Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 this is the photo I tried to post yesterday....Wyatt John.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Sandy.....does your Son-in-law keep those GRANDchildren from seeing you ?How utterly cruel !! I do believe that to make the decision to celebrate Sarah's life....is not traumatic....but...it shows a strength in the healing...and courage in moving forward...I think it displays a brave heart....that is wise enough to know that we cannot control 'life or death'....but we can have a life of Faith and Grace.....to put our best foot forward....hold hands.....and keep the family circle wrapped in care and consideration.....and with the best intentions. I do believe also....I think we would have a little 'nicer' time while we are on the earth home if people would use some 'good manners'.....use some everyday etiquette in their day to day...human to human connections.....and that begins in our homes and with family. Some have the manners of a goat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Sherry, thanks for your efforts to help fix the issues with the site. I noticed I get that same message about the SQL...it is something on their side...probably a setting...I don' t seem to lose my messages though and they still seem to post.... I re-read what you wrote about your husband and seeing Davey's friend. Yes,it was so thoughtful of him to stop over. Yet, I can see where it would pain the heart as it places your son where he would be in this earth life today...nothing about this journey is easy or ever be...I know there will always be those unexpected things or moments that take one's breath away. Perhaps we just learn a better way of coping with those incidences or maybe a better way of hiding them....I don't know...just kind of rambling thoughts off here... Shannon, I too noticed the change in the air...coming up on the second year mark is still very challenging... Susan, your little grandson is so cute in his little yellow shirt...I am glad you had the chance to visit with family... Dee, the waterpark sounds like a wonderful place...I remember my grandparents taking me to a small waterpark/zoo in La Crosse WI when I was little, many good memories... Becky, how are those ducklings coming along? May post more later...just been really scatterbrained lately... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Laurie.....any more thoughts about moving away ? I can understand the thought process that goes into that decision making...I think it must be in our DNA.....like our ancestors before us.....they would move when the crops would fail...go to another place to survive... and this is not that different...some are more attuned to their instinct...and the instinct to know when to stay and when to go....is listening with more than our ears... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Laurie-----Yes, it is a strange message ( SQL error). When I contacted myDell Support, they tried several ways with 'fix' utilities in both Internet Explorerand Google Chrome, but there were no fixes from Microsoft. Like you,....I amstill able to get my posts to appear on the site page if I leave the page, andthen return later....the post went through ok.. Dell Support suggested I contact thewebpage administrator of Grieving.com to see if they could help on their end.I hope that it can be resolved. It seems extra difficult to get a photo posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Ok....thanks Sherry and Laurie for your help with the site.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Susan, I think that my husband is not ready to consider a move...for now I have been taking small "vacations" away to manage the anxiety that comes... Just think the second year countdown is weighing on me and the rest of the family as well... **************************************** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Laurie....oh yes....trudging and slipping...trudging forward...and slipping backwards....by the time I reached August 3rd...I felt every cell in my body had collapsed....not one....not even a tiny drop of energy....zip...nada.... that is why leading up to the day....I knew I could not plan....anything....all I could do is simply....show up at Port Aransas and take the boat ride....and.....that is the night I became so very ill.....that inner stress that can wreck so much havoc on the body and soul.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Lora....if you only have time to read...we know how full your plate is....that is ok.....let us hear when you have some spare time...how is your brother doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 I am asking for prayers for my son Aaron. He fell and hit his head a couple weeks ago. His vision has become blurry. They think his brain is swelled. MRI today.Thank you, my Indigo friends. I know you will come through for me.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 18, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 18, 2014 Colleen.....prayers said...and there will be more....keep us posted....I have a son named Aaron...he is the Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon...how old is your Aaron ? Did his vision just get blurry in the last 24 hours ?There seems to always be something to clutch that parent's heart.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 BeckyThank you for sharing that beautiful and touching song.We will all see our precious children soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 Update on my Aaron.After 2 CAT scans, 2 Optometrists, and MRI, the doctors can find no reason for AJs swollen retinal nerve. The Drs think it is a post-concussion symptom.Aaron is home, where how belongs.Thank you to my friends. I knew I could count on you.Love allColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 I agree...thanks Becky! Susan, what a cute little guy! I'm sure he brings a lot of joy to your family. He's a real sweetie pie! Lora, I imagine that things are very hectic with the move around the corner. Thinking of you and hoping all goes well. Laurie, the thought of moving after the death of a child is very common. Some decide that a new place will help them to start over again. Others need that connection to the familiar and old memories. I personally fit into that last category. It is a very personal choice. Neither one is wrong. We need to follow what our inner guide tells us. To go with what is comfortable for our own family dynamics. I am confident that you will make the right choice. And BTW...thank you again from the bottom of my heart for all that you do for this site. You are very much appreciated! Sherry, thank you for your effort in trying to correct the problems. I too have had problems. I post and then have to re-enter the site. Very odd. I can post pics the same way....it takes a lot of patience. I am thinking of everyone new to the site this evening. I know how hard these early days are. Please try to hold on and know that things will eventually improve. I know it doesn't seem like it now...but in time it will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted August 19, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 Laurie, I agree, a move is a very personal decision and you know what you need. I'm glad you're able to take some time away though for now. Colleen, I'm so glad to hear that Aaron is home. Prayers were sent and now he is where he belongs. Keep us posted. Susan, Wyatt John is a little sweetie and I loved the story you shared. Becky, I love the video. The song is beautiful and seeing Jared grow in the pictures touches my heart. Thank you. I want to echo Kates words to all the new people to this site. We are here. Not too long ago I posted something to my facebook. I don't even know what it was now. It was about Trista or grieving though. The things I share on facebook are typically very watered down. I know most people don't get it and so I share the deeper things here. Whatever it was though, one of the comments I received was "The trick is to grieve gracefully". I wasn't at all sure what that was supposed to mean. Maybe... Not talk about my grief or my daughter publicly? I don't know because as I said, what I posted didn't seem to me to be anything that would cause a comment like that. Here is my post in response to that (I didn't call out the person specifically and I waited a few weeks to post this. I didn't want to hurt anyone or cause drama. I did however want to stand up for myself in my own way)... Graceful grieving... What does that mean? There seems to be nothing graceful about grief. Grief is sharp edges and and soft curves and darkness and light and falling and rising and falling again. If life's a dance, grief would be less a ballet and much more interpretive. A dance subjective to each individual heart and soul and need. It would be wild and chaotic followed by moments of peace and tranquility. Only to become wildly chaotic again... just as your heart rate begins to slow and you think the song is coming to an end. There is beauty in grief. In the raw humanness of a shattered heart trying desperately to create a mosaic from the pieces that are salvaged. So, in that way grief is graceful. My grace may be your chaos. The grace is in continuing the dance. Susan, I hope it's okay that I borrowed your 'mosaic' metaphor. It really touched me and I thought was a perfect way to describe what we try to do. And Dee, I drew from the encouragement you give us all to grieve in our own way and our own time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kalikama Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 Trista's mom--I LOVED your response to "grieving gracefully". I think whoever wrote that on your FB probably never had to grieve the loss of a child or anyone close. Grieing is about the most ungraceful thing we do. Davydow--it wasn't you--it was the site. There were a few days it wasn't working well. I didn't get any notifications and also had trouble posting and even reading--it wouldn't stop reloading itself. Laurie--The advice I received from other people who'd lost children was to "move your furniture, but not your home for at least 2 years". After the loss of each of my boys (15 years apart), I had the urge to move. I went house hunting after the first until I received this advice. When I had the urge to do it, this time (April 2014), I remembered how I had it before and the advice to stay put for at least 2 years. This was great advice, to me, because after the 2 years, I didn't want to move. Moving from this neighborhood would add more grief to my life. But I totally understand the urge. I wonder if it is someway of us trying to want to run away from what we know. Instead, this time, I went to FL with a friend who had come up to MI to be with her mom during a surgery. We drove back to FL together and I stayed a week--my husband is a teacher and couldn't get time off in May, since he'd already taken his "bereavement week". Her husband was my friend first, so it was a very comforting place to be. When another friend came up from TX, we went to visit her brother and his wife, who live on another lake in MI. Those little times away were most helpful to squash the urge to move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 'The trick is to grieve gracefully'..... imagine that....and imagine living with that.... and here we are....we are faced every...every day....living with.... faith...and the gift of Grace....and.... the trick of it all.... imagine that. we are simply very, very brave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 Shannon.....applause for you....you 'did good' girl....and you did it with timing....which is so important....but ...alas....some don't think so anymore...loved your words....and thinking.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 I contacted Konnie to help us out with the SQL message but she said it should be okay very soon, just a little issue she guessed, which tells me she doesn't know what it is and that was a week ago???I would love for it to be solved too.I got up at 5:30 and was at school all day adn babysat after that. I am going to bed, a full day tomorrow too in trying to set up my classroom. so much to do. But now I am excited as I unpack my thousand books-no more. I adore my books. Shannon, you answered back very nicely, so poetically and actually filled with grace. Who knows really what that person meant when she/he said that, but I agree with you, at times it is the wildest and most chaotic dance we shall ever move with, and yet, there is grace and heart in all we do because we are filled by the love and loss of one so Grand. Laurie, I understand that urge to change your scenery. I have known those that moved within the first year of losing their young one and those that stay put. It is as individual as each of us are. I do agree iwth the advice to not do any big thing the first year or two, so those little trips are great for now. If your urge to move remains, then by all means you will have to see what is available and where? Colleen, just reading todays stuff now, I sure am praying that Aaron is fine. Prayers for a full recovery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 Becky, the picture in the video of Jared in the kitchen sink sure brought back memories...I have a similar one of Jesse. How is court going for Jasmine? Is it almost finished...sending prayers to get through...understand the court stuff.. ...I had to email the sheriff from the county where the accident to try and obtain an update on the status of the girl who is in hiding that killed Jesse...as most of you know the sheriff's department has not been so cooperative or sympathetic...the first email back I got from the sherriff was a point-by-point description of their "search" for the girl who ran over Jesse, followed by a watered-down excuse that "they have so many warrants to try and chase after because so many people that are wanted there." And a nasty add-on challenge question to me. Now what a bunch of baloney. From this same county just a week before, my youngest son got a minor ticket for a seatbelt violation. Now, we actually got a form letter in the mail from this same county, with plenty of text on it, "reminding all seatbelt violators" they better pay the 10 dollar fine and to where. So, they can prioritize how to chase after $10 seat belt violators, waste someone's time actually composing such a letter, mailing and all that jazz, but they are not prioritizing the big-time violations within their county like people running over and killing someone and making sure the bereaved families are kept updated somehow. Like I said, what a bunch of baloney. So I email back the sheriff, and ask him, "If you are not the correct person to obtain this information from, then we would like to know who is the person to obtain these types of updates." (having been in corporate for a number of years, you learn to quickly pick out duplicity in emails) The next email came back to me in less than 20 minutes began with "Oh I was confused" (which I wanted to say yea, you sure are) and was much more toned down. He acknowledged that, yes, he is the correct person to obtain this info from (which of course in my second email was the "reminder" of that obvious fact). I hope they one day can find this girl so we can get our court date just over with. Colleen, said prayers last night for your son, Aaron. Hopefully he can just rest and recover quickly. I am a believer in the old fashioned rest cure. (rest, eat well, sleep as you need, create a peaceful environment to make this happen). Dee, I too love books. Lately though I have found my laptop with the Kindle app to be so convenient as I always have access to my "library". That being said, there is something in opening up a hundred year old book, paging through, observing the fonts and binding. One of our oldtime school readers had simply wonderful little writings in it from a young 10 year old girl around 1910...Jesse loved to collect the Tom Swift series, the book collection is still at his house. About moving, I guess for now, the short trips away from home will have to do. Shannon, I think your response was very elegant and well said. Kali, I am glad you were able to get back on the site...thank you for your thoughts. Mary Ann, good to see your post. Kate, thank you for your kind comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted August 19, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 19, 2014 love to you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sholl1955 Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Susan,Yes, my son in law is not allowing us to see the girls right now. It is so painful for me but I know those little girls and I know they are missing us terribly. We have been very involved in their lives since they were born, and lived with them for 2 years. I am worried about them but trying to stay low key and just wait. Sarah would clobber him if she were here. But I remind myself that she loved him so I am trying to not over react. I love him too, but he is definitely challenging my resolve to be patient. My crime was to buy them 2 outfits for school without asking his permission. How did we get to this point? Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Gretchen, you ok? Have not heard from you for some time. How are things going your way? Hang in there. I know it is hard...but you have us... and you are not alone. How did the your co-worker make out in the accident? I sure hope he is making a decent recovery. PM me if you would like to talk. If possible could you post again the awesome tribute that you had made for Forest. I know that those that are new to the site would appreciate it. it was such a labor of love and dedication. It was awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Gretchen, I listened to Rusted Root today and of course, it made me grin and feel warm inside (not a hot-flash) but a joyful noise. The music and the song remind me of your Boy. Forest not only looks so much like that lead singer, but after seeing the videos that you have shared of Forest, they move similarly. It's It is that smile of Forest's that makes me smile right back. It is so nice to see you here tonight. I have missed you. I am assuming that your attachment is speaking volumes for you tonight. Yes, a weary exhaustion settles into our bones. Rest when you can Gretchen. Be well. Sandy, I don't understand why purchasing school clothing could make you the bad guy?? I am sorry that he cannot see his way clear and allow his girls to spend time with you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Oh Sandy....with grief in my face...and what your son-in -law is doing....is bile in my throat...coming up from my heart....from my place on the grief journey.... surely...he is sadistic...surely...there were markers when he was married to your Sarah...surely...there was something there.... who knows...it could have contributed to her breast cancer...?? he is simply....not normal....you have to know that...and now...you feel as if you have to dance around his abnormal....to be normal....?? He Is Sick....do not become sick....with his kind of sick....the girls will need you at some point in their life... please....keep your common sense...and good heart... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 So much sadness in my heart today, the news reports surrounding the death of Michael Brown brought so much back to mind, police incompotence, hurt, loss, tears, for his family, for ours, for our nation. Laurie, we go back to court next month for the alledged charges on Jasmine by the driver that killed my son. I don't want to have to see her, much less listen to her lying voice. I don't know how I will speak when called on, as I can't do it here alone without crying. I had rehearsed at one point what I would say if given the opportunity, if they had brought the charges against her that they should have, I would have been strong, I could have told my story with conviction... but now? I am just so sad, so physically weak, so emotionally drained, that I just don't know how I will get through it. Please say a prayer for us. Gretchen, so good to see Forest's smiling face, and to hear from you. I loved the drawing! Whenever I think of Forest, I imagine him and my Jared playing video games, as it was both their passions. It makes me smile to think of all of our angels togetherr, getting to know one another, as are we. Sandy, I don't understand why family, of all people, should add more drama and pain when we are already hurting so much. I struggle with those issues as well, with some members of my family who are just too busy and caught up with their own drama to even think of me and sometimes I feel that they wouldn't ever call me if I weren't the one to reach out. I am too tired, too sad, too sick to pretend it's ok anymore. Sherry, I loved the kitty picture! I have a simese (sp?) and tabby mix named Nora, that she reminds me of. Love to all, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Sandy.... a person does not become the 'controlling and sadistic' over night....he does mean to hurt you.....very sad....children have enough love in their heart to love everyone..and their best interest should be the priority of all in the family... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Becky...if you do not have a 'voice' now....can your husband speak for the family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Angel Boy of Mine Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Susan, I will have to pray for strength to be able to do what I have to do, and say what I have to say. My husband, retired military (special forces) is still so incredibly angry at both the driver and the system, that they could arrest him for his thoughts alone, much less any words or thoughts that might enter his mind and leave his mouth under pressure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Oh yes Becky....we so understand that 'anger'....would you have a Pastor or someone who is comfortable speaking in front of a crowd/audience to speak for you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Becky, I am wondering if you can pre-record a statement*? That way your husband might be able to say his part too. It is worth asking your attorney. I will pray for strength...I know that sometimes if one is required to speak, it cannot be avoided. I know if I will be required, I am going to have to take my medication (lorazapam) right beforehand. It is a tough situation. It will be good once it is over and there will be a day when it is. Wishing your family peace and comfort. *I thought of this later, I had went in to an attorney when the accident first happened. I asked him specifically about statements like this, he mentioned the pre-recording option or sometimes your attorney can read it in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Yes....it is overwhelming for me sometimes...and I cannot predict when I will have a 'conversation meltdown'....there are times when I can talk about John David in a very natural and normal way...and then...there are times there will be that tiny 'catch'...and tears come..my mouth quivers...throat constricts...and I feel so sorry for the person I am talking to for I can see the concern that they caused it...it can happen when I am on the phone...or in person...sometimes when I am in a store...or driving down a street and a memory pops up... it does blindside us.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Gretchen....good to see your post...grief is exhausting...I read posts from other parents that are farther on the grief journey and I so wish I could whisk myself farther ahead...I have always been a cock-eyed optimist...and that character trait has always been my best friend when dark days..trouble..come knocking on my door... but I find that being a pessimist or optimist does not have a bearing when it comes to this kind of grief...this is a kind of grief that has a 'one size fits all'....no matter if we are short or tall...thin or fat...happy or sad...when you lose a child....you will wear that garment of grief...it will simply adjust to fit and you will wear/carry that grief... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karenthiemermann Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Hello all. It's been ages since I've written. So much has been happening and I just realized today that I have been trying to do "this" by myself and it's not working. I apologize for not communicating~I feel I owe you all for helping me so much these past few weeks. Just yesterday, I was ambushed by grief again and I feel just like I did 5 or 6 weeks ago. We celebrated birthdays; Chuck and Bonnie and my mom. I made a video for the kids and e-mailed it to them. I took my mom dinner and homemade bread. Michael has gotten a new job that he seems to be happy with. He's still struggling and wants to come visit more often. I'm glad he's staying in touch. I've been keeping myself way too busy. Giving myself projects and deadlines and challenges. Last week I was looking for some old pictures under my bed and came across a large garment bag. I had no idea what it was. I opened it up and tucked into a corner was Michelle's wedding dress. She had sent it to me back in 2006 because she wanted to see if it fit me for my wedding. It didn't but I thought I sent it back. I carefully took it out, as if it were alive, and clutched it close to my heart and broke down completely. My husband found me on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. He helped me up and held me till I finished crying. About a week has gone by since then and I've been exercising and researching and studying and cleaning like crazy. Yesterday, it felt like a ton of bricks crashed on me and today I feel worse. I think grief is stuck inside me. All I feel like doing is crying and sleeping; I even ache all over, as if I had the flu--just like I felt a few weeks ago when I lost my girl. I can hear my mother's words, " Just stay real busy so you don't think about it." Why have I been trying to do that? Am I too worried about what she will think? Maybe. But I can't live for her anymore. I have to go through this, and experience this profound sadness, regardless of what people think. I'm traumatized and physically drained. I read that sudden loss is compared to going through major surgery and that you should treat yourself like you were in intensive care. If you don't, grief will manifest in some other way--mentally, physically, and spiritually. That's exactly what has happened I fear. I went to the dr. on Monday and all my bloodwork is excellent, my heart rate and blood pressure are perfect. My neurological disorder, however, seems to be worse, especially the internal issues. I'm still struggling to get in enough calories and protein. I make an extra effort to do that every day, but I have no appetite. I lost 3 pounds in 3 days. I know all of you have told me over and over about self care, and I thought I was doing that by trying to stay busy. It's not the case, though. Like the book says, I need to put myself in "intensive" care. And if I want to cry all day, I just can't be concerned about what others think; I just have to do it. Chris is supposed to be coming down here and bringing me some of Michelle's things. He said he wants to be here by Sept. 7--her birthday. I'm planning to have a celebration meal and cake with Michael so it would be nice if he were here. I hope I'm up to it. I can't do this alone. My christian beliefs say that God is my comforter; but why don't I feel comforted? I feel terrible! Thank you--all of you--for helping me on this dark journey--so confusing and lonely and sad. I'm going to lie down for a while and read--if I can; maybe take an epsom salt and lavender bath for my body aches. I'll write again soon. PEACE and LOVE, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Laurie....I think a recording can be admitted in court...I think a lawyer has to submit it to the court/judge before hand with papers stating the reason/intent..... I would think that any court would recognize the trauma the parent has already experienced...and having to talk about it in court would be like injury to insult.... I do hope you and Becky will have legal representation that will do all they can to shield you from future trauma. The legal system has so many dead end streets. I do hope you take your little 'journeys'....and let your eyes see something besides the memory in every corner...it will give your soul a rest....I know that Jesse and your grief will travel with you....but maybe it will give you a 'soft place to fall'... we all need a place of rest...and a time of respite... I had to go to a friend's office today....she bought this tiny..little building in downtown Brenham...we were visiting and I admired the stucco texture and color of paint.... she pointed to two blank walls that were in the front...and said...'Do you know why they are blank?" I said .no...and she said...'Don't you remember you promised to paint me two paintings for my walls over two years ago...and I am waiting for your creations." When she reminded me....I remembered....that was a couple of months before John David died...and I went to her 'office warming party'..... she wasn't being rude...for I have known this woman for 30 years..and then I did remember....I was flattered....but once again...reminded how grief can create such a vacuum in our memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Karen,We learn a lot about ourselves during this grief journey. Some keep busy, like your Mom. Others can do nothing but sleep and cry. In the beginning, Neither is better than the other.We have to learn to live in a world we no longer recognize. A world we do not want. That takes a long time. Please be kind to yourself.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted August 20, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 20, 2014 Hello my friends.Yesterday, I took Brian's T-shirts and bandanas to Lynn. She is making our memory quilt.She is very talented, and showed me samples of her work. We get to select the quilting pattern to be applied. We selected the Celtic circle...never-ending.The photo attached is a stained-glass picture Aaron made. In the middle is the Celtic circle. She was no nice to work with. We gave her "artistic freedom". The quilt will measure 50"x75". We ordered 2. One for each of our kids.We will not see the quilt until 2015. Wow!Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Colleen, it is absolutely lovely. What a terrific idea. I love the design. What a great idea. I look forward to seeing the finished quilt. Susan, how nice that your friend remembered and kept her word. When you are up to it... why not give it a try? Karen, so much going on at once in your life. I am sure that Michelle's upcoming birthday is playing heavily on your mind. Those meltdowns are common and in fact many of us a lot further along still do it. That is the nature of this situation. Keeping busy is important to a point, but it can not be used as a tool to block out. Dee told me ages ago that there are no short cuts in this. We have to walk straight through it. So glad that Michael is keeping in touch. I am sure that gives you a huge sense of relief. It was a busy day for me today. I was somehow not settled all day. My husband headed into the city this morning and I had made plans to have lunch with a long time friend. Something kept nagging at me. When I arrived home I found my husband already here. Apparently he had had a car accident on the way into the city. Some bone head ahead of him hit a piece of drywall that had fallen off of a truck and it flew up and hit the car. On the highway at that speed it could have been very serious. He sped up after it happened and disappeared in traffic. It took out the passenger side mirror, front grill, and fog light. The whole side was plastered with dust from the drywall. He, thank heaven, was ok. The idiot did not even stop to ask if he was ok. That is a major offense if caught. Gosh, life sure has a way of keeping you on your toes. Dee, hope your last few days have been good ones as you busy yourself preparing for another year. Debby, Lora, Gretchen, Ted, Wade, Leah, Betsy, Brenda, Trudy, Laurie, Shannon, Surreal, and everyone that I have missed...I think of each and every one of you and wonder how you are coping. Wishing you all a really peaceful night. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Thanks Kate, going to bed, pooped. Tomorrow marks our first official day back, two institute days but oh, I shall miss sitting on the deck reading and writing...napping. So glad that your Husband is okay. Scary thought.Baby girl came to my classroom today with her Momma and she played with the puppets and wanted to try out each of my student's chairs. Goldilocks. Colleen, did you say that Aaron made that piece? Wow! What talent he has. I am excited for you to have the clothing made into a quilt. A Quilt that has such meaning. Karen, taking care of oneself may include being busy, but it also has to include taking a bit of time to have some light meals, hungry or not, and plenty of water. I hope that you can permit yourself the grief that is knocking on your heart. Falling apart, melting down, all are so very normal in this time. It is not weakness, it is in fact what your strength will be borne of. Let the ache of it all be recognized, not hidden if you can. You will learn when to close it up so that it is yours alone, privately grieve, but right now???I think some shock is wearing off and the grief is insisting itself into your days. The only way through it, is through it. No going around or burying it deeply, mourning and grieving are real, and allowing yourself to cry adn sob is one way that will allow you to move through it. My best to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmomrs Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Hello to all...it has been probably the longest time I've ever gone for not posting here. I apologize for that. I miss you all, writing to you, reading your posts, and I think of all of you often, and as always, you are all in my prayers. Life has been pretty tough over the past couple-three months, and I have found myself "cocooning" somewhat as I try to cope with the new challenges that come my way every day. Davis has not been doing well. I had to ask him to leave the house a couple months ago...may have already told you that. Watching your grandson going through what he is going through, knowing they have nowhere to lay their head that is comfortable and safe, is heartbreaking. I have had to do and say things in the past few months that have taken every bit of strength I could wrangle out of myself to accomplish. Going to the store to buy fresh food; going to a movie, going out to eat, going to a ball game; all come with a goodly amount of guilt when I engage in them, thinking of course, that he is miserable and here I am, enjoying myself as best I can. He got into a LOT of trouble a couple of weeks ago and soon will lose his license, perhaps for up to three years. (His actions, thankfully, did not involve anyone besides himself.) I have no idea what he is going to do. We don't live in a large city and transportation is very scarce. We do have a bus run, but very sparse in the summer, and just not enough through the winter. Getting to and from a job is a job in itself. I have told him repeatedly that I cannot provide answers for him, that he needs to go to meetings, where he may meet up with people who have been in this same boat themselves, and perhaps they can direct him to where he needs to go for help. I have tried to be supportive of any effort he makes, but it is so very hard with all the lies and manipulation that accompanies the actions of an addict, even when they are trying to help themselves. All I can do now is pray. I have told him I would never see him go hungry, and have helped him with some meals. He does come to visit, but more often than not, it is a couple of hours of stress until he leaves again. I wish I could "fix" it, but of course, as I've told him, HE is the only one who can fix it. And, he has to WANT to more than he wants to stay broken. Meantime, of course, life goes along. Yesterday would have been Mike's 39th birthday. We (HOW can he possibly be gone these EIGHT years!) did all gather at a Red Sox game in celebration, just as he asked us to do, almost 8 years ago. It was a good day/night, and even though his two oldest boys were not there this time (Chandler had to work and Kameron is in Virginia, visiting his other grandmother), Damon was there and thoroughly enjoyed himself. Cathi, myself, Mike's friend Denis, Kim's (who has been doing very well) two daughters (who are here for two weeks), Davis, and Damon were there. Around the fifth inning, one of the Red Sox "ambassadors" came over to our seats to give Damon a gift bag from the Red Sox. ( I had spoken with them earlier in the day to ask about the parking for the night's game, as they offered "duck boat" rides from a downtown parking garage to the park, with the purchase of the tickets for the game that night.) While talking to the person helping me, I mentioned that we were all going for Mike's birthday celebration, etc. He asked what Mike's boy's names were, and said they would like to bring them a gift bag. Learning that the two older boys would not be there, he asked for their address and is going to mail theirs to them. When Damon was presented with his gift bag (a complete surprise as I had not told him about it), he was SO surprised and when I told him that it was in honor of his daddy's birthday, he put his hands up to his face and covered his eyes and the tears just pounced out between his fingers. He was so overjoyed about it all. When he saw the things in the bag, especially the new baseball cap that we had just discussed that afternoon that he needed a new one as the he'd outgrown the one he had, he just could not stop smiling. There was a "bobble head figure" in the bag as well, and it just happened to be one of his very favorite player. He was just so thrilled and excited. There was also a little packet of "Fenway Dirt" in the bag, and they had mistakenly put in two of them. Damon said "I am going to give this to my friend from school. He likes baseball but doesn't get to go to games." Every now and then, as he held that bag on his lap for the rest of the game, he would look over at me, look at the bag, and just shake his head in disbelief and then smile and hug the bag even closer. It was SO enjoyable to see his joy. Today we went to the beach (Damon, the girls and I) and had a really good time. Went to an early supper at this quaint restaurant there at the beach, has been there over 100 years). They also make salt water taffy, which I always buy a few pieces when there. Damon dozed off while waiting for our dinner. He had been boogie boarding in the ocean for over two hours! I've read over quite a few of your posts. My heart is with each of you. As we all move forward on this journey, we each find different ways of coping and in sharing those ways, we of course help each other to navigate the crooked path set out before us. No matter how our children left this earthly plane, the loss is just the same...we are broken. Trying to put the pieces together, we wind up with a few missing, and thus the new "picture" we create is different. And why wouldn't it be...a very important piece is missing, never to be there again, not in this world. The hope is what fills in that piece...the hope of seeing them again. But sometimes it is difficult to see and hold on to that hope; many times it is quite a while before that piece is molded to just the right shape to fit into the whole picture, and sometimes it never is. And that is all okay. This is our journey, each of us, to walk in our own way, with the support of each other as we move forward, a step at a time.I've attached a couple of pics from last night and today... mike's (and his dad's) message boardDamon's surprise Heart for Damon on ceiling of duck boat (right next to heart is the "Kilroy is here" sign. Hubby used to always sign his letters/notes with that drawing.Damon and Nana on duck boatDamon at Goldenrods...stayed too long at the beach...Bekah, Rachel and Damon outside Goldenrods Restaurant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Carol, can't stay here more than a minute, shower and meetings real soon...so good to see you and the kids and catch up and prayers are being sent to Davis. You are the strength even when you feel depleted Sweet Woman. MIKE- Birthday Boy Supreme- How dearly you are loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Carol, Happy Heavenly Birthday to your Mike. May your day be filled with peace and sweet remembrances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Carol, your two Mike's will be playing ball in their own "Field of Dreams" ! Wishing you beautiful memories. So sorry that things have become difficult with Davis. Keeping you both in my prayers. I had a friend that died of breast cancer a couple of years ago. She went through a very difficult period with her son when he was growing up. At one point she had to apply tough love. She and her husband had gone away for a brief holiday. While away her son threw a party. A HUGE party. People that heard about it stopped by and it mushroomed out of proportion. When she returned home the place had been trashed basically and many things were missing. She brought charges against him and he went to court. As he was a juvenile he was placed into a detention home and forced to perform public service for a long time. He basically hit rock bottom before picking himself up again. She watched with much pain and worry, but knew that he had to do the work for himself. He had to want to make a better life for himself. When she was diagnosed with cancer many of her friends wondered if he would walk away. He proved that his mothers faith in him was correct. He stepped up to the plate and stood by her steadfastly right till the end. Today he has a decent career, his own home, and is clean. It can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Carol....light a candle for your Mike...and he will light up the sky for you... About Davis...... only a person that has lost a child....will know how to help a parent that has lost a child... only a recovered addict can help an addict... call a Drug Rehab and maybe they can have someone to reach out to him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Colleen...thanks for sharing that work of art from the heart of Aaron... I have started working with tile/mosaics....not ever stain glass...am impressed.... I, too, have clothing from my Grama..parents...children....to make a quilt...was thinking of making small ones so all family could have one.... and now...I have John David's clothing....so I have another quilt to create... no...my quilts will not be fancy...or even created the way the real quilters do...it will be very simple...straight stitching...and lots of research...they will be more for 'memory/heart'....maybe like a throw...than a quilt for the bed...I wish every day I could sew like my Mom and Grama....sigh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Trista's_Mom Posted August 21, 2014 Guests Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Carol, Not much time today but I wanted to stop in and say you and Mike our in my heart and on my mind today. About Davis... So much I could say. I know your heart hurts for him. My husband has similar issues and things have been really going downhill. Last night was another sleepless night. I've done everything humanly possible and know at some point I have to let go and let him see the real repercussions for his choices. I also have to take care of my own mental and physical health or I'm no good to anyone.My love to all tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 21, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 Shannon....what a dead end street to try and do something for someone...and want to try and give them the wherewithal..the determination...the faith and love we have for them...the belief we have for them... it is an age old question...just like our 'WHY' we cry out...All I can say is please return to your 'self care'....look inward....use your instincts...and do what is best for you and the boys.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2014 Hello to all Indigos.I haven't been on here lately....some computer issues to sort out. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY....... MIKE........SMILE DOWN FROM HEAVENAND WARM THE HEARTS OF ALL THOSE WHO LOVE YOU. Carol----So sorry for the problems with Davis. Yes...you are so right....he must want to help himself before anyone else can have a decent chanceof helping him. I hope this will work out ok. Sending thoughts & prayers. Shannon---Thinking of you and sending up prayers. I know you have a lot of things to deal with right now,.....I'm sorry. When I contacted Dell Support regarding the SQL Error problem, the techdid tell me that he had other people calling for help who were having thesame problems. Sure hope it's fixed soon. Kate----Yep....I hope the SQL problem will be solved soon.......so irritatingto have to leave & come back to the site in order to see your posts. Must go for now.....have many things to take care of tonight, and am tired already. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now