Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

I agree with you Dianne, Leah is a strong woman who has been taking care of others her whole life...I do so hope she is okay.

Peace and enjoy the flowers and blossoming trees...

[Tommy's mum]

virginia I am glad you are getting help for little Kyle. Let us know how the EMDR goes I have heard very good things. Many people do not realise that when you lose a child there is often trauma left behind for the family especially if you were present at the end. You need to process that trauma before healing can begin. That is why shoving down feelings and thoughts is so damaging they need to be aired and processed properly. That in itself is upsetting but having unresolved grief issues years on is much worse.

dee I will never understand why the good people get taken early when they still have so much to offer others and the evil ones stay to wreak pain and havoc on more people. It makes no sense at all. Patti is free now and out of pain but you will miss her.

[ericasmom]

I have the YOU ARE MADE OF STARS card on my classroom wall...

[ericasmom]

Ahhhh, the front came in and cooled us off to the low 60's...as it should be. Big storms last night, more rain coming. Just had my students out for a nice long recess, overcast skies, birds busily searching for food for their nestlings...we have a robin at home nesting on top of a light fixture on one of our tiny balconies...love that, watching mom and dad take turns getting the food and soon, watching the mom and dad teach one then another fledgling to live out of the nest...

[Brendan's Dad]

Hello everyone.  I am new to this board.  Well, not totally new.  I used to post quite a few years back after losing my seven year old son Brendan.  I had to get a new user name because I could not get logged on with my old password.  I want to thank you for leading me to this site.  This past December was seven years without my son Brendan who I lost in a horrific snowmobile accident.  I am back now just needing to talk to people who get it.  I find myself keeping everything inside because nobody wants to talk about my son.  The second his name comes up I can see and feel how uncomfortable people get.  I am 42 years old now and still have two amazing little boys.  I am just struggling with life in general.  Happiness seems to elude me no matter what I do.  I second guess every decision I make and I constantly feel guilt for so many things.  Guilt that I am now divorced and didn't fight harder to keep my family together.  Guilt for Brendan dying especially the way he did.  Guilt for being here and living knowing that he is not.  I try so hard to to get my mind right, but I just cannot seem to beat this depression.  It scares me sometimes because I honestly think that nobody should fee this sad and down all the time.  On the outside people think I am doing well.  People think that I am doing well.  People think that I am strong.  These people have no idea what I really feel every day.  How often I cry and lose when nobody is watching.  How I ache for someone to talk to about Brendan.  How I cry because some memories seem to be fading because I tried so hard for so many years to block them out because of the pain.  I guess I just need to hear and to know that I am not crazy.  That what I am feeling is normal.  That I am not the only one who is tired and wants to give up sometimes.  To know there are other people out there who understand.  

 

Brendan's Daddy 

[ericasmom]

I remember you Brendan's Daddy, and yes, we are still here some of us, and a lot of NEW to this loss too, some right where you are...all of us different and yet all of us share grief, and we KNOW, we GET IT> So tell us about Brendan, we will listen because we want to, we want you to be able to cry and lose it with us, because we know that this is the only way for some of us to feel whole or nearly so, again. I am glad for  your two other Sons...how old and do you get to be with them? I hope so. Let's face it, marriage is hard already, add a loss like Brendan's and well...very very hard to have two parents on the same page and able to embrace the other. Guilt is a killer. And so my goal is that you will find ways to release some or hopefully one day, all of that. I am 20 years older than you and I know what harm guilt does, so today you should celebrate YOU, because you are trying to find ways to live more fully again, by coming back and talking about your ache.

 

[Brendan's Dad]

Thank you so much.  I cannot remember the last time somebody said.  Tell me about Brendan. Honestly, I don't know if anyone has asked me that since he passed.  Brendan was a sweet and sensitive little boy.  He had a ton of friends and loved sports.  I was a high school basketball coach at the time of his death and he was in the gym with me constantly.  The night before he died I have a video of him in the stands with the high school kids doing all of the cheers during the game.  He loved his family especially his little brother Jackson who unfortunately has some significant special needs.  He was his protector and when he died so did Jackson's protector and best friend.  Brendan loved his grandma's and grandpa's and was just a happy boy.  I remember one night just before he died.  Him and I were sitting on the couch on the computer.  We were watching videos of soldiers coming home from deployment and surprising their loved ones.  They were such happy videos and I found myself just smiling.  I looked over at my just seven year old son and he has tears just pouring down his face.  I said what is the matter B?  These are happy videos.  He said I know that dad, but some of these soldiers never come home to their families do they?  I was shocked.  We had a nice talk and he said to me.  Dad you won't leave me right?  After we talked about that I remember him saying dad you won't ever let anything happen to me either will you?  I of course said no.  I think that is the start of my guilt.  I remember telling my son that I would never let anything happen to him and three months later he died in a very senseless accident.  I was not home at the time of the accident, but had I been.  He would still be here.  I made a promise to my son that I could not and did not keep.  The best way to describe Brendan was as my shadow.  Where I went he went or at least wanted to go. I sure wish he would have been with me that horrible day.  

I am blessed to have Jackson and Aaron.  Jackson is 12 years old now, but has significant developmental delays and seizures.  He is in 6th grade, but he is at about a second grade level.  He is happy and amazing, but he does miss his older brother.  He has a lot of Brendan's friends that have promised to always watch out for him.  Aaron just turned six and he is the spitting image of Brendan.  Honestly there are pictures of Brendan that I think are Aaron and visa versa.  There are nights I will sneak into his room to give him a kiss and I could swear it is Brendan laying in that bed.  I am lucky to have 50-50 custody of my boys.  There is guilt there as well.  Guilt that I never got to see Brendan grow up and now I am giving up my kids 50% of the time.  Guilt that my ex-wife has to hurt without her boys as well.  We are divorced, but I never want her to hurt more than she already has and I know not having her kids half the time is killing her.  Makes me feel selfish and horrible for the decisions I made to end our marriage.  I am sorry.  I hate being so negative.  I just have so much bottled up right now.  My anxiety is horrible all the time.  I need to find a way to feel better.  I cannot keep feeling this way.  

[ericasmom]

You just let it all out , and don't concern yourself with being negative, we are here to listen to you, to hold you and your sweet Son close in our hearts and our hopes.

[peggy a sad mom]

brendans dad

i am peggy. my son passed a little over 3 months on jan. 20th . i miss him so much life is so different now i can't stand it. i do feel guilty over some things i haven't been able to be that happy about anything yet. i really would not care if i joined him today however i would never do it on purpose because then maybe god won't let me spend eternity with him. so i will wait if that's what i am meant to do. as you know you can talk about brendan on here everyone listens. i go to group sessions first tuesday of the month. they make me feel better for at least a few day's and i guess it's because i know they know how i feel and visa versa. they are all nice people none of them deserve what happened to them. well hang in there i know that's what we are all trying to do

peggy

[Tommy's mum]

brendan'sdad I am glad you found us. Gosh your little man looks just like you, a real "mini me", and that smile,  being happy at a game with his dad, lovely. So interesting that your youngest boy so closely resembles his oldest brother too. You must not carry that guilt anymore. You could not possibly foresee his accident and you could in no way prevent it because you were not there. When he was still with you, you kept your promise, you did keep him safe and loved every day and the safety and security you provided Brendan and his brothers was and still is faultless.I think most of us have all played the blame /guilt game, and agonised over the "what if's" but not one of us could stop what happened to our child. They were all horrible events that the familes left  behind have to deal with as best they can. The time to begin to unbottle is now, so feel free to share anything you want. We also usually on our profile add the child's dob and angel date so that we can celebrate their birthday and be especially supportive in the days leading upto the angel date which is when most of us kinda fall low. Feel free to add whatever you want. It is lovely to be able to tell others about our spirit children isn't it? Take care

[MargeeTx]

Oh, Brendan's Dad.  I am thankful in my soul that you have returned to this forum after so many years.  I lost my Jason, age 44, January 23, 2018, so I do not have a single thing to tell you other than the people here have literally saved me from suicide more than once.  Jason died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism and was a picture of 6'4" health, with no known medical problems.  I am a Registered Nurse, retired recently, worked hospice for 10 years, and I cannot believe or understand my feelings and thoughts.  I obsess about Jason nearly all the time.  But, I feel a true connection with the people here..... most of the people who I thought were good friends are too uncomfortable talking to me.  They don't know what to say...hell, no one does....except the people here.   Please come here..any time.  We do get it.

xxoomargarett

 

 

[NiquesMom]

Hi brendansdad. My daughter was 18 when she passed away 12/21/17. I tried to keep her safe too,  I would have changed places with her if I could.  I still have a son, he will be  5 this month.  He misses his big sister,  so I am trying to help him adjust to our new "normal."  I am lucky that most of my friends will talk about Nique with me,  and if I get teary they are nice.  But what happens in 5 years when my friends don't know her already? How can I talk to compete strangers about her,  people who don't understand child loss?? I am sorry for your loss (your child and your marriage). This is the hardest school I have ever been in. 

[My girl is in heaven]

Brendan’s dad. I am Luanne who posted to you on the other site.  I am glad u found your way here.  Your story reads so much like mine. I even have a son named Aaron. But he is 26 and my other son 29. I know that guilt so so much, I know exactly what u are feeling.  I heard a thud which I brushed off and in hindsight it was my daughter collapsing in the tub. I am 7 yea rs almost same time frame as you and while it maybe isn’t as strong as at first but it doesn’t matter how many drs and the good people here tell me I keep playing that scene over of the what if I had of responded right away.  I am still working thru this with psychiatrist. But when u think of it if we had even an inkling that our child was in danger, we would have moved heaven and earth to save our kids anything....right?  But for what ever reason that’s just how things happened.  And, Virginia and Peggy too, absolutely nobody will care or understand if they have not suffered such a loss.  My four siblings, friends of 30 years, childhood friends,my daughters friends parents , the very people u thought you could 100% count on to always be there will drop off eventually.  Some people give them a break cause they couldn’t possibly know but I don’t. I and others on this site have had some very cruel and insensitive things said to them.  Don’t waste years like I did letting those people hurt you over and over again  , desperately waiting to see if they will remember your child’s birthday or angel day.  I don’t give them one care anymore.  Like I said all of my relationships have changed since that day and that’s just the way it is.  Don’t beat yourself up for that.  Someone told me recently they believe everything happens for a reason and I tend to agree.  Margee is right this is the only place I have received true understanding and compassion.  And good for you margee to beat that temptation to be with your Jason.  I know myself and others on here have had to battle that same thing and grief and depression do thier best  to convince us that is the right thing to do. It is difficult as I am finding right now, to feel that little surge forward only to have that paper thin scar on your heart being tugged at by yet another trigger, reminder of your loss.   But hold strong dear dear friends.  We walk this journey together and like Lesley’s quote said we take turns holding the light for each other.  Take the crumbs and slivers of hope and peace that come your way.  Sometimes that’s all that grieving parents get.  Hugs to you all. Brendan’s dad..are you a hockey fan by any chance. I gues  cause I live in Canada I always wonder when someone   new comes on. 

 

 

Luanne.....Kira’s mama

[Mermaid Tears]

Hello sweet friends....have read 'a little'.....in the last 2 weeks I have had a very busy cycle of 'taking care of the take care'. All is well now.

I so want to reach out to the new parents and be there like the many parents that were on this site to help me...I will write more later. Just know you don't have to walk this grief journey alone.

[ericasmom]

I hope that you have been taking very good care of you Susan. Tell us when you have time, what is new in your world...

Margee, so good to see you today, to know that you are finding your steps...yes it is harder than any other thing in the world.

It is a beautiful bird-filled morning here in Chicagol-land. Blue skies, gentle breeze, blooms all over the place. Pollen too. Goodness knows anyone with allergies are being affected. Me included. But who can stay in? Not me. Going out in the yard and for a walk. Went out last night to meet school friends at a local place where the band was our school's music  teacher, he is a fabulous guitarist, there were three horns, drummer keyboardist, three singers...LOUD...so much so that I further hurt my hearing while standing too close to the speakers and dancing with friends. I sure hope that my hearing gets better through the weekend...

[TearsInHeaven]

Brendan's Dad, I am very sorry for your loss of your little son and then your marriage.  I see you stated you were being negative but I don't think that is negativity, it is the heart of a bereaved parent. It was nice that you shared some of Brendan with us.  You can ALWAYS speak about him to us.  We understand how important that is for our hearts, well being and sanity. I am 3.5 years since my loss and while my son was grown, he will always be my son, my child.  Brendan's picture shows such a beautiful little boy with all the potential in the world ahead of him and sadly, you now are missing him, his future, and the hopes and dreams of him.  I know that his loss brought you to your knees and getting back up is not an easy thing to do. Grief does not come with instructions or a time table.  Most grief journeys take longer and are more difficult than we could ever imagine.  We must allow ourselves to feel whatever emotions our grief has produced inside of us instead of keeping our emotions tightly bottled up inside.  I know as a guy you feel like it is your job to protect them from all harm.  Some harm cannot be stopped, no matter how hard you try.  Keep in mind that the weight of grief is lighter when shared.  

[TearsInHeaven]

Margarett, Peggy, Virginia,  how kind of you and your words.  I know that offering words of comfort seems to open some comfort inside.

Susan,  good to see you. Hope you have weathered whatever has caused your latest storm.  Miss seeing you here.

Luanne,  hockey--unbelievable---Boston's Marchand just crossed the most disgusting line ever!!!! Did you see see him lick the guy from Tampa.  That was the most obnoxious thing ever.  Hope the NHL stops that and it costs him a boatload of money. I always thought Chara was bad but this tops the list.

 

[ericasmom]

Well said Dianne, about sharing grief having the effect of sharing the weight of it...and about how healing it is when one offers the hope that was offered here to Brendan's Dad...it is one of the ways that  we find our pieces again, as well as fit in the new pieces that we become.

[My girl is in heaven]

Dee.. sounds like u had a wonderful time.  Good to hear.

dianne.  I totally agree.  Nobody loves a good old hockey brawl more than me.....but Marchand was disgusting..I too hope he gets the book thrown at him,  and the ref said he didn’t see it..really???  Too bad cause he is such a talented player.  Jets still hanging on.  Love the cartoon.  We had a bad wind storm yesterday and some people still don’t have hydro.  I’m lucky I do. Between that and the ice storm a few weekends ago lots of hydro out here.  Hope I can get snow tires off next week.  

 

Have a a nice weekend everyone.....happy playoffs.   

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama.  

[hotrod]

Hello Dee AND MY ENTIRE INDIGO FAMILY.. THE 11TH anniversary  of Stephen's passing is  tomorrow May 6th  and  I just want to thank my Indigo family: Dee, Sherry and everyone here who helped me to survive this loss

The love and support that you showered on me during the first most difficult years, helped me to survive and to celebrate the  life he lived.   I just wanted to affirm  that he work you do here  realy saves lives .

  Thank you.    

[ericasmom]

Blessings sweet Betty, how very lovely to see your smiling Son shining out as he does, as he always will. And you Dear Woman, how are you? Are you enjoying spring as it finally came to NYC? I gasped when you said the 11th anniversary of Stephan's passing, how could it be? I know, as we are heading into the 15th anniversary. I remember when you came and I remember thinking how handsome your Son. Each day I would wonder if you would come back the next day...and you did,you came back and let us know about Stephen and about you. I think of you often, picture you walking Central Park, picture you feeding that one squirrel that seemed to know you.
Peace as you face tomorrow Betty, the number will always bring the bitter but His life will always be the sweet.

[hotrod]

Dee Thank you for your kind and loving words  I do hope you and your family are well.  I intend to spend today in quite remembrances which includes the wonderful help I received here so many years ago.  I still have the  the written  task  you gave us, entitled"One last day".   Remember--  We needed to write about what it would be like to have one more day with our child . It is fantastic way to remember -- Thank you 

[ericasmom]

STEPHEN...Bring the birdsong and the gentle breeze to your Momma's windows. Let her witness the squirrel antics and let the sun shine on her in ways that indicate you are nearby. And as we wonder what One More Day would be...we know that you have walked alongside your sweet Momma each day. Peace Dear One.

[Somersky]

I think this is just so beautiful ❤️❤️❤️

I think of Skylar 

someone in the community donated thousands of dollars to semiahmoo Secondary school where Skylar has his memorial scholarship....in memory of him. He said whenever he saw Skylar he lit up the room.

 

[Somersky]

Brendan’s dad....you have come to the right place. My friends here are amazing although I have never met them in person I know they struggle with the same situation. We are in this together and support one another.... please always feel free too post. My son too was a young athlete taken way too young ....  I don’t even question it anymore.... it is what it is. We are here for you 

[Somersky]

Dee... you are in my prayers 

[TearsInHeaven]

Betty,  our paths may not have crossed but  my prayers and thoughts are with you as you mark your handsome Stephen's Angel Date.    He has gone on ahead but will be waiting for you when you get there.

Kristen,  I so love that song even before my loss and it is so meaningful now.  Thanks for sharing.  What a wonderful gesture for someone to do to honor Skylar.  His presence touched so many and now can touch even more.  He will be remembered so well.

[ericasmom]

Kristen, I too love that song, and in fact, that song was playing on the radio a month or so after Erica died and I wept at the lyrics...very cathartic.

The Grandkids came by yesterday and helped me plant some annuals in some pots, it was fun to see them choose what was going where, digging in the dirt...I have always loved digging in the dirt. Today I have continued to do some planting and will be filling pots throughout the week. We have many pots and a large perennial garden as well. Lovely time of year right now.

[daveydow1]

STEPHEN.....STEPHEN......SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOUR  ANGEL DAY.

Betty------so good to see your post, and Stephen's nice smile.  I have thought about you

often, and remember your walks in Central Park, and the lovely concerts you attended.  I, so,

understand quiet times on these special days. 

Yesterday, was my baby Lisa's birthday....I spent it in quiet reflection....remembering  her.

 

Laurie------the corn is planted, next will be the soybeans.  Hoping that your area warms and gets

to the point where the farmers can get out in the fields and plant. Long  winter, wasn't it?

Dee-------Sorry to hear that your friend, Patti, the teacher has passed to her heavenly rest.  She

must have been a wonderful person. Prayers for her family, and friends.  So nice that you took

your class for a neighborhood walk, and that they observed flowers, bees, and nature coming alive.

The kids were probably glad to escape the hot classroom.

Yes, it was pretty hot here a day or two, but then moderated. Quite cold last night, though.....I had to

get an extra blanket out.

 

Diane-----Yes, I, too, love horses......have always been "horse crazy".  These horses belong to our

neighbors, and if they are grazing near the fence, they will come over to me....especially if I have something

for them.  There are three horses,...two bays and a black.  They used to have four, but sold one.  Beautiful pasture

with stream....and white board fences.  I do understand parents who are a bit reluctant to have children ride.

  Accidents can happen. I must have fallen off horses many times as a kid, but never injured, luckily.

Brendansdad--------I , too, remember you being here on this site, and your dear little son, Brendan.  It doesn't

matter if one has been off the site for awhile,  they are always welcome to come back and join in again.  I'm

sorry you are in a dark place, and you can come here and tell us about it......we are always here to listen.  Peace to you.

 

Kristin-----Thank you so very much for that lovely song  " The Arms of the Angel".  It is such a beautiful song, and I,

like you and Dee ,   (and probably thousands of others) find it so haunting and lovely.  I know you must think of your dear, son,

Skylar, when you hear it. 

Leah-------How are you doing?   If you're reading,  let us know how things are going for you & your family.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS. 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

[NiquesMom]

Missing my nique, for a very silly reason. I bought the new Star Wars movie for my husband's birthday Friday. We put it in today and I could not get the sound to work unless we were listening to it on French or Spanish.  Nique was always better at technology than I was.  Finally gave up and Kyle watched the movie in French.  Funny thing,  it didn't seem to bother him that he didn't know what they were saying. Can't wait until i see her again. 

Hugs ❤

[My girl is in heaven]

Virginia...never a silly reason to be reminded of your Nique.  I have always likened it to sitting in a boat.  Some times u see the waves coming and you can brace for them.  Then other times a rogue  wave just comes out of no where  from behind and you didn’t see it coming. it is a very rocky road we are all on.  Lean on us.  Good to know Star Wars can be enjoyed no matter what the language.

sherry.  Nice u had some quiet time to reflect on baby Lisa birthday.  I don’t know if it is grief or just getting old or maybe both but I absolutely cherish any moment I can be by myself and take in quiet peacefulness.  I used to go to a moms bereavement group and the first thing at the beginning of ever meeting the leader would say “now leave all the world out there when your here”.  I can just picture the beautiful countryside as u describe it.  Only cows and corn here.  Hope u r getting better weather than I am.  Three killed in horrible wind storm on Friday in Ontario.  Crazy weather this year

kate..you getting any spring yet.  Bet you and Ross are enjoying the Jets game.  I know I am.  Boston out and we’ll see if San Jose can hang on tonight.  Happy watching

 

Luanne.....Kira’s mom

[ericasmom]

Sherry, blessings on your Little White Winged Angel's Birthday. Little Lisa is smiling on you and loving you forever. Just as you love her forever. Love never dies.

[TearsInHeaven]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, little Lisa.  You are thought of so often.

[Brendan's Dad]

Thank you again for accepting me again with open arms.  Being here helps to remind me that I am not crazy. 

[TearsInHeaven]

Facing another lost birthday next week so I was looking around for blogs or advice to help the blues.  I did come across a good post for Mother's Day.  I know that we have a few fellow grievers that will be experiencing a first Mother's Day.  We moms know how hard that is and the first is especially difficult.  I found this on the site Whats YourGrief   http://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-a-child/   Wishing everyone peace, comfort and healing.

[ericasmom]

Dianne, thanks so much for your constant help with these kinds of concerns...so nice of you to help our Newbies, and all of us, navigate the world in our grief.

[daveydow1]

Dee,....Dianne-----LouAnn---------thank you for the dear sentiments for Lisa's birthday.

Louann----Sorry to hear about the severe windstorm and the the three who lost their lives.

Yes,  it seems that the weather is so unpredictable anymore. 

 

Brendansdad----You are not crazy.  I know that everyone who loses a child feels that way

sometimes, because it is so lonely and devastating to be without a beloved child.....so

unatural that they should go before us.  Please just keep coming back here to this site.\

Peace and comfort to you.

Georgina-----Have been wondering how you're doing?   

Kate------Are you seeing many signs of spring there?

 

WISHING   PEACE  AND A PEACEFUL  NIGHT'S   REST  FOR  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom-----sherry

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

WEll Chicago is up to its bad reputation...I remember when warmer weather meant the streets of the city were filled by kids and families, walking to cool off at the lakefront or playing in sprinklers...getting an icy from the corner stores...now this weekend, 40 shootings, 40! Unbelievably sad. What happened to the city? A city I love and grew up in, live in the suburbs now but love that great city that is now overrun with gang action. Sadness.

[Tommy's mum]

sherry I am catching up as my daughter is down briefly and I am behind with what is going on. Happy birthday to your precious little baby Lisa! Birthdays are kind of strange, they are sad because there won't be any more for that child, and also happy because you think back over old memories and past birthdays which can make you smile a little. I am guessing Lisa was very young when she passed, so I picture a chubby happy little baby looking down at you and your family knowing she belongs to you. I hope the day was speciial for you.

[My girl is in heaven]

Dee, so sad to hear. I bet there are beautiful things to see in Chicago.  Glad u live in the suburbs.  

Dianne.. thanks for posting.  Just shaking my head yes to every thing those mothers said.  I don’t know how I have been able to but mother’s day, Christmas, Easter, thanksgiving, etc.  I don’t let them fizz on me that much. I try to treat them like any other day. I only do the minimum that I have to for my boys for holidays.  However Kira’s birthday and angel date will always be difficult and Kira died on Father’s Day, so those days are difficult.  But no mother’s day is just another day to me. Holidays are kind of a dead spot for me. 

Lesley...how’s your dad coming along and how is your ankle.  Do you have warm weather yet. I don’t know much about England weather.  R u planting your garden yet?

Kate.. r u one of the 23000 people on the streets in Winnipeg waiting for the game? Should be good.oh wow OT on the Washington Pittsburg games.  Yikes which game to watch.  

peggy, margee, Virginia....how r u guys doing.  I know mother’s day will be tough on you.  Lean on us . You will get thru.

 

Gretchen, Collen, Georgina, Becky,  Tina, Susan.    How r things in your little corner of the world..?.

 

[Tinay]

Sad just sad. The 21st of this month will be 14 months. I don't count the days in my head any more. Just too many. I do have it on the calendar tho. Everyone has been waiting patiently for me to get my memorial tattoo. I was going to get it Wednesday because my niece needs hers a while before her wedding that's in July. I can't afford to get it so I told her she can get hers first. I'm not sure I set myself up to not get it or not. I will get it the first weekend in june. I have to. 

On a brighter note, first storm of the season is here. We loved thunderstorms. 

Praying for peace, no matter how small for everyone tonight and much love

Tina

[ericasmom]

Lesley, how nice that your Daughter is with you right now. Yes, how is your ankle?

Luanne, I still like holidays some, but don't go as all in as I used to...Mother's Day has always been a made up kind of day, but a sweet one. I remember Erica walking over from the nursery on the corner, bringing me a Gerbera Daisy to plant. Lovely. And yes, Chicago is a beautiful city, wish that those who think guns are the answer could find new ways, but some of that, a big portion of that is mind-set, and when the inequity that exists in some cities like ours, renders some schools and nieghborhoods to be without good schools, and the lack of good business in a neighborhood, and lack of taxing dollars for the area...it just is a vicious cycle, and another thing which makes our police force so weak is, the judicial system keeps turning these gang bangers back to the streets on bail, where the whole thing keeps on going, gang war,s and turf wars, and drug wars...So it will have to change in many ways for it to really change, good schools could be the biggest turn around to the culture of gang violence...BUt luanne, we have a marvelous skyline, a beautiful lakefront, a great deal of good green space, museums galore, great hotels and restaurants, teams of every kind...and architecture that is amazing.

 

[ericasmom]

Tina, perhaps Eri and Tinay are watching the storm together, Eri also loved storms.

[TearsInHeaven]

Luanne, the Penguins are gone!

The violence in chicago is out of control. 9 killed and 76 wounded this past week. We used to go into Chicago when my kids were younger. We always did the museums, aquarium, sporting events, ..We would go up and spend the day for Venetian night and the fireworks. I went to Roosevelt University and would leave at 10pm. I even remember going into the city with some girlfriends riding the train to window shop Michigan Avenue. Michael spent a lot of time up there when he worked for Jerry Springer then Kevin Mathews and Steve Dahl. You are so right Dee, a gorgeous skyline. Tim and I renewed our wedding vows for our 30th anniversary on the walkway behind the Oceanarium at night with the city lights behind us. Now we avoid the city completely.

[NiquesMom]

My aunt and uncle live 45 minutes from Chicago.  I visited them last summer. They took us into Chicago,  we got lost trying to get back home because of accidents on the freeway and ended up driving through a very sketchy neighborhood.  It made me sad to see those neighborhoods.  I was very happy to get back to the freeway.  Chicago was beautiful but I don't think I could live there, all the shootings scare me. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Sweet Sherry....I send my care and a heart full of compassion to you......you who stayed on this site for so long....and helped me so much when this grief journey was raw and new. I can only hope that all the care you give to others...you give to yourself in large amounts....especially on the day of remembrance of when that miracle was placed in your arms and heart. Those memories are yours and sacred.....between you and your baby girl. What I have learned....is that not even death can separate a parent from their child.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...and all my sweet friends that has asked about me.....I am doing very well. My busy cycle was 'family'.....and I had lots of company...the last left yesterday. Many gatherings and meetings with family to discuss...land, inheritance, mineral rights, leases and taxes and more taxes....since I have lost a child....'the things that use to matter...don't have the same importance'.....

Dee....I call it the 'slaughter of innocents' in Chicago....it just goes on and on. I can truthfully say that the guns used are not bought at a gun store where background checks and fingerprints are in order.....the 'black market' is very vast and deep and thriving all across our country....guns are smuggled across our borders as much as the deadly drugs...too bad we can't tax the black market...and use the funds to help eradicate it.

[Tommy's mum]

tina hope you are hanging in there. At some point counting the days seems pointless because the count goes ever higher. Try to count instead all the years you had Kiona the happiness she brought into your life, look at the things you have of her and from her the photos and videos and be proud that she was your daughter. She is so proud of the way you have kept on going the changes you have had in your life and the love you have for your loved ones.

virginia the violence in Chicago is awful. I am so glad we dont have guns here. Yes there has been a rise in knife crimes especially in London but all major cities in all countries have gang violence of some sort or other. At least with knives the body count is very much lower thank goodness although that is no comfort for the bereaved families. Each life is precious and mourned.

dee my Emily came just for 2 days she could not get more time off work and gave me my American mother's day card and a big bunch of flowers and a Yankee candle. It was so good to see her, my kids all live a few hours away so I see them every 2 to 3 months.

[Mermaid Tears]

[MargeeTx]

Hey all:   Today is the damned Tuesday.....16 weeks since Jason died.  Mike noted to me this morning that I am not bawling quite as much.   So of course, I started bawling.  There is so much mucus ( nurse term for snot ) and now I have a headache......yes, I am sitting pretty on the pity pot right now.  Until this week, our weather has been cool, with some rain last week.  The radio said this morning that we will be warmer today at 93..... it is only considered hot in Texas when it is over 100.  It is hot now.  I have decided to scale way down on the number of pots that I usually put on the deck... I will try to post a couple of pictures.  Anyway, I still haven't taken the time to tell you all my health story, but just trust me...my life is different now.  I have the plants, the dirt, and hopefully I will wake up earlier tomorrow and get them done.  Please know that I think of all of you and read the forum every day.  Oh, my brother got home to Lake Charles on Sunday.... he still has J-tube and will need lots of therapy, but he is so much better.... the prayers from you all were heard.