

To all my BI friends

Gerry said "Speak his name"

I so miss hearing the name "Brian"  Sometimes I find myself just repeating his name over and over again, because I miss hearing it.  I always loved the name Brian and to me that one name is Music to my ears

Brian, Brian, how I miss you every second of every day.  I miss you making me laugh, I even miss when you do things no so great. You would have been a Senior in HS this year - BIG DOG.  You will always be my BIG DOG

I am a forever Fractured person hoping to put my heart together so I can go on.

You sure hit it right on the head with me Gerry.  I will SPEAK HIS NAME - BRIAN

Colleen, Brian's Mother forever

[tanmanmymagicman]

Colleen; hope I spelled your name right. 

I am having a computer guy come to my house tomorrow so I can figure out how to post pictures and do different things with my computer and just have it check it all out.  this was Tanner's computer so I do not want him to delete anything that was his.  But I am starting a Mobil notary service and I need to find out if I have the right printer, equipment; etc.  More pictures and more posts soon.

My Tanner, tons of friends like your Brian.  ALWAYS the most popular boy is school I guess cause he was so carefree, happy, funny and always getting in trouble with the teachers but then he would win them over by saying her Mrs ......... you know I am your favorite student.  My son was fearless like yours;  But......that was Tanner.  He did some crazy things that I was not aware of.  I have been told by a counselor that everything you want your child to learn and know as far as right and wrong they learn by the age of 12; so Tanner was 16; he knew better than to drive crazy with no seatbelt but being a crazy young kid; ya know; IT BREAKS MY HEART!!!!!!  Sorry for the sideways picture; I worked for an hr. last night trying to fix it ; tomorrow I will have a lot;  I love all the awesome pictures that parents are able to put up.....blessings; Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama(that's what he called me) Mama Gama; Hey Mama Gama how come your so pretty?????? oh how I miss him...I feel your exact pain........no escaping

 

[davidsmom]

Thanks to all for your kind messages, and remember my love and thoughts also go out to each of you. Its such a lonely place we are in, and I find myself wanting to shout from the rooftops, REMEMBER MY DAVID! Its always in my mind, in my heart, and this is one of the few places i can talk about it, and actually speak his name....

David's Mama

Lisa

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

[mattsmum]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

To all my BI friends

Gerry said "Speak his name"

I so miss hearing the name "Brian"  Sometimes I find myself just repeating his name over and over again, because I miss hearing it.  I always loved the name Brian and to me that one name is Music to my ears

Brian, Brian, how I miss you every second of every day.  I miss you making me laugh, I even miss when you do things no so great. You would have been a Senior in HS this year - BIG DOG.  You will always be my BIG DOG

I am a forever Fractured person hoping to put my heart together so I can go on.

You sure hit it right on the head with me Gerry.  I will SPEAK HIS NAME - BRIAN

Colleen, Brian's Mother forever

Colleen, my dear friend, Brian is a beautiful name - Bryan Adams is one of my favourite male artists - I love the song 'Heaven' - it makes me cry.

Speak Brian's name each day, it keeps them so alive - I talk about Matt to my grandchildren as if he is here.  I say 'Matt would have loved this film.' when we are watching a favourite DVD. 

Just before he died, he was interviewed in hospital for the BBC - he was talking about his cancer and treatment.  A dear friend taped it for me, and when I am brave, I put the tape on and listen to his banter.  In one part he is talking about his 'chest' with all the pen markers on it for his radiotherapy - and he makes a joke about 'all the girls wanting to see his chest.'  I cried, he never ever had a girl friend that is the saddest thing to me.  But he does make me smile and nowadays I have lots of smiles, although today I have had quite a few tears.  You know how it goes....

Gerry x

[iansmom]

This is a pic of Ian with the red fish he caught and his little brother standing behind him. This was their favorite thing to do. This canal leads to the bay which leads to the gulf of mexico. Right between the bay and the gulf is a place we call marsh island. Awesome place to fish.

Ian's big catch.......Iansmom, Faith

[mattsmum]

[user=15923]iansmom[/user] wrote:

This is a pic of Ian with the red fish he caught and his little brother standing behind him. This was their favorite thing to do. This canal leads to the bay which leads to the gulf of mexico. Right between the bay and the gulf is a place we call marsh island. Awesome place to fish.

Ian's big catch.......Iansmom, Faith

Faith what beautiful boys you have and the size of that fish, my son would have been so green!!!  Matt loved fishing as well - but over here in the UK fish just don't grow so big.

Gerry x

[iansmom]

Thanks Gerry, I think so too, but your's is quite the handsome one too. Ian and Samuel were 21 months apart but just as soon been twins the way they were. They had their own bed rooms but would visit each others room to watch t.v. or play games and would knock out right there. Samuel has just gotten to the point where I don't fear for his life for his grief. His big brother Christian took him in tow and he's doing much better. Christian and his family moved to Fort Worth, Tx. and decided it was time for baby brother to get away from the constant reminder that Ian was no longer with us. This whole thing has turned our world upside down, never to be the same ever again. My family, my beautiful family is now torn apart. I've gotta go...

 

Iansmom, Faith

[mattsmum]

[user=15923]iansmom[/user] wrote:

Thanks Gerry, I think so too, but your's is quite the handsome one too. Ian and Samuel were 21 months apart but just as soon been twins the way they were. They had their own bed rooms but would visit each others room to watch t.v. or play games and would knock out right there. Samuel has just gotten to the point where I don't fear for his life for his grief. His big brother Christian took him in tow and he's doing much better. Christian and his family moved to Fort Worth, Tx. and decided it was time for baby brother to get away from the constant reminder that Ian was no longer with us. This whole thing has turned our world upside down, never to be the same ever again. My family, my beautiful family is now torn apart. I've gotta go...

 

Iansmom, Faith

Faith, look at that smile, it lights up his face, bless him. 

I know what you mean by 'family torn apart.'  Slowly that tear mends, little tiny stitches of love and healing - but it is always fragile and can tear again - so it's best to treat it with kindness and gentleness.

Ian will never be far away - they linger when the going is tough and bring a sense of peace and reassurance, when they are near to us. 

Hugs

Gerry x

[DawnFisher]

 

A poem for Colleen - Brian's Mom

My Child's Name

The mention of my Child's name

May bring tears to my eyes,

But never fails to bring

Music to my ears.

If you are really my friend,

Let me hear the beautiful

Music of his name.

It soothes my broken heart

And sings to my soul.

Author Unknown

[shorty16]

Thanks Dawn

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Kelly]

Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

[no40corysmom]

We are approaching our one-year anniversary date, and I am not looking forward to it.  Does anybody have suggestions on getting through this day?

[annie6]

Dear Cory's Mom,

I am sad to think of another mother out there grieving over a beautiful boy gone from her life. I am so sorry and send you love and understanding.

We too have lost a son, my only son--by best buddy in this world. On June 17th it will be two years, so I've been through at least one anniversary and am coming up on the second. I still think about Gavin many times during every day, but I do that with my living daughter, too. That's just what mom's do, isn't it?

As far as anniversaries go, this is what I've learned: At first, we are aware of how many days it' been since they left us, then as time moves on, our awareness of 'that' date stretches out to weeks. More time passes, and I find I'm still aware of the 17th of every month, and try to go a little easier on myself, take a little more time to remember that I'm still healing and acknowledge that. Anniversaries are important. They give me time to remember to honor myself as someone who has experienced a great loss.

On the one year anniversary of Gav's death, we made sure that my daughter, his sister, was visiting with her husband and little boys. We had lots of pictures of him out and we talked about things that he loved and the things that we loved about him. We shared a good meal. We had a family prayer. I had a big bouquet of balloons and we took them out into the front yard and whispered messages 'for Unkie' into them, one at a time, and then released them and watched them float up to heaven. (I know, environmentally stupid--but it's what we needed to do, so I released them with prayers that no creatures would be hurt.) As I watched each grandson whisper his messages into his balloon and send it heavenward, I felt a little more of my pain release. It was good to hear them speak his name and to realize that as we continued to do these types of mini-memorials with them, his memory would live on in their hearts.

I just recently lost my brother Bart, the other 'Golden Boy' in my life. His birthday is coming up on the 21st of this month. His widow and I are going to fly over to Hawaii to share this time together. We plan to visit the bay where my Bart and Gavin anchored before they sailed together to the mainland. We plan to picnic on the beach there and find a beautiful spot to throw a couple of leis into the ocean. We'll sing Happy Birthday and have cake and let our little grandsons blow out the candles. We'll do these things because they're uniquely significant to both Gavin and Bart's lives--and to us. I told my sis that she can cry all day if that's what she feels like doing. Nobody's going to hurry her, judge her, or tell her that "Bart wouldn't want you to cry." (I think that kind of talk is BS. Sorry, but I know Bart would want her to heal, and when we lose someone, tears are a part of healing.)

Anyway, these are the kinds of things I've found to be helpful. You'll find your own--those things that will be significant to your love for Cory. But I encourage you to use the day to celebrate his live on that day. The kinds of things that will act as meaningful reminders to those of you who love him that Cory lives on in your hearts, that he will NOT be forgotten, that it's OK to speak his name and remember his life. And it's OK to cry when you need to.

Now just one more that I need to post for me. On Saturday, more than 18 months since Gav's death, we finally cleaned out his car. We've found someone who needs it and we're giving it to her in his name. Afterwards, I stood in the laundry room and hugged a shirt that Gav had left in his trunk . . . how long ago? Long enough that his smell was missing. I searched for it, buried my face in that shirt, tried to imagine it there. It wasn't. But I did feel him in the thin, smooth cotton against my cheek, and I held it tight to my chest and cried--hot, yearning tears. I don't resist them when they come. In many ways, they're part of what I have left of my boy, and it's good to feel them on my face, taste their salt on my lips.

If, as a fellow grieving mother, I could leave you with one message it would be this: Your longing for Cory won't ever leave you. You're going to learn to accommodate it and 'live around' it, but it will stay with you until the day you die and the two of you can hold each other again. Not everyone around you will understand this. That's OK. Hopefully they won't ever get their turn to understand. But for you, it's important that you to know that it will always be there. And that doesn't mean that you're weird or deficient in any way-- You're simply (and significantly) a mother who has lost a child. Anniversaries will come and go. Some will be harder than others. You'll learn to have joys--even though you still miss him, and you'll learn to get on with a good life--even while you still miss him. But please, always give yourself permission to do those things that honor this truth: He is your son, and he is gone, and you miss him. And its right that you do.

Hope some of this helps a little. I'll keep you in my prayers. I know I couldn't do any of this without the Lord.

Love,

Annie, Gavin's Mom

[shorty16]

Dear Cory and Gavin's Mom

I also post on this site and the site for Adult children lost.  My son was 16 when he died.  Not a day, hour, minute goes by when I do not think of him.

Annie, what a great post.  I love it.  I also plan on releasing balloons, but I would like to do it on Brian's 18th birthday (7-12), not on the anniversary of his angel date (6-19).  The angel date was thrust upon me and I hate it.  Annie I can also relate to your 17th of every month.  Mine is the 19th of every month.  All I can think of is the last time Brian walked out of our house, never to return.

Cory's Mom, I have no words of wisdon, I too am approaching our 1 year, but try not to think that far ahead.

Two of Brian's friends stopped over at our house last night.  Even though I love to see them, it hurts SOOOOO bad to see them grow.  Brian would have graduated HS this year.  We plan on getting out of dodge that weekend.  The school asked if we were going to be at the graduation to accept Brian's diploma?  I told her that we are still in too much pain to sit through 650 graduates.  Mail it to me.

We as Mom's of teenagers have a tough job and I have a 15 year old son that I watch like a hawk.  I almost feel bad for him, but I cannot help it.

Cory's Mom, do what you want on that day.  Take a walk, listen to music, sleep all day.

Annie, what words of wisdom, thank you

Colleen, Brian's Mother forever

[mpsmom]

Cory and Gavin's Moms,    Please join us on loss of an adult child, we seem to have all migrated there, I lost my only child, my daughter Bethany on September 20, 2008.  We have not reached our 'angel date' yet, I don't know what or how I will be.  Bethany was 17.5 when she died of sudden heart death.  We miss her terribly, but I have found good friends here who understand more than anyone besides my husband how I feel.  I am sorry to have to say to you "WELCOME" .

Warm Hugs, Marcia    Bethany's Mom Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Joey's departure date and birth date are within 7 days of each other. It's one of the hardest calendar weeks of the year for me. I don't plan anything. It tends to relieve some of the anxiety, but none of the sadness. I usually end up sitting in a circle of his things, touching everything, talking to him as if he were here, and using a little of his lip balm (for a kiss). I've also sat outside by myself, with tears, while I blow soap bubbles for however long I feel like it and watch them float up towards the heavens... I don't think there is any perfect way to celebrate, because the best of celebrations would include him tangibly here, with me. I agree. Do whatever your heart desires in the moment. No matter how big or small, it will be between you and Cory, and that will be enough.

[iansmom]

I'm sorry to hear about your crossing day, to know all the time that's gone past without seeing your loved one, feeling that loving embrace. I even miss the sweaty ones that Ian gave after playing basket ball, or what ever game was on for the day. All those small things become big because we miss them so much.

All I can say is what we did for the one year crossing. (I hate calling it an anniversary-but that's just me) We had a candle light vigil with all our friends and the friends and family of the other two that were lost that night. We prepared a music background. Family members that wanted to share their heart before everyone had a chance to speak on a mic (because the crowd was so big) of there memories, Ian’s life time friend sang acapella 'Friends', friends are friends forever.... we had prayer time and near the end we released balloons sending messages of how much they are missed and loved. It was a huge crowd that took up a block in a small town. The TV cameras and several newspapers came out to cover the story. When I started this I had no idea it would get so big, I thought it would be small and intimate but when word got out, that was it. Because the accident landed on a small town monument that recognized the towns founders we were not allowed to put crosses there to stay but a small business allowed us to put our crosses in front of their business after everything was done. All the flowers and posters were allowed to stay there for a while. From time to time I lay a rose or sprinkle rose petals on the spot that Ian took his last breath, but that was the first night I could sit there since the accident.

I don't know if this is something you could do - not knowing your circumstance but maybe it will give you an idea of something you can do. All I know is that there's no way I can be still on that day, every year I feel I must do something to honor my son, these last two crossings I went to his favorite fishing spots to throw flowers on the water, watch the sunset, and take pic.s to honor his memory, and the last day we had with him. I know to some it sounds silly, or carring it too far but this is how I work things out for me and my family. 

Once again I'm sorry you're having to go through all this, it's an experience we could all do without. Be Blessed, Ian's mom....Faith

[tanmanmymagicman]

Cory's Mom; I was just thinking about that today.  My Tanner has been gone 20 months; I think everyone feels and thinks different.  I know I was not feeling anything but pain my heart ached and nausea and anxiety that day.  I did it to myself; so be forwarded maybe you can take better care of yourself than I did. 

This year I was thinking today; I will light my Angel Candle; someone got it for me its a Yankee Candle ; I lit it last year and this year and will put it out in front of our house and leave it lit all night.  Other than that I am hoping we can just lay low and not focus on the day he left us;   Anyway this is just what I am hoping for this year.  I can honestly say I still do not have any control over my emotions and since I have never experienced  this biggest loss of my life;

I can say though that my husband is doing great; he is able to visit the cemetery go to basketball games where my son played; he even coached a basketball team this year with my daughter.  BUT he still cannot look at a picture of Tanner.......... We take care of each other and I hear about death destroying marriages and I can see how that could happen; but in our case ; we really need each other;  those first few days after the accident I could hear my husband sobbing and throwing up in the backyard and I was scared and numb and I just wanted to honestly die; So we have come a long ways in 20 months;  You will always , always, miss your son; I still find it surreal; but we go on living; and laughing ; my husband makes fun of me a lot; I am kinda losing it and forgetful so he makes jokes about it........I cry and he pats my shoulder and tells me about all his faith and that we will see Tanner again....... Praise God for giving him so much faith;  I always felt special in the eyes of the Lord; I went to church as a child and he came over me one Sunday morning.  I will never forget it.  Time went on ; I got married; working; kids; stopped going to church; but I still thought I was always special ; now I question that????? Tanner was 16 ; he was feeling his oats times 2; giving me a run for all I was worth; I asked God"why did you give me a child like this at my age?" then within months my child was gone........so sometimes I feel like I asked God to take him.....I know all parents probably feel that way sometimes but I was 53 and working full time; my husband and I were separated; my loving mother passed away unexpectedly; and then there was my Tanner; I could not keep up with him...........But my goodness I would of died for him.  I hope I am making sense; I just can't sleep as usual and thought I would add to the 1 year.  Just be good to yourself;  That's my goal for the 2nd Anniversary in August.  Tanner died the day after my birthday;................Heartfelt Blessings; Cindy; Tanner's mom 

[Kelly]

The family and friends of Beyond Indigo would like let everyone know that Dawn Fisher (moderator of the Beyond Indigo message boards) lost her husband on Wednesday morning.  JD's death was an unexpected complication of surgery to remove a tumor.  Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Dawn and her children.  We know that there is no better place for Dawn to receive support than through these boards.

The online obituary for JD is here: http://fisherfamilyfuneralhomes.com/obits/obituaries.php/obitID/307941

If you'd like to send her condolences, you could send her a private message on the boards, visit the above obituary and sign the guest book (starting on Friday) or send materials to

Fisher Funeral Chapel & Cremation Services

1801 Chase Road

Logansport, IN 46947

[tanmanmymagicman]

OH MY; Loss is in everyone's life; no escaping it; Heartfelt blessings to Dawn who has done so much for all of us....................Hugs; Cindy; Tanner's Mom

[mikesmum]

I came to this site 2yrs ago and many many of you here helped me overcome a grief that saw me dying from the inside out...I would love to meet with you and share our stories, our healings this coming August.

Be involved in actively evolving the support and care that comes from this site so that we may take it with us and make that difference in many ways in the many corners of the globe.......

Click on the FIND OUT MORE! Contact Kelly if you need more.

Take Care - Trudi

[iansmom]

I didn't find this site till 9 months after our loss. I was functioning on reserve for the longest. I had nobody to talk to that understood how I was feeling. Allen took the easy way out by taking a job that kept him away for 3 or 4 months and even when we did talk I would have to pick up the pieces from his falling apart so I learned to not say anything unless I was willing to pick up the pieces. I came on here and vented some, told the whole grueling story and felt some relief, finally. And met some wonderful people who had stories of their own to tell. For some reason, listening to others stories, viewing their virtual memorials and how wonderful their loss loves were, helped me gain a new and better grip on myself because I too was on that slippery slope. I wish I could go but it's beyond my reach. Ya'll have a grand time, it sounds like a lot of fun. Just make sure ya'll come back on here and tell me all about it. Be Blessed.

I miss you Ian, you're always on my mind. Iansmom, Faith

[azsummer2003]

Oh Meredith,

You are allowed to get as angry and sorrowful as you would like!  Jeff was your only one????  I cannot imagine.  My son Taylor did a stupid thing too - he tried to walk down a path to go fishing and fell and hit his head and then fell into the water and drown.  Teens sometimes just do really stupid things.

Taylor was my only son and I have one child left, a daughter who is feircely independent and 18. 

Of course you are suffering from PTS!  What happened to you is frightful! Who would have ever expected that your son would be dead?!  I hope you are doing better now.

Lori B

www.TaylorBurgstahler.memory-of.com      Turn on your speakers and bring the tissues!

[azsummer2003]

That is so very sad.  I hope I leave my husband before he dies.  It must be so difficult to be going through what Dawn is going through now.

I will find out if my breast cancer is back next week.  In a very sick way I hope it is.  I know, I know....

www.TaylorBurgstahler.memory-of.com

[tanmanmymagicman]

Hi its, Cindy; Tanner's mom; I just want to tell all of you a story:

Well I attended  a 8 week Griefshare program at a local church here in town; Um the program/movie; I honestly did not get much out of; BUT what I did get out of it was the fellowship of the other people there even though I was the only one that had lost a child; mostly they lost husbands or wives;  Well anyway I met this so very nice lady she was 76 and lost her husband just weeks before;  Now this woman was feeble looking but she was sharp as a tack and smart as a tack and I sat by her every week and we became good friends.  This woman had be in charge of nursing for years at our local hospital and was very well respected also.......

After the griefshare program was over with I stayed in touch with her as her children did not live around here and It felt good to visit; she was always so happy to see me...... OK; again I said she appeared feeble but strong in the same token; like she had no heath problems and when I would call her or visit I would always ask her how are you? and she ALWAYS said "OH PRETTY GOOD" and I always thought to myself she sure misses her husband as she still cried when she talked about him; but it seemed like she would live forever;

SHE FOOLED ME; she did not want anyone to worry but she did not want to be alone without her husband; I think she stopped eating and her neighbor found her weak on the floor and they took her to the hospital where she had a heart attack and a do not recisitate on file... She knew what she was doing.... She died 2 weeks ago at 77.

So what I learned from her is she was strong to the end; but in the end knew she had lived her life and knew she could not live without her husband so she left to be with him........I just wanted to share this with you all......... She taught me a great lesson on living life; and choosing to live life;  I understand what she did totally;

Her name was Evelyn Darr; I will miss her...... warm heartfelt hugs to everyone of you here; you guys Rock!!!!! Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama

[no40corysmom]

Well, I have gotten through the first angel date anniversary........it was rough, I'm not going to kid about it.  But then, I planned to let myself be a wreck...I've been holding up (for the most part) on a daily basis..I wanted to take this date, and just focus on Cory and grieve him and miss him..  I must say, I did a very find job of it !! 

Now....I am focusing on my daughter's wedding which is in just one week.......I'm not sure how I 'll get through it.....being joyful and happy when one is significantly missing.......I'm just going to keep on focusting on Claudia's visual of the wedding feast to come, with our Lord....where we will ALL be together !

I just want to say thanks to so many of you for thoughtful comments and suggestions as I continue to limp along this road I would never have chosen to be on...I've been shattered at the weakest link of my being.   I don't know how I manage to keep going forward except that the Lord is carrying me, or has sent legions of angels to keep me propped up!!

God bless you all ~

Julie

[4everjoeysmom]

Julie--I'm there with you, praying you through it all. PLEASE fill me in on how you get through and on the wedding when it quiets down. I'll be doing the same in October, and it's good to have a friend who "knows" th every thing I am feeling right now too. Love ya! Cory's proud!!

[iansmom]

Hi Claudia, I miss talking to you. I hope everything is going well out there. This must be a beautiful time of year there.

These past 3 years because of our loss and of course because our son Samuel had taken things so very hard that we were in fear every time the phone rang or someone was at the door, our heart would be in our throat that it was possible that our son Samuel may have gone too far, in fact every time we heard a siren our hearts would rapid pulse nearly our of our chest wondering, praying that it wasn't our son Samuel. Allen and I would scramble for our cell phones to call our kids phones just to make sure it wasn't them (mostly Samuel because he didn't care, was doing dumb stuff)

Finally a couple months ago I had had enough, it was killing me. I needed to do something and the opportunity came when our oldest son Christian was transferred to Fort Worth Tx. so I decided that Samuel needed to go too. Christian and his wife Andrea agreed, made some stipulations, some tough ones but Samuel agreed. YES!. He's there 2 months now, no job yet but we're getting our Sammy back. I know, don't relax too much. I stay in prayer but it is such a relief .... geez I can't tell you how much. But during all these 3 years the stress has laid a ton of weight on me so I'm now pushing weights :? at a near by gym, with an instructor. This takes up time because it wears me out lol.

I still have my down time when I miss Ian so much that I close myself away from the world and just have a good cry frenzy then I pick myself up and move on. Claudia, thank you for being there when I needed someone on that same spiritual level, you are a God send. Thanks.

Iansmom, Faith

[mikesmum]

This site has given so much not only when we struggle with the loss of our kids but the ripple effect that our grief has on our families.  No matter what the problem or how hard it is to talk about, BI and those here find the time to support each other.

Its unique in the way that no one needs to explain their feelings, their heart break their disbelief at losing their child - everyone here gets it!

While I post mainly on the Loss of an Adult site, I found myself many times here as the stories resonate with the life I now live - a life so totally different from the one I once had.........Like so many others here....

For those still on the fence about August - this is some of the info you may or may not have had the chance to see.  I know the economics and timing will always play a part in the decision making, but I hope that many of you will see this as a opportunity to find yet another place to enable you to heal, grow and share your children with those who have come to know you (many more than your own families)!

Take care -

http://beyondindigo.com/reunion/schedule.html

http://beyondindigo.com/reunion/bios.html

http://www.rhccmeetings.com/

We have four weeks left before we decide if we are holding the Beyond Indigo reunion. We still need people to sign up to reach the magic 25 number!! If you are waiting to see if you can come please let me know at Kelly@beyondindigo.com and we will put you on the tentative list. If you a wee bit concerned about finances please email us and we can work out a payment plan for you.

[iansmom]

Shyra was the one with me this year as we walked through yet another birthday without the guest of honor:(. Allen is working up in Pennsylvania, Christian and his family as well as Samuel have all moved to Fort Worth Tx. so we all walked a different walk this year. Christian and Andrea brought the kids to the Crab Shack to celebrate their uncle Ian's birthday, it helped to dry the tears. They remember their uncle well for being so young, but he was with them every day.

It's still hard, and on 3/2/10 it'll be 4 years, it still makes my head spin when I think of the time that's gone by without our beloved Ian. I miss you Ian oh so very much. mom

Happy Birthday Ian Allen James Brasseaux. You'd be 22 now. There are no words that can explain how I feel today, you live on in my heart and in my memories but ooooh, how I miss your sweaty hugs after you'd play a hard game of basketball, football or whatever game. I always pretended to be disgusted, but I honestly loved it. I miss you so extremely much Ian.

[hotsauce]

FAITH,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO YOUR SON

IAN ALLEN JAMES BRASSEAUX

 

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[hotrod]

Dear Faith

I too would like to wish Ian a very Happy Birthday  I understand your pain and the missing. 

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[tanmanmymagicman]

Happy Birthday Ian;  Let your mom feel that hug around the neck;  I could sure use one but I would never want to let go......Blessings; Tanner's Mom Cindy

[annie6]

Happy, Happy Happy Birthday to Ian.

It looks like there are lots of people here on Earth still loving you, Ian.

Especially your devoted Mom, Faith.

I hope you'll come close and let her feel how your love for her continues to run strong in your heart.

Faith-

I'll say a little prayer for you tonight. It's still hard--no matter how many years go by, isn't it? Know that there are other moms out here who cry with you and understand the loneliness you feel.

Much love and support,

Annie

[mikesmum]

Faith - thinking of you as you count in earth time another year.  'Forever young' Ian will be - never forgotten. Trudi

[iansmom]

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart for all the birthday wishes and for the prayer support. You know as well as I do how important that is. Again, thanks

Here's to loving you Ian, Mom (Faith)

[4everjoeysmom]

Happy Birthday Ian!! I can just imagine you celebrating in Heaven, but oh how your mama misses YOU!!! xoxoxo

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

[cpizzoli]

I lost my 15 year old golden child Nicholas on September 9th after a boating accident. I don't know how to go on. I need to stay strong for his brother (17) and sister (20) but it is so hard. He was smart, funny, beautiful, athletically gifted, and my heart is breaking for all of the things he will never be able to experience. I don't know how I can ever be unsad again. I love him and miss him so much. Just need some advice on how to get through the days, months, and years to come. Never thought I would be here. Help me

[shorty16]

Nicksmother

You are in the right place and I am soooo sorry for your loss. Our 16 year old, Brian died in a completely preventable car crash on 6-19-08.

You are so new. Every second of every moment of every hour of every day is spent thinking about your son. The beginning is really hard. I am 2 years into my loss and the physical pain does subside. We are all here, because we lost a child.

I post under the link of Loss of an Adult Child. Even though Brian was not an adult, I am accepted without question.

After Brians death, I took 5 weeks off of work, my husband took 4. I went back to work 32 hours a week for over a year. Now I am back full time. Each person is different, I am just letting you know what I did. Work did help me to channel my brain away from my son's death.

Please tell us about Nick. My Brian was a funny, athletic (he was a wrestler), not too good in school, but a ton of friends. Brian died 1 week after his junior year in HS. His older sister (now 20) had just graduated from HS and his younger brother (17 next month) was only 14 at the time. Sounds like our kids are the same ages.

We bought a very large punching bag for the basement. Our youngest son was destroying other peoples property after Brian's death. They understood, but this could not continue. Now the punching bag is a regular sound in our house, by everyone.

Take care, read and post when you can.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[cpizzoli]

My Nicholas was 15 years old and was in a boat accident on labor day weekend, two days before his sophomore year was to start. Really looking forward to his 16th birthday (in January) and being able to drive. He was smart in school and a natural athlete. If he tried a sport, he exceled in it. Not just saying this because I am his mom. He just was that good and so fun to watch. Many people have told me through the years that they often find themselves watching him instead of their own kid when he is playing. His big sport was soccer. He was just pulled up to Varsity as a sophomore and played his first few games with his brother (who is a senior and also on varsity). He also loved basketball and even though one of the shorter people on the team, was the high scorer last year. He also loved water sports, tubing, wakeboarding, etc. and in the winter, snowboarding. He had beautiful blond curley hair and hypnotic blue eyes (the rest of the family is dark hair, dark eyes, so he was my little angel). We have a vacation home on the lake that we have been going to for years. He was with his stepbrother and two girls they met on the lake in a jet boat when he was ran over from behind by a fishing boat. Everyone else escaped with no injuries. The fishing boat hit him in the head. He survived following brain surgery for 3 1/2 days before dying in my arms as his lungs both just quit on him and the doctors said there was no chance for survival. He was the youngest of three. A 20 year old sister and a 17 year old brother with whom he was very close and did everything together. His brother is taking it really hard and I am trying super hard to stay strong for him. Nick was well loved, especially by the girls. He must have had every girl in high school with a crush on him. He went to the senior prom his freshman year (which I am now grateful for, although at the time wasn't) Thank god for facebook. As he lay in a coma, hundreds and hundreds of messages came in form him that I read to him hourly. He had a unique ability to make people laught and he was very compassionate. I have heard countless stories of how he encouraged kids that were less fortunate or less gifted and always had something nice to stay about everyone. One of the girls at school organized a balloon release for him on the day he died (hundreds were there) because when she was new in school as a freshman, he was the first person that came up to her in school and introduced himself and made her feel welcome. That is just the kind of person he was. The whole town has rallied around us and there were over a thousand people at his funeral. I think one of the things that makes me saddest is that he had such a zest for life and that he is going to miss out on all the things in life that he deserved, from driving, going to homecoming, graduation, college, marriage, children, etc. It just breaks my heart in a million pieces. I miss him so much! Last year we would pick out a day each week where I would drive him to school and we would stop at the local cafe and have a mocha and chat before school. It really was a special time for me. He knew how much I loved him and worried about him (and all my kids) all the time. I can hear him saying now... Mom! You always are imagining the worst ....

[ModKonnie]

My Nicholas was 15 years old and was in a boat accident on labor day weekend, two days before his sophomore year was to start. Really looking forward to his 16th birthday (in January) and being able to drive. He was smart in school and a natural athlete. If he tried a sport, he exceled in it. Not just saying this because I am his mom. He just was that good and so fun to watch. Many people have told me through the years that they often find themselves watching him instead of their own kid when he is playing. His big sport was soccer. He was just pulled up to Varsity as a sophomore and played his first few games with his brother (who is a senior and also on varsity). He also loved basketball and even though one of the shorter people on the team, was the high scorer last year. He also loved water sports, tubing, wakeboarding, etc. and in the winter, snowboarding. He had beautiful blond curley hair and hypnotic blue eyes (the rest of the family is dark hair, dark eyes, so he was my little angel). We have a vacation home on the lake that we have been going to for years. He was with his stepbrother and two girls they met on the lake in a jet boat when he was ran over from behind by a fishing boat. Everyone else escaped with no injuries. The fishing boat hit him in the head. He survived following brain surgery for 3 1/2 days before dying in my arms as his lungs both just quit on him and the doctors said there was no chance for survival. He was the youngest of three. A 20 year old sister and a 17 year old brother with whom he was very close and did everything together. His brother is taking it really hard and I am trying super hard to stay strong for him. Nick was well loved, especially by the girls. He must have had every girl in high school with a crush on him. He went to the senior prom his freshman year (which I am now grateful for, although at the time wasn't) Thank god for facebook. As he lay in a coma, hundreds and hundreds of messages came in form him that I read to him hourly. He had a unique ability to make people laught and he was very compassionate. I have heard countless stories of how he encouraged kids that were less fortunate or less gifted and always had something nice to stay about everyone. One of the girls at school organized a balloon release for him on the day he died (hundreds were there) because when she was new in school as a freshman, he was the first person that came up to her in school and introduced himself and made her feel welcome. That is just the kind of person he was. The whole town has rallied around us and there were over a thousand people at his funeral. I think one of the things that makes me saddest is that he had such a zest for life and that he is going to miss out on all the things in life that he deserved, from driving, going to homecoming, graduation, college, marriage, children, etc. It just breaks my heart in a million pieces. I miss him so much! Last year we would pick out a day each week where I would drive him to school and we would stop at the local cafe and have a mocha and chat before school. It really was a special time for me. He knew how much I loved him and worried about him (and all my kids) all the time. I can hear him saying now... Mom! You always are imagining the worst ....

Nicksmother,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Nicholassounds like a fantastic child, one any mother would be so proud of. I will offer prayers for your family in your struggles with this. There are many people here who have suffered the loss of their precious children, and they will be able to offer some guideance, support and encouragement from their own personal experiences as they travel through the grief journey.

Are you able to talk to anyone at home about this? Is your son getting some support from his friends? I lost my brother when I was a teen, so I can relate somewhat to what he is going through. It is very difficult to understand and accept a tragedy such as this at any age.

We welcome you to the forums. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

[cpizzoli]

My other son is getting support from his friends. Its hard for me to know what to do for him. He misses his brother so much, they were only 18 mths apart and did everything together. It is impossible for him to sleep in his bedroom which is right next to his brothers. I wish I could help him in some way, but we are both in so much pain it is unbearable. I try to keep him surrounded by his friends and busy but I know it isn't enough. We are both pretty lost.