Music and Memories

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, Brazil Man said:

"Would you know my name?
If I saw you in Heaven
Would it be the same?
If I saw you in Heaven" 

 

This one gets me every time.

[widower2]

All great stuff folks.  A change of pace from the poignant and touching if I may to the lighthearted and upbeat...a group she loved and I didn't until much later in life, and if I feel like an uplifting song, this sure qualifies  Sometimes ya just gotta be silly. We shared that. 

 

[foreverhis]

On 11/2/2023 at 10:18 PM, widower2 said:

All great stuff folks.  A change of pace from the poignant and touching if I may to the lighthearted and upbeat...a group she loved and I didn't until much later in life, and if I feel like an uplifting song, this sure qualifies  Sometimes ya just gotta be silly. We shared that. 

 

One of the great things about disco and related music/clubs in the '70s and early '80s was that we could go out after theater or music performances to blow off extra adrenaline/energy and just have fun.  We were all musicians and performers anyway; some of us (raises hand) were dancers as well.  And being in a group made it very safe and comfortable.  By the mid '80s, swing and Latin were coming back in style, so we hopped on those options right quick!

Yes, sometimes we just need to have a little light.  Here's another.  I was going to link the official version, but found this one from the show Crossroads, where newer musicians or groups were asked to choose another musician or group from a different genre and whom they admired to perform together.  The Dixie Chicks (well, just The Chicks now) chose James Taylor, who said yes.  John and I really didn't watch shows like that, but this one we did.  The video and audio on this copy aren't great, but...James Taylor.  It was such a fun watch.

 

[widower2]

JT is legendary for being so much fun in concert and such a great live performer. 

[Brazil Man]

"If a man could be two places at one time
I'd be with you
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way"
 

 

[foreverhis]

36 minutes ago, Brazil Man said:

"If a man could be two places at one time
I'd be with you
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way"

How eerie that you would post this one today.  It played on the radio while I was out running my weekly errands.  I hadn't heard it for years.  So true and honestly, I asked John out loud, "Do you feel that, love?"

[ThereIsAField]

Grief and music is still a very, very dicey topic for me... sigh...

Heard this on the radio today and it's actually one of the grief songs that I find really helpful.

 

I think the reason this song doesn't do that full on grief sucker punch to me is because it's written from the perspective of "us that are left behind"... It's not perspective of the grieving person talking to the person they lost.

That "us that are left behind" perspective is helpful for me... I've been thinking that if I started a local grief group, I'd call it "The Leftovers"... cos that's what I feel like, like we're the ones left over...

 

...Here's to the ones that we got
Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
Of everything we've been through
Toast to the ones here today
Toast to the ones that we lost on the way
'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories
And the memories bring back, memories bring back you...

[DotPark]

The house is so quiet now, 10 weeks in...so I thought hey, maybe music would help. I started with Mozart's clarinet concertos and that was fine, my kid played clarinet so that was a safe connection for me. But the next selection was the soundtrack to When Harry Met Sally and oh what a downward spiral that sent me into. (Our song was "I Could Write a Book." ) I tried again with a Broadway cast recording of Chess and that worked, no tears. I could get immersed in the characters' problems because they were so unlike my own. I think music will help me but I've got to take a long look at a CD for any possible triggers first to stay out of the pit. 

[foreverhis]

15 hours ago, DotPark said:

I tried again with a Broadway cast recording of Chess and that worked, no tears. I could get immersed in the characters' problems because they were so unlike my own.

That's one I played earlier on as well.  The trouble with it is that so many songs are ear worms, at least for me.  There are many musicals that were good for the early months and a few that were impossible. 

I have to confess that there are times I play songs I know will get to me because there's a certain catharsis I find helpful if I'm keeping too much inside.  But there are also songs, musicals, etc. that I am not certain I'll ever be able to hear again without completely falling apart.

And then there are the unexpected songs I don't know, but come on either music streaming or in a show or movie that hit hard.  I was watching an episode of a show I like quite a bit.  It had a difficult secondary story line (main character's mother was dying).  The writers and actors did a good job.  I was fine with it right up until a song I'd never heard in my life came on and flattened me.

Music can be such a painful and difficult thing for so many of us.

[DotPark]

This is an obscure song but if you want catharsis, try The Last 40 Years by Craig Carnelian. Tears my heart right out of my chest, and we were only married for 15.

[widower2]

57 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

I have to confess that there are times I play songs I know will get to me because there's a certain catharsis I find helpful if I'm keeping too much inside. 

That probably describes at least half the songs I've posted here. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's catharsis or I'm just a masochist. In fact some of my "favorites" along that line I haven't posted as I didn't think they'd appeal and/or maybe were just too depressing...good to know I'm not the only one who can actually get into sad songs during times of grief though. 

 

15 minutes ago, DotPark said:

This is an obscure song but if you want catharsis, try The Last 40 Years by Craig Carnelian. Tears my heart right out of my chest, and we were only married for 15.

There's nothing "only" about 15 years; we were together less than that. The average marriage lasts for about 7 or 8 I believe.

[DotPark]

4 minutes ago, widower2 said:

There's nothing "only" about 15 years; we were together less than that. The average marriage lasts for about 7 or 8 I believe.

The "only" refers to the 40 years in the song. It was a spectacular 15 years.

[foreverhis]

On 11/7/2023 at 5:58 PM, DotPark said:

This is an obscure song but if you want catharsis, try The Last 40 Years by Craig Carnelian. Tears my heart right out of my chest, and we were only married for 15.

This shows how much of a musical theater geek and musician I am. I went and found it on YouTube. Sung by Paul Lucas. I thought, “Wow that sounds like a musical theater voice and like a song from a musical.” This, of course, leads me down the rabbit hole of searching.

Sure enough, it’s from an Off Broadway musical called Pictures in the Hall. There’s even an original cast recording available.

The YouTube video portion reminds me of “Killing Me” by Luke Sital-Singh, which happens to be the song I mentioned earlier that flattened me at the end of an episode of Silent Witness.

 

How strange that they would be so similar in that regard.

[DotPark]

Oh yeah, that's a tough one. For a fellow MT geek, how about Joe Iconis' "Starting to Forget"? My favorite version is by Celia Keenan-Bolger. (BTW I have the OCR of Pictures in the Hall!)

[DWS]

I got brave last weekend. For years, one of my go-to albums to play on weekends is Dusty Springfield's "Dusty In Memphis" and so I decided to play the cd and see how it would be to have this familiar musical background again in my life...something that totally stopped when I lost Tom. I was doing okay with it as I puttered around the house but then I was gutted as the song "No Easy Way Down" played. 

Carole King wrote it. I love the song and, in the days before my loss, always regarded it as a bit of a loving lecture that a friend (or maybe jilted lover) relayed to someone who was defeated by love. As I stood and listened, it took on new meaning and became so self-reflective...the telling of my love story. It certainly describes so much of this grief journey and yes, the view from the cliffs was exciting:

Your toy balloon has sailed in the sky, love
But now it must fall to the ground
Now your sad eyes reveal just how badly you feel
'Cause there is no easy way down

The view from the cliffs must have been exciting
And up to the peaks you were bound
Now you're stranded alone and the path is unknown
And there is no easy way down

No, it isn't very easy when you're left on your own
No, it isn't very easy when each road you take
Is one more mistake, there's no one to break your fall
And lead you back home, yeah

We all like to climb to the heights of love
Where our fantasy world can be found
But you must know in the end when it's time to descend
That there is no easy way down

You know you're gonna find
There is no easy way down

 

 

[DotPark]

"there's no one to break your fall" Oh wow, that stings! Feeling that a lot. Thank you for sharing it.

[Sar123]

We both loved certain musical artists and groups and went to a lot of different concerts throughout the years. Our first date was at a concert. I’ve avoided listening to his favorite artists because it’s been too painful, but this week has made me want to listen to them again. The grief counselor who leads the grief support I’m in had us bring pictures and/or something our spouses/partners treasured. I knew what it was going to be. His all time favorite artist was Bob Marley. He were able to meet him at a music store (he was in town for a concert) and he signed his album. It was a long line and I had gone first. I waited for him by the door. Well, Bob took D aside and talked to him for about 5 minutes! When he reached me, I asked him what he said and he was too excited and couldn’t remember anything he said. We laughed about it. When my kids whisked me off to Mexico after the funeral, we kept hearing Bob Marley songs everywhere we went. It made us feel like he was with us. I’ve been listening to his music this week. His other favorite singer/songwriter was Tom Waits. His song “Hold On” still gets to me.

” oh, you’ve got to hold on, hold on

Babe, you’ve got to hold on and take my hand 

I’m standing right here, you gotta hold on” 

 

[Brazil Man]

"'Cause you left me just when I needed you most"

 

[Brazil Man]

"Hold me till the morning comes
Until I see your smile
Take all the sadness from your eyes
Hold me till the morning sun
Let me stay we've just begun
I wanna stay with you" 

 

 

[Brazil Man]

Gone too soon

 

[widower2]

I've debated if I should post this...FYI this is a very slow, sad-sounding song, so if you aren't in the mood to "let it all hang out," probably best not to click. Also it's an instrumental piece featuring electric guitar...but it's considered a classic (trivia: written by Stevie Wonder, though it doesn't sound at all like anything else I ever heard from him). 

 

[Sparky1]

10 hours ago, widower2 said:

I've debated if I should post this...FYI this is a very slow, sad-sounding song, so if you aren't in the mood to "let it all hang out," probably best not to click. Also it's an instrumental piece featuring electric guitar...but it's considered a classic (trivia: written by Stevie Wonder, though it doesn't sound at all like anything else I ever heard from him). 

 

One of the greatest guitarists ever that just passed away not too long ago.  Mr. Jeff Beck.  Him and Rod Stewart did quite a lot of music together. Look up     ' People Get Ready', it is a haunting song and has a message of hope,  I won't say what it is, just look it up on YouTube. Simply amazing talent both of them.

[Roxeanne]

6 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

One of the greatest guitarists ever that just passed away not too long ago.  Mr. Jeff Beck.  Him and Rod Stewart did quite a lot of music together. Look up     ' People Get Ready', it is a haunting song and has a message of hope,  I won't say what it is, just look it up on YouTube. Simply amazing talent both of them.

I love that song Sparky!

[Brazil Man]

" This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us" 

 

[KayC]

It's funny how we all handle it differently...George loved music, had very eclectic taste.  Everything but rap.  Classical, rock, pop, country, Reggae, Jazz, so almost all of it.  Rap is not my favorite by a long shot but I appreciate the talent that goes into it.  It wasn't as common back then.

At first I listened to all of his music, crying over our songs...then I just couldn't any more.  I gave away the ones that didn't appeal to me and although I have never gotten rid of our songs, I can't listen to them anymore either...it'd tear me up.  Even with this long gone by.  Breathe was one of ours, but we had so many...Here I stand...

[widower2]

On 11/27/2023 at 8:24 AM, Sparky1 said:

One of the greatest guitarists ever that just passed away not too long ago.  Mr. Jeff Beck.  Him and Rod Stewart did quite a lot of music together. Look up     ' People Get Ready', it is a haunting song and has a message of hope,  I won't say what it is, just look it up on YouTube. Simply amazing talent both of them.

I prefer his classic instrumental albums of the mid/late 70s or so tbh. Just amazing stuff. He did some clunkers too but hey, so did Paul McCartney, nobody's perfect   

[Boggled]

On 10/13/2023 at 11:20 AM, ThereIsAField said:

Ohhhhh this thread... I've been staring at it for months, ignoring it intensely, cos I knew I wasn't ready to deal with it... I'm about half way through reading it now... Thank you to everyone who contributed such honest and heartfelt songs and thoughts.

Same way I feel.  Music whoooof.   haven't read this thread YET I don't think except a couple posts, I keep away from it.      

But the theme song from Star Trek "Voyager," is one I associate with my beloved husband, seems to express courage, loyalty, honor, all the things I admire/d ...

Bing Videos

[DotPark]

Went to see the film version of the Broadway musical Waitress with my actor daughter today. She thought it would be fun, we loved seeing it live in NYC in 2016 (and had a friend in the show). I've been to a couple of movies by myself since I lost Tom, documentary/history type films. This was my first with any type of romantic angle and hoo boy I did not see that coming. NO MORE OF THAT PLEASE. Thank God for the mom stuff at the end. I held onto my daughter for dear life during Everything Changes.

Tom and I went to see Broadway shows all the time. We'd stay on Central Park and see four in a weekend, when we could find a Sunday matinee. When my kid was younger, we would always wait at the stage door and get autographs. Happy times. Just don't remind me of them now. 💔

[widower2]

I haven't been into Christmas music at all for a long time, but over the years I've found I'd like to hear something along those lines...but the "classics" I know just don't appeal...so I found a happy medium: I found songs that are in the spirit of Christmas but not the classics by various artists I'm familiar with to one degree or other (Shawn Colvin, Dan Fogelberg, Billy McLaughlin, Windham Hill stuff, Fourplay, etc).  

[Brazil Man]

Crying

 

[DWS]

11 hours ago, widower2 said:

I haven't been into Christmas music at all for a long time, but over the years I've found I'd like to hear something along those lines...

I definitely can't do Christmas music any more. I was one who always enjoyed making up playlists each year of the more obscure versions of familiar seasonal tunes. One of my favourites is a various artists CD entitled "Christmas Cocktails"...ultra-lounge "Hi-Fi holiday cheer from Santa's pad" with songs orchestrated by Billy May, Ray Anthony, and the Hollywood Strings. "Cha Cha all the way" with the Capitol Studio Orchestra. 

But not now and maybe not ever again. I popped into a dollar store the other day and was greeted with the opening strings of Doris Day's "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". I told myself "don't listen...grab your detergent and get the hell out of here"!! 

[foreverhis]

Our daughter linked the FB video of this.  I found it on the original website.

I am half convinced that if every person in the world was a musician, we'd finally have peace on earth because music erases borders and boundaries.  I put this on my laptop and cranked up the volume.  Then I did something I haven't done since before John was diagnosed:  I got up and started bopping around the living room.  Cosi looked at me like I was crazy.  I asked, "What?  You've never seen me dance before?"  Then it occurred to me that no, actually she hasn't because dancing isn't something that comes to mind now. 

I picked her up and took her along for the ride.  She didn't squirm or anything, but I could see her thinking, "What the heck are we doing?"  When it was over, I put her down and she zoomed over to her play cube and toys.  "You want to play, mom?  Let's play!" and proceeded to vigorously attack a mousie before bringing over so I could toss it for her. 

I guess that's a step forward because I would never have been able to do that even 2 years ago.

Doctor, My Eyes from around the world

[widower2]

Awesome FH! There were others who did similar stuff when covid broke out, love the connection of diff musicians from all over. This is the one that came to mind I recall: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4sK8d48Exs  (Doobies Bros, "Listen to the Music")

PS too bad you didn't video tape the dance    

 

[foreverhis]

On 12/16/2023 at 6:40 PM, widower2 said:

PS too bad you didn't video tape the dance

😂 Phew, good thing there are no hidden cameras in my house…that is, of which I am aware.

On that note, we had a yoga gals Christmas party after class yesterday. The friend who hosted put on “All I Want for Christmas is You” and cranked it up. One friend actually snuck in a little video of eight women in their 60s and 70s rocking out to it. (No way am I posting that! We will say it’s to respect the privacy of others.)😉

The Doobie Brothers music sure brings back memories. I was raised in the Bay Area, Cupertino-San Jose to be exact, and they are “local boys.” I was in high school early to mid 70s, so their music was part of the landscape of my teen years and into my early 20s. I still know all the lyrics.

ETA: That’s the same organization as the Jackson Browne. I definitely need to explore the website.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Sim7079 said:

something I wouldn’t have done either two years ago

I'm glad you're getting that back!  Maybe I'll dance with my doggy today!

[foreverhis]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

I'm glad you're getting that back!  Maybe I'll dance with my doggy today!

Kay, you definitely should. It’s up lifting, part of making a joyful noise. Cosi still thinks her human mama is a weirdo. OTOH, she’s kind of correct.😁

[Brazil Man]

Honey

 

 

[JonathanFive]

I remember this song from my childhood.  When I was a kid, I thought it was because, "they brook up.'   You know, "a guy lost his partner, cause they had a bad break up or something."

But what I realize is that..   The song is about greif, cause she died  - and I've been listening to this a lot lately.  I miss my partner so much

Brooks and Dunn Neon Moon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsCCFw3hFPE

[DWS]

A song that I've been listening to a lot lately written by the powerhouse duo Carole King and Gerry Goffin. The Byrds released  their version along with a lot of other artists including King herself but for me, Dusty Springfield does the best job of bringing out how I've been feeling through my grief. I want to go back to the better times before my loss and before I knew such pain.

 

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/31/2022 at 12:12 AM, foreverhis said:

I understand.  Almost all music was really hard for me for about the first year.  Songs would come into my head unbidden and drive me nuts as ear worms.  There were times I kind of welcomed the pain because I tend to be fairly stoic in public (except at the hospital and out of John's earshot as much as possible) and always have been. I think it's a holdover from the "I'll give you something to cry about, young lady..." type of parental discipline.  So if a song played on the radio and it set me off, I just let the waves wash over me and even knock me down.  Sometimes that kind of catharsis allowed me to breathe again and maybe clear my mind a little bit.

Because of our life-long avocation in the arts and music, and because we were both raised in musical households, there are countless pieces of music of all kinds that are still too hard for me and maybe always will be.  I have started "testing" myself with certain things to see if I can hear them without completely losing it.  Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

One of the hardest ones was an unintentional time with our daughter.  About 2 weeks after her dad died, we were talking and she mentioned that there was a special production of West Side Story or maybe a documentary (can't remember) that was going to be on.  It's a favorite musical and normally would have been good, but I could barely handle hearing the name, much less any of the music.  I told her that I couldn't watch it, that it would be too painful.  I reminded her  that the "West Side Story Dance Suite" was the first thing I pulled up to play for her dad on his last day.  Of course she understood.  I knew she had hoped to find something that might be a distraction and that she meant well.  She took what I said to heart and for a long time didn't bring up any music she knew might be too painful.

I didn't play CDs, didn't stream music, and barely turned on the car radio much for several months because I knew that I would lose it over and over and over.  But time did help.  Just last year, I had music streaming and the dance suite came on.  In the past, I would have raced to grab the remote and skip over it.  I don't know why, but that day I decided to let it play.  It made my heart hurt and I cried, but for the first time since I lost John, I was able to see him playing it, the joy on his face while he was immersed in the beauty of it, the deep emotional connection we shared, and not just the devastating, painful memories and images of his last day.  It felt good that day.

I still have my husband’s iPad which contains all of his favorite songs he used to listen to. He also has playlists on the iPad where he placed certain songs he listened to into their own folder so he can easily have access to his favorite songs and he could play them automatically. I haven’t opened up his iPad for a while now; don’t have the heart or incentive to listen and play his songs right now; maybe in the near future I will feel courageous and open the iPad and listen to some of his songs 

[KayC]

My husband loved music...at first I listened to it obsessively, but after the beginning I couldn't bear to.

[Griefsucks810]

On 4/26/2022 at 5:21 PM, HisPumpkin said:

Today has been a struggle, and I only ever seem to find any peace as night falls. I crawl into bed and wrap myself up in memories of D, and let myself cry. I remember all the nights we were apart, how he’d call me after work and sing me to sleep. Always with a promise to be there in the morning. I can’t sleep anymore but I lie there in the dark and remember him holding me. I feel closer to him in the dark. The world is quiet and everyone is sleeping, and I can immerse myself in my grief, and my memories. I know I’m isolating a lot, but I just want him back so much that it’s easier, in a way, to drift into memories and try to pretend he isn’t gone. I exist in that space between reality and dreams. Mornings hurt. Motion hurts. But in my little bubble, for a little while, I can have him back, even if it’s only in my mind. 

Close the door
And leave the world behind you
Open a window
Listen to the breeze flow through the pines
Take a deep breath
What more can you do...

Let the sun fall down
All around you
And let the night surround you
In a blanket of starlight
I'll whisper you a lullaby
Let the sun fall down...

That old dark cloud
Acts like he knows you
Takes up to much time,
Time you could be spending holding me
And he can't have you now
It's you and me here in this room
Ohh Ohh...

Let the sun fall down
All around you
And let the night surround you
In a blanket of starlight
I'll whisper you a lullaby
Let the sun fall down...

The world will keep on turning
It'll all be there come morning
So tonight...

Let the sun fall down
All around you
And let the night surround you
In a blanket of starlight
I'll whisper you a lullaby
Let the sun fall down...

Ohh Ohh...

Let the sun fall down
All around you
And let the night surround you
In a blanket of starlight
I'll whisper you a lullaby
Let the sun fall down...

Night time has become my enemy lately as I have been unable to fall asleep and stay asleep thru the night. I wake up in the middle of the at least 2x’s each night. thank goodness I’m able to quickly fall back asleep; Im only been able to get 5-6 hours of sleep per night which includes the times I wake up in the middle of the night.  I don’t know what is waking me up in the middle of the night but it is annoying and freezing. I addressed my sleep disturbance to my psychiatrist  and was prescribed a low dosage of some generic form of benedryl which was supposed to help me sleep better;  I’m still experiencing problems as to the amount of time it is taking me to fall asleep and staying asleep which is the biggest problem I’m having. I don’t know what it is to sleep thru the night without sleep disturbances and wake up refreshed and ready to tackle the day

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/30/2022 at 12:53 PM, foreverhis said:

Exactly! I have heard the most common version where she’s actually singing it to her daughter. I believe later that she and her daughter performed it together.

For me too it has always symbolized two soulmates combined into one love and knowing that one day one of them would be gone. It became especially meaningful after John almost died in his bicycling accident and was left with permanent injuries. A few years later, my auto-immune symptoms started to show up so that a couple of years after that, we had to change our lives into a “smaller” way of living.

We lost friends and some family members really didn’t get it. The ones we kept have been stalwart to this day, but more often than not, it was John and me and our girls (daughter and my much younger baby sister who is closer in age to our daughter than she is to me). When they were grown, it was the two of us just fighting to keep living a decent life. We preferred to spend time with each other over anyone else.

That song came into my mind a few days after he died and it just wouldn’t leave!

It was always me and my husband against the world. He always told me that he’d never leave me and would always be with me no matter what. When he died 4 years ago I said out loud that I was mad at him for leaving me all alone. That was very selfish of me to say during a moment of grief because he didn’t purposely leave me it was just his time in this life was over and I had to learn how accept it and learn how to continue with living my life without him. He will always be in my heart and my find forever 

[KayC]

I went through a period of anger at George for leaving me, don't beat yourself up over it, it's common.  Feelings just are, we deal with them but they aren't facts and truth be told, they'd be going through the same if it was us that had died.

36 minutes ago, Griefsucks810 said:

was prescribed a low dosage of some generic form of benedryl

I take it too, plus the lowest dose of trazodone for sleep, unapologetically, but it only seems to help until the first time I wake up.  I love the nights where I can get back to sleep and get enough!  

[LMR]

I take benadryl too. I have to have occasional days without or it stops working so well. I also take a magnesium tablet before bed. I can usually get back to sleep though I wake often. I do crossword puzzles if I need to calm my mind, which often enough is 3am.

[foreverhis]

5 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

When he died 4 years ago I said out loud that I was mad at him for leaving me all alone. That was very selfish of me to say during a moment of grief because he didn’t purposely leave me

Oh goodness, that's completely understandable and common.  I had so much pain and frustration and anger, and I directed some of it at my husband John.  How dare he leave me when our lives were unfinished!  How dare the universe take him from me!  How dare the doctors not save him (though here I do have a little justified anger in certain delays)!

Grief is not a simple emotional state at all.  It's every emotion imaginable, including anger.  They swirl around in our hearts and minds as we try to grasp the permanent changes, the shattering of our lives, and the gaping hole that now exists where before the road ahead was complete with our loves by our sides.  It was not selfish of you to feel anger as part of your grief.  Or if it was, then we're almost universally guilty of the same selfishness at times.

[foreverhis]

On 1/2/2024 at 7:51 AM, Griefsucks810 said:

I haven’t opened up his iPad for a while now; don’t have the heart or incentive to listen and play his songs right now; maybe in the near future I will feel courageous and open the iPad and listen to some of his songs 

Absolutely 100% understandable.  If you decide you're brave enough to open his iPad and listen, please don't feel you are weak or wrong if you just can't face it.  Literally took me years to be able to listen to some music or watch music-related things.  And to this day there are some orchestral pieces, musicals, operettas, and simple songs that I cannot take.  I suspect that some will never be on my "okay to hear/see" list--and I don't fault myself for that.

Here's a recent one.  It's kind of a longish story.  

My John was a trombone player and musical director/conductor by avocation.  Now, those who know low brass know that compositions, musicals, symphonies, etc. featuring them are uncommon.  So when they get a chance to play, they're all in.  Stravinsky's The Firebird concert suites are in that group because the passages for trombones are spectacular. 

John played it multiple times over the years, but one was a standout in my memory.  Forever and always trombone players are told to keep the volume down most of the time because they can blow the roof off the building.  This is true for some sections of Firebird.  This particular conductor kept reminding the 'bones to balance, balance, balance with the rest of the orchestra--except one night during dress rehearsal week.  The conductor was a trombone player himself, so he understood the frustrations and said, "Listen up, trombones.  This is your one and only chance to let 'er rip.  Play it loud and proud right now because you'll never get the chance again."  They did.  I was in rehearsals for a musical and never played in that particular orchestra, so when he came home that night and I asked, "How was rehearsal?" he grinned ear to ear, his eyes crinkling up with laughter, and he told me.

Now Firebird is really difficult for me to hear, even though it's such a good memory.  I haven't listened to it intentionally since I put it on to play during his last day.  I was rewatching an episode of a show we both enjoyed, but didn't remember that the background music for the dramatic denouement was the final movement of Firebird in all its glory.  I had to mute the volume and wait, with tears in my eyes, because even just that much of it was too hard to hear.  Maybe I'll try listening to it again this year, but maybe not.

Music always evokes emotions, grieving the way we do can make it an emotional mine field.

[LovingHerForever]

 

[ThereIsAField]

 

 

[Sparky1]

@ThereIsAField Love this song, thanks.