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HisPumpkin

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The simple ones are the best. Loved hearing about this dream. Treasure these dreams. I haven’t had one for a long time. Hope I do again x

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22 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm so glad you got this visitation, I never get them, rarely ever got them but by now I guess my body realizes he's not here...no idea, but I'm not jealous of you at all, I am so very happy for you!  To even have a glimpse into our lives together, even brushing teeth, that is precious!

 

19 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

The simple ones are the best. Loved hearing about this dream. Treasure these dreams. I haven’t had one for a long time. Hope I do again x

I hope both of you get your wish fulfilled of having a dream about them. That simple dream that I had made so much difference. It's hard to explain but as these weeks have flown by since Tom's been gone taking me further and further away from the time he was physically present in my life, that intensity of grief and the intensity of love started to dissipate. Life and society eventually pushes us to move forward and that can feel like we're leaving our loved one behind. I was getting used to Tom's absence instead of his presence and I was hating that. 

I wanted the intensity of emotions that I had during those first few weeks after his death. It felt warm there keeping me close to him and the love and commitment we shared but those intense emotions weren't a part of our everyday life before this happened. My dream reminded me of how we really were together...joking playfully enjoying each other's company while doing something mundane like brushing our teeth. That was the real us. It was no Hollywood romance of love to the nth degree happening every hour. It was us enjoying and battling the everyday world together. The dream brought me back down to earth and that, strangely enough, brought me back closer to Tom again. 

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So beautiful 😍 - glad you had this dream. I think dreams can be a way of our loved ones reaching out to us. Something to bring a smile to your face through the tough moments x

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It's interesting to me how songs can resonate in diff ways...for example this song for me it's mostly about the music; it has such a longing, "wistful" sound that always grabbed me (warning kind of a sad sounding song): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdwVhNpDGR8

 

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It's a long weekend here in Canada celebrating Canada Day and regarded as the official start to our short summer season. I guess I'm doing the best I can to muddle through it without Tom but it feels like pure hell as I keep looking around and questioning why he was taken from me so quickly and unexpectedly. We'd be doing nothing special...some yard work, likely a lot of walking and checking out local festivals...but we'd be doing it together and that made all the difference in the world. Doing a whole lot of nothing together. And now I have no want of doing much of anything or going anywhere. I did manage to get some yard work done yesterday...putting some of this unspent love into the gardens. 

A treasured pop classic from the past keeps playing in my mind now. It's funny how it's taken on such a different meaning from when I enjoyed it in my younger years. I'm a huge fan of Motown and despite the frolicking, boppiness of this tune, Diana seems to bring out the mournful sentimentality of the lyrics...

Jose Feliciano gives it more expression here...

 

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Happy Canada Day @DWS

Glad you got to spend time doing some gardening, it can be very calming and therapeutic. I like being out with nature and going for walks. That’s probably the only thing I enjoy doing now. Even the word enjoy, not really part of my vocabulary anymore. What do I enjoy doing, what do I like doing, what makes me happy? Questions I could easily answer before my husband passed. Now I have no answers.

I also question why my husband was taking from me so quickly and unexpectedly. Hard to accept and move forward, but muddling and trying each day is all we can do. 

I also feel you when you say you miss doing a whole lot of nothing together. Miss that too, it didn’t matter what we was doing with me and my husband, the simple things always the best and miss doing that with him.

Today I’m just chilling in the park, it’s a hot day in London, England, thinking of my hubby as I always do, every minute of the day, especially today as it would be our 23rd anniversary. Feel sad we can’t have anymore anniversaries together, but still kind of marking the day and maybe in time I can still celebrate it, although of course it won’t be the same.

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April Ballou
3 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

Happy Canada Day @DWS

Glad you got to spend time doing some gardening, it can be very calming and therapeutic. I like being out with nature and going for walks. That’s probably the only thing I enjoy doing now. Even the word enjoy, not really part of my vocabulary anymore. What do I enjoy doing, what do I like doing, what makes me happy? Questions I could easily answer before my husband passed. Now I have no answers.

I also question why my husband was taking from me so quickly and unexpectedly. Hard to accept and move forward, but muddling and trying each day is all we can do. 

I also feel you when you say you miss doing a whole lot of nothing together. Miss that too, it didn’t matter what we was doing with me and my husband, the simple things always the best and miss doing that with him.

Today I’m just chilling in the park, it’s a hot day in London, England, thinking of my hubby as I always do, every minute of the day, especially today as it would be our 23rd anniversary. Feel sad we can’t have anymore anniversaries together, but still kind of marking the day and maybe in time I can still celebrate it, although of course it won’t be the same.

I understand how you feel.  July 31st would have been my husband and mine anniversary.   People say time heals all wounds.  I don't think they lost their spouse. 

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I agree, I don’t think time will heal this type of loss, it’s part of us now. It’s just trying to live the best we can with it. Some days it is so hard to do the simplest things, other days it is a little easier.

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April Ballou

That's true.  Our lives will never be the same.

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April Ballou

everything I hear this song I think of Darrell.

 

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17 hours ago, April Ballou said:

That's true.  Our lives will never be the same.

I was just thinking about that a few minutes ago...another holiday (July 4th Independence day here in the US) should be with family but kids have their own lives, husband long gone, alone.  You know how sometimes you can feel alone in a crowd?  That's how I'm feeling today.  Will make an appearance at my church's BBQ and bring some food, but my heart's not into it.  I want to belong somewhere...have a family...

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April Ballou

I understand.   I promised my mother in law that I would go down there.  I will be there but I would rather be somewhere else.   It's Darrells family,  not mine.  I just want to be somewhere where I can feel like I belong. 

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8 minutes ago, April Ballou said:

I just want to be somewhere where I can feel like I belong. 

(((hugs))) I'm glad they thought of you, that's more than I got, but I understand completely..  Love you!

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April Ballou
3 hours ago, KayC said:

(((hugs))) I'm glad they thought of you, that's more than I got, but I understand completely..  Love you!

Love you!

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13 hours ago, KayC said:

I was just thinking about that a few minutes ago...another holiday (July 4th Independence day here in the US) should be with family but kids have their own lives, husband long gone, alone.  You know how sometimes you can feel alone in a crowd?  That's how I'm feeling today.  Will make an appearance at my church's BBQ and bring some food, but my heart's not into it.  I want to belong somewhere...have a family...

At least you got out and among people Kay, good for you. I spent the day alone at home. An ex "friends" couple had their annual big cookout today but I wasn't about to go. They haven't said anything to me (even online) in 2+ yrs. Oh well, I still did the American thing and grilled a burger and lit some fireworks. :)   

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I went to the church BBQ, brought a couple of Keto desserts.  I didn't feel like staying up and going to fireworks, I'd taken Kodie to the park yesterday and there was so much traffic, noise, people we had to leave after a short time.  Enjoyed myself at Mike and Iris (Kodie's playdate's parents) as they had friends up and they were nice.  That was enough for me, otherwise uneventful...kids didn't call.
Today it's pouring so no lawn mowing until this weekend, dandelions having a hayday.  Panther got me good yesterday, have a bandage to show for it now, I'm a wee cautious now.  He has razor sharp claws!  Still he's been very affectionate...have to remember feral cats can turn on a dime!
Today it's a long trek to the valley to the doctor and get groceries, I hate going to the valley, esp. after not sleeping.  Kodie didn't sleep last night, hence, neither did I.
Sorry, I'm way off track here, my mind isn't working today, tired!
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April Ballou

@KayC I went to my in-laws house and got my eyes opened.  But it was good that you got out.  Sorry about Panther scratching you.  I will keep you in my prayers 

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Hope you feeling better @KayC and csn get some better sleep today. I couldn’t sleep yesterday either - was still looking at the clock at around 4am! Will sleep today.

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Thank you, posted about my day in the stress thread...having a hard one today too, after 5 1/2 hours sleep in two days, it will be hard.  I want so bad to just stay home!

April, I'm sorry things didn't go as you'd hoped.  It sounds my 4th went better than yours, it was low key unlike since.

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April Ballou

Thank you @KayC.  It's the way things are we can't change them.  Can't change the way people treat you.  I will be praying for you that all goes well for you and that you will be able to get some sleep soon.

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I was listening to some Dixie Chicks recently and their cover of this song came on.  Even though it relates to a break up, the sentiment remains the same.

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12 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Even though it relates to a break up, the sentiment remains the same.

Yes, there are so many songs where that same sentiment applies. This masterpiece by Roy Orbison stays within my top five favourite songs of all-time. Its sentiment now resonates so purely to me. "My part of the crowd is not with me tonight" just knocks me to my knees.

 

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"I turned on the lights, the TV and the radio / Still I can't escape the ghost of you / What has happened to it all? Crazy someone say / Where is the life that I recognize? / Gone away."

 

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2 hours ago, LostThomas said:

This Old Guitar by John Denver

John and I love this one.  Actually, we love quite a lot of his songs.  "My Sweet Lady" brings me to my knees and always will, I think.

He put John Gillespie Magee Jr.'s poem "High Flight" to music and it's simply stunning.  We have a lot of pilots in the families.  My uncles were private pilots, John's dad was a flight instructor in WWII, my dad was part of the Naval Aviation Photographic Unit in the reserves during and just after Korea, John worked for NASA in college during Gemini and Apollo, and almost all my grown up career (after 3 years of teaching) was in aerospace and aeronautics (including working with Navy and Air Force pilots).  We went to air shows whenever we could and once I was able to arrange for John to attend a private dress rehearsal of the Blue Angels. 

John was working toward his pilot's license when he had his bicycling accident that damaged an optic nerve and part of one retina.  After laser surgery, he had lost a bit of inner vision that was enough to disqualify him.  It was really hard to see that dream die.  So now every time I hear or think about John Denver's song, I think of John finally flying free, soaring with the Peregrine falcons that live nearby.  Brings tears to my eyes every time.  Flying was sacred and airports were sacred ground to him because he felt it was the closest we could be to the universal spirit and God (in whatever form a person believes) while still living on earth.  I think that's where he developed his more universal beliefs in faith, rather than the specific denominations of our upbringing.

And here I go with tears again, hoping so much that our souls do soar like that.  He deserves that.

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7 hours ago, foreverhis said:

And here I go with tears again, hoping so much that our souls do soar like th

I strongly believe they do.

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Bruce Springsteen has recently released a new album "Only The Strong Survive"...over a dozen of his renditions of classic soul and r&b tunes. That's a great album title for this long-time truly talented artist and storyteller. One of the songs included is his cover of "What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted"...one of my all-time favourites....but, in my opinion, the original by Jimmy Ruffin is still the best. I've been listening to it quite a few times over the last few weeks. I just love the intensity of the background vocalists throughout this caring sermon and am in awe how fitting it is for us grievers. The last couple of lines are helping me..."I'll be looking everyday, I know I'm gonna find a way, nothing's gonna stop me now, I'll find a way somehow". 

 

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I miss you so much
 

END  (by Eduardo Darnauchans)

 

When you feel lonely

in front of the dark door

and that uncertain rain

touches your forehead and runs

 

Remember me,

my best time, remember me

Not the thorn, the flower, the flower

if there was a flower.

 

When the daylight

captures you without anyone

only the tree and the air

in the gloomy plaza

 

All was a distant platform

without voices nor smoke

places where there was

a sad visitor

 

Remember me,

my best time, remember me

Not the thorn, the flower, the flower

if there was a flower.

 

Now that there's nothing

only photographs

cardboard where life

is an imagined rose

 

Remember me,

my best time, remember me

Not the thorn, the flower, the flower

if there was a flower.

 

(This was a song from an album he used to listen to when we started as a couple and when we started to live together. I remember the atmosphere of that room, his room, so welcoming. So missed days ...)

 

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I miss you so much

With him, my life and my heart were full and complete. No matter what, as long as being with him.

I had been waiting for him ALL my life, he was my dream come true. I thought I had been so lucky .

"Better than I was
More than I am
And all of this happened
By takin' your hand

And who I am now
Is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free"

That's how I once felt, with him. Totally different now, without him.

 

I love you... I would have never got tired of repeating it to you, I love you, with all my soul.

 

 

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It is such a coincidence that this thread would pop up today.  I was just thinking about it yesterday.

I realized that every time "It Might Be You" (Dave Grusin, the theme song for Tootsie) comes on the radio, I just start crying.  The movie came out just about the time John and I went from being friends to being together.  With that song so popular, it seems inevitable that it would resonate for me.  We didn't have it at our wedding, but it's always been in the back of my heart as meaningful to us.

ETA:  I let the YouTube play as I was typing.  Cosi had been chilling on the windowsill.  As the song continued, she climbed over the sofa and next to me on her snuggly bed, where she proceeded to pad and demand love.  She lay her head on my hand, closed her eyes, and purred gently.  Darn if that didn't set off the tears even more.  Our animal companions aren't just affected by music; they're affected by how music affects us.  At least, that's what I believe.

 

Edited by foreverhis
Cosi cat
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On 1/2/2023 at 10:49 PM, foreverhis said:

John and I love this one.  Actually, we love quite a lot of his songs.  "My Sweet Lady" brings me to my knees and always will, I think.

Big John Denver fan. I stumbled across a song of his well after my loss that resonated, "For You"....there's a live version on youtube with him playing piano and a string section which is...well, it's John Denver. His was a terrible loss too. RIP

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George was big into music, he had very eclectic taste and loved almost all kinds.  We had so many "our songs."  Even now it's hard to listen to them, it breaks my heart...the missing him becomes on high alert.

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I hear you Kay. And yet....on her birthday, it's those songs I listen to. Bittersweet.

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Listening to some music tonight and thought maybe the thread was worth a bump 

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2 hours ago, widower2 said:

Listening to some music tonight and thought maybe the thread was worth a bump 

Why not?  And here's something I've been thinking about as the atmospheric rivers keep flowing and the winds keep howling and the nights are still so cold.  It's literally true this year, but the romantic sentiment is apropos.  The original Deanna Durbin and the classic Ella Fitzgerald.

It's been an ear worm for a week!

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The music George and I listened to is still a trigger, thankfully they don't play it on the radio anymore...

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DancesWithWolves
On 3/19/2023 at 10:46 PM, widower2 said:

Listening to some music tonight and thought maybe the thread was worth a bump 

Thank you so much.  I've spent the last two hours reading this thread, saving songs, crying, and being grateful for this community that shares so openly.  There have been so many days where I start to believe that no one has ever experienced grief before.  

"Someone You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi has been in my mind on repeat lately, especially as "the day bleeds into nightfall."

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
It's easy to say
But it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain
Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
It's easy to say but it's never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape
Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around
For now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
But now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you're not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved
 

 

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I had an incredible dream last night where my partner Tom, my best friend Lori, and my oldest sister Carolyn were all at a family gathering at my parent's house. Lori and Carolyn both passed away in 2008 which was almost  ten years before I met Tom....but here we were all together at a holiday get-together. Tom and Lori were in the basement with my brothers and a couple of my uncles playing pool.  The imagery of seeing my two favourite people in life together is now seared into my thoughts. It's just amazing what is all stored in our heads and how they will fall out in our dreams. 

 

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I am so glad you got this wonderful dream!  What's to come!  And I love this song, I grew up with older sisters so when I was a kid I heard the Everly Brothers a lot, I still love them! I used to have this record, wish I still did but no record player...thank you for sharing this!

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25 minutes ago, KayC said:

I used to have this record, wish I still did but no record player...thank you for sharing this!

I have the 45 in my collection as well. My sister Carolyn bought it in her teens so I cherish it along with the others she bought back then. It was actually the "B" side that was more of her favourite...the rocking "Claudette".  I can still see her dancing to that. 

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27 minutes ago, KayC said:

Do you have a record player?

I have two from my DJing days! Here they are with Daniel...

Daniel and the turntables for forum.jpg

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Oh wow, I'm impressed!  Vintage!  And you were a DJ!  My stepson was also.

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11 hours ago, KayC said:

Do you have a record player?

What are these "records" you speak of?

;)

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I heard this one by accident, never heard of the group, but it struck a chord:  

 

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@widower2 I had never heard of this group either, but that simple song is apropos for always. So often I say to John “I just miss you so much.” Yeah, what else is there to say, really?

Thank you for sharing this.

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