Loss of an Adult Child

July 16, 2010

Bonnie, Got them today, thanks a ton.

love you,

dee

July 16, 2010

Kathy,

Don't know your exact circ**stances but .....

Rich's aunt recently had a stroke. Someone was with her and she received medical attention quickly. Once at the hospital, whe was given a "clot buster".

If this medication is rendered timely it works wonders.

She was confused, unable to talk and had paralysis. It took a few days and she is still receiving some physical therapy but her recovery has been amazing for someone her age.

So, try to have some hope.

As far as the visit, even if your Mom is confused, you will know that you went.

One of the hardest things I've done in my life was going to see my dad when he was losing his battle with prostate cancer.

I heard this one time and it made an impact on me .....

"I would rather go and regret it than not go and regret it ........"

I'm so sorry!

Colleen,

I'm sure the ad was infuriating for you to see! Sorry .......

Susannah,

I love the scripture associated with your words, "God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind." I needed to hear those today.

Dee,

The banner flags were delivered to you this morning. There's quite a story behind the shipment. I dropped them off at a local FedEx drop box and the box disappeared for a while. I had to upgrade the shipment once found to get it to you on time. That's what I get for forgetting to ship them before we went to New York!

I did not keep the "filler" flags. The moisture from all the rain last year was not kind to those ......

I'm curious what your reaction to them is ....... the delivery of each banner was emotional for me.

Each banner unique and very lovingly made by the hands of a grieving parent. Very special representations put together as a snapshot of a young life that ended way too soon.

They waved at Pinnacle Days 2009 in Virginia and they will now wave at EriFest 2010 in IL. I wonder where they will be next ......

Very cool!

I just heard that a 3.6 magnitude earthquake struck Maryland this morning. Not that far away from us ....... wow!

A couple pictures of the banner flags so that those who are new will understand:

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

July 16, 2010

Kathy-I'm so sorry about your mother's stroke. My daddy died four years ago today and at the time, he had not known us all the time for about two months. It was very hard for him to look at me and not know me or my mother or brother and sisters, but we knew who he was and that was all that mattered. I was very angry at God for letting my Daddy live long enough that I prayed for him to die, because by the end he was in hospice care and just breathing, I was afraid he was suffering. He was unconscious for the last week or so of his life. I didn't want to lose him, but he was already gone. That may not make any sense or help at all, but it is all I know about losing a parent. It must be so hard to be so far away, I hope that you can work something out.

Colleen-You tell 'em, sister. I haven't seen that commercial here in TN, but it sounds ridiculous.

Dee-When I wake up at night, I don't cry or anything usually. I just go back to sleep, but it seems when I have a night that I do it a lot, I feel more tired. Last night wasn't too bad, I only woke up once or twice. Of course sometimes I think it may be hormonal, because I sometimes feel hot when I wake up and I wonder if that was what woke me up to begin with. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm afraid the day will come soon when I am fanning all the time like my sister did a few years ago. Getting old is not for the faint of heart, and I guess we're not that or we wouldn't have made it this far. Sometimes I take a little something otc to help me sleep or melatonin, but most nights I can get to sleep. Just sometimes have trouble staying that way. How's your back, better?

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 16, 2010

Good morning, Indigo's!

A 25 yr old woman/child drowned while floating the river this week. Please pray for her family.

Colleen, That is a stupid commercial. I don't blame you for being outraged.

Bonnie, I completely forgot about the banner. My bad. That sure is a nice thing for you to do!

Kathy - I love the quote Bonnie gave, "I would rather go and regret it than not go and regret it". I didn't have a normal, healthy mother/daughter relationship with my mother. But, I was closer to her than my four older sisters. And, despite her failures, I loved her deeply. You and your family may not be at the point of having to make that drastic decision for your mother, yet......this may just be a message that the time may be coming. I was grateful to have the support of my oldest sister when I finally had to make that choice. It was the most difficult decision of my adult life thus far. I am grateful I was there, alone, holding her as she took her last breath. It seemed appropriate that I would be the one.

However, my sisters and I have a warped sense of humor. We found my mother's lack of memory intertaining. My mother had a foul mouth and the spirit of a pit bull. She stood about 5 ft and weighed all of 90 lbs. She reverted back to her street fighting days when her dementia took over. Before her dementia took over she would get grounded from the senior center for a couple of weeks at a time for fighting. The hospital actually took her to court and got a restraining order against her. She could only enter if she was a patient. She finally got kicked out of the nursing home after a year of fighting. My older sister found a home near her that allowed her a little more freedom.

She didn't know who I was (save for a few, rare moments of clarity) but she thought everyone else was me. Makes sense. She and I were closer than the others. Everytime my older sister would go to pick her up she would whisper under her breath, "There's that woman, again!" My sister would make my mother take bubble baths....do her hair...paint her nails and put on lipstick. So NOT my mother. LOL

Anyway, last night I dreamed she came to me and apologized for failing me when I was a child. It may have been just a dream, but it was sweet.

Sorry for rambling on and on again.

Have a blessed day, Friends!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 16, 2010

COLLEEN, I SAW THAT COMMERCIAL YESTERDAY...AND THOUGHT "HOW STUPID"...IM GLAD YOU WROTE THE LETTER....ITS A HORRIBLE COMMERCIAL AND IF IT SAVES 1 LIFE THEN YOUVE DONE YOUR JOB....AND IF SOMEONE WOULD HAVE "JUST HONKED FOR BRIAN".............................................

KATHY SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM, DO WHAT YOU CAN AND DONT STRESS ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE....DONT FORGET JESSICA IS WATCHING OVER HER ALSO...

MY DOG TRIXIE SUE (16YRS OLD) SHE IS EATING HER CHIKN BREAST AND DRINKN THE BROTH BUT SLEEPN ALOT AND SHE HAS LOST WEIGHT...THIS MORN SHE WASNT ABLE TO WALK, BUT SOMETIMES HER LEGS ARE ASLEEP AND THEN SHE CAN LATER....I JUST DONT NO WHAT TO DO FOR HER...I DONT WANT HER TO SUFFER...SHES NOT IN PAIN...SHE DONT CRY SHE DONT SHIVER........

July 16, 2010

I just wanted top add something more about my mother....

When my sister, Dessie, died (April 2008) I pushed my mother's wheelchair to the side of the coffin where the family had gathered. I asked my mother if she knew who that was. "Dessie". she said.

Even with dementia my mother knew one of her children had died. She died 8 months later. Stephanie died 8 months after that.

Sigh....

July 16, 2010

Colleen,

I see the post about Dairy Queen and it looks like links you put but I don't see anything. I don't see the letter or anything. Am I missing something?

If you have them let me know. Have a DQ right near my business, no problem

going by and posting a few for them.

July 16, 2010

I fixed the post concerning the DQ letter. Hope it works now

Colleen

July 16, 2010

Good girl Colleen. I just went to youtube and flagged it as inappropriate. Put my 2 cents worth in the comment box as well. Sorry you had to see that. It may help to add the title of the commercial in your letter- 'Closer'.

Lynn aka Kayla's mom

July 16, 2010

Kathy – I’m so sorry to hear about your Mother, my prayers are with you and your family. ]I’m sure you will make the right decision to go or not to go see her. It may be that she will need you more during her recovery at home. ]

Colleen – I have not seen that commercial but I really like your letter that you are sending them. ]I’m sorry you have to even see the commercial. I can only imagine how that makes you feel.

Dan – Love seeing Nick smiling at me when I came on this morning!]

Susannah – So sorry to hear about the 25 year old drowning. ]We had heavy rains a couple of nights ago and a mother and her 3 week old baby was swept away in the currents and the baby drowned. The mother made it out. Too sad!

Rhonda – I hope sleep will come all night for you soon. ]The dreams of your Wesley will come. It’s been also 3 years but I’ve only dreamed of Danielle 3 times. I think it was you also talking about Wesley’s room. I still have not touched Danielle’s room. We are thinking about doing it this fall. Not sure why we have not but when the time is right I will know and will do it then.

Bonnie – So glad to see your post. ]I miss seeing Jason’s sonshine face and your words of wisdom. When is Pinnacle Day this year. I hear about the earthquake but I heard Washington first thing I thought about was you. Glad you are OK, did you feel it at all?

Dee – I hope your back is feeling better every day. ]My thoughts will be with you on Sunday at Eri Fest!

Sherry – Glad to hear your garden is doing well, ours not so much this year. ]The rain came earlier but not so much when we really needed it. We have planted a late garden and it’s coming up good now, so maybe I will get to put up my 100 quarts of green beans after all. Normally I’m done with that, and so far I have not snapped one green bean this year.

We leave for the beach tomorrow morning with my oldest sister Deborah her husband Kirk and their two kids. ]Lynda, my other sister (I never let them forget they are older than me) lol her husband Richard and their 3 kids and spouses, my brother Tullie he is the youngest and his two kids and Mom and Dad. Can’t wait. Of course, Mattie and James are coming also. Not my husband, he doesn’t like the beach. We will play in the sand and water, eat and have a great time. With my family Danielle will be talked about remembered and loved!

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom) ]

July 16, 2010

Colleen, so good for you to send that letter, good for you and Scott. I too can well imagine what it feels like to sit there and watch what the company thought was funny replicate what took Brian's life. Good for you. And Dan, how cool to post those, and Lynn for adding your words to it.

Bonnie, I am sorry for the hassle of the box but our Angels probably needed to take a detour for some reason. As I took each one out of the box, I wept, wept and wept. I will likely hang them inside the house as the weather is unpredictable. So while they won't wave, they will hang at a level for all to read and see the heart put into these. I will send them back to you unless someone else here needs to hang them for an event.

Kathy, I love the quote from Bon too. I had no contact with my Mum after she disowned me, other than a letter here and there, for nearly 18 years. She only met Eri twice, as she disowned me soon after Eri was born, such sadness. But when she lay dying in her home 5 miles away, I went there and she recognized me for just that day. The following 4 days she was in and out of hallucinations and morphine kept her as calm as she could be before dying. I never have to wonder if I did whatwas best for Mom and me, as I needed to say goodbye to her, and her recognizing me gave me a gift I never dreamed of. There is no right or wrong way to progress here, just what feels right to your heart.

July 16, 2010

Sonya-Rest up while you're at the beach for the marathon canning session it sounds like you're planning. People who've never had to deal with this probably don't understand how anyone can leave everything alone, but I know you all do. I've thought about giving some of his clothes (it was right after Christmas and some of them were never worn) to some of his friends that really could use them. That wouldn't be wrong, would it? He would literally give someone the shirt off his back when he was alive, and there's no reason not to now. I just cry everytime I think about giving his clothes away because its really admitting, really really admitting, that he doesn't need them anymore. And he never will.

Dee-I saw the post about the banners, but I just haven't had the heart to make one for Westley Dee yet. Maybe soon, but not just yet. I'm glad you were able to tell your mother goodbye. We don't always get to do that, do we? Hope your weather is nice for Eri-fest, is that Monday?

Getting ready for a weekend, Saturday's usually good, Sunday not so much. I think we're going to cook some fish Sunday that my husband caught a few weeks ago and put in the freezer. And I'll get to see my Laney girl tonight and that cheers me up. They're coming to Nana and Papa's for pizza tonight. I know its hot for pizza, but its hot for cooking too!

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 16, 2010

24 days shy of one year. John Edward, the psychic, said that hearing from a loved one or making contact with a loved one, will not stop the grieving process. He said it is impossible to skip grief. I must concur.

So much has happened since she died. And, yet, time stood still. Perhaps that's why it seems as if this year has flown by. Because I wasn't moving with it. It doesn't hurt as it did when I found you all. For that I am grateful.

Today, as I sat at a red light, another vehicle, traveling the opposite way, turned the corner in front of me. My breath was literally sucked out of me as I watched the woman, who looked so much like my Steph, manuever the turn. For an ion of a second, she was my daughter. For an ion of a second time stood still again.

As the breath returned to my lungs, I realized I deeply believe that I will see her again.........one day........and, I celebrated the anticipation of THAT day. And, the light turned green.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 16, 2010

Sus, you posted at 4:44, those are the numbers of my Girl. April (4) fourth (4) 1984 it is also the time of night I always woke up with insomnia as a young woman and when I was pregnant with both kids. My sis Eileen also woke at 4:44, and my niece Kari woke at 4:44 when having insomnia while pregnant. Four is a holy number according to Native Americans and many cultural groups in China.

Rhonda, it is so hard to give away the tangible items that mark the life of your Boy. Do it only when you feel ready. It does sound like WEstly would like his friends in need to have things from him. When we went to clear out Erica's room in Kalamazoo, three girls that she loved from next door came over to help us. I told them that I was not going to keep everything and so they could let me know which things meant the most to them and if I could part with it, they could have it. I kept some of the things but only some. SO the girls were excited, one taking her old Pea coat, one taking the grey wool jacket that I bought her one cold day. She loved this suade and sheeps wool lined jacket that I had given her her last Christmas, and I gave that to Julie. They went through her shoes and boots, and took the ones they could get use from. Erz had power puff girl lights hanging from her ceiling, and Sarah took those. It was incredibly hard, but incredibly good too. It felt good knowing that pieces of ERi would be with her buddies. When we got home, I gave more away, and many items went to her cousins. Nothing easy about it, and no timeline in which it must be done. Never is okay too.

Have fun at the beach Sonya.

I am going to head outside t cut the dead heads off plants.

love

dee

July 16, 2010

Kathy---I agree with Dan.....he said it so well. Do what is in your heart.

So sorry. Peace & comfort , friend.

Rhonda---Sorry you are having such a hard time sleeping. Yes, it wears you

down when you lose sleep. Peace to you, today.....you dear Dad's AngelDay.

I know it would be too soon for you to make a banner for dear Westley....

just too soon,... and the pain and devastating loss is too great right now.

Give yourself all the time that you need....

Colleen----I read your letter to the Dairy Queen company about that ridiculous

ad they put on. I certainly hope they take it off....pronto. It sure is irresponsible

of them to do such an ad that reaches so many young impressionable children

and teens. What were they thinking????

Susannah---Your mom remembered her child....Dessie. Goes to show that a child

who goes before us will never be forgotten. Prayers for the family of the 25 yr.

old who drowned recently. I so regret the sorrow that surely surrounds them now.

Sonya----I hope you do get enought green beans to can 100 qt. Wow.....what a

project!!. Our garden needs rain, badly. It has not rained for at least 2 wks., and

even then, it was just light sprinkles. I picked a peck of green beans yesterday.

There won't be enough to can, of course, but that's ok. Tomatoes to can are

enough ...that's coming on in a few wks. Oh....have a great time at the beach

with your whole family. Sounds like so much fun, and sweet Danielle will be there

beside you as you enjoy nature & family, and your angel.

Dee----Your story of your mom's last days is very touching. You did the right thing,

and she may have felt a lot of comfort in her last moments, that you came to her.

Hope the ERi Fest is a good success with lots of her friends there, and of course..

ERz looking down from heaven. Bless her little white soul.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

July 16, 2010

Rhonda, your Dad's day is of course going to make you feel more vulnerable right now. As Sherry said, give yourself time. Time can be our enemy at some points in this road, but it also becomes a friend.

OH, the hot waking you? I have been going through that for 2 years now, and finally, my blood work shows that I am indeed in menopause now, which is good, cause if I wasn't...YIKES what was going on. So hot.

Love ya,

dee

July 16, 2010

It is 11 o'clock here at night and I have been reading all of the wonderful words of wisdom from all of you. I have talked to my sister and my mom is paralyzed on the left side of her face. She remembered some things today but will never fully recover from the stroke. The doctor believes she had the stroke a couple of weeks ago and he said had she been aware of it and gone to the hopsital that they could have reversed to a much better degree than where she is now but it is too late. She will be in the hospital until the doctor feels that she can go home, she will have a walker. My dad is in total denial as he cannot stand the thought of anything happening to her....I belive he sees what he wants to see....I will be talking to my brother tomorrow to see what his plans are so we may be going together...I am not sure what to do right now - go now or wait until she is home - I love her so and yes I will know what the right thing to do is. I never want to have regrets. I am so very tired so I will update all tomorrow. Thank you all again and God Bless. Kathy

July 17, 2010

Morning Everyone,

another hot one for most of us, so please be careful out there.

Kath, good luck with your decision. I know that you are sad and it is hard to think of your Mom as ' not-quite-herself' but the only time and some therapy will tell how much loss is permanent. I am glad that you have siblings in close proximity to her so that you can rest knowing that you needn't fly there now, but maybe wait until it works out best for everyone.

July 17, 2010

WELL AS I SAID BOTH MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN IN WRECKS IN LESS THEN A WEEK...BOTH VEH TOTALLED...

YEST MY SISTER CALLED AND SAID HER SON HAS BEEN INA WRECK ALSO AND HIS VEH WAS TOTALLED...HE HAD HEAD INJURIES BUT WILL BE FINE CT SCAN LOOKED GOOD..

KIMBERLY WAS IN A HYNDEA SENOTA AND JOHNNY (NEPHEW) WAS IN HIS KIA...BOTH OF THESE ARE 2009 2010 VEH...NO AIRBAGS DEPLOYED....SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THESE CHEAPER CARS....HOW DO THEY GET TOTALLED AND NOT DEPLOY???

JUST GLAD EVERYONE IS OK....KODYS FRIENDS AIR BAGS CAME OUT THEY WERE IN A EXTENDED CAB 2003 CHEVY....

WELLL GIRLS WE RACE TONIGHT SO I WILL TELL YAL WHAT THE BOY GETS....

BLESS AND BE BLESSED...MOTHER OF AN ANGEL...KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL

July 17, 2010

Hello Indigos: Wow, I haven’t been on in a day or so and so many posts…our daughter Kim came in from VA with her youngest, Rachel, and we’ve been “catching up” ever since. We haven’t seen each other since April last year, so there was a lot of catching up to do!

Kathy: I am so very sorry about your mom…so sorry they didn’t know about the stroke sooner---and I am sorry that your dad is having a hard time accepting things…it is a lot to deal with and I am glad that you will have your brother with you if/when you go.

Lorri: Wow! Scary stuff...I am so glad that everyone is coming through these accidents okay... I hope Kody wins tonight...he sure deserves to!

Colleen: No, I haven’t seen the commercial, but I think your letter is great and certainly right on. I have seen other irresponsible commercials and it just makes me so mad sometimes. I am glad those two kids heard your horn beep and separated from such a dangerous activity…

Rhonda: Giving some of Westley’s things away is a difficult thing to do, and as others have said, only you will know when and how, and IF, the time is right. As for the banners, when they were done, there were some here who were fairly new and just weren’t ready…again, you will know when you are ready for this, also, or not.

Sonya: You trip to the beach with your whole family sounds like such fun…have you been doing that for a lot of years? I am so glad for you that they do talk about Danielle...I am sure it truly comforts you that they keep her memory going instead of trying to put it away and not discuss her life. You are blessed. Where is the beach you go to, by the way?

Dee: That is so strange about the 4-4-4 connections, especially about that being the time that you AND your sisters woke up during your pregnancies…and then to have Eri be born on 4-4-84…

Sherry: I am sorry there has not been any rain out your way…are your plants drying up yet or have you been able to keep them watered? We only have a couple of tomato plants in pots on the back walkway, so a watering can suffices. Last year they didn’t do very well, but this year there seems to be an abundance…hopefully they will ripen nicely.

Greg: thanks for sharing all those songs...and I am glad you had a good trip and the reunion was a good one.

Dan: I loved the tribute picture you made for EJ.

Jenn: Your post certainly wasn’t rambling…there is no “rambling” here…we write what we need to say and know that all understand sometimes we need to write more than others…We love that you are sharing your sweet Jeffrey with us. I have not learned to write short posts yet…brevity is not my strongsuit…but, “I yam what I yam” as Popeye used to say…

Sus: We all know that “catch” you felt when you saw the woman driving who looked so much like Steph…it does certainly take your breath away. I loved the story you told about your hair…funny woman you are.

Betty: Good to see your sweet Stephen...and Marcia: So good to see Bethany's sweet smile...Betsy: hi to you.

Cathi and I went to the ballgame tonight…on the way we talked about her dad’s upcoming surgery and shared our fears about the outcome. Of course, this led into a discussion about Mike…although we do frequently talk about him on the way to a game…but tonight it was more a mixture of the two…Mike and Ralph. I was telling her that it seems over the past few days, the more I worry about Ralph’s upcoming surgery and the outcome, the more things (signs) have happened to reassure me that everything will be okay. Now, I don’t mean that this makes me feel as though there is nothing to worry about…although it seems as though all these “signs” coming our way are sure trying to lend us to that persuasion…as I told Cathi…if I am getting all these sweet signs, and I recognize them as such, then how come my insides are still chasing around inside of me, like a tornado in my gut all the time? Tonight at the game, some things happened that were just so overwhelmingly “out there” as far as signs, that Cathi and I just looked at each other each time as if to say “What?!?!?” The first thing that happened was when we got on the highway, the very first Bug we saw was yellow…Ralph’s color…(not a big thing, but certainly a smile bringer) then when we got to the park and as we were coming in the gate, we bumped into Adrian, the girl who came to our van with a wheelchair for Mike and had taken Mike from the van to his seat and back again at the end of the game, those last two weeks before he was confined to bed. …she looked at me, and I recognized her right away…she had that “I know that person” look… I called her name and as soon as she came over she knew who I was…this was almost FOUR years ago and I’ve only seen her once, the first year after Mike died, since then. The next thing to happen was that Cathi had forgotten her Red Sox hat and her Red Sox earrings she always wears. She said she felt “naked” so we stopped at the first kiosk inside the park and she looked for some earrings. He showed her a couple pairs, but she didn’t care for them, and she saw something in the bag he had that had a baseball bead on it…she asked to see them and they were a silver heart, with a Red Sox baseball hanging down from the middle…the only pair he had…we have looked at the earrings at this and other kiosks there before…never saw any with hearts, and the vender said he didn’t even know he had these; hadn’t seen them before. So, she bought them of course.

On the way up the stairs to our seats, we saw a perfect heart marking on the top step…this is a part of the park we don’t usually sit in. When we got to our seats, this guy was sitting next to us…

(The "guy" is on the top left...I put the other pics of Mike next to it after I got home just to see if I was imagining it...not!)

I just stopped in my tracks. When I told Cathi “that guys looks exactly like Mike,” she glanced at him and said “No, not really, it’s just the beard.” A couple minutes later, she turned to look at the board and saw him by the side view…she whipped her head around toward me and whispered “Oh my God, he is EXACTLY like Mike!” During a break, we finally talked to him…Cathi asked him his name (it was “Kevin”) and explained that he looked just like her brother…and we apologized if we made him uncomfortable...he said, no, not at all...we showed him the pic of Mike I have on my phone, and his wife just about fell off her seat! We all talked for a bit, and laughed about the resemblance---he told us he has been a life-long Red Sox fan; meantime my heart has stopped…I know you all know how I felt.

So, if all this is happening, why is my gut in an uproar? As the time winds down, I can hardly swallow… I am sorry for dumping all this on you guys…you all are dealing with enough…but coming here and talking about it is the only way I can really express my feelings and my fears…otherwise I can’t even really talk about it with anyone other than Cathi,,,(thank God for her!)...even Kim, for some reason, doesn't "get it."

Well, I promised Rachel we would go to the "buffalo" restaurant today...they have a stuffed Buffalo head that talks every 15 minutes or so...and I have some other errands to run---it is already over 90 outside.... Have a good day, all...holding all of you close to my heart.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

July 17, 2010

Carol, my heart rate increased as I read your post ! I hope You are ok? If I was in your place I'd probably still be passed out on the ground/floor. Wow ! :shock:

Betsy,mysonRich

July 17, 2010

CAROL WOOOOOOW I THOUGHT THAT WAS A PIC OF MIKE MYSELF....MENT TO BE SISTER MENT TO BE....LOVE THE EAR BOBS....THANKS FOR WISHES FOR KODY

July 17, 2010

OK Lorri, no driving in July for any young ones in your family!

Carol, it isn't just the beard now is it? HOLY COW, that man Kevin, looks so much like Mike. How cool is that? I think that that is very cool. The signs are great, little reminders that you are being held. The tummy tornado? That is just how we manifest our worries, my back goes out, my stomach turns, these are symptoms of our worries. Hang on Sister, take little sips of cranberry juice to keep you hydrated or water, and know that we are all with you.

Love on this hot day and each day,

dee

July 17, 2010

Lorri

I used to work for an airbag manufacturer.

The deployment of airbags depends alot on where the car is hit. Drivers side airbags deplay when the front of the car is hit more than approx 7-10 mph. The passenger's seat usually has a sensor to determine if a person is sitting there. If so, it will deplay also.

Side-curtain airbags deploy the same way, but when the vehicle is T-boned. Perhaps the accident did not set-off any of the sensors. Poor placement of sensors, I say.

Thanking the Lord your family is OK. The outcome could have been much worse, but was not.

Colleen

July 17, 2010

COLLEEN FAR AS I NO KIMMY WAS GOING 65 70 AND NEPHEW HE WAS PROB GOING 40'S....JUST GLAD EVERYONES OK...

July 17, 2010

OMG - Carol!! Signs from everywhere that we see and no one else gets.. Kevin could be a clone of your boy. I had a hard time working out the pics. Mike was on the right?

I have to believe Mike is letting you know that he is with you & Ralph every step of the way. You are not imaging things. Just breath, one breath at a time and talk to the stuffed buffulo head for me won't you.......that would be worth a trip!

Take Care - Trudi

July 17, 2010

Carol-Kevin really does look like Mike! How did you keep from trying to make him come home with you? I think you said the surgery would be Tuesday, will be thinking of you all. How is Cathi doing by the way? It was her arm that was bothering her?

Betsy-Did you change pictures of Rich? I wasn't sure if you could change them once you put on here. Good to see him whether its a different picture or not.

Thank you all for your advice about "things" and clothes. Other people who haven't been through this don't understand, so I don't even ask them what they think. Of course, some people would be more than willing to tell me what they think, but I discourage talking about Westley to people I don't trust to have my best interests. I still have a hard time talking about him to anyone really without falling apart, and those kind of people, who are just kind of acquaintances or old friends you don't really keep up with anymore, I don't bring him up. I think of him almost constantly, but I just can't share him with just anyone. I like to talk about him with you all and hear about your kids, because I know you understand.

Hot as fire in TN! Keep drinking your water and have a good Saturday night.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

July 17, 2010

Carol,

We recently had some landscaping done. Rich came and got me and took me into the foyer. He said stand right here and look out the window.

When I did, my heart jumped. There was a guy with sandy blond hair cut the way Jay wore his, the shape of his head was the same. And he was about the same size with jeans and a white t-shirt on ....

We both stood there with tears in our eyes ......

Just a few days later, I read this. Might have been on BI. I don't remember ....

But, for you ......

[align=center]THOUGHT I SAW YOU TODAY

I thought I saw you today, walking in that special way. Then reality

set in, and I knew it couldn't have been. But for the briefest moment,

I was able to pretend. And think of all the great things, that really

should have been. But a brief moment to pretend, Was all I was allowed.

As the young man who looked like you walked into the crowd, I wanted to

follow him, get a glimpse, maybe a hug; But I knew it wasn't you, So I

wiped away my tears, And slowly walked away. But, my broken heart was

aching, because I thought I saw YOU today ......

[/align]

July 17, 2010

Carol - oh my goodness - that is Mike's twin - I had my husband come and look before I told him and he said "that is the same person" - no it is not I said but it sure looks like it. Keep these wonderful signs in your heart and as Trudi said breathe, I believe all will be ok.

Lorri - so glad everyone is ok - what a scary thing to have to go through.....

About my mom - the stroke was caused from a blood clot that went to her brain and has caused short term memory loss. The doctor will be moving her next week to another part of the hospital for therapy but has said that more than likely she will need 24 hour care when released. My sister thinks my brother and I should wait to come until she is released and they know more. They are thinking an assissted living home which is very nice, just like having your home except a full time nurse always on duty.....my dad is still in denial though and my sister is having a tough time talking to him about the move....they live 8 miles out in the country on a farm and that makes things diffacult as they are 75 years, my mom has wanted to move into town for some time but my dad likes his farm.....but now it is about my mom so hopefully he will see what needs to be done. My sister said yesterday she remembered things that happened the day before and the past but not what she did that day. We are hopeful that the therapy will help but..... I will keep all up to date and I thank you so much for your prayers.

A hot day again today and no relief in sight - lots of sun, hot and humid but I love it. I went to the beach for a few hours, napped and then home and worked in the yard. A nice seafood pasta for dinner and now relax in the air conditioning.

Last night Barry and I went to Bostwick's Chowder House for a drink - there was a couple at the bar who were just getting up to go to their table so we took their seats - the next thing I know I hear this from a lady standing behind us "don't worry dear, he doesn't look like the type who would give his seat up to a lady" - well, I am not one to sit and listen to anyone say anything about my Barry so I turned to her and asked her if she would like to sit - she stuck her nose in the air and said "no thank you" - I replied " well it is not a problem if you do because believe me my husband is definetly the type to give up his seat to a lady" she did not replay but her husband said "I am sorry, please do not worry it is ok" --- I am sure he was embarrassed when he realized I had heard what his wife said. I am very protective of my family !!!!

The count down to Jessica's birthday - July 21st - she would be 31 and that makes me crazy - she will always be 26 in my heart and mind. How is it possible that it will be my fifth birthday without her yet she is not gone 5 years !! I do not want to do this again, I do not want to have another birthday by going to the cemetery and releasing balloons - I want my Jessica to be here and blow out the candles on her special cake, I want to see her open her presents....I WANT, I WANT !!!!!!! Well it is not about me is it - well yes it is - I don't know. I will be ok, I will get through this, I will do what I have to do, breathe in and breathe out.

I love you all. Prayers, strength and peace, Kathy

July 17, 2010

Carol - Lots of signs, that's for sure. I admire that you are able to SEE them and appreciate them. Kevin could be Mike's twin. Whatever the outcome is going to be, it seems you are being told you are not alone and never will be. Blessings to you and Ralph!!!!!

Rhonda - I began going through Stephanie's things a few months ago, but had to put the box away. A couple of weeks ago I went through another one of her boxes, but just put it back where it was when I was done. Even her dirty clothes are still in her dirty clothes bag.....I'm not ready. I'm okay with that. We will be ready when we're ready. Period.

I have some kind of sinus thing going on today. My eyes and nose are swollen. I resemble the beast from beauty and the beast. :shock: Allergies. I took some benadryl and am going to bed.

Thinking of you, Sue, and your angel Michelle!

Peace, Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 17, 2010

Bonnie

Love the poem. That has happened to Scott and I several times. We look at each other, suprised at first, then very sad.

It can never be. That is a tough pill to swallow.

Colleen

July 17, 2010

Kathy

Consider yourself hugged.

I have no word of wisdom, just a soft shoulder.

Colleen

July 17, 2010

Pooped out so not much to say as my eyes are slamming.

Made two peach/blueberry cobblers for tomorrow, 4 pounds of pasta salad, tomorrow I will make the fruit salad and the tomato salad as well as a black bean salad.

Kath, prayers for your Momma and as Jessica's birthday approaches, I will pray for you and Barry and Tav to feel her love and her peace, to know that you are all making her so very proud of the lives you are leading. Maybe you can think of something new to do this Birthday. Did Jess like to Bowl? Bicycle? Rollerblade? Maybe an activity that Tavian loves and that everyone can do, even friends of Jess'.

Just a thought.

Susannah, you mentioned Sue and her Girl Michelle. Was Sue here recently and I missed her post? I haven't seen her here for a long time.

Peace to All,

dee

July 18, 2010

Dee: have had a busy day all day, but just wanted to pop in and tell you that I hope you have a beautiful day tomorrow, in celebration of your beautiful daughter's life...I know it is supposed to be hot, but that will be better I think than cold and rain. Wish so much I could be there.

Thank you all for the comments on Mike's "twin." It was quite an experience, and yes, I did want to talk to him more, but didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, so just left it as a beautiful gift, though Cathi and I talked about it again today and rehashed the night, with everyone sharing in.

Kathy: thinking of you and your mom...

love and peace, Carol mikesmomrs

July 18, 2010

Good morning, Indigo's!

My face still looks like the beast. It doesn't hurt. Just a little pressure and runny nose.

Dee - If I'm not mistaken, today is Michelle's angelversary. I don't know if Sue reads here anymore or not, I see her on facebook. I just wanted to put it "out there" so good energy could surround her. I hope today's Eri fest is good for you, your family and friends. I wish I could be there. I wish I would have remembered to create a banner for Stephanie. Maybe next year. Except for the day of Stephanie's funeral, not one of her "friends" have contacted me. I'm not mad about it. I'm more concerned for her friends. With HER friends, that may mean they are back to using/drinking and destroying their lives. I hope I am wrong, but I don't think so.

Kathy - How's BJ? My son and his wife seem to be back together. I fear they've moved too fast. (ya think?) It's only been a month and I'm not seeing him at meetings much and/or hearing him talk recovery like he did in the beginning. She is behind on her rent (again) and he is late on his car payment (again). The other day Mariah asked me why "Uncle Curtis is always so mad?" All bad signs. I hate assuming, waiting, expecting the next shoe to fall......but when the storm clouds turn green, there's sure to be hail and wind. Past experience tells us so. Take cover. I have said something about the late bills already, and now I'm just waiting until the end of the month. Again, I hope I'm wrong. But, if what I think is happening IS happening, it won't be long until he's drunk and another "war" breaks out. I absolutely hate it!!

I was able to see the positive with Mariah's question, however. She hasn't had to live around anger for the last 17 months. Even when Gary and I are tired and impatient, they don't see us as mad.

Hmmmmm....yesterday 7yr old Jasmine and 5yr old Jonathon got out of the pool and both peed in their empty gatarade bottle and then poured it out.....gross. I made them sit on the toilet for five minutes each. Maybe we're not "there" yet...

Peace everyone! Susannah/Stephanie's mom

July 18, 2010

Survived 1 year as of 8:42 pm.

July 18, 2010

ZACHY, please whisper in your Mommas ear and let her know that you are near...

Peace Sweet Child.

July 18, 2010

Zachy, thinking of you today and always with your sweet little boy smile. May your Mom find a smile on her lips today in happy memory of you.

Betsy,mysonRich

July 18, 2010

MICHELLE, May your smile warm the hearts of all who love and cherish you, may your laugh be like church bells, ShellBells.

Thanks Susannah, for letting me know that today was Michelle's day as well as ZACHY'S.

This is the day 7 years ago that was Eri's funeral. Many of us found grief in July. I am sorry for Everyone's grief.

July 18, 2010

Carol thanks for the good wishes for the day. Right now it is raining, thundering and grumbling, hope though, that these are simply scattered showers, not here for the whole day and night. I am actually putting in a bid with God and ERi to let this be all the rain now until 10:00 at night. That would be perfect. It is hot indeed, with 87% humidity at this time, so we'll see, just hope everyone comes no matter as there is a ton of food and a lot of prep and love and money that goes into this gathering. A true labor of love. I only have had sciatica once or twice and just somewhat, well yesterday on top of a back spasm again, I developed this sore as can be nerve running down my leg and into my instep. YIKES! So today it is much better, not gone but better. So I am done preparing food and can sit for a while.

You said that you wish you could be here Carol, and I echo that wish but I do assure you that I have you here with me and the angels are hanging out with us, so thanks for that Great Energy you so easily offer.

Sus, glad too that your little ones don't see you and Gary as angry, and it is a good sign that they see anger and identify it so that they can be away from it. What a good example of their learning.

Pee in a bottle hu? It may be that they had to do that in their lives before you, it may also be who could do it best. Letting them know it wasn't the best way to behave was good.

Love to you all, time marches us along.

dee

July 18, 2010

[align=center]Michelle ..... remembering and saying your name out loud!

[/align]

July 18, 2010

Zack .... remembering you and saying your name out loud!

July 18, 2010

Dee,

The same thing happened last weekend at the wedding reception in New York .....

But, the dark clouds went away along with the rain and it was a beautiful day! I pray the same for you!

And yes, I believe that our children are there with you to celebrate Eri's life and hold you up with love.

These days are a lot of preparation and money and emotion ...... but, our kids are worth it! Eri is so worth it!

Love for a wonderful celebration of your baby girls life!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

July 18, 2010

ZACHY!

Sorry, Beth....I had his angelversary written as the 19th.

July 18, 2010

Lovely remembrances Bonnie.

I do hope the day works as your Friend's wedding did, thanks for the great energy. I thank you Sweet One. We will be playing Marley and all of ERi's favorites throughout the day.

dee

July 18, 2010

Dear Sweet Zachy

Stay Close to MommyToday

Betty

Stephen'smom:)

July 18, 2010

KODY GOT 3RD...NEW PROMOTER AT THE TRACK SO WE START ALLOVER IN POINTSSO KODY WAS 2ND IN PTS NOW HES 3RD....

ZACHY THINKING OF YOU TODAY AND YOUR LIL FAMILY...AS THEY SAID EARLIER JUST WHISPER THAT YOUR NEAR AND AWAY THERE.

MICHELLE...MICHELLE ......MICHELLE.....LOVE THAT NAME SO PRETTY...AND A BREAUTIFUL ANGEL ALONG WITH IT

July 18, 2010

ZACHY......ZACHY......ZACHY.....SWEET ANGEL IN HEAVEN. SEND YOUR MOMMY A SMILE TO WARM HER HEART.

Carol---Our garden needs water so much, but it's too big to water....it would

take too much, and we have well water here, so don't want to risk running it

low in order to water the plants. We just keep praying for rain.:?. Cathi's

baseball earrings are so cute. I like the way you said that seeing Mike's "twin"

was a beautiful gift. That has happened to me also.....seeing a "double" of

Davey, and it does make you want to keep seeing & seeing because they look

so much like your beloved child.....but in the end, I guess we just have to let

it go, and consider it a beautiful gift, as you said.

Bonnie---thanks for the poem about seeing someone who looks like your child.

It's a very bittersweet thing, when this happens, and as Colleen said....."it's a

tough pill to swallow". Our neighbor, a loveable old 'bore', said to my husband,

"You know, my son's coming home this weekend", and proceeds to go on a

bragging binge about the son's profession etc. My husband said he felt like saying

"Well, my son's never coming home". He didn't say that ,though......just had it in

his thoughts. We never say anything.....what's the use?

Dee---Hope that the ERI FEST goes well. Your food sounds absolutely YUMMY!

It's so hot here.....and I imagine it's just as hot there in your area. Maybe we'll

get some rain in the upcoming week.

Rhonda----I know what you mean about not being able to talk to many people

about your dear Westley. Those early days, wks, months, etc. are so very hard

to deal with. It almost seems like you're in a dream, or some state of unreality.

There a few select people I can talk to about Davey, but not many....even in my

family. My younger brother has been a good support for me. He doesn't try to

'fix' things, try to change the subject, or other tactics. He just listens, and gives

me encouragement. That is also what we all find here at BI, I think. It has been

a lifeline for me these 7 yrs. Peace and comfort to you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

July 18, 2010