How Do You Deal With Moving In w/Family Now?

[tnd]

So hard to sleep tonight. Emailed several churches. I even emailed the receptionist at my dentist's office because she belongs to a church. They are probably wondering why I haven't been in for a dental cleaning...but I pray I will get a response. I also emailed my apartment manager. She usually isn't in on weekends so probably will see it in the morning. Just thought she should know the latest. She's probably going to freak out. I am so embarrassed to be in this situation. I remember moving out of my parents house after my high school graduation and getting my own place. First I lived alone but was always scared at night. Finally shared a place with a friend. Sometimes I worked two jobs just to pay bills and save up. At one point I guess I kind of over did that because I got too skinny because I was working two jobs and playing co-ed softball when I could fit it in. But no matter, I always worked. Never, not once was behind on my rent or car payments. But things changed. And ten years ago I decided to be a housewife. But I should have kept working. I really should have. And now I am in the situation that I am in. Facing homelessness. But I can't survive on the street. Matter of fact, I don't think I've ever seen anyone on oxygen on the street homeless. But where do they go? Can't believe the shelters here are full and there's no housing. If a church can't help me then I am SOL. One more day is all I've got. One minute I cry and talk to my husband and then cry over missing him, the next I feel this sort of almost peaceful feeling come over me like no matter what happens, I will be okay. I know the good Lord will take care of me how He sees fit. I have got to accept it. 

[John9]

tnd,

I have too also accept whatever God has in store for me. I am going to hope that somehow someone can help you. I know we will always second guess our decisions especially when as it seems now that our lives are falling apart. But like with the decisions my wife and I made in regards to my "job" as long as you and your Husband were okay with them then they were right at the time. I believe that you "qualify" for benefits I don't believe the system understands your total situation which is a whole other problem. Your situation is and at the same time can't really be all that unusual for the "in-betweener" like you who isn't 60 but is "sick" but doesn't have "proof" that they will accept to process the paperwork. There should be a true EMERGENCY team that these cases go directly to for review and not just added to the in box. They could even do a tentative file where if denied you repay the funds after all appeals. I am just saying that which you already know it is wrong how everyone is failing you and the ones here who want to help can't .

[tnd]

There are Angels amongst us!! The receptionist at my dentist's office is going to help me!! She just called. She has worked for my dentist many years and belongs to a church and I remembered that, so emailed the office asking for her. Sure enough, she called me bright and early this morning. She will come over later this evening with boxes to help me pack. She said she has been saving boxes for a long time but didn't know why and "now she knows". Then we will see about getting me help to move my furniture into storage and getting me into an extended stay hotel until I find out about my Widowers Benefits. She also said if needed, not to worry, I can stay at her home. 

I can't tell you what a relief but a real blessing this is. This is my miracle. It's got to be. It also must be a sign from my husband because as I prayed to God last nite, I begged my husband to give me a sign that he sees me or knows through God that I need help. I've been praying to God nite and day but the one thing I haven't done, was to ask for my husbands help as well. I just needed him to let God know or that if he knew God already knew about me, to let me know just so I have assurance that God hears our prayers. 

As I can, I will keep everyone updated. First things first, I need to pack a little more today. And not that I want to spread any negativity or hatred, but I will not ever speak to my brother and SIL ever again. And I am certainly not going to tell them where I go or move to. I am done being kicked in the gut by them and having heart ripped out. 

Thanks again everyone for all your love and support! You have kept me going. Because of your support and suggestions, I am nearing the finish line. 

[John9]

tnd,

YEAH I am so thankful that something is going your way. Whether your husband "asked" for God's help and received it or God heard "all" of the praying that you and everyone else has been doing I am glad he did. I think it was mentioned somewhere about the movie It's a wonderful life and maybe the comments made about your unfinished work is your "new" purpose for the future. I hope all works for you with EVERYTHING moving forward and yes I would be done with"family" too and really now expect to be since MIL died and that connection to "them" is now gone. Not making it about me happy for you.

[Roxeanne]

Oh TNT what a relief! Finally some good things come...i was really worrying about you not only that seems that nothing worked...but all the bad things you have to bear! In the first from your family...

Now i hope you have some comfort and peace...some good people are around!

i hope also you can take with you your lovely cats...i'm worrying for their fate too!

Glad that everything it's allright in the end!

Hugs

[Sparky1]

Tnd, I am so happy for you that a miracle did happen. Right down to the wire an angel pulled through for you. God bless her and you, I pray that all goes well and you can get things sorted out. In times when I've been overwhelmed, I've called on God and my wife to help me out, it seems she has a good connection with Him. I'm sure your husband also has good connections with Him as well. This news has brightened my day too as I'm going through a lot of things right now.

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

I am so relieved!  I am so happy that you found someone who would step up and help you. 

I totally understand you are going to be busy moving, and exhausted from moving, so you may not be able to post for awhile, but please let us know how you are doing when you have a chance. 

So glad this woman stepped up for you. 

Gail

[KayC]

1 hour ago, tnd said:

There are Angels amongst us!! The receptionist at my dentist's office is going to help me!! She just called. She has worked for my dentist many years and belongs to a church and I remembered that, so emailed the office asking for her. Sure enough, she called me bright and early this morning. She will come over later this evening with boxes to help me pack. She said she has been saving boxes for a long time but didn't know why and "now she knows". Then we will see about getting me help to move my furniture into storage and getting me into an extended stay hotel until I find out about my Widowers Benefits. She also said if needed, not to worry, I can stay at her home.

This made me cry, a real answer to prayer!    Don't waste any more energy trying to figure our brother and SIL, they sound sick/warped, please only allow people who are supportive and in your best mental interest into your circle, I think you get my drift.  I was horrified to hear how bad it was for you and am so glad you made those calls!  Sometimes we have to appeal to humanity...but someone has to first HAVE humanity to appeal to, not the case w/brother & SIL.  There, no more energy wasted on them!  Pack what you can today, and I pray you enjoy your stay with your friend and it will bide you time to get your benefits, justly due you!

 

[LMR]

Tnd. I am so happy for you. There's nothing I can add that others haven't already said. Just relieved that you connected with your angel and things are looking up.

[foreverhis]

Yay! What amazing news. Now you have time to breathe and get through the benefits process.

I have long believed that there are those among us who can truly be called angels. By my definition, which is not the traditional one, they are people who are pure in the spirit of helping others. Of course I also believe that our soulmates can help us too. I often ask John for help with something. And I figure that sometimes a higher power, who we usually call God, occasionally needs a little “help” getting through and getting things done. I consider that help to be in the form of angels.

 I am so pleased and relieved for you.

[tnd]

Taking a break here, wanted to give another update. My angel, Francis, will be coming over to help me pack this evening. Whatever will fit in her car we will take over to the storage unit tonight. Fortunately they are open late so I can be given the key. Next is figuring out if she can gather enough church volunteers and a truck to move my furniture over to the storage unit. I am also checking around with low budget movers. Haven't heard anything yet from other churches. Spoke to my apartment manager again today...she reiterated that they have already rented out my apartment and the new tenant is moving in on the 9th, told me I need to be out by 5pm tomorrow.  Guess worse case scenario if I can't line up people to move my stuff, I will have to abandon it. Not going to think about that, nothing I can do if that happens. Then tomorrow night, I will go to a hotel to stay until I hear about my Widows Benefits. Or I can stay at Francis's home. I'd hate to do that to her and her husband but if no choice, then at least I know I can trust them and will be safe. Imagine that, a dental receptionist steps up to help but the dang Adult Protective Services did zip. Something is wrong with that picture. 

I am still in shock/elated...I don't know what the right word to use but am so grateful and amazed that Francis called me this morning. She just kept saying not to worry, it will be alright. I never heard that from my brother or SIL. On the other hand, Francis seems to know just what to do and say. She even made a list of cheap apartments for me to look at and will bring it over. I've got a list going too. I also called the SSA and they said my Widowers Benefits application was still being processed. I am stressed about that because if I'm not approved (for the medical disability) portion of it, I do not know what I will do. I just remember the man who took my application over the phone said most people with lung disease or asthma or on oxygen get approved. But I don't know yet. Guess just one thing at a time. One last thing, I want to thank you all again for being my online, positive thinking, supportive and loving Angels!  We should all get honorary wings or something. And no matter your beliefs, all of you have been right here with me every day helping me and being so kind and supportive and helpful. That's the world I still believe in, where people come together and help each other. I don't know, we may be a small population but I'd like to think there are more of us out there. Thanks again so very much sweethearts!    

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

I am so happy that Francis is helping you. She is an angel on earth. 

I agree that you should not have any contact with your brother and SIL.  I would not even tell them where you have gone.  But, that of course is your choice, just my 2 cents. 

Gail

[tnd]

5 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I agree that you should not have any contact with your brother and SIL.  I would not even tell them where you have gone.

Gail 8588:  You can bet your sweet bippy that I won't be telling them ANYTHING. 

[tnd]

Long day but for the first time in a long time, I actually felt myself smile. Francis and I were talking and then I felt it. Was almost foreign to me, smiling. How many times do we ever even notice when we are smiling? Anyways, she did a lot of packing for me. Then we'd take a break and talk, she let me cry. She cried with me. I think I am finally starting to be able to properly grieve now. Feels like I have an ally and someone who really cares. 

Tomorrow we move my stuff into storage. Francis is actually taking a day off from work to do this! Bless this woman! And then I will go to a hotel but only for a couple nites. Francis wants me to stay at her home until I know about my Widows Benefits but needs a couple of days to clear out her craft/work room for me. I really didn't want to impose but after we talked, it felt good to tell her "yes".  I will be safe and in very good company. She is amazing.   

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

I am so very happy you reached out to this angel.  

Sleep well tonight!

Gail

[LMR]

1 hour ago, tnd said:

Long day but for the first time in a long time, I actually felt myself smile. Francis and I were talking and then I felt it. Was almost foreign to me, smiling. How many times do we ever even notice when we are smiling? Anyways, she did a lot of packing for me. Then we'd take a break and talk, she let me cry. She cried with me. I think I am finally starting to be able to properly grieve now. Feels like I have an ally and someone who really cares. 

Tomorrow we move my stuff into storage. Francis is actually taking a day off from work to do this! Bless this woman! And then I will go to a hotel but only for a couple nites. Francis wants me to stay at her home until I know about my Widows Benefits but needs a couple of days to clear out her craft/work room for me. I really didn't want to impose but after we talked, it felt good to tell her "yes".  I will be safe and in very good company. She is amazing.   

I am so very glad that you found Francis. She sounds like a truly amazing person.

I am glad that you were able to cry with her and ultimately to smile. I hope you will be smiling more often.

[Jemiga70]

Oh @tnd how hard I've been praying for you and to hear this today -- I read the good news late today because I'm across the world in a different time zone -- I cried when I read it at work. I've been asking both God and my beloved soulmate to help in some way, some how. Overjoyed!

Now, as you said, you can begin to grieve properly and perhaps in time you can also see how it's possible, now and again, to even smile.

You need (and deserve) an ally.

God bless you.

[KayC]

On 8/30/2021 at 12:32 PM, tnd said:

I'd hate to do that to her and her husband

Please stop feeling you are imposing, she OFFERED, accept it!  By not doing so you may deny her a blessing!  I know we want to be independent, and that's good, but there's a time in our life to be on the receiving end...something even harder than being independent IMO.  You're a good person, you deserve it, you are valuable!

I love this verse, it's hard to explain but it's reassuring to me that when all is said and done, stand.  Stand firm."Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." Eph 6:13 You've done all, now just stand firm, you will be okay, all will work out.  Breathe.  Exhale.

On 8/30/2021 at 10:19 PM, tnd said:

Gail 8588:  You can bet your sweet bippy that I won't be telling them ANYTHING. 

Good, for all they know you've died, leave them wondering.  They're unbelievable.  I have a lot more I could say about them but will pass.

I am so glad for you!  Also wondering, are your cats with you?  I hope so!  She is amazing and I hope a church helps with some of the expenses.

 

 

[John9]

tnd,

I AM SO HAPPY for you, I believe that you deserve this and now hopefully you will be able to have a little peace and relief. The grieving might take more time than we like but one less thing to worry about is all we can hope for. One day at a time and one thing at a time.

[Jemiga70]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

Please stop feeling you are imposing, she OFFERED, accept it!  By not doing so you may deny her a blessing!  I know we want to be independent, and that's good, but there's a time in our life to be on the receiving end...something even harder than being independent IMO.  You're a good person, you deserve it, you are valuable!

@tnd  I just want to echo @KayC's sentiments. This is likely the hardest thing Ive had to do the last 4 months: accept help from others when they offer it. We have our part to play, because when we accept what others offer, we give them something in return, something they might need as much as the help we need from them.

[nikkinaz]

Prayers are answered.  So relieved and happy for you @tnd   really good news xx

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

I hope you can rest for a few days now!  

If, or when, your state representative contacts you, I would ask them to make inquiries to SSA to encourage swift processing of your disability application.  

Similarly, you may want to contact your federal congressional representative and ask them to do the same.  The federal agency, SSA, may be more responsive to a congressional inquiry than they are to a Texas State representative. 

Rest for now. You have been under a huge amount of stress. 

Hugs

Gail

 

[tnd]

I am safe and sound at hotel. Will be at Francis's house Friday. Hope to post again soon but wifi at hotel really sucks. Thanks for all your support!!  

[Gail 8588]

Tnd,

So glad you are safe. Sleep well. 

Gail

[KayC]

11 hours ago, tnd said:

wifi at hotel really sucks.

Is it any better in the lobby?  One more day...

We're all thinking off you, praying all goes well.  Hard enough dealing with loss without other issues complicating our lives.  (((hugs)))

[John9]

I had that issue at the Hospital the other night cell service didn't work and wifi didn't work and I was trying to tell MIL sisters that she died BUT the one who has been there for her was there when she died and got ot say goodbye even though we both "said" she wasn't in there there was not any life in her eyes even though she was breathing and her heart was beating so she never was coming back to the house even if she had lived. Sorry to turn this into a comment about me but I didn't post the details the other day.

[tnd]

Sorry if my posts are short/screwed up, still at hotel. Lobby too far for me to walk. Francis is wonderful. She, her husband  and adult son came and moved all my stuff to storage. Just like that, no hesitation, they just did it. I cried off/on but each time Francis would stop and sit with me or even cry with me. My crying sessions started being shorter and shorter. So it was good. I know not everyone has their own "Francis" but if you do have someone, it really really helps to  have someone just sit with you while you cry. I don't know why that helped but it did wonders for me. Sometimes Francis would talk while I cried, someone she cried and sometimes she just sat near me. Empathy. Guess when we are grieving we can't get enough of that. And I feel a little less stressed out about things. 

Next I will move in with Francis and her family. Well, they only have their adult son living with them and he works so I guess I will be home by myself during the day. Speaking of her son...He is a former addict and was homeless for 4 years. It means the world to Francis to have him back home. He joined a church and got sober and was baptized just 3 weeks ago. When he heard Francis talk to her husband about me, he said "Mom, we have to help that widow". Can you believe that?! A young man has more compassion than my own family did. But seriously, he knows what homelessness does to a person and vowed to help people avoid it. And Francis and her husband are my Angels. They really are. I have a new family now. 

So another day at the hotel and on Friday I move to Francis's house. Sorry about the wi fi here. Hopefully better at Francis's house. Take care all. Thank you all so much. I have no doubt that all your prayers and positive thoughts went a long ways towards saving me from the street, or even death. I want  to enjoy life again. But I know I need to grieve and figure out how to "carry" my grief and husband's memory with me as I begin another chapter. Grief isn't going to go away, I see that already but if I can carry it and not let it prevent me from doing what I need to do and to do it for my husband's memory, then I maybe I will do okay. Right now, I just want to get some sort of housing and income secured and then start again. 

    

[Gail 8588]

Tnd,

Thanks for the update. 

Francis is an angel.

So glad you have a safe space to stay. 

Gail

[tnd]

23 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

If, or when, your state representative contacts you, I would ask them to make inquiries to SSA to encourage swift processing of your disability application.  

Similarly, you may want to contact your federal congressional representative and ask them to do the same.  The federal agency, SSA, may be more responsive to a congressional inquiry than they are to a Texas State representative.

Gail 8588:  My state rep finally had his secretary email me about voucher housing/Section 8. Currently there is no housing available they are reopening the waiting list to accept applications again until Sept 17th. They will be having a lottery and drawing 5,000 names from applications. The names they draw will be put on the waiting list, which is 2 1/2 years. That's pretty bad but you never know, maybe people will drop out (or die homeless) and that moves everybody up the list. 

Next, your idea...I just might contact my state rep or federal rep about the status of my Widows Benefits. I can't live with Francis forever but at least I have a place to go for the time being. Thank you so much for thinking of me, Gail. Hope your day will go a little better knowing that you've helped someone who really needs help.  

[tnd]

8 hours ago, KayC said:

Is it any better in the lobby?  One more day...

, KayC:  Was wondering the same thing but the lobby is too far for me to walk. Weird, the wifi works okay then it doesn't. This is only temporary tho, no big deal other than I miss "being" with all of you guys! 
  

[foreverhis]

3 hours ago, tnd said:

And Francis and her husband are my Angels. They really are. I have a new family now.

I'm telling you this further strengthens my belief that God needs "help" here on earth sometimes.  Angels can come in many forms, including people who are true of heart and kind in spirit (religious beliefs not required, IMO).  When God, in whatever way a person believes, needs assistance getting things done, why wouldn't it make sense to work in tangible ways through good people? 

I am so happy you found your angels on earth to help you when you were at your lowest point and feeling hopeless.  There is good in the world and good people who come into our lives just when we need them most.

[KayC]

@tnd  Today you go to Francis' place, they sound like authentic people who truly live what they believe and have compassion, including their son!  That is wonderful.  I know you want a place of your own and I will keep praying for that.  

[tnd]

18 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Angels can come in many forms, including people who are true of heart and kind in spirit (religious beliefs not required, IMO).  When God, in whatever way a person believes, needs assistance getting things done, why wouldn't it make sense to work in tangible ways through good people? 

foreverhis:  Francis and her family are definitely my Guardian Angels and what they have done for me is the miracle I asked God for. I have not seen Francis in many years and yet, she did not hesitate and called me the moment she got my email at my dentist's office. I remember her saying she wasn't going to retire until my dentist did. So I looked up my dentist and sure enough, she hadn't retired so I emailed the office from their website...and my Angel answered. Now, my husband said God does send some angels to earth in human form. I don't know in Francis is one of those but she definitely does the work of one! 

[tnd]

Was sitting here in my hotel room and then it hit me. My "family" is "no more". As angry as I am about my brother, I am also deeply saddened. To know that your own family doesn't care and has abandoned you is a real kick in the gut. Francis doesn't want to think about him and says I shouldn't either. She knows how hurt I am. I think she's just as much in disbelief as I am. Never in a million years would I have thought any of this would happen. Well, I've got a new family now. I am so very very fortunate for Francis and her family. It is all so awkward, knowing I will be living in someone else's home. So humiliating and even stressful. I pray I am approved for Widows Benefits and real soon. I want my own place, just a small studio apartment would be fine so I can take care of it myself (I hope). Francis hopes I can find something close to her so she can look in on me. I am physically not doing too well. I think it shocked Francis. Heck, my condition shocks ME!  I don't know if I will get better or not or go into remission but I pray that I do. I want to enjoy life again. And I want to enjoy it with my new family.   

[John9]

tnd,

I hope that now some "pressure" is off of you that you be allowed to continue the good you are "destined" for. I also said to my son and the only MIL sister that was there for her really that I am done with the rest of "her" family and I never want or need to here from them again. I do hope that you are approved but maybe if it takes a small amount of time it will be better for you to be around people that actually care you are alive and "worry" about you like "we" do. This is the first Saturday that I am all ALONE and as I said before weekends are harder and Holiday weekends are harder and now MIL not here. It is "different" and I can still only do what I can do and even though I have no "structure" or routine anymore I still can't sleep much longer than I was, I still get up too early even with staying up later. Too much going through my head and things that need done and....If I "have" to be here I hope something starts to come into place and gets done but now with the death of MIL there is now more to do not less.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, tnd said:

I am physically not doing too well.

This doesn't surprise me, you've had the worst stress of your life!  If it wasn't enough to deal with in losing your husband, but being disabled, broke, deserted and worse by "family," worried about being homeless, you've had way too much for any one being!  And stress displays itself physically all too often.  I hope now that you're under someone's roof that cares, that it settles down for you a bit!

Physical Grief Symptoms What's Your Grief
Physical Reactions to Loss

1 hour ago, John9 said:

with the death of MIL there is now more to do not less.

So unfair, just when you least feel like it!

[tnd]

On 9/4/2021 at 8:45 AM, John9 said:

Too much going through my head and things that need done and....If I "have" to be here I hope something starts to come into place and gets done but now with the death of MIL there is now more to do not less.

John9:  Take it from me, I know just what you are talking about and I'm a wreck! I'm pretty sure that I'd be unrecognizable to anyone who knew me. Some structure and routine would be good for people going through what we are. Even if I am living in someone else's house right now, I know I need to start a routine and be consistent with it. I'm going to start with small things, like making my own coffee (Francis uses a Keurig, I use a regular coffee pot). I'll continue feeding my cats, doing my laundry, bathing and keeping my room neat and tidy. From there, I will try to work up to taking walks if I physically can, Francis will go with me. Anyways, just try to do the small stuff. I know I am going to carry my grief with me but I am starting to talk about my husband without crying and gosh darn it, if it's not my time yet and I have to live life without him, then I want to at least work my way up to enjoying what I can of it. I hope you'll think about it and give it a go too. When you discovered your wife's petunias growing, I'd say that was a good start.   

[tnd]

On 9/4/2021 at 10:14 AM, KayC said:

On 9/3/2021 at 8:37 PM, tnd said:

I am physically not doing too well.

This doesn't surprise me, you've had the worst stress of your life!  If it wasn't enough to deal with in losing your husband, but being disabled, broke, deserted and worse by "family," worried about being homeless, you've had way too much for any one being!  And stress displays itself physically all too often.  I hope now that you're under someone's roof that cares, that it settles down for you a bit!

Physical Grief Symptoms What's Your Grief
Physical Reactions to Loss

KayC:  Thanks for the links. I am presently a stark pasty white with raccoon eyes. I have not been outdoors in a very long time because Sarcoidosis causes malabsorption of Vit D/Calcium while medications I am on cause giant hives and burns in the sun and lastly, I just haven't been able to get out by myself. I can do about 30 minutes tho or longer if I cover up. Francis will help me on walks. Next, I have not had a haircut in 2 years so my once short nice, fluffed up hair is long and all frizzy fly-away hair now with more silver in it than brunette, I look like a witch. A real scary one. And then I shake and do the shuffle when I walk. And I sound like I am either hyperventilating or like a pregnant woman in labor when I move around or do anything. If I sit, my breathing is mostly quiet except for the wheezing and rattling of my chest. No doubt stress and grief have added to my less-than-desirable appearance. But little by little, I swear, I will work my way back to a life where I can look in the mirror and say, "Hey! I remember her!" 

[John9]

tnd,

 I am "glad" that things are going your way, I went to pick up MIL cremains yesterday and was crying as I was driving there. I was not "enjoying" the drive and I have been there so many times in the last 7 months it hit me again. Tried to go to the grocery store today and I grabbed a couple things and left didn't like it at all. I might be able to figure something out after I speak to the attorney about the next step with her estate but right now still way too much in my head and on my "plate". This phase was expected and was supposed to be our time without having to worry about anyone else. I am still trying to do all I can for as long as I "have" to. I just miss her so much and now without MIL here it is "different" everything that was "always" here was just stolen away from me in the last 2 years between losing my wife, our pets and my friend and now MIL it's just not right, but I am very happy you are around people who seem to care about you when you really need it.

[tnd]

11 minutes ago, John9 said:

I just miss her so much and now without MIL here it is "different" everything that was "always" here was just stolen away from me in the last 2 years between losing my wife, our pets and my friend and now MIL it's just not right,

John9:  No, it sure isn't right that you are alone and having to deal with all these losses and everything that goes with it. Someone needs to be there for YOU. And you described it perfectly; we were robbed. Not to minimize your grief but you are at a small advantage, you can still drive and get out if you need/want to. Other than getting out to take care of other people's estates, try going someplace just for yourself as well. Even if it's only a brief outing. Order yourself lunch somewhere, or coffee. Or an ice cream cone. Or maybe to get potting soil or something for the yard. A library. Or order yourself lunch and go eat it at a park or in your car but parked somewhere...and no, I don't think your driveway counts. 

[John9]

tnd,

I have been "out" more this week than in the last 3 months but it is so different and nothing feels right. I had said that now nothing is forcing me to stay in the house but I have been doing this so long I need to retrain myself slowly to deal with life.

[KayC]

17 hours ago, tnd said:

I know I need to start a routine

Good for you and you are exactly right, it helps to have a routine, I do and try to stick to it religiously!

16 hours ago, tnd said:

I have not had a haircut in 2 years

Does Frances do haircuts?  I remember years ago the unemployment office offered free haircuts for those out of work, I tried cutting my own and swore I'd never do that again!  And I had to go on a job interview looking like that!   (Nope, diidn't get the job).

16 hours ago, tnd said:

ohn9:  No, it sure isn't right that you are alone and having to deal with all these losses and everything that goes with it. Someone needs to be there for YOU.

I agree, is there no one else to be her executor if you refuse it?  You have too much on your plate with YOUR fresh grief!  My siblings and I have talked and when Peggy's time comes the state can deal with it, I am NOT up to it, she is leaving everything to the nieces/nephews so let THEM do it or the state can have it all!  I'm getting too old for all of this.  I have my hands full trying to take care of myself and my own place.  BTW I got my house all painted and now he's going to stain my front porch when he gets around to it.  It's nice to have it all behind me and looks like a new house almost!

15 hours ago, John9 said:

I have been doing this so long I need to retrain myself slowly to deal with life.

[Gail 8588]

Kay, 

So glad your house got painted. I just had mine painted too (it was in dire need). 

It makes me smile each time I look at my house. It's like she is all dressed up in a new party dress.  White with yellow trim. 

It can really boost your spirit to have the house look fresh and bright, cared for. 

Gail

[John9]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

is there no one else to be her executor if you refuse it? 

KayC,

I am going to see if my son can be named, I am not sure but even then I will still have to help him. But he would at least gain experience for when he has to deal with my estate. I am beginning to wonder if I am here until all of this legal stuff is done so he doesn't have to do it. I just said to him he has lost 2/3 of his family in 6 months and I don't want to cause him any extra grief or stress BUT. I know he has a support system that should be able to help him and as we all know it is extremely important to have that. He still has my wife's family but since they weren't here now I expect them not to be then either. I think the good sister would try to help but it is so hard when "life" gets in the way (work and other things). There is nothing I can do because as I said I am here until God says otherwise even though I don't want to be and I will help him as long as I can to prepare for me not being here. I now have to do the things I never did to prepare my wife because IT happens.

[KayC]

Gail, so glad yours is dressed up now too!  Mine looks like a new home, as new as a 43 1/2 year old mobile home can look!    He'll come back and sand/stain the front porch deck but right now the smokey air is unbreathable!  I've never seen it this high in my life!  Planning my walks & Kodie's play dates around the air...I've cut his time playing to 1/2 hour from an hour.

I refuse to be my sister's executor, she named me anyway, my brain is not up to it, she should have appointed an attorney, or else let those who inherit do the job, they're younger.  Truth be told she will likely become a ward of the state as it's going and they will have everything so let them have at it, they get paid to.

[tnd]

On 9/5/2021 at 6:25 PM, John9 said:

I have been "out" more this week than in the last 3 months but it is so different and nothing feels right.

John9:  Yes, you've left the house but going out to deal with your MIL's probate and your friends estate and to plan a funeral doesn't count. hee, hee...sorry. At some point you might try a short outing JUST for yourself. That's why I suggested you go out to get a quick bite to eat or drink. Even a drive-thru and then park and eat or enjoy a coffee or cold drink. Somewhere other than having to work on stuff. And no, it probably won't feel right for a while. Other than to the store or to run errands, I never went anywhere without my husband. In fact, I think the last time I actually did any kind of leisurely shopping by myself was back in 2018. No fooling. So I imagine when I do finally venture out on my own it is not going to feel right. But the idea is to leave the house and do it for yourself. Once a week, twice a week, doesn't matter. Just test the waters. Get over the hump and then we can think about doing more for ourselves a little at a time. Look at me; I am living with people I hardly know. And they hardly know me. I don't know if I'd call it "putting on a brave face" but this whole experience is just so crazy and scary for me. But I am doing what I have to in order to survive. I think my husband would want me to. But I am trying to do it for myself. Just me. Because if I don't I'm afraid of what could happen. I'd hate to see you give up just because it didn't "feel right" to get out and go somewhere.  

[tnd]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

right now the smokey air is unbreathable! 

KayC:  Oh my gosh! I wonder if a damp scarf or bandana over your nose/mouth would help. I doubt I could be there with all that smoke. Glad you like the new paint job on your house. Enjoy!   

[tnd]

Hello, All!  Just so you'll know, I will sign on and post as I can. Living in someone else's house doesn't make computer time easy. I don't want to be rude to my new family so don't want to be on the computer when I should be talking and spending time with them. Plus, I set up in their kitchen and don't want to commandeer their kitchen table. But I am still here, still waiting to hear about my Widow's Benefits so that I will know how much if anything I can afford on an apartment. I also applied for "emergency voucher housing", which there is a two year waiting list for. Yeah, so much for the "emergency". My application will be put into a lottery and then later on Sept 17th, they will draw 5,000 (yes, you read that right) names to be placed on a two year waiting list opposed to the 5-6 year waiting list. That is A LOT of homeless people! That's pathetic. 

Anyways, I am doing fine. Still not sleeping too well but alas, 2 nights in a row I've had dreams, which means I was asleep! Just not long enough. But at least no nitemares. Hope all of you are doing as well as you can. I still cry. And I'm not good at hiding it. But really, should any of us be? 

Me and Francis's son are babysitting 2 of her grandchildren today...one girl, one boy. Of course they are very curious and want to get into everything but overall, they are very sweet children and happy. They actually provide me a boost and something to think about other than my own troubles. I never had kids of my own so I am kind of liking this. 

[Gail 8588]

Tnd, 

So glad you are settling in. Young children really can give your soul a boost. 

Hoping many blessings, big and small, come your way. 

Gail

[KayC]

1 hour ago, tnd said:

I suggested you go out to get a quick bite to eat or drink.

That was so hard for me when George died, to go out to eat without him, all alone.  I've had to learn to do everything alone as that is my life now.  

You are so right, John needs to do something for HIM.  So do I.  Hard to do right now though.

1 hour ago, tnd said:

I wonder if a damp scarf or bandana over your nose/mouth would help.

No, I'm using a several layer N95 mask whenever I go outside.

@tnd, I can't help but dream how wonderful it'd be if your pension came in and you got one of those lottery/approvals for housing!  One can dream...