Members Popular Post Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 22 On 1/2/2024 at 5:40 PM, foreverhis said: Absolutely 100% understandable. If you decide you're brave enough to open his iPad and listen, please don't feel you are weak or wrong if you just can't face it. Literally took me years to be able to listen to some music or watch music-related things. And to this day there are some orchestral pieces, musicals, operettas, and simple songs that I cannot take. I suspect that some will never be on my "okay to hear/see" list--and I don't fault myself for that. Here's a recent one. It's kind of a longish story. My John was a trombone player and musical director/conductor by avocation. Now, those who know low brass know that compositions, musicals, symphonies, etc. featuring them are uncommon. So when they get a chance to play, they're all in. Stravinsky's The Firebird concert suites are in that group because the passages for trombones are spectacular. John played it multiple times over the years, but one was a standout in my memory. Forever and always trombone players are told to keep the volume down most of the time because they can blow the roof off the building. This is true for some sections of Firebird. This particular conductor kept reminding the 'bones to balance, balance, balance with the rest of the orchestra--except one night during dress rehearsal week. The conductor was a trombone player himself, so he understood the frustrations and said, "Listen up, trombones. This is your one and only chance to let 'er rip. Play it loud and proud right now because you'll never get the chance again." They did. I was in rehearsals for a musical and never played in that particular orchestra, so when he came home that night and I asked, "How was rehearsal?" he grinned ear to ear, his eyes crinkling up with laughter, and he told me. Now, Firebird is really difficult for me to hear, even though it's such a good memory. I haven't listened to it intentionally since I put it on to play during his last day. I was rewatching an episode of a show we both enjoyed, but didn't remember that the background music for the dramatic denouement was the final movement of Firebird in all its glory. I had to mute the volume and wait, with tears in my eyes, because even just that much of it was too hard to hear. Maybe I'll try listening to it again this year, but maybe not. Music always evokes emotions, grieving the way we do can make it an emotional mine field. I have my husband’s iPad on my nightstand and haven’t listened to any of the songs he has on the playlists he created for over 2 years now. Ive looked at his iPad many times and feel the urge to open it but then the urge goes away and i feel empty inside. Two nights ago my mind was racing with thoughts of what was the name of that song I first listened to after he died? I couldn’t think of it for the life of me and my mind wouldn’t rest till I remembered it. The song is “Just you and I” by Kenny Rogers and Crystal Gale; the words were true of me and my husband and I only listened to the song 1 or 2 times cuz I cried while the song was played. My mind was telling me to find that song on my phone, play it and listen to the words - I didn’t give in and then my mind stopped racing. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 22 Moderators Report Share Posted January 22 It's curious how powerful music can be that way, even after a long time. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 On 1/2/2024 at 5:16 PM, foreverhis said: Oh goodness, that's completely understandable and common. I had so much pain and frustration and anger, and I directed some of it at my husband John. How dare he leave me when our lives were unfinished! How dare the universe take him from me! How dare the doctors not save him (though here I do have a little justified anger in certain delays)! Grief is not a simple emotional state at all. It's every emotion imaginable, including anger. They swirl around in our hearts and minds as we try to grasp the permanent changes, the shattering of our lives, and the gaping hole that now exists where before the road ahead was complete with our loves by our sides. It was not selfish of you to feel anger as part of your grief. Or if it was, then we're almost universally guilty of the same selfishness at times. Grief sucks and drains the life out of you emotionally and mentally. I expressed anger and frustration at my husband right after he died for breaking his promise to me that he’d never leave me… he did leave me but not by choice. I also expressed anger at him for leaving me all alone in this world and having to fend for myself too. Just now, widower2 said: It's curious how powerful music can be that way, even after a long time. Thank you for responding to my post. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kindred Spirit Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 Thought I'd jump in and share...My mom had a tremendous love for classical music but also very eclectic tastes. That said, I have Mom's playlist on my iPod. Amazing rock songs with deeply meaningful lyrics, like "Dust in the Wind," Queen's "Who Wants to Live Forever" and The Traveling Wilbury's "End of the Line." I can't listen to any of it - it's just too painful for me to hear "her" songs without her here to listen with me. I'm crying just talking about it...and I don't think I want to dwell on what these songs are all really saying... Things in our house were so awful and crazy the last few years with Mom's progressive illness, that music went by the wayside, but I've recently discovered the music of Avi Kaplan. He was the bass singer for Pentatonix but left the group, changed his style, and went out on his own. I feel such a connection to many of his songs. Whatever happened in his life, to me, he "gets" it. I'll share two of my favorites. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 On 1/2/2024 at 10:56 AM, KayC said: My husband loved music...at first I listened to it obsessively, but after the beginning I couldn't bear to. My husband loved music - reggae, punk, heavy metal, new wave, hard rock, rock and roll, electronica, etc. He wasn’t too big on the romantic songs. He would sit in his patio chair on the deck at our former apartment and have his iPad blasting music for the whole neighborhood to hear; it made him happy so I didn’t complain too often. I still have his iPad which has all the music playlists he created. I’m really considering opening up the iPad right now to look the the music playlists. I also retained older and various photos on the iPad. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted February 7 Moderators Report Share Posted February 7 Something a little different...not just about the song (which I like) but the person too. I still can't really watch this without a strong reaction to say the least: 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tina3ka Posted February 11 Members Report Share Posted February 11 My husband loved music, it was part of his being and he could not be with out it. Mostly we listened to his alter rock compilations in the car, it grew on me...and 80's rock love for which we had in common. When we stared to date he gave me his photo - small one to keep in wallet - and behind he has written " the jester who showed you tears"....little did he know at that time what this will mean now. I used to listen to his favorite songs all the time...everywhere....then our kids asked me to stop...it bothered them, I understand and I did. For me it fells just like he stepped out and will return in a few....I do it when I am alone now. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DWS Posted February 17 Members Report Share Posted February 17 I was listening to some music on Youtube this morning. In my feed was Donna Summer's masterpiece version of "MacArthur Park" which I've listened to hundreds of times throughout the years and is on her album that I've had in my record collection since I was 17. Written by the great Jimmy Webb and originally a big hit for Richard Harris in 1968, the lyrics have always been a source of jokes and punchlines throughout the decades...particularly the part about leaving a cake out in the rain and old men playing Chinese checkers by the trees. Must have been some heavy stuff Jimmy was smoking back then when he wrote this crazy tune!! Someone highlighted part of the lyrics in a comment on the video which brought me to tears. I knew Webb's words expressed his grief and aching sorrow for a relationship that had ended. They certainly hit me hard with my loss this morning. The cake out in the rain and not having the recipe again describe everything that's gone. Those were special ingredients that made up the two of us and they won't happen again. But along with that thought, here are the lyrics that the person left in the comments... “There will be another song for me And I will sing it There will be another dream for me Someone will bring it I will drink the wine while it is warm And never let you catch me Looking at the sun And after all the loves of my life After all the loves of my life You'll still be the one" That says it all in regards to my hope that something will eventually bring me back to life. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted February 19 Moderators Report Share Posted February 19 This doesn't have anything to do with memories per se or songs/artists we were big into, but I recently was reminded that when in doubt and looking for some feel-good tunes, it's hard to beat Earth, Wind and Fire Case in point: 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DWS Posted February 23 Members Report Share Posted February 23 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted March 14 Moderators Report Share Posted March 14 Geez you guys. I think like most grief, the frequency and intensity of music striking a tragic chord fades over time, but I was just reminded it never totally goes away. I heard a song and it just hit me. A love/hate thing I guess. Hate the pain, but love that there was a reason to have what I had and miss it. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brazil Man Posted April 17 Members Report Share Posted April 17 Don't leave me waiting here Lead me to your door" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted April 17 Members Report Share Posted April 17 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post HisMunchkin Posted April 18 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted April 18 Who can say for certain Maybe you're still here I feel you all around me Your memories so clear Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak You're still an inspiration Can it be That you are my Forever love And you are watching over me From up above Fly me up to where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for a while To know you're there A breath away's not far to where you are Are you gently sleeping Here inside my dream? And isn't faith believing All power can't be seen As my heart holds you Just one beat away I cherish all you gave me Every day 'Cause you are my Forever love Watching me From up above And I believe That angels breathe And that love will live on And never leave Fly me up to where you are Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight To see you smile If only for a while To know you're there A breath away's not far to where you are I know you're there A breath away's not far to where you are 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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