Why am I still here?

[Bruce A]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Bruce, you want me to send you the Dash lady?  Just kidding!

Who is the Dash lady? Did I miss something?

[KayC]

I posted about it on here somewhere yesterday or today...she wanted to move in with me and "help take care of my place" but she's older than I am and has very bad knees and walked away limping badly!  I manage, I've lived here 46 years, shoveled all my own snow (I live in the mountains) and hire done what I need done for yard work.  II have a very different  schedule/sleep time and eat very different from most (Keto), would not work and I don't know her from Adam!

[foreverhis]

8 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I know it was just a TV show, but I have often thought the "Golden Girls" arrangement made a lot of financial sense.  Three or 4 retired singles sharing a large nice home, pooling their resources to live in a home they couldn't afford individually, having their private bedroom and bath to retreat to, but having companionship and conversation.  Living with others improves your security  both in terms of crime and accidents or illness.

I just think it is really hard to put it into practice without one person actually being able to finance the home on their own.  

Just stuff I've daydreamed about.

Gail

 

 

You're not alone there, Gail.  My best friend (our sister-by-choice) and I have talked about that being a possibility down the road.  I've read articles about friends and relatives doing that, but I expect time will tell whether it works out well.

My friend and her husband (that's our brother-by-choice) have the same age gap John and I had, they're just a couple of years younger, respectively.  It could happen, though I hope not.

We've spent a lot of time traveling together.  When John and I moved, they and we started traveling back and forth.  Their now-adult kids considered our home their second home.  We have similar tastes and values, but we're also aware that we'd need our own space in addition to communal areas.  Something like each having a small studio apartment type room with bathroom, sitting area, and such, along with shared kitchen, living room, patio/garden, and maybe a 1/2 bath for company would be ideal.  How much it would cost and whether it would even be feasible is anyone's guess, but who knows, it could be something we consider if the time comes.

[DWS]

On 6/29/2023 at 3:31 PM, Gail 8588 said:

I know it was just a TV show, but I have often thought the "Golden Girls" arrangement made a lot of financial sense.  Three or 4 retired singles sharing a large nice home, pooling their resources to live in a home they couldn't afford individually, having their private bedroom and bath to retreat to, but having companionship and conversation.  Living with others improves your security  both in terms of crime and accidents or illness.

Big big "Golden Girls" fan here (Tom surprised me with the 7-CD box set on our last Christmas together) and I have often marveled at the concept of their type of living arrangement. Being a very private person, I also wonder if that's something I'd be comfortable with which is pretty strange considering that I'm the youngest of six kids so for a few years, I lived within a household where there were eight of us!

But this topic got me doing a bit of googling and sure enough, there are quite a few articles and interesting endeavours happening. Here's a Canadian website based on this model... https://goldenhomesharingconnections.ca/#:~:text=A Golden Girls Home is,house feel like a home.

And a couple of interesting reads...

https://www.simplemost.com/seniors-golden-girls-style-living-is-rise/

https://sixtyandme.com/living-with-roommates-in-retirement-the-golden-girls-were-right/

I could also see an "Odd Couple" arrangement working as well as long as both parties are comfortable with those roles. 

[Bruce A]

I never watched the Golden Girls. Were they all friends before they moved in together? I unfortunately, don’t have any family or friends that could share. I actually did a search for people wanting to rent a room just for the heck of it. I came across an article in our local paper about a guy who was renting a room from some people in their 50’s. He beat both of them so badly they are in the hospital. And he smiled for his mugshot. Needless to say that ended any thought of renting to a stranger.

[DWS]

3 hours ago, Bruce A said:

I never watched the Golden Girls. Were they all friends before they moved in together? I unfortunately, don’t have any family or friends that could share. 

They were strangers...two widows and one divorced who eventually brought along her mother Sophia too. 

Getting back to your mention of a reverse mortgage, you might want to do a bit of research on that. I brought the subject up to my financial adviser last year because of my financial fears and of course, he immediately balked at the very mention of it....but I had already done some digging on it.

The main issue seems to be that it eats away at the home's equity but that means it's gradually lowering the value of one's estate. I don't have any children to leave my "grand" wealth to and as for leaving anything to my nieces and nephews, they have all done so much better financially than their ol' Uncle Don. I'm the youngest of my siblings so I really don't have any one person that I plan to leave everything with. I laid out all of this to my financial guy. He saw my point so he told me that he was going to have a discussion with a friend of his who does mortgages. He got back to me and basically said that, in my case, it did seem like a smart option other than me selling the house or taking in a roommate . I'm keeping it in mind as a possibility down the road. Uprooting myself from my comfortable nest will be something that eventually happens but I hope to remain here for many more years. 

[Bruce A]

2 hours ago, DWS said:

Getting back to your mention of a reverse mortgage, you might want to do a bit of research on that. I brought the subject up to my financial adviser last year because of my financial fears and of course, he immediately balked at the very mention of it....but I had already done some digging on it.

The main issue seems to be that it eats away at the home's equity but that means it's gradually lowering the value of one's estate. I don't have any children to leave my "grand" wealth to and as for leaving anything to my nieces and nephews, they have all done so much better financially than their ol' Uncle Don. I'm the youngest of my siblings so I really don't have any one person that I plan to leave everything with. I laid out all of this to my financial guy. He saw my point so he told me that he was going to have a discussion with a friend of his who does mortgages. He got back to me and basically said that, in my case, it did seem like a smart option other than me selling the house or taking in a roommate . I'm keeping it in mind as a possibility down the road. Uprooting myself from my comfortable nest will be something that eventually happens but I hope to remain here for many more years. 

Yes. I have already talked to a guy who does them for a living. Like you I don’t have anyone that I would leave anything to. I don’t really care what happens when I’m gone. He said said it is a great option for someone in my position. I have looked at houses and I just haven’t found anything worth moving.  I still owe almost $100,000 on my house so if I did sell it I would have to move to somewhere really cheap and just don’t see the point of that. I don’t want to move just to move if it has no benefit.

For better or worse I will probably be staying where I’m at. I don’t plan on being around forever anyway.

Like I have said, I don’t really want to be here without Patti and I don’t think that’s gonna change. So I’m just trying to exist in the meantime.

[KayC]

Bruce, that makes perfect sense to me.  As for the car, if it'd help, sell it, like someone said, they're going for more now than before...IF you don't plan on replacing it.  My A/C might have a compressor gasket leak but they told us about the recall and want $350 up front to check it out, you have to sit there all day and it's 1 1/2 hours away from here! I'd have to bring Kodie with me, can't leave him in the house that long, and all just to check and see?  I have a warranty but of course it only covers what you don't need.

[RichS]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

My A/C might have a compressor gasket leak but they told us about the recall and want $350 up front to check it out, you have to sit there all day and it's 1 1/2 hours away from here! I have a warranty but of course it only covers what you don't need.

For us "seasoned veterans", remember the 70's song........."WAR (What is it good for? Absolutely nothing)? The song needs to be re-recorded and substitute WARRANTY for WAR. I love how merchants love to peddle EXTENDED WARRANTIES to us. That's a lucrative business within itself.

[KayC]

36 minutes ago, RichS said:

That's a lucrative business within itself.

It sure is, I've never found mine useful, cost me $2,000 (plus interest)...you watch, the day after seven years the computer in my car will go out!

 

[Bruce A]

We actually did take the warranty when we bought the car because it covered everything for 10 years and was a really fantastic deal. Like I said, it was our dream car and we envisioned keeping it for at least that long.

I was just going over my finances this morning and don’t see any way I can keep it.

 Very sad and depressing. And it has already been cloudy here for the last few days and my depression was already pretty bad. How do you carry on when you lose everything and then realize you can’t even afford to live.

[Bruce A]

11 minutes ago, Gator M said:

I'm trying to stay debt free.  This economy gives me the creeps.

I thought I'd have a paid off house and now I'm in arbitration.

I'm praying for all of us.

Maybe we all can get a big house somewhere. That Golden Girls thing is starting to sound more plausible.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Bruce A said:

How do you carry on when you lose everything and then realize you can’t even afford to live.

IDK, I did, but it was tough at times...I had $120 in the bank when George died, then I lost my dream job and it was the recession. I had two weeks left of unemployment when I landed my worst job! I had it for five years, was cut back to one day/week, after a year of that, put back for four days/week, then suddenly cut altogether. I'd applied at 350 jobs during that one year and no one hired me, any of those jobs I could have not only done but taught in college! I faced age discrimination for the first time in my life.  I didn't file unemployment the second time, I knew I wouldn't get hired by then so I retired...used my savings for four years (which I'd fortunately saved by then) and then took a year's penalty for life when I filed soc. sec. a year early.  I've never regretted it.  Sometime I don't know the answer but just do my best.

I tell you all this so you'll know, if I can make it, you can too! You're already showing careful thought and good judgement.

[RichS]

16 minutes ago, Gator M said:

then took a year's penalty for life when I filed soc. sec. a year early.  I've never regretted it.  Sometime I don't know the answer but just do my best.

I took an early retirement cut for both my pension as well as Social Security; and never regretted it, either. I don't mind working part-time gigs to supplement my income. I don't consider them work as I would with a full time job.

Tomorrow you may or may not have more money than today, but one thing is certain: You'll always have less TIME than you did today.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, Gator M said:

They say he's OVER QUALIFIED

I got that one too.

[Gail 8588]

On 7/1/2023 at 12:59 PM, Bruce A said:

. . . 

I was just going over my finances this morning and don’t see any way I can keep it.

. . .  How do you carry on when you lose everything and then realize you can’t even afford to live.

Bruce, 

I was in that position.  Without John's income I could not afford to live in the home we had been in for 14 years.  If it didn't sell quickly, I would have lost it to foreclosure.  I might have had to declare bankruptcy, I'm not sure. 

Fortunately it sold and I was able to downsize quickly.  I was lucky in that my SIL stepped in and did most all the heavy lifting, to do what needed to be done.  I  was a basket case, unable to make the most basic decisions.  My brain was just not working.  

I thank my SIL all the time for all she did to help me in those early years.   I am so grateful to be in my cozy little home that is paid for.   

I hope you have friends or a good real estate agent that can help you if you do need to downsize.  It's brutal while you are going through it, but life is better when your income exceeds your expenses. 

Good luck.

Gail

[RichS]

21 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

 I am so grateful to be in my cozy little home that is paid for.   

but life is better when your income exceeds your expenses.

Yes, and I'm grateful for no mortgage at this stage of my life. Paying my bills is not a problem, but those "unexpected expenses" really hurt. I know I'll eventually have to replace my 20 year old van and my 12 year old HVAC unit.

[Sheilz]

On 7/1/2023 at 1:42 PM, Bruce A said:

Maybe we all can get a big house somewhere. That Golden Girls thing is starting to sound more plausible.

How about "Three's Company" because count me in.  Great idea. 

[Bruce A]

50 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

Bruce, 

I was in that position.  Without John's income I could not afford to live in the home we had been in for 14 years.  If it didn't sell quickly, I would have lost it to foreclosure.  I might have had to declare bankruptcy, I'm not sure. 

I was looking over my finance’s yesterday and determined that even with a reverse mortgage I cannot afford to stay in my house. I have lived here over 23 years. Longer than anywhere else I’ve ever lived by far. Probably won’t be able to keep my car either. Hasn’t been a great weekend.

2 minutes ago, Sheilz said:

How about "Three's Company" because count me in.  Great idea. 

Okay but I’ll need two women who want to live with me.

[Griefsucks810]

On 6/18/2023 at 2:45 PM, Bruce A said:

People keep telling me that it’s part of God’s plan. Or my brothers favorite, God is in control. I haven’t read the Bible lately but I thought God always told people why he was giving them such a horrible burden. I keep asking God to give me an answer to why he has given me this unbearable burden but I get nothing.

I’m praying for you Gator.

I keep asking myself why God took my husband from me and why do I have to go thru this new life of mine alone. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 4/9/2023 at 11:18 PM, Bruce A said:

I just wanted to say thanks for all the kind responses. Daniel, that is the exact circumstance i had of holding the phone and wondering if I should call someone and interrupt their evening. Thank God I have been telling my brother to just call me before he goes to bed and say goodnight. I’m sure everyone on here knows the same feeling of not wanting to go to bed and just sitting up with the tv on. I like to watch hockey but I am already dreading the end of the season.

 

I constantly watch tv as it keeps my mind occupied but after a while I get bored with it and browse the Internet on my phone. It makes time go by and eventually I get tired and go to bed.

[immortalgypsy]

On 4/9/2023 at 6:43 PM, Bruce A said:

Does anyone have advice for coping with the nighttime when it starts getting dark out. That is when my depression is at its worst and I am gripped with terrible anxiety. Thanks

It’s getting so dark so early right now that I’m having trouble also.

[widower2]

6 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I constantly watch tv as it keeps my mind occupied but after a while I get bored with it and browse the Internet on my phone. It makes time go by and eventually I get tired and go to bed.

I don't watch TV much as I don't have cable because IMO most of what's on these days isn't worth the cost, so I have rabbit ears to get a smaller set of channels and also browse the net more...sometimes I'll go on youtube and browse something I'm interested in and to the right there are various other links, some related to what I'm watching, some not, that can take me down a rabbit hole and occupy the time. It's amazing how much is out there. 

As for dark, yes that has always been when it's been worst for me also...but the days are getting longer now and I'm so ready for that! 

[KayC]

Rabbit ears don't help in the country.  I have Dish network, but I agree, never anything on, I just space out on it while I cuddle my puppy and fall asleep eventually.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/5/2024 at 1:02 AM, widower2 said:

I don't watch TV much as I don't have cable because IMO most of what's on these days isn't worth the cost, so I have rabbit ears to get a smaller set of channels and also browse the net more...sometimes I'll go on youtube and browse something I'm interested in and to the right there are various other links, some related to what I'm watching, some not, that can take me down a rabbit hole and occupy the time. It's amazing how much is out there. 

As for dark, yes that has always been when it's been worst for me also...but the days are getting longer now and I'm so ready for that! 

I have a Roku tv which runs off the internet service I have with Xfinity and eliminates me having an expensive cable bill.  The Roku channel has a large variety of tv shows I can watch.  I haven’t been on YouTube for 2 months since I found this board. I read the posts here everyday sometimes every other day and I comment to posts often. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 7/2/2023 at 4:10 PM, RichS said:

Yes, and I'm grateful for no mortgage at this stage of my life. Paying my bills is not a problem, but those "unexpected expenses" really hurt. I know I'll eventually have to replace my 20 year old van and my 12 year old HVAC unit.

Glad to see that you don’t have a mortgage to pay and you’re able to pay your bills with no sweat.  My monthly rent is $1,300 and it includes my water usage - no water bill.  I pay for heat, electric and internet service which I’m on the low income programs on all three of them. I wouldn’t be able to afford a regular heating bill or electric bill on my income cuz I am a social security recipient and this is my only source of income.  I definitely wouldn’t be able to maintain a mortgage, taxes, insurance and house maintenance had I been a homeowner when my husband died cuz I definitely would have gotten a roommate to help with these expenses. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/4/2024 at 8:02 PM, immortalgypsy said:

It’s getting so dark so early right now that I’m having trouble also.

I don’t like it getting dark earlier in the day (usually between 4:45 and 5:00) cuz it’s pitch black outside.  When I wake up mid morning I remember that it’s still too early for the sun to come up and able to go back to sleep.  

[Griefsucks810]

On 7/1/2023 at 4:05 PM, RichS said:

I took an early retirement cut for both my pension as well as Social Security; and never regretted it, either. I don't mind working part-time gigs to supplement my income. I don't consider them work as I would with a full time job.

Tomorrow you may or may not have more money than today, but one thing is certain: You'll always have less TIME than you did today.

I also took an early penalty for life on my social security cuz I was 51 yo when I started to receive social security.  I don’t miss the money I could have been receiving from social security cuz I wasn’t told how much I’d actually receive had I worked until the age of 72.

On 1/5/2024 at 1:02 AM, widower2 said:

I don't watch TV much as I don't have cable because IMO most of what's on these days isn't worth the cost, so I have rabbit ears to get a smaller set of channels and also browse the net more...sometimes I'll go on youtube and browse something I'm interested in and to the right there are various other links, some related to what I'm watching, some not, that can take me down a rabbit hole and occupy the time. It's amazing how much is out there. 

As for dark, yes that has always been when it's been worst for me also...but the days are getting longer now and I'm so ready for that! 

The days are actually shorter cuz it becomes dark between 445 and 500 pm and will continue to do until Spring arrives. 

[widower2]

4 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

The days are actually shorter cuz it becomes dark between 445 and 500 pm and will continue to do until Spring arrives. 

True, the days are still short, but getting longer (starting after the December solstice)...ever so slowly! You must be very far North; here it's dark around 5:30ish. 

[Griefsucks810]

9 minutes ago, widower2 said:

True, the days are still short, but getting longer (starting after the December solstice)...ever so slowly! You must be very far North; here it's dark around 5:30ish. 

I live in Pennsylvania; what state do you live in?

[RichS]

8 minutes ago, widower2 said:

The days are actually shorter cuz it becomes dark between 445 and 500 pm and will continue to do until Spring arrives.

 

8 minutes ago, widower2 said:

True, the days are still short, but getting longer (starting after the December solstice)...ever so slowly! You must be very far North; here it's dark around 5:30ish. 

We turn the clocks one hour forward on March 10th. Between the minute or two of daylight we pick up each day between now and then PLUS the one hour forward once we get to March 10th, we should notice somewhat of a difference.

[widower2]

Small world; I'm from PA

 

 

1 minute ago, RichS said:

 

We turn the clocks one hour forward on March 10th. Between the minute or two of daylight we pick up each day between now and then PLUS the one hour forward once we get to March 10th, we should notice somewhat of a difference.

I used to first notice it a little sooner IIRC because I got off work at 5:30 and so noticed the diff between it's dark before I even go, it's mostly dark, etc until it got to a point where I could make it home before getting totally dark, which was a victory to me  

[KayC]

1 hour ago, widower2 said:

here it's dark around 5:30ish. 

Here too.  Oregon

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/5/2024 at 7:48 AM, KayC said:

Rabbit ears don't help in the country.  I have Dish network, but I agree, never anything on, I just space out on it while I cuddle my puppy and fall asleep eventually.

I also let my Roku tv run until I fall asleep next to my beloved cat.